Okay. Now we're getting into the heart of the story. I think I got my groove back, and I am just so happy that it isn't taking me long to get through these chapters as I already know the story and I have a guide. However, I would like to know: what are your thoughts on me using a guide to write a story? Do you think that I do better when I have a storyline to follow and add onto? Or do you think that I do better when I'm writing original material? I'd love to know what you guys think as you continue to read my story. Also, if you have any ideas a way to make the original story better, then I'm open to suggestions. Thanks again for reading and let's keep going.
Chapter Twenty-One
Are You Okay?
It wasn't long before the future CEO made his way down to the main floor of his and Gabby's home with his iPad in his hand, only to see his best friend waiting for him so they could talk. Talk about how he was after the death of his father and just about what else was on his mind, as he could clearly see that there was something else on Kelly's mind other than his father's death. Well, at least in his opinion there was he didn't know for sure yet due to the fact that he's yet to talk to his best friend. And right now, he just hopes that they can talk as he wants to make sure that he's doing okay. I mean, he did want to talk when he came up to get him (due to the fact that Stella is asleep); so, that has to mean something. It has to mean that Kelly is open to them talking, or else he may just want to be with someone as he doesn't want to be alone right now. And based on what he was seeing in Kelly's body language, that's precisely what Matt believed was happening at the moment; that he didn't want to be alone. And that he wanted to have a drink.
A drink that they can enjoy together as friends. Or, maybe it was due to the fact that he was sad; because that's what he really thinks is going on right now based on what he saw when he came outside with some drinks for him and his best friend, which would be tears. And it was rare for him to see his best friend cry, so he had to know that there was something really wrong going on. So, he was going to make sure that Kelly already knew that; knew that this was related to something OTHER than just his father's death. And that's precisely how he started the conversation with his best friend as he walked up to him and give him a drink. "Ok. I can already tell that this isn't just related to the fact that your dad died." Turning his head, Kelly looked up at his best friend and just took a breath; especially since he knew him better than anybody. Hell, there are even times he knows him better than Stella, which is precisely why he was out here right now so that he can talk to his best friend and see what's going on. Now, it's time for them to talk.
And that's precisely what the two of them are going to do, just as soon as Kelly grabbed his drink. "Am I going to keep holding out your drink, or are you going to grab it?" Agreeing with Matt, Kelly grabbed his drink and just watched as Matt made his way over to one of the chairs they have out here. That way, he can sit down and just talk to his friend; so that he can talk to Kelly about what was bothering him, which he had a feeling was related to the reason why he came to Hawaii for Christmas in the first place. "So, are we going to talk about it? How you were after your dad died?" Kelly agreed with Matt. "I'm sorry man, I wanted this to be a good Christmas for you; but I think that I made a mistake and asking you to…" Stopping his friend, Matt sat up and looked at his friend; scratch that, his brother. "Hey, look at me." Kelly agreed with his best friend. "Kelly, listen to me. I know that you don't like to share how you feel." Kelly agreed with Matt. "But I'm not just anybody, I'm your brother. You know that I've always treated you that way."
Kelly agreed with Matt as he said that, well aware that was the case. "God, I still remember when we were still young and in the fire academy. I think it was that breathing coach that though me, you, and Andy were brothers." Matt agreed with Kelly. "Lt. Jensen-Moore." Kelly agreed. "Whatever happened to him?" Matt sighed. "Died in 2010 during a factory fire." Kelly was shocked. "Really?" Matt nodded. "Now, do you understand why I was so scared when I was in that factory fire?" Kelly agreed with Matt as he said that. "God, I remember how mad Gabby was." Matt agreed with Kelly as he said that, as that most certainly is the truth. "Yeah, that most certainly is the truth. Now, listen. We need to talk about what's going on, because you look like a mess. Hell, your face would be full of mascara you looked like you were crying so much." Kelly agreed with Matt, before rubbing his eyes. "Sorry about that." Matt shook his head. "Hey, don't apologize for anything. What's going on man?" Looking at Matt, Kelly shook his head as he didn't want to say it.
However, Kelly just couldn't say it as he was still in shock. "Something about your grieving Kelly? Please, I came down here so that we could talk and spend time with each other. Well, I was going to work on the company with you; but, I can clearly see that you have something else on your mind. And I'm going to do what I should've done when me and Gabby were having troubles in Chicago, which is pester and talk to you as much as you need to. So, what's going on?" Kelly sighed, agreeing with his best friend. "I just said something horrible to her, in the aftermath of something I just learned now." Matt was confused as he looked at his best friend. "What's going on man?" Kelly sighed. "Apparently, Stella wanted to come here too for a reason I just learned. It explains the rush for her." Matt agreed. "Are you going to fill me in on what the reason for that rush was?" Kelly sighed as he looked at his best friend. "I think that you can really help me with this, as I'm struggling." Matt agreed. "Are you going to share?" Kelly sighed and shared.
"I just learned that Stella just miscarried our first kid. She only told me when we got here, and I blew up at her over that."
Hearing that, Matt was shocked as he decided to grab his phone; after all, he needed to send a text message. He needs to text Gabby so that Stella wasn't alone right now, while he sat with Kelly. 'I just learned from Kelly that Stella recently miscarried their first kid. He blew up at her after learning that because he didn't know until they were here in Hawaii. You might want to go be with her.'
Text from M. Casey to G. Casey: 'I just learned from Kelly that Stella recently miscarried their first kid. He blew up at her after learning that because he didn't know until they were here in Hawaii. You might want to go be with her.'
When she read the text message that Matt just sent her, she felt her heart break into a million pieces for her best friend. God, just the thought that her best friend has recently learned what it feels like to loose your first child, was horrible; especially since she remembers when she lost her and Matt's first child like it was a yesterday, and she does due to the fact that it's such a horrible feeling. And now, for Stella to have recently learned that feeling, well that was something she never wanted for her best friend, which is precisely why she needed to be here with her at the moment, so that she could hold her the way Kelly should be at the moment. But right now, he's too mad and just overwhelmed at the moment to do it, which she understands as he's dealing with a lot. She just hates that it happened during the exact same time where Stella was now dealing with a miscarriage. And during this time, what a woman needs is comfort, preferably from her partner, but also from her best friend. And that's precisely what she's going to get right now.
She's going to be held by someone who loves her, but not the father of her child; rather, it was going to be her. And while it wasn't ideal, maybe it was supposed to happen this way; that way, Stella can open up to someone who knows how it feels to loose a baby. To loose a child, as she's lost two of them (their baby and Louie). And while she hates to call herself an expert on dealing with this, that's something that Gabby feels like she is. But there's something else she already knows she's an expert on, and that would be how to make sure that your relationship survives a loss like this. She knows how easy it is for partners to loose each other through a miscarriage/the loss of a child, as she and Matt went through it in the past. But now, they are solid; in fact, they're in the best place they've ever been. And that's why she's more than ready to have this little girl she's pregnant with, because of how solid and stable her and Matt's marriage is. And that's precisely why she thinks that she and Matt are the perfect people to help Kelly and Stella.
To help them get through this tragic time and fulfill their new mission in life, a mission which includes keeping their best friends together; simply due to the fact that they already know that they're meant to be with each other. They're meant to be married and have a family someday, which is why she and Matt are going to take it easy with their respective best friends: he's going to take it easy with Kelly downstairs as they talk, while she's going to take it easy with Stella and talk to her. But first, she needs to get in the room, which is why she just knocked on the door, only to get a bad response from Stella. "GO AWAY KELLY! You already blew up on me once, I'm not in the mood to have you blow up on me again!" Sighing, Gabby could just hear the hurt in her best friend's voice; so, she decided to see whether she could get in without having to ask Stella to open the door. And lucky, she could as the door was unlocked; so, she just walked in so that she could talk to Stella. The woman who really needed some help right now, as she was in bed.
Hell, she looked just like she was when she was dealing with the loss of her and Matt's baby; as she was currently under the sheets and just tearing up, which means that she needs help. And that's why she's not going to take no for an answer, not that they can even try and tell her no due to the fact that she's a very stubborn woman; Matt will be the first to tell you that you can't say no to a Dawson. And that's precisely why Gabby just knows that Stella is going to want her here. "Stella, it's me; it's not Kelly." Turning her head, Stella looked at her best friend. "Can I come in and be with you?" Nodding, Stella agreed with Gabby as that was what she needed; just like she needed to be alone with her, which is why she's grateful that she closed the door. "Ok. Before you say anything, Matt already filled me in on what happened; and we're not going to talk about that." Stella agreed with her best friend as she made her way over to her and Kelly's bed so that they could sit with each other. "Here, I'm going to join you and we're going to talk."
Nodding, Stella just watched as Gabby opened the covers to her and Kelly's bed; after which, she set her water bottle down (which she brought from her room) down on Kelly's side table and got in with her best friend. After which, she just got close to her and took a breath as she closed the covers. "Come here girl, let me give you a hug." Stella agreed with Gabby as she hugged her, glad to have a friend here. "Sorry you feel like crap." Gabby shook her head, as that was the last thing she wanted to hear her say. "Ok. I don't want to hear that coming from you, because you feel worse. I can already see it." Stella then realized something. "Wait, w…" Interrupting her best friend, Gabby filled her in on how she knew. "Matt and Kelly are downstairs, he told him. He told him that you miscarried. But, I don't understand why you lied about why YOU wanted to come here. Sure, Kelly wants to be here for his dad; but you can come here to grieve too." Stella agreed with her best friend. "Sorry about that, I hate that I lied about that." Gabby shook her head.
After all, that was not how she wanted her friend to feel right now. "Stella, it's okay that you came here girl, because Hawaii is a great place to relax and take it easy; especially since I'm here, because you need me right now." Stella just looked at Gabby when she said that, deciding to listen to her. "Stella, I know what it's like to loose a child. Sure, I'm pregnant right now; but you're my best friend, and that means more to me. If you need me, then you tell me girl and we're going to talk." Stella agreed. "I know. I just hate that I didn't tell Kelly. That's why I'm really sad." Gabby agreed with her best friend, as she could understand that. "I didn't want him to loose another kid." Gabby sighed, well aware of what Stella was talking about; she was talking about how Kelly thought that his ex, Renee, was pregnant with "his" kid until Shay did the math. "Sweetie, I know what you're talking about; and I hope you know that you never need to hide this stuff from him. At the end of the day, Kelly loves you and that's why you can rely on him." Stella sighed.
After all, she wasn't sure about that. "Yeah, not too sure that's the truth when he just stormed out of here after yelling at me." Gabby agreed with her best friend, well aware that was the case. "This is no excuse. But, you have to remember that Kelly is dealing with a lot. He just lost his dad, and now he learned that you lost your child." Stella agreed. "I should've told him. I just hope this doesn't put what we have at risk. I love him and don't want to loose him Gabby." Gabby shook her head when Stella said that, not even wanting to think of a world where she and Kelly weren't together; especially since he's crazy for her. And they both know that's the truth. Kelly is madly in love with Stella, and they're going to be together for a long time; that's the truth. "Stella, Kelly loves you; and that's always going to be the truth. And I really hope you know that. Hell, I can see the two of you getting married just like me and Matt." Stella smiled when Gabby said that, as I knew that was the truth; that she and Kelly were perfect together.
Stella's POV:
Taking a breath when I heard Gabby tell me that Kelly loves me, and that he'll always love me; I couldn't help but smile a bit as I knew that deep down in my heart. I'm just so scared, especially since his dad just died. "He's just lost so much in the past couple weeks. His dad, and now the baby; I didn't want to add more if that makes sense." Gabby took a breath, while also reaching out for my hand; I just didn't know whether she understood where I came from. "Stella, I hate that it happened now too. And I can see where you're coming from. I know that all this has to be hard on the both of you." I nodded, agreeing with Gabby as I was glad that she understood; though, I always had a feeling she would. But now that I've seen Kelly's reacting, I was starting to wonder whether I did the right now. I just hoped that Gabby could help me out with that. "After seeing Kelly's reaction, I'm starting to second guess my decisions know; as I feel like I made the wrong choice, based on how he ran out of here." Gabby agreed with me, nodding.
I think it's due to the fact that she can sympathize with me as a woman. "I get that, and I think that you just need to remember that it's a lot of news to take in. But, I need to know something else. Are you doing okay Stella? I hate that you've been dealing with this alone." I sighed when Gabby mentioned that, well aware that I've been dealing with this alone; though, it was my fault. "I hate that part too, but…" However, before I could finish my thought, Gabby did it for me. "…you were worried for him, and what he's thinking about; you were worried about his mental state, and what this news would've done to him." I agreed with Gabby, as that was precisely what I was worried about, while also being grateful that Gabby knew the both of us so well. She's been friends with the both of us for a while, and she's been friends with Kelly for the longest time; so, she knows him (almost) as well as she does Matt. "Honestly Stella, I think he could've taken the news. I mean, he was great when we went through our loss, because he really helped Matt."
I agreed with Gabby. "I just hate that I felt like I couldn't tell him earlier, I should've told him but…" Gabby then stopped me. "Hey, don't you say another word girl. You did what you thought was right at the time, and that's all he could've asked for. Plus, you need to think about you as well. You probably were still processing it and coming to the reality that you lost the baby, which is your right. You can take the time you need to do that as well, as that's your right." I agreed with Gabby again, glad that she understood. "I remember how Matt was when he learned the same time as me, he felt like he needed to be there for me; rather than also grieving himself. But, I think that you waiting until you were here to tell him was a good move, as it means that he has Matt to talk to. I remember when we did it, we only had each other to talk about it. But now, we have you guys too." I agreed with Gabby. "Did you even know that you were pregnant?" I sighed. "I found out a couple weeks ago, I was going to tell Kelly and you guys over Christmas."
Gabby smiled. "That would've been the perfect Christmas gift for him, for what it's worth." I agreed with Gabby. "I found out I miscarried 72 hours ago." Gabby nodded, clearly shocked at how long ago. "So, you're still coming to terms with it too." I nodded, while also tearing up a bit, while Gabby took a breath. "Stella, there's no timeline for this. And while I get Kelly's mad, he'll come around because he knows that people deal with grief in many different ways. I mean, he abandoned Squad 3 when Shay died and went to his family cabin." I agreed with Gabby. "It's a nice place." Gabby smiled. "Listen, you need to talk to him. I know that you need to take time, but you also need to talk to him; it's something I learned from experience this past summer." I was confused when Gabby said that. "What are you talking about this past summer girl?"
Quick Note: As you know, this re-write only covers part of the original series, which means that there are some facts that I need to remind you guys on sometimes; and this is one of those times. In this story, you know that Gabby never had an aneurysm. But rather, the scan really showed something else. And that would be a pregnancy, which was misdiagnosed as an aneurysm. A pregnancy which Gabby later miscarried while she was in Puerto Rico. Until now, only she and Matt knew that they miscarried this past summer.
Gabby's POV:
Taking a breath as I thought back to last summer and one of the reasons why I didn't come back earlier, I couldn't help but just shuttered at the memories due to the fact that it was really sad; and it just made me feel horrible, as it made me understood just how Stella feels right now. And that's why I need to tell her the truth, that it wasn't just in 2015 that I learned what it feels like to loose a baby; but that I also learned this year how it feels. "Ok. I need to tell you something that only Matt knows. This isn't public knowledge even to my family, so you can't get mad at me for now knowing." Stella agreed with me. "It's why I understand this so well." Stella just got worried when I said that. "Oh no, when did you find out? This week too?" I shook my head, as it wasn't what she thought. "Oh, I'm still pregnant. Just take a breath and let me explain. I know this is a hard topic, but I am going to explain. Let me do that." Stella agreed, nodding as she was ready to let me explain what I was dealing with. After all, I need to tell her at some point.
So, I took a breath and did just that as I looked at my best friend. "Ok. So, this past summer…there was another reason why I did an extension in Puerto Rico." Stella agreed. "I hate that we didn't get to celebrate your birthday, by the way." I agreed with Stella. "I know, and I didn't get sex or comfort from my husband either." Stella agreed with me. "Yeah, that makes sense why Matt was in a bad mood that day." I nodded. "Well, he had no right when it was MY birthday. But that's now what I need to tell you, which is the reason why I didn't come back. Why we had to cancel our plans for my birthday." Stella agreed with me. "Yeah, what happened? Matt said that your friend got into an accident." I sighed, as that was the lie I told him; before later telling him the truth a couple months ago, now to share it with Stella. "The truth is, I didn't come back because I suffered a miscarriage the week before." Stella was shocked and seemed heartbroken as I told her that. "Oh god." I agreed with Stella, while also tearing up a bit as I hated the memory.
The memory of me having to deal with it alone, rather than with my husband. "Yeah, that was a hard time for me. Not being able to take it easy with Matt after. I know, I could've come back but…" Stella just looked at me. "Girl, you had so much going on. Your marriage was in shambles, and you just lost a baby. God, you, and Matt truly have been through WAY too much." I agreed with Stella, as that was the truth. "Yeah, we've been through a lot, and I just hate the fact that we're dealing with it still. I'm just glad we're pregnant again." I then went to add on. "And I'm sure that you and Kelly are going to get pregnant again, as you guys love each other more than anything." Stella smiled as I said that, before getting close and hugging me. "How did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend?" I smiled, agreeing with her as I hugged her. "I just hate that you're dealing with this right around Christmas girl." Stella agreed with me when I said that, just holding me as we both relaxed with each other.
Back downstairs with Matt and Kelly, the gracious host made his way back outside after getting him and Kelly some beers; after all, this was a time that called for him and his best friend to have beers, regardless of the fact that it was (a) the morning, and (b) Gabby was pregnant. He needs a drink right now, so he's going to make sure that they share a drink while they talk. "Here, take this and we can talk." Turning his head, Kelly agreed with his best friend when he saw that there was a beer in his hand; however, he was going to ask about the time. "In the morning?" Matt shrugged. "I think you need it, much more than you're concerned about what time it is." Kelly agreed with his best friend, as that was the truth. He then went to grab it and just took a breath as he went to open it, while Matt walked over to the other chair they have back here. Sitting down, Matt took off his sandals before putting his feet up and opening his own beer, while Kelly took a sip of his. "God, I feel like such an idiot right now." Turning his head, Matt looked at his best friend.
After all, he has no reason to feel like an idiot. "Hey, you can't prepare yourself for how you react to news like that." Kelly shook his head, sighing as he went to take a sip of his beer. "Still, I didn't have to react THAT way. I mean, I yelled at her when she's mourning and feels like crap." Matt agreed with his best friend, as that was the truth; while also being able to clearly see that he was still dealing with the news as they spoke. And even worse, he just hated that he lost this chance to be a dad; especially since he just has this feeling that Kelly would've been a great that. He doesn't deserve this, as they both deserve to be a father right now, which is why he probably yelled at Stella, because he was frustrated that he wasn't a father yet. A feeling which he can relate to, as he hated what he yelled at Gabby when they learned the news. "You hate the fact that you yelled at her like that?" Kelly agreed with his best friend. "I mean, wouldn't you feel like that if you yelled at Gabby that way?" Matt nodded, as he did feel that way. "Oh yeah, I did feel that way."
Kelly was confused when he heard Matt say that, before turning his head and looking at his best friend. "You didn't yell at Gabby like that when you lost your first kid." Matt shook his head, as that was true; however, not when it came to the time when she left. Which was a reason why he took a sip of his beer, ahead of (finally) telling Kelly about it. "But, I did yell at her when we thought she had an aneurysm, and when she still wanted to go ahead with having a baby." Kelly was confused. "What did you say?" Matt sighed. "I told her that she can't have a baby." Kelly was shocked when Matt told him that, as he thought that he was hearing wrong.
Kelly's POV:
When I heard Matt tell me that he, during a fight with his wife, told her that she CAN'T have a baby; I just knew he was telling me the truth, as you don't just make something up like that. And that was just worse than what I did…especially when Gabby is his wife. "Yikes, that really is the wrong way to say it. Wait, and she forgave you for saying that to her?" Matt sighed, nodding. "It took us months, but we figured it out on the road trip; and look at us now, we're pregnant." I agreed with him. "I'm glad. How'd you get over that speedbump though?" Matt sighed. "Well, I first explained to her that she's not the first woman I've lost." I agreed with Matt. "Hallie." Matt nodded. "And then, I told her how I see it. I mean, you obviously know how a woman get's pregnant." I agreed with Matt, as I'm not dumb. "Dude, I just got my own girlfriend pregnant." Matt agreed with me. "Well, for me…I equated me getting Gabby pregnant with me killing her." I was confused when I heard Matt say that, I didn't understand how that could be the truth.
So, I decided to ask for some clarity. "Ok, explain?" Matt agreed, doing just that for me. "I get her pregnant, pregnancy causes aneurysm to burst, aneurysm kills Gabby." I thought about it, while also continuing to listen to Matt. "It's a domino affect. I create the pregnancy, which means that I create the things that kills her; then I feel like I'm at fault." I agreed with Matt, understanding why he would feel that way as I can understand his logic. "For me, I can clearly follow that. I mean, I know it's hard when you're in a fight; but, it's pretty straightforward in my opinion." Matt agreed as he took another sip of his beer. "It was only after Gabby came back that she understood that, so I am well aware of the predicament that you find yourself right now. I know what it feels like to say something horrible to the woman you love and regret it the moment it leaves your lips. And I don't want to say that it's worse…but you said what you said to your girlfriend, I said what I said to my wife." I shook my head, as that was much worse in my opinion.
I sighed when Matt said that. "Matt don't even go there. Of course, what you said was worse. You said it to the woman you love, your wife, and the woman you were scared to loose." Matt agreed with me, taking a breath. "I'm just glad that Gabby came back as it gave us time to talk and work things through." I agreed with Matt as he said that, well aware that was the case. "Do you still think about what you said to Gabby?" Matt nodded. "Yeah, as a reminder about how NOT to talk to my wife; how not to loose her, and how I want to be with her for the rest of my life." I agreed with Matt, well aware that was the case. I knew that he loved his wife, and that he was more than ready to be with her for the rest of his life. "I mean, you do call her the woman of your dreams." Matt agreed with me, smiling. "It's one of the days I will never forget, along side Andy's Death, Hallie's Death, the day we lost our baby, our wedding, me saying goodbye to Gabby, and that day; the day that I thought was going to end our marriage." I sighed as I looked at Matt.
"Do you still relive Andy's death?"
Matt's POV:
When Andy asked me whether I still relive Andy's death, I agreed with him as I do. "Yeah, and it's getting worse." Kelly seemed to be confused when I said that. "How?" I sighed. "Because I'm having a baby man. I'm having a kid of my own. And I remember what I needed to tell Heather and the boys, which just makes me feel horrible if that was Gabby and our daughter." Kelly smiled when I said that. "You're having a daughter?" I agreed with Kelly, smiling. "Yeah, so now I dream about it at times; but instead of it being Heather and the boys, it's Gabby and our daughter." Kelly agreed with me, before taking a breath. "By the way, you never told me that you told Heather and the boys. Did you really?" I nodded, agreeing with Kelly as I did go tell Heather in person. "I felt like I had a duty. He wasn't just another guy on my truck, he was our best friend. Kelly, I was the best man in his wedding; I'm Ben and Griffin's godfather, and I've helped raised them in ways you don't know." Kelly agreed with me, well aware that was the case.
Taking a breath, I sighed. "So, I decided that it was my job to tell them that he died. They needed to hear it from me, from the guy who promised to protect him." Kelly nodded. "I can't even imagine how hard that was." Turning my head, I took a breath as I decided that it was finally time to talk to Kelly about that time. "Add in the fact that my other best friend was at my throat all the time, rather than grieving with me wasn't helpful. If it wasn't enough hat I had to help my two godsons grieve the loss of their father, I also had to bring in a new candidate to my team; just weeks after I lost my best friend and had to tell his family that he died right in front of me, while I was on the ladder. Kelly, do you not remember that part? I was on the latter behind him when he died." Kelly gulped, agreeing with me. "I had to watch him turn into ashes. And then, just weeks later I had a candidate to train while dealing with mourning. Oh, and guess who I had as a temporary floater?" Kelly looked at me. "God, it was Johnston!" I agreed. "Smug ass Johnston."
Kelly agreed with me. "Yep, so I had a hell of a time after he died; and then you were always on me. So, I am not happy about that. However, I do plan on trying to make things better for the future; including something I recently thought about, and that I wanted your opinion on." Kelly was confused, by agreed with me. "And what's that?" Smiling, I went to tell him about something I thought about.
"The Shay-Darden-Severide Memorial Health Clinic."