January, 2003

The new year had come and gone, but life in the Kirkland household stayed relatively unchanged.

With the exception of winter.

At home, Arthur was used to a pretty moderate, but gloomy weather pattern. But here? Extreme cold in the winters, alongside more snow than he had seen in his entire life, made even getting out of bed miserable for five months out of the year.

And why were winter clothes for toddlers so expensive? Not to mention that the coat that fit in November never fit right by the time March came around.

Though gloomy, this hadn't impacted the pair much until midway through January.

"Is the heat even on? Fuck sake." Arthur said bitterly with an echo in the stairwell as he climbed the four flights of stairs to his apartment after another graveyard shift, wrapping his wool scarf closer to his face.

"Hate this fucking place." He mumbled once he reached his floor, and sat on the top step to catch his breath before going to his apartment. As he exhaled, his breath was visible in the dimly lit hallway.

Upon unlocking his door, Arthur's heart sank into his stomach when he realized why the hallway was so cold. He set his keys and hot chocolate from work down on the kitchen counter, and unlaced his boots, the cold from the air seeming to attack his socked feet.

"Christ, what am I gonna do? It's freezing." Arthur said to the air as he made his way toward his and Amelia's bedroom, rubbing his arms together in a vain attempt to warm up.

Peacefully, despite the temperature outside of her crib, Amelia slept soundly as ever in her thick footie pajamas and knit blanket.

Now, while she was fine for the time being, having absolutely no heat in January was a recipe for disaster. It's not like he could have her stay with Javon and Andre, since they had no fucking heat either. Only leaving the Kellys.

Arthur grimaced in the corner of the bedroom as he watched his daughter sleep. Did he really want to put that on them? An overnight stay for who knows how many days?

Before he did anything else, this place needed heat in some form now. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Arthur remembered his mum leaving the oven open to warm the house one time when the council shut their heat off. Would that work?

He shuffled into the kitchen, and opened the oven apprehensively. Either this was gonna work, or this would set the whole building on fire. Technically speaking, the apartment would warm up regardless of which one happened.

While the shit maintenance on this building was probably the cause of this outage in the first place, he didn't really have a choice but to call their utterly useless help line in a vain attempt to get this fixed faster.

"Good morning, my name is Arthur Kirkland and I live in unit 405 of building 2. Upon getting home from my night shift I noticed that there were no heat in the building, at all. If you could send somebody out here later today, I'd appreciate it. Have a good day."

He hung up his landline, and sighed. As he did so, his breath stayed visible, only irritating him further. Now he only had one more phone call to make.

"Good morning Hugh, I'm sorry to bother you both." Arthur shook his head, as if they could see him. "But me building lost heat. I already called the office, but I'm worried about Amelia, I don't want her getting sick. Could she stay with you until we get heat back? Thank you."

Arthur decided to let Javon sleep a little longer, his mouth wide open and tangled in the sheets.

He checked his watch, and made a face when he realized that it was time to wake Amelia up. Truth be told, he didn't want to disturb her sleep either, blissfully unaware of the situation at hand once the blanket and heavy pajamas came off.

But if he wanted to get her to nursery for breakfast, he needed to move fast.

The toddler seemed to be the only warm thing in the building as he gently picked her up from her crib, and she instinctively snuggled her head into her dad's shoulder.

"I failed you." Arthur whispered near her ear, his white breath a visible reminder of how dire this all was.

She squirmed a bit at the hot breath on her neck, and absently moved her hand against the slippery surface of his puffer jacket.

"Good morning, Meli."

Her eyes opened slowly, seemingly apprehensive about what was to come. Or maybe he was projecting onto a toddler again, who knows.

"I know it's cold, but it'll be warm at nursery, I promise." Her dad tried to sound like he had confidence in what he was saying, but his voice wavered.

"Dadda."

Those big eyes, now wide open and expecting the world from him, only made him feel worse.

"Hey, MeMe."

Sleepy babbling came as a response, and she grabbed his scarf in her small fist.

"Let's get ready then, do you want your milk?"

She nodded, and pointed in the direction of the kitchen.

Amelia, being a curious toddler, was immediately drawn to the open oven once she was set down. Obviously Arthur hadn't entirely thought that through, and he barely managed to snatch her up before she got too close.

"No! Fuck!" She shouted angrily, kicking and flailing in her dad's arms.

"What? What did you say?"

Silence.

"Say it again, Amelia."

She paused to give him a look of complete disgust, and continued to flail in his arms.

"No, you're staying here." Arthur stared straight ahead and ignored the tantrum entirely as he set her back on his hip. "It's too early for an A&E visit."

The landline ringing stopped Amelia's tantrum dead in its tracks, turning instead to her imitating talking on the phone animatedly while her dad ran into the living room.

"This is Arthur speaking." He said in a goofy way, thinking this was Hugh or Ann on the other end.

"Arthur, this is your third no call no show, meaning termination."

His world froze for a moment, and he could hardly catch his breath.

"What? I- I just got off at my other job. Could I still come in?"

His manager at the warehouse repeated what he had said initially, just more forcefully this time.

"Right. I- I'm sorry for wasting your time. Have a good day." Arthur said with tears in his eyes, and hung up the phone. He looked down at his daughter, blissfully unaware that he had just lost their main income in the blink of an eye.

"Fuck." He said under his breath, all while fat tears rolled down his face.

Amelia reached up and touched his face, her small fingers an unwelcome surprise as she touched one of the tears.

"Dadda cry."

He nodded defeatedly, and slunk down to the floor, still balancing the toddler precariously on his left hip.

"Dadda cry."

Arthur stayed on the floor for a long while, as the full load of the situation truly hit him. His apartment building had no heat, the only warmth coming from the open oven and making the place smell like long forgotten burned food remnants. He had just lost his main job, the one he had been at most consistently since his girlfriend got pregnant with Amelia.

While Amelia drank her milk with a parka on and watched TV like she did every morning before daycare, he just felt a curtain of dread come over him. What the hell kind of a dad was he? Was this all he was meant for?

When his daughter was born, Arthur promised himself with every cell in his body that he would not force a child to grow up in poverty the way his mum had with him and his brothers. But here he was, with no heat, and only a part time job meant to support them both.

"I'm a fucking failure." He said to the air, fully bringing back the tears that had stopped a few minutes prior.

From the back of the apartment, Javon emerged, his eyes half lidded as he yawned widely.

"It's cold as a bitch in here man, you got heat?"

He stopped suddenly upon seeing (and almost tripping over) Arthur.

"Shit." Javon mumbled, and sidestepped around him. "What're you doing on the floor?"

Arthur looked up, and wiped away tears with the back of his hand.

"Just lost my job, and the building has no heat."

"The one at the warehouse?"

He nodded, and gestured to Amelia.

"I'm hoping that Ann can take her until the heat comes back."

Javon sat down on the floor next to him, and crossed his arms over himself in an attempt to warm up.

"What do you say we drop Meli at daycare together and get us some breakfast? I want me some waffles before work."

"I can't afford that, I'm sorry." Arthur said quietly, barely audible over the sound of the TV.

"Sugar, I wasn't asking if you could afford it. I was asking if you wanted to go."

A sheepish smile was all the answer Javon needed as he stood up.

"Let me get ready and we'll go, okay? I'll be back."

The sound of the door closing behind him took Amelia out of her trance, and she waved at the closed door.

"Meli, we're leaving for nursery soon. Javon is taking us."

She held out her empty sippy cup, and Arthur sighed as he stood up to go refill it before she started whinging. At least him being a live-in servant hadn't changed.

Five minutes later, Javon unlocked the door and did a dramatic pose, making the toddler laugh so hard that she fell on the floor.

"It works every time, huh? I just gotta Johnny Bravo it up whenever I wanna make Meli laugh."

He struck another pose, putting a small smile on Arthur's face as well.

A job well done, for sure!

It was worth it to see Arthur actually show a less serious side of him around another adult for once, his smile seemingly a secret between him and his daughter alone.

"So what's the plan? Just more shifts at Dunkin, or job hunting?"

Arthur shrugged, and spread butter on his toast.

"I'll check the newspaper today, but if I don't find anything by tonight I'll pick up more shifts. It's harder than you'd think to find places that look past citizenship."

"Yeah, that's fair, man." Javon replied, and gestured to the plate across from him. "You gonna eat those eggs?"

Arthur shook his head, and made a displeased face.

"They're shit, you can have them."

Once back in the apartment, Arthur yawned loudly. He had only one thing to do before he could go to bed- check the answering machine.

"Arthur, that's horrible! We'll take Meli after nursery. If you want to stay too, we wouldn't mind it, it's a miserable time to not have heat."

The familiarity of that Irish accent put a bitter half smile on his face. While the offer was tempting, he knew in his heart that he couldn't bring himself to stay overnight in their home. Arthur could withstand the cold, his toddler couldn't.

Somehow in his mind, he considered this his fault. Thus, staying in a freezing cold apartment by himself in the middle of January. Not necessary by any means, but once a thought was in his head, there was no point in convincing him otherwise.

Losing his main job significantly put a strain on Arthur's wallet, to the point that he was down to one meal a day with some cigarettes thrown in. But eventually, the inevitable happened.

He ran out of food.

Not a damn thing in his fridge and cupboards, except for whatever he could bring home from work.

Nothing burned shame in his heart worse than walking into a food pantry for him, even to the point that he refused to bring Amelia along.

As far as anybody babysitting was aware, he just wanted to do his weekly shop alone for once. This happened infrequently enough that it was never a bother to those around him, and he knew that saying he had absolutely no food in the cupboards would raise a certain level of alarm and worse of all, pity.

"So, I'm going to do my weekly shop now." Arthur said to Amelia as he zipped her little track jacket. "And Andre will be minding you until I come back. Be good for him, yeah?"

She nodded, and stuck her hands in the pockets.

"Wow!"

"Wow, look at them! Such big pockets." He said with half hearted enthusiasm, and stood up. "Take me hand, we're going now."

Every minute of getting to the food pantry was clouded with shame, especially considering that the one closest to him was located in a church. Religious guilt and shame over not being able to feed his daughter? Fun for the whole family.

While waiting to get in, Arthur didn't have much else to do besides look around at the different fliers for community programs and the like. But a new one taped to the wall caught his eye.

"Single parent support group?" He mumbled to himself, and strained his neck to get a better look at the details. This sounded like it would only be a few neighborhoods north of him, and wouldn't be too bad of a haul out there.

Three days later, Arthur wandered into a public library, not fully knowing what to expect from this whole experience . Did this sound dodgy? Yes. But it's not like any actual harm could come of it.

Upon first glance, he was happy to see that he wasn't the only one who showed up early. But one patron caught his eye.

A man with a notebook and pen at the ready as if to take notes. Now, both of these things were strange separately, but downright bizarre together. Arthur had never met another single dad, but even if he had, he didn't mentally imagine him to be the type to take notes at a casual laid back event like this. So obviously he sat a seat away from him, for curiosity's sake alone. Not for the fact that he was attractive, nothing like that. Because that would be ridiculous and childish.

As he settled in, Arthur continued to sneak glances. Apparently he wasn't very smooth about it, because the man turned to him with a polite smile.

Ah fuck, I've done it now.

"It didn't expect to see another man here, I'm Francis."

"I'm Arthur." He all but mumbled, embarrassed that he had been caught like this. In a vain attempt to hide his face flushing red, he turned toward his makeshift dinner from the corner store, and cracked open his can of soda.

"How many kids do you have?"

Stop talking to me! Leave me alone!

But at the same time, he didn't want to be rude.

"Just one, my daughter."

Francis nodded, and he could plainly see a playful look on his face.

"Me too, just one."

Thankfully, the speaker for the group began, relieving Arthur's obligation to reply. To be frank, the speaker bored him half to death, though Francis dutifully took notes on the most mundane of points. Even the kids brought to this event looked bored, despite the activities provided to entertain them.

Near the end of the scheduled time, a note was passed to him, and Arthur scoffed at how childish it all seemed, but opened it anyway.

Are you free after this? Or is your daughter with a babysitter?

In contrast to the other man's slanted cursive, his answer was sloppily scribbled.

I'd think about it if I knew your name x

Francis Bonnefoy was his reply, written extravagantly, and taking up two lines of the sheet of notebook paper.

He wrinkled up his nose at how French it was, but reasoned that somebody in this area with that kind of last name was pretty far removed from any of the jokes about the French that he heard over the years.

Fuck it, when in Rome.

My daughter is with my neighbours and they love her. We can meet after this

Francis smiled when he got the note back, and nodded.

While the group itself was a bit of a bust in Arthur's mind, who he met there wasn't.

The two of them got dinner at a nearby diner, and despite their differences, seemed to click. But he did have a burning question.

"So, how'd you become a single dad? You're the only other one I've met."

Francis shook his head as he took the bun off his burger, and took the tomato off.

"Well, I haven't met my kid yet. I can't say much right now for legal reasons, but I'm adopting my cousin's kid since his mom is being locked up for a pretty long time."

Arthur was taken aback by this, expecting a story similar to his own. He took a sip from his milkshake in an attempt to play this off, though he didn't do it well.

"I- wow. If you don't mind me asking, how were you chosen as the one to take him in? Of all the people in your family."

The other man laughed nervously, and fidgeted with the paper from his straw.

"I'm the only adult in her life that my cousin considered stable enough to raise her child. I'm nervous as all hell though, I'm worried that I won't be cut out for this."

Damn, this is the complete opposite of what he was expecting.

"Enough about me though, what about you? You mentioned that you have a daughter?" Francis asked, and absently picked up a few fries.

"Yeah, this is her."

Arthur took a folded photo strip out from his wallet, and handed it to Francis. He took it, and stared for a solid couple seconds. The well loved series of photos looked like it was taken at a photo booth, and Francis could hardly believe that this was the same run down looking man sitting across from him at a diner. Mostly because he looked so happy. Pure joy written on his face as he did goofy poses with a toddler, who looked just like him, might he add.

"She's real cute. How old is she again?"

It took everything in him to keep a neutral expression when Arthur began counting on his fingers.

"She'll be two in…six months."

Francis handed him back the photo strip.

"Matthew is two, maybe they can be playmates at some point since they're close in age."

God, is he trying to set us up via our kids? This is pathetic. Arthur thought to himself as he took a sip from his milkshake, which tasted even better considering that he didn't have to pay for it.

Wait.

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at the man across from him, and came to the realization all at once that this was a date.

Francis drove him here from the library, got his phone number, and then proceeded to pay for his dinner.

Well played.

This was genuinely impressive on Francis' part, mostly because of how willing he was to do all of this on a whim.

"What if you did all this and I'm straight?" Arthur said in a deadpan tone, visibly catching the other man off guard.

"Ah, well, I had a feeling you weren't, well, you know, straight." He said with a nervous laugh, and adjusted the collar on his button up shirt. "You wanna go?"

Arthur nodded, and grabbed his jacket as he stood up from the booth.

"Are you sure you're willing to drive me to my flat? The weather is miserable tonight."

"I'd rather me take you, than you wait for that bus. Maybe I can meet Meli, too." Francis said hopefully as he grabbed his own jacket, and pulled his wallet from his pocket. "I don't want you sitting in the cold."

The ride to Arthur's place was silent aside from giving directions, and the closer they got, the worse the area started to look. While he himself didn't live in a good neighborhood either, Arthur seemed like he really lived in a shitty part of town.

"So, are you trying to move, or anything like that?"

From the passenger seat, he made a face.

"I can't afford better. If I could move, I would, mate."

"Well." Francis stopped at a red light, and glanced over. "I'm trying to rent out half a duplex right now. When your lease is up, maybe we can work something out."

You've known me for three hours, calm down.

"Maybe." Arthur responded, and propped his head up with his hand.

As this night went on, he began to enjoy this boldness, which was unlike anything he'd seen before.

And maybe he liked Francis a little bit, too.