Jack and Dan were arguing in the kitchen when the doorbell rang out of the blue.

Phil, who had been immersed in Food Fantasy on his phone, glanced around the apartment when it rang a second time. It seemed like Mark had gone to lecture Jack and Dan on their cooking argument, and had begun to wrestle with Jack, which in turn meant they ended up pulling Dan to the floor with them.

"Guys knock it off! Lemme go!"

"-Ah fer effs sake, Mark!"

"-idiots-"

"I'll get it!" Phil shouted. He rolled his eyes as it went unnoticed.

A/N:

*One hundred sixty Centimeters (160)=about five foot three (5'3") *Southerner= by this I mean someone from the Southern area of English.

He wasn't really upset, of course, no matter how much he hated answering the door.

Phil didn't recall ordering anything online recently; it was probably the postman with something for one of the others.

With a cheery hum, he opened the door.

He found himself blinking in confusion.

"Uh, hello? What can I do for you?"

It wasn't the postman, that was for sure; and he was quite certain that it wasn't a postwoman, either.

She was probably in her mid-to-late-twenties; maybe 160 cm*, with bright, bright green eyes, and the palest blonde hair Phil had ever seen. It was almost white, just barely tinged gold, with soft, indigo dyed ends.

Had they ever met before?

He hadn't realized he had said that aloud until she sputtered, "Er, ah, noh, we've noht. Eh just saw youh recently at the bezaar."

It took Phil a minute to process her accent (which, despite having come across quite a few in his life, he found he couldn't place). It eventually clicked that she was referring to the flea market yesterday.

"Oh! The flea market! Sorry I didn't see you?" He scratched his head.

Wow, this was awkward.

Why was it so awkward?

Phil looked up from the ground when he heard a throat clear, and realized that the girl had a companion. A man easily near Phil's own height, with dark brown hair and a bristling moustache. His accent wasn't nearly as thick and much more like a southerner*.

"Apologies for any confusion. Lady Evanzera came by with a gift for your consideration."

"O. . .kay?"

Phil was beyond confused as to what the heck was going on, but he was quick to grab what Evanzera shoved into his hands. Luckily, despite his clumsy tendencies and her rushed manner, he didn't drop it. She looked away from him as he examined it.

It was the porcelain pig from the market.

He had seen it in a stall, a good size but small enough to fit in his hand. He thought it was simultaneously cute and funny, with how it glanced over it's shoulder and past a jutting rear-end. Dan had even found it hilarious.

But it was the end of the month, so Phil didn't have much money, and to top it off, it wasn't a piggy bank like he had hoped, so he had left it.

Even if he did glance morosely at it more than once before they left.

But this girl - this stranger - has apparently seen him do so, and had bought it for him.

He felt somewhat mortified, and somewhat appreciative.

"Awww, I mean, thank you, but you really didn't have to."

"So you approve?" The man - Phil decided to refer to him as Jeeves in his head - asked. "Lady Evanzera has been searching for a suitable suitor since the Xroxas Galaxy, and we have been unable to find one that caught her eye until we happened upon you."

Phil's brain was doing overdrive, noting that something was off in the sentence, but he couldn't quite pick up what.

Not until he was shot with such a poignant amused from Dan.

"Wait wait wait - suitor?!" He practically squeaked. "I mean, uh, that's- but I'm not-"

"Youh doh not like the gehft?" Evanzera asked. And Phil finally realized that it was a forlorn question, and that she had been acting shy this whole time.

"Oh no no! It's great! I love it! I- I mean I really, really appreciate it!" He was bumbling his words, flustered, and gently trying to hand the porcelain pig back. "It's just-" he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not . . .realky looking for a relationship right now. For a. . .suitortress?" He scrunched his brow. "At the moment."

"Ah-" Her eyes lit up. "Eh see. Eht ehs- Eh am noht ohffended." She looked at her feet, then back up, firmly placing the pig in his hand. "Eh want youh toh keep eht, please. After ouhr mehsunderstanding."

"I-" Phil swallowed, thoroughly embarrassed. "Thanks."

Evanzera smiles brightly, and Jeeves gave a slight nod.

They left without further a word.

"Well. . .that happened," Phil muttered to himself, turning the porcelain pig around this way and that to examin it.

He found himself flushing as Dan snickered. "I'll say."

"Don't you dare."

"So when's the wedding?"

"Jack."

"Ah, c'mon guys." Mark said placatingly. "Leave him alone."

Phil started to relax.

"I mean, he needs to have a first date first."

"That's it!"

Anyone passing by could hear the laughter and shrieks of rage as Phil chased them around the apartment.

A/N: *One hundred sixty Centimeters (160)=about five foot three (5'3")

*Southerner= by this I mean someone from the Southern area of English.