A/N: Well, here it is! The sequel to Blue Plate Special! Now with 90 percent more plot. I do tend to be a sequel-happy wench, I admit, but very few of them actually get posted. However, I have become quite attached to this saga, so I decided to see 'er through to the end. Hopefully it won't kill me. I can't promise regular updates right now, though, since real life (as always) is hectic. But I promise you that I will be working on this... Almost constantly. Because it's what I do on the train. And I commute a lot. Anyway... Here goes!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is property of Dreamworks.

From Scratch

Chapter 1: A Crust Eaten in Peace is Better than a Banquet Partaken in Anxiety

Chen had thought he was done with traveling cross-country, dealing with aches and pains and bandits who honestly didn't know their heads from their asses. Of course, he had been wrong. The old jerboa had known from the moment he'd met Oogway that the senile turtle would never give him a moment's peace. He had been right about that much- throughout years of kung fu training the Grand Master of all kung fu had pushed him harder than anyone had- and pushed his buttons, too. The fool could make him angrier than anyone or anything else in the world, which was saying a lot considering how angry he was all the time, anyway. And then, after he'd left kung fu to pursue painting, he'd never truly been able to leave the practice behind entirely- thanks to Oogway. He'd always had something to call on Chen for, something that apparently no one else could handle. And Chen fell for it every time, because he was a fool, and because despite the years of torture, metaphor, senility, and aggravation, Oogway had become one of his closest and dearest friends. Now, even in death, Oogway was still making him traverse the countryside against his will.

"Memorial service indeed," he huffed to himself; he'd never believed in such things, and he doubted Oogway had, either. After all, once one passed to the next plane of existence, one generally didn't care what the living did. At least, that was what he had experienced himself back when he'd died. But what did he know? He was only a hundred and fifty-six years old, it wasn't like he had actually learned anything.

He just hoped he didn't have to spend too much time interacting with people- except for Quan, if she'd even made it back to the Valley of Peace yet. The woman had always been a bit daft, so he wouldn't be surprised if she'd gotten distracted along the way. She would make it there eventually, of course, though he didn't see why she would want to. She'd never been the soft type who'd wanted to live someplace "safe" where others would protect her- not that he thought it was bad to have such a place. It didn't seem fair, either, and he was sure Quan thought the same of it. But then, she wasn't exactly going back for the protection. Though part of him thought that would have been preferable.

What on Earth she saw in that fat badger Shifu, he had no idea. She could do worse, of course, but... Really? The man was a walking hemorrhoid with giant ears, and he always had been. Even back when Chen had first met him- he'd only been a teenager, and he'd still acted like he had a fistful of sand shoved up his vagina. He'd always come off as rather simple, too- not stupid, but simplistic in his thinking and ideals. He thought protecting people was all about keeping them alive and uninjured, when in reality there was so much more to it than that. A proper master of kung fu fought for the freedoms and liberties of the people he protected as well, just as Oogway had. And Shifu- he just didn't get it.

It had occurred to Chen that he simply held standards which were far too high for most others to reach, but Quan was one of those few, and the least she could do was hold out for someone else who did. Of course she was a grown woman and it wasn't his place to decide who she should love- though if it was, he would have picked someone much more suiting for her. Then again, Oogway had always seen something in the little closet pervert that nobody else had, and that counted for something. Oogway had a knack for seeing straight to the core of people; he had known Chen better than anyone else had known him his entire life, after all. And if Oogway had thought Shifu was fit to inherit the title of Grand Master of kung fu, then maybe there was a miniscule chance that he was fit to be with Quan, as well.

Chen realized he was only getting himself worked up about something over which he had absolutely no control, anyway. He tended to do that when he was under stress- focus on something completely unrelated to the source of his stress in an attempt to control the world around him. He realized he was only lashing out due to grief over the loss of a great friend and mentor. Still, it made him feel better.

"See how much I've grown, you old fool?" he muttered into the wind as he stopped at the giant wooden gateway that marked the beginning of the Thread of Hope, the giant series of treacherous wooden bridges that served as the only way into the Valley of Peace. "I don't need you anymore, anyway," he sighed.

"Uuuuugh," came the reply, barely audible over the creaking of the bridge's ropes.

Chen paused, furrowing his already formidable brow at the groan; that had definitely not been an otherworldly groan. "What the hell was that?"

"Eurgh," the voice grumbled again.

It had definitely come from his left side, from the rocky promontory directly beneath the gate, though his view was blocked by the bridge itself. "It figures," Chen huffed to himself as he leaped down to the promontory with ease, landing nimbly on his feet, and took a good, long look at the beaten and bloodied pile of fur and flesh that lay there. "Great. I take the time and trouble to come all the way out here, and now I gotta turn around and go right back home."

Shifu groaned to himself as he cracked his eyes open, blinking in the soft pre-dawn light that filtered into his room through his bedroom window. While he normally wouldn't have a problem getting up so early, despite his age, he had recently been given one very good reason to be exhausted, in the form of the Jade Palace's newest resident. As he pushed himself to his feet with a low groan, he paused to wonder what new horrors awaited him once she rose from her slumber.

Thirty-three years had passed, yet he could still remember every aggravating moment he'd spent with Lin in agonizing detail as if it had been only yesterday. Of course, he had good reason to remember so well- he had never loved another woman like he had loved the unruly canine. He had imagined spending the rest of his life with her, raising Tai Lung with her, growing old with her. He hadn't thought he'd have been able to stray from her side even if he had tried. Until she'd fled China for fear of execution, never to be seen or heard from again. At first he had been devastated, as any lover would have been. However, over time the pain had dulled, life had gone on, and she had become nothing more to him than a fond memory that drifted up from the recesses of his mind at a sip of warm tea or the sight of a painting. He had still missed her now and then, but he had long since accepted that she was, and would always remain, a part of his past which he could never reclaim.

And then she had shown up at the Jade Palace out of the blue, cursing like a sailor and smoking like a chimney. The vulgarity had been nothing new, and she had retained the forwardness and penchant for chaos she'd had in her youth, yet so much was different. She had aged of course, though not particularly well- bits and pieces of her were literally missing: the molars in the right side of her mouth, a chunk of her left ear, and her fur had thinned considerably in certain spots, giving the overall impression that someone had simply pulled it out, the way a child plucked the petals from a flower. Yet there was something else that seemed to be missing, something the girl of his memories had that this new woman did not. There had once been a time when she had seemed to glow in his eyes, when her smile had lit up a room and her laugh had set his fur on end. Now, the light was gone; her smile was simply a leering grin, and her laugh a cackle that still set his fur on end- though not in a good way. Of course he was not as shallow as to dismiss her because she had aged; there was something more missing. Perhaps whatever she had been through in her clearly difficult life had worn her spirit down, or perhaps he had simply realized that, as she had pointed out herself, she was no longer the same woman he had once loved.

That didn't mean she didn't carry on like a lunatic as she had always used to do- that spark, at least, she had kept. After five days of Lin completely rearranging the kitchen to her own liking, making lewd jokes to his students, filling the entire barracks with the smell of her tobacco, drinking like a fish, making fun of his limp, scaring off servants who tried to help her with anything at all, stealing all the extra pillows they possessed out of the laundry, cooking curry and forcing him to eat it, rewriting all of the banners in the training hall with a "more inspirational" style of calligraphy, and inciting at least three separate bar brawls down in the village- somehow he had managed to not drop dead from heart failure. What truly exhausted him, though, was not her boorish temperament or her complete lack of concern for social norms, but the fact that at the end of the day, when all was said and done, he looked into her eyes... And all he saw there was a stranger. Well, that and cataracts.

Perhaps he was being too harsh, though. After all, it had only been a few days. Besides, all she was asking for was his friendship, and he had already found it easy enough to give her that much. Well, she was also asking for a place to live... And that was not quite so easy to give. She wasn't exactly the easiest person to live with- and he was not the only cohabitant in question. He had yet to break the news about the permanence of Lin's stay to any of his students, though he had a feeling that when he did, the Furious Five would more than live up to their descriptive moniker. Especially Tigress.

With a heavy sigh, he dressed himself for the day and headed out into the hallway- and thus, his torture began. "What are you doing?"

"Scoping out rooms," Lin replied from three doors down, where she stood at the threshold of an empty room, peering inside. "At first I was fine with moving back into my old room, but then I thought, 'Wait a minute- if I'm gonna make a fresh start, I really need to make a fresh start.' Y'know, new room and everything. Besides, I want a window. It's depressing, having a room without a window. Especially since this'll double as my studio." She walked into the room to inspect it further, but kept talking to him. "I know a lotta artists like to have studios in separate rooms, even separate buildings, but that just ain't my style. I gotta have a bed in the same room as where I work, so at least when I pass out I don't wake up with a crick in my neck." She paused to cough, since her smoker's rasp was a little bit worse in the morning- probably because of the humidity. "But anyway, I'll be spending a lotta time working in my studio space, and it's just depressing to spend most of your day in a room without a window. And I want a room further away from where your students sleep, too- I don't wanna get woken up by that 'Good morning, Master' bullshit ever again. That scared the crap outta me, y'know."

"It is too early for this," he grumbled, mostly to himself, as he reached up to massage his temples. "It is far, far too early."

"I thought about being your neighbor for a while," she added as she sauntered out of the room, "but I figured that'd be a little too close quarters. Yeesh, you look awful."

"You have only yourself to blame." He turned and headed toward the hall in which his students slept in order to greet them when the morning gong rang.

She followed him, of course. "Whaddaya think about that room near the back door with the high-set windows? It's pretty separated from the rest of the barracks, so I won't be disturbed, and I'll be able to slip out the back without waking anyone up. And it faces west so I get good sunlight in the evening, which I prefer to morning sunlight, but I keep thinking maybe it's too cut off. I mean, I wanna be able to get to know your students and your daughter, and I don't wanna look like I think I'm better 'an anyone else, although deep down inside I probably do a little bit."

"Why are you still speaking to me?" he groaned as he ground to a halt at the end of the hallway and folded his arms behind his back.

"We are getting to know each other," she replied as if she were being perfectly reasonable.

"You will not undermine my authority in front of my students first thing in the morning," he ordered her.

"We are starting over," she continued. "It is a brand new day, time to go at it in a brand new way. New beginnings! And I'm excited for it, I am excited to start over."

"You are annoying, is what you are. You are annoying me on purpose, and don't deny it because I can tell."

"Maybe just a little," she admitted. "But today's a big day for me! I deserve to be congratulated."

"Why?" He doubted she would tell him anything of any relevance whatsoever, but for some reason he still asked.

"'Cause today I work. Today is my first employed day in the Valley of Peace. It's a new beginning!" She slapped him on the back for good measure, just as the morning gong rang and his students stepped out of their bedrooms, standing alert in the hallway- except for Po; Po stumbled, more than anything else, and fiddled with the door before he finally managed to stand at attention. Still, it was an improvement.

"Good morning, students," he greeted as he did every morning.

"Good morning, Master," they replied in unison, like a well-oiled machine.

"G'morning, everyone!" Lin greeted enthusiastically as she waved at them. "Welcome to a brand new day!" She reached out and gave Shifu what appeared to be, for lack of a better word, a noogie. Then, she ran off to do... Whatever it was she planned on doing.

"And that just happened," he muttered to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Students, I would like you to get a head start on your training today before we eat breakfast. I want you all to start off with-"

"Stretching!" Lin called from down the hallway, since she couldn't mind her own business.

He paused and counted to ten to keep himself calm, then continued. "I want you to start off with stretching, for half an hour. Then an hour of-"

"Tai chi?" Lin returned to his side with a cup of tea in each hand, and shoved one of them at him.

He reluctantly took the cup and tried not to look too annoyed in front of his students. "Tai chi," he grunted, then downed the tea all in one gulp. "Then we will convene for breakfast."

"Can I steal the panda before they get started?" She took the empty cup from him and peered into it, as if she couldn't believe he had finished his tea so quickly.

"Why?" he snapped, his eye twitching; it was far too early in the morning to deal with her... Everything.

"Top secret," she informed him. "Very important."

Shifu resisted the urge to tell her precisely why she made his head feel as if it were about to explode and instead looked to his students. The Furious Five remained stoic, staring straight ahead with their arms at their sides, the perfect picture of discipline. Po, meanwhile, kept trying to catch his eye and emphatically shake his head, clearly terrified of what Lin had in mind. With a heavy sigh, he turned to face away from his students, gesturing to Lin to do the same. "What is going on?" he whispered.

"Nothing," she muttered back, feigning innocence. "Nothing's going on."

"You are acting cheerful," he pointed out. "You are never this cheerful. This is not like you, and I think there is a reason. And why is it so important for you to talk to the panda this early in the morning?"

"You don't know whether this's like me or not," she shot back. "I wasn't this cheerful three decades ago, how d'you know this isn't how I am now?"

He simply glared at her.

"Okay, it's not my default setting. But I deserve to be cheerful every once in a while. I have work to do, for the first time in months, and I've had five pots of tea in the last two hours."

"Five?"

"I'm allowed to be cheerful," she snapped. "'Cause chances are, when I get back here at the end of the day, I ain't gonna be cheerful. So enjoy it while it lasts."

"...Alright, then," he conceded. "And Po?"

"Nunya business."

"If you want me to let you steal him from his training, then it is my business."

"I wanna ask him some stuff, is all. About, y'know..." She raised her eyebrows at him and he realized she meant the battle with Tai Lung.

"Oh!" He supposed it was important, then. After all, she had only recently found out about everything that had happened, and she had cared for Tai Lung... Very much. So it was probably her way of getting through the grieving process. "Do not keep him too long."

"Thanks."

He then turned around, cleared his throat, and faced his new life. "Sorry, Po."

Oogway had always had a saying- well, the old turtle had a lot of sayings, which was only natural for someone who'd lived to see his thousandth year. But one of those sayings had been: the mind is greater than the body. He had never meant that the body was unimportant- far from it- or that it should be neglected. He'd meant that any working of the body, especially pain, could be overcome by sheer will of mind. Easy to say for the creator of kung fu, who had unraveled the secrets of harmony and focus.

For those beings who were somewhat more grounded in reality, pain was not quite so easily dismissed.

"Auuugh," a large, muscular snow leopard grumbled as he cracked his eyes open and experienced his first lucid moments in weeks. "Kill me." Tai Lung reached up and gripped his pounding head from where he was, as far as he could tell, lying on a hardwood floor.

"Suffering builds character," the gravelly voice of an old man sounded, seemingly out of nowhere.

He blinked at the unexpected response and attempted to sit up, as much to attempt to observe the room in which he was being held as to identify his mysterious captor. Unfortunately, an intense sense of vertigo coupled with the most painful soreness he had ever known kept him prostrate. He tried to at least get a sense of his surroundings, but it was dark and his eyes were having trouble focusing. All he knew was that he was indoors and had a thin blanket over him, as well as a small pillow beneath his head.

"...Who is there?" he finally called out, though he felt ridiculous for doing so; if his captor wanted to be known he would have made himself visible by then.

"I am, you oaf," the old man snapped from the shadows. Judging by his voice, he was probably a fairly large animal, and definitely a strong one.

"Who are you?" Tai Lung reiterated, squinting in an effort to see better. "Where is the panda?" A growl entered his voice at the memory of his humiliating defeat, after so many years of lying in wait, plotting, planning. Everything he'd worked for had been merely swiped away by that big, fat, clumsy paw as if it were no more important than dirt.

"There ain't no panda around here," the old man answered, snapping him out of his stewing. "Now get up."

He felt a sharp sting on his side, though he had no clue how the man had managed to attack him without being seen. "What did you just do to me?"

"I hit you," the voice replied, this time dangerously close to his head. "Gods know you need some sense knocked into you. Now get up."

"I can't," he pointed out. "I am injured and disoriented."

"Last I checked you didn't have any broken bones, and as far as this 'disoriented' shit goes- stop acting like an idiot."

Tai Lung felt another sharp pain, this time on the side of his head. "Get away from me!"

"Make me."

"I will!" With a low growl, Tai Lung managed to push himself into a sitting position and blindly swiped at the side the old man had hit him from; he didn't hit anything, of course, but he felt just a little better.

"I thought you couldn't get up," the voice sounded from behind him.

"I don't like games, old man," Tai Lung grumbled, and turned around to try to catch a glimpse of his captor; his eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness and he could see the room around him, which had wooden walls to match the floor and was sparsely furnished with a writing desk, a couple of chairs, and a trunk. A free-standing screen stood against the wall to his right, and he assumed it was meant to cover a window. However, the man still eluded his gaze. "You are hiding from me, coward?" he accused.

"I ain't hiding." The voice was once again behind him, this time sounding closer than ever- yet that was impossible. "I'm giving you a quick check-up. Everything looks okay, but don't hold me to that."

"Where are you?" Tai Lung demanded, confused; could the man be right behind him, yet invisible?

"Look down, dumbass," came the reply, this time from his right side.

He did look down, and standing there on the floor next to him was some sort of tiny wrinkled rodent, with an equally tiny walking stick. "Augh!" He cringed away from the creature, shocked and disgusted.

"You're even more of an idiot 'an I thought," the rodent accused, furrowing his formidable brow more than it already had been. "Don't remember me? I'm not surprised."

"No, I don't recall ever associating myself with a mouse," he growled, eyeing the hunched over old man with suspicion.

"Jerboa," he corrected. "And the name's Chen."

"Chen?" He knew that name. "The Chen?"

"Didn't know I was a 'The,'" Chen huffed, apparently displeased with the distinction.

Tai Lung didn't understand what his problem was; the man was a legendary warrior, his reputation up there with the likes of Master Flying Rhino, Master Frog, and even Master Dog. He had fought time and again alongside Oogway against armies, demons, assassins- and had always won. Any student of kung fu in his right mind would have given up a kidney to accomplish half as much as Chen had. Yet the old coot had the audacity to act unhappy about his notoriety. "You're a little more... Little than I remember."

"That's enough small talk," the old master snapped. "D'you know why you're here?"

"Because you kidnapped me," he pointed out.

"Wrong!" Chen poked him hard in the ribs with the walking stick. "You're here 'cause I foundya, and I decided to keepya around."

"Where?"

"Eh?"

"Where did you find me?" he reiterated, rolling his eyes.

"That ain't important right now." Chen gave him another hard poke in the ribs. "What's important is I'm the only thing standing between you and another trip to the slammer."

"'The slammer?' Really?"

"Don't start with me," he warned. "I ain't figured out exactly what to do withya yet, and right now I ain't in the best of moods."

"Is that a threat?" Tai Lung narrowed his eyes at the little raisin.

Chen surprised him by not denying the accusation. "Yes. Yes it is."

"So then why are you keeping me around at all?" he insisted.

"It's a favor for a friend."

"Alright, this has officially gotten too creepy for comfort." Tai Lung attempted to get on his feet, but a combination of the intense pain he found himself in and Chen grabbing onto him with unexpected strength held him down. "Let go of me you old bag! I am getting out of here- wherever here happens to be! Don't think that I am above beating an old man, because I am not and I will reduce you to a smear on the floor!"

"What is going on up here?" a feminine voice interrupted his ranting, and then the door to his left swung open, flooding the dim room with light. "And why is the window blocked? It's pitch dark in here!" In walked a woman- some sort of Siamese cat- who looked to be around fifty. She was a plump woman, with thick cream colored fur and a brown face, paws, ears and tail. Her eyes, meanwhile, were a pale lavender that somehow managed to still convey a cheerful warmth. Despite her age, her voice sounded very young, though not too high-pitched, and gentle. Either she was beautiful, or he'd been in prison for far too long. He couldn't really tell.

He rounded on Chen and pointed accusingly at the woman. "How many people know about me? What am I, on display here?" The last thing he wanted was to go back to prison; he'd have rather been killed than return to such a hellhole.

"This is Yan-Yan," Chen growled back. "She helped me out with you while you were dead weight."

"And you're not on display," Yan-Yan added. "If you were, you'd still be naked."

Tai Lung bristled at the implication. "When was I naked?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," she hummed, smoothing out her blue qipao as she feigned a complete lack of concern. "By the way, I brought over some of that jam I made from Yiliang's blackberry bushes," she directed toward Chen. "I left it in the kitchen, not that you ever go in there."

"Who is Yiliang?" Tai Lung interrupted, narrowing his eyes suspiciously as he glanced back and forth between them. How many other people knew of his presence in Chen's house?

"She's my daughter, but she's not single I'm afraid. Married with two sets of twins, in fact."

"That isn't why I asked," he ground out, annoyed.

"Alright, enough chit-chat." Chen hit him with that little twig again, as if he were the one making jam and chattering on about his daughter. "We got a lot to do, and not much time in which to do it."

"What are we doing?" The woman had the audacity to kneel down next to their so-called patient and poke him hard in the ribs, exactly where Chen had poked him. "Because he seems to have healed up well enough."

"First we gotta judge whether he's even capable of rehabilitation."

"Hello! I am sitting right here!" he interrupted them. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No," Chen shot back.

"Sorry," Yan-Yan added with complete insincerity. "You basically gave up your right to have an opinion the moment you went bat-shit."

"Since when do women like you curse?" he grumbled as she began to examine his back much as Chen had, though compared to her ministrations the ancient kung fu master had seemed gentle.

"Since I first met Chen," she answered, and he'd certainly believe it. "You know, you heal up really fast."

"Do either of you have any real experience in medicine?" he asked dubiously.

"Yan-Yan's as close to an actual doctor as you're gonna get," Chen answered, and if the man didn't seem so disgruntled all the time, he might have actually sounded proud for a moment. "Learned from her husband."

"That's right," the housewife agreed, confirming that she was more than what she seemed. "He was a fine doctor, though not as fine as I could have been, had I been born a man. And while I do enjoy medicine on an academic level, the gore involved also curbs my relentless thirst for blood."

He couldn't quite tell whether or not that last bit had been a joke. "So what happened to your husband, precisely?"

"He traveled a lot, for house calls and such," she replied casually as she finally finished feeling him up. "Turns out, he had a second wife I'd never known about. When I logically pointed out that after so many seemingly happy years together he had done the lowest thing he could have possibly thought to do to me, he decided a divorce was in order. Seeing as my children, according to tradition, owe loyalty to their father over me, I moved in with Chen. Which turned out to be quite the boon, considering the view I've been treated to."

"I didn't want your life story," he groused, resisting the urge to attempt to cover himself with his blanket at her mention of "the view" she apparently enjoyed so much.

"Nobody did," Chen agreed, earning him a glare from the woman. "We are supposed to be discussing what to do with this lump." He once again hit Tai Lung with his walking stick, easily evading the younger warrior at an attempt to steal the stick away.

"I don't see why you want my opinion," Yan-Yan huffed, obviously still jilted by his insult. "I don't know too much about kung fu."

"Indulge me."

She let out a long-suffering sigh, her shoulders slumping. Then, hesitantly, she made her suggestion. "...Maybe we should write to Quan."

"I already toldya I don't want any correspondence about this going anywhere near the Valley of Peace!" Chen argued immediately; apparently they had argued this point before.

"Wait- who are you two talking about?" He had heard the name Quan before, though he couldn't quite remember where he'd heard it.

His two captors shared a dubious look before Yan-Yan cleared her throat. "Uhm..."

Outside, the citizens of Shanghai who were going about their business in the streets, were frightened and startled by a sudden, animalistic roar. "GRRRAAAAHHHH!"

"So, uh... What're we talking about?" Po rocked back nervously on his heels as he faced Lin in the hallway of the barracks, after everyone else had begun their training. Oh, how he wished he were with them.

"Walk with me, panda," she replied, then turned and headed toward the front door.

"M'kay." It wasn't like he hated Lin- on the contrary, he actually sort of liked her, and he got along with her pretty well. Better than Master Shifu seemed to get along with her, anyway. However, Lin could be... Eccentric. He still shuddered when he remembered how she had propositioned him less than an hour after they'd first met, not to mention all the uncomfortable conversations she had lured him into since then. He now knew more about his master's sexual preferences, Lin's menopausal symptoms, and a juvenile Tai Lung's massive collection of erotic fiction than he ever needed to know. So when Lin specifically sought him out for a conversation, it was guaranteed to be anything but good. But he seemed to have somehow gotten on her good side, so that was the price he had to pay. He had a feeling it was still a thousand times better than being on her bad side.

"Y'know what I like about you, panda?"

"My name's Po, actually," he corrected. Sometimes he wondered if she even knew his name, or if every time he told her- at least six or seven times every day- it just went in one ear and out the other.

"You're honest," she answered for him, ignoring the correction as usual. "Even when you know it'll getya in trouble, you're still honest. And you know what that says about you?"

"Uhm-"

"You got integrity." She gave him a slap on the back along with that, as if she were congratulating him for apparently having integrity. "And I like integrity, got a little bit of it myself." As they walked out onto the grounds she paused and took a look around, then turned and headed for the peach tree. "So I'm hoping you'll be up to telling me what I wanna know."

"Where... Where're we going?" he asked, though he doubted she would tell him.

"And if you do tell me what I wanna know," she continued, ignoring every word out of his mouth, "it'll really help me out a lot. Y'see, today's my first day living and working here in the Valley of Peace, and ifya tell me what I wanna hear, that'll just be my cherry on top."

"Wait- whaddaya mean 'living?'" He'd been under the impression- Master Shifu had given him and the Furious Five the impression- that Lin was only a visitor.

"Now I've done a little research on my own already, asked around a little. I don't wanna make waves up here at the Jade Palace, what with Shifu... Being the way he is."

"You're living here? As in here here?"

"Lemme be blunt," she said, and he wondered if she hadn't already considered herself blunt, how much worse what she was about to say would be. "I heard after you defeated Tai Lung, there was no body to speak of. Is that right?"

"Wait... Body?"

"As in a dead body," she clarified.

"...A dead body," he repeated, completely stunned by the question. "Why... Why would we need a dead body?"

"Listen, panda, where I come from no body means no crime."

"No crime?" he asked nervously.

"I meant death," she corrected, seemingly unconcerned by the mix-up. "Anyway, even if you do got a body, people're resilient. Life'll find a way. That's why you gotta double tap."

"Double what?" While Po generally had faith in the goodness of people, the conversation was starting to give him doubts about Lin.

"You gotta make sure," she explained with a matronly pat on the arm. "Well, I guess kung fu warriors don't do that kinda stuff. Honor and all."

"When did you-"

"Anyway, the point is you can't assume Tai Lung's dead if you got no body," she interrupted sternly. "Y'know how many people've died making the same mistake you did?"

"No, how many?" he asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Whadda I look like, some kinda death abacus?" she snapped. "Anyway, that's all I really wanted to talk to you about... Wait. One more thing."

He hesitated to ask, because quite frankly he didn't want to know. Yet she was a guest at the Jade Palace and he didn't want to be rude... Though he doubted she would care if he were. "...Okay," he finally accepted, readying himself to cover his ears should he need to.

"Just between you and me," she began, which was a bad sign, "whaddaya think my chances are? Y'know, with the old man."

Through some miracle, he managed to keep his gag reflex under control. "Why're you asking me?"

"'Cause you're the one who helped him be at peace and crap. I thought you'd know."

Po could only stare at the old woman. He could barely even believe she'd asked him such a... Personal question. "I, uhm... I dunno. I dunno what Shifu... I just dunno. I mean, if anyone knows him, uhm, in that way, it's you."

"You mean there's no one else who knows him 'in that way'?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at the information.

"Not that I ever heard of." He really hoped the conversation ended soon. "...Can I go now?"

"Begone," she dismissed with a wave of her hand, adopting a pensive expression as she continued to walk, oblivious to his presence the moment she'd spoken the word.

Po would have wondered what that had all been about, if even a small part of him had wanted to know. However, he'd only known Lin for a few days and already he'd learned that whenever it came to her, it was best not to ask. And to be perfectly honest, when it came to her love life (and his master's) he really did not want to ask. At all. Ever. Well, he could see how some guys could be into the whole "tough broad" thing, but he was more a fan of... Normal people. And he couldn't believe he'd even thought that.

What he actually needed to think about was Lin's cryptic warning- that no body meant no death. He'd assumed, since they had heard neither hide nor hair from Tai Lung in the months ensuing their battle, that the snow leopard had simply... Disintegrated. He'd assumed that he had killed Tai Lung, however uncomfortable he remained with the idea of outright killing someone. After all, he hadn't meant to kill the temperamental feline, even if it would have been for the greater good. But as much as he hoped Tai Lung was alive for the sake of his own conscience, he sincerely doubted it was possible. If no one had been able to find even a trace of Tai Lung, then the Wuxi finger hold would've had to have blasted him miles away. And not even someone as tough as the Master of a Thousand Scrolls could survive something like that. Besides, Tai Lung had some serious anger management issues- surely if he'd survived their battle he would've shown up for revenge by now. If nothing else, that simple fact alone stood as evidence that the Valley was safe.

Viper couldn't help but yawn as she slithered from the training hall- Shifu had definitely stepped up their training (especially Po's), yet it had been months since they'd received word of anything even bordering on a crisis. As happy as she was that such slow business meant people were safe, she was still bored as hell- as were her fellow masters. Tigress in particular seemed to have a lot of pent-up aggression that needed release, and the Jade Palace could only afford so many repairs. Luckily, she had convinced the feline to leave the training hall before sunset so they could catch up with the others for dinner. "Today was brutal," she commented, mainly just to get Tigress talking.

"Nothing we can't handle," she grunted back.

Viper suppressed a frustrated sigh and tried another conversation-starter. "I heard Master Shifu received a letter from a suitor for you. Whatever happened with that?"

"I burned it," she replied shortly.

As much as Viper cared for her fellow master, sometimes she just wanted to strangle her. The woman had barely said a word to her all week, and spent nearly every waking moment training. "That must have been a nice fire."

"Yes, very warm." Tigress glanced down at her, clearly confused. "...Is there something to want to tell me?"

"I was about to say the same to you," she shot back. "You've been so quiet lately, I can barely squeeze a word out of you! Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," Tigress replied, which inevitably meant the opposite.

"Are you frustrated that we haven't had any calls to duty lately?" Viper pressed, intent on getting the problem out in the open.

"No more than anyone else," she answered evenly. "It'll be fine. We always get through the lulls."

"How are things with Master Shifu?" She knew it was a sensitive topic for the tiger, but she'd been concerned and she was certain she could offer help.

Tigress, rather than answer the question, merely pursed her lips.

"Things will get better," she reassured, sensing she'd hit the bullseye. "You know how Master Shifu is. He's trying, he just needs more time to get used to the idea of opening up and being close to you."

"Close to me," Tigress suddenly growled.

"That's what I said."

"That's it, isn't it?" she went on, clenching her hands into fists. "It's me. The panda's here for barely three months and Master Shifu's already treating him like his best friend- like a son, even. And that friend of his, that annoying old woman- you saw them this morning. They practically finished each other's sentences. So it must be me, right? He just can't get used to being close to me."

Viper, of course, knew Tigress's fight to be closer to their master had begun the moment Shifu had adopted her. Anyone who knew the woman could see it. What Viper didn't know was how personally her friend had been taking Shifu's growing bonds with other people around her. "You could just tell all this to Master Shifu," she suggested, knowing full well the perfectly sound advice would get shot down.

"Absolutely not," Tigress predictably answered. "I am not going to crawl on my hands and knees begging for him to pay attention to me, Viper. I have some dignity left."

"It's not really the same thing, but okay," she sighed. She knew how stubborn and contrary Tigress could be, and experience told her that the more she pushed the idea the more her friend would resist it. "Just... Smile. Smile at Master Shifu, at least. Trust me, it'll do a world of good."

"I'll think about it." Tigress suddenly picked up her pace and turned around, heading instead toward the Hall of Heroes.

"Where are you going?" Viper called after her.

"I just realized that I haven't studied the scrolls in far too long," she tossed out over her shoulder. "I'll eat on my own time."

Viper watched her go, shaking her head in disappointment. Tigress was a powerful woman- both in body and in spirit- yet when she was bothered by an emotional problem, all she could do was run away and hide from it. And advice from a trusted confidant could only go so far, unfortunately. While the serpentine master hated to see her friend in such turmoil, she couldn't do much more than what she'd already done. She would just have to wait and hope that Tigress and Master Shifu were able to resolve their issues on their own.

Though she had to admit, she had expected Master Shifu to be more at peace once the Dragon Warrior had been chosen and... Well, brought peace to him. All she could really tell was that Master Shifu was under a lot of stress- stress to train Po and get more experience under the young panda's belt, stress to live up to Master Oogway's legacy, stress to keep the Furious Five from losing confidence and motivation due to the deadly combination of a loss of interest in them (who needed five regular warriors when the Dragon Warrior was one ultimate warrior?) and lack of actual conflict to resolve, and finally stress heaped on him from his visitor.

Speaking of whom, the old dog appeared to be sitting out on the front porch of the barracks, smoking a pipe with a long, straight stem and a wide, shallow bowl. Viper remembered her father owning a similar one, though he'd never smoked nearly as much as this woman did. "Hello, Lin," she greeted courteously as she approached, bowing her head in deference to an elder.

"Yeah, hey," Lin grumbled, removing the pipe from her mouth to breathe out a giant puff of smoke.

"I didn't see you around much today." Viper could only guess what had caused their guest's foul mood (probably another fight with Shifu).

"I hate children," she replied inexplicably. "I mean, I can stand one or two at a time. But when they get into big groups like that I really hate 'em. Makes me wanna reach up my cooch and tear out my own uterus."

"Um..." Viper honestly didn't know where to take the conversation from there. "That's too bad," she settled on.

"Thanks, I guess," Lin sighed, then offered up the pipe. "Wanna give'er a try?"

"I'm good," she declined, then headed into the barracks for dinner.

"Wait a minute," Lin stopped her, "I got a favor to ask."

Viper supposed it was only polite to grant a favor to a guest of Master Shifu's, even if he did not get along with said guest at all. "Of course."

"Tell ol' Pudge in there that if he doesn't get around to telling the lot of you that I actually live here now, I will. And it won't be pretty." She then leaned back against the side of the barracks and stuck her pipe back in her mouth.

"...Can do," Viper answered, blinking in shock as she slithered into the building. What Lin had just said to her had been about the last thing she would have expected. What she had expected was a request for more towels in the bathhouse, or maybe a request for Master Shifu to join her out on the porch. She could barely believe what she'd actually heard instead- that their master had invited someone to live in the Jade Palace not only without discussing it with any of his students first, but without even telling them- and after said person had moved in, no less! Of course, Lin could be quite the joker, so she supposed it was possible the old woman was just pulling her tail. She couldn't be certain until she delivered the message to Master Shifu and saw his reaction. There was one thing she could be certain of, though.

Master Shifu was in a lot of trouble.

A/N: Please, Chen, tell us how you really feel. :P Anyway... Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this! And hopefully this won't be too elaborate of an undertaking for me. (Even if it is, I don't have anything better to do with my free time). And before I forget, "double tap" was a reference to Zombieland, an entertaining movie for those who enjoy zombies and Bill Murray.

As for next time, I promise more of the Furious Five and more interaction between Lin and Shifu. And, of course, we will hear Lin's thoughts on everything.