Chapter 9: I knew I needed you, but I never showed
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Season 5, Episode 1
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A/N — lines in italics from Season 5, Episode 1, Casus Belli and Season 3, Episode 13, Don't Look Back
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Danny turned the ring he still wore on his left hand. Finding Pablo today had been a stroke of luck, a huge step in their efforts to gain intel on Tavo for whenever they were able to re-establish contact with the United States. But Pablo's question about the Nathan James had opened up the floodgates, and now Danny couldn't seem to get them closed again.
When Marco first arrived with the news that the fleet was attacked, that ships were sinking and thousands dead, it took Danny only seconds to realize what he needed to do. Kara would have been on the Nathan James, easily among those already killed, along with her entire crew. If she were already dead, there was nothing that Danny could do to change that. But what he could do was put himself in a position to help anyone who had survived. He could still remember every word of that conversation with Sasha.
We have to get back to the States.
There's no point in rushing home now.
Danny, our fleet was hit. Our friends, our family ...
They may be dead. But for what comes next, we're on the front line. We have no orders from home, but we know who the enemy is. We go south toward Columbia. We gather intelligence, allies, anything. We put ourselves in a position to be the tip of the spear until backup arrives.
The team — especially Sasha — had stared at him in shock, almost horror, and he could almost hear them wondering how he could be so composed when his own damn wife was on one of those ships. When, at that very moment, he might be the only parent that his son had left. How could he not want to go back to the States as quickly as possible? How could he not want to find out what happened and be there for Frankie if the worst had, in fact, happened?
But those voices were drowned out by Kara's voice. The words that she said to him after the Nathan James returned from Asia, just before she went after Allison Shaw, when Danny asked her how she could put herself in that position, knowing full well that neither one of them might come back, leaving their son an orphan.
Then Frankie will know that we died so he didn't have to grow up in a world like this.
Danny knew that Sasha and Wolf and Azima didn't understand. They had watched him over the past few days, as though waiting for his calm façade to crack. And maybe they were right. Because just the mention of Kara's name was enough to open the floodgates, the fear and grief and anger almost overpowering. When that happened, he repeated Kara's words again and again. Reminding himself that nobody else in the world might understand, but that didn't matter. Because Kara would understand. If she were standing here right now, this is what she would have done. What she would have wanted Danny to do.
God, he wished that he had done things differently before he left. Pushing away the one person who truly seemed to understand him. Not even trying to fix things or smooth them over. Buying himself time. And now he might never have another chance at all. What would he do if Kara was dead? If he was the only parent who Frankie had left? Could he ever trust himself to be a parent again? Or was Frankie already an orphan in every way that mattered?
Sasha settled next to Danny. "You're talking to yourself, you know."
"Sorry." Danny gave her a sideways glance. "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?"
"I was thinking about Tom."
Danny was surprised by the admission. Like himself, Sasha seemed to have compartmentalized over the past few days, keeping the team focused on the task ahead. "I don't understand why they haven't contacted us."
Sasha nodded. "I've been thinking about that. Television is still working, so the satellite link is still active. The only reason for them to stay silent is if they are worried about a leak."
"That's why you told Azima to stay off the sat phone," Danny murmured, feeling stupid for not figuring it out earlier. Maybe he was more distracted than he realized, which was never a good thing, especially in the field. "You think that Tavo cracked the communication system."
"There has to be someone on the inside," Sasha continued. She stopped, paused, then continued. "You've seen the broadcasts. I've watched them over and over again. We can make out the shells of the Michener, the Cruz, and the O'Connor still at the dock. They didn't even try to move. There is no way that anyone took out all three without knocking out communications first. Even with ten minutes of warning those ships would have been moving into the bay before they were sunk."
Since that first day, Danny hadn't watched the broadcasts. Claiming that he knew what his face looked like already. But that was another stupid decision, he suddenly realized. Maybe he wasn't quite as focused as he kept telling himself. "No sign of the James on any of the broadcasts?"
"No," Sasha confirmed. "I know that ship backwards and forwards and I haven't seen anything to suggest that the Nathan James was even at the port. You know Kara the best. If the Nathan James was out to sea when the attack started, would Kara have gone back?"
Danny didn't even have to think. "Hell, no. If she was clear of the harbor, going back would only have restricted her options. And if there was one thing that we've learned over the past five years, it's the power of a strategic retreat."
"That's what I thought." Sasha nodded. Her voice dropped. "I think they got away, Danny. I think they are doing exactly what we are doing. Hiding, finding allies and information, waiting for the right moment to re-appear."
"Like San Diego," Danny murmured. Last time he had scared Kara half to death, thinking that he went down with the Henan. He supposed turn-around was fair play.
This time Sasha cracked half a smile. "Exactly. I just hope Command can get communications back. Because, otherwise, I'm not sure what good any of that information is going to do."