Chapter Three
She wandered to her front gate, looking down the stretch of grass. It was a country house, the house they lived in (that was why they were allowed to stay in it and hadn't been sent away like all the kids who lived in Small Heath, where the Shelby betting shop and the house her Dad had grown up in were, the kids from there were all supposed to be evacuated because of the war) and they didn't have a proper road that led up to it, just a long stretch of flat grass. But there were two lines of tyre tracks gouged deeply and probably permanently in the grass from the comings and goings - and they were filled with water from the rain that had fallen that morning.
She glanced back at the house, looking at the windows for faces - for Mary's face specifically because Mary would always tell if she caught Nancy at anything she shouldn't be at, and she wasn't supposed to go past the gates, not even a little bit. Nancy had had her backside smacked a bit too much for her own tastes, but the first - and to date, the only - proper spanking she'd ever had from her father had been for going out the gate (it was her mother who had dished out her only other real spanking, for Ruby's soup ending up down her at the last dinner party.) Being swept unceremoniously off her feet, tucked under her dad's arm, carried back into the house and turned over his knee right in the big room - from where half the house could definitely hear what was going on - had made her much more wary and mindful of being careful - and not getting caught - when she'd been tempted to head back out since then. There'd even been a few times she'd decided it wasn't worth the risk.
But today those deep puddles called her name, begged her to jump into them and, not seeing any watchers at the windows, Nancy gave in, crossed the forbidden threshold and jumped.
It was a good jump - water splashed right up and licked her knees, coming over the top of the boots Frances had forced her to wear. Her coat was a bit splattered too, but her mother had got her a dark coat deliberately to 'hide the mess you always manage to make of yourself' so Nancy was quite confident the splash would dry and not be detectable.
The long, thin crater was ideal for pretending she was battling the rapids on an intrepid expedition somewhere far away. She didn't really know where any rapids were in real life to name the place exactly, but she'd settle for Far Away. She used all her strength as she battled them, moving one boot slowly and deliberately, holding every muscle in her body tense, her arms outstretched to balance her as the currents crashed against her, trying to drag her down - but she would triumph, she was invincible! She wiped imaginary sweat from her brow - the sun was beating down on her as she balanced and made her next, precarious move. It was warm, where her rapid adventure was taking place and she was an inch away from being swept away by the water to the mouth of the cursed cave!
Wherever Far Away was, as well as being warm, it wasn't at war - that she was quite sure of. Nancy was fed up with war. Fed up with her parents always talking about it. Fed up with them arguing with Charlie about it.
Charlie was sixteen and he wanted to go be in it, but their mother wouldn't let him and he kept saying he'd be going as soon as he was eighteen and there'd be nothing she could do about it then. And then there'd be a whole lot of bawling and shouting between her parents and her brother that never seemed to settle anything. Right after they finished their shouting, Nancy's mum would shut herself away in her study and lock the door and Nancy could have sworn the time she'd gone around to peek in the window that her mother had been crying, though she'd had her hands over her face - and there was something deeply unsettling to Nancy about the idea of her mother crying. It made her insides twisty. Her father would take off, ride off somewhere and return late - quite often he wouldn't be back for dinner. And dinner without him there when he was supposed to be there made Nancy's insides twisty too. Charlie himself would stamp around the house, kicking things and shouting at her and Ruby, before he'd calm down and somewhat sheepishly come mumble something about how he hadn't meant to yell at them, and would ruffle Nancy's hair and tell her she was a good sport when she'd shrug it off.
She wasn't really trying to be a good sport though, she just wanted them to all stop.
There were times when it was funny when trouble was happening - before the war had taken them all away, she'd particularly enjoyed whenever she saw her Uncle Finn and any of his friends who liked to swagger about thinking they were all that get pulled into her father's study and emerge looking like little kids who'd just been whacked by the headmaster. They'd come in the front door with their heads high and attitudes brash - if it was Maisy or Clara who opened the door to them they'd whistle and try and get them to agree to be taken on a night out next time 'the boss' (that's was Nancy's dad) gave them both a night off together - and then they'd leave with their tails between their legs and their heads down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. She always had a good laugh over that. She reckoned Maisy and Clara did too.
And some of Nancy's most cherished memories were of times when one of her parents or uncles had overheard her awful cousin Billy when he was being a dick and he'd had the smugness wiped right off his face. Although Ruby didn't bother Nancy anything like as much as Billy did, she couldn't pretend that there wasn't some part of her that enjoyed when Ruby was in bother too, because it was so rare - whilst she was well aware it was her own bother that provided the majority of entertainment for Ruby and Charlie. Whenever she was in trouble she'd get teased by her brother and sister for it - or teased for it so long as neither of their parents were in earshot anyway - and it was nice when she got the chance to pay it back.
But the arguing between her mum and dad and Charlie wasn't the same as that kind of trouble.
It was 'cause her dad had been in the last war, Katie had told her so. Nancy knew about her father being in the last war - about how he and her Uncle Arthur and Uncle John and their friends had dug trenches and how they'd sleep at night with rats crawling next to them. Her dad had dug even deeper, he'd gone underground, gone under the other side's lines so they could set traps that wouldn't let them attack the men on the top.
She wasn't really sure what that had to do with Charlie and her mum, but Katie said it was because of that and Katie was usually right.
Nancy blinked up at her home, imagining the trench she was standing in, the one that the car wheels had dug, was a war trench for goblins, imagining them making a tunnel under her house to make it fall down. Not that her house would ever fall down, obviously. She snorted at the very idea. Her mum and dad wouldn't let that happen! She'd almost like to see someone try. That would be the kind of trouble that would be fun to watch.
But still - she could pretend.
She crouched down on her haunches and splashed her hands into the puddle, scooping out the water and chucking it up on the bank of the gouge - she reckoned if she emptied it out she could go get some of the toy soldiers that still lived in the playroom and make this their trench. They had been Charlie's once, the soldiers, but he didn't play like that anymore and his things had been left in the playroom for Ruby and Nancy to have.
She was so engrossed in trying to toss the water out - and frustrated with the way it didn't seem to be going down that she didn't notice the footsteps coming across the driveway towards her until Frances was right next to her.
"Nancy!" she said, wringing her fingers despairingly, as if she'd discovered Nancy having freshly committed murder and was being asked to help hide a body, "Miss Nancy you know your mother and father don't allow you out of the grounds!"
"But I can see the front door from here Frances!" Nancy defended herself - that spanking she'd gotten from her father suddenly much fresher in her mind than it had been when she'd come out in the first place - and, figuring it was as good a reasoning as any, pointing at the door and arguing, "I'm nearer it here than I am if I go around the back!"
They had a lot of grounds around the back that Nancy was free to wander in, and that took her far further away from the house than being just outside the gate - but for whatever reason it was the front gate she absolutely was not allowed to put a toe past.
"That's not the point and you know it, Nancy! What would the Master or the Mistress say if they were the ones who'd seen you out here?"
She glowered and didn't bother with a reply. There'd be very little said and her and Frances both knew it.
"Exactly," Frances nodded, "Now just come along inside the gates Miss, before your mother chances to see you."
She was saying it quite kindly and she held out a hand for Nancy to take, but Nancy ignored the hand and glared at her as she stamped by, making sure to stamp in all the water she could, deliberately swooshing her foot and kicking it up so some of it landed on Frances' black dress.
"Oh Miss Nancy!" she reproached, all sad eyes and sad voice - she never shouted, Frances - she'd just look like you'd given her the news that her dog had died every time you were anything other than perfectly behaved for her.
It was a million miles away from the way Mary gave sharp looks and went off to tell Nancy's mother on her over the slightest thing.
She rolled her eyes as Frances went on, "Miss Nancy, most children would realise I'm doing you a favour bringing you in before your mother sees where you've been. She's got her dinner this evening and if you had your sensible head on you'd know today isn't the day to test her."
Even if she wasn't as bad as Mary, Nancy couldn't bring herself to see Frances' interruption of her excavations as a favour. She stuck her tongue out and took off across the driveway at a run, leaving Frances sighing after her before she headed back into the house, seemingly content enough at knowing Nancy was back within bounds that she wasn't going to push it, or try and make Nancy thank her for bringing her in.
She wandered off around the side of the house, ducking, crawling and rolling past the windows, pretending to be a spy, trying to see if she could see what everyone was up to. Her mother's study window was on that left side of the house, and it was a long one that ran almost right down to the ground, more like a door save for a very small bit of wall at the bottom. Nancy lay down and tried to slither by it on her belly, hoping not to be seen - not much use for a spy to be seen - but her curiosity got the better of her as she heard her mother and Lily's voices and she stuck her head up to see if she could see anything worthwhile.
Lily was sitting in front of the desk, on the visitor's side, but she was turned around in her chair to look at Nancy's mother who, instead of sitting behind her desk, was pacing about the room, reading from the papers she held in one hand, waving her other hand about.
When she was at peace, Nancy's mother was quite a still person - she'd sit and read a book on the sofa without moving for a whole night if no one asked anything of her, or when Nancy peeked in the window of the study usually she'd see her mother working away quietly, her head bent, concentrating on what was before her. Even when her and Lily were doing things together they'd tend to sit on opposite sides of the table and both work through whatever it was they were doing. But her mother on her feet and moving when there was no need for it was never a good sign.
Mrs Shelby reached the wall and swivelled around, about to retrace her steps in the opposite direction, but she must have caught sight of Nancy from the corner of her eye and she dropped her papers down a little and smiled at her, lifting the hand she had free in a little wave. Nancy grinned back and waved energetically, pleased to think her mother had stopped what she was doing just for her.
Lily turned to look at her too, and gave her a smile as well. Nancy waved at her too, but Lily had already started turning back to Mrs Shelby. Her mother answered something Lily asked of her, her eyes switching back and Nancy felt the dismissal in her belly. She wandered on, past the stable block and round the back, not bothering to pretend to be a spy anymore.
In fact, far from trying to spy on what was going on, she was paying so little attention that she got the fright of her life and jumped about a foot in the air when a window slammed shut near her feet.
It was funny, their house, the kitchens and the place where the men slept (not her Dad and Charlie or her uncles or cousins when they stayed, but the chef and Eddie the driver and Robert and James from the stables) were built way down into the ground. You walked in the front door to the big hallway and then had to go downstairs to get to them, so the windows for the downstairs rooms were at the top of the rooms themselves, and only just above the ground when you walked by them. It was one of those - a bedroom one - that had just been pulled shut.
You could see into the bedrooms from the back of the house if you lay down on your front and looked. They weren't supposed to though. Her mother said it was an invasion of privacy, whatever that meant. Charlie said she'd had bushes put in once to stop anyone from looking, but then had realised it blocked all the light for the men downstairs and had had them taken away again. So now you could look, but if Mrs Shelby caught you, you'd find yourself with a smacked backside for peeping.
They were allowed to look in the kitchen windows if they wanted - though Ruby had looked once and had sworn she saw a chicken with its head chopped off and the idea of that had put Nancy off looking too closely. She sort of thought she'd like to see one, just to see what it was like. But she didn't want to see it, at the same time.
The kitchen windows were on the side, underneath where the dining rooms were on the first floor. It didn't matter if she was looking or not though, because Nancy wasn't so much seeing them as she came round as she was smelling them. It couldn't even be near four o'clock yet, nevermind time for the dinner to be ready - but already there were food smells pouring out of the small windows and Nancy's belly grumbled, lunch suddenly seeming like it had been an awfully long time ago.
Maybe she could go down and see if they'd give her something. They never turned her away empty handed - though they had a habit of chucking an apple at her, which she could pick from the trees down by the stables for herself - rather than giving her something good like a big slice of apple pie with custard. No, probably a waste of time going down - she'd be as well going and picking an apple if she wanted one. Funnily enough, at the idea of an apple, her stomach wasn't so demanding all of a sudden.
She wandered slowly down, trying to figure out from the smells what it was they were making for the dinner. She reckoned she could smell some kind of pastry… and definitely bread. And coffee was being brewed too. She wrinkled her nose at that. She didn't care for the smell of coffee. Her mum and dad drank tea, but there was always a pot of coffee put out at breakfast even though no one wanted it. Another good thing about skipping the dinner that night would be not having to smell the vats of coffee they brought up when there were guests. You couldn't not smell it then.
Thinking about the dinner - and skipping it - reminded Nancy of her plan to be seen as much as possible so no one would think she'd disappeared too early, or come looking for her. Feeling full of the vigour of wanting to avoid the coffee smell, she went skipping on past the kitchen windows, around the front and back around the other side to her mother's window, where she knocked to get her mum and Lily's attention and waved again.
They were both standing now, looking at something her mother had pinned to a wall - it looked like a seating chart to Nancy - and they turned and gave her brief smiles before going straight back to their chart.
Not to be defeated, Nancy took herself on another lap and repeated the action - getting an even quicker smile and a return to the wall from her mother and a mere glance from Lily, who shifted her attention immediately back - as if she'd assessed Nancy was nothing of consequence and didn't need to be acknowledged.
She felt irritated by that - why was whatever was on the wall so important?
She did her lap again and was furious on her next round to see Lily actually turn and frown at her!
With her blood boiling, she sped around again and when she screeched to a halt at the window she banged loudly on it and pulled a face, crossing her eyes and hooking her fingers into the edge of her mouth, pulling it wide and sticking out her tongue and ran off without even bothering to see what they made of it, smiling to herself, feeling vindicated.
Her heart sank a little when she completed her circle again - this time thinking she'd stop and do her impression of a banshee, sticking her hands up in the air, curling her fingers round like claws and screaming (it was definitely better done to someone lying down in bed but she figured it would still work standing up) but instead found her mother standing by the window holding it open.
"Come in here a minute, Nancy," she said, standing back and gesturing for Nancy to climb over.
Her mother let the window go once she was in and it fell swiftly back into place, sliding down like a guillotine - which didn't seem the best omen to start on.
"Come here," her mother said.
In spite of her words, there didn't seem to be much coming about anything so much as Nancy was being taken to where her mother wanted her - putting a hand on her shoulder and steering her around the desk.
Her voice was kind but Nancy still had a dreadful moment where she was convinced her mother was taking her over to the chair with the specific intention of sitting on it to turn Nancy over her knee. Surely pulling a face wasn't that bad? She'd pulled plenty of faces in her time and although she'd been told off for it, she'd never even been smacked for it, so why would this one be so terrible? But her mother sat down and pulled Nancy to her, sitting her on her knee rather than across it. She relaxed a little, though she still wasn't quite sure what was going on.
"Nancy, sweetheart," her mother said, cuddling her close, "I know you've maybe felt a little left to your own devices the past few weeks. I know I've not had as much time to spend with you as I usually would because this dinner has been on the horizon for me."
Nancy shrugged and wriggled. She hadn't thought much of it.
"The thing is Nancy, this dinner - it's important. It's about ensuring the children who are being evacuated here are going to places where they're wanted, not to places where they're begrudged a bed or made to work. Do you understand?"
Nancy nodded, trying not to roll her eyes - she had heard this before.
"No sweetheart, I really want you to try and understand how those children will feel," her mother persisted, seeing through her even if she hadn't rolled her eyes, "You imagine you were taken away from Daddy and I - placed with strangers and they weren't nice to you even though you'd had no say in any of it. Imagine being on your own, no family around you and the adults you're placed with aren't kind."
Nancy squirmed.
"Exactly," her mother nodded, "So can you see why tonight is so important?"
She nodded, not quite sure she did but realising it was something to do with how it would feel to be separated from her family.
"Good girl," her mother said, kissing her forehead and squeezing her, "I promise tomorrow we'll spend the whole day together alright? We'll go to the pictures, or the park, or for a nice lunch somewhere - whatever you like, hmm?"
Nancy grinned at that and her mother returned it with a smile of her own, gave her another kiss and then slid her off her lap as she said, "Alright, good girl. So you give me and Lily peace to get through this work today and tomorrow I'm all yours my little love."
Nancy made her way back around the desk as her mother stood up and dusted herself down, but Mrs Shelby paused, frowning as she patted at the top of her leg.
"Nan-cy," she said slowly, drawing her eyes over to her.
"Uhuh?"
"Come back here a minute."
"Why?" Nancy asked, not convinced she wanted to.
"Because I said so," her mother said, her voice going that no-nonsense way it sometimes did when she meant business.
Nancy sighed and stomped back, and her mother swooped down and started squeezing at the hem of her coat.
"Why are you all wet? I thought you were just cold from being outside at first but-" she squeezed hard and water came dropping out onto the carpet, "-evidently not." She let go of the hem of the coat and took Nancy's upper arms in her hands, squeezing tight as she demanded, "Have you been near that pond?"
"No!" Nancy protested quickly, making her eyes wide and shaking her head, "No! I haven't! Promise!"
Going out the gate was one thing - but going near the pond was another. There was nothing they were more forbidden from doing.
Someone had died in their pond. Someone who had worked with her father. Nancy had seen the newspaper clippings about it - her father had shown her when he was telling her why she wasn't ever allowed near the pond without supervision. A man called Patrick Jarvis had been at one of her parents' parties, had been drunk and had wandered out into the grounds, fallen into the pond and drowned. There had been pictures of her mother and father in the paper - her mother had been quoted saying how it just made her aware of the dangers of water, even in a little garden pond.
It had happened a million years ago - before Nancy was born - and her father had taught them all to swim, but that didn't matter - they weren't allowed near the pond without an adult. Family lore told of a time Billy and Charlie were mucking about in that forbidden area, shoving one another and Nancy's father had descended on them, grabbed an ear apiece and dragged them both to the stables, where he'd given each of them a hiding to remember for the rest of their days. Supposedly Aunt Linda hadn't been very happy about it, but Nancy's Uncle Arthur had told her if it had been left to him, Billy would have got it worse and then she hadn't spoken to anyone for a month. Nancy wasn't quite sure she believed it - that her Uncle Arthur would have given out a worse hiding than her dad could, but the idea of Billy being dragged off by her father made her very, very happy.
But she was too busy being terrified for her own backside in that moment to be particularly happy.
"Mummy, I was playing in a puddle!" she heard herself pleading, "Honest!"
Her mother narrowed her eyes and her mouth went very small and puckered for a moment as she stared at Nancy, who quivered under her gaze.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! I promise! Swear on my life! Cross my heart!"
Her beating, pounding heart. She felt like it was going so fast it must be about to make a heart shaped indent in the front of her coat with the way it was whirring and pulsing.
Her mother regarded her for a few minutes as she sweated, before she said, "Well you shouldn't be playing in puddles anyway, you'll catch a cold - besides, that coat cost Daddy and I a lot of money and I don't want you ruining it."
Nancy's heart rate calmed, though anger rose up in place of panic. Her mother was always, always on at her about mess and taking care of things, and she'd been bought a dark coat specifically to hide the mess. Her dad wouldn't care about her coat being wet - so why did her mother have to be such a mean old crone about it?
Her mother took her hand and walked her out to the hallway and down towards the front door - and Frances appeared like she always did, as if she knew exactly where Mrs Shelby would want her.
"You take that coat off, little miss," her mother told her, releasing her hand.
Nancy glowered, but her mother didn't seem to notice as she went on, "Frances, she's managed to get that coat in a puddle somehow - could you arrange to have it cleaned please? And fetch another coat for her in the meantime?"
Frances nodded and took the coat from Nancy once she'd finally finished ripping it angrily off her - there was nothing wrong with a bit of wet, her dad would have understood that! She bit her lip as her eyes connected with Frances', knowing Frances knew exactly what puddle she'd been in and wondering if this would be the time she'd tell. But Frances gave her the flicker of a smile before she disappeared off to the big cupboard where the coats were, Nancy's sullied one neatly over her arm.
"Nancy," her mother called her attention.
She turned her face back to full glare as she met her mother's eyes, knowing her mother would let her away with it in a way her father wouldn't.
Mrs Shelby crouched down in front of her and put her hands on her waist, "Nancy, you know how loved you are, don't you?"
There her mother was going off again about this love thing again!
She made a show of sighing - bored with having to know how much she was loved - but nodded.
Her mother snorted then said, "Good - as tiring as it might be for you to know, I'm glad you know. But it's because you're as loved as you are little one that we have the rules we do. Your father and I want you safe - that's why you're not allowed near that pond, you understand me?"
She nodded.
"Alright, good," her mother said, sitting back on her heels and reaching up for the coat Frances had returned with. She unbuttoned it and held it open for Nancy to turn and slip her arms into, "Let's get this on then."
Once she was in, her mother turned her around and began doing the buttons for her - as if she couldn't do them herself - and went on, "Got to keep you warm, as well as safe, hmm? Can't have you catching a chill, can we? Children with red runny noses are not the picture we want to give to the council tonight, are they?"
Nancy shrugged. How was she supposed to know.
Her mother shook her head and said, "Well it's not the picture I want to give them, so you'd best make sure it's not how you look when you come back in. And I mean it, Nancy, if I catch you near that pond, you'll have the sorest backside any little girl in England has ever had, are we clear?"
Nancy glared at her mother, who didn't seem at all bothered by the anger Nancy felt for her.
She simply nodded and said, "Right, on you go and play," as she pushed herself back up to standing, adding, "And remember - four o'clock. It's just gone three, so you've the best part of an hour before you're due back in. But you make sure you're back in in plenty of time."
Nancy turned and went back out with her nose in the air. Why did her mother always have to assume the worst of her? She hadn't been near the bloody pond and here she was being more or less suspected and basically accused of it! Alright, maybe her puddle had been somewhere she wasn't meant to be - but that wasn't the point, was it?
She hated her mother at that moment. She'd like to see her get threatened with the sorest backside in all of England!
Well, if there had been any doubt in her mind about not coming to her mother's stupid dinner tonight, that suspicion had killed it. She'd show her! Serve her right when she didn't have whatever silly picture she wanted to have for the council! Serve her right indeed!
Thank you as always for reading along!