Any good story of this type is all about questions and answers, and while this story's quality may end up being debatable I feel that it's important to not get off on the wrong foot. So let's start from there.

Do you have a favourite number?

To be honest I don't think that most people bother thinking about stuff like this all that much, so it's okay if you don't have an answer. I don't either.

I think if you were to ask certain types, you might get an overly passionate answer something along the lines of "I love the number one, because I can't be satisfied with any place other than first!"

Unfortunately, I'm not the type that can casually dispense overly confident lines like that, so if you're more interested in someone that upbeat you'll have to look elsewhere. Let's flip things over a little.

Do you have a least favourite number?

If the first question was sure to only get a few responses, then this one is guaranteed exponentially fewer. Though I guess somewhat predictably, I can answer this one.

It's three. Think about it from my perspective.

If you asked most people where they'd least like to place in a race, you'd probably get told either second or last. Second because it's the place after first, last should be obvious enough.

But from my wealth of experience as a loser, the worst place is always third.

Sure, getting second might be frustrating but it means that you were just that close to winning. Each place after second is only close to having been close to winning, such a luxury isn't afforded.

You might argue that in most winning lives, the top three girls all get to sing, so it's not that bad. But I've always seen it as a worse punishment. You lost and you've still got to sing and dance, you don't even get the comfort of being in the background that a backup dancer has.

Well, maybe the real reason I hate it is because I can't expect anything better. It seems to be a number that rules over my entire life.

On that note, let's move on from all this complaining and get to the last question.

What do you think of great detectives?

The type that can just waltz in and solve a complex mystery as though it's nothing. The type that takes a few seemingly unrelated pieces of information and uses them to arrive at the truth. The type that solves locked room mysteries with the same effort an average person would need to solve something on the level of a crossword puzzle, maybe even less.

I think that everyone has an image of them in their mind. A friend of mine once mentioned that the earliest recorded complaint about the butler being the culprit precedes the earliest recorded case of it. Even if you've never seen a mystery story before, you should at least have an idea.

That's a first-rate great detective.

I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that a second-rate great detective would probably be a normal detective. The type that exists in real life. Finding out the details about affairs, missing people, the more menial work. Locked room mysteries and the like are quite hard to come by, so I guess most of them have to settle for more normal jobs if they want to put food on the table.

A step below that would be the third-rate detective. The bottom of the barrel. All they have left to solve is the stuff even more boring than the second-rates. Missing items, matters of the heart, etc.

You won't find anything interesting or dramatic here. My life isn't the type where murders occur everywhere I go. The world I live in isn't filled with any conniving criminals who'll dramatically break down screaming once under enough pressure. You won't even get the excitement of me investigating a spicy affair case, I'm afraid.

This is the mundane story of a horse girl that can't seem to win even a single G1.
This is the mundane story of a detective that doesn't solve anything interesting enough to be worth telling the story of.
Hence, the story of a bronze detective.

I really can't stress this point enough. This is nothing more than a whole lot about nothing.

If you find yourself bored then you've only got yourself to blame, okay? You can't say that I didn't warn you.

Okay, I think that's enough of an introduction.

"Nature! Look at this!"

"I can see it, I just can't believe it."

The definition of a hamburger has gotten rather loose other the years, hasn't it? The exact origins are unclear, but the idea that it all seemed to form from was some beef and bread on both sides of it. Then people started throwing extra things in, changing what meat they used, changing the buns and it all probably got a bit out of hand around there.

What lay before me was the terrifying end result of people's boundless appetite for experimentation. That thing was far too big to be called a burger. Too big, too thick, too heavy, though I guess the one bit of solace to be found was that it would've been difficult to say it was too rough. It was more like a large hunk of meat.

Completely obscured from my vision behind the abomination of a burger was Twin Turbo, though unable to see her I had no doubt she was grinning proudly.

"Turbo's gonna eat all of this!"

It was at least the same size as Turbo. In a way, this was my fault. I shouldn't have let my guard down by going to the bathroom while everyone else ordered.

I looked around the table counter-clockwise. Diagonally from where I sat, Matikane Tannhauser had a completely normal burger. Good, at least things weren't completely out of hand. Then to my right was Ikuno Dictus with… a triple burger.

I couldn't stop myself from letting out an "Eh?" on reflex.

"What's the matter, Ms Nature?" Ikuno asked back.

I guess even something as small as that couldn't slip past the iron lady.

"No, not much. It's just, well, why do you have three in yours?"

"This hardly holds a candle to Ms Turbo's."

I heard the sound of Turbo proudly hmmphing from behind the burger wall. Tannhauser spoke up next.

"The one that Ikuno got is called a triple star combo."

"I see. And Turbo's?"

"An ultra deluxe mega death babel overkill."

"...I- see. And what about the ones that we got?"

"These are just regular hamburgers."

"I suppose they are. Back to what I was saying before, Ikuno, you have a bit of a history of struggling with burgers like on the level of the regular ones that Tannhauser and I are having now. Surely a triple- whatever the rest was, is pushing it a bit?"

Ikuno smiled warmly, pushing up her glasses.

"It will be okay. If my calculations are correct, then a triple star combo burger should prove no problem to me. This is how I will overcome my weakness to hamburgers."

As much as I was dying to ask how one calculates that, I figured that I wouldn't be able to get it even if she did explain. Besides, she did have a point earlier. Three patties was a tad ridiculous, but that was nothing compared to the behemoth that sat atop Turbo's plate.

It was apparent that Turbo had ordered the largest thing on the menu in an attempt to one-up Ikuno's order, but bringing that up now would be pointless. It's not like making her feel guilty would solve anything other than shifting responsibility away from myself.

This is just an aside, but since it's relevant to the situation at hand I have to say that I absolutely resent the phrase "I'm so hungry that I could eat like a horse girl."

Most horse girls have perfectly normal appetites, you know? Just because an outlier like Oguri Cap became famous doesn't mean that we're all like her. That said, I did have to wonder if the monstrosity before me could prove to be the legend's match.

As my mind drifted into the potential match-up between the grey monster and the hamburger monster, Ikuno grasped onto her meal and went to take a bite. The result was predictable chaos.

With the table longer than it was wide, Tannhauser was the first to go.

A patty directly crashed into her nose, causing her head to snap backwards. A faint trickle of blood (it could've easily been ketchup as well) running down her face was all I had time to process before another patty hit me in the side of the head. Directly in the right hair bun. It was an indescribably revolting feeling.

At that moment, I thought that this was the worst thing that could possibly happen. If it had been, then things would've been a lot better.

The third projectile struck diagonally from Ikuno. I'm of course, referring to where Turbo was sitting.

At least, it would've struck Turbo if not for the shield that she had ordered.

It seemingly harmlessly bounced off. With the attack over, I took a second to observe my surroundings.

Ikuno sat there, trying to work out what could've possibly caused this to happen. If this outing had established anything, it was that her lack of affinity for hamburgers was an exception to all known laws of physics.

Tannhauser was now crying while her nose bled. Figuring that I'd have to quickly get up and comfort her, I quickly moved my eyes left to finish my surveying.

I saw Turbo's face in a state of shock. I wasn't sure if she'd noticed that she'd been saved, but she had definitely seen Tannhauser suddenly take a hit to the face.

Pulling the patty that was stuck on my hair out I stood back up. It's rather embarrassing to admit, but the error here took a few seconds longer than it should've for me to realise.

"It'll be okay, Tannhauser. It's just a physically improbable burger attack. You've taken worse hits to the nose than that before."

I moved from my seat while giving such half-baked reassurance, intending to go around the table and calm the upset Tannhauser down. As I did things replayed in my mind, as they tend to.

I saw Ikuno, I saw Tannhauser, I saw Turbo. In that order.

One baffled, one distressed, one shocked. In that same order.

From where I was just sitting, I clearly saw all three of the other members of team Canopus.

Get it yet?

By the time the truth of the matter hit me, I was already too late and too far to have any proper chance of averting the disaster. Having hope even when it's pointless is generally considered a good trait. I might not be capable of such a thing, but I do try regardless, so I ran back to where I was originally.

"Don't let that fall!"

Just as a piece of advice, a solid foundation is always important, okay? The leaning tower of Pisa has to be the most famous example as to why, but you can probably see examples anywhere you go if you know how to look for them.

This hamburger was one such case. A single, flying patty striking around the center was enough to destabilise the towering mass of beef. In the same sense as its namesake, humanity was punished for building a burger too tall.

And so, Turbo's tower of burgers began its descent. While I thought it was an affront to all good in the world, I disliked the idea of that much food going to waste even more, so I had to stop it.

Realising what was going on, Ikuno was the first to spring to her feet. Turbo got it a few seconds later when the tower reached its critical point. Tannhauser was still a bit preoccupied, though.

Through some miracle, we managed to catch the pieces of burger before they hit the floor.

The rest was uneventful enough to not be worth noting.

Tannhauser was comforted by all three of us until she calmed down.

Ikuno had to eat her hamburger piece by piece to get around the curse that afflicted her, as per usual.

The tower of burgers was safely reconstructed, but Turbo wasn't able to make even a dent in it. Luckily, it didn't end up going to waste thanks to the intervention of a passing monster. So I guess things all worked out, I even got an answer to that question I was pondering earlier.

My burger was perfectly fine, just in case you're interested. A little overpriced for what it was, I guess.

After we'd finished eating, we headed back to Tracen.

"Turbo's all recharged now! Let's make a plan for how we're going to defeat Spica this year!"

Tannahuser stuck her right arm into the air, affirming the plan.

"Ah, I'd like to join in, but I've got something else to handle today."

"Is that to do with your detective work again?" Ikuno asked.

"Nail on the head. I got a bunch of requests all at once."

"But the planning~" Turbo looked rather dejected.

"Don't worry. I'll get them all done today, then I should be free for a while afterwards."

Turbo grumbled at me.

"Go and destroy those mysteries." Tannhauser gave me a thumbs up.

"Yeah, I guess what I'm doing could be called that. Sort of. So with that, I'll be off."

This started off with me talking about detectives, so you shouldn't need too much explanation here, right?

But then again, maybe just a little sprinkle of context is necessary.

That said, I couldn't exactly tell you when or where it started from. Since I'd gotten here, I just had something of a penchant of finding things for others.

I kept on helping my classmates out when they'd lost something out of basic decency, then they must've told others about it or something along those lines, because I ended up with more than just them asking for my assistance.

I wouldn't say that what I do is particularly dramatic, or particularly necessary. They could probably find it themselves, I'm just there as a means of speeding up the process.

And wouldn't you know it, today I'd ended up with three requests to look into.

As I continued my walk around campus, I spotted someone out of the corner of my eye.

Long brown hair, tied into a ponytail with a pink ribbon. A streak of white ran through the front.
Eyes that reminded me of the ocean.

Wearing the same jersey that everyone wore, only with a sash with some words I was too far away to read over it.

All that I could think was that she should've been more energetic than this.

Tokai Teio trudged her away across the path.

It had been a week since my second time running the Arima Kinen. Once more I placed third, this time finding myself caught between two gals declaring dramatic vows of friendship. I've already stressed enough my distaste for the number three, so this year I'm even more determined than last time to place higher.

If I got third place for the third year in a row, I might just collapse in on myself. I'd probably be too upset to even stand on the stage for the winning live afterwards.

That's my main wish. But I've got one more aside from that.

I want to defeat Tokai Teio. The Autumn Tenno Sho, that Arima Kinen, neither of those counted. I want to defeat the Tokai Teio that I first met back then. The one that made me realise that geniuses really do exist, as frustrating as it may be.

That sounds impossible at this point, but that's why it's a wish. A hope would be underestimating just how impossible it seems.

I can't ask for anything else more than that. If I added another wish, then it'd be too many.