This is later than usual, I know, I know. The good news is that this is the last of the very short chapters, from next week things are stabilizing and I'll finally be able to have a life once more :P We're also getting quite close to the end (I know I've been saying this since chapter 15, but this time we are. The board is set for the final battle, so two or three more chapters should do it).

Strangely enough, ff. net is no longer sending me emails about stories or reviews, even though I've reset the email enabling options. Hopefully, it's a bug on their side that will fix itself eventually.

Chapter 20

The world had frozen for Dean. He could hardly focus on anything but Lisa and Ben and the choice they had set before him. A choice that should have been simple. He knew he had to refuse. For one thing, he would never forgive himself if he sacrificed Sandburg like that. For another, they needed the third box. They needed to end this before it caused any trouble. After all, the Winchesters had already caused too much trouble. They had led a lot of people to their deaths.

And that was the biggest problem. Lisa and Ben were, apparently, two of those people. If they were telling the truth. If this was not just some twisted plot of Gwydion's and Lisa and Ben were actually safe in their home, wherever that was, still having no idea who Dean Winchester was.

Dean suspected that wasn't true, though. Demons lied, true, they manipulated reality, but they also used a bit of truth in their lies – that was how people fell for them. He did not doubt Lisa and Ben were dead and had died because of their ties to him.

"You think the choice is easy," Lisa said. "You think you should be noble and refuse us. But you've never been noble. Have you?"

Behind him, Sandburg made a pained sound. Dean signaled to him to keep quiet. Blair interfering would only make things worse for him. Dean needed to be focused only on Lisa and Ben now.

"You ask me to sacrifice the world, probably," he finally pointed out.

Ben shrugged.

"Haven't you done this before?" he asked casually. "Or wanted to do? For Sam?"

Dean swallowed harshly. They knew him too well, they had seen him at his most vulnerable, right after he had lost Sam, and they knew how to use that vulnerability against him now.

"Family first," Ben added. "That's your motto, isn't it, Dean?"

But they had never really been his family, had they?

Dean looked from Lisa to Ben and wondered how he could deny them. They were right about one thing: they were his responsibility. They had died because of him. He should not have joined them after Sam's showdown with Lucifer in the first place. That was where he had gone wrong. That was his first mistake. His second was leaving them vulnerable, without the knowledge that would have protected them and refusing to listen to Sam's warnings.

"You want to say yes," Lisa added. "I feel it."

Dean shook his head, suddenly dizzy.

"No," he said. "No, I…that would be wrong."

He remembered when someone else had nearly got him to say yes to something. He tried not to think about the time when he had been hounded to become Michael's vessel. He had said no then, he could say no now.

"If you say no, you condemn us to death," Ben pointed out. "You wouldn't want that, would you? It would be your fault over and over again."

Dean glanced at Sandburg, who was standing still for once, even though his eyes were brimming with defiance.

"If I say yes to you, Sandburg's blood will be on my hands," he said.

"And you prefer our blood instead?" Lisa scoffed.

Dean squinted at her. He was surprised she was so quick to sacrifice someone for her sake – and while it was for her son's sake too, and Lisa would do anything for Ben, her insistence that Dean condemn someone else to death – and probably the whole world as well, if he failed with the boxes, sounded rather out of character for her.

He took a step towards her and peered into her eyes. She still looked like Lisa, but Dean was beginning to doubt that what he was seeing was all Lisa.

"She wouldn't do this," he said confidently.

Lisa tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

Dean started to feel more confident in what he thought he knew.

"Lisa would have never asked me to make this choice. She wouldn't have made me sacrifice someone for her."

Lisa glanced at Ben, and then Dean knew for certain. There was no emotion as Lisa looked at her son. Her eyes did not light up. And Lisa's eyes had always lit up when she had looked at Ben. Even when she had been mad at him.

"You're not them," he said.

"Dean," Lisa began warningly, but Dean cut her off.

"No, I'm sure Lisa and Ben are dead. Maybe something of them is in you, I don't know. But what I do know is that request does not come from Lisa and Ben."

"And what makes you think that Gwydion can't bring us back?" Ben asked defiantly.

Dean wasn't sure. Gwydion probably had something in his collection that could bring back the dead. But that did not mean it would work in a way that would be beneficial for them.

"You're not them," he insisted. "Wherever Lisa and Ben are now, they're at peace. And I have to live with that."

Dean felt as if the words were causing him physical pain. He never wanted to let go of the people close to him. He wanted to keep them close and have them with him forever. That was why he clung to Sam in such a manner. That was why, he was sure, if it had been Sam that Gwydion had been dangling in front of him, Dean would have been unable to resist.

Now that he had said the words, now that he believed these were not really Lisa and Ben, the disguise was starting to fall from the two. Dean could see through the cracks now, he could sense the imperfections that made them copies of Lisa and Ben, but never the real thing. He drew a step back. His gun was once more in his hand.

"The answer is no," he said firmly. "Now let Sandburg go, and go back to whatever hole you crawled from."

The two figures in front of him changed completely. They became rotting corpses, reaching out for him, trying to draw him to them. Dean fired twice. Nothing happened. He fired again. The lights flickered and the lightbulb exploded. Dean got away just in time, throwing himself on Sandburg. When it was all over, Lisa and Ben were gone.

Dean pulled himself up and turned Sandburg around. Blair looked pale and dazed.

"Are you alright?" Dean asked urgently then, remembered Gwydion's so-called failsafes to keep him from ruining the third task, he added: "Can you move? Can you speak?"

Blair hesitated, then nodded. He swallowed harshly.

"Yeah," he said, and his voice sounded hoarse. "Yeah, I can…I can talk."

"Good," Dean said, clapping him on the shoulder.

Blair looked around him, uncertain.

"Are they gone?" he asked.

Dean nodded curtly.

"Yeah, they're gone alright."

Blair looked at Dean, slightly concerned.

"Dean…" he began.

Dean reached out and helped him up.

"Don't start," he said roughly.

Blair shrugged, looking more accepting of Dean's wish to keep things to himself.

"All I'm saying is, maybe none of that was real," Blair told Dean. "Maybe Gwydion tricked you. Maybe they're not dead."

Dean really wanted to believe this, but he knew it would have been too much of a good thing. No, he sensed it now. Lisa and Ben were gone. They had been gone a long time, and Dean had not even been aware of it. The stab of guilt nearly brought him to his knees.

Still, he did as he had always done. Dean Winchester was a master of burying his emotions after all. He would have to deal with Sam keeping this from him, true, but apart from that conversation – which he was planning to keep very short – no one else was going to hear him mention Lisa and Ben again.

"The box should be ours right now. Unless Gwydion double crosses us. I think you should concentrate on that and not on what you think is in my head, Teach."

He wanted out of there, Dean thought. He wanted out of the house that looked so much like Lisa and Ben's but that was nothing more than a pale imitation of the home he thought he could have had with them.

xxxXXXxxx

Sam noticed Jim's horror at Gwydion's words, and he could not blame him. He would have been just as horrified if he had been told Dean had to die for some damned quest. Still, Jim looked as if he was considering grabbing Sandburg and hauling ass back to Cascade – if he could grab Sandburg, that is.

"How sure are you of this?" Sam turned to Gwydion. "Or is this one of your games?"

If it was, Gwydion was sure as hell not going to admit it to Sam. Still, Sam could cling to the possibility.

Gwydion, however, looked completely serious.

"No games," he insisted. "I don't joke about the boxes."

Sam snorted.

"Then what's that you're doing to my brother as we speak?"

Gwydion shook his head.

"Those were tests. Not every Tom, Dick, and Harry can have that box. You should understand that."

Jim took a step forward.

"What if we say we want out?" he asked. "Sandburg and I?"

Sam took a deep breath.

"Jim," he began. "You can't…"

"Wasn't asking for your opinion, Winchester," Jim said through clenched teeth. "Sandburg and I never wanted this. We never asked to become hunters or sentinel and guide or whatever. We shouldn't have to fix our grandfathers' messes."

"Charming sentiment," Gwydion said, not sounding at all impressed. "Unfortunately, it is not that simple. The demons know about you. You might quit them, but they will never quit you. It's either you or them now."

Jim's eyes were dark. Sam guessed he was regretting getting involved with the warehouse. But they had not known the magnitude of what they had been dragged into back then, and besides, Sam suspected that even knowing, Blair would have still wanted to get involved. He didn't tell Jim that, though. He was sure it would not have helped.

Gwydion's eyes widened suddenly.

"They've done it," he said.

"What?" Jim asked harshly. "Done what?"

"Dean and Blair," Gwydion explained impatiently. "They passed the tests."

Jim and Sam exchanged quick glances of relief.

"You mean they can come back, right?" Sam asked. "And you'll give them the box?"

"Are they alright?" Jim wanted to know.

Gwydion yawned, seemingly bored by their concern.

"This is quite touching. This is the truth: I'd retrieve them, if you'd be so kind to release me from this blasted devil's trap."

Jim looked at Sam expectantly. Sam, however, did not budge.

"On one condition," Sam said. "Take us to them. Otherwise, how are we going to know it's really Dean and Blair and not a trick of yours? So, take us straight to Dean and Blair."

Sam hoped he worded his orders carefully, and Gwydion would not find a loophole that would allow him to keep Dean and Blair with him longer. Not that Gwydion looked that keen on messing with Sam right then – he seemed to take the matter with the boxes seriously enough to agree on a temporary truce with the Winchesters – but one could never tell with demons.

Gwydion rolled his eyes.

"Far be it for me to try to cure you of your paranoia," he declared. "Fine. I'll take you. If you free me, I promise to take you to Dean and Blair. The both of you. Satisfied?"

Sam wasn't satisfied at all, but he would take what he could get. He nodded curtly and proceeded to erase the devil's trap and free Gwydion.

xxxXXXXxxxx

Dean wanted out of that house. He had been surprised when the illusion had not faded as soon as he had refused Lisa and Ben. He had been expecting Gwydion to make his presence known immediately after. Even if he had to give away the box, the third task would have given the bastard plenty of reasons to gloat.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

He grabbed Sandburg and steered him towards the exit.

"Are you sure we'll be allowed out?" Blair asked uncertainly.

"We passed the test," Dean reminded him. "We get the box. And hopefully we get to get the hell out here and put this place in our rearview mirror."

"Right," Blair muttered.

Dean ignored him. He knew very well what Blair was hinting: that Dean would not be able to simply bury what he had seen in the house. Dean really wanted to prove him wrong, but he knew the image of Lisa and Ben as they had looked just before they left would be added to the endless parade of nightmares he already had.

Besides, there was also Sam. And Dean had no idea how to deal with Sam hiding something of that magnitude from him.

He strode towards the door and tried to open it. However, it wouldn't budge.

"No, no, no," Dean muttered angrily. "You are not doing this to me."

"Maybe there's something else you need to do here," Blair suggested.

As far as Dean was concerned, the only thing he needed to do with that place was to burn it to the ground.

"If you're on my case again about facing my past, Sandburg, I've faced it plenty in the last half an hour. It sucks worse than I remember. I'm not surprised I don't do it that often."

Blair's eyes flashed. Obviously, he had had enough of Dean's evasions.

"Suit yourself, but meanwhile, we can't get out of here, so I suggest you grow a pair and do what else needs to be done."

Right, Dean thought, now he understood how Blair had survived with Jim Ellison for all those years. He knew how to barrel through repressed emotions without missing a beat.

Dean turned from the door and headed for the stairs. He glanced at Sandburg.

"Maybe you should wait in the hallway," he suggested.

Sandburg huffed.

"What's this? Your version of wait in the truck, Sandburg?"

Dean doubted Sandburg had ever listened when he was told to wait in the truck. Still, it didn't hurt to hope.

"If it needs to be," he said.

Blair shook his head, already heading towards the stairs.

"And why would I be safer in the hallway, than with you?"

Dean supposed he had a point. Still, he felt uncomfortable. He suspected that, whatever he found upstairs, he was not going to want an audience for it. Especially one so likely to want to commiserate with him – or, worse, tell Sam.

He still remembered his way around the house. Lisa's bedroom was there and Ben's. He hesitated in front of Lisa's room. He had slept there too, and considering how the house was arranged to look exactly like it had done when Dean had left abruptly, he was certain some of his stuff was still there. He did not want to see that, the life he thought he could have had, and the way he had known in his heart that he needed more – that no amount of normal was going to put a stop to him mourning Sam or easing the pain.

Abruptly, he turned from Lisa's room and marched towards Ben's. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open. He had been hoping it was locked, but the door gave way. Maybe Blair was right. Maybe there was something inside he was supposed to find.

"Stay behind me," he urged Sandburg.

For once, Blair didn't protest. Dean walked in. Ben's bedroom looked the same, with its sci-fi posters, and his car pictures. He could see one of Ben's favorite comics on the nightstand. And something else. Something Dean was sure had never been there, not before he had left, at any rate.

Dean stood frozen on the spot, staring at the picture of him and Ben in front of the Impala.

"I don't remember this picture," he said hoarsely. "I don't think it was ever real."

Blair did not say anything. Perhaps he had no answers to give Dean this time. Or perhaps the answers were obvious.

"I wanted Ben to be my son," he admitted. "I wanted us to have something like this," he added, gesturing to the photo. "But at the same time, I didn't. Because there were times…" he swallowed and pushed on, because he sensed now that was the only way for them to get out of that hell. "I thought I'd lost Sam, and there were times when I felt like a parent who'd already lost one kid, so…"

He shrugged. Blair was watching him thoughtfully, not saying anything. He did not look judgmental at all, which was surprising, a lot of people started giving him advice whenever Dean let slip that there were times he had thought Sam was his kid much more than he had ever been John's.

He turned back to the nightstand and noticed the box on it. He was certain it had not been there before he had spilled his guts to Sandburg.

Dean reached out and touched the box. He could feel something inside it, something calling to him to open it. His hand moved to the lid.

"Dean, no!"

Dean suddenly felt himself pushed to the ground, with Blair wrestling the box away from him. Footsteps pounded up the stairs and Dean tensed. Gwydion appeared in the room, followed by Jim and Sam.

"Oh, nice of you to join us," Blair snarked.

xxxXXXxxx

Dean eyed Gwydion suspiciously.

"What are they doing here?" he asked, gesturing to Jim and Sam.

Gwydion rolled his eyes.

"Ask them. They're the ones who trapped me – again. But what I'd like to know is why you didn't mention in the first place you've got a guardian and a guide with you."

Dean glared at Sam.

"Really, Sam? You tell your deepest secrets to a demon, but you keep stuff from me?"

Sam flinched. Dean felt briefly guilty, then he remembered Lisa and Ben and how Sam had supposedly known about their deaths.

"Never mind," he said harshly. "Let's get out of here. We've got the box."

Gwydion cleared his throat.

"Before you start the family drama, I have a proposal to make."

Dean snorted.

"You? After what you've put me through? What makes you think I want to listen to what you have to say?"

"Because it may very well save Sandburg's life," Jim interfered.

Dean frowned. That, he had not been expecting to hear. Beside him, Blair shifted nervously.

"What?" he asked. "What are you talking about, Jim? My life's fine. I'm not dying or anything."

Sam cleared his throat.

"Gwydion thinks that…well, that in order to defeat the demons, it's said that the shaman might have to die."

Gwydion tsked at Sam's wording.

"Stop using soft language, Sammy," he scolded. "There is no might about it. Blair will have to die. The thing is, as you yourself know quite well, that doesn't mean he'll also have to stay dead."

Oh yes, I'm up to no good.

I enjoy exploring Sam and Dean's complex relationship. While Dean obviously had paternal instincts when it came to Ben (and to others), it's quite canon that he also saw himself as somewhat of a parent when it came to Sam (or, at least, much more of a parent than John, at times). So I've decided to explore this a bit. And yes, I did kill off Lisa and Ben, which is out of character for me, as I don't usually touch established characters. But the plot required it, and the possibility of it happening was quite large. And I'm definitely planning a conversation between Dean and Sam as to why Sam kept it secret.