Edward had been to medical school twice. He'd been involuntarily seeing into the minds of lustful couples for nearly a century. Carlisle honestly couldn't believe he had to explain this to his son.
"Edward we need to have a talk," spoke Carlisle the moment he finally caught his son alone in the house for the first time in over a month. The wedding was very near now. Someone had to explain matters to his son.
"I know about men and women and all of that. Do you have any idea how much of it goes on in this house?" protested Edward, embarrassed and dismissive trying to pre-emptively evade this personal, private discussion that he very much did not want to have.
"I think you know people's fantasies and you know the physical mechanics but these wedding plans you two have put together are," Carlisle was hard pressed not to call them stupid. "Idealistic and not based in reality."
"Pardon?" Edward indignantly sputtered.
"Yes please pardon me but have you ever actually been with a woman? Has Bella ever been with a man?" Carlisle was trying to be gentle about this but Edward sometimes got a little carried away in fairytale.
Edward shook his head no, feeling rather offended. Not that it was any of Carlisle's business.
"The spread of the contagion vampirism is through the transfer of venom into the bloodstream of a victim. Breaking the hymen of a virgin creates an infection path. All of your bodily fluids are venom based," spoke Carlisle deciding at last that the best way to go about this was to be clinical about it.
"All my bodily fluids?" Edward stuttered incredulous.
Carlisle nodded.
"So we probably can't, while she's human or she won't be anymore," Edward awkwardly mumbled.
'And you'd be all alone in the middle of nowhere with a newborn vampire and no one to help you,' Carlisle thought without giving voice to his thoughts.
"I need to talk to Bella again don't I?"
Carlisle nodded.
"What about, …protection," muttered Edward. He'd have been as read as a tomato if it were physically possible.
Carlisle opened a filing cabinet filled with handouts from the public health department programs he was sometimes roped into participating in. He tossed a box of condoms at Edward.
'10 bucks says you can't get a single one of those on without ripping it,' Carlisle silently thought. 'Heaven knows how many latex gloves I've destroyed over the years.'
"She wants, that is she knows she wants me now and she's worried that she'll miss something if she changes and feels, well feels different," Edward muttered.
Carlisle was silent for a while. "There is one other thing. Do you remember in Arizona when she was so very badly hurt?"
Edward nodded and waited.
"She screamed that her hand was on fire. With all that damage, she screamed that her hand was on fire," prompted Carlisle. "As a point of change I can't imagine that one of the most sensitive areas of a person's body would make a good starting point.
This is why engineers and other logic minded people like myself often get yelled at by romantics. Sorry, not sorry. I think I just killed Renesmee.