Chapter 14: Flower & Flame, Eternally Intertwined
The pain of it all, the rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now everyday I find myself say
"I want to get lost in you"
I'm nothing without you
Marigold had recounted his story as soon as they were seated and ready to hear it. The lady who had received them was Roxanne's half-sister, Lynn. She was the current owner of the establishment and raised the boy as her own when her sister passed.
She had made sure to tell him the truth about his parentage and family. Roxanne had kept letters that Ciaran wrote, along with portraits and gifts the man had given her.
"Mama Lynn didn't know him as well, but she said my father was a calm man who enjoyed a good smoke and equally calm company."
"She isn't wrong in that regard. My relationship with Ciaran wasn't the best due to our upbringing but he did want to mend things before his demise. I'm certain he would've loved you a lot had he met you..."
Tamlin felt his heart sink upon hearing that his nephew had been born a day after his brother's demise. One more day and perhaps...'No, let it go. You're not to blame for what they did to your family...Ciaran didn't blame you either.'
"Thank you. It means a lot to me to finally meet you all! I was raised with lots of love and joy but always wanted to meet the rest of my family. Now, tell me everything!"
He listened as they all took turns speaking about their families and about the Spring Court. Azalea had brought mini portraits of the Evergreens and the Ambroses. Marigold took his time examining each one as they spoke.
By the time they finished he was crying, but reassured them those were tears of joy. "I can't tell you for long I've wanted this. Thank you so much!"
They all hugged him tightly. "You're welcome, sweetie. Whenever you wish to visit we'd be happy to have you."
"I'd be honored! Currently, I'm taking an apprenticeship in cooking but my boss will be getting married and taking time off soon, so by then it'd be glad to stay in Spring for a while."
"We'll have it all ready for you! And if you or anyone else here needs anything send for me at the palace. Aunt Azalea is here to serve!"
"Thanks, you're all very kind!"
Tamlin felt so happy to be seeing such a lovely scene before him. He'd never thought he'd had a nephew, or that said nephew would be happy to meet him, given what had happened with his brothers. Yet Marigold's smile radiated nothing but loving joy.
'You both would've loved him.' He thought as he glanced out the window for a moment, trying to keep his tears at bay.
There was a gorgeous tree outside blooming with purple flowers, in it, two birds were perched up on one branch. One was red and the other yellow. Tamlin recognized them as gentle songbirds, a species native to Spring. Yet here they were, chirping and looking down at the group through the window.
'Could you be...?' He shook his head but still gave them one last glance as he turned his attention back to Marigold.
The birds sang a little more before flying away. They'd finally seen exactly what they wanted to witness a lifetime ago.
Lucien had nightmares often since the damn mating bond had been broken. He'd seen a skeletal Andras, Jesminda falling apart into a pile of maple leaves, and worst of all he'd come back to the broken Rosehall and his beloved Tamlin resting in a puddle of blood with eyes that would never be open again.
However this time he relieved the loss of his eye. The excruciating pain of those blood-red nails digging into his eye socket, as Amarantha cussed him out, he would never forget it.
"I used to wonder why he refused me. Now I know why." She whispered in her sultry voice as she plucked out the eye and crushed it in her palm. That was all he heard before blacking out.
Lucien awoke in shock hours later. Andras was by the door and quickly checked him. Meanwhile, he felt someone clinging to his hand so tightly it might break. His beloved Tamlin was there, he was relieved but so disheveled and sad that Lucien could tell
the man had a breakdown. "Luce?"
"Hello, it's safe to say negotiation talks broke down." He joked before hissing in pain, as the ache of his eye socket returned, and he had to clutch the bandaged area.
"Get Nuan!" Tamlin ordered as he let Lucien cling to him.
Andras rushed out leaving them alone in the cold dark room. The only thing that could soothe him was the feeling of Tamlin's hands upon his back and the scent of cedarwood that came from his High Lord.
"Shh, it's okay. I'm here. I'm staying right here with you."
"Tam...Tam she...she knows. She finally knows...I...I'm sorry."
"Forget it. It doesn't matter. We can let the whole world know now. I don't care about anything other than your health. You're going to be healed, my darling. Don't worry."
Tamlin was crying, and all Lucien could do was wipe away those tears. He too felt like crying, but the injury wouldn't allow it.
"I'm so sorry my darling. I should've never sent you to her. I should've protected you I'm the one who deserves to suffer her wrath!"
"No! Don't you ever say that again! Tamlin you think I blame you for this?! This is nothing! I would walk through hell for you if I had to!"
The sadness in Tamlin's eyes faded for a moment, replaced by complete adoration. He brushed Lucien's hair away, gently putting his hands away upon his face. The redhead pulled away slightly, as if ashamed of his injuries.
Tamlin smiled and pulled him close. "I love you, Luce."
"I love you too, Tam."
Tamlin's kisses were always magical. He knew just how to balance sweetness and desire, leaving him breathless yet smitten.
For a moment the High Lord hugged him, burying his head on his shoulders and Lucien was content, there was no pain, no blood, and nothing bad happened. But then Tamlin's skin turned cold.
"Tam? Tamlin! Tam!"
He shook him but Tamlin wasn't responding. His eyes were closed and he wasn't breathing.
"No! No! Not again!" He cried as he flipped him over. Tamlin's wrists were spilling blood while his clothes were soaked in cold water.
"Tamlin!"
Lucien awoke with a gasp, startled by someone touching him. It was Tamlin, he likely had returned from his visit to Summer.
"Luce! It's me! I'm here!" He tried to calm him as Lucien erratically cried and tightly held on, touching his face, then his arms, and finally his wrists. No injuries this time.
"It's you. Oh sweetheart it's you!" He said as he kissed Tamlin deeply.
The blonde nearly fell off the bed, but wouldn't have minded at all with a kiss so delicious yet sorrowful.
"Mhmm, I never get tired of that. Now, let me pamper you. Seems like the bond is acting up again."
He didn't even have the chance to protest before Tamlin got him fresh fruit, more pillows, and ice-cold water.
"There we go. Now, tell me what's wrong, darling."
Lucien didn't want to face him as he spoke of this. "It was the night when Amarantha took my eye, I try not to think about it but I supposed the nightmares brought it to the surface. Then I had you and everything was calm but you died and I woke up."
Tamlin nodded, brushing his hair away from his face as he did that night. "While I couldn't avoid the tragedy of that night, I can assure you that you won't see me die again. All of that is over, I swear it to you."
"I know. You're always doing what you can to protect me."
After Nuan arrived to help deal with injuries and equip him with the prosthetic eye he thought Tamlin would leave. The High Lord's distaste for blood was no secret, but the blonde remained at his side, holding onto his hand.
His sweet Tamlin who got dizzy at the sight of carnage remained by his side holding onto him, desperately trying to mitigate the pain. Lucien knew he succeded at least a little, he wouldn't have endured any of that without his Tamlin.
"Luce, I want you to know that I'm truly sorry I haven't been able to shield you from all the pain we've been through. It is one of my biggest regrets.
That being said, I vow to protect you, from whatever I can, and I shall do so until the end of our lives, maybe even beyond that."
"Tam, you have nothing to apologize for. Your protection is one of the most valuable things in my life. I probably wouldn't be here without you. Don't ever regret what you've done for me, all of it is valued. I too, will protect you forever. There nothing else I'd rather do."
He gave Tamlin another kiss before pulling him close and feeding him an apple slice. "Now, let's not weep any more for a past long gone. Tell me, how was your meeting with Ciaran's child?"
Lucien's sour awakening was mitigated the moment he listened to his wolf speak sweetly of his new nephew. The boy's name was Marigold, and according to Tamlin, he had the perfect mix of Ciaran and Roxanne's characteristics.
"I can't wait for you to meet him! He did say he was looking forward to connecting with his 'sassy uncle Lucien'"
He never expected to be described in such a manner but now he would treasure that nickname forever.
He chuckled softly looking directly into Tamlin's beautiful eyes. "I'm so happy to be here with you for all of this joy. I love you, Tam."
"I love you too, Luce."
"I'm going to miss this place so much," Azalea said as she glanced around the lab.
Tamlin was there with her. Subjected to the same outfit complete with coat and goggles. The look suited his sister better than him.
"You're welcome to come visit and use it at any time."
"I really appreciate it, Lin. But once I make the move permanently I want to focus on my duties in Summer.
Tarquin's plans to level the economy might be grand but from what we have I believe they can be carried out easily. However that can't be done until reconstruction is completed, and there's also the aspect of the nobility who probably won't take it well which means I need to strengthen those relationships before we proceed."
He smiled. "You really are High Lady material."
Azalea turned red. "Stop, you're just being a flattering big brother."
"That doesn't mean that what I'm saying isn't true. To be honest, I never gave much thought to the reasoning behind the magic only choosing High Lords but seeing how skilled you are makes me question it."
Despite being immensely proud of his brother, Tamarand himself had told him that he probably wouldn't have done such a good job rebuilding and remaking the court if not for their sister. Tomlin wouldn't question that, as even before she officially joined Summer Azalea was already studying and making plans for her rule. That is something neither he nor his older brothers ever did. Maybe if things had been different Azalea would be the High Lady of Spring.
Rhysand had proven to them that such a title could exist. Though as callous as it sounded, Feyre was absolutely not deserving of that title. It felt cruel to think that, to have mocked it so harshly during the meeting and for a while, he attributed it to his anger being so raw. Time, however, seemed to be proving him right. As from what he knew of his ex-fiancee's rule not much had changed in the Night Court and she seemed content to only use her power to control her sister and make endless purchases.
'Didn't you try to destroy me for less? Didn't you hate frivolous spending? Didn't you think my Court deserved to run red for my mistakes yet you did the same to your grieving older sister? This isn't the woman I once loved. This isn't you!'
He shook the thoughts away. There was no point in thinking about that anymore. He was here with his sister. This was a happy moment.
Azalea seemed to have been looking through Daphne's book while he pondered this. She stopped at a specific page.
"Okay, so this is only a theory but it's likely Daph would've said the same thing if she was here.
Before Prythian ever had its name, and was divided into 8 courts, it used to be ruled by the Mother and the Father. After the cataclysm that brought creatures from portals to other worlds and caused the Father to vanish, the Mother sealed off the portals and passed her power to their 8 children. They became the first rulers of Prythian.
Out of those 8 children 6 were male, one was female and one was non-binary. The female child became the High Lady of Dusk, as such the line is matrilinear first and then the magic goes for males. The non-binary child was ruler of Autumn, at least according to this there seemed to have been a High Lady of Autumn dynasties ago."
"So the magic favors the gender of their first ruler?"
"It appears so, though I do remember reading that Winter once had a High Lady since the heir was a trans woman. Dawn had a trans man as High Lord a few millennia ago according to Grandma Joreen's studies. The magic seems to recognize a change in one's gender but still favors the person considered most worthy to inherit it.
The only way to test this theory in full would be if every male of a dynasty was to die and thankfully that had yet to happen. Still, my guess is that since these events took place so long ago most High Lords prioritize having a son over anything else and the power tends to mostly favor sons so they assumed only males can wield it.
Magic is often complex and even nonsensical but this is what little I may discern from it."
He never liked history as a subject, but perhaps that was because his education had been an afterthought to his father. Hearing Azalea speak of these things was fascinating. "I am glad that Spring now had a worthy High Lord with a court of trustworthy people, but I'm sure that you, or Daphne, or even Marigold would've been worthy choices for this as well."
"Thanks. For what it's worth, you were an absolutely brilliant High Lord."
Tamlin smiled. Months ago he wouldn't have dared believe such words. He would've called his sister a liar for saying it. Now he could feel his chest fill with pride at such praise. "Thank you."
"The southernmost region of the Court is experiencing an increase in farming, the eastern villages are growing the flowers for the season, and to the west, we have an abundance of fish even if the Summer Court has taken its cut. The northernmost region requires some aid due to the influx of new citizens but Clare told me she is handling it, and the minister of housing says there is enough space for everyone. We should look into developing more jobs there, though the textile industry is booming thanks to your mother."
Lucien was used to reading out the status reports, even if he hadn't been a courtier of Spring for two years. He found it adorable that Tamarand and Tamlin both had a big smile whenever he brought them good news. Aside from that Tamarand was also wagging his tail and looked like he wanted to jump out of his seat. "That's amazing! I'm so glad things are going well, I'll get on handling the employment hiccups right away but I'm so happy I could dance!"
He laughed. Tamarand really was a lot like Tamlin when he was young. Hopefully, they could spare the man the pain that changed his older brother.
"I'm very happy too. It seems as if it was just yesterday when the court was covered in vines and thorns...I'm so glad we're seeing bloom so beautifully and so quickly. We owe it all to you."
"Thanks, Luci, but I couldn't have done it without everyone's help, and that includes you.
I know that after everything you might not prefer to stay here once everything is settled but I want you to know that you'll always have a home in Spring."
"Thank you, Tamarand. It's been an honor to have another High Lord as kind as you."
The conversation turned from work and court matters to personal topics. Lucien eventually noticed that Tamarand's study desk had a small vase full of tiny white flowers, no doubt Clare got him those.
"I see things are going well with your beloved banshee."
Tamarand blushed, scratching the back of his head. "We're taking things slow. I really like her and she's made it clear the feeling is mutual but unlike Lea who can quickly make a marriage plan I'm a little less organized when it comes to love matters.
Since she got me this cute present I want to do something nice for her too. If it's not too much trouble. tell me what's the most romantic thing Tamlin has done for you?"
Oh, that was a list that would take decades to properly recite. Lucien ultimately settled on the moment of realization.
"It was a few weeks after Amarantha had taken my eye and half my face with it. The scars were to remain even after closing, and while Nuan's creation is a marvel to behold, I couldn't help but think it was an eyesore to look at. After that night I smashed every mirror in my room and only ever spoke face to face to Tam.
My daily garden walks were done at night now when I was certain no one would interrupt me. The only company I had were glowflies and the wind.
It was during one of these late-night walks that your handsome brother came to find me.
'It's cold out, love. Let's head back in, we can have a walk tomorrow morning."
'No. I can't go out in the sun, Tam. Not anymore.'
He looked at me with such heartbreak you'd think he was the one who got hurt. I suppose in a way he did. Despite my reassurance, he felt guilty for months.
Nevertheless, I let him get close to me and touch my scarred face. It was as if his very hands had the power to heal, anytime he touched me all my aches disappeared.
Tamlin kissed me all over, my forehead, cheeks, nose, and jaw, every inch of my face was graced by his lips. Then he carried me over to the fallen oak log near the garden pool. He sat beside me, our hands intertwined and his eyes glued to me.
'My love, do you really fail to see your beauty anymore?'
'What beauty? Tam, I'm no longer worthy of being referred to as such! I'm no longer worthy of you! I'm nothing!'
I expected an accusation, rage, or even disappointment. Instead, Tamlin got on his knees and took my hand in his. It looked as if he wished to propose, and perhaps he was just in a less-than-traditional manner.
The full moon shone down upon him along with the glowflies and the magical blooms in the trees, but all I could see was Tamlin's beautiful smile. He's always looked heavenly.
Tamlin closed his eyes as he spoke
Tamlin closed his eyes as he spoke. 'Luce, if there's anyone here who is worthy of adoration that rivals that of the gods, then it's you.
Your very existence feels like a gift given to me by the Mother herself as she let me find you that fateful night. I have loved you since then, and I'll love you still as we are both nothing but dust and bone.
I crave to drown in the sound of your voice, in the sound of your laughter, in the scent of cinnamon that leaves me breathless, in the feel of your soft skin and fiery curls, all of you makes me want to kneel down and beg for your presence.
The moments we share be it innocent, sorrowful, raging, or heated I want them engraved into me forevermore. Because I know you're the one and only man I'll ever love. Lucien your beauty hasn't and won't ever be diminished by this or anything else. I shall prove it to you, by loving you until this world turns to ash.
I'm the one who'd be nothing without you.'
It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days by his side."
Tamarand listened to the story with an adoring expression. "That is so romantic! You two really put us all to shame. I'm not sure I could ever say something that lovely without any practice."
Lucien chuckled. "The trick is, to not think about. I can't speak for Tam but in my experience, the sweetest things I've ever said have been an unprompted, just a romantic spur of the moment...it goes a long way."
"I'm not built for cooking." Lucien muttered as he stared at the overly spicy stew still cooking on the stove."
"Oh don't worry baby, we can fix this. Get me some tomato paste and some onions!"
"On it!"
He and Tamlin had taken the time to bond with Asteria as she decided to cook for them tonight.
The half-Illyrian woman now proudly displayed her raven wing and her fire wing even in menial situations like this. It brought them both so much joy to see her like that.
Lucien took the ingredients needed and let her work her magic. Tamlim laughed as his mother turned the fiery stew into an edible meal again. "There we go. Now it's got the perfect amount of spice. I understand your Autumn roots, dear boy but not all of us can eat fire." She joked.
Lucien chuckled. Tamlin laughed before adding a joke himself. "I wouldn't mind eating fire if Lucien was the one to provide it."
"Oh, would you?"
"Boys, not in front of the food!"
That made them both laugh again. Lucien focused on cutting the garnishes while Tamlin was in charge of the cheese.
He remembered the days spent coming back here to visit Tamlin and make sure he ate something. Back then his wolf was spending more and more of his time shifted, eating less and fading away. 'I should've protected him better' He stopped himself. Tamlin forgave him, he didn't even fault him for it, so what should he torture himself?
"Luce, do I have food on my face?" Tamlin asked after noticing him staring.
"You're perfect." He answered.
Tamlin turned redder than stew and heated up feeling Lucien's lips on his own. Despite it being just a peck, there was longing in his kiss.
"Speaking of perfection when you're the best example of it."
He just chuckled and stood close to him. They remained quiet in each other's presence, still, it was a comfortable silence.
"Alright! I think this one is done! Time for the bread, and the salad."
"I'll get us started."
He realized Asteria was looking at them adoringly. "It's nice to have you both in the kitchen with me."
"Really?"
"Yes. It may seem silly because Lea and Tam often join me too and I absolutely adore those two but despite being their mom sometimes it feels as if they're closer to Lia than me. Naturally, she's their biological mom and like us, they don't have favorites but it does feel like you, Ness and even Clare are my kids first. If this makes any sense."
"I know what you mean. I absolutely loved my mother and I shall miss her forever but I do feel as if you and Ophelia had become mothers to me as well, and finally gave me the parenting I sorely lacked."
"Coming from a home as unstable as the Vanserra family I can assure you that I feel loved and secure with you two as my mothers, even if no one can replace my biological mother."
Asteria seemed moved by that. The two hugged her even if that did result in everyone getting a little messy with flour.
"Thanks my dears. I love you both very much."
Everyone resumed their duties. He was tasting the coconut before Asteria spoke again, this time cheerily grinning.
"You know, maybe once you have kids I can teach them how to cook as well!"
Lucien nearly swallowed the spoon.
"'This time it'll work, I just know it. She hunts in these woods and she's so pretty and lovely. Oh Tam, I just know this is it!'
I couldn't dare tell him. I didn't want to look in my friend's eyes and tell him that I hoped his plan didn't work even if he returned home with his tail between his legs.
So instead I kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly. Sending away my beloved winter brother to his doom.
'Andras, you... You are an honorable soldier and an even better friend. I love you.'
'I love you too.'
He turned to Lucien whose tears were becoming a flood. Gave him a hug so tight, I thought his bones would break...Maybe they might've.
'Take care of him. Take care of him for me, please. He's my golden baby brother just like you're my ruby baby brother. I need you both safe. I need you both happy.'
Just how did he think we could be happy without him?! Just how could he smile before the blizzard grew stronger?! I will never be able to understand the depth of the strength Andras Brynce had.
'I love you, Lucien. Remember that. Remember how beloved you are and remember to be the best of us.'
'I love you too. You were a better brother to me than the ones I share blood with.'
Andras finally let him go. He looked at us both intensely for the last time before I turned him into a wolf and we watched him walk away into the snow. 'Stay together.'
It took little, just about an hour, but the pain was endless. I could feel it every time one of them fell, just not as intensely as I did that day. It shot up from the tip of my toes to the nerves on my head, and even if my heart was encased in stone, its beating quickened rapidly.
I couldn't hear myself scream through the ache, all I could do was kneel on the snow, while Lucien held me tightly. I held onto him too, knowing that the moment we let go we would fall apart.
Eventually, we had to, because I had to journey deep into the human lands and bring back the woman who would save us...In hindsight, the ache should've been a warning. This wasn't salvation but rather ruination. Still, I finally stood up ready to turn and walk away.
Lucien stopped me and gave me one last kiss. It would be the last one we shared before my heart wasn't his anymore. I think that hurt just as much as the loss.
"I loved you..." He whispered to me with frozen tears and cold lips.
"I loved you too..." I replied before my face turned to that of a beast and I walked away unable to look back at the love of my life.
Eventually, I found Andras, or rather what was left of him. I nearly vomited upon seeing him.
He had been skinned and shot in the eye with an arrow, his dried blood had flowed like a river yet now remained dark and stagnant on the snow. Feyre had gotten the hate part right, she was perfect to break the curse. But at that time I didn't care, all I could do was cry, which sounded more like roaring in beast form.
I lay myself down in the snow beside the cold body of Andras. There wasn't any of his characteristic warmth in the bloody paws but I held onto one anyway. I couldn't get up or stop weeping for another 3 hours, then I passed out and resumed the trek after waking.
This is the worst memory I have."
Elias had listened silently to him as spoke. The therapist had asked him to recall his worst memory, an exercise to show him how far he had made it from that fateful moment.
"What were the core emotions you felt that night?"
"Hopelessness. Since the curse had been cast I was slowly sinking into it, but just seeing one of my dearest friends dead and desecrated and knowing I would have to fall for the woman who did it and...and I had to give up my Luce forever. Honestly, it made me want to die then and there, perhaps my body shut down hoping I'd freeze to death.
Heartbreak was present too. I'll never forget the way that last cold kiss hurt. I didn't think I'd ever taste those lips again, that we would ever find our way back to each other. It hurt so much.
Finally, there was the rage, not as present but even if tried to keep it at bay I couldn't contain it upon reaching the cabin. My best friend was dead and I gave up on the man I loved. Just what joy could possibly muster upon coming face to face with the one responsible? How I managed to fall as hard as I did after all of that I'll never understand."
"Of what you've told me there's much that can't be reversed. You cannot bring back your friend, and you cannot erase your past love for the cursebringer.
But there are things that changed, things that were replaced with joy. Vocalize them."
"Andras...He might be dead, but he forgave me. He is happy, he is in good company, and he is waiting.
The curse was broken. I never thought it could happen but it was broken and Amarantha is gone forever. Even if what came after wasn't the peace they deserved, those who reside in Spring today can enjoy the beauty and peace that abounds there now without a mask to burden them.
And my Lucien...we are finally together. We can finally be happy. I am lucky to still have him and to still love him."
"There you go, child. Vocalize the change, understand it, and hold onto it. Even in our joys, there are moments of doubt, of pain, of taking what we've gained for granted.
Whenever that happens, I want you to remember. Remember the worst and then remember you survived it. That you're happy. That you made it."
Yes, he finally made it. He finally had everything he'd ever wanted. Well, almost everything. 'Just wait until the war is over. By then, you'll be truly free.'
The chimes of the clock signaled the end of the session and this time both he and Elias went to the kitchen for sweets.
Most of the kids were there since Ophelia had come with him. Now that the two master bakers had gone wild, the scent of sugar and cinnamon lured everyone in for a sweet.
"Is every single fae pretty? You're absolutely gorgeous! Lucien is so handsome! Nesta looks like a radiant queen! And Tamlin is like a golden statue in the likeness of a king!"
He couldn't hold back a chuckle as he walked in at that very moment. Priya turned red with shame and both Ophelia and Elias also laughed.
"Thank you, Priya. I really appreciate your compliment."
The baker muttered a shy, you're welcome as she buried her shame by biting into a hazelnut-filled cake.
"Oh darling, you've made this old woman very happy. To answer your question I think it's a matter of perspective, there might be fae I find lovely that you might think are not as beautiful just like there might be fae I'm not keen on yet you gush over.
But for what it's worth I appreciate the fact that you count me among the beautiful."
He smiled at his mother who liked being told she was pretty. Ophelia never made her love of compliments a secret, and he hoped her sweetness would help him with the endeavor he was planning.
Come to think of it, everyone here could help. Having to think back on what he almost lost just made his current desires all the more obvious and precious. It was time for him to finally get what he wanted.
"Everyone, I'm going to need your help with something important."
Lucien didn't like the days in which he couldn't see Tamlin. Sometimes he wondered how he stayed away from the blonde for so long after he left Spring. It felt like torture not to see him.
Tamarand had told him his brother was helping the new florists with trade and would spend the rest of the day in the shops. So Lucien decided to pull his weight too and check on the court.
Tamlin had yet to return by the afternoon, so he went to read with Clare, who was absolutely giddy to have his company. She was especially interested in reading the book of poems Tamlin had made. Long ago they bound all of his poems and limericks in a book to keep them safe.
He laughed and caressed the cover. The book was so old and worn out by now, yet every word still made him as emotional as the first time.
That kept him up slightly late, but Lucien didn't feel tired. He hoped Tamlin was waiting for him in his room. He was partly right.
The bedroom was empty, but the floor was covered in flower petals. Daisies, violets, lilies, and to his surprise red roses. Finally, Tamlin could be near roses again.
Instead of a spell or the chandelier, the room was lit by candlelight. So many lovely candles had been beautifully arranged to make it all look like a scene out of a romance book.
The nightstand had been occupied by champagne, water, oils, and even melted caramel. He began to wonder just what Tamlin was planning.
Lucien walked in, taking in the lovely scene before him and enjoying the scent of the flowers.
"Do you like it?"
He was startled by Tamlin's voice. The blonde was standing in the doorway, dressed in his finest yet wearing no jewelry, just that bright smile of his that Lucien often thought was worth its weight in precious gold.
"Is this what you were working on?" He asked, half-serious half sarcastic. Tamlin knew it was meant to be affectionate.
Tamlin chuckled. "Yes. I wanted everything to be perfect for us. Be it due to timing or healing we've been kept from indulging in each other. I'd like to change that tonight. That is if you're willing."
Lucien had to lick his lips, as those words took every ounce of restraint he had. For a while he was aching to touch Tamlin, to kiss him, to hold him, to be his again. He would never push him, nor did he want to undermine the less sexual aspects of their relationship, as they were what he loved most. Yet, he was desperate to make love to him again.
With a longing sigh, he called out, in a needy hoarse whisper. "Come to me."
Tamlin walked over to where he was, pushing him against the wall as he devoured Lucien's lips. They'd kissed plenty already, loving kisses, sorrowful kisses, teasing kisses, but nothing like this. As the former High Lord unleashed all of his restrained desire into that kiss. The taste of it would probably get him drunk. Tamlin could do nothing but savor it, moan at the feeling of kissing fire again, desperately gripping Lucien's red locks as he pried his lips open with his tongue, causing him to moan.
"Aah! Tamlin!" Lucien wanted to keep his voice down but he knew that would be impossible as the night progressed. This mere kiss always had him gasping for air.
His legs were wrapped around Tamlin's waist, and his hands were all over him, still remembering the shape and feel of every inch, every crevice, every scar. His hands held onto Tamlin's chest, his neck, and then his golden locks. He still felt as entranced as the first time his golden prince ever touched him.
Tamlin wouldn't let them breathe, not a few seconds passed after their lips were apart before he craved another kiss. Much more so when Lucien moaned in delight at every sweet gesture. He knew the redhead didn't appreciate it when he tore his clothes to shreds, but at the moment he didn't care if he was scolded tomorrow, he needed this.
The red silk sleepwear Lucien wore was torn to straps of fabric before he could even protest. Tamlin relished in the feeling of the warm dark skin underneath, eager to kiss it and mark it.
In another time he would've protested, but Lucien could let it go for tonight. It was clear Tamlin was also holding back. Just how they could wait so long he'd never understand. It had been 53 years since they'd last made love, anything Tamlin wanted he would give until neither of them could even move.
Tamlin had finally stopped kissing him. He focused on his neck now as he undressed him. The blonde chuckled feeling Lucien's shivers. "Are you cold, my prince?"
"No sweetheart, I never get cold."
So the kisses were the cause. It made Tamlin proud to know he still had the power to drive Lucien wild. He was tempted to keep kissing down his body but knew just how sensitive his darling's neck was. Tamlin wouldn't let him be without some pleading.
Try as he might Lucien wasn't able to keep his voice down. He wasn't sure if it was the time that had passed or if Tamlin just knew exactly how to mess with him.
"What's wrong, love? You're squirming a lot right now."
That cheeky wolf was going to drive him mad. Tamlin didn't just limit himself to kisses, sometimes he'd lick him as if he'd changed himself into his beast form.
"Mmm, I wonder if you're already hard from just this. I always loved how easily I could get you to crave me, Luce."
Tamlin attacked his lips again, as his hands teased his chest and then kept on reaching down.
Lucien moaned, breaking the kiss and shuddering as Tamlin touched him.
"Seems like I was right."
He loved it when Tamlin was arrogant like this, but sometimes Lucien preferred to turn it into a competition, especially when those lust-filled emerald eyes sparkled with need.
"I am not the only one desperate tonight."
Tamlin didn't expect Lucien to take control. The redhead pushed him onto the bed, quickly climbing on top of him. He involuntarily whined when Lucien pinned his arms above his head. "Now it's my turn to drive you mad."
He was used to Lucien's loving kisses and caresses, but there were times when his fox grew dominant and all of the fire inside him came outward whenever they fucked. Tamlin could only smile in anticipation.
"On the contrary, Luce. I'd be going mad if I didn't have you."
Lucien kissed him gently. He knew Tamlin meant it and try as he might he couldn't hide his joy whenever the blonde said something romantic. Still, he wouldn't be too easily swayed.
"I'm very of fond of your sweet talking, but it won't get you out of this."
He used magic to bind Tamlin's wrists together above his head as he began kissing down, his neck, and his chest and reached his waist.
Lucien took a moment to admire him. The gorgeous tanned skin, his muscles, his long blonde locks, and those beautiful eyes looking at him with such love and adoration that he didn't need to say a word, this man was perfect and he was his.
"It made me seethe, to share you. The maidens from every Calanmai, Amarantha, Feyre, Hybern, every single person who ever wanted you too. I hated knowing they got to touch you as well" He told him as he ran his hands softly all over his body.
Tamlin sighed longingly at the feeling, shuddering as he felt those warm hands work their magic. "I thought you knew you were my favorite." He teased using Lucien's words against him.
"That I know well. Still, it ached to know others have pleasured you as well, perhaps even better than I ever could."
"No...No one could compare. No one else knows my body and soul as well as you. It's you Luce, it has always been you!" Tamlin rose to kiss him softly and whisper against his lips. "I need you, my Luce."
Lucien was taken aback for a moment. That pleading voice was something he rarely heard, but loved deeply. Tamlin often showed his love in other ways, but whenever he verbalized it, Lucien was left in awe.
"Then let me spoil you."
That was all he said before unleashing all the pent-up desire he'd been unable to show before.
Unlike Tamlin, He was delicate when it came to undressing his partner, making sure to remove every inch of clothing slowly and delicately. It made him grin to see how the slowness of it all built up Tamlin's anticipation. "Patience my, wolf. I'll savor soon enough."
Tamlin could do nothing other than moan and shiver as Lucien consumed every inch of him. His hand, his tongue, his teeth. It was enough to have him gripping the sheets.
"Teasing me for getting hard and yet, look at you. Already dripping and throbbing for me. Miss my mouth that much?" Lucien told him as he slowly stroked his hard cock.
"Ah! I missed all of you! Just not the teasing!"
"Sorry sweetheart, you'll have to have all of me or nothing at all," Lucien said before kissing his inner tights. "I usually take my time with my favorite treats, but tonight we've both waited long enough."
Lucien took him in his mouth completely, and Tamlin had to use all of his self-restraint not to thrust deep into him. It always made him proud to know he was the only one to get this reaction out of Tamlin.
His hands were immediately buried in Lucien's fiery curls. The redhead didn't mind, as he was moaning and enjoying himself.
"Mhm! Luce, careful you don't choke!"
Lucien laughed without letting go, sending vibrations all through his length. In revenge for that sudden surge, Tamlin tugged at his hair, but all that got him was a loud needy moan from Lucien.
"You're so fuckin hot like this, you're going to be the death of me!"
"Wouldn't be such a bad way to go," Lucien told him before licking from the shaft to the tip.
"Luce, I'm close!"
"Good, I'm dying to taste you," Lucien told him before swallowing him whole again.
"Fuck! Damn, Luce! You really are thirsty!"
Lucien laughed as he continued sucking exactly the way Tamlin liked. The blonde tried to get revenge by tugging at his hair, but instead of finding it painful Lucien actually liked the feeling of his rough hands on his hair.
Tamlin wanted to make it last and savor the moment, yet his body wasn't able to hold back. He'd been missing this more than he'd like to admit.
"Lucien!"
He tried to pull him away but Lucien didn't move. Instead, he swallowed every last drop, until Tamlin finished. He only rose again, to lick his lips and look directly at Tamlin. "You always taste so good."
Tamlin chuckled. "I can't believe there was ever a time I taught you were innocent."
"Oh I was, you've corrupted me, my prince."
Tamlin sat up now that he caught his breath and quickly poured Lucien a glass of champagne. "Here, wash it off."
The glass was cold and delicious, still, Lucien looked at it and then smirked at Tamlin. "I still like your taste better. I might go back for seconds."
He gripped his hard cock again and Tamlin winced. "As tempting as that is, it's my turn to spoil you."
Lucien gasped as Tamlin flipped their positions and was now on top of him. The blonde took a substantial handful of rose oil from the nightstand and coated his fingers in it. "Spread your legs."
Lucien obeyed, letting Tamlin prepare him gently. "You don't need to use just one. This isn't the first time."
"Could've fooled me with how tight you are."
Lucien gasped as he felt Tamlin slip another finger inside.
"What's wrong, darling? Want me to slow down?"
"Don't you dare!"
Tamlin knew just where to touch and how rough to be. He'd gotten used to Lucien's body and absolutely loved making him scream out his name.
His free hand was tangled in the red curls as he marked Lucien's neck and chest.
"Tamlin!"
"Yes, darling?"
"Kiss me, please! I want your kisses!"
"Of course, love."
Neither of them grew tired of kisses. From the first to the ones they shared now, it always felt like being swept away by a force of nature.
"I love you. I love you so much." Tamlin would whisper in between kisses as he slowly let go of Lucien.
"Take me now, my prince."
"As you wish, light of my life."
Tamlin positioned Lucien above him, in his lap. Letting the redhead dictate the pace and rhythm they would follow.
Lucien didn't waste any time sinking into him, moaning loudly as he did and quickly settling his head upon Tamlin's shoulder.
"Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine...It's just been a while. I forgot how big you are.
Tamlin chuckled. "I should remind you then."
"Ahhh! That won't take you long. My body remembers you."
Lucien kissed Tamlin again, moving slowly until he grew accustomed to him again. He'd been craving him for so long that whatever he pain he felt quickly dissipated.
"You always sound so beautiful. I don't want anyone else to hear you moan like that Lucien. That voice is mine and mine alone!"
He knew he shouldn't be jealous. That his clever fox was and always would be his. But just like Lucien sometimes resented his former lovers, Tamlin too resented the notion of sharing his precious Lucien.
"Yes! Ahhhh! Only you can get me like this! Tamlin, love you! I love the way you touch me! I love being yours!"
"Mhmmm and I love you, my sweet Luce! You take me in so well, and always feel so heavenly!"
Lucien let him get rougher, quickening the pace and wrapping his arms around Tamlin's neck. "I still remember our first night together. The way you wrung orgasm after orgasm out of me without pause. The way you made sure to paint every inch of me. Tam, do it again. Mark me as yours for the world to see!"
If this is what Lucien wanted then he would deliver. Tamlin whispered in his ear after biting it gently. "I'm going to fuck you until you cannot leave this bed, Luce."
True to his word he made sure to hold onto Lucien's waist and push him down onto his cock so harshly that the redhead screamed in delight.
"Yes! Just like that! Like you've been craving me for ages! Fuck, Tamlin the nights I've spent dreaming about it! Ahhhh! More! More!"
That riled him up further. Lucien loved how despite the roughness and fast pace Tamlin was still sweet and caring. Fucking him hard yet not ceasing with his kisses and licks all over his exposed skin.
Every single one of Tamlin's senses was focused on pleasuring Lucien. One hand was buried in his hair and the other around his waist gripping him tightly enough to leave marks. Yet the feeling of Lucien's body against his could be enjoyed by every part of him.
His eyes took in every detail of his lover's body, his marks, his scars, the drops of sweat all over him, his pretty parted lips with a trail of drool spilling from the erratic kisses, his pink tongue sticking out as he moaned loudly and practically begged for him to suck on it, the way his russet eye was filled with last and rolling back. Yes, he committed all of those details to memory with just a gaze.
He was bewitched by that scent of cinnamon he loved so much. Tamlin had missed the scent of them together, making love until neither of them could so much as move. With scent also came taste and he licked the sweat off his skin and relished in the savor of it, just as sweet as his scent.
His favorite was hearing, since their youth, he was an auditory person and Tamlin loved nothing more than to hear those desperate moans full of pleasure as Lucien's beautiful voice echoed in the room.
"Tam! Tam I'm close! Fuck me harder, I need your hands over me, your lips, fuck- Mhm! I need you!"
"Ahh! Yes! I'm close too, Luce!" He told him as he reached for the nightstand and retrieved some of the melted caramel he'd saved for tonight.
Lucien didn't need to be told what to do. He'd known for months now that his dear wolf wanted to do this. He stuck out his tongue letting Tamlin drip some of the sweet liquid on it, the blonde then proceed to suck it off him. Making a mess in the process. Lucien didn't care. He was too drunk on pleasure to think now. All he wanted was to cum and to make Tamlin cum too.
Tamlin put some of the sticky liquid on Lucien's neck and sucked off him. That got the man to gasp and curse, desperately trying to squirm away in vain.
"I'm too sensitive there! Tam, please stop teasing me!"
"Sweetheart don't lie, I know this isn't your most sensitive spot."
In a slightly sadistic moment, Tamlin gripped Lucien's hard cock and began to pump him rapidly.
Lucien knew he was screaming at this point but didn't care. Release was within reach but he wouldn't be the only one coming undone. He had enough strength and clarity to take some caramel and cover Tamlin's lips with it, licking it off hungrily.
Once his wolf was distracted he put his hands on his chest and began massaging him. As expected Tamlin shuddered and moaned.
"Damn! You remember all my sweets spots too it seems."
"I'm your favorite for a reason, aren't I?"
"You're my favorite because I love you more than life itself!"
"I love you too Tamlin."
In between a sweet and heated kiss, and desperate touches, both of them came hard with a cry of the other's name. Lucien was sure he'd gotten both himself and Tamlin painted up to their chests but neither of them cared. Much less as he could feel Tamlin feeling him up, without restraint.
The blonde pulled them both down onto the pillows, not caring if they got filthier. There would be time for a long bath tomorrow. Tonight he didn't want to let go of Lucien.
"I've been wanting this since the say we were forced to say goodbye."
Lucien's words came out in a sad soft whisper but Tamlin understood. He still dreaded the thought of that winter's night when he forced himself to let go of his Lucien once and for all. He'd silently thank the gods that it was only a temporary goodbye.
"I have been wanting you too. I know I shouldn't have. You might think I'm lying because at that time I truly loved her too but...but a piece of my heart would've always belonged to you."
Lucien laughed gently kissing Tamlin's lips and licking some of the leftover caramel. "You know, even if I pushed you to her, even if I wanted it to work and to see you both happy while I found my joy elsewhere, a part of my heart would've also remained with you. And that part was so very selfish."
"How so?"
Lucien took a breath, ready to admit to one of his worst moments. "The day of the wedding...I was dying inside. I helped you get dressed, and you looked like everything I've ever wanted, but you were not mine.
I stood beside you as you were both ready to be married and despite both of you being my friends, despite the fact that it was selfish, I prayed on the inside that this wedding would take place. That by whatever gods would listen they would keep the wedding from happening.
And then Rhysand showed up and stole Feyre.
What was supposed to be your wedding night was filled with worry, rage, and sadness crying in my arms as you often did whenever the world fell down around us. Seeing your tears was enough to make me feel like the most horrible man on the continent. I should've just been strong enough to wish you were happy..."
Tamlin gently pulled him close kissing him softly. "You weren't selfish for that. The truth is I've...I've been quite selfish too.
When you visited and told me of your mate I had to fight back so much jealous rage...oh Lucien I can't tell you how many furniture pieces fell victim to my rage whenever you left.
What Elain went through was horrible and I completely understand she needed some time to process it all and heal. But as you continued to come here to me and the situation between you two didn't change I was appalled. Just how could anyone not be dying to be your mate?! How could anyone push you away when you're the most kind, understanding man to have ever walked this continent?! It made no sense to me.
Unless of course, the times I wished she didn't choose you and you came back to me had somehow come true. And I was yet again the cause of your suffering. How dare I wish for that when you've suffered enough already? It felt like a curse, a curse I'd given you out of greed and selfishness.
You deserved to be happy, but I wanted you to be with me."
He was ashamed of revisiting those days, of revealing such a secret. Yet Lucien didn't hold it against him. Instead, the redhead intertwined his hand in his. "Seems like we're both the jealous ones in this relationship." He joked with such a beautiful smile on his face that Tamlin could do nothing but kiss him again.
"I regret the losses, the destruction, the pain others went through, but while I regret the hurt I've caused, I don't regret the departures.
You and I had to separate, at least temporarily, so that fate could show us that we were meant to be. That no curse, bonds, fights, or even fate itself could ever get between us.
I love you, Lucien Vanserra. I will love you forever."
"I love you too, Tamlin Evergreen. Forever and ever until our names are forgotten by history and we are nothing but starlight and ash I shall love you."
The two said nothing else after that, as the candles kept on burning and their tired bodies finally succumbed to sleep.
Like many things in the manor, Feyre's old studio hadn't survived him. He tried not to think of the bitter memories associated with this place and instead focused on the positives.
The place was a mess and even after he and Lucien took away all the smithereens and debris, the empty room was melancholic.
'Because this is exactly when and where you fell apart.'
He often wondered if he and Feyre weren't doomed by the lockup but rather by the outburst he had here. Tamlin didn't blame her, this was something he too regretted even if it was an accident. Perhaps if they'd addressed their aches or communicated better they would've lasted. But that didn't matter now, the past couldn't be changed, all he could do was hope he'd be forgiven or at the very least left alone. Though knowing Rhysand maybe that was too much to ask.
Besides, why should he mourn any of those days when he now had a literal sun shining upon his life, making him happier than ever?
"You're staring at me again," Lucien muttered as he swept.
"I could stare at you all day, you absolute beauty.
Lucien blushed and put the broom away. "I could say the same for you."
Tamlin just kissed his forehead and pulled him close. Lucien didn't mind and nuzzled against him. The two had grown even more affectionate after their blissful night together.
Now that the room was empty and fully cleaned, he noticed a tile that didn't quite fit with the others as if it had been moved.
"That's strange. I hadn't seen that before."
"Neither did I. Should we check?"
"If any spiders come out and scare mother we're not taking the fall."
Lucien nodded and laughed, they both picked up a side of the tile and lifted it up. Miraculously there were no insects. Rather just old paintings.
"Why would this be hidden?" He asked until looking at them got the desired answer.
The first one he saw was of what looked to be Hewn City. Just not under a mountain and a night sky but free of the stone prison and under a purple, blue, and yellow dusk sky. ' This must be Tasogare.'
The second was of a group of yokai, lesser fae that were believed to have immigrated from Winter and Dawn to Night. 'Not Night, Dusk.'
The rest of the paintings were landscapes of cities and villages that he'd seen in passing, believing them to be of Night. But the comparison of their current neglected state with the shimmering beauty of the paintings told him they used to be Dusk Court territories taken away by Night and left to deteriorate as Velaris was to be given everything they once had instead.
Finally, they uncovered the last painting. A professionally done portrait that left both him and Lucien surprised.
Oisin was part of the group, he had his crown and characteristic silk garments but he looked younger, and his arms were lovingly wrapped around Rosabella, who appeared to be pregnant, presumably with Dorevan.
Beside them was a couple he didn't recognize. A beautiful blonde woman wore a purple kimono dress adorned with red spider lily flowers, her nails were long and red and her hair was done up in the traditional yokai female style, along with ornaments, but what caught his attention was the fact her eyes were pure white without pupils. Beside her was a male dressed in a dark blue kimono with white stars, his hair was black and tied in a high ponytail and he had red eyes that shimmered like rubies. He was protectively holding onto the blonde woman. What finally made him recognize them was one of the ornaments in the woman's hair, a black calypso flower.
"The High Lady of Dusk, this must be her and her husband."
"She looks to have lesser fae ancestry. Do you think that's what Rhysand's father used against her?" Lucien asked. Both of them winced at the thought.
"Could be, though if this area is meant to have mostly yokai, perhaps Dusk had a majority of lesser fae."
A Court with a matriarchal line and an abundance of lesser fae, and the so-called forward-thinking Night High Lords wiped it off the map. He'd laugh at the irony if it didn't make him seethe.
The final couple of the painting was what surprised them both most. The man was clearly a younger Beron, looking almost like a clone of Eris save for the reddish-brown hair and the fact he had facial hair even at this age. The woman leaning into him was clearly from Dawn, she wore a red sari, her skin was dark, her long hair was flowing freely in an array of gorgeous curls, she had pretty brown eyes and her hands were wrapped around Beron's arm, covered in what looked to be traditional Dawn henna. What did give them both pause was her face. She looked just like Priya Contreras if she was a fae.
The bottom of the portrait had writing on it. Tamlin recognized the handwriting as his mother's. It read: "The great ones, we shall bring in a new Era for the earth, sky, and sea!" A small heart was made beside the words with the same paint as the writing.
"I suppose we now have material for the next meeting." Lucien joked. Unable to take his eyes off the portrait.