First

It all started when I stumbled over a list of prompts that were able to show me what the characters in my listed fandoms (and one from my backup account) were saying while the canon authors weren't listening. It seemed only right to share the results with all of you.

Keystone (Toy Story)

"In acting, Dolly, everything depends on interior sympathy. To play a pirate, for instance, outward mannerisms aren't enough; you must feel a pirate's feelings, think a pirate's thoughts, until a deep, rich 'Arr!' is burgeoning within you of its own accord. And the same applies to witches, you see?"

Garden (Sesame Street)

"My, what lovely violets you have here, Prairie Dawn. Would you care to buy a Little Wondro Machine™ to make sure they always get enough rain to stay nice and purple and healthy? Or at least rent one for the weekend?"

Nutmeg (Incredibles)

"Helen, I think you might want to get a spice chart for Dash if he's going to be helping you in the kitchen. I could be wrong, but I'm fairly certain this isn't oregano in this pizza sauce."

Bay (Calvin and Hobbes)

"Mom didn't say anything; she just stood there, arms akimbo, stony-faced, and I knew she had me trapped like a hunted animal. I told you that buckeye thing would get us in trouble, Hobbes."

Line (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

"Oh, no. Don't tell me Deanna polished off the end of the macaroons. Has she seen the queue for the replicators?"

Palmetto (Batman)

"It's no use, Mr. Hampton. I'll admit that your solicitude for those Eupatorium mornicolum biased me in your favor for a while, but leaving that poor Serenoa repens exposed to the Gotham winter? I'm sorry, but that sort of careless greenhousing just has to be punished."

Granite (My Little Pony)

"Diamonds? I wouldn't even waste talc on corduroy like that. If you want rocks on that dress, you'd best talk to Maud Pie about sewing on one of her geologic samples."

Dominion (Percy Jackson and the Olympians)

"So here I am, one of the mightiest of the children of Zeus, goddess of the moon, animals (and some birds, such as the ostrich), Mondays, childbirth, and, of course, the hunt. You'd think I could get a cake delivered for Thalia's birthday, wouldn't you?"

Empire (Star Wars)

"Well, you know how it is. When you live in a galaxy where at any moment Palpatine can just lay whatever he feels like under a total ban, you either starve to death or get resourceful real quick. And Chewy and I kind of like living."

Tar (Pirates of the Caribbean)

"Slather it on, lads, and look slippy. I want every inch of the Pearl as watertight as a plasterer beehive, or we'll all be feeding the coral eight hours from now."

Bluegrass (Babylon 5)

"Once in Brown Sector, Vir, I heard a human singing in a nasal, wailing style about a balm in some place called Gilead. Very unpleasant, I thought it at the time – but now I think I would trade all my privileges of rank for the chance to hear it again."

Volunteer (Series of Unfortunate Events)

"I shall always remember us as we were that day: side by side beneath a spreading green mountain ash, Villette in my hands and Quentin Durward in hers, and both of us effervescent with pride in having pledged ourselves to the unending war against fire and destruction."

Hoosier (Jurassic Park)

"I'm just saying, somebody had better find Ian a Polish translator soon, or he's liable to open his big chaos-theory presentation next week by offering to have sex with all of Warsaw's caribou."

Magnolia (Phineas and Ferb)

"Dear God, thank you for creating the earliest flowering plants 125 million years ago, because without flowering plants we would not have wheat and fruit trees, and without wheat and fruit trees we would not have flour and mango compote, and without those things we would not have Amma's special flapjacks on Saturday mornings. Amen."

Pine Tree (Cats)

"It was rather a charming tableau: Gus taking a nap in a piece of the Peer Gynt scenery, and Jellylorum prowling about its plywood trunk to keep the stagehands from molesting him. They really are quite a couple, those two."

Opportunity (Flash)

"A man can do great things with great speed. Think of Jimmy Doolittle, rocketing in and out of Tokyo before the Japs knew what hit them – and he was a snail compared to what I am now."

Wolverine (Jumanji)

"Beautiful, just beautiful. Between the lion, the rhinos, and this new beast the game's summoned down from Canada, surely all Alan's ingenuity won't save him from my latest trap. And then – kkk!"

Sunshine (Left Behind)

"What you must tell the Saudis, Peter, is that the miracle of Fatima, for instance, was indeed the work of Allah – not Allah as seen in the Koran, but Allah nonetheless. Alternative aspects, as it were – two different facets of the eternal enigma."

Star (Magic School Bus)

"Try to keep the bus's tail-pipe out of the gas cloud, Ms. Frizzle. We don't want to get exhaust in D.A.'s birthday present."

Hawkeye (Avengers)

"Avant le Sagittaire américain, Natashenka, je crus que tu serais rien à moi : une mémoire de faiblesse que j'avais totalement vaincue. Mais si Barton me voit avec raison, donc tu – la petite rousse aimante qui pleuras des chatons morts, rebutée par l'idée d'assassinat, comme innocente et molle qu'un têtard – es moi, n'est-ce pas?"

Badger (NCIS)

"Gibbs, I know this Hart lady is riding you something awful, but getting mad is only going to encourage her. Offer it up, that's what Sister Rosita would say."

Golden (Doctor Who)

"A Princeling of Ursae Majoris, Doctor, never stirs from his plantation without at least twenty aurosilicate synth-men to attend on him. How can you and Nyssa cram entourages for six of them into that silly little box?"

Gopher (Veggie-Tales)

"I dunno, sis. Ain't Pa ultra-touchy about this kind of thing ever since we left that other dead ground squirrel in his bed?"

Beaver (Chronicles of Narnia)

"Yes, most of our kind came out foursquare against the Witch when she arose. Can't say the same for some of our other kinfolk, unfortunately; I don't suppose there was a lemming in Narnia that didn't follow her unquestioningly."

Sunflower (Get Smart)

"Inside this packet, Max, are the only existing samples of a synthetic isotope KAOS will do anything to get its hands on. Keep them with you at all times – and, whatever you do, don't go forgetting that they aren't real seeds and trying to sprinkle them on your salad."

Mountain (Bible)

"Strange. I almost feel as though I shouldn't be digging wells here in Sychar, lest one day some of my descendants start worshipping they know not what up on Garizim there. But that's absurd, surely."

Silver (Justice League)

"Keep clear, J'onn; it's time for a little magic arson. Citylatac retrevnoc no S'gnilie yawateg kcurt, eb denil htiw citnegra etanimluf!"

Cornhusker (Cthulhu Mythos)

"You and I, Wilmarth, are the only men now alive who know the true secret of Tzinteotl – except poor Sterling in his cell in Colney Hatch, compulsively tearing the shucks off ears of maize."

Centennial (Fairy Tales)

"How queer to think that this is my hundredth year as a maiden of sixteen. –Or a damsel of sixteen, I should say; I shan't be a maiden very much longer, shall I, dear prince?"

Flickertail (Miraculous)

"Okay, at the risk of sounding extremely dumb: is Marc kidding, or does Ladybug actually have an alternate 'Glowworm' form that turns her buttocks into a strobe light?"

Coyote (Looney Tunes)

"Maybe I should just give up on this and find some big, clumsy pelican to chase instead. I'd be a lot happier, really, and… ooh, is that my new Acme shipment coming over the rise?"

Sky (Animorphs)

«It's the best of both worlds, really. My hawk form enables me to fly off and lose myself in this vast expanse of blue, and the thought of Rachel enables me to come back again.»

Evergreen (Monty Python)

"I voted for the Silly Party because I feel the time is past for a dour, melancholy M.P. I admire Mr Biscuitbarrel's willingness to shake things up – to challenge the status quo – to dance naked down Collingdon Street singing the love theme from A Star Is Born. That's the sort of fresh voice Luton needs in Westminster."

Gem (Silmarillion)

"Nay, Lady Vairë, the art with which you have adorned your husband's great limbo is estimable beyond compare. Yet such is the ardency of a maker's heart that I would trade all your weavings to behold even one of my lost Silmarils."

Equality (Flatland)

"Well, let's just use a bit of logic, hey? Enneagons have nine sides, of course, and our friend here is of perfect Regularity and precisely average Perimeter, so he'll require exactly ⅓″ worth of paint in each colour. Simple."

Enchantment (Harry Potter)

"Unless you've tried it, you have no idea how unpleasant a few hours of retching up slugs can be. It almost makes me sorry to have tried to inflict it on Malfoy. –Only almost, though."

Grand Canyon (Sandman)

"Interesting. Hitherto, if I just held out a shovel – or even a reasonably sharp hoe – Nixon and the others were sure to sooner or later dig graves for their souls a mile deep and as long as Costa Rica. Rickard, though, may require a more… direct approach."

Last

And so this rather jejune auctorial stunt comes to an end. Nothing remains but for me to disclaim any proprietary interest in any of the above universes, and then to bid you all aloha.