Changeling - Chapter 16

"Girlfriend, I wish I had your love life!" Kurt said, envy creeping into his voice after watching Noah kiss me bye.

"I can't believe I have my love life." I confessed as I hugged him bye. I was so happy now that my friend was able to hang out with me again.

Walking down the hall, I was almost to my class when I heard a voice behind me say, "Rumor has it that you're sleeping with both Sandra Dietz and Noah Puckerman."

I turned to see Jacob Ben Israel with a recorder shoved in my face. I'd actually checked out his blog, mainly because he was Jewish, and it was a load of crap. Not even a gossip rag would print those kinds of things.

"Rumor is wrong. Just because I'm going out with them doesn't mean I've slept with them."

"Who do you think my readers will believe? With Puckerman's reputation I think that my readers will believe me." Then he leered at me before continuing, "Although I could be persuaded to ignore the rumors, for the right incentive." Then he looked down at my crotch as if his words weren't meaning enough.

Now I was pissed off. I saw him jerk back a little when I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Now listen to me you sorry excuse for a human being." I said, slowly walking toward him with him backing away. At least until he ran into the lockers. "I don't care about what your opinion is, or what your readers will believe. I know the truth and so does my boyfriend and girlfriend. Now let me tell you something that I believe in. I believe that, if you print, or even suggest anything libelous or slanderous about me OR my boyfriend and girlfriend, I'll sue you and your family so bad you'll have to beg for scraps. My stepfather is the ADA here in Lima, so you decide what you want to do."

Then I turned and calmly walked to my class. Yeah, I kinda lied since Paul wasn't my stepfather quite yet.

We still had our extended party at our table for lunch. Some of the others had started following our lead and bringing their own. Noah and I let them taste my spicy chicken strips. Santana loved them, but Brittany and Quinn said it was too hot for them. I told them about being ambushed by Ben Israel and Noah looked like he was ready to go find him and beat him to a pulp until I explained how I handled him. That got a laugh from everyone and then we shared stories about him and his pervy ways, Quinn mentioning that he'd been blackmailing Rachel for a pair of her panties. I was right, the boy was a pervert.

There were no special privileges being Ms. Blake's teacher's aide. I still had the same amount of information to go over, but I would help the other students with questions when she was busy with a different one. It wasn't hard, French just seemed to come naturally to me, maybe because I loved it so much. I also helped her grade her test papers.

There were still only four of us that showed up for practice. The scary part was that Coach showed up and sat in the stands doing nothing. She seemed almost... subdued, she hadn't even brought her megaphone. So, we just started laying out new stunts.

Glee has been where all the drama had been happening and today was no exception. Coach was there, still looking subdued, but not angry. We were happy because we were all together again, just the way it should be. Mr. Schue let us hug it out, being able to sit in the same room together again. Then he sat down and began to speak. "Because you're all minorities, you're in the Glee Club. Now there are only 12 of you. And all you have is each other. So, it doesn't matter if Rachel, Kayleigh, and Puck are Jewish, or that Finn is..."

"...Unable to tell my lefts from my rights." Finn broke in, making us chuckle.

"Sure. Or that Santana is Latina, or that Quinn is..."

Mr. Schue was interrupted again, only this time by Coach.

"Is pregnant." She said quietly, with no malice.

We were all stunned. You could have heard a pin drop. It wasn't that we all didn't already know about Quinn being pregnant, it was that Coach would out her like that. I started to worry again if she would end up outing me. Not that I cared what people thought about me at this point, but what it would mean for Noah's dream.

"Sorry Q."

Coach actually saying 'sorry'? The world must be ending.

"It'll be all over the blogosphere by this afternoon. Now everybody knows, including me."

I felt bad for Quinn when I heard her gasp, and I could see she was in shock. I looked over at Noah and could see the anger and hurt on his face. I took his hand and squeezed. He looked at me and those emotions faded away to be replaced with a tender expression.

Noah was very quiet taking me home today. We had a date scheduled for tonight and it always took a while for me to get ready. I envied boys, but only as far as their ease of dress. Change their clothes, run a comb through their hair, brush their teeth, and they were set. I sat quietly next to him, rubbing his arm and shoulder, trying to offer as much comfort as I could. He walked me to the door and, instead of a heated, but quick, make out session, he just kissed me gently.

"Thank you, Kayleigh. If it wasn't for you, I'd be beating that Ben Israel kid into a bloody pulp. First Rachel, then you and then Quinn? He's a lowlife."

I kissed him again. "Whatever you need Love. I know you're hurting, just remember what I've told you. You'll be able to see your baby, and Quinn has the club's support so she's not alone."

"I know. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you."

"Thank you, Baby. Remember that I love you."

"I love you too."

We said our goodbyes, shared several more kisses, and then I watched as he drove away. I was distracted when I went inside, worried about Noah, wondering how I could help Quinn, so it wasn't my fault that I didn't notice the flowers until I was in the middle of them. I had smelled them since their scent filled the air, but I was just so preoccupied with what had happened that I didn't register what the scent meant.

There were vases of tulips perched on surfaces all over the entry way and the living room. An even dozen vases, each filled with a dozen tulips, half red and half orange. My heart swelled with love and my breath left me. My vision got blurry as I felt myself start to cry. There were cards stuck in each vase, so I grabbed the nearest one and opened it. 'You said I needed to step up my game.' - Noah

I gasped. I checked the other cards, and they all said the same thing. I was overcome and had to pull a chair out so I could sit down. I kept looking around at the flowers, knowing that if Noah had been there, I would have jumped on him and covered him with kisses. I pulled out my phone and called my mom. She must not have been busy since she picked up on the third ring.

"Hey Princess!"

"Mom." I choked out, unable to talk normally. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. "How?"

I heard my mom chuckle. "How did those flowers get in our house?"

"Huh." Yeah, I was really articulate right now, knowing my mom was in on it.

"Noah called me last night and said that he was having flowers for you delivered today and that it was a surprise, so I told Ava to accept the delivery. I take it you were surprised?"

"Yeah, very." I was getting better, my mind starting to function again. "Did he tell you how many he was sending?" I asked her, because I wasn't sure she was aware of just how many flowers were delivered.

"No, I assumed a dozen tulips. Red and orange, right?"

"Uh, red and orange yes. A dozen? No. Try a gross. There are 12 vases with a dozen tulips each!"

"Oh my! That boy must really care for you. Okay. I'm leaving early so I can help you get ready for your date. Love you!"

"Love you too mom!"

The flowers weren't the only thing that had been delivered, the books I had ordered had finally come in. I couldn't wait to read them, but I didn't have time tonight, so I just put them in my room on my bookshelf, hidden in plain sight.

I waited to see mom's expression when she walked in. I had told her but the impact of actually seeing all the flowers was something else.

"Whoa." She said when she entered the house. She had stopped and looked around, stunned, her mouth slightly opened.

"Told you." I said.

She grabbed a card on top of the pile I'd left and read it, cracking a smile at the words. "Well, I'd say he most certainly upped his game."

Mom and I talked about how our days went as she helped me get ready for my date with Noah. I had been excited about it all day except for the time in Glee Club. Noah had been wanting to take me to this Indian restaurant that had opened, hearing that they had some really spicy foods and knowing how much I liked my spicy things, he had made a reservation. Then we were going to head out to see Zombieland.

I was ready for Noah to pick me up and I was pacing again, this time with worry. I knew he was still hurting, and it made me very unhappy. Mom was sitting on the couch altering my costume for the party tomorrow night. It would be my first party I've ever gone to other than birthday parties and she promised me it would be ready. Since Noah was going as Jack Sparrow, I was going as Pirate King Elizabeth Swann.

I was wearing a navy-colored pleated skirt and a cobalt blue blouse. I was also wearing my ankle strapped black, block heel shoes which gave me another couple of inches in height. Ever since I started thinking about the whole BDSM thing that we'd hinted to each other about, the idea of something wrapped around my ankles was a bit of a turn on. Noah showed up at the door wearing a pair of dark gray slacks with a white shirt and a pair of black dress shoes. God, he looked good when he dressed up. But as for how he was feeling, he only looked a little better than he had earlier.

His voice didn't have that hurt tone to it when he greeted my mom, he even smiled when she joked with him about buying out the florist. His response was, "She's worth it."

I kissed my mom bye and got the normal 'Be safe' message. I would be. My purse had everything I needed, just in case. After we got in the car and started driving to the restaurant, I asked him. "Baby, would you rather go somewhere and talk?"

"I got reservations." He said, but he didn't sound all that enthused about it.

"We could always go another time, but you still seem a little down. I want my boyfriend to be happy, so let's swing by Burger King or something then we can go to the cabin by the lake and talk."

"You sure?" He asked, sounding hopeful.

"I'm sure. We'll go to Sundari's some other time." I saw the small smile as he replied.

"Okay."

When he ordered for me at the window, I knew that he'd had a very detailed conversation with my mom about me. That he cared enough to find out my favorite things meant a lot to me. The smell of the food filled the car as Noah headed to what I liked to think of as 'our place'. On the way we talked about the party tomorrow night. It was going to be held at Alex's house, the team's wide receiver. When I asked him to explain that position to me, I knew he was feeling better when he flirted by saying that there were a lot of positions he'd like to explain to me. I smacked him in the arm, not hard though, and he just laughed. Blushing and giving him a coy smile when I did it probably didn't hurt either.

The possibility of alcohol being present would be high as was the possibility that marijuana would be too. I didn't like that idea and he said that it probably wouldn't happen until a few hours after the party started and we didn't have to stay there that long. I flirted back by saying "Oh. Then whatever will we do?" bumping his shoulder with mine.

We pulled in and I kept my shoes on this time since my heels were larger and less likely to sink into the ground. We spread our food out on the little two-person table and began to eat, not talking yet about what was bothering him. I told him my mom had been altering my costume to fit better and that kind of surprised him. I said I didn't know why he was surprised; my mom was a surgeon with amazing hand/eye coordination and a virtuoso with a needle and thread.

After we were done, I took my heels off and set them by the door while Noah took out the trash. Then I grabbed the blankets off the bed and started to head back outside only to run into Noah coming in. He took one look, smiled, and then grabbed the blankets from me. It was a little cloudy tonight, so the stars weren't as visible as the last time, but the nostalgia made up for it. The porch light was a low wattage yellow bulb, giving off just enough illumination that we could see each other.

Noah lay on his back, and I cuddled into his side, the other blanket over us to ward off the slight chill in the air. He put his arm around me, allowing my head to rest in the crook of his shoulder. I ran my fingers in random patterns over his shirt, feeling the taut muscles underneath the thin fabric. I wasn't quite sure how to begin our conversation since Noah didn't seem to want to start it. So, I decided to try something mild at first.

"I wasn't happy that Sue outed Quinn like that. I mean, everyone in Glee knew she was pregnant but to out her like that? To everyone? I knew she was a bitch but that takes the cake!"

"Yeah, it wasn't right for her to do that."

An opening. "Is that what got you so angry and upset? I saw your face Love." I kept my gaze on his face, watching the play of emotions there. He kept staring up at the sky.

"I guess I was angry because of what she did to Q. That and it brought back the feelings that Quinn won't acknowledge the baby as mine, claiming it's Finn's. That part hurt as well, that she didn't believe in me enough to tell the truth. That's one of the things that made me fall so deep in love with you, you do believe in me. Even from the beginning you could see the best in me and worked to make it happen."

I kissed his chest through his shirt. "You've done all you can Love. And your baby won't be lost even if she does give it up for adoption. You'll have a son or daughter that you will know one day."

He was silent for a little while and I let him work things out. Meanwhile I kept enjoying myself by stroking his muscles. "You remember that I told you I've been talking to someone?"

"Mmm hmm."

"His name is Mike, and he's a friend of my mom's. He's a psychiatrist and he helped her when my dad left us. He's been helping me as a favor, so it's not costing us anything. But he's helped me to understand how I feel about things, how I feel about you. I know we're still young, but I can't help how I feel, like we were meant to be together."

He rolled over and our chests were pressed against each other, our faces mere inches apart. His arm I wasn't laying on was thrown over my back and I wrapped the one I wasn't laying on over his waist.

"It's so easy for me to talk to you, about anything. And you listen! You actually care about what I have to say. All the other girls I've been with were always too flighty, you're much more down to earth. I've told Mike about you and how I feel. He says you're an 'old soul' and that it sounds like we're soulmates."

I stroked his cheek and said, "My mom and Carla told me the same thing. I didn't used to believe in soulmates, thinking of it as something that was given to a couple on a silver platter, that everything would be perfect right from the beginning. But Carla explained that it could just be two people who feel a deep connection. And I feel that with you."

He gave me a quick kiss, leaving me wanting more. "I feel the same. He also helped me sort out my feelings. I love you Kayleigh, that's why I'm not going to push to sleep naked with you even if I do get an 'A' on all my tests."

"Nope! We made a deal and I'm keeping it!"

"But..."

"No buts! I'm a girl of my word. Besides, what make you think that I don't want to sleep naked with you?"

He smiled. "You do?"

I shrugged. "I'm curious."

"I only made that bet because I was still in the habit of having lots of sex. Mike helped me realize that I really loved you and didn't want to just have sex with you, I want to make love to you, I want to build a life with you. That's why I never really felt satisfied with those others, there was no connection, it was just sex."

It was a fine line that distinguished the two, the difference being the emotional connection. You can have sex without really caring for the other person, that was what prostitutes did all the time. But you had to have feelings, love, to make it special.

"You do?" I asked meekly.

"Yeah. But I know you're not ready yet."

"I'm not, but I find my reluctance fading day by day."

"So, I just have to be patient. Like a hunter stalking his prey."

I giggled. I couldn't help it... the analogy. "I thought I told you to stop stalking me."

He laughed, showing no signs of his negative feelings from earlier. "Is it stalking if I've caught you?"

"No. I'd say your hunt was successful."

"So would I."

And then he kissed me. It was a serious kiss that made my toes curl and my heart race. My brain switched off and I just melted into the feeling of his lips on mine, his warm tongue worming its way into my mouth. The arm I'd been laying on pulled me tight against him and I felt my breasts squished into my bra, the fabric rubbing against my hardened nipples and sending pleasure jolts through me straight to my crotch. I moaned at that, and his hand slowly traveled down my back, giving me ample opportunity to stop him.

He paused at the slight swell where my ass cheek began and, when I made no move to stop him, continued on until he was grasping my posterior through my skirt and panties. I always loved how his large hand seemed to be able to almost cover my entire cheek. After kneading my one cheek and then switching to the other, making me give off happy noises, he ran his hand down along my thigh until he reached my knee, then he grabbed my knee, pulling my leg up until it was over his hip. I could feel my skirt slide down my thigh and bunch up by my hip.

Noah's lips left mine and he started kissing and nibbling his way down to my neck. I so wanted him to give me hickeys there again, but as long as I was a Cheerio, we wouldn't be able to do that. Maybe during the summer. I was panting as I ran my hands over his broad back when he began planting kisses back up until he reached the area just under my ear. I whimpered when he sucked in my earlobe and lightly bit it.

Leisurely, Noah brought his warm hand up the back of my thigh until he hit my panty covered ass. I hadn't worn my gaffe since our first date. He paused, probably a bit startled, before he explored and felt the lacy bottoms of the hipsters that I'd bought recently, just for him. He ran his fingers along the leg hole just under the lace, heading for my crotch. I was a little nervous since this would be one of the defining moments in our relationship.

As his fingers crept closer to my crotch, I kissed him more passionately hoping he wouldn't reject me. He paused as his fingers hit my balls, but not for more than a second. Then he thrust his hand further into my panties, his fingers completely covering my balls and gently stroking them, which felt better than I had ever expected it to. My heart soared! He truly didn't care that I was really a boy, he loved me!

My hand grasped the back of his neck and I pushed so that his lips were pressed hard against mine. I whimpered when he removed his hand and I looked at him, scared that he had decided that he couldn't be with me after all. He kissed me on my nose and palmed my groin, gently rubbing there trying to let me know it was okay.

"You're not ready." He said, his voice husky.

He was right, I wasn't. But I wouldn't have stopped him if he decided that he was. That was why I kept the condoms and lube in my purse now. Part of me was glad that he knew I wasn't ready, and part of me was disappointed that he didn't just go ahead and take me. "I love you and I want to make love to you, but I want it to be special, not a spur of the moment thing."

It just went to prove how far he'd changed. Thinking of me before his own gratification. But now I was worried about him, I had felt his erection pressing against my crotch earlier and knew he needed relief.

"But, what about you Love?"

"I'll take care of it. But there is one thing I want to do first."

At that, he rolled me over onto my back and raised his hand up to my blouse, then he began to leisurely undo the buttons until the front was completely open, revealing my bra and flat stomach. Between my martial arts practice and cheerleading, I had a very toned stomach. He made a growling noise in the back of his throat which sent delightful shivers down my spine.

It took a bit of wiggling, and his help, but I was able to get out of my blouse and toss it to the side. Noah lay there looking at my bra clad breasts. I grasped the elastic where the clasp was in front of the bra with one hand and, stretching it slightly, separated the hooks from the loops and then released it, letting it flap open. Still with my eyes on him, I worked my bra off my shoulders and then lay there in front of him, topless.

When my boobs became visible to him, he drew in a deep breath and then growled again. My nipples had been erect before, but when the cool night air hit them, they popped up even more. He made no move to touch them, and I didn't know why. Decision made, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my right breast. His hand was so warm, and it sent a delightful shiver down my back.

When I had his attention I said, "I would never tease you to be mean. And while I might not be ready, it doesn't mean we can't do it on the spur of the moment. It seems more romantic like that anyway."

My man had been so patient and understanding that I wanted to do something for him, so I asked, "If you would like, I could take care of it for you. But you'll have to help me."

The words were scarcely out of my mouth when he released my breast and he had his pants down and off, leaving him in his boxers. I could see how hard he was, straining against his underwear. The tip sticking out of his leg hole and my eyes widened when I saw how large he was. He quickly pulled his boxers off and he was now nude from the waist down, his manhood completely bared to my sight.

His dark pubes partially masking the base of his shaft, with a trail going from the top up to his belly button. I swallowed hard, unable to take my eyes off his length and I felt my sphincter pucker. The thought that maybe I should use the dildo my mom bought me first flashed through my mind.

He pulled me close like we were before we started making out with him on his back and me on my side facing him. He took my hand and placed it on his shaft. It was scalding hot, but soft and smooth. At least on the surface, underneath it was like a metal pipe, hard and inflexible. He lightly squeezed my hand, making my fingers wrap around him, at least part of the way, he was too big around for my fingers to go much more than halfway around him. He slowly moved my hand up until it was near the tip, and I could see something glistening there. Then he moved my hand down, stopping when the skin went taut. He did it again, then let go. I continued pumping him, trying to keep the same pace he'd set up.

I was elated when I heard him start grunting and groaning, knowing I was making him feel good. "Faster!" He grunted. I went a little faster and saw the glistening drop I'd seen drip down onto his stomach. I started pumping him even faster, trying to make Noah feel even better. I must have been doing something right because he started moving his hips sideways and, every once in a while, he'd thrust up into my hand. He began to sound like he was lifting heavy weights and I pumped even faster. I whispered to him, "I love you Noah" and he gave a huge grunt and he stiffened, his cock swelled slightly in my hand and then when it twitched, Noah cried out my name.

A huge rope of white erupted from the tip of his cock and arched high into the air before falling onto his tee shirt and stomach. I jerked slightly in surprise but didn't stop. He jerked again, followed by another rope spewing forth, this one ended up shooting my way and landed on my upper arm and shoulder. It felt like hot gravy for a second before it cooled. He came two more times, each one not going as far as the previous shot. I was enthralled.

I kept pumping until there was nothing coming out, streams of his cum all over his tee shirt, some in his pubes. And me, I had it on my boob where it had dripped off my arm and shoulder along with my hand, which was now completely coated in his semen. Noah collapsed on the blanket, breathing heavy, and I was still holding on to him. I started kissing his chest while he recovered. Minutes later he hadn't softened, and I grumbled when he took my hand off of him.

"If you keep kissing me and touching my cock it'll never go down."

"And that would be a bad thing?"

"No, but we need to stop now or else."

"Or else, what?" I asked facetiously.

"Or else you won't go home a virgin."

I seriously considered whether I wanted to stop or not.

"Did I do good?" I asked, hoping that I had. I didn't want to deprive my boyfriend too much.

"You were awesome my Love."

The wind shifted and I could smell something strange. Sniffing my shoulder, I realized that it was Noah's cum. I've always been curious, so I licked my shoulder, tasting his cream. It had a salty flavor that reminded me a lot of raw oysters, but it wasn't bad. The consistency was a little strange, but I could deal with that. The really weird thing was that it seemed to stick to the inside of my mouth and throat, like I'd need something to drink to get rid of it. I cleaned the rest of it off my arm, getting used to the taste.

"You need to stop that before I do something I'll regret." Noah said in a growly kind of voice.

I stopped cleaning myself and looked at him. His eyes were hot on me, and I realized that what I was doing was turning him on. I dropped my eyes, not having meant to tease him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tease you."

"It's just watching you do that was so hot! The taste doesn't bother you? It does some girls."

"Not really. I don't really care for how it seems to coat my mouth and throat though. I need something to drink to get rid of it."

"Damn!"

"What?" I asked, wondering if I did something wrong.

"I'm so lucky."

I smiled. "Yes, you are!"

We picked up our clothes along with the blankets and went inside. We cleaned up in the bathroom and put the clothes in the washer. Noah went to the small fridge, and I saw it was stocked with coke and root beer! He did love me! His cum made the root beer taste funny for the first few swallows, but then it was okay. We got dressed and sat on the couch.

"I wasn't going to stick my hands in your panties, but I got carried away. Sorry."

"That's okay, I didn't mind. It meant a lot to me when you touched my boy parts and didn't kick me to the curb."

"Never going to happen, I told you that. I'm tempted to spank you for doubting me... again. That makes three you owe me."

"Would you really spank me Love?" I wanted to know. Again, just curious.

"Unless you used the code word."

Okay, so he really was into that. I needed to read those books! I was going to cuddle up against him, but he pulled me into his lap, so I just curled up and snuggled.

"You like me being in your lap like this?"

"Yeah, makes me feel like I have you and get to keep you."

"I already told you; you have me. For as long as you want me."

"So, I have you."

"Yes."

"All of you?"

"Yes."

"So, put another way, you belong to me."

"Mmm. Possessive aren't you? I like that!"

He didn't say anything, just hugged me and kissed the top of my head. The only hurdle left was for him to see me completely naked, but things were looking good.

Noah still got me home before 10. Our make out session was back to its usual intensity. We'd done more together than ever before, and I felt accomplished. My mom had stayed up waiting for me since I didn't say I'd be out late.

"Did you have fun Sweetheart?"

Oh my god yes!

"Yeah mom, we had a lot of fun."

"Were you safe?"

"Still a virgin."

Although it was a close call tonight. I thought to myself.

I wondered what she will do when I end up saying something like "Yes mom, we were."

I knew that day was coming, probably sooner than I expected, I would just like to at least hold out until The Gala, the Sophomore version of Prom. I kissed her good night, went upstairs and showered, hoping that I had gotten all of Noah's seed off of me.

I opened the package and lay in bed reading the first one. It was a slave training manual, but it explained the lifestyle from both viewpoints. It was very informative, explaining different terms and their meanings, and even included as sample slave contract. It only took a little over two hours to finish it, and by the end I knew that I liked the Dom/sub variant more than the Master/slave version. And I didn't identify as a Dom, I just hoped that Noah did.

Then I spent an hour going through the book with a pencil, marking passages and making notes. Things like 'sounds good' or 'try?'. Areas where they were talking about kink, such as scat, I put a small face throwing up and the word 'disgusting'. The same for golden showers. On things like 'branding' I wrote a resounding 'NO'!

When I finished, I put the book in the purse I'd take on dates with Noah. That was the only time I used that purse anyway. It was almost two in the morning, so I went to sleep, resolved to read the other book the first chance I got. As I lay there in the dark, my mind went back to Noah and to the dildo in the top of my closet. The smart thing to do would be to make myself ready to have sex with Noah, but my heart wanted me to give myself to him untouched. We could just have to be very careful.

oooOOOooo

"Anything new in your life Kayleigh?" Carla asked.

"Ah, wow. Let me break it down in sections. School... our head cheerleader got outed by our cheer coach, now almost everyone in school is going to know she's pregnant. As if she didn't have enough stress already. Glee is back together after Sue tried to split us up. Her and Mr. Schue had a war over us, but it ended in a peace treaty, and she's stepped down as co-director. I'm positive I've passed all my tests and Ms. Baker, my French teacher, has made me her teacher's aide."

"Congratulations! I'm glad to see you've weathered more of high school life."

"Thank you. On the personal level, it's both good and bad. I've pretty much been outed as bi at school. My girlfriend, Sandra, came out to her mother as bi and we're not allowed to spend the night together anymore, so I only see her at school. We share Noah as a boyfriend though. After she came out to her mom, she French kissed me during lunch in the cafeteria after kissing Noah so now everyone thinks I'm a girl with a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I had a perv try to say in his blog that I was sleeping with both of them until I'd threatened him with a lawsuit."

Carla didn't comment like she usually did so I answered as if she had.

"No, I haven't slept with either of them. Although Noah and I are getting close. He's touched my boy parts and we're still together. Oh! And he sent me flowers before our date last night, lots of flowers!"

"I didn't ask."

"No, but I could hear you thinking." I said lightly, joking with her a little.

"Ha. And 'ha' again." She made me giggle. Probably on purpose. "Any concerns you are worried about?"

"Not really. I would have outed myself already, but I don't want to ruin things for Noah. He still seems intent on marrying me, even though I told him we're too young."

"Are you measuring your youth by age, or by maturity? You know there's a test you can take that measures your emotional IQ? Your maturity level?"

Color me surprised.

"No, I didn't. Could I take one?"

"I'll send one home with you, but you can't cheat."

"Never!"

"Okay, but for now I can tell you that maturity has little to do with actual physical age. Take the term 'man-child' for instance. It's used to describe a man who has never really grown up, like a 35-year-old man still living in his parents' basement and just plays video games all day. Then there are numerous instances where a 14- or 15-year-old gets a job to support their family while still going to school and getting a diploma."

"But from what I've been able to find out, only 57% of relationships that begin in high school last past graduation, and of those that do, only 28% get married after getting their degree."

"61%"

"Huh?"

"You're falling into the classic mistake that some scientists make. You make a hypothesis and then either stop your research when you find the answers you expected, or you ignore data that contradicts what you expected to find. 61% is the number of adult marriages that last. 39% of marriages end in divorce, so your 57% isn't that bad, only 4% difference. So let me ask you Kayleigh. What are you really afraid of?"

Oh god, she's right! I found the facts I needed to support my viewpoint and then stopped looking.

"Are you worried you won't beat the odds? Kayleigh, you've already beaten them. You're a transgender girl with a boyfriend and a girlfriend, you're a straight 'A' student, a cheerleader on a national championship team, and you're probably going to be inundated with scholarships when you get to your junior and senior year. I think you could beat any odds you set your mind to."

I tried to gather my runaway thoughts. Why was I so against getting married? Even legal adults can't seem to get it right almost four times out of ten. So why was I so against getting married? At any age? My mom was getting married to a wonderful man, and I'm happy for her because she deserves to be happy. Don't I deserve to be happy? Shouldn't I take the chance? If I give my all and it doesn't work out, then at least I would know that I did everything I could. And I knew why my views were so negative, what was making me so scared.

"My parents' marriage."

"What about it?"

"I thought they were so in love, that everything would always be the way it was, and we'd be a happy family. I was even hoping for a little sister or brother. Then they divorced and I found out it was because my dad cheated. I'm worried I'll end up like that."

"I'm sure that almost every married couple feel that way at times. Remember my advice... live. Take life in both hands and squeeze every drop of happiness you can get from it. Nothing in life is guaranteed, just gather your courage and take a leap of faith."

"We went out last night and I almost pushed him too far, on purpose." I told her, my face starting to burn.

"And when you didn't?"

"Kinda relieved, kinda disappointed, both."

"Would you like to elaborate on that?

"Uh, well, I was kinda relieved when we didn't have full blown sex because I'm not really sure if I'm ready to or not. But, on the other hand, I really wanted to."

"Kayleigh, you have to remember that, even though you're taking female hormones, they're still hormones. And, since girls tend to mature faster than boys you are probably physically and emotionally ready to have sex, just not intellectually."

"So, what do I do?"

"That's going to be up to you. When you're ready, you'll know it."

"That's not very helpful."

"That's life Kayleigh. Just make the best decision you can. Remember, do what feels right, not just what feels good. But... remember to live as well."

That didn't help.

The last bit of information that Carla gave me was that she was going to move or sessions to once every other month since I seemed to be handling the transition better now.

XXXXXX

"What's that you've got in your hand Sweetheart?"

"It's an emotional IQ test. It's supposed to measure your maturity level. I got one for Noah too."

"Because..."

"I just want to see where we place on the scale."

"I see. Okay."

I was so glad she dropped that line of questioning. She was a smart woman and I'm sure she figured out why I wanted to know, but at least she didn't make me say it out loud.

I sat at my desk and looked at the thin packet of papers sealed with a little paper disk. The title read, 'Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test'. I took my pencil and used it to break the seal and open it to the first page, which turned out to be the instructions. I looked over to Nagini and said, "Wish me luck girl!" as I began.

Question 1 – I am able to identify and express my emotions. Well, much better now that what I used to before Noah, Sandra, and I got together, so the answer would now be 'Very Often'. I continued through all 15 questions before I closed it, remembering what Carla had told me about cheating. I had to giggle, there was no way to really cheat on the test, her little joke I guess. Now, I needed Noah to take it as well, so I put his next to my date purse.