The stars were especially splendid that night.
"Thanks for coming with me," Raphael said.
"Not at all," Aziraphale replied, his heart in his throat.
"Look, if it makes you nervous, you don't have to come along. I appreciate the gesture, but..."
"No... no... I don't mind," Aziraphale lied. "I don't mind at all."
"No one else would come with me."
"Well, precisely," Aziraphale said. "I can't let you come alone."
Raphael smiled at him.
They had reached the throne room, or rather, where the throne would be once it was constructed.
A scrivener, 37th class, ushered them forward. "She's ready now," they proclaimed, and then, in a whisper, "Are you really going to do this?"
"I mean, it can't hurt, can it?" Raphael said, and Aziraphale fervently hoped he was right. "Thanks, though."
"Thank you, Muriel," Aziraphale said.
Muriel nervously ushered them forward, and then the scrivener was gone, and it was just him and Raphael, surrounded by a halo of light.
Aziraphale swallowed. He wasn't sure if angels actually could get into trouble, but if they could, he hoped it didn't mean he and Raphael would be separated. He looked over at his newest and best friend. "Good luck," he whispered.
And then, somehow, without having appeared exactly, God was there.
Raphael took a deep breath.
"Questions?" roared God, Her voice reverberating through space and time in a way that made Aziraphale feel very small. "Questions about what?"
Raphael and Aziraphale jumped.
"Er... sorry." Raphael kept his gaze averted, but Aziraphale saw his feathers ruffling. His stomach clenched with dread. Please, Raphael, don't do anything ill-advised! "I can go, Lord. I'll just go."
"I'm not mad at you, Raphael!" God exclaimed in mild exasperation.
Aziraphale and Raphael looked up.
"I'm mad because this means someone hasn't been explaining things to you properly!" God said. "My plans are perfect. When they're explained right, they make perfect sense. Normally, I would advise you to take this up with your superiors, but I suppose since you're already an archangel, you have to come all the way to Me to hear a correct version of events. Well, then, go on."
"You want me t... t... to explain my qu... qu... question?" Raphael gulped. This didn't make sense. God could read their minds.
"Yes! I want to hear it in your own words. It's more fun." Aziraphale could have sworn God was grinning.
"Well, I... it's about the nebula," Raphael said.
"Yup?"
"I'm a starsmith, you know-"
"-Yes, I'm aware of that, Raphael."
"Right," Raphael said. "Of course. Well, I just finished a nebula. New one."
"You were a part of finishing it, Raphael. It's a very big project that a number of angels put a great deal of effort into."
"Of course! Of course! Well, they were all brilliant," Raphael said. "It was tons of fun; I'm very grateful to have worked on the project. It's gorgeous! Very big. Billions of stars!"
"I am aware of the fact," said God.
"I brought the plans, if you-"
"-I don't need to see the plans. I wrote the plans. What's your point?"
"It's very pretty..." Raphael babbled.
"Oh, yes," Aziraphale said. "There's a... a pinky-blue bit-"
"-Yes, it is," God said, in a way that made it sound like what She had really said was "obviously".
"Well," Raphael said, "The thing is, I... look-"
"-Don't tell me to 'look'."
"Sorry, Lord." Raphael gulped. "Well, you see, the thing is... well... those stars, those baby stars - I love them! Adorable! - all those little baby stars are going to need a couple of billion years to bake-"
"-I know that."
"Right! Right! You know that already! Course you do! Stupid of me." Raphael looked panicked.
"Is 'a couple of billion' years too long for you to wait? Do you have somewhere else you need to be?" God said dryly. "Ha-ha. That was a joke. Of course you don't."
"No!" Raphael exclaimed. "No! Not at all! I love to watch them bake. Love it! It's my favorite thing!"
"He does," Aziraphale piped in, and Raphael smiled at him appreciatively.
"Hm?" God said, sounding faintly bored.
"That's the thing," Raphael said. "I just... don't understand why it's being shut down in six thousand years? Why would you fill it with baby stars if-"
"-What?" God bellowed.
"Sorry, Lord?"
"What's being 'shut down' in six thousand years?"
"The nebula," Raphael said.
"Six thousand years?" God exclaimed. "No, no. That quadrant is going to last for billions of years. I mean, for Heaven's sake, Raphael. Use your head. Why would I have you create a factory full of baby stars if I wasn't going to give them time to develop?"
Raphael let out a huge sigh, his face lighting up once more with his usual radiant smile.
Aziraphale looked sheepish. "Er... sorry," he said, though Raphael had not admonished him for the mistake at all.
Raphael looked over at him as though completely surprised by the apology. "Oh, no problem. Completely understandable misunderstanding. Happens to the best of us."
"Right, well, that all seems fine, then. Not that I thought it wouldn't be, of course. Ha-ha! Sorry to have wasted Your time, Lord," Aziraphale said, pinching Raphael's sleeve and attempting unsuccessfully to tug him toward the exit.
"Besides!" God exclaimed, and they froze where they stood, "That quadrant is right next door to the people. They're my favorite thing I've made. Why would I shut down all those stars when the people are going to be looking at them for millions of years?"
"Right!" Raphael said. "That's what I'm saying! Well, thank goodness, because it would be pretty stupid if..."
Aziraphale felt God peering at him.
"-Aziraphale, this was you, wasn't you?" God said, cutting off Raphael. "You told him it was going to be shut down after six thousand years."
"Ah. Ah..."
"You scared him. I don't like it when people scare him."
"Sorry, Lord," Aziraphale mumbled.
"Who have you been talking to, Aziraphale?" God said, a trifle irritably.
"Ah... Don't remember," Aziraphale said, astonished at the lie coming out of his mouth. "Conversation around the water cooler, you know. Hard to say where the rumor began, really..."
"...You do know, Aziraphale. It began the same place it always begins. It was Lucifer."
"Er, right, yes," Aziraphale babbled. "Sorry, Lord. I just didn't want him getting into any trouble, you see."
Raphael stared at Aziraphale. This angel had lied to God. And he hadn't even hesitated. Who was he?
Though, considering he knew God knew everything, was a lie to Her really a lie? What was it, then? Just stupidity?
"I know," God said. "Just as you tried to protect Raphael, trying to get him not to come here today."
"Right," Aziraphale said sheepishly.
"Aziraphale, you have a habit of trying to protect others-"
"-Sorry, Lord."
"Don't apologize for your nature! That makes no sense; I made you that way on purpose." God's voice darkened as She went on, "But do not withhold information from me. You must have known that's pointless."
"Right. Of course. So sorry, Lord. Don't know why I did it."
"And stop going around telling people you know My plans!" God exclaimed. "You don't! My plans are ineffable. They have to be, or it would really mess with the whole free will thing."
"Ah, right," Aziraphale stammered awkwardly. And then... "We have free will?"
"Yes. You cannot be good or evil without free will. You, Aziraphale, and you, Raphael, are good. As for Lucifer... he will make his own choices."
Aziraphale wondered what that meant.
"He does not want your protection. He wouldn't want Me to stop him, and so I won't." God sounded sad for a moment.
Aziraphale nodded.
There was a silence.
"Lord?" Raphael piped up, again speaking without being invited.
Aziraphale cast him an admonishing look.
"I'm not wasting an audience like this!" Raphael exclaimed to him sotto voce. "Lord-"
"-Yes?"
"I was wondering..." Raphael went on.
"Yes?"
"You said the stars are for the people to look at," Raphael said.
"The people. And Me. And you. What about it?"
"Well, er... why not put Earth in the middle?" Raphael said. "Where they can look at them all? Why is it off to one side?"
"Because it doesn't need to be in the middle!" God sighed.
"It doesn't?"
"The humans will be able to see the stars from right where they are."
"They will?" Raphael exclaimed excitedly. "But... but they're going to be so tiny - you can fit oodles of them on one little planet. How can they see anything?"
"Aziraphale, you know more about the people than Raphael," God said. "Why don't you explain?"
"Oh, yes, well!" Aziraphale exclaimed excitedly. "They're really quite extraordinary." He paused. "Ah, which part should I explain, Lord?"
"The part about the inventions."
"Oh, yes, right!" Aziraphale burbled. "It sounds like they're going to have this delightful capacity to invent things."
"What, like my nebula?" Raphael said.
"It's My nebula, Raphael," God said. "I know you're very protective of it, and it does you credit. But I designed it. I know what's best for it."
"Er. Right. Sorry, Lord."
"But yes, not unlike how I invented My nebula," God said. "They're going to come up with things that are completely new. And I made them wonderfully curious. They're going to start asking questions and trying to figure things out, and they're never going to stop. You see, Raphael, some of the things humans are going to be able to invent - and very quickly, too, in just a few thousand years - will let them see the stars in the nebula. All of them."
"All of them?" Raphael said giddily. "Really?"
"Oh, yes. They're going to love it. I anticipate the Pillars of Creation will be a particularly big hit."
Aziraphale clapped his hands with delight. "Oh, splendid!"
Raphael bounced up and down. "I think I like the humans!"
"Me, too," God said dryly.
"Yes, they're going to be amazing!" Aziraphale said.
"Don't spoil it for him," God said fondly. "All you need to know right now is, I'm not going to destroy them in six thousand years. I want to watch the people invent things. The things they're going to come up with! In a few thousand years, they'll even be able to take photographs of the stars. That was one of my better ideas."
"Photographs?" Raphael said.
"Er... Hard to explain to you. It lets you look at things after they've already happened."
"What?" Raphael exclaimed blissfully.
"Yes, it's very exciting."
"So you mean... you can go back and look at how the nebula was before... before... when it was a baby? So you mean, we can see it how it is when all the stars are born - and before they were born! At the same time?!"
"Mm-hm. That's the general idea," God said.
Raphael let out a squeak like a newborn kitten. (Aziraphale had seen the plans for kittens, and he had to say, the almighty had really outdone Herself that day. They looked like they were going to be almost as cute as... well, as Raphael. But now wasn't the time to be thinking that.) "But that's... that's... that's amazing!"
"I know. They will love the stars almost as much as you do, Raphael," said God. "And then, "I'm thinking of having you go down there for awhile to meet them."
Raphael looked concerned. "How long?"
"Not very long. I haven't made up my mind yet. Don't worry. Either way, you'll get to see stars for the rest of eternity, Raphael."
"Oh, right." Raphael's irrepressible smile was back. "Thanks, Lord!"
"Trust in My ineffable plan. Now, I have things to be doing-" God began.
"-Lord?" Raphael said.
Aziraphale winced.
"Hmm?" God said.
"I was thinking about a... well, you know, a suggestion box-"
Aziraphale wished he could sink through a black hole and disappear.
"-Suggestion box?" God said. "I'm sorry, what? You want to suggest things to me? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now you're getting ahead of yourself."
Aziraphale muttered something that sounded very much like "Told you".
"Let me deal with this, Aziraphale," God said crisply. "Raphael, a word of advice. I made you inquisitive. I did it on purpose."
"You did?" Raphael said with a shocked smile.
"Of course. It's one of the things I love best about you, no matter what Gabriel says. If you weren't asking questions, you wouldn't be able to bring miscommunications like this to My attention. I could follow all that myself, but it's nice to have you involved with that. It gives you a job to do. It makes you useful."
"I'm useful?" Raphael said ecstatically.
"Well, of course," God said. "I made you, and I don't make anything useless. Nothing goes against My Ineffable Plan, Raphael. Besides, your inability to stop asking questions, combined with Aziraphale's compulsion to keep people safe by withholding information from them, is what makes your relationship so delightfully hilarious to watch. But people's best and strongest traits are also the ones you have to keep an eye on. Remember that. It'll save you from getting into a lot of trouble."
"Relationship?" said Raphael and Aziraphale at the same time.
But this time God was silent.
Thank you so much for reading! xoxo