Before You Go
A/N: Song-fic based on the song Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi.
Summary: Rory is sitting at the bridge after she finds out that Jess has left town. So she sits on the bridge and thinks about what could have possibly made Jess leave.
Pairing: Rory/Jess
I fell by the wayside, like everyone else
I hate, I hate you, I have you
But I was just kidding myself
Our every moment, I start to replace
'Cause now that they're gone
All I hear are the words that I needed to say
I couldn't believe that he was gone. Mom and I had gone to Luke's this morning to eat like usual and when we walked in, everyone started staring at me. That was when Luke asked to talk to Mom and I upstairs. We shared a look before we followed him. When we got inside Luke's apartment, he motioned for me to sit on the couch. That was when I knew something was up. "Jess is gone." Luke said. What? "When I got up this morning all of his things were gone." That was when I took a look around the apartment and realized that Luke was right. Things that Jess normally had lying around were gone. "I'm sorry Rory." Luke said.
I nodded. "Did he leave a note?" I asked.
Luke shook his head. "No. I'm really sorry." Luke said to me.
I turned to look at Mom. "Rory, why don't you head home. I'll call Chilton and bring some food home. I'll get Michel to cover for me at the Inn." Mom said. The only thing I could was nod.
The next thing I knew I was walking out of Luke's and I'd somehow found myself on the bridge. The bridge where Jess and I had admitted our feelings for the first time after Dean had broken up with me at the dance marathon. I walked over and sat down and looked out at the water.
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal, but this won't
I found myself sifting through the memories that I had of me and Jess. The first day he moved her. Him borrowing my books and making notes in the margins. Him bidding on my basket that I'd made for Dean and the bid-a-basket. Tutoring him. The car accident. New York. Him coming back. Kissing him at Sookie's wedding. Fighting with him after my summer in Washington. Fighting about Dean. The Dance Marathon.
I was flooded with the memories of us. I felt the tears rolling down my face.
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
I thought about the last time that I'd seen Jess. It had been a couple days earlier when we'd gone to the party. He'd been upset and I'd followed him upstairs. I'd tried to talk to him and we'd ended up making out but then he seemed to have gotten upset when I didn't want to have sex at a party. I'd left the room and the next thing I know Jess and Dean are fighting their way through the house and the cops get called.
Was that why he'd left?
I couldn't help but wonder if I was the reason that he'd left without saying anything.
Was never the right time, whenever you called
Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all
Our every moment, I start to replay
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face
I wasn't sure how long I sat there, just thinking through things and wondering through all of the possibilities of why he could have left.
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal, but this won't
When I finally made it back to the house, Mom was back and she was waiting for me. She hugged me as soon as I walked through the door. "Why don't you go change into comfy clothes while I get things set up for a movie?" She said.
I nodded. "Yeah. Sure." I said. I felt like I was on autopilot. I made my way to my room and changed out of my uniform. I threw on a pair of fuzzy pants that had yellow ducks on them and a yellow tank top. I made my way back out to the living room and when I sat on the couch Mom handed me a cup of coffee. I gave her a sad smile.
Mom turned on "A Walk To Remember". Go figure. Mom would turn on a movie that she knows for a fact that I'll cry to.
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
After the movie, I turned to look at Mom. "How are you feeling?" She asked me.
I shrugged. "I don't know. I just can't help thinking about what would have made him leave." I told her.
Mom sighed. Jess had never been an easy topic with her. Especially once we got into the car accident. "Hun, you're probably not gonna wanna hear this but as much as Jess cared for you, I don't think that he was happy here. I think that he'd been trying to find a way out for a while." Mom said.
I nodded, trying somehow to understand what she was saying. "Did Luke say anything else after I left?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry hun." She said.
I nodded. "I think I might go lay down for a bit." I told her and she nodded.
Would we be better off by now
If I'd let my walls come down?
Maybe, I guess we'll never know
You know, you know
When I got in my room, I threw myself onto my bed and I could feel the tears falling again. I wanted nothing more than that for Jess to be here and to tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I knew that wouldn't happen. I didn't know where he was. I didn't know if he was planning to come back. I didn't know anything.
Before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
I just hoped that he knew that I loved him. And I probably always would.