I'm back! Much sooner than expected probbably; sorry for the delay, like I said, my job has been BUSY lately. But now I'm back and I'm going to start posting chapters as I finish them, which means a bit more of an erratic posting schedule, but it also means we might get several chapters back to back with out easy it is for me to write them. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. For now, enjoy this one!

Chapter 9: Close the Door

The lamps begin to glow,
In my heart I know,
You're a lie that I've waited for
Tell them all to go
Tell them all no more
Tell them I close the door

She remembered the day she found out all too vividly. She already hadn't been feeling good, both from sickness and from disappointment over missing out on a chance to go to the islands, a chance to see Sora. But what Aqua had told her in the early hours of that awful morning had transformed her disappointment into the deepest kind of despair.

The news had spread across the worlds like wildfire. Within a few hours, everyone seemed to know of the royal family's gruesome fate. Everyone knew that the king, queen, and every last one of the royal children had died.

And when Kairi found out, it was as though she felt a piece of herself die right along with them.

She'd cried almost constantly in the weeks that followed. Aqua and even Naminé hadn't been able to console her. Nothing could. Even looking back at her fondest memories with Sora made her feel sick with grief. And the thought–the fact that she'd never see him again, that she'd never speak to him, never play with him, never be with him for the rest of her life? It made her feel like her heart had been torn straight out of her chest.

Maybe that was why no one was surprised when she started clinging onto the rumors the second the first one came in. Forbidden whispers from the islands had drifted through the Lanes Between, eventually making it all the way to Radiant Garden. Whispers that someone had survived the deadly siege that stole the royals' lives. Whispers that Sora, her Sora… was alive.

She'd been eight when she lost Sora, twelve when she first put out the call in the hopes of finding him again. Now… now she was sixteen. And she still didn't have a damn thing to show for any of it.

She made sure to remind herself of that every time one of these 'princes' came calling. She'd stopped counting the imposters a long time ago, stopped rushing to catch her first glimpse of them. In just a few short years, she'd gone from eagerly awaiting them, to dreading each and every one. An endless stream of fakes and frauds, boys who couldn't even begin to compare to the real thing.

Another one had just arrived, according to Aqua. He'd already been through Naminé's rigorous rounds of questioning, and likely bore at least enough of a passing resemblance for their lady-in-waiting to let him through. Even still, Kairi sneered at the thought of another one of those pathetic boys bowing before her, kissing her hand, and making a mockery of Sora's memory for their own selfish gain.

Every now and then, she found herself regretting posting the reward for his return. Five million munny would barely put a dent in her royal coffers, but to the masses of greedy crooks and cons out there, it was no doubt incredibly alluring. She'd seen that greed in the eyes of so many of the boys she'd met, boys who wanted riches, who wanted to marry her for power and prestige and nothing even remotely close to the love she longed for, the love she'd already had and lost so long ago. Sora, the real Sora, wouldn't have cared about any of that; instead, he'd cared about her, in a way none of these imposters could even pretend to replicate. No matter how much they might have lied through their teeth to convince her that they did.

She straightened her posture as she headed down the hall to the parlor, tuning out Naminé's rambling about this latest candidate "might be the one". As if she hadn't heard that a hundred times before. Aqua sent a worried frown her way when they stopped just short of the doors. She took in a breath to give her usual comforting, encouraging spiel, until Kairi put up a hand to stop her.

"Let's just get this over with," she said, sounding far more tired than any sixteen year old should.

The guards pulled the doors open as Aqua announced the pair of princesses to their guest. From just a first glance, Kairi knew another fraud was standing before her. His hair was a few shades too dark, clearly spiked with gel instead of the naturally sharp hair she'd known Sora to have. His eyes were the most telling–they weren't even blue! Instead, a set of hazel eyes greeted her, shining with the same shade of greed she'd seen in so many of the others. If she hadn't been raised to value her regal manners, she would have ordered him out of her sight right then and there.

"Princess Kairi," the boy bowed low, kissing her hand. "It's an honor to meet–I-I mean to see you again, your majesty."

"Mm… likewise," Kairi pulled her hand back, wiping it on her skirt. Sora would have never greeted her so formally. Instead, he would have barreled into her, hugging her tight and shouting excitedly right into her ear. Something that not a single one of these boys ever even attempted to do.

Sure enough, this meeting went on like they always did. The boy rattled off facts and figures about the royal family as if he were giving a lecture on them instead of professing to be one of them. He sang praises for the princess's "immaculate" beauty and "renowned" reputation, empty compliments that rang just as hollow as they always did whenever any of these boys used them to try and win her over. And of course, what imposter would be complete without an arsenal of completely fabricated stories from the summers she and Sora were known to spend together?

"Oh, yes, I remember it so well," the boy flashed a wide, charismatic grin. It took Kairi everything she had in her not to lose her lunch at the sight of it. "We would gather your sister and all of my siblings and each weekend, we would all-"

"We would have picnics by the shore," Kairi cut him off. She'd finally heard enough, more than enough really. If she had to listen to another word this brainless peacock said, she'd certainly go insane. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"

"Kairi," Aqua shot her a warning look. But it was far too late for even her to stop the storm that was brewing now.

"P-pardon me, princess?" the boy asked, confused as Kairi approached him.

"If you really were 'Sora'," she began, fixing him with a bitter glare. "Then you'd know more than just the basics any commoner on the street could have heard. For instance, what was our favorite snack to take whenever we snuck into the palace kitchen?"

"O-oh," the boy flushed, suddenly quite nervous. "Well, uh… I… can't seem to recall?"

Kairi's already sour expression darkened even more at this. "Exactly what kind of fool do you take me for?" she asked quietly, fiercely. "You and so many others like you who come to me and think it'll be so easy to scam a heartbroken princess out of her munny and her hand in marriage. But I've seen through their lies and I've seen straight through yours. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, trying to make a quick profit off of the name of someone who was far better than you could ever hope to be; you disgust me." Without warning, Kairi reached up and slapped the already gobsmacked boy straight across the face, unable to contain her anger any more than she already had. "I can't stomach the sight of you any longer. Leave. Now."

Before the boy could even try to say a word in his defense, Aqua quickly ushered him out of the room. The last thing Kairi heard before the door closed behind him was the boy's plaintiff, pathetic wailing. If nothing else, she could at least find a little humor in that. "Huh. It's been a while since I've made one of them cry," she smirked, crossing her arms.

"That's not something to be proud of," Aqua said sharply, turning back to her the second the boy was gone. "Kairi, these meetings cannot keep going like this."

"No, they can't," Kairi surprisingly agreed. "Because if I have to listen to one more of those idiots, I might just start throwing them in prison for fraud instead of letting them go freely."

Aqua shook her head, though before she could argue, Naminé softly spoke up. "I'm sorry, Kairi," she stood to join her near the window. "I thought… for sure this time, he was-"

"I know," Kairi sighed. If there was one person she couldn't stay mad at, it was her younger, far more trusting sister. "I appreciate everything you've done to help, Nami. I just… I'm so tired of this turning out the same way every time."

"Well… next time will be different, I promise," Naminé assured. "I'm going to think of really hard questions to root out any chance of a fake–you'll see!"

"Nami," Kairi looked away as she settled back into her seat. "I… I don't know if there should be a next-"

A knock at the parlor door cut her off. Aqua went to answer it, retrieving a handful of mail from the servant on the other side. "More letters," she frowned, thumbing through them on her way back over the princesses. "At least there's only four today."

"Four too many if you ask me," Kairi slouched, ignoring the critical look her nursemaid sent her for her poor posture.

Naminé took the first letter of the stack, opening it up and reading it aloud to save her already frustrated sister the trouble. "Your majesty, remember our happy summers by the sea back on the islands?"

"Oh, how original," Kairi deadpanned. "As if I haven't heard that one before."

Naminé bit her lip but continued the letter nonetheless. "Strange and bizarre events have brought me to Twilight Town. Bring me to Radiant Garden, and I will convince you I am Sora."

Kairi scoffed, aghast. "He wants me to pay his way here? I don't think so; especially not for any boy who starts off his letter with 'your majesty'. I was never 'your majesty' or 'princess' or 'milady'. I was always just myself to Sora, I was only ever Kairi! And not a single one of these boys knows me enough to know that; not the way he did…"

"Kairi," Aqua began, treading carefully, gently. "We've discussed this before, but… maybe it's time to start thinking about moving on from this."

The princess sighed again, turning to face the window to try and avoid this conversation entirely. Unfortunately, her nursemaid wasn't about to let up so easily this time. "The high council is getting impatient. You're only two years away from turning eighteen, from being crowned queen. For the stability of our kingdom, they want you to at least be engaged by then. I know this is difficult for you, but perhaps we should begin considering someone other than-"

"No!" Kairi swiftly stood, her hands in fists at her sides. "I've told them countless times already. Either I marry Sora or I don't marry at all–and that's final!"

The room fell silent, and in that silence, Kairi continued to simmer. She'd made a promise all those years ago, a promise she refused to break even now after so many things had changed. After the one she'd made that promise to seemed to vanish out of existence altogether. "I… I'm going for a walk in the gardens," she muttered, heading out before either Naminé or Aqua could stop her. She was grateful when neither of them tried to; she needed a moment alone to breathe, to think. And most of all–to mourn.

The castle gardens were as lush and colorful as they were quiet and calm. It was between the blooming rose bushes and pure flowing fountains that Kairi often came to find some semblance of solace when her royal duties took their toll on her. More often than not lately, she'd journey out here for a different reason entirely though; to get away from the endless barrage of imposters beating down her door on a nearly daily basis.

Today, however, she didn't quite find the peace she was seeking as she strolled between the flower beds. She plucked a lilly as she passed it by, tenderly skimming its pure white petals. As she stared down at the star-shaped flower, she couldn't help but be reminded of a certain charm she'd made as a child. That simple seashell charm had once meant so much, a secret, an invitation, a symbol of a friendship formed on a foundation of trust and love. She'd wondered more than once before if Sora had kept it when the islands fell, if it still survived to this day.

If he still survived to this day along with it.

Summer had just ended in Radiant Garden, something that Kairi could see clearly enough in the changing shades of the trees bordering the garden. Those bright sunny days seemed to drift by all too quickly for her now when they used to seem endless before. When she used to run down the sand with two hands entwined in hers, when she used to be able to laugh and smile and enjoy life in ways she could barely even remember now.

She closed her eyes, a smile teasing the corner of her lips as she let her mind drift back to that time. Every day had felt like a new adventure, every hour had been worth treasuring, and every second she and Sora had spent together seemed to shine so brightly. From sunny mornings spent building sandcastles to rainy afternoons spent chasing each other through the palace halls to starry evenings spent slowly falling asleep in each other's arms. Each memory had its own special place within her mind and inside of her heart. Memories that were the only thing she had left of him to hold onto anymore.

Kairi was no stranger to loss; her father had died just before she was born, and her mother had passed while giving birth to Naminé. She didn't remember much about either of them, and in some strange way, she was grateful for that. She'd found that the more memories she held onto, the harder it was to lose those tied to them.

That was something that certainly rang true when it came to not just Sora, but his siblings as well. Kairi had spent so much time with the other royal children, forming unique friendships with each and every one. She'd looked up to Ventus, tried to model her own leadership after the kind of wise steadiness she'd seen him show. She'd fondly watched Roxas form a close-knit bond with her younger sister, she'd seen just how happy the youngest prince had made Naminé in turn. She'd fawned over Xion, still just an infant, so sweet and small and innocent. Despite their rough first meeting, she'd even developed something of a playful rapport with Vanitas through the years. She'd cared for each of them so very much, she'd cherished the place each of them had in her life, she'd longed to spend those sweet summers alongside them.

And… in the end, she'd never even gotten to give any of them a proper goodbye.

There was someone else too, however, someone she'd never spoken of to another soul since the islands fell. She'd spent more than a few nights lying awake thinking about Riku, wondering if he had lived through the siege, wondering where he might be if he had and if she'd ever see him again. She doubted she ever would; the islands were a cage no one could get in or out of these days. But if she did, if she could see him one more time… she couldn't even begin to imagine what she'd say.

Twilight was approaching as servants took to the garden to begin lighting the lamps. Thankfully, respected their princess' privacy, allowing her to find solace in the silence surrounding her. She slowly grounded herself back into the present moment, thinking about the latest imposter and what a bitter disappointment he'd been. She'd seen worse, of course–boys who didn't even bear a passing semblance to Sora, who came and practically demanded her munny and her hand in marriage. And in turn, she'd sent each and every one of them packing like they deserved.

In front of anyone other than Aqua and Naminé, Kairi liked to pretend like it didn't bother her, as if each fake she turned away was little more than an aggravating, persistent chore. The truth, however, was that each and every one of those frauds was like a knife, twisting itself ever deeper into her already broken heart. Each one made her lose hope more and more, each one made her doubt her mission. Each one made her wonder the exact same thing over and over and over again:

Are you alive?

Are you still out there somewhere?

Will you ever find your way back to me?

He might, she'd forcefully remind herself. He might. She couldn't remember when she used to think he will.

Four years had gone by since her search had begun. Four years of hoping and waiting and believing with every fiber of her being that she'd see him again. Her council members criticized her for holding on to such baseless gossip, onto something far too good to be true. Her own people whispered about her in the streets, about their princess who stubbornly clung onto her childhood when she was on the cusp of becoming an adult. Even Aqua had encouraged her more than a few times to let it go and continue living her life the way Sora would have wanted her to.

The only problem for Kairi was… a life without Sora wasn't one she wanted to live.

Even still, as the shadows of the early evening fell upon her, she could almost imagine it. She could see the door opening before her, could see him walking in with that silly smile she loved so much spread wide across his face. As if they'd been doing nothing more than playing a hide-and-seek like they used to when they were little. As if they hadn't been torn cruelly apart for so many long and agonizing years.

He'd wrap his arms around her, pull her into the tightest of hugs, pepper her cheek with all of the kisses they'd been too young to share before. And then… then he'd pull out a paoupu fruit and make good on that promise they'd made when they were eight. Together, they would spark a vow that would last a lifetime, a vow that would tie their hearts together until they were finally old enough to forge another one before the altar. They'd have their happily ever after, just as princes and princesses were supposed to. At long, long last, their fairy tale would finally come true.

If only fairy tales were something she still believed in. If only happily ever afters were something that actually happened. If only she could keep on waiting for nothing more than a figment, a fabrication, a phantom. A lie.

She couldn't hold her tears back any longer. A sob slipped out as she tossed the lilly she'd been holding to the ground. She couldn't take it anymore; she couldn't take any of this anymore. She couldn't–she wouldn't torture herself like this for another day, another second. There was only one decision she could make, the hardest decision of her life, really. But for the sake of her kingdom, for the sake of herself… she knew what she had to do.

Kairi left the garden as night fully settled in. She wasted no time sending for her sister and her nursemaid, and when they arrived to her chambers, she relayed her announcement to them outright. An announcement that felt like it was crushing her from the inside out with every word she spoke of it.

"I will see no more boys claiming to be Sora," she held her head high, her posture regal and her voice commanding. She made a point of turning the photo she kept on her desk of the prince down, hiding his face from sight. "No more letters, no more interviews. I'm done."

As she anticipated, Naminé and Aqua were shocked. For a moment or two, they said nothing, unsure of what to say or what to think. In the end though, Naminé worked up the nerve to speak up first. "Kairi, you don't mean that-"

"I do," Kairi said sternly. "If he was going to show up, then he would have by now. And… well, he simply hasn't."

Naminé struggled to find the words she wanted to say, to convince her sister against such drastic measures, against losing all hope entirely. "But… but he still could-"

"He won't," Kairi argued. "And I can't keep fooling myself into thinking he will. My focus needs to be on this kingdom, on our people, on you, Nami, not on some silly fantasy. I'm not a child anymore; it's time I start acting like it."

For her part, Aqua seemed much more ready to accept her princess' orders. Largely since she agreed with them. "I'm proud of you, your majesty," she smiled softly, sincerely. "You've struggled with this for so long. It's good to see you finally starting to heal."

If only this actually was healing… Kairi thought dismally. Because in reality, it was the exact opposite. Acceptance hadn't brought her to this decision; denial had, anger had, avoidance had. She knew all too well that the choice to cut these imposters, to cut Sora out of her life altogether wouldn't make her feel better. It would only make her feel so much worse.

"Of course," Aqua continued. "There will be other young men who come calling. What should we tell them?"

The princess thought for a moment as she turned to face the wide window behind her. The glow of the emerging moon reflected in the first tear that began slowly streaming down her cheek. "Tell them they're too late," she said, the finality of it all weighing heavy on her heart. She stepped forward, slowly drawing the window's shutters closed to block out the sky. To block out everything she'd been drowning in for the past eight years straight: the pain, the grief, the rage, the longing, the love. To block every trace of what she'd lost, every trace of him out of her heart… once and for all.

"Tell them… I've closed the door."

Next time, the gang finally makes it to Radiant Garden! Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the REVIEWS please! Until next time!