"Dale, don't you have that… thing?", I probe him.
Rusty had left for the night to go out for dinner with Dana. And to my knowledge Dale had a rush event, which still blew my mind that he had a sudden change of heart for the Greek system, but I didn't dare ask. Dale could really talk.
"I get it Casey, you don't have to go through all this subtext. You feel awkward around me when it's just us and Rusty's gone, especially now that you're single", He says with a slight smirk.
"What?", I try not to laugh. "No I just… truthfully Cappie is supposed to come over in a few minutes to talk about things y'know".
I give him a look.
"Oh now he wants to tend to the girl he got pregnant's needs? Quite possibly the most beautiful pregnant girl in the world I might add", He looks at me with a smile and I have to hid the way I'm cringing. "Has anyone told you that? That you're even more beautiful now that you're pregnant?"
"Um… no actually, no one's really said that but it means a lot, thanks Dale. Mostly I just think I look like I have a beer belly", I laugh. "Like you can't really tell if I'm pregnant or just put on some weight".
"I think you look like the ancient goddess Aphrodite. Especially in the upper part, the breast and neck part", He gives me a smile that makes me cringe on the inside. I sure didn't have Dale talking about my boobs on my bingo card for tonight.
I stifle an awkward laugh.
"I'm just gonna… go grab something from Rusty's room, I think I left my… necklace in there", I come up with an excuse but luckily, to my relief, the doorbell rings.
Dale gets up.
"It's okay Dale, I'll get it", I give him a curt smile.
"Alright Casey, but I'm right here to referee this thing if it goes south", Dale stands with his arms crossed behind me.
I had never wished that I had my own apartment as much as I did right now.
I open the door to see him standing there. His usual plaid, loosely buttoned up shirt, jeans, black boots, mismatched silver rings, tall stature.
"Hey Case", He says with a slightly anxious look and then I see him look behind me. "And… Dale?"
"Cappie", is all Dale says, arms still crossed, glaring.
"Daley hey, how was your summer?", Cappie tries to make conversation as I invite him in.
"Well it was better than Casey's, I presume", He continues his angry act.
"Dale", I say, looking over at him with a look that I hope can convey 'can you please get out of here!?'
But because it's Dale he probably doesn't read girlcode looks.
"Yeah I uh… just found out this afternoon. Me and Casey were gonna talk about it. I want to hear more about your summer and the-", Cappie starts.
"The bastard child? Your bastard child", Dale cuts him off.
"Dale c'mon we've been over this, you don't have to call her that", I roll my eyes.
"Yeah c'mon, we're your friends man. You don't have to say stuff like that to Case", Cappie towers over him and Dale backs off slightly until Cappie looks back at me, surprise on his face. "Wait… her?"
"Oh… um yeah", I nod, my heart racing when we meet each others gaze. I wanted to share moments like this with him. I had wished he was there with me when I found out it was a girl. But I tried to remind myself it wasn't too late. "I didn't tell you earlier, but it's a girl".
I put my hand on my stomach instinctively.
"Wow", He says, quietly, looking at me like he completely forgets Dale's in the room. I almost am sure Cappie has a slight smile. Or just a figment of my imagination out of my delusion of wanting him to be smiling.
"Before today actually, I'd offered to Casey to marry her, raise the baby as my own", Dale cuts in on the moment. "Because none of us were sure you'd step up. Sure you're the go-to guy to throw a party, even a loyal book club member, but what are your intentions with Casey?"
I would roll my eyes again but sometimes I couldn't get over the pure hilarity of Dale. The fact he was dead serious about all this stuff. I guess it was just the way he was raised.
"My intentions?", Cappie laughs.
"Yeah Dale, I appreciate it but I can take care of myself, remember we talked about this?", I cut in, moving past the two of them and sitting on the couch. My back hurt.
"I know you said you'd raise her alone but my offer still stands no matter what Mr. Kappa Tau has to offer you. You could become Mrs. Dale Ian Kettlewell in a heartbeat and I would do the noble thing and move past the fact that the baby isn't mine", Dale moves his glasses up on his nose, speaking stoically. "Even if people will probably wonder why her IQ won't be as high as mine".
Before I can speak Cappie does.
"That's nice of you to offer but she's not raising the baby alone, it has a dad", Cappie says to him. "I mean, she, she has a dad. So no need to do that Dale".
Cappie puts his hand on Dale's shoulder good naturedly and moves past him to come sit beside me. I can't help the butterflies his words make me feel. They're confirmation that I had no reason to be so scared that I'd be doing this alone.
I give Cappie a look and we both struggle to not laugh.
"I'll be in my room then. If you hear sounds of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, that's just what I study to", He walks past us, honing in on Cappie. "Because I actually study".
"Good job bro", Cappie smiles at him, which I can tell only aggravates Dale more. He stalks away, and closes his bedroom door slightly louder than he needs to.
When we're sure it's closed and Beethoven starts to play me and Cappie look at each other and can't help but burst out laughing.
"Wow you really must be missing ZBZ right now", Cappie laughs.
"Yeah I am. But trust me, Dale is pretty tame compared to what the girls will probably say", I feel dread even thinking about the sororities on campus finding out. "Dale means well… I think".
"He just has a crush on you", Cappie laughs.
"Well if you came over here tonight to say you were totally uninterested in the baby I might be planning a farmhouse chic wedding with Dale. His words, not mine", I giggle.
"No need to do that… because I'm… in", Cappie smiles slightly, probably nervously. "It's gonna be really scary but I want to do this with you. I can't believe this happened but it has and I think we can do it Case".
"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that", I feel almost giddy. "I um… I actually tried to get an abortion back in the Spring. Rusty, of all people, came with me. But as soon as they did an ultrasound I- I just couldn't do it so… here we are".
I have a hard time looking at him when I say that last part.
He leans in closer to me.
"It's okay that you couldn't do it… I just wish you'd told me back then because I could've gone to the appointments with you. I would've liked to do that. Even if I'd have had to stay somewhere in Chicago. Or we could've stayed here for the summer, found an apartment or something", He says, a glint in his eye.
"I know, I was being a coward. I felt like… I had to hide it and do it on my own for some reason. I was… kind of in bad shape over the summer. I had such bad morning sickness", I explain and see his slightly confused face. Oh right. He's a guy. "That's when you're just really nauseous and throw up a lot in the first trimester. So I could barely eat anything and when I got back to Chicago and set up with an OBGYN, I had actually lost weight rather than gained it. Part of it was I was just really depressed about everything with us. That's how I spent my summer Cap, sick and depressed".
I sigh, trying to explain to Cappie what he'd missed.
"I'm sorry", He puts his hand on my knee. "If I'd have known…"
"I know. It's better now that I'm in the second trimester. But for awhile there I felt really stupid, like I'd made a big mistake by going through with the pregnancy and I started to look at adoption, kind of by the suggestion of my parents, but um…", I start to get teary eyed now. Stupid hormones. "But when they told me two weeks ago that it was a girl…."
Cappie can see that I'm emotional and he scoots closer to me slightly.
"That made it more real for me, knowing that she was in there and depending on me. And I just realized I couldn't give her away. And now I just imagine what she'll be like all the time", I smile slightly as a tear runs down my cheek. "Sorry I didn't want to cry again".
"It's okay Casey", He says softly and I look at his face. It was a familiar look, it was the way he usually looked at me right before he would lean in to kiss me. I wished so much that he would, but maybe that was selfish. Maybe it would only complicate things.
He looks down then and finds my hand and grabs it, which at this moment might even rival the intimacy of a kiss.
"Knowing it's a girl makes it more real for me too", He laughs slightly looking down before looking up at my eyes. "Scary too. Especially considering one of you is already giving me a run for my money… or rather, my sanity".
He jokes with me now and I hit his arm softly.
"I'm sorry. I know I've been just handling this the total wrong way", I say.
"It's… it doesn't matter now. Clean slate, Case. I promise. From here on out everything is for her", He says, our eyes looking right into each others.
I smile then, the biggest I have in a while.
"That's how I feel too. I just want to get along and do the best we can for her. Talking to you and knowing now that you want to be apart of her life is really nice to hear," I say.
"Of course I want to be apart of her life", He says like it's obvious. "And… yours. That's kind of what I was coming to say to you today before you told me you're pregnant".
I perk up then, wanting to hear this.
"I know it was wrong but I avoided you for so long because I didn't want to have that final conversation, that final goodbye. I physically couldn't say goodbye to you", He explains. "I was coming to tell you that I didn't want to be out of your life, that maybe we could find a way to work long distance. I want to be in your life Casey, I've always wanted to".
"Well", I can't help but smile. "Now you always will… she's gonna need both her parents forever".
He nods.
"I was also going to ask you…", He gives me a smirk now, his tone changing from the serious words he was speaking for once in his life back to his usual self. "When did we… conceive her?"
"Aw Cap, did you learn that word today?", I tease him with a laugh.
"Beaver actually read it online when I told him you were pregnant", Cappie says, matter of fact. "He knows his way around Google better than you'd think for someone that just ate a brown crayon last week because he thought it was beef jerky".
I giggle at his remark.
"It was in Myrtle Beach… you know what night I'm talking about right?", I give him an awkward look and he thinks for a moment.
"Oh…. Yeah", He smiles, looking off into the distance. "That night".
"Yeah", I'm aware I must be blushing, as I suddenly feel my cheeks hot next to him, able to hear my own heart beat.
"You were crazy that night", He laughs.
"Tequila will do that to you", I give him a look, crossing my arms over one another like I'm defending myself. "Plus I…. I found out I didn't get into CRU and I just… wanted us to last forever. I didn't want to accept that maybe we had an expiration date".
"So you acted out by having drunken sex with me…. what was it again? 4 times?", Cappie laughs, teasing me now.
I grab a pillow from beside me on the couch and hit him with it.
"It was 3 and I didn't hear you complaining", I point my finger at him and he puts his hands up.
"I wasn't saying I did", He says, smirking back, his cheeks red.
He looks down at me and I feel it. The feeling I always feel with him. I could never escape it, and over the summer I had wondered if it was really one hundred percent over between us. Too far gone, beyond repair. But obviously it was going to take a lot more to really make this final with us, really make us throw in the towel forever. Maybe nothing ever would.
My eyes are focused on him and we sit like that for a few moments.
"Ow!", I let out, ruining what could've been the first kiss between us in months. My hand immediately goes to my lower stomach.
"What? What's going on? You okay?", Cappie looks at me worriedly.
"I don't …. I don't know but I'm pretty sure she just kicked", I put my other hand over my mouth in surprise as I start to feel around for her on my stomach to feel it again.
"Wait really? Has she done that before?", He looks at me, eyes wide.
"No, but they told me it could happen at 20 weeks so I've been wondering if she would. There was a couple times I thought it might be her, but it was just my food digesting or nervousness… this time I know it was her", I say quickly, almost frantically, elated and scared all at once.
"Wow…", He looks scared too. "Hey Case… you think she kicked for the first time because I'm here?"
I look back at him to see his usual joking smile and I shake my head at him as if to say that the entire notion is crazy.
"What? That's not that crazy to think! She's probably really smart, like you. She can sense her dad is finally around", Cappie explains and I giggle.
I never forgot how much Cappie could make me laugh, but I never realized that I missed it this much.
"Sure Cap, I'll let you have this one", I say, my cheeks hot.
"It's just science Cartwright", He says, his blue eyes shining.
God I really wanted to kiss him. But I didn't want to muddy things up for the baby. Me and Cappie being friends was always good, always secure. And I wanted her childhood to be secure.
Maybe that's all we should be right now. It didn't mean I didn't still love him. Didn't still want to push this very uncomfortable futon out and pull him down and start kissing him and just not stop. Part of my feelings right now weren't me and were more so my pregnancy hormones going crazy in the second trimester making me want sex more than I ever have. And low and behold I have no one to do that with.
I snap myself out of those thoughts.
"What, are you a science major now?", I tease him.
"Philosophy actually", He says slowly, like he's worried to tell me.
"Cap… are you being serious?"
"One hundred percent. And… I wasn't going to tell you until I knew for sure but I looked at my class credits this afternoon… and if everything goes to plan, I'm gonna graduate this semester. I always had the credits I just didn't know if I could leave. But with the baby, and the guys, well mainly your brother, giving me a pretty good pep talk, I'm all set to talk to my academic advisor about it in a few days", He says, looking happy, looking proud.
"Cap!", I squeal and practically lunge myself onto him, hugging him. "I can't believe this".
"Me too Case", I hear his voice in my ear as we hug.
"You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to", I say seriously, moving away to talk to him face to face. "I don't want you to resent me. Or us, I mean".
I refer to the baby.
"I want to, I promise. I was just scared that I was going to lose my family and the place I'd lived in the longest", He explains, referring to KT and his brothers. "But I can keep that family and… now I have a real one… with you guys".
He gestures to my belly.
"Thank you Cap", I whisper, hoping he knows I really mean it. "It would be pretty cool if she would kick again right now right?"
"It would, it would definitely feel like a seal of approval from her. That she's happy her dad isn't going to be a 40 year old fraternity brother like people thought", Cappie jokes.
"For the record… I never thought that", I say softly.
He smiles at me then.
"Thanks Casey", he says and I don't even realize that he's squeezing my hand.
This day has gone so much better than I could've ever imagined.
We hear the door open behind us as what I believe is now Bach is playing. But I could be wrong. All those composers sounded the same to me.
"Everything still okay Casey? You don't need me to throw him out of here, rough him up a bit on the way out?", Dale asks.
"No", I laugh. "We're good Dale. Thanks though".
"Alright keep me updated", He closes his door again without making eye contact with Cappie.
Cappie gives me a look and it eases some of the awkward tension left between us to laugh.
"You know I feel kind of betrayed, I really thought Dale liked me", He laughs.
"I guess boobs will just always win over male bonding", I say, matter of fact.
"Yeah not just boobs… boobs times a thousand", He mutters slightly.
"What was that?", I laugh. "Did you just make a comment about my new… body changes?"
I'm teasing him now just for the fun of it and he gives me an all knowing glare.
"It's not my fault that none of my old bras fit, it's just happened in the last few weeks", I sigh, adjusting my top slightly to which I can see Cappie's eyes wavering before he shakes his head and his eyes stay up at my eyeline, actually being mature for a change.
"Nope, not gonna work missy. I know you think that I'm easy like that but…", his sentence is met with a deadpan look from me and then a laugh from him. "Okay what I mean to say is you're not going to seduce me into forgetting about the fact that you're supposed to be leaving tomorrow. And I've only had you back here for like… 48 hours, and we've only been talking about an hour out of those 48".
"Maybe you are growing up", I admit.
"Right? I'm trying", He says. "For you. And now… for her too".
He gestures to my stomach when he says that.
"Although…", He says, getting that smirk back and his voice hushed. "If we finish this conversation and have everything worked out, it wouldn't be the worst thing if-"
"Yeah not on a futon in my brothers apartment with Dale 20 feet away", I cut him off. "But nice to know that me being fat isn't a huge turnoff for you".
I speak casually of my new insecurities because I don't want him to think I'm feeling upset about the way my stomach isn't flat like it used to be. Not when that's the least of our problems right now.
"You're not fat", Cappie says immediately. "Seriously Case. You're growing a baby, so that just means you're healthy for you and her".
"Thanks Cap", I smile contently.
"Case I feel like… Rusty and Dale, they're mad at me for getting you pregnant. I mean Rusty is running against me for president… for you", He says and I can tell it's bothering him.
"They're not mad at you, I promise. If you would have known how mad Rusty was at me this summer…", I shake my head. "Cap he would barely talk to me because of how I was shutting you out. He may be my brother, but he's also your best friend".
He looks like his mood is uplifted by me saying that.
"And don't worry about Dale, I think he's mostly just upset because of his beliefs y'know", I speak in a hushed tone now. "I've had to hear about God's plan for the past two days now, at least he doesn't know I almost didn't keep her, then he would go into his rant about all of gods creations and sin, and blah blah blah".
We laugh then.
"Thanks Case", He nods. "I- I really missed you. A lot. There's no one I can really talk to like this. Obviously there's the KT guys but…"
He trails off.
"I missed you too", I nod. "I'm just happy we're… talking again. Even if she's the only reason why".
I draw along my small belly with my fingers and I can see him eyeing it through my tank top, nervousness present on his face.
"So I guess what I really wanted to ask you tonight was… ", He takes a gulp in as if he knows this is going to be hard to say. "I kind of asked Rusty what your plans were and he said that you were going to go back to Chicago and have the baby there?"
He looks at me, heartbroken before I can even confirm it to him.
"I… I really don't want to", I say softly.
"Then, then… don't", He says.
"Cap it's not that easy, my mom and dad are there to help look after her when she's born and- "
"Yeah but I'll help you take care of her when she's born", He cuts in before I can list more reasons.
"I know that now, but before tonight… I really didn't know if you were going to be involved and I couldn't take care of her all by myself here while everyone is in class", I say. "But now that I know that you want to…"
He looks sad for a moment and I immediately want to say whatever I can to make things okay.
"I just can't believe you thought I wouldn't be here for you… is that really why you didn't tell me Case?", his blue eyes are full of hurt.
"I'm sorry… I let my fear get the best of me. We never talked about what we would do if I got pregnant and I just assumed…", I sigh. "You didn't even want to graduate college, I didn't think you would want a baby… Especially with how things were between us".
He makes sure to make eye contact with me before he says his piece.
"That's not true at all", He says immediately. "Casey… for all these years you've been my… my purpose. Of course I'd want a baby with you. Not this soon but… what's done is done and I wouldn't have been mad, even though we weren't together, I would've dropped everything. It hurts that you think I'd be the type of guy to just abandon you guys".
"I'm sorry", I say, my eyes teary now at his confession. "Why don't- why don't we just agree to communicate from now on and… try to trust each other?"
I suggest, wiping the stray tear from my eyelashes.
"I think that sounds like a good idea", He nods. "And maybe this is selfish to ask of you but… I can't not say anything. Case please don't go".
He looks at me, pleading now, and I see his eyes get wet with tears pooling in them.
"I've already missed too much. If you leave, then I'm coming with you", He reiterates.
"Okay", I say, nodding. "I'm not going to be anywhere you're not, I promise".
He smiles then, a look of relief coming over his face.
"Besides my mom and dad want me to name her after my grandma Bertha Ann", I giggle through my emotions.
"That's gotta be the worst name I've ever heard", Cappie laughs. "We can't let that happen".
"No I don't think we can", I agree with him, a smile unrelentingly forming on my face. "It's basically child abuse".
"So you're staying?"
"I'm staying", I say with a smile that quickly fades when I come back to real life. "Except for the fact that I have nowhere to stay, no doctor here… no job. Over the summer I was working for my moms office doing reception and I was… going to continue that until right before I have her".
"You shouldn't be working over the next few months anyway, I can find something. We can find you a doctor, and we can find a place for lease right in this building or you can stay with me", He suggests like it's no problem.
"You always have an answer for everything", I give him a look.
"It's one of the best things about me", He smirks. "It's all gonna work out".
"I hate to break it to you but my parents aren't gonna be so into 'karmic synergy' Cap", I laugh. "In fact they probably will think I've joined a cult while I'm here if I speak those words to them on the phone".
"I know what your parents probably think…", Cappie sighs. "They hate me right?"
"Well… you're not their favorite person", I shrug, trying to sugarcoat it. "But don't worry I took all the responsibility and very awkwardly told them that I was the instigator that night on spring break".
Cappie laughs at that.
"And they believed you?"
"Well… I don't know. But I tried", I offer with a shrug and then groan, laying my head down behind me. "They're going to be so mad at me when I tell them I'm not coming home".
"Well… probably no more mad at you than when you told them you were pregnant", Cappie offers as solace. I prop my feet up on the couch, my knees resting in his lap.
"You tired?"
I nod getting comfy.
"You shouldn't be sleeping on a futon Case, you're pregnant, it's probably not even that comfortable", Cappie says.
"It's just temporary", I say like it's no big deal.
"I'm surprised your wannabe husband didn't offer you his bed", Cappie scoffs.
"Oh he did", I sit up for a moment to look at him. "It's just… the offer came with him in it too".
I cringe at the thought and we laugh slightly until I lay my head down again. Being pregnant made me get exhausted by 10pm these days.
"No this is not gonna work, I can't watch this", Cappie shakes his head and gets off the couch.
"Cappie", I groan. "It's fine. I'm fine. We can keep talking in the morning. I have to change into my pajamas and-"
"No, you should get to sleep in a real bed. You can sleep in mine, it's like a 5 minute drive".
"And sleep in sheets you've banged some other chick in?", I open my eyes wide at him now, swatting his hands away as he tries to pick me up. "I know how the yearly toga party usually goes for you, I'm not stupid".
I give him a look.
"Casey… I swear to you", He pauses and then laughs slightly. "It was literally the most lame party for me. After your brother informed me that I was going to lose you, I went up to my room at like midnight and just looked at photos of us over the past few years trying to figure out how the hell I was gonna say goodbye to you this morning".
I give him a surprised smile, my heart fluttering.
"Well… now you don't have to", I nod, trying not to let on how happy I am to hear his answer.
"So… does my bed sound good to you then?"
"No, too tired", I shake my head. "I'll be fine here".
He looks at me for a moment, I assume trying to take no for an answer, but it doesn't work because he just shakes his head and continues to look dissatisfied.
"Yeah no, we're just gonna take Spitter's bed for you", He gets up and walks over to his room and I just come to the terms with the fact that until I was sleeping in a real bed this man would not be happy.
Cappie turns on Rusty's light and lifts the covers open on Rusty's bed.
"Cap, look, this is what an actual made bed looks like", I tease him in my tired stupor.
"Exactly, a bed. Which is what a pregnant girl deserves to sleep on", He says while fluffing up the pillow and looks at me while I climb in.
I don't object, and he's right, it's a lot comfier. So much so, that I don't even know how I was sleeping on the futon these past two nights.
"Alright, now I can leave with peace of mind", He says.
"Night Cap", I smile at him for caring and then shut my eyes.
"Night. And Case?"
"Mmm hmm?", I mumble tiredly into the pillow.
"Thanks for telling me. I forgot to say that", He says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
I look at him for a moment.
"Thanks for giving me a reason to stay", I say quietly.
He nods with a smile.
I close my eyes again and a few moments later I feel him get off the bed and head to the door.
"I saw you looking at my boobs just now", I whisper before he leaves.
"Your eyes were-"
"Closed? Not completely", I laugh and look up at him to see him shake his head.
"Talk to you tomorrow Juno", He makes fun of me before exiting the room.
Jokes on him, I think. We're 22, not 16 and in a teenage pregnancy indie film.