Chapter 9
The tears did come now, and he let them. Jessica used her thumb to wipe them away. "Can you believe me now? Can you trust me?" Seth nodded. "Then why don't we get married, Seth?" she asked quietly.
"Married? Now? No." He shook his head. "No. No, I would never yoke you to me like that. I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to me."
"I don't feel obligated to you, you stubborn ass! I love you. I love you, and I want to be with you, whether we're married or not." She puffed her cheeks and blew in frustration. "I am with you. You're a part of me. Especially now."
"That." He pointed at her. "That right there."
"What?"
"Especially now," he repeated. "None of this…" He flapped his hand between them. "None of this would have happened without…" He couldn't bring himself to say David's name. "Without that boy from Seattle," he finished in a broken voice.
"Oh, Seth," she breathed. "Oh my darling." She paused and hugged herself. "You are a part of me, Seth. That's true. And it's true that I didn't want to admit it. Until…until recently. This situation with David has changed me," she said quietly "I'm not trying to deny that. I will have to work at doing some of the things that I used to take for granted. But that doesn't mean…I'm not making this, us, up out of whole cloth, Seth. This isn't one of my stories…one of my fictions. What I feel for you is true."
Her eyes were like ice. "Do you really think that I could give myself to you, that I could go to bed with you, so casually? That I would be so free with you if I didn't…What kind of a person do you think I am?"
She dropped her arms from her sides and massaged her forehead, sighing. "I'm beginning to wonder what kind of person you are, Seth, if you could have such a low opinion of me," she said softly.
"If I had a low opinion of you, Jess, we wouldn't be here right now. You know I don't think…that…of you. It's just…"
"What?" asked Jessica as she stood, vexed.
"I have nothing to offer you, Jess. I can't give you any of the things you deserve. I wouldn't even be able to take care of you!"
Jessica put her hands on her hips. "Seth Hazlitt. Have we just had a terrible row over replacing a mattress?"
"It's not about the mattress, and you know it." He exhaled in frustration. "There's no use in pretending. Look at me. I'm 58 years old. I'm not penniless, but I'm right next door to it. It took everything I had to clear Ruth's medical bills and pay for Margie's tuition. That's why I live above my office. That's why I don't have a new mattress or new furniture or anything nice. That's why the car I drive is ten years old. I just don't have that kind of money. I can't compete with the men you go out with. I can't offer you what they do. I mean… Jessica, you move in pretty rarefied circles these days! You know that. You're not Jessica Fletcher from Cabot Cove, Maine any more."
"No, Seth. That's true," she said carefully. "The men I've met are well off. Wealthy," she corrected at a look from Seth.
"Jessica, I'm trying to be honest with you. It would kill me if you woke up one day six months from now…a year from now. Hell, ten years from now and you had even a sliver of regret about marrying me." He choked back a cry. "No, no. We cannot get married right now."
"Huh, I see. If you had money, and I didn't, then what? Would you marry me then?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, Jess, that's different."
"How? How is that different? Am I not a human being?"
"Yes, of course. Of course you're a human being, woman. Don't be ridiculous!"
"I'm not being ridiculous! I'm deadly serious. What if you had the money and I didn't?'
"Well..well, I just..I mean I would..." He scrubbed his face with his hands. "Of course you know I would share it with you. I'd give it to you. You know that."
"Then, why? Why all this fuss? Why won't you take it from me?"
"I'm embarrassed, Jessica. I'm ashamed," he said quietly. "I'm ashamed that I don't have any more to show for my life."
Jessica sat beside him and reached for his hands. "Don't you dare," she said fiercely. "Don't you dare say that." Tears welled in her eyes. They caught the light and sparkled on her lashes. "You are a kind and loving man, Seth. You cared for your wife. You did everything you could…I tried to close my ears to all the gossip about you, Seth. I really did. I didn't want to hear those private things about you. I just wanted to know you as you. But, I think you know how hard it is to live in this town and ignore gossip. And I heard how you struggled. I heard how you sold almost everything you owned. I heard how you worked two jobs…you kept your own practice going, and you picked up shifts at the hospital. You made Margie go to college. She didn't want to go, but you insisted. You did all of those things. All of that while you were grieving the loss of your beloved wife."
"So don't ever tell me you have nothing to offer. I see what you have to offer every day. Every day I see it. How many patients do you treat and never send them a bill? How many times do you accept what the insurance company pays you and close the statement…regardless of whether it's enough for you to live on or not? And still you find time to volunteer around town. Sit in boring committee meetings to plan all those events that you have no interest in. You love this town. You love these people, as much as they aggravate and annoy you. And what you've done for me…leaving David aside—"
He pulled his hands from hers. "We can't leave David aside—"
"We can, Seth. We can and we will," she said fiercely. "At least for now. You kept me real...do you understand? When I was in a fair way of having my head turned by all that meaningless hoopla that surrounds even a retired English teacher turned mystery writer."
She closed the gap between them and put her hands in his. "You remind me every day that I'm Jessica, Jess, and that you love me. I knew you loved me long before any of this. I knew. Of course I knew. For heaven's sake," she said with a smile. "Did you really think I could be fooled by your utter lack of knowledge about antiques?" She laughed at the shocked look on his face and moved just that much closer to him. "You never seemed the Shirley Temple type." She winked, then kissed him lightly to take any sting out of her words.
"I was just too afraid to admit it. I couldn't allow myself to love you. Not then." She saw the question in Seth's eyes. "I had to be able to stand on my own two feet, Seth. I had to. No one believed I could. Do you know how many invitations I received to stay indefinitely at one brother's house or another? My married nieces? Even Grady!" She scoffed. "They all believed me to be helpless without Frank." She shook her head at the memory. "I wasn't always sure what to do," she said quietly. "But I managed," she said firmly. "I managed, and I was…afraid…to give up that extremely hard-won independence. Plus," she said as she dropped his hands and took a step back. "Once I learned I could do it, I began to enjoy myself. Enjoy the freedom. But." She pointed her finger at him. "That doesn't mean I didn't recognize that you were becoming more and more important to me. It meant that I wanted to ignore those feelings for as long as I could."
They were quiet for a long moment. Jessica looked lost in thought, and Seth waited, albeit impatiently. He was desperate to hear more of her thoughts.
"So yes. Yes, in some sense, what happened with David forced me to admit how I really felt. He knew it. He teased me about it, even."
"What?"
"It's alright," she soothed. She moved closer to him and put a hand to his cheek. "I didn't put that in my notes. I never wanted you to know that he knew how I felt. He knew I was lying to myself." She dropped her hand from his cheek and looked past his shoulder for a long moment. When she turned her face to his, her eyes were glittering and he felt a curious rush of adrenaline. "That's the only credit I'll ever give him again, Seth." She took his face in her hands and kissed him softly. "I love you. I've loved you for longer than I was willing to admit." She folded herself in his arms and he pressed her to him.
"And I was afraid that you'd find out that I loved you and you'd leave me."
"And now?"
"It's hard to take it all in, Jess. I know what I feel from you. I know what I hear you say. But, what if…what if one day you do regret being with me? What if the difference in our incomes—"
"But Seth," she interrupted. "In all of our time together, have we ever let money get in the way?"
"It was in the way, Jess. It was."
She took his face in her hands. "And is it in the way now?" She kissed him softly. "I could give it all up."
"Don't be ridiculous." Jessica raised her eyebrows. "What would we live on?" He was relieved that she laughed heartily. "I'm not saying we can get married anytime soon. But once we put David Tolliver behind us…truly behind us... then yes. I will ask you to marry me, Jessica Fletcher."
"Oh Seth, I love you. I love you so much." She drew her to him in a fierce embrace. "Does this mean that things can be as they were before?"
Seth raised his eyebrows playfully. "Just what are you hinting at, Mrs. Fletcher?"
"I'm just wondering if you might be interested in staying over…for the rest of our lives."
"Ha! Alright, woman. You've got yourself a deal. Let's shake on it."
As she pulled back to take his hand, Seth clasped her hand, pulling her to him so that he could kiss her. "I love you, Jessica. I love you."
"I love you, darling."
After a few pleasant moments, he pulled out of her embrace. "I forgot something! I'll be right back."
Jessica watched him leave, curious. He came through the kitchen to the living room, holding David Copperfield in one hand. "I hoped we might need this tonight."
Jessica burst out laughing. "Oh, Seth. Oh, my." She wiped a tear from her eye as she walked over to him. "I don't think we'll have much time for reading tonight, do you?"
Seth's eyes bugged out as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the love and desire she felt.
Jessica was at the stove scrambling eggs. "Seth?"
"A-yuh?" he replied as he fiddled with the coffeemaker.
"Susan wants me to do a few puff pieces before I sit down with Barbara Walters."
"So you're going to do it?"
She looked at him over her shoulder, concerned. "You don't think I should?"
"Not that it matters what I think, woman, but I happen to agree with Susan. A few practice interviews before meeting with Barbara Walters makes sense."
"I mean, do you think I should do the interview? I could cancel."
"Jessica, that's up to you." He switched on the coffeemaker, then put a reassuring arm around her. "You have my total support. If you say, Seth, I'm doing the Barbara Walters interview, I say well and good! If you say, Seth, I'm canceling the interview, I say well and good."
"Who are you and what have you done with Seth Hazlitt?" asked Jessica drily.
"Har har." He squeezed her shoulder. "I mean it, Jess. When I've got an opinion I think is sensible and useful, I'll share it. And I do think it's better that you face this thing head on. Where are these…what did you call them…puff pieces? I mean, who are they with?"
"One's with the Ladies Home Journal and one's with the Boston affiliate for PBS. They've agreed to let Marty James interview me. Marta who goes by Marty? We met in Boston."
"I remember. I read that article. Thought it was a good piece."
"You did?"
"I suppose I can confess now that I read all the articles about you, Jess. Jane pulls 'em for me."
"Does she?"
"Indeed she does. Watch the eggs, woman!"
Flustered, Jess pushed the eggs around the pan a few more times, then took it off the heat. "Could you get us some—" She stopped as she turned to face Seth, grinning, with two plates in his hand. Smiling, she spooned eggs onto each.
"Coffee's ready," said Seth as he set the plates on the table.
"You read all the articles about me?"
"A-yuh. It helped some when you were away. Course I never liked seeing those pictures of you on your dates…" He winked conspiratorially at her as he handed her a cup of coffee, and she laughed.
"They weren't dates, Seth."
"We'll have to agree to disagree on that, Mrs. Fletcher." He smiled as he started in on his eggs. "Eggs are delicious, Jess," he said around a mouthful.
"I'm glad you're enjoying them. I thought you might be hungry this morning." It was her turn to wink at him. "What time do you have to be back at the office?"
"Why?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Thinking of requesting another performance?"
Jessica laughed again. "No, but I should think you'd want to change before you see your first patient."
"Point taken, Jess." He pushed back from the table and took his empty plate to the sink. "Are you traveling for any of these interviews?"
"I will have to go to Boston next week."
"I could get Tom to cover for me," he said circumspectly.
"I was thinking…" Seth let the silence grow between them. "I was thinking I could go to Boston myself, Seth. I'll definitely need you in New York for the Barbara Walters interview," she said hastily. "But I think I can manage Boston."
Seth smiled at her. "I know you can, Jess. I remember how you liked Marty. Will you stay overnight?"
"Maybe. I haven't made up my mind about that, yet. Susan will be with me, and she'll probably stay over. I'm still thinking about it."
"A-yuh. You've still got time to decide." He bussed her on the cheek, then felt for his car keys. "I ought to run, Jess. Call the office if you need me."
"I will." She kissed him lightly on the mouth. "I love you," she said quietly.
He smiled and squeezed her hand. "I love you, Jess. I'll see you this afternoon."
She puttered around the kitchen, absently putting things away. If she was going to be on television next week, she ought to run by Loretta's and have a trim. Maybe Susan would book her into that same hotel. She did enjoy their spa.
"It was good to see Jessica, wasn't it?"
"Yes," agreed Loretta. "Real good."
"I don't know how she leaves her house," said Ideal.
"I don't know how she stays there," said Phyllis wryly.
"The good doctor's been keeping watch," said Eve slyly.
"Now don't be catty, Eve," warned Phyllis. "We all know what she's been through. What the both of them have been through." Phyllis eyed Eve sharply. "You better than most, I imagine."
"Who me?" asked Eve. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."
Phyllis scoffed. "How's Ron?"
Eve had the grace to appear flustered. "He's well. Quite well, actually."
"Hmph," said Phyllis. "And what's more—"
"What's more is you met the murderer!" blurted Ideal.
"He's not a murderer," said Eve reflexively.
"Maybe not officially," said Ideal. "But you should read the papers. They've got him in Seattle, you know."
"Yes, I know. The whole town knows. Why do you think Doc lets Jess ride her bike all over creation?"
"Looks like they're over at her place for good now."
"Can you blame her? Even with what happened it'd be hard to stay in those pokey old rooms above his office."
"Now ladies," warned Loretta. She didn't mind gossip as a rule, but Jessica was her best tipper. She wasn't about to jeopardize that.
"How would you know what Doc's rooms look like anyway, Eve?"
"Who do you think handles the tenants for Old Mr. Andersen?"
"It was a terrible thing that happened, and it could have been much worse," said Loretta. "It's nice that Jessica has such a good friend in Doc Hazlitt."
"Friend?" shrieked Eve. "Friend, indeed." Her laugh had a touch of hysteria. "After what Marvin said about the two of them-"
"Marvin?" scoffed Phyllis.
"Friend," said Loretta firmly. "Until we know different. And we don't know different yet. And I'll wager Marvin doesn't know his head from a hole in the ground," she muttered darkly. She finished combing out Ideal's perm. "Besides, they both deserve a little happiness, if even half of what Andy said is true."
"He's a terrible gossip," said Eve and Phyllis guffawed. "You're right, Loretta. It's just habit."
"And sour grapes," snarked Phyllis.
"Oh, you," replied Eve. "I'm grateful! I met that young man, you remember." Eve shuddered involuntarily. "We all heard what he tried to do to Jessica. And to the Doc."
"Besides," said Phyllis, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. "Without them, you'd have never met Ron."
They all laughed reflexively.
"If Jess and the Doc are together, then I for one am glad," said Loretta stoutly. "At least something positive will have come from all this."
The women nodded their assent as a pall settled over the room. They'd all read the newspaper accounts, but hadn't discussed them, as though by tacit agreement. Loretta smiled grimly to herself. If that's what it took to remind Phyllis and Eve of what had been at stake—and what remained at stake—she was glad.
Jessica was pensive that evening. She was packed for her trip to Boston, but of course she wasn't feeling the excitement that usually preceded her trips. Seth would drive her to Portland tomorrow where she would catch the train to Boston. She would be back home on Friday. Ridiculous, she fumed. I've made this trip dozens of times now. She sighed. No amount of sensible self-talk was going to make her any less apprehensive. She'd spoken with Jim yesterday, and as usual he'd been a source of quiet strength.
Jessica, these fears you have are completely normal. Justified, in fact, by recent experience. You have such compassion and empathy for others, yet you hold yourself to an almost impossible standard. We've talked about this before.
I know, and I have tried to…relax…my expectations of myself. It doesn't come easily to me. It's as though I'm afraid that, without those expectations, I'll fall apart completely.
And what would it mean to fall apart completely?
And that's the question that was still troubling her today. What would it mean for her to lose control? She'd learned enough from these sessions with Jim, as well as the more general reading she was starting to do in the realm of psychology, that this clinging to rigid expectations was the mind's defense against the uncertainty of life.
She knew, too, that David had breached those defenses…had nearly shattered them. He had teased and taunted her, exerting a level of control over her life that no one ever had before. She would have to work to regain what she could of the confident, optimistic woman she had been before…
Seth had become her rock, and her feelings of dependence on him frightened her. She loved him, dearly. Not in the way she'd loved Frank. She wasn't the same woman. But she loved Seth. There was no doubt about that. Was it wrong to include him in this new life? To rely on him, to depend on him so completely? He'd been impacted as well. Even before they'd become lovers. And yet, her heart clenched at the thought of him not being in her life. Come on, Jessica. Say what you mean! Not being lovers.
And it wasn't only the physical aspect of their relationship. She could admit now that Seth had been right when he accused her of seducing him in order to feel some control over her life. But he was wrong in assuming that it was simple proximity at work. She smiled. It hadn't taken as long as she'd expected to convince him that she loved him. That she was in love with him.
In the days following their argument, the atmosphere had lightened considerably. Perhaps it had at least something to do with more room to maneuver, about the house in general and in her bed in particular, she thought wickedly. She'd invited him to stay with her in her bedroom that night. May as well start chasing ghosts right away, darling, she'd told him with her characteristic bravado. Seth had looked a little shocked. Whether he was more concerned about Frank or David she couldn't say.
It didn't surprise her how quickly they settled into a routine, not exactly. She spent her days as she had been, working with Susan in the mornings if needed, off to the library to research, then picking up whatever was needed for their evening meal on the way home.
Meanwhile, Seth asked Beverly to reschedule his afternoon appointments; he saw his final patient at 3:30. He was generally back at Jessica's by 4:15 and together they cooked their evening meal. After dinner and clean up, they'd have an occasional match, but more often than not they'd go straight to bed. After that first night at Candlewood, Seth grew more relaxed, even playful, and their lovemaking reflected that. He seemed lighter, less serious in general, and Jessica was relieved. Still, the unspoken deadline of her trip loomed over them, whether they acknowledged it or not.
They lingered over dinner that night. Jessica had brought home a steak for Seth to grill. She'd fixed a salad and jacket potatoes. It was a simple meal, but she didn't want to spend too much of their time together in the kitchen. Seth insisted on washing up, even though Jessica did her best to encourage him to let them lie until tomorrow.
At last they went upstairs to prepare for bed.
Jessica played idly with the hair on Seth's chest. "Something seems different. Have you noticed, Seth?" She felt his pulse accelerate.
"Different how?"
She raised her head and rested her chin on his chest so she could see his face. "In a good way, I mean," and she smiled reassuringly. "I'm a little embarrassed. I don't have the words to say precisely what I mean. I suppose I'm trying to say that it keeps getting better between us."
Seth smiled and let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. He rubbed her shoulder. "I've felt that too, Jess," he said softly.
"You seem different."
"Do I?"
"Yes, since we argued." She was quiet for a moment. "Since we made up," she corrected.
"A-yuh, woman." He shifted so he could hold her more firmly in his arms. "They say confession is good for the soul, Jessica." She looked quizzically at him. "It felt…good…to tell you how ashamed I'd been feeling."
"But, Seth—"
"No, Jess," he interrupted. "I'm not saying you ever felt like I had a reason to be ashamed. I'm telling you I felt shame, and when I confessed to you…what you said…" He cleared his throat. "I never thought anyone could feel that way about me, and for you to feel that…well, it cleared all that wrong-headed thinking right up."
Jessica smiled and squeezed against him before settling her head in the crook of his neck. "I'll miss you," she said softly.
"A-yuh. I'll miss you too, Jess. But I'm proud of you." He tightened his arms around her. "You've got gumption, woman." He felt her smile against his chest, and he dropped a kiss on her head.
"You're very flattering," Jessica said, not trying to hide her amusement.
"I know you've thought me old-fashioned…or worse…" He pinched Jessica gently and she chuckled. "But watching you these past few years…well." He cleared his throat. "I'm not good with words. You know that." Jessica drew up to look at him. "But you're…" He sighed. "I haven't met many people braver than you."
Jessica leaned up to kiss him, trying to convey every emotion she had for this man. She kissed him fiercely at first, then began to drop soft, languid kisses across his face and chest.
"Jessica," he said in a low voice. "I don't think…"
She looked deeply into his eyes and he felt her hand snake its way down his torso. He gasped sharply as she touched him intimately, and when she moved to straddle his hips, he gave himself up to her completely.
He held on to her hand at the train station, squeezing reflexively. "You have cash?"
Jessica looked up at him, a small smile forming. "I do."
"How much?"
"I always keep a spare twenty dollar bill in my wallet for emergencies."
Seth grunted. "Any change?"
"Change?" repeated Jessica blankly.
"Change. Coins," he said brusquely. "For a newspaper. Or a pay phone."
She bit her lower lip. He would have her in tears in no time. "Yes. I have enough change for several emergency phone calls."
"Well," he said gruffly. "You won't need it, but I'm glad you have it."
A porter walked up to them. "Where are we traveling today?" he asked brightly.
"She's traveling to Boston," replied Seth pointedly.
"May I take your bag, madam?" Jessica smiled and nodded.
"You have your ticket?"
"Yes."
"Then you'd best board the train, woman."
She leaned in for a swift kiss, then turned to follow the porter onto the train. She turned one final time and they locked eyes. "I love you," she mouthed. Seth nodded. She winked at him and turned down the corridor.
Seth stood there, waiting until the last car of the train exited the station. "Lovesick fool," he muttered as he turned and walked to the parking lot.
Jessica arrived in Boston and easily found the driver Susan had hired for her. He was efficient and quiet, for which Jessica was truly grateful. Ordinarily she enjoyed meeting new people, but today she was conserving what remained of her energy for her phone interview with the Ladies Home Journal and the taped interview with Marty tomorrow. She was relieved that Susan would be with her during both.
Marty had called Jessica to invite her to dinner the night before. She'd been reluctant to accept, but Seth had telegraphed his approval with his eyes. She had enjoyed getting to know Marty briefly; this dinner would give them an opportunity to deepen the acquaintance.
Susan was waiting for Jessica in the lobby. She looked hesitant, unsure as she directed the bell hop to Jessica's room. Aside from perfunctory greetings, they were quiet until Jessica was safely ensconced in her room and the young man tipped and dismissed.
"It's so good to see you, JB!"
"Please, Susan. Please call me Jessica. Or even Jess!"
"I'll try, Jessica," she said with a small smile.
"Thank you, dear."
"Your phone call is in 90 minutes. I've ordered a light lunch for you, then booked you into the spa this afternoon."
"Thank you, Susan," said Jessica warmly. "I can scarcely believe that you remembered how much I enjoyed the spa during my last visit. That was very thoughtful of you."
Susan colored faintly. "You're welcome. Vaughn wanted everything to be perfect for your stay. He asked if I knew of anything special you might like to do."
"I'm very appreciative, Susan."
Susan wrung her hands. "Are you…are you sure you're alright, JB? Jessica," she corrected. "I mean…I don't mean to pry," she finished lamely.
"I'm alright, dear."
"I'm so sorry," she burst out. "I'm sorry I gave him those details about you. I really thought I was speaking with Grady!"
"It's alright, Susan." Jessica went to the girl and squeezed her hands in hers. "Everything worked out in the end."
Susan nodded. "You should know that we have new security protocols in place, Jessica. We won't be giving out information like that anymore."
"That is good to know, dear. Now," she began briskly, "what can you tell me about this next interview?"
Marty was waiting in the bar when Jessica arrived. Marty had coaxed Jessica out by assuring her that this was a small, family-owned restaurant where they could expect privacy along with excellent food and wine.
"Jessica!" Marty exclaimed, rising from her seat and hugging her impulsively. "It's so good to see you!"
Jessica smiled and returned the hug. "I'm glad to see you, Marty!" Jessica stepped back. "You're looking well," she said with a smile.
"Thank you, and allow me to return the compliment. You look smashing!"
"Susan booked me into the spa this afternoon. I've had the works, and I needed it," she said lightly.
Marty hummed in agreement, then turned to the bartender and raised her glass. "Mike, add this to tonight's bill, will you?" Mike nodded and Marty turned to Jessica, looping her arm through hers. "Let's see the Maitre d, shall we?"
Marty kept surreptitiously glancing at Jessica throughout their meal. By the time dessert and coffee arrived, Jessica had had enough. She leaned back in her chair. "Alright, Marty. Fire away."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, ask anything you like. You've been dying too through this whole meal."
Marty colored faintly. "Oh, dear. Here I was trying to be subtle." She leaned forward. "But how are you, Jessica? Truthfully."
"Better than I have been."
"I wanted to reach out to you, but it didn't seem right, somehow. It was an appalling circus, Jessica. How did you manage to evade those vultures?"
Jessica smiled. "I had the help of a good friend."
Marty looked at her appraisingly. "Jessica, I hope you know we're speaking tonight as friends. Off the record."
"I wouldn't have agreed otherwise," said Jessica, only the slightest touch of frost in her voice.
"Don't misunderstand me," Marty blurted. "I admire you, Jessica. I think we could be friends. Real friends," she emphasized. "Our segment tomorrow won't be a puff piece, a term I despise, but we'll be quite careful in what and how we share your story."
Jessica relaxed slightly. "Thank you, dear."
"I assume you'll be limited in what you can say because of the trial."
"Yes. I've had several conference calls with Vaughn's attorneys. They've cautioned me to be as specific as I can be while also limiting the scope of my answers." Jessica smiled wryly.
"That's quite a needle to thread," said Marty neutrally.
"Yes."
Marty smiled. "Don't worry, Jessica. Tomorrow will be as easy as falling off a bike." She looked intently at Jessica. "But something is different about you. You don't seem as fragile as I expected."
Jessica took a sip of wine. "I'm glad to hear it."
"This wouldn't have to do with the good friend who helped you evade all those reporters, would it?" Marty grinned at Jessica. "You never did answer my question properly." Jessica flushed slightly and Marty crowed. "It does! Tell me everything!"
"Everything?" scoffed Jessica lightly.
"I'll settle for any crumbs you'll sprinkle along the trail."
Jessica laughed. "Oh, Marty. It's been such a pleasure getting to know you. I'm not ready to sprinkle any bread crumbs, but when I am, rest assured you'll be one of the first I'll reveal the path to."
"Alright, Jessica. I won't pry. For tonight at least." She smiled. "The taping is tomorrow morning at 10 AM. It shouldn't take more than two or three hours. How long were you planning on staying in Boston?"
"Only tonight. I'll leave for the train station as soon as we're done taping." She smiled tightly. "This is my first overnight trip from home since…"
"Oh, Jessica! I didn't realize!" Marty reached for Jessica's hand impulsively. "Are you alright? Do you want to go back to the hotel?"
Jessica reassured her. "Not quite yet. I'm going to finish this decadent tiramisu along with my glass of wine. Then I'll be ready. It's been a delightful evening, Marty. I've enjoyed catching up with you."
"I realize this will be your first television interview, and I've heard that you're also going to sit down with Barbara Walters?"
"Yes," said Jessica hesitantly.
"It's unusual for her to agree to take a back seat, as it were."
"Apart from informing her producers about the restrictions I'm under due to the investigation and trial, that was the only demand I made."
"Thank you for that."
Jessica waved away her thanks. "We're even traveling to New York."
"We?"
"What?" asked Jessica, flustered.
"You said "we." As in, we're even traveling to New York. Who is we?"
A small smile formed on Jessica's lips. "My friend has agreed to accompany me."
"Would this be the same friend who spirited you away from those journalists?" Jessica nodded. "But he didn't come to Boston?"
Jessica shook her head. "No. He would have come, but this was something I had to do myself. I grew up in Boston, you know." Marty nodded. "I feel comfortable here. At least I did," she said softly.
"But you're here, Jessica, in spite of what happened. I can only imagine how terrifying that whole experience was. But you're here now, and it sounds as though it clarified one important aspect of your life."
"Oh?" asked Jessica, curious.
"I'm guessing you're not not in a relationship anymore." Marty smiled and gestured to Jessica's tiramisu. "Finish your dessert and I'll let you get back to your hotel. You'll want to be well rested for tomorrow."
Jessica smiled as she finished her tiramisu. The meal and Marty's steady stream of banter had relaxed her more than she thought possible. "Thank you," she said sincerely.
"For what?"
"For understanding," she said simply.
Marty nodded, then signaled the waiter for the check. Jessica Fletcher was an intriguing woman and she was glad they were becoming friends. She was curious about this new development in Jessica's life, but she had a feeling she'd be meeting this new friend soon enough.
Jessica willed herself to stay seated until the train stopped. She felt as eager as a young bride, and her cheeks warmed as she thought of Seth and what he meant to her. She hadn't anticipated falling in love again, hadn't realized that she had until…well.
She opened her purse to retrieve her compact. She checked her hair, then freshened her lipstick. At last, the train came to a stop, and it was time to disembark.
Seth willed himself to stand still. He held his hands in front of him, the picture of a sober judge, but inside his heart was racing. Ridiculous, he fumed as he fought the grin that threatened to appear on his face. It was only one night apart! And the loneliest night he'd spent in many a year. He applauded Jessica's independence, asserted the importance of it, but that didn't keep him from missing her terribly.
She'd sounded in good spirits last night. Dinner with Marty had been more than pleasant and he'd been gratified to hear the smile in her voice. She'd tried to apologize for enjoying herself.
Nonsense, woman! You weren't supposed to go to Boston wearing sackcloth and ashes. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! One might suppose you think me a tyrant!
Jessica laughed. Far from it.
Right you are, Jess. You're the tyrant, and I'm your abject slave.
I'll remember that, she said in a low voice that thrilled him.
A-yuh, he mumbled. She did have a way of bringing down his careful defenses.
I miss you.
I miss you, too, woman. But I'm glad your trip has gone so well. What time's the taping?
10 AM. Marty says she'll have me on the 1:15 to Portland without fail. Will you be able to meet me there? she asked innocently.
Seth barked a laugh. Woman, I'll be at the station at 1:15 just waiting for your train to roll down the track.
We could stop at the courthouse on the way home.
And she also had a way of building him right back up again. What you do to me, woman.
I hope I always will. I'll see you tomorrow, Seth. I love you.
I love you, Jess.
He heard the shriek of the train's whistle as it approached the track and he began bouncing on his heels. Ridiculous, lovesick ninny, he admonished himself without heat. He craned his neck to get a better view of the train as the platform filled with passengers embarking and disembarking. His heart clenched in his chest as he caught sight of her. He was struck anew by her loveliness. She was casting about looking for him and the look on her face when she caught sight of him was an image he hoped he'd never forget. He began to push his way through the crowd as she made her way down the steps. He grunted at the porter and took her bag. As soon as he turned to her, she folded herself into his open arms. They clung to one another in spite of the frenzy of the crowd and Seth's persistent fear of Jessica being in any exposed area. Finally he kissed her neck, then took her elbow and steered her towards the parking lot.
Together they moved as one in the quiet dark. Seth dropped kisses along Jessica's cheek and neck. "I love you," he murmured in her ear. "I love you."
"I love you, Seth." She held him even more tightly against her. "Is it wrong that I missed you terribly last night?"
"No, no, sweetheart," he panted. "I missed you. I worried over you. I knew you'd be fine…better than fine…but I worried."
"Let's never be apart again," she said huskily.
Seth groaned and laughed at the same time. "Oh, Jess. Jessica. I love you. I love you." He kissed her eyes, her nose, her mouth. "You'll take other trips. You'll be glad to be rid of me for a few days."
She stopped moving and grasped his face in her hands. "Never," she whispered fiercely. "I'll never want to be rid of you."
He stroked her hair gently. "That's good, woman. I never want to be rid of you, either."
She smiled and wrapped her legs around his hips. He groaned as they began to move faster and faster towards that place where it felt like she took hold of his soul.
"Seth, you weren't serious, were you? About feeling that I'd ever want to be rid of you?"
"No, not exactly. I only meant…I was trying to encourage you, to remind you that I'll always be here, no matter what. You may need to go from time to time, and I'll always be here. I love you, Jessica. It's more powerful than I ever imagined." He cupped her shoulder. "I thought…I guess I didn't think," he said sheepishly.
Jessica propped her head on her hand, curious. "What do you mean?"
"I suppose I thought…at my age…I wouldn't feel the same kind of passion, the same depth of love I felt as a young man."
Jessica raised her eyebrows. "But you gave that impassioned speech!"
"Me?" asked Seth incredulously.
Jessica laughed. "Yes, you! You reminded me that just because we were…older…that didn't necessarily mean we didn't have the same feelings we had earlier in our lives." Jessica paused. "It was a lovely speech. You said it to keep me from feeling guilty, when you thought perhaps…"
"When I thought you might have had some feelings that made you uncomfortable," said Seth softly. He didn't want to bring up David at all, and he certainly didn't want to do so in their bed. Not now. "I only meant that I understood, that I could understand. I just didn't realize…"
"Realize what?"
"How much, how consuming, my love for you would feel."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No! Of course not! I just…I'd been thinking of myself as an old man…an older man," he corrected ruefully.
"You aren't…Are you…regretful?" Even as she asked, she felt foolish. She knew that couldn't be true.
Seth sat up and switched on the light, blinking as his eyes adjusted. He reached for Jessica's hands. "I wanted you to see my face when I answered you. No. No, Jessica. I don't have any regrets about you, about falling in love with you, which couldn't be helped anyway." He was relieved to hear her chuckle. "I have no regrets about what I feel for you. I was only trying to explain…I just want you to know that no matter how I feel, I want you to pursue the life you want. I want you to enjoy the things you enjoy and live however you want to live. I don't want to control your life. I just want to be a part of it."
Jessica sat up so that she could kiss him, hoping to communicate her own deep love for him. She broke their kiss and stroked his cheek. "You are a dear, sweet man. I treasure you, Seth Hazlitt. I treasure us. Wherever you are is where I want to be."
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her to marry him. He forced himself to wait. Just a little longer, he thought. Only a little longer. Instead he pulled her to him in a tight embrace. "I love you," he whispered over and over. "I love you."
TBC