There was blood everywhere.

His hands were red.

He dropped the knife.

The floor was red.

She was lying there, calling for help, but he couldn't reach her.

Her eyes were filled with so much pain.

Her red hair mixed with the pool of blood on the floor.

She reached out for him.

"Kushina!"

He tried to get to her, but he couldn't move.

Then she was gone.

"Daddy?"

Minato turned; a little blonde boy was looking up at him.

He was scared.

He ran away when Minato looked at him.

"Naruto!"

But the boy was gone, too.

Minato sat up sharply in bed, clutching his shirt over his heart. It was beating so fast, he was trying to slow down his breathing, but the oxygen in the air felt thin. He couldn't catch his breath.

A nightmare?

He hadn't dreamt about Kushina or Naruto in years, but being back forced all those suppressed memories back to the surface.

His hands went to his hair as he tried to remind himself that it was all over. He had nothing to fear. He was fine. He was fine. After a few minutes, his breath seemed to have returned, but the tightness in his chest was still there. It felt like a heart attack, but he knew better. He knew exactly what it was. He raked his hands through his hair, trying to regain his composure. It didn't work, so he swung his legs over the side of the bed, taking a minute to steady himself before standing.

Last night, he had left the bathroom light on. After a decade in prison, he didn't want to sleep in the dark anymore. He didn't want to return there, so he left it on so he could see his surroundings. Minato stood and headed for the bathroom. He felt clammy and cold, so he splashed warm water on his face from the sink. Minato looked up in the mirror. He was so pale, and just the look of himself made him lightheaded and dizzy.

He sunk down to the floor, using the vanity as a backrest; he dropped his head between his knees, lacing his hands on the back of his neck. He focused on his breathing, trying to slow his heart rate down. He felt his stomach lurch, so he quickly rolled his right, aiming for the toilet. When nothing was left to come up, Minato stood and washed his mouth at the sink, trying to eliminate the burning, acid taste.

He gripped the edge of the sink and looked back up in the mirror. He looked a little better; there was more color to his face. His heart rate was slowing, and the tightness in his chest was easing.

It was a panic attack.

After everything happened, he would get them daily, if not multiple times a day. Over time, they slowly dissipated, especially since the prison had kept him away from other inmates. He was in solitary most of the time, considered dangerous. He was left alone with nothing but his thoughts. He had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to reflect on everything. Minato felt the tightness in his chest, returning at the thought of that small dark cell.

I am not there anymore.

He kept reminding himself until it faded. He hadn't had a panic attack in years. After a few moments, the rest faded, and Minato felt he could stand without passing out.

When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked at the clock beside the bed. 3:41 AM. He shook his head; he didn't want to go back to sleep and risk another one. Minato looked at the bed; it was a mess. Most of the bedding had fallen to the floor, and the only sheet was wet from his sweat. He sighed and turned back to the bathroom. He wanted to shower and change out of the sweat-soaked clothes.

After showering, changing, and stripping the sheets off the bed, it was just after four in the morning, and since it was late May, the sun wouldn't be up for another couple of hours or so. Minato decided to head upstairs; he could use some fresh air. Grabbing his phone off the charger, he headed out of the bedroom and up the stairs.

Minato grabbed a blanket off the couch and flipped on the light to the back deck. It was huge and overlooked the forest behind the houses. Several Adirondack chairs circled the fire pit in the center; on the right was an outdoor kitchen and a dining table. Down the stairs, it led to a beautiful stone hot tub, and then a little further was a gorgeous saltwater pool with a slide and waterfall.

When Jiraiya had given him the tour yesterday, Minato noted that he had done well for himself with his novels. Jiraiya laughed and said that smut sells.

Minato sat in one of the chairs and turned on the fire pit. It was gas that connected to the mainline of the house, so all he had to do was flip the switch on the side, and it came to life. Minato was glad that Jiraiya's home was in the back of the neighborhood, secluded from the world. The older man purchased about fifty acres behind the development to ensure that this tranquility of his back deck wouldn't be lost. It was a hefty purchase, but Jiraiya said it was well worth it.

Naruto yawned and stretched as he walked down the hallway. It was too damn early for this, but he needed it with the upcoming qualifiers. He stopped momentarily before entering the kitchen; something had caught his eye. He turned and looked out the glass wall leading to the deck, noticing the porch light was on. Jiraiya never left it on overnight; he claimed that it attracted bugs. That's when Naruto noticed the blonde hair poking up from one of the chairs.

Is Dad up?

Naruto looked down at the smartwatch he used on runs to track his mileage and heart rate. It was 4:45 AM on a Friday, and Jiraiya wouldn't be up for another hour or two, maybe even later, since Naruto was out of school for the summer.

I wonder if he is okay.

Naruto hesitated. Should he check on him or leave him alone? Naruto sighed and decided he shouldn't be afraid of his father. If Minato wanted to be left alone, he would tell him. Naruto put the water bottle on the kitchen island, walked towards the glass door, and headed to the deck.

"Dad?" Naruto called as he stepped on the deck.

Minato turned in his chair, obviously startled.

"Naruto?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Naruto apologized as he walked over.

"Nah, it's fine," Minato laughed, "I didn't think anyone would be up for a while. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No," Naruto shook his head, a bit confused.

"Oh, good," Minato smiled at him, trying to move on to the next topic, "What are you doing up?"

"Ah, Yamato got after me yesterday during my spar for letting my stamina slip," Naruto scratched the back of his head, "I got tired by the final round and almost had my nose broken."

"Jeez," Minato replied.

"Yeah, so I thought I would use the summer to start running again and get my stamina up," Naruto shrugged.

"Well, don't let me stop you," Minato nodded, "Enjoy your run."

Naruto smiled at him, turning to leave, but something stopped him, "Dad?"

Minato looked at him, "Hm?"

"Why are you up?"

"Oh, um," Minato fumbled with his words. He didn't want to tell his son that a nightmare had triggered a panic attack, waking him up at three in the morning.

"Couldn't sleep?" Naruto offered.

"Yeah, something like that," Minato nodded.

Without saying much more, Naruto seemed to understand and accept that answer. Minato was grateful that his son didn't push for more. Naruto took a deep breath and then headed inside. Minato wasn't sure why, but he had felt a wave of sadness wash over him when he was left alone. He pulled the blanket around him tighter, resting his head against the chair and closing his eyes.

"Here."

Minato must have dozed off for a minute. When he opened his eyes, Naruto was standing before him with a couple of coffee cups, and he handed one to him.

Minato took the large ceramic mug, "Oh, um, thanks."

Naruto smiled as he walked over to the chair beside his and sat down, drinking from his mug. Naruto had also brought another blanket for himself; it was still chilly in the mornings.

"What is it?" Minato asked.

"Hot chocolate," Naruto replied.

"Hot chocolate?" Minato repeated, looking down at the mug, then took a ship, careful not to burn himself, "Wow, that is good."

"Yeah," Naruto replied, smiling at his Dad, "Jiraiya brought it back for me last summer when he went to Switzerland for a few days. I don't drink it often, usually when I need a good pick-me-up."

Minato looked down at the mug, "That obvious, huh?"

"Kind of," Naruto shrugged.

"Your mom used to make hot chocolate a lot," Minato gave a small, sad laugh at the memory of his wife.

"I know," Naruto replied, leaning back in the chair, enjoying the warm mug in his hands. His response caused his dad to look up at him in surprise.

"You know?"

Naruto nodded, "She used to make it for me whenever I had a nightmare."

When his dad didn't respond, he continued.

"I remember she used to tell me that a hot beverage will make you feel better, and chocolate always makes you happy, so there is nothing better to lift your spirits than hot chocolate."

Minato laughed, "She was a wise woman, your mom."

Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Do you have any other memories of her?"

Naruto thought momentarily, "Not many, just a couple."

"Want to tell me about them?" Minato asked.

Naruto looked over at him, "You sure? I don't want to upset you."

"I am sure," Minato nodded, "I think I need some reminders of the good times, too."

Naruto smiled and took another sip before speaking, "One memory I have of her is when she took me to the petting zoo, and she was helping me feed some goats. She was kneeling beside me, holding my hand flat so the goats wouldn't get my fingers. I remember her laughing when I giggled from the goats tickling my hand."

Minato smiled and looked down at his mug.

"The second one is of you and mom. We were at a beach or lake or something. I remember you guys were swinging me back and forth between you, lifting me over the waves. I don't remember much more of that, but I remember being so happy."

"I remember that trip; it was the summer before… everything… we took you down to the coast," Minato said, "We spent almost every day on the beach. Your mom was so sunburnt by the end of the trip, but you and I were so tan."

Naruto laughed, "Well, she was a redhead."

"Oh yeah, she would never tan," Minato laughed, "Always got burnt."

"I'm glad I got your complexion then," Naruto continued to laugh.

The laughter between them died down a bit, and it was quiet.

After a bit, Minato said quietly, "I need these memories to help drown out the others."

"You want to talk about it?" Naruto asked gently, trying hard not to push him.

Minato looked at him for a minute, trying to decide whether he should. Part of him wanted to share things with his son and open up to him, but the parent side of him wanted to keep this burden away from his son. He didn't need the extra weight of his father's problems on his shoulders.

"You don't have to," Naruto said, "But if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen."

"I just don't want to burden you with my problems," Minato sighed.

"You won't," Naruto shrugged, "Plus, I am stronger than I look."

"You already look pretty strong, kid," Minato chuckled.

"Exactly," Naruto replied with a cocky attitude.

Minato rolled his eyes but replied, "If you are sure…"

"I am," Naruto nodded, cutting him off.

Minato nodded, then thought for a moment about how to begin, "When I was first sent to prison, I had a lot of nightmares and panic attacks. The physician put me on anxiety meds and sleep pills for the first couple of years. But after a while, they started to go away, and they were gone, so I stopped taking the pills."

Naruto didn't say anything; he just sat there and listened, occasionally taking a sip from his mug.

"But earlier, I woke up from a one. Well, to be more exact, the panic attack woke me up. I don't know if you've ever experienced one, but it's terrifying. You know you are physically fine, but your mind and body think it's dying. There is not much you can do but wait until it passes."

Naruto nodded, understanding, "The nightmares were about…?"

"You and Kushina, mostly," Minato replied, not meeting his son's gaze.

"Oh."

"Sometimes about the trial, or prison itself, but mostly about the day that Kushina…" Minato trailed off.

"Sounds like some PTSD, Dad," Naruto said.

"You aren't wrong," Minato nodded.

"You should talk to someone," Naruto suggested, "A professional, not just me, as much as I want to help."

"A shrink, huh?"

"Not a shrink, but a counselor, therapist, or something. There is no shame in it, Dad," Naruto shrugged, "I see one."

"You do?" Minato asked.

"Yeah, I only go about once a month now, and I'm not on anything anymore," Naruto explained, "But it still helps."'

"Why?"

"Why what?" Naruto asked.

"Why did you start seeing someone?"

Naruto raised his eyebrows like he was asking something that had an obvious answer, "Well, I did go through something pretty traumatic as a kid. Even though I wasn't physically there or see any of it, Ji did his best to shield me from it; at six years old, my mom was killed, and my dad was sent to prison. As one would expect from a kid, I didn't handle it well. I spent years learning to cope, learning to handle it."

Minato sighed. He didn't know what to say to that.

"Please don't think you need to apologize," Naruto said, "None of it was your fault."

Minato looked at his son, "I still feel responsible though."

"I figured you would, but you shouldn't," Naruto shook his head.

"I guess you just seem so put together now, so strong, so grown up; I didn't realize how much…" Minato trailed off, trying to find the right words, but Naruto finished it for him.

"Like I said, it took years for me; I'm not perfect; I still have my problems and issues that I am working through," Naruto said, finishing the last bit of his mug.

"Seems you are doing well to me," Minato noted.

"Well, stick around, and you'll see some of it emerge. Like I still have a temper," Naruto chuckled, "Ji says I get that from Mom, but I've also got some anger and trust issues."

"Hm," Minato nodded, "You seem pretty wise for your years, Naruto."

"Yeah, my counselor says it's because I had to grow up quickly as a kid," Naruto shrugged.

"Ah," Minato nodded.

"So, find someone to talk to, Dad," Naruto smiled, then chuckled, "Someone that's not your kid."

"Alright," Minato chuckled.

"Thanks for sharing, though," Naruto leaned back in his chair again, "I'm glad you can trust me that much."

"You have something about you that makes me want to trust you," Minato replied.

"Ji says the same thing," Naruto muttered.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he says something about the fact that people are naturally inclined to trust me," Naruto waved his hand in the air, "I've got a way about me or something like that."

"Hm," Minato responded.

The two blondes sat silently for a bit, still processing the heavy conversation. The sun finally rose, creating a beautiful rainbow-colored sky beyond the forest trees.

Suddenly, Minato sat up, realizing something, causing Naruto to look over at him, "Oh!"

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked.

Minato didn't respond, but he sat down the mug on the chair's armrest and then picked up his phone. It was the first time he had looked at anything from before, but this was important. He scrolled through the photos until he found the one he was looking for and sent it to his son.

Naruto's pocket buzzed, and upon pulling it out, he realized what his father sent him.

It was a photo of Naruto and Kushina at a petting zoo, feeding goats. She was kneeling next to him, helping him keep his fingers flat.

"You were there?" Naruto asked.

"I was," Minato nodded, "I was more taking pictures than being involved though."

"Thank you, Dad," Naruto smiled, "I don't have many photos of Mom."

"You don't?" Minato asked.

"No, most of it's in storage," Naruto shook his head, "Ji thought it would be best to leave it there until you came home so that you could decide what to do with all of it."

"I see," Minato nodded, then looked at his phone, "Well, I have plenty of photos in here that I am more than happy to share with you."

"Really?" Naruto asked.

"I'll go through them a bit and send you some more," Minato's face flushed as he gave a small, uncomfortable laugh, "There are some you definitely should not see."

Naruto looked at him, momentarily confused, then realized what he was referring to, "Ew, Dad. No, that's gross."

"Oh, come on, we were married!" Minato defended himself.

"Yeah, but you're my parents," Naruto made a face, "I don't need to know about that stuff. Gross."

Minato laughed at the expression that his son was making, which made his son start laughing as well.

"You guys having a party without me?"

Minato and Naruto turned towards the glass door to see Jiraiya stepping through.

He was still in his pajamas, a pair of plaid pajama pants, and a simple black t-shirt. He was also barefoot, and his hair was crazier than normal, if possible.

"You are always welcome to join, Jiraiya," Minato laughed as the older man walked over.

"Is that?" Jiraiya asked, pointing to the cup in Minato's hand.

"Yes," Naruto nodded, "There is still some left in the electric kettle. It's probably still warm."

"Yes!" Jiraiya exclaimed as he ran back inside like a little kid on Christmas.

Naruto and Minato laughed at the older man.