Trigger Warning:
- discussion of rape
- discussion of mental health
- mention of suicide
- crude language
By the time crucial matters are sorted, curfew time has long since passed.
Bakugou returned to his room to settle in for the night.
I was supposed to go, too, but I'm not ready.
Tsukauchi-san inspected both crime scenes. After taking pictures and closing off the area, he promised to return the cane, pendant, and phone after scanning it for fingerprints. However, he demanded that Selene's other articles – namely, her clothes and belt – be handed to police custody. Aizawa-sensei reconvened with the other teachers and the principal, discussing future courses of action. There was no way they could take matters lightly now that a student was found half-dead. Recovery Girl worked on Selene's treatment. She said that despite her quirk and colleagues' finesse, the operation would take a long time. Selene would likely wake up tomorrow morning.
In the meantime, I contacted an ally of mine: Sasaki-san. For now, I delayed giving my statement to the police. I convinced Bakugou to hold off as well. But when Selene wakes up, she and I will have to provide our testimonies. We will need Sasaki-san's help for that. He knows how to navigate the situation better than either of us.
He's inside the infirmary, talking with Tsukauchi-san. When he comes outside, he finds me sitting on a bench in the waiting area.
"Good evening, Shouto-kun," he greets. I mumble a quick hello in return. "Would you like to go to an animal shelter with me?"
The request catches me off guard. Under these circumstances and under these settings, you want to invite me to an animal shelter with you? I almost voice the incredulous remark when I manage to hold my tongue back at the last moment. The first time, he set up a meeting at a cat café. After that, we had a video call in a fancy restaurant. I should know better at this point. Sasaki-san likes to have serious discussions in the most juxtaposing places.
"Sensei won't allow me. Technically, I'm supposed to be back at the dorms with Bakugou," I murmur.
Sasaki-san winks and smiles. "No one will know if no one sees us. And I promise I'll bring you back to campus before he notices."
I raise an eyebrow and get up from my seat. I'm curious as to how he intends on achieving that. But then my high hopes plummet to the ground. It's way past eight p.m. Hardly anyone is inside the building at this time. So who the hell is going to stop us from strolling right up to the main gate and opening it?
A car is waiting outside. A suave metallic grey Lexus sedan. People say that cars say a lot about a person's personality. I'm not sure how much truth there is to that statement, but this model definitely shouts Sasaki Reo-san. Analytical. Sensible. Reliable. Also senior citizen and patriotic to Japan. He tells me to hop into the passenger seat while he drives. The interior is awesome, too. When I buy a car of my own, this one will definitely be on the list of options.
On the ride, I ask him, "So why the animal shelter? Any special occasion or just because?"
"Actually, there is a motive," Sasaki-san chuckles. "A selfish reason and a benevolent one." He glances at me with side eyes, and I cannot resist the urge to let out a small laugh of my own. It's become an inside joke between us now: having noble and egotistical motivations for performing any action.
"Care to share with the class?"
"So the self-centered reason is that my grandson's birthday is coming in April, and he has been begging to adopt a dog since his last. He will be turning eleven, so I want to surprise him with a puppy that will grow up with him. I need your help with that. And the charitable reason is that I want to be someone you can talk to. After all, you must be under a lot of stress right now, no?"
He's not wrong. I've been trying to ignore it for a while now, but after I placed Selene on that hospital bed, the volcano of fury inside me stopped erupting. Don't get me wrong; I'm still livid at what happened to the girl I love. But now lava simply steadily streams from the mouth. A pervasive sense of misery rained down like a storm, dampening the anger. "Yeah. When Selene wakes up, she's going to need someone to support her. I know I have to be strong for her, but at the moment, I am feeling anything but strong."
Sasaki-san has this presence about him. Maybe it's because he is a good father and grandfather, or maybe it's just his personality. However, I feel like I can share my problems with him while feeling safe and respected. He nods at my every sentence, silently encouraging me to keep going. "That's understandable," he says after I finish. Though his eyes never leave the road, I know that his ears are attentive toward me. "As a parent and a lawyer, I make it a point to listen to every perspective when making a judgment. I've heard the story from Tsukauchi-san and your teachers. But I want to know it from you."
So I tell him. Every detail, including the ones I omitted from Aizawa-sensei. After all, Sasaki-san knows about Selene's trauma more than I do. By the time we reach the animal shelter, I have finished the tale.
We step out of the car and go inside. It is a PETA-certified center, so that gives me plenty of relief. I can trust that the pets here are well taken care of. Sasaki-san goes to the receptionist and fills out some forms. Then she escorts us inside the dog sector of the shelter and leaves us to select. Normally, a facility like this won't be open this late into the night, but I guess Sasaki-san pulled some strings with the owner.
Behind glass shields are all varieties of puppies. Of course, there are the popular Maltipoos, Pugs, and Pomeranians. The dogs that remain small in stature even during adulthood. Medium size ones include the Golden Retriever, Labradors, and Border Collie amongst others. Then there are the ones who will grow into big dogs. German shepherds, Samoyeds, and Great Danes. It's not everyone's taste, but I like large dogs. Fun to play with and good for defense. Besides, service animals are usually from the medium and large categories, so they're useful in that, too.
Though, I'm guessing those are not the priorities by which Sasaki-san is deciding which puppy to adopt.
"So, Sasaki-san," I begin. If I'm going to aid him in selecting the perfect dog, I have to know which criteria mean the most to him. "What are you looking for?"
"Hmm. My grandson is an energetic bundle of enthusiasm and joy, so I would like for him to have a companion who can keep up with his vivacious nature. But I also want the puppy to have decent health and ability to be easily trained. No attitude." That was not what I meant by providing criteria. Yet how do I ask him to elaborate? The question must be visible as daylight on my face because Sasaki-san grins. "I'm an old man now. My memory of my younger days is not so great, so I don't know what youngsters prefer these days. However, you were eleven years old once, Shouto-kun. I'm sure your memory is fresher than mine. So you tell me? What kind of dog would you have liked to grow up with when you were an eleven-year-old boy?"
So that's why he needed my help. Well, I get to it. Instead of making cursory glances at the animals, I pay more attention to each one this time.
It is then that Sasaki-san resumes our previous conversation: my riotous feelings.
He asks, "Do you have an idea whom the perpetrator is?" I give him a quizzical look. "Don't worry. There are no cameras here."
I sigh, "Yeah. Miyamoto. Hanada-shi. And I think there was at least one other person involved. Probably Kurosawa, Miyamoto's girl friend. Do you recall that video clip recording the phone conversation between Hanada-shi and Miyamoto?" The label for the first dog reads 'poodle.' No offense to the breed or any owners, but a poodle is not exactly who I imagine my pet companion could have been.
Sasaki-san nods. "That makes sense. Obtaining knowledge of the traps, stalking Selene into the bathroom and fighting her, then proceeding to assault her … that could not have been possible if just one person was in on it. Personally, I believe the perpetrator had more than one accomplice, but only forensic evidence and Selene's testimony will be able to verify that."
I don't know what to say to that. Deep down, I had suspected as much but was too afraid to say so. That would have meant that Selene had unwarrantedly made so many enemies. So many people whose fragile egos couldn't handle the fact that she was just as capable, if not more, than them.
The next dog is a chihuahua. Nope. This one is notorious for having an attitude. My belief is confirmed when the tiny yet angry animal barks at me nonstop, as though it's asserting its dominance as the king of the world. "When I found Selene, I was so enraged," I murmur. "This is not going to sound very heroic from me, but I felt the urge to kill the people responsible. That was how much hate surged inside me. But after it died down, it left me with so much disgust and resentment.
"Why?" I choke out, unable to repress the tempest of despair. "Why does she have to suffer so much? Selene is the sweetest girl I have met. What did she ever do to garner people's hatred like this?" Sasaki-san begins saying something, but now that I've let a sliver escape, I cannot control the flood. "You know, Sasaki-san. I realized today how different it is to know something and actually see proof of it. For the longest time I knew that she was being abused. That she had haphephobia and agoraphobia because of her trauma. She wore gloves and full-length clothes as armor to protect herself. And then on the night of the funeral at the Hanada-shi manor, I watched Hanada-shi hit her. I heard from Bakugou that she was molested by Miyamoto while I was in bed, sick. Today I saw the extent to which Miyamoto intended to hurt her." He says nothing now. I think he realizes how important it is for me to get all of this out of my system. The name of the next breed is too blurry for me to read. Tears, I notice, are welling up in my eyes.
"Selene suffers from nightmares. She takes sleeping pills, so that she can sleep a dreamless sleep. Now will any amount of drug help her overcome this?
"Sasaki-san, I have a question to ask you. When I asked Ahearn-san, she didn't give me a clearcut answer, which only consolidated my suspicions. I hope you can be honest with me."
His expression is unreadable. So his is careful tone. "Go ahead."
"Is Selene a victim of rape?"
"That's not my place to tell."
"Please, Sasaki-san. You've known me long enough to understand my character. No matter what the answer is, my love for Selene is not so shallow that the possibility she is not a virgin is going to dissuade me." When he still refuses to respond, I push him a little harder. "You've known Hanada-shi for years. And you're helping us arrest him. You cannot deny the truth: Selene will never discuss her past unless there is no choice. And Hanada-shi is going to learn what happened. In fact, I think he'll come onto school grounds first thing tomorrow morning and threaten her to tell the police a falsified story. Do you want that?"
Sasaki-san shakes his head. I do not doubt that he has thought of these situations beforehand but voicing fears gives them substance. It makes one understand the gravity of the problem.
"When the police question her, they'll ask her about the assault," I continue. "Dredge up dark memories from the deepest recesses of her mind. They will definitely ask her if something like this has happened before. I don't want her to panic. That's why I have to know. I have to beat Hanada-shi by convincing her to reveal the truth."
I blink back enough tears for me to finally decipher the breed name: shih tzu. The puppy looks at me with narrow eyes, obviously judgmental of my emotional outburst. I don't blame it. I move onto the next dog.
As the seconds tick by, I start losing hope that Sasaki-san will answer my question. My expectations are refuted. In a solemn tone, belaying years of disappointment, he murmurs, "Yes."
My head whips toward him. He spoke so quietly that I almost believe that I misheard him. However, he raises his gaze to meet mine and in that same somber expression, he repeats just a little louder, "Yes. Selene is a rape victim. Of multiple rapes over the course of many years."
I should be surprised.
Intense emotions such as earth-shattering shock, sky-roaring revelation, sea-churning awakening should be swirling inside me.
Yet I am not. I am the furthest thing from astonished or epiphanized.
A harsh laugh escapes my throat. Incredulous, throaty, maniacal. Slowly it becomes louder and louder, increasing in madness. I clutch my stomach to ease the pain. That does absolutely nothing. Sasaki-san watches me devolve into insanity as I fall to my knees and keel over. I can imagine what the dogs are thinking. In dog language, they must be criticizing me. Look at this psycho human. He's positively rabid, and the humans call us animals!
Sasaki-san calls out my name. I ease the chuckling just enough to wipe the tear streaks from my face. I face him. He has bent to my level and is touching my shoulder. "Hanada Asahi is a fucking bastard!" I breathe out between bouts of laughter. All manners regarding language in front of the elderly have flown out the window. "Miyamoto Akutenshi is a scummy asshole! So are his friends! So is every fucktard on the planet who so much as dared to think of hurting Selene! Screw them all! Even hell will turn its back on them!" I'm shouting by the time I finish my rant. The puppies have scampered as far back as their glass cages will allow.
"I'm horrible, too," I say. It comes out so hushed after the burst.
Hands squeeze my shoulders and turn me to face the owner. Sasaki-san counters with, "You are not a terrible person, Shouto-kun. Don't compare yourself to those parasites!"
I shake my head. "Selene was … she was … she was actively raped while I befriended her. She was being hurt before that as well, and I was so stupid that I couldn't piece it together until it was too late." More tears slip forth.
"It's not too late! What you have done for her is not nothing."
"No, Sasaki-san. All this time I hounded her with my problems, my issues, my Dad, and the hatred I had toward him. She listened to me every time and consoled me. She helped me come to terms with what I felt and what I had to do, when she was suffering, too. Her pain is so much greater than mine. I had no right to push my trauma onto her."
Trembles course up and down my body as the steady stream of tears turns into a full onslaught. A flood that takes no name of stopping. Warm arms wrap around me. The scent of sage cologne permeates the air. As Sasaki-san continues hugging me, he whispers, "Your emotions are clouding your rationale right now. Let me help you clear them." He pulls back just enough and orders me to look him in the eye. "Listen to me carefully, Todoroki Shouto. The fact that Selene has experienced more agony than you did does not make your trauma any less ignorable. If you keep thinking that there are people out there who have suffered more than you did, you will never live in peace. I only met Selene this year but kept tabs about her since the day she was adopted. So believe me when I say that you have done more for her than anyone did. Than I did."
He narrates the story of her adoption. I hang onto every word because it explains how she got entangled in this mess in the first place. I knew that Selene was abandoned at birth, but I did not know that she was four years old when her arthritis manifested. I also did not know that Hanada-shi came to visit her when her illness was so relentless that she was confined to a wheelchair. As I continue listening, I notice the nuances that four-year-old Selene would have never comprehended until much later. Hanada-shi made her sing a nursery rhyme for him just to humor her. His real motives were to gauge her usefulness. Asking about her disease, inquiring about her quirk … from the start he never had any intention of becoming a parental figure in her life. Humans crave love. An orphan like Selene more so than others. Hanada-shi understood that need and exploited it for his own agenda.
"I know about her suicide attempts," he adds on. "Every time she endeavored, she ended up in the hospital, and I collaborated with the doctors to hide the real reason. Since the day she met you, not once had she tried to kill herself. She is at her happiest when she is with you. You treat her with the respect and love that she has always craved. You see her as someone more than a limper or a pair of legs, and you encourage her to recognize her potential." I realize that he understands that the writing-drawing competition thing was my idea. My hands rise to return the gesture. "I also know about her sleeping medication. Her purchase frequency has lessened significantly since meeting you. She speaks highly of you. She trusts you more than anyone else.
"Those moments you speak of when Selene comforted you. That was her reciprocating the generosity you showed her. Do you think if she were watching you right now, listening to you blame yourself unjustifiably, would she want you to do that? Tell me something, Shouto-kun. Do you think Selene has ever blamed you for her suffering?"
I reflect on the question. Every moment we shared together since that one fateful summer day flashes through my mind. No. Not once did I get the impression she held me responsible. Even when I behaved poorly with her after our falling out, she accepted all my accusations. And other instances where I stepped out of line, she always apologized first, thinking that she was at fault for my actions. Silently, I disagree.
"So why do you blame yourself?"
Because as a lover and a best friend, I should do more for her. I should have done more for her from the start. The things I did are not nearly enough. Selene warrants every gram of care and deference, but she also deserves justice. I wonder how much misery I could have prevented if I had been a little wiser.
"And if despite all things, you insist on remaining so stubborn, tell me what do you intend to do with this knowledge?"
Before I get the chance to respond, Sasaki-san plops a Siberian husky pup into my lap. It has heterochromatic eyes – one winter blue and one summer green. With a mottled coat of cocoa and cream, the puppy is beautiful. I don't know whether it is a boy or a girl, but it has already taken a liking toward me. It whines softly and nuzzles into my neck, reflecting my distress while seemingly demanding an answer. Sasaki-san says that while I managed to freak out all the dogs, this one recovered first. Though it's so young, the puppy's eyes appear as a well of intelligence. The purity and innocence of them drag the response out of me.
Cradling it, I mutter, "For starters, I'll stop self-pitying myself." That elicits a subtle nod from Sasaki-san. After all, that was what he was trying to get me to do. I scratch the dog's chin, which evokes low growls of contentment. Tentatively, I explain to Sasaki-san my plan of persuading Selene to expose Miyamoto's and his accomplices' names. When he assures me that it will work, I also state my idea of shifting Selene from the Hanada manor to my home temporarily.
The husky rolls over onto its back, inviting me to rub its belly. It barks delightfully when I acquiesce.
Sasaki-san watches this behavior closely. "I noticed this when we met at the cat café, and I am seeing it again now. Shouto-kun, you are very good with animals. They say that people who get along with animals have kind souls. What you are suggesting is further proof of your goodness. Again, give yourself more credit. I like your idea. By all means, you should discuss that with Selene. However, also remember to discuss it with your family. Maybe I should adopt two dogs tonight, and give this one to you."
I glance at him as soon as he finishes that statement. "Please, Sasaki-san. Don't. Your help has been invaluable. That in itself is a gift."
"But I do not want to leave either you or the puppy with a heavy heart," he refutes.
"Then surprise your grandson with this husky. Capable of keeping up with energy yet adept at training. I'm sure he'll love it. Wish him happy birthday for me, too."
I pass the dog to Sasaki-san, who never breaks eye contact with me as he accepts. "Wish him happy birthday yourself."
Huh? "What do you mean?"
"I kept hoping you would figure it out on your own, but you, my boy, are amusingly clueless at the strangest of times." My confused silence is enough of an indication for him to continue. "Little boy. Turning eleven. Birthday in April. Enthusiastic and lively. Sound familiar?"
Seconds pass as I try to put the puzzle pieces together. Then my eyes widen. "You mean-"
"Yes." A winning smile pulls at both corners of Sasaki-san's mouth. "Fujiwara Akira is my grandson, and his father is my son-in-law."
I stare at Sasaki-san with new eyes. How did I forget that this man is one of the country's most sought-out lawyers? "That's why you took the initiative to reach out to Selene. That's how Selene convinced Fujiwara-san to serve as a witness in court. You have personal resentment toward Hanada-shi."
He sighs begrudgingly. "She is the kind of person who always searches for leverage over allies and enemies, in case that information proves to be useful for her purposes. It was a dirty method. Admittedly, my hands are not cleansed with milk either. Eye scum laughing at nose scum. I can hardly rebuke her for her cunning when I do the same. This was also another selfish motivation for incarcerating Hanada Asahi, one that I did not tell you."
"So why tell me now?"
"Because I had underestimated both you and Selene. I never imagined you would reach out to my son-in-law, of all people, and I never thought that Selene would exploit that knowledge. Not something I am proud to confess. What puts me in a more difficult position is that my grandson is very fond of you. He looks up to you. I would hate to break his heart. So I expect you and Selene to attend my son's birthday and continue visiting from time to time." He glances at the dog, who barks at him curiously. "If not for Akira, then at least for the puppy."
"I'm going to come for both," I retort instantly.
Wait, why did I reply so fast?
"Good answer. Now come. I have more forms to fill out, and I need to drop you off."
"You're adopting the husky tonight?"
"When else? I already postponed this event so many times because of the court case."
Inside the car, the cocoa and cream puppy dozes comfortably on a dog bed.
"Thank you, Sasaki-san," I say when I buckle my seatbelt.
He glances at me sidelong, waiting for an elaboration.
He grins, "Express your gratitude when Hanada Asahi and his conspirators spend the rest of their lives in jail."