CHAPTER NINE

Hauled through the black space between realities, Axel found himself suddenly dazzled by the brightness of the sun, hitting him full in the face with a blast of heat. He was coughing, gurgling on his own blood, thrashing in Roxas's grip in confusion, which only intensified when his flailing caused – sand? – to fly everywhere. Now, he was choking for a different reason, rolling onto his hands and knees, with great, bloody, hacking coughs while shaking the sand from his hair.

As he gasped for air, he heard the ocean. The ocean! He lifted his head and looked around in utter bewilderment. He saw – a golden beach stretching out and away; jewel-like, rolling waves as blue as the sky; the distant call of gulls. He would assume it also smelled like salt, but hey, guess what: he couldn't smell shit.

Wincing from the pain of it, he lifted a sandy hand and brushed it feebly against his shirt before trying to – stem the flow of the blood somehow. As soon as he touched it, he gave an involuntarily loud yelp, Roxas beside him huffing a little as he rocked to his feet. "It's not that bad," he scolded.

Talking very carefully, Axel said, "You broke… my nose."

Roxas grumbled something to himself, Axel quite wanting to continue the conversation except that the pain of speaking was making him feel a little light-headed. Roxas, phone still in hand, dialled again. As Axel grovelled about in the sand, he suddenly shouted, "Kairi! Babyyyyy! Guess who's in town?" He walked around idly as he talked. "Nah, it's just me today, but I do have a guest, and I was wondering if I could bring him over? Yeah, we're on the beach." He glanced over at Axel with something resembling remorse. Maybe. "Uh, well, he's bleeding kind of… everywhere…" He then hurried to say, "No, no, he's fine! He's –"

"Fine my aaaaaaassssss," Axel howled in the background, the act worth every ounce of pain. "You broke my nose, you little bitch!"

Roxas paused, took a breath, dug his free hand into his hoodie pocket and, after listening to the person on the other end, said pleasantly, "Yeah? Okay. We'll be there in a minute." He then ended the call, turned, and sent Axel a look that made him wither a little. "Maybe she'll also have a bag of peas for my face," he suggested to Axel, striding to his side, hauling him to his feet, brushing him down so that he was a brief shower of sand.

"Hey, watch the hands," he mumbled, as Roxas's efforts brushed very near the front of his bike shorts. Roxas paused, then shook his head and sighed.

"Good enough," he decided out loud, then took Axel's hands and unzipped the beach, zipping the world back up in a new location which was… sand-free, but still within reach of it. He could still hear the sea, it was just further away now. The warm breeze was gone, replaced by the white walls of a light-filled room and the smells of – flowers, and coffee. The room was welcomingly decorated; wicker furniture, potted palms, small tables here and there so everyone would have a place to put their drink. There was a bookshelf overflowing with books and knickknacks to one side of the room, and a window looking directly out to the ocean. If it wasn't for all the, you know, recent events, it might have been a very friendly sort of room to find oneself in. But Axel had had just about enough of being zipped here and there like a ragdoll, and his face was in agony, and now there was sand in his goddamn underwear, so he squeezed his bruising eyes shut and declared, sounding very blocked-up, and with a spray of blood, "Enough! No more zipping! No more unzipping! I'm done! I don't like this ride, I wanna get off."

"Zipping and unzipping…?" a girl's voice echoed, sounding amused. "Should I come back later?"

They turned, Roxas breaking into a broad smile and running to meet the red-haired girl behind them, scooping her up easily in a hug that had her shrieking because she was carrying a coffee in each hand. "Roxas! Spilling!"

"Whoops." Setting her down carefully, Roxas grinned sheepishly and scratched at his head while she tutted and quickly found coasters to set the drinks down on. She turned back to him, and they hugged properly this time. "How's it going, Kairi?" he softly asked, and Axel felt a random pang of jealousy. He cleared his throat, and it sounded absolutely disgusting because he was full of phlegm and blood. The pair looked at his rapidly swelling face, and he gave a casual wave.

"Yo."

"Oh, my god," the girl exclaimed, immediately letting go of Roxas and rushing to his side. "Oh, you poor thing, here, sit down, get comfortable. I'm going to take care of this for you, all right?" Axel found himself sitting in an extremely comfortable seat, the padding world-class on the wicker, as she knelt and gazed up into his face with a warm smile. "I'm Kairi. And you're Axel, right?" When he managed a slight nod, pain shooting at the action, the smile turned compassionate. "It's okay. We'll talk later. Is it all right with you if I touch your face?"

He gestured with his hand this time, inviting her to do as she pleased, confused but willing to see where this was going. Very gently, but unfortunately not without hurting him, Kairi placed her fingertips on his face, whispered, "Sorry," then… closed her eyes, and began to hum. It was just a small, aimless tune, as far as Axel could tell. But it had… a maternal sound to it, almost. Like a mother lullabying a crying child back to sleep. He felt so… soothed. His own eyes fluttered shut, and for a while, he just listened, forgetting about his face, the recent wild events, even the pain of seeing Demyx… like that… it was all put momentarily on hold.

Eventually, Kairi's voice petered out, the little song ending, and Axel drew a long, deep, calm breath. His eyes opened slowly as he felt the hands leave his face, and when he blinked, he saw Kairi looking at him with satisfaction, Roxas smiling crookedly in the background, head tilted at him. At first he didn't understand, until he moved his head and felt – nothing at all. Not a throb. Not a stab. Not a single ounce of pain. Reaching up in disbelief, he touched his completely repaired face. "It's… it's all gone," he stated, needing them to know despite knowing they were already fully aware.

"Uh-huh," Roxas said, sounding just the slightest bit bummed.

Then Kairi apologised, "I'm sorry, the only drawback is that your tattoos..." She made a face and trailed off. Axel reached up to where they were supposed to be. "You'll need to get those done again, I'm afraid," she told him.

"A pretty small price to pay for a fixed face," Roxas said, resignedly. Apparently, he liked Axel's tattoos. But hey, he was willing to put up for it if it meant the nose that he broke was all healed up.

Axel sent Roxas a long look that had the blond glancing away with a guilty look on his face, before meeting Kairi's gaze again and simply saying, "Thank you." The smile she gave in return crinkled kindly at the corners of her eyes as she patted his hand.

"It was my pleasure." She straightened up and stepped back, fetching one of the coffees and placing it on its coaster on the small glass table beside his seat. "Sugar or cream?" When he distantly shook his head, she again touched him, on the shoulder this time, and turned to Roxas. "Usual for you?"

"Yeah, thanks." She left the room, and Roxas cautiously approached, taking the seat near Axel's. "…Hey," he said, after a long beat. "You doing okay?"

Axel looked at him dazedly. "I – I don't know."

"Drink that coffee," Kairi recommended, returning bearing a small tray laden with sugar cubes and an adorable little pitcher of cream. "But carefully, it's still hot."

Axel nodded jerkily, and did as bidden, picking up the cup and blowing on it with a distant expression. Roxas watched him closely, thanking Kairi and adjusting the coffee to his liking before partaking. Kairi sat across from them, the pair of them studying Axel for a moment, before starting up their own conversation. It rambled in the background as Axel stared vacantly at nothing in particular, alternating between cooling and sipping, enjoying the flavour of what was clearly barista-quality coffee.

When he finally set his cup down with a sigh, he had found some words. Seeming to pick up on his cue, the other two paused expectantly. "…Where am I right now?" he asked, sounding normal again, human again.

"This is Destiny Island," Roxas answered. "And this is my friend, and Sora's best friend, Kairi. We grew up here before we moved to Radiant Garden."

"And she's… you're…" Axel turned his attention to Kairi. "You're a god – too?"

The two of them exchanged a glance, Axel wondering what the big secret was. "See, the thing about Kairi is…" Roxas searched for the words, but she was much more blunt about it.

"I'm like Xehanort," she volunteered, Axel staring in surprise, then laughing briefly, then staring some more, his mouth a flat line. He glanced at Roxas.

"What is this?"

Roxas ran his tongue over his teeth, thinking of how to word this. "Kairi is… a vessel, for one of the old gods. Like Xehanort choosing Xemnas, but Kairi chose… Kairi."

"I found a little girl dying at sea," Kairi told him, keeping her voice low so as not to antagonise him, "and I asked permission to save her, which the child agreed to. After that, I washed up on Destiny Island and continued living the life that the little girl would have lost."

Axel had been dealing with a lot lately. Newfound godhood, or at the very least a dwindling reincarnation thereof. Roxas, and all the delight and mess that he brought into Axel's life. Setting things on fire with his own will. Losing his job. His best friend was a puppet. He'd felt like he'd been dying from a fever, and he'd felt his own nose break. And now, this. And his mind – it just couldn't take this one extra thing. If it hadn't been for the fact that Kairi had been so gentle, he'd have ordinarily started flipping tables by now. But no. He was… a guest here. She had healed him. With her Literal God powers, which had apparently taken possession of a drowning little girl one day. And she had compared herself to Xehanort, the self-same one currently with his hooks in Axel's best friend. But somehow this was… Roxas's friend? And Sora's best friend? 'No god shit under my roof' Sora?

He turned to Roxas, and evenly commanded, "Explain." It was the only alternative to the furniture-tossing that he could currently think of.

"You are a reincarnation," Roxas reluctantly complied, "but Kairi is the real deal. Like… you are diluted, and Kairi is full-strength."

Oh, gee, thanks. That wasn't emasculating at all. "But why?" he asked, through clenched teeth, hands balled on his knees. "I just saw Demyx being Xehanort's puppet, and you're the one telling me that it's Xemnas who's the latest in a string of bad guys that this god has apparently been like… illegally keeping his full godliness at full strength with, but then you're pals with someone else doing the exact same goddamn thing?" His voice had started rising as he spoke, and by the end he was on his feet and breathing raggedly, demanding of Roxas with a snarl, "What's the difference between her and Demyx? That's what I want to know, right the fuck now. No more fucking around. Just say it plain, or don't fucking say it at all."

Roxas remained sitting throughout, and when Axel finally broke off, he glanced at Kairi, who lifted her shoulders lightly, before he told Axel, "Okay. But sit down again, first. I want you to stay calm, and if you keep standing there like that, you're going to get overtaken by the 'passion' thing and you'll put a hole through the wall. So put your ass back on the cushion. I know it's comfy."

Axel hesitated, but agreed to the terms and lowered himself to the chair. He took an unsteady breath and exhaled it just as shakily, but nevertheless was willing to commit to at least behaving himself and trying to keep himself under control for now. "…Okay. Proceed."

Roxas eyed him, then said, "Kairi has an old name, but she doesn't use it anymore. She suspected that Xehanort wasn't going to go down quietly like the rest of the gods, that he was going to use it as an opportunity somehow, so because she couldn't trust him as far as she could fucking throw him… she stayed. Just like he stayed. Hiding from one lifetime to the next, finding one vessel after the other, but only ever willing ones. Priests and priestesses in the early days, then when the old religions died off, she sought out the very sick or dying and exchanged a pain-free existence for allowing her to merge with them. She doesn't erase the identity, she coexists with them until their natural life ends. Then she seeks another form."

"So she possesses them just like Xehanort?" Axel asked sharply.

This time, it was Kairi who answered. "I'll speak for myself from here, Roxas," she said softly. It was now she who was the target of Axel's challenging glare. In return, she smiled kindly. "My name really is Kairi," she told him, leaning forward and kicking her feet slightly, just a little, habitual jostle that was so human it was dizzying. But no – that's just what she wanted him to see. It was deliberate, it had to be. "I'm nineteen years old, and this," she held up her hands to encompass the room, "is my parents' house. They're travelling right now. They do that a lot," she chuckled a little. "Ever since my dad retired from being mayor. They were already older when I turned up on the shores of Destiny Island, so they're enjoying their retirement, and I get to basically live rent-free on my own while I study, so it's very win-win."

"…What do you study?" Axel had to ask.

"Quantum physics at the moment," she answered, brightly. "It's absolutely wonderful stuff. The more humanity learns, the more I then get to learn about the world. I might be a god, but I'm still always learning."

Axel glowered. "So you are the god. Kairi is just… the latest face."

But she shook her head. "No, Axel. We're merely… joined. If anything, the god is the passenger, and I, Kairi, am the dominant one. She's just… she's so old," her tone took on a sort of reverence. "She's so old, Axel, she thinks and speaks in ways we can't even perceive, not even me. But she's here with me, and she shares herself with me." She twinkled her fingers at him. "That's how I was able to heal you. I used to bless people, you know." She looked wistful. "Young women who would go out and be healers, using my song, my power." The intermittent switching between first- and second-person was starting to make Axel's head hurt. But maybe that was… the point. Maybe it was just like she said. They were… merged. Existing both as something terribly old, and some girl who wasn't even twenty yet. Certainly there was none of the… sense of dread that Demyx had given him. This didn't appear to be a hostile, or violating, or oppressing entity. Kairi didn't look like she was struggling. In fact, she looked so carefree Axel felt envious.

"So you, what? Keep passing yourself around like a really big blunt until – what? What's the end-game?"

"Until Xehanort makes his move," Kairi steadfastly replied, the answer not even a question in her mind. "As soon as he reveals his hand, I'll do the same. So far, he hasn't realised I'm not in true rotation, and everyone lost sight of each other so quickly once the cycles began. Without the messenger, we just can't see each other. We get feelings, though." She smiled at Roxas. "We seem to be drawn to each other. You never know which one of your friends might actually be a reincarnated god, but that's how it's supposed to be." The took on a touch of sadness. "Everything has an end. I – regret that I was unable to join my fellow gods." She touched her chest, and after a quiet moment, smiled anew at Axel with wet eyes. "I miss them all terribly." Her expression took on a longing quality as she studied him. "I've missed you," she said, so honestly, so sorrowful and earnest that even Axel could no longer fight her.

He sagged, his whole demeanour shifting. He didn't feel tired in body anymore, thanks to Kairi's healing power, but he nevertheless was starting to feel… burnt out by all this. He massaged his forehead, trying to keep it all straight in his head. "So, you're – a full-power, for-real… god?"

"Just as you once were," Kairi confirmed, with a nod that send her red bob swishing along her jaw. "But for now, I'm just a girl on an island. I've had a happy life. I don't have any memories from before I almost drowned, but I hope to one day access them if they're still in there and find out who my birth parents are." As Axel stared, she again shrugged, as if this one motion was what she had found over the millennia to be the most effective. "I'm Kairi, with everything that entails."

"…Right."

Axel apparently sounding the right amount of shocked, Roxas asked, "You better now? You're not going to cause Kairi any trouble, right?"

He hesitantly shook his head. "No, I – I think I understand. Sort of." He gulped, the tiny thought that had been growing alongside his acceptance of Kairi needing to come out. "But – but doesn't that mean that the same could be true of Demyx?" He reached out towards Roxas, seeking agreement. "You saw him, too, you heard him. He still cared about me, right? Xemnas wouldn't, and Xehanort sure as shit wouldn't. You told me that the people Xehanort takes over are gone, but Demyx was still in there. He told you to take me and get out. He told you." He turned to Kairi. "Isn't it possible? Just like how you merge with your vessels, isn't it possible that Xehanort does the same?"

"But Axel, it would still mean that your friend was part-Xehanort," Kairi regretfully told him. "And the only time I leave a vessel is when the vessel dies. I don't even know if it's possible to separate the two once they've merged. I've never tried, but it would probably be… painful. For both parties." She quickly rubs her arms, as if comforting herself from the thought of such a splitting.

"…Even so." To Axel's surprise, it was Roxas who spoke up, sounding thoughtful, albeit reluctantly so. "The way that Demyx acted after you bit him."

"Right?" Axel eagerly seized upon his wavering conviction. "He's not just an empty shell for Xehanort, is he? In that moment, the shock of what I did caused him to wake up! It's like he's, he's under a spell or something!"

"He's under possession," Kairi firmly pointed out, looking between them seriously. "It's not uncommon for his puppets to express self-agency, but that's the most cruel part of what Xehanort does, don't you see? He doesn't merge, he suppresses. He crushes. He lets them live while he doesn't need them, but each and every one of them is just one of his many feelers. The moment he wants to, he takes them over."

"But he still spoke like Demyx," Axel argued. He looked at Roxas for support, unable to keep the resentment from his tone as he added, "You sure fucking heard it, standing all the way back while I was getting crushed against the wall." As Roxas scowled, he resumed urgently, to Kairi, "He was recalling the ancient past like it was just yesterday, but still behaving like my best friend. He was still Demyx, talking to Axel."

She frowned slightly, not accepting what he was trying to tell her. "I'm so sorry, Axel, but your friend will simply never be free of Xehanort, any more than I will be of my god."

"But you said it yourself," Axel desperately tried to convince them. "You merge with your vessels, right? The two beings become tangled. But Xehanort suppresses. He doesn't give a shit about the consciousness beneath him, so he just shoves it to the back. What if that means removing his influence would leave just – the real person behind?"

Roxas and Kairi shared a glance, not exactly – persuaded, but also not not persuaded.

"I didn't see it," Kairi said to Roxas, deferring to his judgement, much to his displeasure. He looked at Axel with some frustration, sighing sharply.

"Can I – can I have time to think about it?"

"Yes," Axel immediately agreed. If Roxas was willing to think about it, perhaps he was open to changing his mind. But then he had to ask, "How long?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Fine. Let me sleep on it." He reached out to Kairi, tapping her shoulder casually. "Can we stay overnight? Guest room?"

"Sure, help me get it ready?"

Axel watched the interaction, and again, out of goddamn nowhere, was that sting of jealousy. For fuck's sake, she was an ancient deity in a young girl's body. A pretty girl, sure, and one that Roxas had apparently grown up with, who was close enough to not only know about everything but be part of everything, and maybe even helped Roxas come to terms with his powers just as Roxas was for him, and he was absolutely overthinking this. He knew he was. But their casual affection was bothering him, and nothing he did or told himself was changing that.

They were laughing by the time they came back, Axel exactly where they'd left him, stewing silently over his love life while the world was falling to pieces around him. Roxas sent him an questioning look. "Wanna get takeout? There's a few really good places on the island, I'm so excited to be eating here again."

Axel glowered, causing Roxas to falter slightly, remembering himself. Right. Axel was still... processing. And coming to terms with the fact that Demyx was a Xehanort puppet. Maybe not the best time to get enthused over the dinner scene. Sensing the tension, Kairi raised her hand and said, "I'll go! I know your favourites, Roxas, I'll make sure to get something everyone can enjoy." She flashed Axel one last look of – what? Understanding? Sorrow? Every look she gave him was loaded with too many thoughts and memories. It was – noisy, almost. He glanced away, unable to handle the pressure, and Kairi lightly said, "Back soon, guys!"

He heard the front door open and close, so that it was just the two of them: him and Roxas.

It was the first time since the encounter with Ansem that they had been properly alone together. "You did see it, didn't you?" he quietly asked, looking at Roxas.

Roxas blinked, but nodded. "Yeah. I saw it. I saw… Demyx."

Axel started weeping again, the tears overflowing before he could stop them. And he'd thought Demyx was an easy crier. "Damn it. Shit." He wiped his face, trying to hold it back. At least this time there was no blood.

From the other side of the room, Roxas asked, "Are you going to punch me again if I come close?"

Axel wordlessly shook his head. That was gone. That anger, that rage, that anguish, it had given way to a quieter despair. Roxas approached slowly, lowering himself on his haunches beside Axel's chair. Cautiously, he crept a hand forward, and touched Axel's fingertips. They jerked reflexively, but then sought his hand out almost desperately, clutching hard. Roxas returned the pressure, just like he'd returned the punch. He gazed up into Axel's shifting expression, brushing the long red spikes out of his face, smoothing them back against his forehead. Axel looked up and met his gaze, reaching for him in the next moment, pulling him close and kissing him deeply. Roxas gave back just as much, the two of them clutching each other like this was the eye of the storm. Axel dragged him up from the floor onto his lap, Roxas settling comfortably between his knees, pushing his hands hard through Axel's tangled hair as Axel hungrily lapped at his mouth. He groaned deeply as Roxas ground himself into his hips, the sound rumbling in his chest.

This kid. This kid. This fucking guy. He had jerked Axel around, whisked him from place to place with nary a warning, had changed his life, smashed his nose, and given him two shiners, but never before had Axel felt so complete as when within his grasp.

They huffed heavily through their noses for air as the kissing continued, Roxas again rocking against him, his lips travelling down and nipping at Axel, making the man's eyes flutter, his chest hitch as he muttered, "Oh, my god." He returned the nip, picking a place on Roxas's throat to leave it, the blond jerking in his grip as he pinched the flesh between his teeth. Roxas's nails dragged down the side of his neck, leaving long, red marks. Gasping, Axel found his lips again and once more they were kissing, Roxas rocking rhythmically against him, all the pressure, the stress, the power, the electricity of the past few weeks crashed in on this one moment in time. He held Roxas close, gripped him hard, kissing him so hard it was painful, it had to be painful for both of them, but neither of them cared. Panting, they broke apart, but Roxas continued to ride him, rough denim against the thin fabric of bike shorts. With hooded lids, they maintained eye contact, alternately gasping or letting out a small moan, with Roxas leaning forward and kissing him as they started reaching their peak, grinding his hips while panting against Axel's mouth.

Each came quickly, spurred on by the expressions of the other, the moment silent, time seeming to grind to a halt as this orgasm ripped through Axel unlike anything he had experienced in his life. Above him, Roxas seemed caught in a similarly frozen moment, shuddering with the force of it.

An eternity passed before sound came back to the world, and they were both gasping, trembling, hanging onto one another as the waves came and went.

"What," Axel finally managed to gasp, "was that?"

Panting against him, shivering, Roxas suggested, "God sex?"

"It wasn't even sex," Axel groaned, pulling him in for a long kiss.

Releasing a long sigh after they parted, Roxas said, "We had better go clean up. Kairi won't be much longer."

"Yeah," Axel agreed, and kissed him again, Roxas squeezing him tightly.

"Yeah," Roxas repeated. He bit his lip as Axel massaged his thigh, but managed to drag himself from his glazed state, looking over his shoulder, grabbing his hand tugging. "Come on. This way." He plodded to the guest room, Axel's hand over his shoulder.

"Now, now we take these off, huh?" he asked clumsily, tugging at the waistband of Roxas's jeans, reaching under his hoodie to the bare flesh beneath and stroking his stomach.

Looking tempted, Roxas nonetheless pressed Axel gently back. "Not yet," he said, "but – soon. We need clothes. I'll go get some. Clean yourself up a bit, okay?"

He was gone, unzipped in a heartbeat and leaving Axel alone in the room. He sighed heavily. Well, shit. He wriggled out of his soiled bottoms, balling them up and looking for somewhere to put them, not particularly feeling like hanging onto them. In the end, he left them on the en suite floor, shivering a little as he wiped himself off with toilet paper and thought about how extremely unromantic this was. Roxas returned at that point, averting his gaze as he handed Axel a fresh set of clothes he had clearly found in his apartment. From the dresser, this time. He himself was back to fully-dressed in clean clothes, having apparently stopped by his apartment on the way.

"…Thanks," Axel mumbled, and for some reason shuffled to the bathroom to get changed. He wasn't sure why, exactly. Roxas had already seen him stark naked. But right now, for some reason, he was feeling… shy. Awkward. And Roxas, when he got back out, looked the same.

"Where did you put the dirty stuff?" he asked, and Axel jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Bathroom floor." Roxas went and grabbed it and zipped it out of there before Axel could even ask what he was doing with them.

From down the hall, he heard, "I'm back, guys!" Kairi. Then, startling Axel, he heard Roxas distantly talking with her. He had apparently already unzipped to somewhere else in the house. Leaving the guest room, heading down the hall in bare feet, he could hear their bright conversation come into clarity as he got close, the pair chattering happily about her trip into town. Roxas barely even glanced Axel's way.

Well. Okay, then.

Axel picked at his food, feeling a little hurt, and a little confused, until something bumped into him under the table. He ignored it the first time, but the second time – that was definitely a foot. That was Roxas's foot. It, also bare, had touched him. To show that he hadn't forgotten. That that had really happened.

Another time, he seemed to promise. And Axel was willing to wait.