"The worst nightmare of all, reality..."
-Warning: Mature Content-
-contains verbal, physical and emotional abuse-
A dream, I dreamed a dream of peaceful days with my baby in my arms, warm peaceful tranquility. I stand before a cliff watching the morning dawn on the horizon, cool wind on my face my hair being swept away. Then large warm hands took hold on my shoulders pulling me in his warm embrace. I don't have to look up to see who he is, I just know.
The scent of mild fabric conditioner and soap on his suit brings comfort to my soul.
"How long will you stand here?" A rasp dark voice echoed suddenly
What?!
My surroundings crumbled loudly and grew dimmed
"Come back right here you useless piece of trash!"
This voice!
"Fucking bitch! How dare you run away from me?"
Those insults! I have to run!
"Who told you to get knock up ha?! I should've punch your stomach when I had the chance"
No
Run! Run far away as far my legs can go!
"Fucking whore! Get rid of that thing!"
No!!
He grabbed my hair and slam me on the floor.
"I'll punch it right out of you!"
NO!!!
Bang
Ughh my stomach! What is this? It hurts!
Blood? BLOOD!!
nononononononononononono
NOOO
my baby
My Baby!
MY BABY!!!
Silence
Where am I? Oh... It's his place. Why am I here?
That's right, I just found out I'm pregnant and he beat me up and repeatedly kick my stomach. I passed out and found the house empty.
"Hey, get up and clean this place, lazy woman"
"Yes, mother"
"Tch! All you got is that pretty face of yours, what does my son even see in you?"
"I'm sorry"
"Make dinner while you're at it!"
I stare at the empty fridge, should I go buy ingredients?
"Use your own damn money! It's nice enough that I let you live in this house without rent!"
Ah... How long do I have to endure this life?
I began peeling the potatoes absentmindedly looking at the sharp edge.
Should I just end it all? The knife in my hands sure looks sharp.
Just one straight slash on my arm should suffice and it'll be all over.
Aligning the sharp edge on my forearm, its just one deep slash and it'll all be over.
This pathetic sad life of mine ends here.
My nightmare ends
Here...
Slap
Bang
Pull
Screech
"You bitch! What the fuck are you trying to do?"
"Fucking whore!"
Ah... He caught me, he just won't let me
Slap
Slap
Punch
Kick
Blueerghhh (vomiting)
Blank
When will this nightmare end?
I tried my best to open my eyes but i guess they're too swollen to fully open, i can barely see through my left eye.
Sigh...
The same ceiling, the same surroundings, the same bed, the same room, the same house, the same cage. I can't feel my limbs, I try to sit up but my back is too painful to move, my hips are in aching. I feel a sticky wetness between my thighs...
He did it again. He always does whatever he wants with my body after using me as a punching bag. I don't know how many times he had used me. In the end he blames me for it.
My hands trembled as I reach down to touch my abdomen.
Are you still there? Are you still hanging on? Are you still clinging on for your life?
Drip
Drip
Tears fell from my face and I couldn't stop the hiccups from my throat. I know...
I know I'm talking to myself, asking myself if I should keep holding on. I can't even be angry at anyone other than myself. It's all because of the wrong choices I make that's why I'm suffering from this endless nightmare. This life is pure torture, I just want to end it all!
Can't I just die and be done with this life? I promise on my mext life I'd do better! Please please please just let me die!
I try to cover my shameful naked body but there's no bed sheet nor a pillow. Just anything to cover me and give me at least a little bit of comfort but there's nothing. I covered my body with just my arms.
Naked and exposed, used and abused, broken and pathetic. The guilt and shame coursing through my body from head to toe, my very existence sickening me to the core.
As I cry my eyes out I hear childrens laughter from the window. I stare at the children playing on the street, laughing like there's no tomorrow.
How fun
How lovely
How beautiful it is to be carefree
I never had such joyous childhood days like them. I wish I could turn back time when...
Ah, That's right, not even one glimpse of happiness was present in my younger years...
Laughter
If I didn't have such joys when I was young what gives me the right to erased my childs potential joy in the future? Just because He got me pregnant doesn't mean it's the child's fault. It's never the child's fault.
People around me, even myself cut off all the opportunities I could get for me to be happy and that doesn't give me any right to cut this childs future.
My baby deserves to experience life.
That's right...
That's right. I can give up on my life but not my child's. My child deserves to live and experience life to its fullest!
My child...
Yes
My child deserves happiness
Suddenly I felt warmth inside me and I knew that my baby is still there.
My baby gave me hope in this hopeless place.
My whole body aches just by moving a little but I had to grit my teeth and move. My body is heavy and trembling but I still willed myself to move. Not for me but for my child!
My baby!
In haste I only grab what I can and wore a dress I saw lying on the floor.
A white tattered dress with full of questionable stains.
Quickly before they come back
Quickly before they get here
Quickly before they find me
Run
Run
Run
I grabbed the door knob and turn
A blinding light enveloped me
And I saw colors staring right at me
"Kotoha"
His soft voice called out my name with arms wide open
Welcoming me with his warm embrace
Oh so tightly
So so tightly
Leaving me breathless
Gasp
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
As I take in my surroundings I realised that everything was just a dream and I'm still here at my one room apartment
But...
Why do I get this feeling that someone was here in my room?
Watching me with...
Rainbow eyes.
Notes: Here we explore Kotoha's past in a vague dream like scenes.
I didn't put too much details into the story to let our own imaginations run free. I hope you had a great time reading this chapter.
ps. Kotoha's thoughts and dialogues are intertwined and this chapter deals with sound effects more, so I'm sorry if it's a bit confusing but dreams are like that, even more so when we deal with nightmares especially when nightmares are mixed in with reality.
Thank you for reading.
RnR guys!