After visiting awhile with Jack at his grave, Elizabeth stood up and brushed the grass off of her pants. Gathering her things, she walked back over to Sergeant, mounting him with ease. Elizabeth sat back in her saddle stretching her feet in the stirrups. Feeling the light breeze on her cheek and hearing the rustling of the leaves on the trees she took off on a slow trot.
Elizabeth remained deep in thought after her conversation with Jack. These past few weeks had been very cathartic for her heart and for her soul. If she were being honest with herself, she was long overdue for the soothing effect her tears had provided when finally confronting the truths she had long buried deep within her own heart. Lucas was wonderful, doting, and generous, and he provided a safe and secure place for her heart. Despite all of these wonderful attributes, she was able to recognize the truth that Lucas was not her great love, nor was she his. She meant it when she told him that he deserved to be with someone who could give him her whole heart; as Elizabeth's whole heart was not available to him. He truly is meant for a bigger stage, and she hopes he is able to find peace, contentment, and one day soon, happiness on his grand adventure.
The truth is that Elizabeth's heart belongs in Hope Valley. When she bravely left the comfort of her high society family in Hamilton to move to teach in a small coal town, she created a new life for herself, and thus a new life for her son. Hope Valley and its residents embody all of the things she wants in a loving and supportive environment where Little Jack can grow. The truth is, she has always wanted to raise a family with the values and lessons a small town life could offer.
The birds chirping in the distance brought Elizabeth out of her state of reflection. She had not been paying close attention to her surroundings during her ride and found herself heading towards the pond where Nathan once professed his love to her. Strengthened by a sudden sense of determination Elizabeth headed straight towards the area where her world and heart was once turned upside down.
Elizabeth dismounted from Sergeant and walked slowly over to the log, then sat down. She remembered vividly the last time she was here when she was fretting about how to gently inform Nathan that she could not give him what he wanted. When her heart was too fragile and she was too weak and scared to risk breaking it again after losing Jack. Elizabeth sighed deeply and took a long, cleansing breath. So much had transpired since that tumultuous exchange. Yet, despite her aching memories, the pond and its surroundings were as peaceful and beautiful as always. When she glanced back over her right shoulder, she could see the glistening of the sun in the bubbles created by the insects hopping across the pond's surface. Life went on here without a care as to whatever previous heartaches had come to pass at the water's edge. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to bask in the sunlight and feel its warm rays tingling on her face.
Elizabeth was startled by the sound of feet hitting the dirt and gravel on the nearby path. She opened her eyes and had the oddest sense of déjà vu when she turned and saw Nathan dismounting from Newton, grabbing his reins, and slowly walking towards her. Elizabeth stood, and in a similar, yet calmer, fashion as before, she turned and walked towards him. In his steady chivalrous way, Nathan immediately removed his campaign hat.
Elizabeth looked up at him. "Nathan," she greeted.
Nathan spoke so softly and calmly when he responded, "Elizabeth". Her name rolled off his tongue so smoothly. She always loved the way he spoke her name.
Elizabeth continued to look up at Nathan as a small smile broke across her face. "What are you doing here?"
Nathan offered a similar soft smile. "I don't know. I was just…" He paused a moment before his voice dropped even lower and spoke more gently when he asked in return, "What are you doing here?"
Elizabeth paused and stumbled over her words a bit. "I was… just…" she exhaled through her pursed lips and took a deep breath. "I was just taking a ride to clear my head… and my heart." Nathan's gaze continued to penetrate but he patiently allowed her to take her time to continue. "I was visiting Jack's grave. It was really good to have a truly deep conversation with him again. I haven't been able to do that for a long while."
Nathan continued to stand there, still holding his hat, but now gazing deeply into her eyes. With the brim no longer blocking the sun, Elizabeth could clearly see the light reflecting off the deep blue of his eyes and the slight crinkle in their corners that appeared when he was curious about something. She could see the earnest look on his face. His curiosity obviously building. How could it not? Her afternoon ride ending up at this very spot. The sacred place where he once confessed his love for her. The place where she was once too afraid, too broken, and too weak to deal with all of those emotions.
"I don't even know where to start. I wasn't expecting to see you," Elizabeth finally stated.
Nathan tentatively reached for Elizabeth, but pulled his hand back. "Elizabeth… Why here?" His words came out almost as a whisper and Elizabeth could see him teetering on the edge between hopefulness and despondency. She knew her previous words and actions were a great source of his trepidation and fear.
With a renewed sense of courage and determination to do right by this man who had always so selflessly respected her often selfish actions, Elizabeth took another deep breath. "I've been broken for a long time now," she said softly. "A shell of the person I used to be. When Jack died, I just...shattered."
Elizabeth stared down at her hands a minute and paused. She looked up slightly to see Nathan's hands gently holding his hat close to his body, as if it would offer him protection from her. Bringing her head back up, she continued. "I had always considered myself to be strong and brave: daring to experience new adventures, moving away from the comfort and security of my family in Hamilton, and settling out in a little coal town whose widows were as broken, if not more so, than I have been. After I lost Jack, I think that courageous part of me went with him."
"You suffered a tremendous loss, Elizabeth." Nathan paused, glancing down at his own hands now, seemingly trying to collect his thoughts to continue, but Elizabeth stopped him.
"Nathan, I owe you an apology. Many, in fact, if I'm being honest." At that statement Nathan's head popped up and his eyes widened. "I let my fear take precedence over common decency and that has unwittingly resulted in behaviors that have been unflattering and unkind. I was so terrified of suffering another profound loss like Jack, that I chose safety and security over the deep longings of my own heart. Burying them so deep that I could almost ignore they existed - until your persistence persuaded me to evaluate what I really wanted."
Nathan gently interrupted her, "Elizabeth, I told you I shouldn't have pressured you that day…"
"You were right to do so. I needed someone to be brave enough to encourage me … to remind me of why I came to Hope Valley in the first place. I know you may not have been ready to hear this at the voting booth, but thank you."
"You're welcome," Nathan softly replied as his lips formed a soft smile.
"I will always love Lucas and the role he has played in my life over the past few years." With the mention of Lucas' name, Nathan's smile faltered and his eyes dropped a bit, "but the truth is, when it came right down to it, I couldn't see a future here for us."
Nathan paused before asking, "And what do you see for your future?"
"I see myself continuing to raise Little Jack in Hope Valley surrounded by the friends, and, ultimately, family we have made here."
"Is that all?", Nathan questioned.
Elizabeth paused and took a step back, breaking eye contact with him. "Nathan, I know I have hurt you, but I hope you'll believe me when I tell you it was never intentional or malicious. My overwhelming fear and attempts to protect myself resulted in collateral damage of the worst kind." Elizabeth looked back up at Nathan, whose eyes were starting to glisten. "Please don't give up on love."
Nathan stared at Elizabeth for a few moments and then shook his head, "Oh, well, I…."
"Please don't give up on me," Elizabeth whispered.
With those words, Nathan stood speechless for a moment before taking a tentative step forward. "Elizabeth?" he questioned.
Feeling slightly more courageous with Nathan's forward movement, Elizabeth spoke more confidently. "The truth is that deep down I can envision a future with you and Allie, and Little Jack. The thought of truly opening my heart to you and risking another great loss terrifies me, but…" Elizabeth's eyes now glistened as her tears started to pool, "… the truth? If I left Hope Valley I would lose you anyway and my heart would still be broken." A single tear broke free and trickled down the left side of her face and Elizabeth slowly bowed her head. Her body tensed with nervousness as she let him absorb her confession.
Nathan looked intently at Elizabeth, removed his gloves, and reached out his right hand to gently brush away her tear with the light caress of his thumb. Feeling the spark of his touch, Elizabeth lifted her head and looked deeply into Nathan's eyes. His eyes, too, continued to glisten with the emotions he often wore on his sleeve. As Nathan slowly began to remove his hand, Elizabeth brought up her left hand to his and placed it on top, holding it in place. Nathan smiled and said, "Wow," as he exhaled, "That must have been some ride."
Elizabeth let out a slight giggle as she teased his name, "Nathan." Leave it to him to help diffuse some of her obvious tension with his light banter. He reminded her how easy and comfortable their relationship had become as of late, which helped her calm and relax.
Looking more serious now and speaking in a lower tone, Nathan continued. "Elizabeth, you've been in my heart for a long time; you know that. Despite my best efforts to move on, I just… couldn't." He lightly cleared his throat. "You speak of fears, and I have those, too." Nathan paused, pulling his hand away from her cheek and letting it drop to his side. "I'm afraid of opening up to you and getting hurt again, or worse, having Allie heartbroken again."
His tone remained soft and reserved, though not condemning. Elizabeth's heart felt a sharp pang of guilt and regret as Nathan expressed his valid fears. She felt the tears come more freely down her face. "Oh, Nathan, I am so, so sorry." She let out a soft sob and lifted her hands to wipe the tears off of her cheeks. "I was so self-absorbed with my own fears that I was completely inconsiderate of your and Allie's feelings. I know I have caused you pain, but you need to know that you both are so important to me. Please forgive me?"
Nathan reached out his right hand and lightly took Elizabeth's left hand back into his own. "Of course I forgive you, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth started to feel a renewed sense of hope and smiled. She grasped his hand tighter and looked directly into Nathan's eyes. "I came here because you were once brave enough to open your own heart to me; I just wasn't ready then." Elizabeth bowed her head again and lightly whispered to herself, "Always do what you are afraid to do." Lifting her eyes back up to Nathan, she could see the tell-tale curiosity crinkles had returned. He had clearly heard her softly spoken words of self encouragement. Standing just a little bit taller and continuing to maintain eye contact, she boldly stated, "I am now." Nathan's eyes widened and his smile slowly grew. Taking another step closer to Nathan, Elizabeth placed her right hand on his red serge directly over his heart. "I will never find Jack in here. That was wrong and insensitive of me to say." She felt Nathan stiffen slightly at her confession knowing she was tiptoeing on painful memories for him. "What I will find is the heart of a man so generous that despite his own grief and guilt, would come to a small town to look over the widow and small child of a fallen comrade. What I will find is the heart of a man so selfless that he put his own professional ambitions to the side to stay in this small town to adopt his niece to give her the stability and support only a father could provide. What I will find is the heart of a man so forgiving that when the woman who cruelly broke his heart apologizes he absolves her effortlessly. What I will find is the heart of a man so brave that he is still standing here before her at the risk of his own pain. What I will find is the heart of a man so patient that he has waited years for an apprehensive woman to finally embrace what he has known for so long."
Elizabeth could see the tears that had been pooling in Nathan's eyes slowly trickle down his cheeks as well. She watched as his breath caught in his throat as he attempted to speak. "Thank you," he whispered.
Elizabeth pressed on. "I'm in love with you, Nathan."
A small puff escaped from Nathan's lips. He let go of her left hand then dropped his hat and gloves from his other hand, letting them fall to the ground below. He brought both of his hands up to cup each side of her face, slowly brushing back the hair that had fallen over her right cheek. "Elizabeth," he exhaled, "I have never stopped loving you."
Elizabeth smiled up at Nathan, finally able to appreciate and absorb the love that shone unrestrained through his eyes. More than love, she saw his underlying desire tempered only by his hesitancy. She took one more tiny step forward. Looking down from his eyes to his lips, she pulled her right hand up off of his chest and wrapped it slowly around the nape of his neck, combing her fingers into his hair, and pulling him down gently towards her. Nathan met her halfway as he tentatively brushed his soft lips against hers. He pulled back, gazing deeply into her eyes again, asking without words for her permission to continue. She reached her left hand up to meet her right behind his head and pulled his face back towards hers so her lips could meet his once again. Elizabeth could sense his hesitation, and also, perhaps, inexperience. Smiling against his lips, she placed a few small kisses on his top lip, followed by each of its corners, finally ending with her slowly taking his bottom lip between her own. As he gently moaned in appreciation, she slowly ended the relatively chaste kiss and wrapped her arms around his waist, drawing him close, and rested her head on his chest.
She felt his arms envelop her and his hands press against her back, pulling her even closer to him. Nathan was breathing slowly and deeply, and she could feel the soft breeze of his exhalations. Nuzzled closely to him, Elizabeth was struck by the soothing steady beat of his heart. The heart of the man she loved. He rested his chin on her head, much like their hug when she thought he was shot. Except this time, instead of fear and panic, all she felt was the peace and calm only his embrace could provide.