Title: Inside Out
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 15.2k
Summary: Santana's back from Indiana for Senior year. She lived here five years ago, but there's something different about the place.
Warning: G!P
Notes: Not many chapters left! Probably about 3 or 4! Thank you for your reviews, keep them coming :)
/
Santana braces her hands out on the basin, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
It's only two days until the news of their relationship is out. It's a matter of hours really, and she knows she needs to keep her calm but seeing Sam drape himself all over Brittany and her not being able to reject him – or even slap him – as Dani's clinging on to her and watching every move, is just getting to Santana. She knew this weekend wasn't going to be easy, but she treated it like everything else she does in her life and blissfully ignored it and now she wishes she had prepared a little more because she's pissed.
She's made a point not to drink, despite Puck trying to hand her a beer every two fucking seconds, but Quinn got him to stop with one of her sharp glares after the fifth time and Santana knows she needs to be sober for this. She's been through way too many things under the influence and reacted badly or made poor decisions, and her relationship with Brittany isn't something she wants to risk by doing that.
But as she stares at herself in the mirror, she begins to wonder if maybe it'll take the edge off.
She doesn't get to linger on it for too long before the bathroom door is swinging open and Dani's stepping inside, not seeming remotely bothered or surprised that Santana's in there. But in response, it just freaks Santana the fuck out. They haven't been alone in a while, and her heart begins picking up its pace inside her chest as she waits for someone to walk in behind the other girl, staring through the reflection with wide eyes but nope… Dani's alone.
Out of all the times she decides to leave Brittany's side, or actually approach Santana, it's right fucking now and now they're in a room together for the first time since they broke up.
Great. Shit like this always goes well.
"Oh, Santana," Dani states, even though Santana can already tell this isn't just a coincidence as this girl hasn't been away from her the devil twins or Brittany for more than 2 minutes since they got here, and she was watching her as she got up to pee.
Still, she pushes off the basin and spins, arms folding. "Hi," she says, taking a step to the side to allow the girl to move past her but she doesn't.
Instead, Dani cocks her head to the side, her eyes no longer burnt into a glare like it has been half the fucking day and it's the first time since they split that the girl doesn't look like she wants to take Santana's head off. At least that's something. Although the way they're softening and how the silence is getting eerier (which is making Santana more and more uncomfortable with every passing second) is probably not a good thing.
"How have you been?"
Santana freezes, the question making suspicion flood through her. She didn't come in here for a conversation, but there's a voice in the back of her head telling her this is okay and probably the right thing to do. Brittany's fucking flirting with Sam and she has to be okay with that, so talking to Dani is fine as well. It'll only help them with the whole cover up of their relationship thing and it's not like she can just leave without causing suspicion.
"Good," she keeps the answer brief and sucks her lips into her mouth. "What about you?"
"I've been okay," Dani gets out, even though it doesn't sound convincing. Santana knows otherwise, too; she's seen the tear-stained cheeks and heard through various people how her ex has been struggling but she bites her tongue. That's not something she wants to talk about, mostly because of how opposite her reaction has been and that makes her feel bad. "Haven't seen you around much."
Probably because they broke up.
"Just been keeping my head down," she answers and lifts a shoulder, managing a half-smile.
Silence sets in, and Santana just stares at her ex, trying to find a conversation to pluck out the air or a quick exit but there's nothing. There's just awkwardness and knowing that watching Sam flirt with Brittany is less painful than enduring this, she clears her throat and turns the half-smile into a forced whole one as she moves around the other girl and reaches for the door, but as she pulls it open, she hears the sound of Dani's voice call her name and turns around.
"Santana?" The other girl sucks in her bottom lip and steps closer, making Santana lean back in response. They're already way too close and there's a fair distance between them, so she plans to keep it that way. "You and Puck are friends now, right?"
It's totally not what she was expecting, but it's a considerably better question than she thought would be fired her way, so she answers. "Sort of," she waits but when nothing follows, she just keeps talking. "Hard not to be seeing as he's dating Quinn."
"Yeah, that's still weird to me," Dani replies with slight laughter in her tone and the awkwardness slowly begins slipping away.
Once upon a time, they could've been friends and Santana knows the girl didn't do anything wrong, so maybe one day they could get back to that, but she's still annoyed for several reasons; the main one being that Dani was the one who told Rick that Brittany might be up at Lima Point. Sure, it didn't end up exposing them, nor was it with intention as she has no clue about their coveted relationship, but it was a fucking close call and even if Dani doesn't know what damage she's done, she's done it.
"I am asking for a reason," Dani continues, stepping forward and Santana grips the handle of the door tighter. "Seeing as you're friends with Puck, I was wondering if you could find something out for me."
Everything inside of Santana stills. If the girl asks her to ask Puck if he wants to hook up, she might have to throw hands as hell no she wouldn't do that to Quinn, but she doesn't want to jump the gun as this could be a different type of dangerous, so she just swallows and nods. Plus, she's a little curious to see what Dani could want her to find out and how Puck comes into this.
"What's that?"
Something hard returns to the brown eyes staring back at her, and she can't help but feel it crawl over her skin, something tight wrapping around her chest because she's seen that look before… A lot.
She's seen it when Dani first walked in on Santana and Brittany in the bathroom of that house party, when they tried to lie their way out of why they were in there. She's seen it when Dani turned up at her door and Brittany was cooking bacon and eggs and made a noise that somehow passed Dani's curiosity. She's seen it too many fucking times for it to be mistaken, so it's not shocking that cold fear pulses through her because Dani's on the trail of something and fully knows it, allowing Santana to see it and fuck.
This isn't good.
"Sam asked me if Puck would be pissed if he made a move on Brittany," Dani states and Santana swears her heart jumps up into her throat. Yup. Not good. "Because of boy code or something," she waves off but Santana just stares, anger flaring through her that she can't show, but she doesn't know what to say. "So I was wondering if you could find out for me how he might feel about it."
FUCK.
That's so not what she wanted to hear.
Firstly, the boy code is hitting way too close to home as her and Brittany are definitely going against girl code – Brittany and Dani are supposed to be best friends, after all and Santana is now an ex – and something inside of her stirs uncomfortably. But secondly because she now feels like this is a calculated conversation, one that's had a lot of thought put into it and that makes the unease treble as it feels like it did on prom night.
Like it's her and Brittany against the world.
And now she's thinking about the things that have happened today, like Sam singing at Brittany and fucking smirking at Dani, and how she's been keeping her distance from her girlfriend which apparently didn't matter as Dani's now cornered her in the fucking bathroom regardless, and maybe she should've been more talkative. Maybe she shouldn't have been so quiet or distant as it's given out the vibe that it's cool for her ex-girlfriend to talk to her and mention the reason why Santana walked off in the fucking first place when she can't use that as a quick exit.
It's also bothering her that Brittany wasn't the one to follow, instead letting Dani do it as now she's being put in a position she doesn't want to be in. One where she has to either say yes to seeming like she's setting something up with some douchebag jock and her damn girlfriend or explain why it's a hard no and that just seems too revealing.
But she's got to say something. She's been silent for way too long, so she just blurts out the only thing that comes to mind that isn't too distant or too pressing. She doesn't want to show much too much interest, but Quinn had a point; her and Brittany are chatty at school and haven't been whilst being at the lake, and she can't show that any more than she has. She doesn't think she's hiding her reactions too well as Dani's eyes keep trailing around her face.
"Why don't you just ask Brittany if she wants that?" She tries with a shrug, even though the words hurt to say. Shrugs are totally chill, right? "If it is, then she can go for it herself," she clears her throat when Dani's eyes narrow. "It's not like she'd have a hard time getting with him, he's obviously interested and she's cool," her voices wavers at the description – cool is a severe understatement – but to distract, she averts her gaze to the door as if to gesture to the scene she left out there where the two blondes were getting along.
"I did ask Brittany," Dani replies, her voice annoyingly high pitched like she's happy informing Santana of that.
Great. She didn't know that – which she could've done had she fucking talked to Brittany more than once – but she can't even fucking react to this information or the one she's cursing herself over inside her head. So she just bites on her tongue instead, watching as the other girl takes a step forward, head cocking to the side.
"She said that Puck might get mad as they were together for so long and Sam's apparently his best friend."
Double ouch.
Now she's pissed off for more than one reason, her tongue hurts from biting it so fucking hard, and she's seething that she can't show any type of emotion towards the flurry of information coming her way. First off, Brittany didn't even think to tell her best friend that she's not interested in Sam – which probably could've worked better than the Puck excuse – but secondly, Sam and Puck are best friends? Since fucking when? That's now reinforcing her fears before when Puck insisted the guy was good and he was an asshole once upon a time, so maybe he's scheming against Santana like everyone else seems to be?
Not that there's any other signs of that, but considering she's been hit with the same bat twice now – once still needing confirmation but the suspicions are strong – she's going to hedge her bets here. Puck has been running practise with Sam apparently, he could be feeding information back, he never has a bad word to say about him and now Santana's getting all hot and stuffy and double guessing everyone around her.
It just really feels like everyone's out to make sure her and Brittany's relationship doesn't work. Rick, Dani, Sam, Kitty… Even a few other people she can't think of right now seem to want to put their two pence in every second and fuck things up between them, and Santana's not one to back down, but it's really beginning to feel like she's fighting a losing battle.
But she needs to focus and not panic as that's probably why Dani cornered her in the first place to see if she could pick up on anything and Santana won't allow that.
Okay, yeah, Brittany didn't tell her best friend that she wasn't interested, even though that would've been way more effective than pretending like it'd bother Puck as he's obvious into Quinn and a far way away from breaking boy code as their thing is long gone, but Santana knows, in the rational part of her mind, that it's not like the blonde could tell the truth. Maybe she panicked and didn't know what to say, just like Santana's doing right now, so just said the first thing that came to mind and that was it.
Which also makes the situation a lot stickier as now Dani's trying to figure out how to convince Puck it's okay – when it fucking isn't – but Santana can deal with that later. Right now, she just wants to get out of here and away from her ex in a compromising position – they've been alone in the bathroom for at least five minutes now and that probably doesn't come across well – and at least see Brittany to remind herself of everything she's fighting for whilst she comes up with some answers.
Losing battle or not, she won't give Brittany up, and if that means going along with this current bullshit, she'll do it.
(She feels like Dani's more poking around to find cracks in the lies than actually trying to help two people get together.)
(But that's just another suspicion.)
"Well, guess you got your answer then," she finally responds, pressing her lips together. "Britt's gonna know more than anyone how Puck would react and if she's saying that, maybe it's for good reason."
Not even taking a breath, she pulls the handle and feels the cool breeze flow across her skin, but something really is out to get here – or maybe Dani's seeing through her bullshit façade and responses – and her hand shoots out, fingers wrapping around Santana's wrist. It makes her want to flinch away, to retract her hand or even pretend like she isn't being anchored to her spot and keep walking, but she knows she can't and owes Dani that at this brief conversation at least.
So she turns, resisting the urge to pull her hand back and waits with eyes darting to where they're touching, until the grip slips from around her wrist as Dani takes a step back.
Good. At least she's getting that there needs to be distance between them.
"I just think that you could explain to Puck that he's got Quinn," Dani shrugs and she's really trying, her eyes are almost pleading and Santana bites down on her tongue, catching her cheek in the process and wincing at the shot of pain. That used to work on her, but she's bulletproof now. "Sam is really into Brittany… He talks about her a lot and so I thought I'd be able to find out how Puck feels about it, through you," the girl continues and lingers on the words, but Santana can't take this.
She doesn't want to hear if Sam's fronting that he knows; it's only going to fuel her fire more. He fucking saw her and Brittany up at Lima Point, yet he's still got a thing for her and deems it appropriate to ask Dani to worm her way in? How dumb is he to not instantly know that the back windows were steamed for a reason? Maybe his lips are bigger than his fucking brain.
But before she can continue ridiculing that asshole in her mind, she looks back to Dani and sees her eyes narrowed, tongue pressed to the back of her teeth like she's figuring something out and hot panic shoots through Santana all over again, but she doesn't even have time to voice her (fake) opinion before Dani's stepping back up to her, arms folded and a small smirk on her face.
"I think they'd be cute," she comments with a light shrug, her eyes flitting out the open door and Santana doesn't need to lean around it to see who or what she's looking at. "Don't you?"
The breath catches in her throat, and she hates how swiftly the other girl went from seeming like she genuinely wanted to help her best friend hook up with some guy, to looking like she only wants to make sure that happens to figure other shit out. Other shit that Santana's really trying to conceal, but it feels like it's all too much. All she's done is fight tooth and nail for her and Brittany's relationship just to have to deal with crap like this, and the only thing keeping her from just blurting out the truth is that firstly, Dani doesn't deserve to hear it that way, and secondly, it's two days away.
Two freaking days.
But it's pissing her off that Dani's still trying stuff like this. It's pissing her off that Sam isn't putting two and two together to get four, and it's pissing her off that she's got to spend another 48 hours continuing this fucking façade when all everyone is trying to do is make her break.
So she pushes back a little. "Why don't you talk to Puck yourself? Wasn't he out there with the others?" She asks, eyes flitting to find Quinn right beside her, and Santana knows her best friend holds a fearsome reputation for a reason. No way in hell Dani would be able to get past her with that shit. "You could've talked of asking me."
Dani jerks her head back, almost like she's surprised Santana didn't just walk off then and there or worse, blurt out the thing balancing on the tip of her tongue, but the pushing seems to have worked. It wasn't planned, and she smirks when she realises that the only method she hasn't tried is biting back. If people keep pestering her and she keeps walking away, the silence speaks volumes but she's a bitch and can use that here.
"We aren't friends," the cheerleader gets out, getting back on track and blinking a few times as the cogs turn inside her mind. "He might not be honest if I asked him," she continues and well, touché but Santana knows that's not the truth. Dani's trying to fuck with her, but the girl has nothing on her or Brittany and that's why she's doing shit like this. She's just poking to see if the bear will bite.
And it does.
"Sure it's nothing to do with asking him in front of Quinn if he's bothered about his ex-girlfriend dating his best friend?"
Again, Dani seems stunned, and her mouth drops open, but the hardness returns swiftly back to her eyes, and she cocks her head to the side. "No, it's not," she grits out and holds Santana's eyes strongly. She isn't backing down. "I don't care what Tutor Bitch thinks," she adds on, and Santana has to bite down on her tongue for like the tenth time because she won't let this girl win. "But you seem to be concerned about who Brittany dates nowadays which is why I came to ask you," she pushes, and fear strikes Santana hard. Fuck. "Maybe you know something I don't," her brow shoots up and she slowly folds her arms over her chest, but her gaze drifts back to the propped open door and towards the firepit, and unable to resist, Santana does the same…
…To find Brittany getting to her feet and dancing around, clapping her hands in time to the strumming of the guitar.
Double fuck.
"All I know is that they sure seem to be friendly," Dani continues, her voice softer than it was before, but it's cunning and it's making Santana breath harder and harder as she gazes at her literal nightmare in front of her. The combination is making fear and anger clash inside of her, creating a whirlwind of emotion and the worst part is, is that she can't even fucking show it.
She's fucking thankful she's still holding onto the door though, as her knees buckle when Sam and Brittany grin at each other as he changes the song, and that's when she drops her gaze to the floor and feels the other girl take a step outside, but pausing and waiting until eyes are on her again.
"It's not like Brittany's dating anyone else," Dani comments, pausing and Santana already knows what's coming. "Is it?"
The way her jaw clenches immediately begins aching at her teeth, but Santana holds strong and puts her all into staring at the floor and not at the sight by the firepit, or the intense glare she knows is coming from above. It's taking everything she has inside of her to keep the secret within, even though this really is fucking testing her, but she knows she hasn't been an angel and maybe this is her karma.
Maybe this is some fucking payback from an invisible force that exists in the universe and yeah, she knows she's been a bitch but what the fuck? She didn't kill anybody. Just fell for someone she wasn't supposed to but that's so cliché it's hard to believe it deserves this kind of karmic retribution in return.
So she just has to put up with it.
"Not that I know of," she gets out, voice hoarse and puts all focus into seeming as normal as possible as she meets dark, burning eyes once more. They're back to normal, too. "I'll talk to Puckerman."
Dani smirks in a way that shoots blood down Santana's left hand, because it's a knowing look like the girl knows she's winning, and Santana can't do a damn thing about it. "Sweet," she quirks and does a little hop in her spot, shoulders pinching together, a wink flashing Santana's direction. "See you back at the pit."
Santana just watches her leave.
/
When she gets back to the firepit, everyone is still freaking singing.
Somehow, it hasn't enticed Rachel into joining, or Quinn – who occasionally indulges herself in a performance or two – and Santana heads back in the camping chair between them, figuring out the only reason they didn't go is because they saw her walk off, and who followed. But she doesn't really want to talk about it right now, as it's still burning flames inside her chest brighter than the one before her eyes, and it really isn't helping that Sam's now trying to get Brittany to do the chords on his guitar as he strums like they're super cute and compatible.
It's fucking annoying. Can't Brittany just tone that the fuck down? She has to know what it's doing to Santana.
Anyway, she grabs a beer and flicks open the can, taking a large gulp and wincing as the bubbles tickle her throat. It's her first proper drink, and she sees Puck raise his eyebrows after she's downed half the beer with the first sip out the corner of her eye, at the same time Rachel leans forward and sets a hand over the back of her can when it falls away from her mouth.
"Santana," Rachel says lowly, eyes flitting across the firepit to the Cheerios gathered together, all gigging as Sam serenades them. "Did Dani follow–"
"Yup," Santana cuts off, jaw clenched and Rachel's lips pop open, shock crossing her face but concern edging in there, too as she looks to Quinn and Puck. "But I don't wanna talk about it," she continues, fully knowing if she breaks now, she'll ruin everything. There's no way she's going to let Dani win as that conversation was clearly intended to piss her off and well, it's working.
"Shit," Puck grunts beneath his breath and blows out his cheeks, inhaling deeply as he turns his attention back to the fire.
"Yeah," she chokes out and takes another long swig of her beer. She doesn't actually like the stuff, but she needs it right now, especially as she remembers something Dani asked her to do, and she shifts forward, craning her neck to bring Puck's eyes back to her. "So much for your good guy theory, by the way," she snipes and Quinn jerks her head back, brows furrowed as she glances between her best friend and boyfriend.
Puck just stares at her blankly. He's super dumb sometimes. "What?"
"Your best friend," she hisses and lets her gaze fall to Sam, across the circle, now bumping hips with Dani and God, Santana hates how much everyone likes the guy. Why can no-one else see what she can? "Suggested I find out how you'd feel about him making a move on Brittany," she explains and Puck's face twists, almost like he's feeling bad but he blinks and shakes out of it.
"But didn't he see you at up Lima Point?"
She narrows her eyes and scoffs. "Yeah, dumbass," she replies, and Quinn sucks her lips into her mouth, clearly feeling uncomfortable for literally being in the middle of this, but Santana doesn't care. This is about her and Puck. "Doesn't exactly seem to be putting him off though," her eyes dart back over to the blonde guy again. "So again… Great theory you've got there."
Anger flares through her as she leans back into her spot, finishing off the can before crumpling it in her hands, making a loud sound. Several pairs of eyes flit over to her, including Brittany's but this time, it doesn't calm Santana down, even when the smile on the blondes face breaks and she notices the tension lingering. They're on the other side of the firepit, so it's not like Brittany can feel it but she can probably see all of their faces and no-one's smiling.
Instead, no-one knows what to say.
Well, at least for a couple of minutes, but naturally Rachel has to speak because she never learns. "Maybe he's just trying to help–"
"Shut up, Rachel. For once, just shut the fuck up," Quinn snaps and it's the first thing she's said since Santana came back down, but hazel eyes still flit over to meet dark ones. "It doesn't mean anything, San… It's not like Brittany's interested in the guy."
That should make Santana feel better, but it doesn't. Sure, Brittany's reassured her that she's 18 and is control of her own life, regardless of disapproving parents or scheming asshole best friends or even fish-lipped idiots, but how can a relationship work if everyone's constantly trying to make sure it doesn't? How is this ever going to get easier, even when the status is out in the public, as it'll only open up more doors for people to judge and intervene, but with actual evidence this time.
It just seems never-ending, and all the happiness that Santana felt earlier has just disappeared, especially when she sees Dani pull Sam down by the shoulder, whisper something in his ear and his eyes dart straight over to Brittany, a grin growing across his face. Apparently no matter what he almost walks in on, or might kind of know about, it just isn't swaying him and he bobs his head dumbly before twirling with his guitar over to Brittany, and grabbing her hand to make sure she plays the chords this time, as she managed to get out of it before.
And Santana fucking hates him. She fucking hates all of this shit, and it's so much worse now because she's pretty much got confirmation that it literally her and Brittany against the world – bar Rachel, Quinn, Puck and her dad who are all supportive – and she just can't see a way out of this. When will it ever end?
She doesn't know, but the one thing she does know is that Sam isn't a good guy, Dani has strong suspicions, Rick hates her guts and should anything come out, the Cheer bitches will no doubt stick their oar in and she just can't take it. Making their relationship public just seems pointless now, as it might make things worse and all the emotion and disappointment builds up inside her chest until she's forcing her eyes shut so the tears don't come out.
So she needs to get out of here. She just needs a freaking cigarette – even though she's only smoked like, twice before – and go for a walk.
"Puck," Santana states, earning the attention of her friends but she doesn't meet any of their stares. "You got any smokes on you?"
Puck frowns but reaches into his letterman jacket pocket and fishes out a pack of cigarettes, handing it over to her with a lighter. "Sure, want me to come with?"
Clenching her jaw, she shakes her head. "Nah, I'm good. Just wanna be alone," she replies and offers him a barely there smile before climbing to her feet, grabbing a new can of beer out the cool box and heads off into the woods, ignoring the many eyes that watch her as she goes.
/
The first cigarette doesn't do the trick, mostly because Santana chokes her way through the first half, so she decides to find a quiet spot next to the lake, far away from the group to gather her thoughts and smoke a few more.
She sits down on the bank, arms resting over her knees and takes in slow drags, watching the smoke disappear into the night air as she stares at the sky. This was supposed to make her feel better, being left alone with her thoughts but now she's anxious about having to explain why she just up and left with a pack of smokes and a new can of beer in a way that won't immediately draw suspicion.
But she's kind of hoping after this drink, she won't be too concerned about that.
So she takes her time, smoking one cigarette after the other until half the pack is gone, and there's a low buzz in her ears as she watches the moonlight bounce off the lake. It's peaceful, and serene, even if she can hear the dulled music booming from across the lake, from where she's supposed to be, but she's good.
Well, up until the sound of a twig snapping from behind her makes her heart jump into her throat, and choke on the smoke she's taking in.
Breathless, she pounds at her chest for a few seconds, tipping back some of her beer and braces herself as she knew someone would follow her or at least try to find her as she's been gone for half an hour now. But when she takes a deep breath and peers over her shoulder, she's entirely thrown off as it's no-one she was expecting. It's not Quinn, or Rachel, or even Puck…
It's fucking Dani.
Why does she keep following her?
"Dani?" She asks, squinting through the darkness as the girl steps out into the light, head cocked to the side and concern in her eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Dani throws back, avoiding answering Santana's question, but she just glares. Now there's alcohol and nicotine in her veins, she's feeling more confident and therefore, more aggressive.
"Why did you follow me?"
Dani clenches her jaw and comes closer, but still stays a safe distance away. "Why did you walk off?"
It's like a freaking game, answering a question with a question and Santana so does not have the time or energy for this. She knows that being a teenager and all this drama is bound to bring about something dumb like that, but she didn't exactly enjoy their first conversation, and she doesn't think this one is going to go any differently, so she's pissed.
(She's also pissed that Brittany hasn't bothered to follow her once this evening, but she knows she can't be publicly mad about that.)
However, she knows she's going to have to be the one to put a stop to this pathetic questioning and instead, answers the last one asked. "I needed some air," she tries and sucks her lips into her mouth.
Dani doesn't buy it though, just narrows her eyes until they're almost slits. "We're camping at the lake, Santana," she responds and Santana's eyes flash to her. Shit. "We've all been outside for the past 6 hours, so I think you're getting enough 'air'."
It's a good point, and Santana really should've considered her ex following her, so she didn't fuck up like she just did, but she needs to find a way out of this. She did walk off, only moments after Dani cornered her in the bathroom so it's not like she can pretend it wasn't because of that. She could try and lie, saying that Puck said something to piss her off, but considering the topic of her and Dani's conversation, and the fact that even Santana confirmed her and Puck were friends, it seems weak.
So, she goes with something that's not actually entirely untrue. "It's just weird being here," she says and Dani blinks, face dropping like she wasn't expecting the honesty or the softness of Santana's voice.
She's not lying though. It is weird being here, pretending like she isn't dating someone and having to bite her tongue whilst watching some 18 year old horn dog drool over her freaking girlfriend and attempt to seduce her by serenading her with a guitar. Most girls would fall at his feet for a move like that, and that's why Santana's so fucking irritated because he actually is kind of a good fit for Brittany in some ways, even if she can do a thousand times better.
The last thing Santana needs is to start seeing where Rick Pierce is coming from. That'll be her major downfall.
"Everything's just… weird," she repeats with a shrug.
The hostility has drained from Dani by the time Santana looks back up, and she waits a few moments, flicking the ash from her cigarette and taking in another drag. It burns her lungs, but in a good way and the cheerleader eyes the white stick in her hand, studying it for a long second before she moves and takes a seat next to Santana, holding two fingers up like she's asking for some.
They've never smoked together, and they're not friends, but Santana feels bad for the girl as she never really did anything wrong – despite a few occurrences that weren't exactly approved of – and so she just sighs and hands over the cigarette, watching as Dani inhales without an issue. It's probably not a wise move, but remembering what Rachel and Quinn were saying about Brittany and how if she avoided social situations, it'd be more revealing, she decides that this isn't too bad.
If she can talk to Dani, it might lessen the suspicion and maybe she can actually get through this weekend without having a nervous breakdown or the truth getting out.
"Didn't know you smoked," she says, plucking a conversation out the air and Dani's eyes shift to her, a sadness in the smile she gives.
"My mom does, so I've tried a couple times," she replies, and Santana nods her head, not really knowing what to say but heavily registering the shift in the air. They may have dated, but it turns out she didn't know Dani as well as she thought. As much as that should reaffirm that her and Brittany's connection is stronger as she already knows so much about her she could write an autobiography, all it does it remind her that she shouldn't have even dated Dani in the first place.
Apparently, she isn't the only one to feel it, because Dani waits a long moment, and another drag, before she hands the cigarette back over and Santana carefully plucks it from her fingers without touching her. "Do you ever wish it was different?" She asks.
And because Santana's so up in her thoughts, all she can do is agree, thinking about how she should've known from the start that her connection with Dani wasn't the one she should've been chasing. From the bleachers incident with Brittany, to the poor almost death of an innocent cat, to the Taco Bell up at Lima Point… It's always been clear which path she should've been on.
So, yeah, she does. "All the time," she breathes, not realising how heavy her words are until Dani's head whips around.
There isn't time to reply, or to figure out why Dani's now looking at her like that – like she's shocked but not in a bad way – before the reason is given without asking and Santana doesn't even get to take a breath as hands come to her cheeks and she's being pulled forward into a kiss. Shock sets in, cold flushing through her as she registers warm lips on hers, and they stay there for about three seconds before there's a sound of a twig snapping around them and it breaks them apart.
Well, that's what Santana makes it look like. She was a second away from pushing Dani off her and maybe even slapping her for that move, but the noise beat her to it.
"Oh," Santana hears and opens her eyes to scowl at her ex, but the attention isn't being returned and panic sets in when she realises that it wasn't Dani snapping the twig, it was someone else who has just walked in on Dani kissing her.
Someone else that happens to be, "Brittany," Dani continues and leans away, hands dropping from Santana's face as she scoots back an inch or two and turns, eying the blonde with a guilty smile on her face. "We were just…" Dark eyes flit to Santana. "We were talking," she settles on and tries a smile. "Everything okay?"
Brittany's stood a couple feet away, wearing the faded Pierce sweater that her dad gave her and Santana gulps thickly as hard, blue eyes dart between her and Dani, taking in the setting they're in for a long moment. It's by the lake, with the moonlight shining over them and it only takes a couple seconds for Santana to realise what it looks like, and with the combination of what she probably just saw, it isn't fucking good.
FUCK.
That's double confirmed when Brittany folds her arms over her chest, tightening her jaw and flaring her nostrils slightly as she forces a smile to her face. "Yeah," she gets out, taking a step forward but blue eyes focus on Dani. "Saw you walk off, so I came to find you," she says to her best friend, eyes momentarily flitting to Santana but not staying.
She thinks Brittany might have come to find her instead, and well, she did.
Still speechless though, Santana just shakes her head, trying not to show the panic surging through chest and how it's making blood rush to her cheeks as she resists the urge to blurt out that Dani made the move and she didn't invite it. She should say freaking something – she knows that – but there's nothing inside her head, she's coming up blank, and the panic is still very much there.
It's making her body go hot and cold, and she doesn't know how she got into this fucking situation in the first place as she was just trying to get some alone time that Dani interrupted and then she was trying to make the best of a bad situation, but apparently she's done the wrong thing.
Again.
Can't she catch a fucking break?
"I wanted to make sure Santana was okay," Dani replies and Santana gulps, feeling her chest rising and falling heavier now. She doesn't know what to fucking say, but she still forces out whatever she can.
"I wanted to be alone," she tries, and Brittany looks at her for approximately one whole second before looking away, a hardness in her eyes that isn't usually there when they look at each other. She doesn't believe her.
"Looks like it," the blonde grits beneath her breath, and the first reaction Santana has is to scoff because really? Brittany's one to fucking talk after the shit she's been pulling with Sam, but she knows she can't say that. She can't say anything she fucking wants to in this moment because of these damn rules, of this secret they have and it's eating her alive.
To the point where she can't even explain to her freaking girlfriend why her ex just kissed her.
But the second reaction kicks in harder, as shutting the fuck up and dealing with the consequences later is the right thing to do here, but it doesn't mean she wants this. She didn't want Dani to follow her freaking twice and kiss her the second time. She didn't want Brittany walking in on it as now she has to clear that up, but most of all, she didn't want to have to come up with bullshit again because it's exhausting.
Having to hide everything she feels, resist everything she wants to do, is fucking tiring and she keeps telling herself that it's a matter of days before it all comes out, but really, what is that going to do? That's not going to make it easier, because this is the shit they're getting based off suspicion, let alone cold hard facts, and Santana hates that she has to bite her tongue as silence drags between them, because she should be telling Brittany that Dani's probably just doing this out of spite, probably knew Brittany would follow her as it's the second time they've disappeared together, but she can't.
When will this ever get easier?
"Well, now I know you're okay," Brittany starts and takes in a deep breath, punctuating her sentence but she clenches her jaw and Santana does the same as she forces another barely there smile to her best friend. "I'm gonna get back to the others," she continues and swallows thickly, and Santana's hand twitches with the urge to reach out and stop her, but again… She can't. "Looks like you two have got it covered here," blue eyes shift to Santana.
Dani clears her throat, and Santana blinks rapidly, looking away to the burnt out cigarette now in her hand, keeping everything she wants to say inside as they've made a promise to keep them on the down low until after this weekend. It really is the only thing she can cling on to, and despite her mind screaming at her for just coming out with it right now and clear it up – being alone with these two is a better situation than having a whole group listening in – she doesn't.
She just sits there and listens as Dani says she'll be right behind her, then watches as Brittany walks off and disappears into the darkness.
/
"That was awkward," Dani chuckles, and Santana, who's still staring out to the woods where the blonde just went, feels sense kick in again, shock shoot out and then she's pissed all over again, eyes narrowing into a glare as she turns back to her ex-girlfriend.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" She spits, shaking her head and flicking her disposed cigarette into the lake, watching it hit the water and begin to float away.
She clambers to her feet, frustration pouring through her veins, but she knows she needs to keep it in. Sure, she can be pissed that her ex just kissed her, but she can't reveal that she's actually more pissed that Brittany saw it as that's not a normal reaction for a friend to have. But it bugs her. It really fucking grinds her gears because this just feels like another kick in the teeth, another thing reinforcing that her and Brittany aren't going to be together properly – even if there are a thousand reasons carved by fate that say different – and it's so hard fighting this battle.
Even if a part of her wants to believe it isn't a losing one, but how can she think any differently? It's starting to make her lose hope.
"Santana, I'm sorry, I just–"
"Just what?" Santana cuts in, voice sharp as she glares down at her ex-girlfriend who scoffs and pushes up from the ground until she's stood in front of her, confusion in her face. It's something that used to make Santana break, but she's irrational right now and she's angry and jealous and all the things in between. There isn't a positive emotion in her body and despite Dani giving her the puppy eyes, it won't change that.
"You said you want things to be different and I just…" Dani gets out and there's a pleading in her voice, but Santana's anger is making her not notice. "I miss you and I–"
"I don't miss you," Santana fires back, and later, she'll regret it as her ex flinches, the words punching her and stealing her breath, but she doesn't now. "I don't wanna get back together, and you shouldn't have kissed me," she follows and grinds her teeth as she thinks about the kiss, but Dani just stares at her through glossy eyes and tilts her head to the side. She's hurt, but Santana doesn't care right now. "What we had was great, but we weren't working out and I thought we could be friends but–"
"Weren't working out?" Dani repeats, interjecting quickly and Santana takes a step back when she sees the emotion change from hurt to anger in the eyes staring back at her. "Are you really still spewing that bullshit, Santana?" She laughs, but it's dark and empty and the blood drains from Santana's face, her heart picking up in her chest. "Because I thought we were good… I always thought that, but maybe I was wrong the entire time," the cheerleader chokes out and a single tear falls from her eye, but she swipes it away quickly and flares her nostrils. "And maybe I was right about other things," she finishes, but it comes out quieter than the rest of her words and Santana narrows her eyes at her.
It's a dangerous question, but she can't even stop it when it comes out. "What's that meant to mean?"
Dani scoffs out a laugh, eyes finally dragging away to everything that isn't Santana and she takes a few moments to reply. "Nothing," she lands on, and Santana looks at her for a few moments, realisation slowly setting in but no…
Surely, if Dani knew anything about her and Brittany, that she'd say something. This is the opportune moment, and yeah, there's suspicion but obviously there isn't anything like evidence and that's the only thing Santana's hanging on to right now. It seems like she's hanging on to whatever the hell she can in every aspect of her life, and as much as she wants to have this out, to get rid of this anger and resentment between them, she knows ultimately, there's no point.
They've still got the whole weekend to get through, and this information should come from Brittany.
So Santana needs to leave.
"Right," she grunts and pushes her tongue to the back of her teeth, shaking her head at her ex as she bends down to swipe the half empty pack of cigarettes off the ground, alongside the lighter. "Gotta get these back to Puck," she says as it's the only excuse out of here. It's weak, but she doesn't care. She just needs to get out of this situation.
Dani eyes her for a long moment, the dark brown burning with something but Santana doesn't need it.
So she walks away.
/
About an hour later, the tension has dissolved and none of her close friends questioned why she was gone for so long.
Puck didn't even ask her why so many of his cigarettes were missing, and it's welcome because it means Santana has actually been trying to enjoy her night instead of answering questions she doesn't want to answer right now.
Everyone is now tucked beneath blankets, surrounding the firepit and there are a few smores being roasted, but she's not into that. Her fifth beer is now in her hand, and she's been staring at the orange flame for so long that every time she closes her eyes to, it's imprinted on the back of her eyelids, but she's listening in on the question game that's been happening for the past ten minutes so for now, she's good.
"Puck," Rachel chirps up, leaning forward in her seat and adjusting the blanket on her lap, eying said guy. "Your turn. Who did you lose your virginity to?"
They've all been either basic or dirty questions, and luckily everyone either despises or is intimated by Santana, so she hasn't had to join in. Some of the answers have been entertaining, so Santana's chosen to put focus on to that and not the dread that's inside of her still, fearing that she'll be dragged into it somehow. Shit like this never goes well, but she's hoping it might change for once and luck will be on her side.
Plus Dani and Brittany are off somewhere else, probably talking about what happened and Santana's hoping her girlfriend is doing damage control.
Anyway, Puck laughs throatily, sharing a quick look to Quinn who nods but is already laughing, and Santana would make a comment about how whipped he is as he's clearly checking to make sure it's appropriate to answer, but they're kind of cute. Plus, she feels like this is going to be juicy, seeing as Jake is now throwing his head back and chuckling, too.
"She was my 9th grade librarian," he finally answers, and everyone shares a look, thinking about the one that's currently in their high school and she's like 60. "Not the one we have now," he explains but Quinn snorts on the sip she takes.
"The one you're talking about isn't much better," she teases, and Puck rolls his eyes but continues with his answer.
"Mrs Johnson was hot."
Rachel splutters as she tips back her canned drink, her face going bright red. "Mrs Johnson?" She screeches and Santana feels a grin creep up on to her lips when everyone begins laughing around the circle. Even Kitty and Bree crack a smile and that's something, so she'll take it. She never met the librarian they're talking about, but she's seen her in the Thunderclap and… Ew. She really didn't think Puck was into geriatrics. "She already had a bus pass when we were in Freshman year, Noah."
Everyone laughs a little louder, but Puck just raises his hands in defence, glancing around the circle like he doesn't get why this is so funny.
"She was 46," he tries but Quinn nudges him in the ribs and Santana manages a laugh. "And she didn't look her age."
"Did she look 15?" The blonde fires back and everyone continues chuckling about Puck – who tries to shrug it off but his eyes dart around like he's totally embarrassed – and for a second, for a split fucking second, Santana lets herself enjoy this.
Naturally though, it's cut short as Dani stumbles in from the woods with Brittany on her arm, and panic sets in as Santana takes in the way they're acting. They've been gone – apparently to refill the cool box that isn't on either of them – for the past 5 minutes, and now they're laughing together and bumbling in their step like they've had some of the drinks whilst doing it, and Santana watches for long enough to become slightly satisfied and allow that panic to minimise.
Not less nervous, but more satisfied that things haven't gone awry. With five beers in her system, she's not sure how she'd react. Especially seeing as she hasn't had any time to talk it out with Brittany and explain that Dani just kissed her, and she showed zero interest. That's still very much itching at her mind and only getting worse as Brittany doesn't meet her eyes once as she wanders over.
"Where have you guys been?" Puck asks, and Santana shoots him a glare because really? She wasn't the one digging at him for his pensioner fetish, so he doesn't need to start anything. What if Dani says they've been having a girl chat? That'll naturally lead to more questions like 'about what' and just no.
Dani wobbles as she lowers herself down on to a log, dragging Brittany down with her and they both grin drunkenly as attention goes to them. They share a quick smile with each other, before Brittany shakes her head, realising that they didn't bring back the reason they were gone, and Dani takes the lead to answer the question, sliding her hand through her best friends hand and whereas that should make Santana feel better, it doesn't.
If they manage to get through this weekend, being all close and shit with Dani is only going to make things harder for Brittany, but it's not like she can warn or remind her of that. Her girlfriend isn't currently talking to her and that's something she wants to sort out as soon as possible.
"We went to refill the beers," Dani slurs out but then scrunches her face up as she looks down at the ground to her feet, then to the blondes next to her. "But I think we forgot," she adds on and Brittany bursts out into laughter, both of them giggling as everyone looks equally as amused.
Puck just grunts out, mumbling something about needing that to continue getting his drink on, and he gets up and leaves the circle, following the direction where the two girls just came back from. Santana lets out a long breath, relief filling her as Quinn looks to her and nods, like she's on the same brainwave as she is and knows that there's no current danger as Brittany seems to have tamed the dragon. Apparently with alcohol.
"What are we playing?" Dani claps her hand to her thigh and Jake, a few seats away, leans forward and answers.
"Just asking random questions," he says and looks to Rachel. "Berry over there just humiliated my brother," he shoots a wink to his girlfriend who just bats her lashes in response. "You want to go next, Dani?"
Santana stills, her eyes flashing to Brittany who instantly looks back at her, and the dread she felt before? That's nothing in comparison to the discomfort in her stomach now. She doesn't know why, as there's nothing actually pointing her towards that, but it's like her Mexican third eye is screaming at her. That thing is never wrong, and she's been in a situation like this before, knowing it's going bad, enough to recognise the signs but again… She didn't, and so she's just sort of stuck there, staring and waiting.
For her part, Dani clears her throat, reaching over to pluck the red cup from Jake's hands and tipping back the contents, eyes focused on the sky like she's thinking of a question. "Question, question, question," she repeats, and Santana stops breathing. "Um… What's everyone's favourite dish?"
It's pretty tame, and on the complete other side of the scale to what Santana was expecting, so she bites down on her tongue and ignores the voices inside her mind, telling her to just up and leave. She doesn't feel relieved just yet though. Dani has that glint in her eye that Santana's seen way too many times before even though what just left her mouth seems innocent.
"Pizza," Jake replies, bobbing his head and Quinn agrees with a hum before offering her answer.
"Pasta would have to be mine."
Dani nods, like she's enjoying the responses even though they're totally lame, and Santana slowly releases the grip on her chair, settling back into it because maybe she's wrong this time. Maybe this is going to go badly, and so she just listens as everyone takes their turns in answering. Puck says his is corndogs, Sam says his is pizza too, the Cheer bitches say something about kale which is so obviously a lie as no-one enjoys eating kale, and then it comes full circle until it's Brittany's turn, and Dani turns to her friend.
"What about yours, Britt?"
Brittany wavers in her spot, still visibly intoxicated. "I gotta say…" She trails off and Santana bites back on answering for her. She already knows this. "Bacon and eggs, but for dinner."
There are a few questions from various people, some asking why she would want to eat breakfast food for dinner, but all Santana can do is think about the night after they slept together and how weird she found it when her girlfriend told her she'd cook for her if she got to choose what it was. As it's Brittany, it's also endearing and makes her chest swell with affection, and she finds herself unable to tear her gaze away from her girlfriend, across the firepit. It only takes a few seconds until blue eyes are on her, and she has to hide the growing grin on her face by bringing her can to her lips and taking a sip.
However, she's so distracted by that, that she completely misses the way Dani watches the visual exchange, her dark eyes narrowing the more she looks, and when Santana finally cottons on, something clicks inside her own mind and her stomach drops out her ass. She knew she was fucking right. She knew there were signs and had she just got up and left a few minutes ago, or even Brittany had, then she wouldn't be in this situation because she can see her ex putting things together in her mind and she doesn't know what to say.
All words have vanished, and everything goes in slow motion as the cheerleader's mouth pops open, the imaginary light bulb flicking over her head.
"Bacon and eggs, huh?" Dani repeats, and the chatter around the circle quietens down, allowing everyone to register the sound of footsteps coming from behind where Puck is rejoining but slowing down the closer he gets, clearly feeling the sudden tension that's setting in.
Brittany's laughter dies off the second she glances at her best friend, and Santana's mouth drops open to blurt out her favorite food, to find a way out of this because she's remembering something she really wishes she didn't right now. Something that Dani apparently also remembers, evident in the way her face begins twisting, all signs of intoxication vanishing as her stare turns into a glare, and then she's looking between Santana and Brittany and FUCK.
She knows what's coming.
"Think Santana likes that too," Dani finally says and then there's dead silence, highlighted when Puck stops behind Quinn and glances around the circle with confusion in his eyes as he flicks open a new can of beer in his hand, after dropping the cool box by his feet.
"What's going on?" He asks, and Santana wants to tell him.
She wants him to say anything because she's currently swallowing her tongue, fear slicing through her because she thinks Brittany's fucked up. No, scratch that, she knows Brittany's fucked up, as it was only a week ago that Dani freaking knocked on Santana's door, asked if she was cooking bacon and eggs at night and that was a contributing reason as to why the blonde didn't stay over that night as it was a close call.
But she doesn't know how to redirect this conversation to a safe topic. She doesn't know how she can get out of this, talk her way out of it and save Brittany on the way, especially when the blonde, shocked as anything with wide eyes and a wider mouth, slowly looks to her friend beside her – who is glaring intently – and then drags her gaze back at a painstakingly slow pace back to Santana and that's when she knows that there's no point in even trying, because the gig is up.
They've been caught.
Dani lets out a mirthless laugh, her head shaking as she pushes to her feet, using her hands on her thighs and then claps them together loudly, swiping the drink out of Brittany's hand and earning her eyes again. "And here I was, thinking you were the stupid one, Britt," she says and Santana can't help it when she leans forward, ready to get up on her feet as anger shoots through her, sparking beneath her skin.
But there's a hand snapping down to her shoulder, one that's stronger than Quinn's and she whips her head around so fast her neck clicks, to find Puck staring down at her, eyes hard, jaw clenched and moves his head from side to side in a stern motion. Usually, she wouldn't listen to him, just scoff and maybe even break a finger or two as she removes his grip, but if that guy knows anything, it's how to handle being caught.
He's had his fair share of exposure when it comes to his life, whether it be caught cheating or caught doing something criminal, and it seems he knows that this is the moment for Santana do actually do as he says, but before she can make the conscious decision to step in, Dani's talking again.
"And that sweater," she dryly adds, cocking her head to the side as she addresses Brittany, but the blonde is just frozen. Although she does manage to break from her trance to glance down at the grey fabric of her clothing. "I've been trying to think of where I've seen it before tonight," Dani closes her eyes and clicks her tongue at herself, and all Santana can do is watch, feeling Puck's hand press harder into her shoulder, but she's frozen from fear.
Quinn isn't though, and she clears her throat loudly, getting to her feet and throwing the blanket she had on her lap on to Rachel, cautiously eying the situation. Santana knows she's trying to help, but nothing is going to because this is it; this is the big reveal. It's fucking happening and shit, she really wishes she'd just done it when she was alone. She wishes she'd just stopped Dani from kissing her, or at least explained why she can't do that anymore, because at least she'd be in the heat of it.
She'd be the one everyone is staring at, instead of Brittany, but that's too far gone now.
"Dani," Quinn says, and her voice is serious as she treads carefully on the eggshells beneath her feet. "Dani, I think you should–"
"Oh, give it up, Tutor Bitch," Dani snipes and Santana jerks, but Puck just applies more pressure, rooting her to her spot. His fingertips do dig in a little deeper though, and it's quickly followed by his voice.
"Dan, don't ruin this weekend," he states and it comes out as more of a command than a request, but it just makes the cheerleader scoff and turn the glare to him.
"Shut it, Puckerman," Dani hisses and everyone around the circle gasps. It's like a freaking showdown and Santana's not being fucking entertained, but she still can't speak. "You might be dumb enough to overlook what's been happening, but I'm not anymore," she laughs out, voice cracking and tears gloss over her eyes, but she's mad. If it were a comic, there would be steam coming out her ears and it takes everything inside of Santana – and most of Puck's body weight – to keep her in her spot. "I'm done with pretending like I don't know what's going on," she finishes and spits the words towards Brittany, the fury burning hot in her eyes.
The blonde just stares up at her though, blue orbs full of tears and Santana's heart breaks as she watches it unfold, but she's not going to let her take the hit on this one. This isn't how either of them wanted it to happen, how either of them wanted the truth to come out but apparently, luck is never on Santana's side so she shouldn't be surprised. There was little chance of Dani putting two and two together, but all she can think about is how Rachel said it was obvious, once she knew and she's heavily assuming that's the case here now.
Or else she wouldn't have gone off the eggs and bacon evidence. That stupid fucking breakfast food that's somehow unravelled everything they've done.
"Dani, I can explain–"
The loudest slap echoes, bouncing off the surface of the lake and that's it for Santana when registers what just happened; Dani just hit Brittany as she tried to speak.
Without a second thought, she's shooting up from her seat, roughly pulling away from Puck's grip as he tries to grab for her again and instant regret kicks in when pain slices through her, but she pays no mind to it. It doesn't fucking matter because now she's darting across the circle, hand snapping out and wrapping around Dani's wrist and she roughly tugs it until the other girl stumbles backwards, Sam reaching out to catch her as she falls into him on his chair.
Anger flares across her skin, scorching and all hesitation of hiding reactions fade away because fuck it, the truth is out now. She doesn't need to pretend, and so she shoves the fear away and instantly squares up to her ex-girlfriend, seething at the mouth as she stares into dark, narrowed eyes. She's breathing hard, her heart pounding inside her chest but all she sees is red, and venom curdles up the back of her throat as she gets defensive.
No fucking way is Dani getting away with that shit.
"I swear to God if you touch another hair on her head," her arm snaps out, finger pointing towards Brittany as she clutches her cheek, tears now falling from blue eyes. "It'll be the last thing you fucking do."
Dani pushes out of Sam's grip, and he moves to stand next to her but that only multiples the fury burning through Santana as it now feels like she's being ganged up on, and ganged up on with him of all people.
She doesn't think she's ever been this fucking mad before, and distantly, she register Rachel and Quinn rushing over to Brittany, coming behind her and that's all she needs to do this as her girlfriend is now being cared for. Who fucking cares now? Especially as Sam is giving her the same damn look he did when he found them up at Lima Point; like he's fucking smug and God, she fucking hates that guy.
"And there it is," Dani slowly says, clapping her hands as she regains her balance but Santana can tell she's close to crying. "Just what we were all waiting for," she enunciates with a widening of her eyes and gestures around the circle before turning her attention back. "Finally 'fessing up, Santana?" She asks but it's rhetorical and Santana burns inside. This situation, where Dani's resulting to sheer humiliation, is growing old but Santana won't take it this time. "Finally gonna tell everyone how long you two have been fucking behind my back?"
Someone gasps, she's not sure who, but she doesn't even look around because now the shock is setting in. The red is slowing down, and a cool fear creeping down her spine as she tries to think of a way to answer that, because they're not just fucking, and that's so much worse. What they have is real, is stuff that novels are made of and she knows that's not a suitable answer but she doesn't know what is.
And the fact that Brittany's not even trying to justify it to her friend either, instead sobbing quietly as Rachel wraps her up into a tight embrace, lets Santana know this really is a lost cause.
They've just got to face the music.
"I should've known," Dani clicks her tongue again and Santana clenches her jaw, eyes narrowed and teeth aching from how she's grinding them together, holding back the venom threatening to spill. "I should've known because I came to your house to ask if we could talk about us, and I remember you saying you were having bacon and eggs for dinner after you turned me down the first time," she laughs out, but it's not funny. The tears falling from her eyes are backing that theory up. "Or maybe I should've known when I saw her freaking sweater," she flashes her eyes to Brittany. "The one she's fucking wearing in front of me," she swings her arm out and points to the clothing. "On your kitchen counter, the night you got back from the hospital and the night you broke up with me," she adds and Santana jerks her head back, the scowl falling from her face.
Fuck.
Everyone is still watching the exchange, and Santana spares a second to take in everyone's expressions, the embarrassment starting to sink in as the memories of Dani's words flash through her brain. Bree and Kitty look fucking elated, but super evil at the same time and Sam still looks smug. It makes her want to slap him instead, but there's been enough violence for tonight and she's still rocking on to the balls of her feet, waiting for Dani to try something else dumb like step up to her or Brittany again, so it might be needed there instead.
The instinct to defend Brittany is just too strong, and she won't let her girlfriend go down with this ship alone.
"I just knew something was going on, and I thought telling Rick about you two up at Lima Point would prove it," Dani continues and again, Santana jerks back. Pieces of information she wasn't even privy to are now flying about and it's all a rush to the head. To the point where she stumbles, and feels a hand shoot out to steady her, her vision shifting to find Quinn on the end of it, nodding her head but panting equally as hard as she is.
"Somehow you managed to snake your way out of that, too," Dani hisses, sniffling as the tears flow freely, but she doesn't look sad. She still looks freaking pissed and it's easier for Santana to square her shoulders and use that as motivation to stand between the two girls.
"Dani," Brittany chokes and Santana's head snaps around, eyes focused on the blonde. Blue eyes meet hers for the briefest of seconds, and then Brittany stands on shaky feet, sliding out from between her troupe of bodyguards and meets her friend in the middle. "I-It wasn't like that, and I… I was going to–"
"Too fucking late for excuses, Brittany," the cheerleader cuts in, nostrils flaring as she bares her teeth and leans forward, but Brittany doesn't move back, just lifts her chin and wells up all over again. "The truth is out now, so what are you gonna do?" She seethes, lip curling.
"We were gonna tell you," Santana tries but the second the words leave her mouth, she knows it's the wrong thing to do.
It's like adding fuel to the flame, because Dani gets her back up once again and begins laughing bitterly, shaking her head as Bree and Kitty move from their chairs, coming up behind her. Now they're stood in a flanked position, like if a fight is to ensue that they're fully prepared and Quinn and Rachel must see that, as they form the same position around Santana.
She doesn't think she's ever been so thankful for her best friends, and if she had any energy to, she'd thank them with a smile but that energy is purely focused on her ex-girlfriend and the crowd of assholes standing behind her.
"You act like you're Miss Sunshine and Rainbows, Prom Queen Pierce," Dani hisses and Santana's fists curl by her thighs into tight balls. "When you're a fake, and you're a fucking liar," she spits but on the last word, her voice breaks, but she doesn't stop. Brittany winces beside Santana and she has to hold back on the urge to reach out and touch her, mostly because that'll make it worse, but also because she's too focused on snarling at Kitty who smirks back and folds her arms over her chest as she watches, enjoying the drama.
"All you think about is the next name you're going to carve into your bedpost and Santana?" Dark eyes flicker to hers. "You think you're going to be any different?" She chokes and her voice is a pitch higher, but there's still anger and sadness burning inside her glare. "You don't think she'll hurt you, after she betrayed her best friend?"
Someone turns down the low hum of the music, all eyes now on the scene unfolding and Santana can feel the rush of emotion pulse through her. She doesn't know which one is beating the rest, but she thinks it's anger as all energy is being put behind not lurching across the gap now between them. She would love to just shut Dani the fuck up, but there's a part, deep inside of her, that knows she deserves this.
But Brittany doesn't, and that's why she thinks she's so mad.
"Dan," Brittany breathes out the name, but the other girl just sneers, which makes her lips shut again and she scoffs, clicking her freaking tongue again and Santana swears she's going to rip that fucking thing out in a minute. "You've got to believe–"
"Believe you?" Dani cuts in, and there's a few extra giggles from behind which makes Santana clench her jaw. She has restraint, but it's being severely threatened right now. "You want me to fucking trust you, Brittany?" She continues and takes a large step forward, almost coming toe to toe with the blonde and Santana can't help but shift behind her, earning a glare from her ex, but then Dani's eyes are returning back to her best friend, still flowing with tears.
"You knew how I felt about her," she sobs the words out and Santana winces at the same time her girlfriend does, but she still doesn't speak. She doesn't even know what to say. "I asked you–" She whimpers, and Kitty and Bree both step forward, hands shooting to the other girls back. "You told me it was okay to see where it went with her, when all along you wanted her for yourself," the words crack towards the end, and Dani tilts her head to the side.
She's still visibly angry, but the sadness is creeping in stronger now and Santana clenches her jaw for a different reason this time. She never meant for this to happen. She didn't want the ultimate showdown where the truth came out, and she definitely doesn't want either of these two hurting because of her, and that thought leads her to another which almost makes a bitter chuckle escape her throat.
Maybe Rick Pierce has a point. Maybe she just brings drama with her wherever she goes, and to whomever she touches.
"Dani," Brittany tries one more time, but her friend just shuts her down again by squeezing her eyes shut and looking away, but her shoulders fall like she's defeated. "Dani, I'm sorry."
Kitty steps in, being bolder than necessary and on instinct, Santana watches as Quinn does the same. Guess she's chosen her opponent and if Santana were to hedge her bets, she knows who she'd be going with. Quinn isn't just taller, but she's far freaking scarier, and that bitch can out slap Santana.
"She doesn't want to hear your bullshit apologies," Kitty still comments and her eyes narrow, flashing to Quinn. She isn't backing down though. "No-one wants your justification… We all know who you two really are now," she hisses and curls her upper lip as her vision returns to Santana.
But it's her time to talk. She's been stood here, taking all of it and watching as Brittany falls apart, being verbally beaten black and blue. She knows they have to face the music. She knows that everything they've done was going to bite them in the ass and they've still got a hell of a lot to work through – they haven't spoken about Dani kissing her earlier – but this is far more important.
This is the final showdown, regardless of whether she wanted it or not and it's her time to take the punches.
"You don't know anything about me and Brittany," she starts, eyes burning into Kitty's, then moving slowly towards Dani. "You have no idea what's even going on between us and how much I hate myself for everything I've put you through," she chokes and her ex-girlfriend's glare cracks, but doesn't break. She's holding on to that thing. "I never lied to you, and what we had was real," she continues but Kitty audibly snarls, shifting to the left and away from Quinn, but the taller blonde just doubles back on her step and cocks her head to the side as if Kitty's delusional for even trying to get around her. Santana almost smirks.
"But I just…" She continues but words fall short, and she clenches her jaw, heat crawling up to the back of her eyelids. She doesn't know how to phrase this, how to lessen the blow and it's making her panic even more as her eyes dart down to her girlfriend, then to her ex, lips moving but nothing coming out, but she has to say something. She's never been rendered speechless – apart from when Brittany got naked in front of her for the first time – and she sure as hell won't be like that now. "We just can't help the way we feel–"
For the second time tonight, a slap echoes around the lake. There's a dead silence after an initial gasp from everybody, but Santana doesn't even get to notice who's the loudest is, as all she feels is her cheek sting, blood rushing to it as she glares back at Dani, who's baring her teeth, looking all types of fierce as her hand falls away. She slapped her, and this one is so much worse because Quinn surges forward, her hand raised in the air but luckily, Puck catches her, winding a strong arm around her waist and tugging her away before the fight can ensue.
Because Santana doesn't want that. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly, the anger and frustration still very much present but all she does is cradle her cheek, ignoring the shot of pain as it's not the worst she's felt in recent times, and honestly, it wasn't that hard. Which isn't quite what she was expecting, so she's thrown off but she knows there's no point in trying to explain her and Brittany, because Dani won't listen.
There's no suitable explanation, and she knows a lost cause when she sees one. She knew something like this would happen tonight, and she should've had the sensible forethought to not even coming, but if there's a silver living somewhere, it's that the truth is out.
"It's not her fault, Dani–"
"Go to hell, Brittany," Kitty steps forward, cutting off the words and Santana doesn't need to react as Quinn's pushing straight out of her boyfriends grip, surging forward and this time, no-one stops her. Instead, her hands come up, roughly shoving at the shorter blondes shoulders and Kitty stumbles backwards, colliding with Bree who trips into Sam, and in any other situation, Santana would probably laugh.
But there's nothing amusing about this. Nothing is right either, and somewhere, it should make her feel better that her and Brittany can finally be who they want to be, but it's not. If anything, it's only highlighting that this is the type of shit they're going to have to deal with if they continue being the way they are.
Which is a really fucking hard pill to swallow when she glances down at Brittany, sobbing her heart out with Rachel draped around her, trying to hug away the pain. Then when she looks up to find Quinn screaming in Kitty's face, and Puck trying to slide between them but neither of them budge, and then she finally turns her attention to the person hurting this most in this, Dani… Who looks so damn angry but so fucking broken at the same time that Santana can only tilt her head to the side and suck her lips in, willing herself not to cry.
This isn't what she wanted, and it's not a normal thing for her to do, but it seems like the only suitable thing to say right now. "I'm sorry."
No-one listens to her, though, and she repeats it again, allowing the tears to fall from her eyes as she drops her gaze to the floor, muscles in her jaw tightening but again, it goes unnoticed, and the only reason she puts focus back on the situation, is because she hears a new voice join in and finds Sam, standing up on a log and shouting for everybody to stop.
For some unknown reason, they do, everyone freezing in their positions, and it's another kick in the tits because Santana knows he might not actually be a bad guy after all. He might make some poor decisions, and really pisses her off with the way he acts towards Brittany, but he hasn't done this. He hasn't caused a freaking riot, just because he was unsure of anyone's feelings and Santana's heart breaks as she realises that maybe… Maybe Rick Pierce has a point.
And that fucking kills her.
"Break it up!" Sam yells, hopping down from the log and pushing his way between Kitty, Puck, and Quinn, hands on the girls chests above their boobs. "You two, quit it," he demands, and Quinn jerks her head back, but her eyes remain on Kitty as Puck tries to drag his girlfriend away wordlessly. "Bree, take Dani away," he follows up with a sharpness in his voice and then whips his head around, eyes zoning in on Brittany and Rachel as the other two do as their told.
"Rachel, take Brittany to her tent," he commands, and Santana would snap at him for the softness of his tone, or for the way his eyes linger on Brittany, but she's hardly in a position to do so. He's just sorting out her mess and she doesn't know how to feel about that, even as her girlfriend is escorted away. "And Santana," he finally settles on and moves again, stalking straight over to her but unlike the other instructions he's just given, there's no empathy or softness, and his eyes burn bright as they bore into hers.
"I think you should leave," he says lowly, and to her right, she hears Brittany protest but Rachel strokes her hair and it's weak as the blonde is still crying her heart out. "You've done enough damage for one night," he sneers and lifts his chin before shaking his head, disappointment strong in his expression. "You'll be to thank for the way this weekend played out, so I hope you're happy."
She doesn't even get to reply before he's turning away and grabbing Kitty by the arm, roughly tugging her despite her small frame fighting back, and Sam's words ring through her head like an alarm clock. She's not happy. She's not even close, yet this is what she was supposedly waiting for but all she can see is exactly what the guy said; she's done enough damage.
The truth coming out was supposed to be make things easier, but it's so clear it's done the total opposite. Brittany's crying on the floor, Dani's heartbroken, Puck looks like he doesn't know what to do with himself, Quinn's still foaming at the mouth and Rachel's just staring at the remnants of the disaster with wide eyes, like she doesn't know how to react. Even when Jake comes over, having been silent during the entire thing, she doesn't even move and it's the first fucking time that girl has ever been quiet.
Which confirms Santana's fear… This really has gone too far.
"Santana," Quinn calls, her voice gravelly and eyes narrowed as she comes up to her, nostrils still flaring. "Santana, say something," she hisses. "Fucking do something."
But she can't. All she does is stays silent, regret seeping into her body and it's like being at the scene of a car crash. Her eyes are following the debris, seeing the destruction she caused, and her eyes slowly drag up to her best friend after taking it all in, knowing that shit wasn't supposed to go this way. It wasn't supposed to be this damn hard, and okay, maybe if they'd somehow made it through this weekend without being caught, and the truth came out in the way it was supposed to, it may have gone the same way, but she just doesn't know.
Honestly? It doesn't matter, because it's done now and all that's left is pain, tears and devastation.
So she takes in Quinn's words, eyes flitting between each hazel one and knows that yeah, she should do something… Something that Sam suggested, and without even bothering to reply, she just lifts her shoulders up, shrugs at her best friend and walks away.
/