iCan't Help Falling in Love with You

"Take my hand, take my whole life too for I can't help falling in love with you" -Edith Whiskers

I open the door slowly, and flinch when I hear the squeak. I will have to remember to oil the hinges this weekend, but for now I have a mission to accomplish. It has been exactly 16 hours and 45 minutes since I have been with the love of my life. I am so exhausted I can barely shrug myself out of my overcoat and it takes more effort than it should just to hang my Fedora on the peg in the hallway.

I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly as I rub my neck working at the knots on my shoulders caused by too many late nights grading exams and reading essay's. I've been covering Professor Brown's History of New Media class while he's on medical leave. Spending the better part of the past two weeks dodging debates about social media marketing plans from self-proclaimed business geniuses; and suggestive glances from co-eds in skirts too short and sweaters cut too low. Carly really needs to get a ring on this finger. I haven't been hit on this much since; well since ever really.

The house is quiet, except for the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall and the steady hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

I glance at my watch, 11:30 pm by now Carly has been asleep for at least two hours. It makes me a little sad that she isn't waiting up for me like she used to, but we have two month old and shes been a bit of a terrorist lately. The baby; not Carly but even that depends on the day and how much sleep this household has been granted. I set my briefcase on the entry table and kick off my shoes, careful to put them in the basket and not to make the mistake of leaving them in the entryway like I did last week. I don't quite see how that equates to leaving the toilet seat up in her eyes but this is Carly and what she wishes is my command.

I empty the contents of my pockets into a catch all dish sitting on the entryway table so I can find my car keys in the morning. That's a 6AM argument I would rather not repeat again thank you very much; and give myself a passing glance in the mirror running a hand over my five o'clock shadow that now reads half past nine. I wonder if Carly would care if I just grew a beard? I'm too tired to shave right now. I give myself a lopsided grin, a beard would make me look distinguished and worldly.

" Hey you." she says leaning against the kitchen counter, her smile is warm and inviting. I am a blessed man. I cross the room slowly, a sly smile spreading over my lips as I welcome the thought of being enveloped in her arms. Carly pulls at the belt on her robe covering the nightgown that clings to her body in all the right places. She's been a little self conscious since having the baby. The woman has absolutely no reason to be because those post baby curves are the sexiest thing I have ever seen. The woman carried my child, she's a Goddess.

I make a mental note to get her a spa day next week and take her out on an actual date. Besides, Harper and Tinsley have been chomping at the bit to spend time with Millicent and the baby. Harper texted me four times today alone. I am so truly grateful for the family I have, especially the ones who aren't related to me by blood.

"Hiya," I say a little loudly causing her to jump. I cant help it sometimes I can't control the volume of my voice, especially when I am excited. But then again I am always excited to see her.

"Shhhh." she says placing a manicured finger on her lips.

I grin and pull her hand away from her perfect mouth covering it instead with a kiss. I relish in the contented hum she gives when I deepen the kiss pressing her against the wall. She laughs and pushes me away, " You need a shave." she says running her hand over my cheek. I frown. Looks like I am going to be shaving soon, " How was your day?" I ask nuzzling her nose with mine before releasing her and taking her hand. She doesn't answer, I don't press.

"Come here daddy." She says crooking her finger as she backs down the hallway. I follow like some love struck teenager, but then again what else I new. I have been a stricken since the first day I saw her. We walk down the hall hand in hand, stopping at the bedroom across from ours. When her hand drops from mine I pull her into tight hug, because I have missed her so much my heart aches. "I missed you too." she says softly.

This is my second favorite room in this house and its full of my favorite person on this planet (outside her mom and Millicent of course). I navigate the room via a well placed star shaped nightlight that Carly insisted on and I wouldn't dare say no to.

I walk to her crib and place my hand over the mess of brown curls at the nape of her neck. I got my wish, I'm a girl dad and its incredible. She makes the most amazing little sniffles when she sleeps, and her lips curl into a little pout. She has me completely and utterly amazed by her beauty. The room smells of baby powder and whatever lavender scented soap Carly uses, when she bathes our little miracle. Which is what she is. A miracle. My miracle. My gift.

"Hi baby." I say whispering softly.

"Shhh" Carly pats my back and points to the daybed on the wall opposite the crib, "You are going to wake Milli."

"She fell asleep in here again?" I say tiptoeing over, pulling the covers to her shoulder and kissing her cheek. I take in the moment that rarely happens now that shes a pre-teen. She's growing up so fast. She might not be mine biologically but she's my daughter and I am grateful every day for the privilege of being her chosen dad.

"She takes her big sister duties very seriously." I hear Carly whispering behind me, she is still standing with her hand on the crib allowing this private moment between Milli and I.

"Apparently century duty is part of that job description." I say as I push one of her braids away from her temple and kiss her again, before heading back over to Carly.

"Apparently so." she says giving me a quick peck on my lips."Freddie shes been the best, I think you know what has to happen right?"

"Yup, I'll order the hard drive tomorrow."

Carly rubs my back affectionately."Your children own you." Her smile is infectious and so is the yawn that escapes her, "I'll see you in bed soon then eh?" she says giving me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. She's right though, they do. I was made for this girl dad thing.

Our daughter stretches and whimpers a little in her sleep and I reach over brushing her tiny hand with my index finger. Sometimes I am scared to touch her for fear I may break her like she is a precious piece of glass, no matter how many times Carly swears that baby humans are made of tougher stuff than I think.

Her little brown eyes, (yes another wonderful me trait she inherited) open and she yawns, blinking until she focuses on mine, then she grunts. I feel my heart flutter. "Hey there Sam." Yes, we named her after our childhood best friend. Sam was such huge part of our lives in so many ways we couldn't think of a better way to honor that bond than by making our daughter her namesake.

Her full name is Samantha James Benson (James is Spencer's middle name) but we just call her SJ for short.

I lift her to my shoulder and she snuggles in deeper as I place kisses over her chubby cheeks. We sit, as the moonlight streams through the curtains casting a glittery hue on her tired countenance. I rock her gently as I rub her back. I can't fathom how much I love this tiny little being. She has rocked my world so completely that I sometimes am overcome with how truly amazing it is that two people who love each other so much can make someone as perfect as this.

"Would you like me to tell you a story SJ?"

Her yawn is her only reply.

I run my hand over the velvety softness of her tiny pink footie pajamas and rub circles over her back like my mom used to do for me."Music," I say aloud as we rock back and forth in the darkness of her room, "Music is more than just wavelengths and frequencies of sound converted to energy. It is emotion and experience. Joy and sorrow. Can I tell you a secret?" Sam grunts and mewls and wiggles a little in my arms, " I created a playlist for your mommy. I started it the day I met her. I haven't shared it with her yet but it is filled with songs that tell our story. I add to it all the time. Every time we make a memory. It has the song that played the first time I held your mommy in my arms and we danced, the song she sang at a fans wedding and the one I hope to propose to her with one day. Millie has one too. It's kind of my thing kiddo using music to punctuate the sentences of the story of my life. People think I am all about the tech stuff or the geeky stuff but I run so much deeper than that. I started your playlist the day your mommy told me about you. Would you like to hear your first song? "

I brush my finger over her cheek and bring her to my lips kissing her softly on the forehead then nestle her close to my chest so she can hear me sing.

"Wise men say only fools rush in but I can't help falling in love with... YOU"

He doesn't know, but I have been standing just outside the door of our daughters room. I heard every word he said. Should I tell him my little secret?

iMade a Mixtape.