Exterior: Konoha, streets, evening.
Making his way past an alley, Lord Hiashi, Head of the Hyuga clan, stopped upon discovering a very small and clearly underfed boy, 4 years old, with spiky blonde hair and whiskers, unconscious on the ground, half-buried in snow.
The boy wore blue pants and an orange and blue shirt covered with various kinds of wounds and drenched in his own blood.
As he knelt by the boy's side, Hiashi wiped away the snow, activated his byakugan, and checked the boy's injuries which he treated to the best of his abilities with an on-person medical kit and medical jutsu, and moved a dislocated shoulder back into place.
"Who did this to you, poor boy?
On top of your wounds, you look starved to death, and you're almost frozen," thought Hiashi as he lifted the boy into his arms, "perhaps the smell of warm food will help wake him."
Interior: Konoha, Ichiraku Ramen, evening.
As he carried the boy in and the staff greeted him, Hiashi asked, "Excuse me, may I-"
Teuchi gasped, "Lord Hyuga? What happened to your little friend?"
"I found him unconscious and wounded in the snow, so I've treated his injuries.
But he's almost frozen to death, and most likely starving."
"Ayame, let's get this boy warmed up, cleaned up, and changed, and prepare some food for him," ordered Teuchi, "Would you like some Ramen as well, Lord Hiashi?"
"It would be my pleasure, but I will wait until the boy's awake first." accepted Hiashi whilst Ayame tended to the child.
Interior: Naruto's mindscape, thriving forest.
Sensing the boy's pain, Kyuubi awoke from his slumber, "Why are humans so cruel to their infants?
I should speak to the kid sometime, and apologise for all of the pain I've caused him."
20 mins later.
Interior: Konoha, Ichiraku ramen.
As the child, now wearing a thermal shirt with long blue sleeves, blue thermal socks, black pants, and a hoodie, was lifted so he was sitting up, Ayame opened his mouth and poured some Ramen soup down the hatch.
He was sitting near a heat lamp.
Making a sound indicating he'd swallowed it whilst the paleness faded, the boy as he was encased in a warm green glow.
"A self-healing jutsu?" thought Hiashi, "Or is this a bloodline ability?" before the boy slowly came to, and sat by his bedside.
"Where am I?" asked the child, frightened as his vision came into focus whilst the glow faded.
"Somewhere safe," assured Hiashi.
The boy carefully sat up, "What happened?"
"You were hurt badly, and I found you just in time to help you."
"H- help me? But nobody willingly helps me besides the Hokage and some of the Anbu," exhaled the boy, miserably, "The village hates me, and everyone except the Hokage and some of the Anbu want me dead.
People hurt me, rob me, torture me, try to kill me, and throw things at me.
They reject me everywhere I go, and call me things like a monster, a freak, and a demon."
As Ayame fed him more soup, the boy gazed in awe of her, "Are you an Angel?"
With a slight blush, Ayame smiled, "Nope, but thanks for the compliment,"
"Are you sure?" asked the boy, "you're glowing with purity of the soul, and your smile can melt even the most frozen of hearts."
"Awwww," thought Ayame.
"You must be an Angel because they're among the fairest, kindest, treasured, most graceful, and most beautiful beings in the universe."
Giggling as her cheeks flushed deeper, Ayame asked, "My name's Ayame, little one.
My father, Teuchi, and I are going to protect you while you're here, okay, sweetie?"
"Okay, Ms Ayame." shyly said the boy before his stomach growled.
Hiashi asked, "My name is Hiashi, what's your name, little one?"
As he prepared to eat a massive bowl of ramen, the child answered, "I'm Naruto… Naruto Uzumaki."
"Curious, he's the spitting image of Minato when we were children," thought Hiashi, "Kushina was expecting prior to her death, but their child's fate is unknown.
Is this their son? He must be.
I should've done something for him sooner, Jinchuriki or not, council and elders be damned."
Finishing the bowl within a minute, Naruto gave a desperate look, "Please, Sir, may I have some more?"
Hiashi nodded to Teuchi, "It's on me." before watching in surprise and amazement as little Naruto consumed another 20 giant bowls of ramen, "You certainly have an appetite, don't you, young Naruto?"
Pausing to wipe his mouth, Uzumaki grinned, "Thank you, Mr Hiashi, Sir.
It's decided then."
"What's decided?" wondered Hiashi, uncertain of where this was going.
"I promise I'll find some way to return the favour, and repay the debt I now owe you." answered Naruto, "Just watch, I'll train until I'm even more amazing than the three Sannin and the five Kage.
I'll even surpass The Yellow Flash.
And I'll help others like me, and protect everyone I can, even if they hate me for it.
Believe it!"
Patting the boy on the shoulder, Hiashi smiled, "I'm sure you will, Naruto.
And I hope to be there to see it."
10 mins later.
Interior: Konoha, Hokage's tower, office, evening.
Striding into the occupied room, Hiashi bellowed, "Hiruzen Sarutobi!"
Shocked by the outburst, the Hokage asked, "Lord Hiashi, what brings you here at this hour?"
"The fact I found a four year old boy named Naruto Uzumaki all but dead in the street!
This is beyond unacceptable, Lord Hokage!"
"I'm sorry, what!?" demanded an exceptionally beautiful, incredibly busty, voluptuous, sexy, blonde woman.
"Such a terrible thing happening to him is inexcusable, disgraceful, disrespectful to his parent's memory, and unforgivable."
"What the hell is wrong with this village?
How can they be so cruel to my godson?" asked Jiraiya, "and where is Naruto, by the way?"
"Lord Jiraiya, Princess Tsunade, he's currently feasting at Ichiraku Ramen, and being watched over by the owner and his daughter."
Shizune chimed in, "I'll go check on him, with an ANBU escort, and bring him here if he's up to it."
Appearing from the corner of the room, Anko added, "I'll come to check on Gaki too.
And anyone who messes with him around me will get their tiny cocks or fuck holes bitten off by my most venomous snakes, and I'll drink their blood like a Vampire."
As Shizune and Anko left with a handful of ANBU agents, Tsunade firmly said, "As his godparents, Jiraiya and I will be adopting Naruto, and raising him as our grandson,"
"There is nobody I trust more to raise him," agreed Hiruzen.
"Damn it, Sensei!
He's Kushina and Minato's son, for Kami's sake!
How dare the ungrateful bastards of this village be so cruel?
And unless it becomes necessary sooner, we'll tell Naruto everything about his heritage and parents when he turns sixteen or when his bloodline limit activates."
"We should at least tell him who his mother is," interjected Jiraiya, "and I can tell him bedtime stories about his father without telling him directly that he's Minato's son."
Interior: Konoha, Ichiraku ramen.
Having finished yet another bowl, Naruto was helped to wipe his mouth by Ayame, "Thank you."
"Anytime." replied the teenage girl with a kind smile.
As the entry bell rang, Naruto gasped as he saw two beautiful young women and a handful of masked figures.
As she slowly approached Naruto, careful not to scare him, Shizune asked, "Excuse me, sweetie, are you Naruto Uzumaki?"
Nervous as he recognised the uniform of the ANBU black ops, Naruto nodded, "Am I in trouble?"
Not as subtle, Anko quickly brought the boy into a hug, "Nah, the Hokage heard what happened, got super worried about you, and asked us to check on you, kiddo."
Startled before cautiously returning the embrace, Naruto asked, "If I'm not in trouble, why are Anbu here?
They're only called if the military police or standard shinobi are outclassed."
"The old geezer wants to talk, if you're feeling up to it.
And the Anbu are going to protect you on the way to see him, Gaki."
"What's a Gaki?"
"A hungry little ghost, or something like that.
I use it as a term of endearment."
"Oh, okay, and I thought the Anbu were here to arrest me for my prank on their base the other night." admitted Uzumaki.
"That was you?" asked one of the Anbu agents, "Wow, our security sucks if an infant can sneak in, prank us, and sneak out without being caught by the pursuit team while wearing orange."
"I'm not an infant!" protested Naruto, "I'm four years old, and only Shisui the Teleporter and the Yellow Flash are faster than me, and use jutsu for their speed.
But that's only because they have longer legs than I do."
Anko grinned, "I saw the whole thing on video.
It was hilarious, and I'm very impressed."
Observant as he saw something on the purple haired ninja's shoulder, Naruto blurted, "Can I see your curse mark?"
With a blink of surprise, Anko revealed the mark before the boy placed his right index finger and middle finger upon it, "What cha doin, Gaki?"
As the two fingers glowed, and she winced whilst the mark vanished, Naruto smiled triumphantly, "It's gone now, so you're all better.
It was slowly killing you, so I've also restored your life force back to full strength."
"I officially love you, little one," mused Anko as she kissed Uzumaki's forehead and cheeks.
Naruto's eyes lit up as he beamed, "Hooray! Someone finally loves me!"
"I'm Anko Mitarashi, by the way."
"It's nice to meet you, Anko," replied the blonde whose stomach growled, "I think healing you made me hungry all over again."
"When you've finished your ramen dinner, I'll buy you some sweet Dango for dessert."
"Yay!" cheered Naruto before laughing as the snake mistress slipped a hand under his shirt and tickled his tummy, "I'm tickling you later, as payback, Anko-chan."
Kakashi, Shisui, Tenzo, Itachi and Yugao smiled behind their Anbu masks upon Uzumaki finishing another 20 bowls.
When Uzumaki finished, Anko lifted him into her arms, holding him by the waist while he clung to her like a koala, and carried him.
"Who's paying for the ones he's had since Lord Hiashi left?" asked Teuchi.
Pointing his thumb towards a Chunin who'd just arrived, Hatake answered, "It's on him."
"Wait, what?" asked Iruka who fell off his chair upon receiving the bill.
Interior: Konoha, Hokage's tower, office, evening.
As she and the others returned, Anko protectively carried Naruto in her arms, "Here's Gaki!" making Uzumaki snicker.
Noticing the two Sannin as he was gently set down, the little boy looked up at them, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki.
Who are you?"
"Hello, Naruto," greeted Tsunade as she knelt to meet him at eye level, "My name's Tsunade Senju,"
Naruto bowed, "I'm honoured to meet you.
And you're very beautiful, Princess Senju."
The busty blonde couldn't help adoring his use of her honorific title, "Awww, thank you, you sweet little gentleman."
As Jiraiya gave a melodramatic monologue and held out an orange book, Naruto winked at Anko, then exclaimed, "You're a Pervy Sage!" making everyone but Jiraiya burst into laughter whilst the white haired Sannin fell onto his back.
"My boy, we have something to discuss," informed Hiruzen.
Fearful, Uzumaki panicked, "I- I'm being thrown out of the village, aren't I?
Or am I going to be executed like all the civilian grownups want me to be?
Or is the bandaged paedophile going to brainwash me?" much to the dismay of the present company.
"We'll never let any of that happen to you, Gaki." assured Anko as she knelt down and hugged the little boy who tightly clung to her whilst crying into her shoulder.
When Naruto finally calmed down, Sarutobi met him at eye level, and explained, "Tsunade and Jiraiya are your godparents, and grandparents on your mother's side.
They'd like to adopt you,"
Taking a thinking stance, Naruto innocently asked, "Will you, Shizune, the Anbu who always show up to help me, and especially Anko please be part of the family too?" warming the hearts of his peers.
Anko gently wrapped her arms around Naruto, and held him aloft as if he were Simba, "I'd love to be part of your family, Gaki."
"Yay!" cheered Naruto before he got photos with his new family followed by several hugs.
"Where am I going to live now?" asked Naruto.
Jiraiya answered, "Well, figure out the long-term arrangement another time."
"But for now, you can stay with me, Gaki," added Anko as she held Naruto's hand, "Would you like that, sweetie?"
"Yes, please." agreed Uzumaki, "Also, I've been having nightmares.
Will you hold me while I sleep?"
"Of course I will, Gaki."
"Thanks, Mum." blurted Naruto.
"Would it be okay if I was your Aunt instead?" asked Anko, nervous but heart melted, "I don't feel I'd be able to be a good mother for you, or the one you need.
But I promise I'll always love, support, treasure and cherish you no matter what."
"I love you too."
Interior: Konoha, Hyuga stronghold, Hiashi's house, Hinata's room, evening.
As she found her eldest daughter crying, Hinata's mother sat by her side, "Are you alright, lil Hina?"
"There's this boy, around my age, I met today.
He went into a golden flame-like state, and used chakra chains to protect me from five Jonin level missing-nins trying to kidnap me.
Then the aura faded, and he used the last of his chakra on a medical jutsu to heal injuries I received.
I'd just introduced myself and thanked him when an angry mob of armed villagers chased him away.
They wanted to kill him, and called him things like the demon, Jinchuriki, fox brat, and nine-tails reborn.
They kept saying things about avenging their families and Lord Fourth as well, but it made no sense.
They're wrong, the boy's a hero… my hero."
"Did this brave boy give you his name?" inquired Lady Hyuga, taken aback, "I wish to know who saved you,"
"His name is Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki," answered Hinata, "He was so kind, and he gave me his scarf because I was cold,"
"He did?" wondered Lady Hyuga, amazed.
"Yes, and when villagers attacked him, he didn't fight back,"
"Why not?"
"He didn't want them to hurt or kill me if he fought back, so he drew them away to protect me."
Interior: Konoha, Anko's house, bedroom, evening.
As she gently snuggled up to little Naruto, in light blue thermal PJs and socks, and a plush fox, Anko, in nothing but soft pj pants, softly sang, "Soft Foxy, warm Foxy, little ball of fur.
Happy Foxy, sleepy Foxy, purr, purr, purr." before kissing his temple.
Interior: Naruto's Mindscape.
Never would the kyuubi directly admit to finding the purple haired badass' song relaxing, even though purring was a feline thing while foxes are canines.
Interior: Konoha, Anko's house, bedroom, evening.
Uzumaki smiled, "I love you, Anko,"
"Love you too, my little Naruto." she mused before tickling his tummy.
"This means war!" he declared as his small hands tickled her everywhere within reach, earning a beautiful melody of laughter.
"Hahahaha Gaki hahaha, not hahahaha my hahahaha tits hahahaha.
They're hahahaha way hahahahaha too hahahaha ticklish hahahaha." giggled Anko as his tiny hands gently yet relentlessly tickled her perky breasts.
"All's fair in love and war.
And you left a very exploitable weakness vulnerable and exposed."
Soon after.
As she slipped into the bed, a gorgeous, busty, slender, agile woman with ruby red eyes and red tinted hair, who was naked, snuggled up to Anko before realising there was a third person.
As the bedside light turned on, Anko chuckled, "Of all the nights for a surprise bedtime visit, Honey,"
Waking up to see the second woman, Naruto memorised her form's details, "Wow, you're really pretty.
What's your name?"
"I'm Kurenai, and what's your name, sweetie?"
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki,"
"You're a very cute little boy,"
"And you're stunning like the stars,"
"Thank you, darling."
"Are you Anko's lover?" he asked, innocently.
"Yes, I am her lover, and she is mine."
"You better take good care of her, okay?"
"Naturally, and what is your relationship with her?"
"She's gonna be part of my new family.
Her, Shizune, Hiruzen, Grandma Tsunade, and Jiraiya: The Pervy Sage are adopting me."
"Can I be part of the family too, dear?"
"You already are," adoringly replied Naruto who kissed Kurenai's cheek, "also, I think I know the real reason why people are so interested in big boobs,"
"Oh? Do tell," chuckled Kurenai.
Resting his head between the red eyed Kunoichi's cleavage, face up, he innocently answered, "They can make great pillows,"
Both women burst into laughter, "That must be it."
"Nai-chan, your boobs are my pillows tonight," drowsily said Naruto who drifted off to sleep immediately thereafter.
Kurenai blinked in surprise with a slight blush before wrapping her arms around his waist, then she whispered, "We need to do our best to help raise him.
He's already been through too much."
"That goes without saying." whispered Mitarashi.
The next day.
Interior: Konoha, Anko's house, bedroom, morning.
Slowly awakening, Naruto realised he was kissing one of Kurenai's boobs whilst still between her cleavage, and the woman was looking down at him.
As he looked up at her, Naruto asked, "I didn't drool or anything, did I?"
"No," assured Kurenai, "and you didn't snore either." before Anko pinned her down, and tickled her senseless with Naruto's help.
As he warmly hugged Kurenai, Naruto mused, "I love you, Nai-chan."
"Awww, I love you too, sweetie."
Interior: Konoha, Anko's house, kitchen, morning.
Dressed for their day, the trio each had a mountain of pancakes, with Naruto's being the biggest.
As she kissed Naruto's forehead, Kurenai asked, "We'd like to take you to the hospital for a check-up.
Is that okay, dear?"
"Hospitals refuse to admit me.
And even doctors have tried killing me, so I basically never feel safe there.
The only doctors I'll let look at me are Grandma Tsunade, the Hokage's wife, Shizune, Neko from Anbu, or someone they'll personally vouch for." replied Uzumaki.
"We won't let the doctors hurt you.
You're our little treasure, and we'll protect you,"
"I'll protect you too.
Believe it."
Interior: Konoha, Hokage tower, meeting room, morning.
Radiating KI, Hiruzen, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Hiashi, Fugaku, Tsume, and the rest of the shinobi clan heads tore the civilian council, elders, and Danzo a new one.
Interior: Konoha, Police HQ, jail, morning.
Handing over two dozen suspects to the Anbu, one of the Uchiha informed, "That's all of the confirmed assailants involved in the most recent attack on the child,"
Ibiki nodded, "Good work, and we'll let you know if there's anyone to add to the list of people to bring in when we've finished interrogating these scum,"
"Understood.
Is the little one okay?"
"If he's not, there'll be hell to pay.
Kami, people need to learn the difference between a kunai and a storage scroll."
Interior: Konoha, hospital, office, morning.
As she and Anko held Naruto's hands, Kurenai entered to see a young man, 18 years old, with short silver hair and glasses, "Excuse me, we have a little one in need of a check-up,"
Kabuto smiled at the boy, "And what's your name?"
"I'm Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki." replied Naruto, "what's your name,"
"I'm Kabuto Yakushi," self-introduced Kabuto, "And how can I help you today?"
"Even though I don't look like it, yesterday, I was almost murdered for the…
I've lost count of how many times I've almost been murdered by the villagers."
Kurenai, Anko and Kabuto's eyes widened in horror as Uzumaki listed every injury he'd ever taken, and exactly how they happened in graphic and explicit detail.
"The village's gone too far," thought Kabuto, "If there's anything I can do within my power to help this child heal, I will.
For that is the way of the medical ninja, and what any decent person would do."
"Oh, doc, you've got a curse mark on your neck.
Can I remove it?
I've already done it for a few people,"
The medical ninja blinked, "I wasn't even aware that was possible."
"You also smell like snakes.
Do you have a summoning contract with them?
Or do you have lots of trouble with snakes?"
"Both."
"As long as you know to keep away from a bad man called Orochimaru.
Also, I think I'm a sensory type since I can sense you have some kind of loyalty seal on you.
Maybe Grandpa Jiraiya can get rid of it."
A few days later.
Interior: Konoha, Anko's house, living room, morning.
Entering with a redheaded 25 year old boy and 8 year old girl, Jiraiya informed, "Naruto, this is Nagato and Karin Uzumaki.
They're distant relatives of yours.
Nagato is my student alongside his best friends, Konan and Yahiko, who you'll meet some other time.
Tsunade and I found Karin in the grass village, a little over a year ago."
Naruto warmly hugged his fellow Uzumaki, "So, do I call you my cousins, or can I call you my brother and sister?"
"Either way works for me." replied Nagato as he returned the embrace, and Karin nodded in agreement.
"I already love both of you!"
"Love you too, little brother." replied Karin.
Noticing Nagato's headband, Naruto asked, "You're a ninja?"
"They've just recruited me into the Leaf's Anbu as a team medic, although I don't really trust this village.
I'm from the land of rain along with Yahiko and Konan."
"As long as you don't have to answer to Danzo, or be in his Root.
He's really creepy, and everything about him feels evil.
Plus, I hear he brainwashes people to be emotionless, and experiments on them like Orochimaru does.
And he might have something to do with the situation in Ame."
"Then I'll be careful, and stay close to my squad mates who actively avoid him."
"Who's on your squad?
And can I meet them sometime?"
"Kakashi, Izumi, Itachi, Yugao, Tenzo and Shisui.
And of course you can."
"Cool."
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, barracks, late morning.
As he entered, with Naruto holding his hand, to see the full squad, Nagato greeted, "Hello, everyone."
"Nagato, I see you've brought a friend." observed Tenzo.
"This is my new little brother," explained Nagato, "Naruto, say hello."
Naruto smiled brightly, "Hi."
"Awww, he's so cute." mused Yugao and Izumi as they knelt down and hugged Naruto who returned the embrace.
"If I'm not mistaken, this is the mischievous little speedster who's been infiltrating our bases, and pranking certain Anbu members before outrunning them so fast only I could keep up if I was at my top speed," chuckled Shisui, "So we're officially meeting our cheeky Orange Flash."
"I only prank the mean ones and perverts," stated Naruto, "and the ones that help the angry mobs find and hurt me, or watch but don't stop them."
"Fair enough."
Taking another look at Yugao, Naruto smiled, "You're Neko."
The purple haired medic nodded, "Yes."
A few days later.
Exterior: Konoha, Jiraiya and Tsunade's house, backyard, early afternoon.
As Jiraiya demonstrated a technique, Naruto asked, "Can I try it?" earning surprised expressions from his new family.
"Sweetie, it's a very advanced Ninjutsu created by the Fourth Hokage.
It took Jiraiya over a year to get the hang of it, and Lord Fourth three years to develop." informed Tsunade, "It's also very dangerous, and takes a lot of chakra and control."
"It's not for killing like Kakashi's lightning blade," pointed out Naruto, "C'mon, I bet I can learn the Rasengan way faster than the Pervy Sage.
Let me give it a go."
"Oh, no, he's got that look Nagato gets when he's determined." chuckled Konan.
"I'm an Uzumaki, we never give up." replied Nagato.
Hiruzen smiled at Naruto's enthusiasm, "If you can successfully perform the Rasengan, I promise to let you learn a jutsu or two from the scroll of forbidden jutsu."
"Sensei, are you out of your mind!?" exclaimed Tsunade, "They're forbidden for a reason.
Why would you make such a promise to a four year old boy?"
"You're on, Grandpa!" accepted Naruto before closing his eyes as he pictured forming the Rasengan in his mind's eye.
Opening his eyes as he was finished after a minute, Naruto held out both of his hands, focusing his chakra, and creating the unmistakable blue orb in both hands, to the shock, horror, amazement and awe of the present company.
Hiruzen's pipe fell from his opened mouth while he coughed.
Tsunade spat out her latest sip of sake to avoid choking, "What the?"
Konan and Shizune covered their mouths to hold back laughter.
Jiraiya's jaw dropped, "How in the name of the Sage of Six Paths?"
Nagato laughed, "Now we know to always bet on Naruto."
Karin sweatdropped, "Are we sure he's not part Uchiha?
He did that so easily after seeing it once, you'd think he had the Sharingan."
Naruto mused, "I wonder how tough an Uchiha who's mastered their clan's techniques and jutsu, without possessing a Sharingan, would be."
"Perhaps you could ask Fugaku about such a person," suggested Hiruzen.
As he kept both of his Rasengan perfectly stable for well over an hour without a hint of fatigue, Naruto casually walked on the water of the pool, "The Rasengan would make a great chakra control exercise.
The longer I can maintain it, the better control I'll have."
"If you're doing water walking at the same time, it certainly will.
Where did you even learn how to do it?" asked Shizune.
"The first time, I didn't realise I was doing it.
I was just running from another psycho mob when I found myself on the other side of the lake.
I ran right into Neko's arms,"
Hiruzen observed, "That's Yugao,"
"I know, but Neko's easier to say.
I am four, ya know."
Later.
Exterior: Konoha, Hokage's private training ground, afternoon.
As he carefully selected a jutsu from the scroll after reading its requirements, benefits and drawbacks, Naruto mused, "This one sounds super useful, and safer to use than the others.
Plus the hand signs are the most basic."
"Shadow clone jutsu, hmmmm?
I can see why you'd find it appealing."
"The kunai shadow clone jutsu looks like it'd be great for combo attacks," gleefully mused Naruto, "Imagine both of them being used in a triple combo with the Hiraishin."
"That would be all kinds of overkill, and potentially fatal from the amount of chakra and control required."
"I want to learn Hiraishin too, but I should wait until I'm a little older, and make sure I understand what I'd be doing before I use it."
"Speaking of learning."
Performing the hand signs, Naruto called, "Shadow clone jutsu!" before creating 1000 perfect replicas.
Feeling a potential headache imminent, Hiruzen sighed, "Why am I not surprised?"
Dispelling the clones, one at a time, Naruto asked, "Do you ever use shadow clones to help with your paperwork?
If you do, you might have more time to spend with the rest of your family, or training."
"Why didn't I think of that?"
"It's such a simple solution that you overlooked it," shrugged Naruto who cheekily added, "Professor." earning laughter from the Hokage.
"You are going to be such a handful when you're older, my boy."
"Speaking of your boy, when was the last time you spent time with Asuma?"
"It has been too long,"
"Then add some time with him to your schedule.
If you've had a falling out, it's a good idea to make amends as soon as possible."
2 years later.
Exterior: Konoha, ninja academy, morning.
As he arrived with Tsunade, Shizune, Anko, Karin, and Jiraiya, 6 year old Naruto, dressed in black pants, and a black shirt with the Uzumaki swirl on the shoulders of its ¾ length blue sleeves, beamed, "This is where the fun begins.
Believe it!"
"Be a good boy, and remember to listen to your Sensei," said Tsunade who kissed Naruto's temple, "I love you, sweetie."
"Love you too, Grandma."
Anko grinned, "You can send any mean teachers or brats my way," and ruffled Naruto's hair.
Shizune added, "If all goes well, I'll take you out for ramen after school, okay?"
"Sounds good, but I kinda wish big brother Nagato was here too though."
"I know, love, but he's recovering from a mission right now."
"If I ever end up on the Anbu, I want to be on the same squad so I can protect him.
I also hope he doesn't have to stay in the Anbu for long,"
"Good news is that it's his final week."
As he joined the other kids, Naruto smiled at a raven haired boy, "Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki.
What's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Sasuke Uchiha.
It's nice to meet you,"
"Would you like to be friends?"
"Sounds good," agreed Sasuke who gestured, "oh, this is my big brother, Itachi, and my mother, Mikoto.
Big brother, mum, this is Naruto Uzumaki,"
As Uzumaki shook hands with Itachi, Mikoto's eyes widened, then she tightly hugged the blonde.
"Do we know each other?" asked Naruto who returned the hug, surprised.
"Your mother was my best friend," explained Mikoto, "and I haven't seen you since you were a newborn, sweetie."
"Could you tell me about my mother sometime?"
"I'd be glad to."
"Hi, I'm Choji," greeted a boy eating chips as he gestured to a boy with a pineapple haircut, "and this is Shikamaru."
"Hey," greeted Shikamaru.
"Greetings, my name is Rock Lee." self-introduced Lee.
"Hi, I'm Tenten." added a little girl whose hair was in twin buns, making her look like an adorable panda.
"I'm Kiba, and this is Akamaru," interjected a young boy with red facial markings, accompanied by a white furred puppy.
"Hi, everyone," replied Naruto who was allowed to pat Akamaru, "I have a feeling we're all gonna be great friends.
Believe it!" before his smile became contagious as everyone met each other.
"You know, that doesn't sound like such a drag." mused Shikamaru.
Spotting Hinata nearby, Naruto beamed before the lavender eyed girl tightly hugged him, "Nice to see you too." whilst her mother watched them in adoration.
"Everyone, please line up, single file, in front of your assigned Sensei." instructed Iruka who thought, "Let's see, I'm teaching an Uchiha, a Hyuga, an Inuzuka, and a Nara.
An Akimichi, an Aburame, and an Uzumaki.
The politicians totally didn't influence this roster at all.
Just remember Naruto's not the nine-tails.
He's a child with the fox sealed inside him.
You can't possibly blame him for what happened.
He had nothing to do with it, and he's protecting everyone from the fox just by being alive.
That, and he just got dropped off by two of the Sannin, and the head of the Anbu interrogation and torture division."
At the front of the line, Naruto noticed his teacher had zoned out, "Are you okay, Iruka Sensei?"
With a nod, Iruka replied, "I'm fine, thanks,"
"If you start feeling unwell, I have Grandma Tsunade training me as a healer, and she's the best medical ninja ever." mentioned Naruto, "also, I've already had a ton of training from her and Pervy Sage so I'm mostly here to learn how to interact with people my own age and make friends.
I'm also here to draw out a potential traitor in the academy, per the request of the Hokage.
And I'm about to prevent an assassination attempt against me."
Uncertain how to respond to that, Iruka chuckled, "Sure you are."
The blonde boy suddenly tilted his head, caught a kunai that flew past his cheek, and threw it back at the owner who was perched upon a rooftop before there was a small explosion.
"Told you so." stated Naruto as Iruka sweatdropped.
Interior: Konoha, ninja academy, classroom, morning.
"Welcome to the ninja academy," said Iruka, "Here you will learn a wide variety of subjects and skills on your path to becoming a shinobi of the leaf village."
"What kind of subjects?" asked Naruto.
"You will study not only the basic forms of jutsu.
You will also learn medical skills, herbology, science, diplomacy, history, and more."
"Diplomacy?" asked Choji.
"To maintain the peace and alliances with neighbouring nations, a shinobi will sometimes speak on behalf of their Kage during negotiations to prevent or end conflict, and ease tension between our villages.
Not all shinobi fulfil their duty from the battlefield.
Some shinobi do their duty from the halls of politics.
They maintain and improve public relations between the nations and villages."
"Like when the Hokage, a clan leader, or members of the government gather for meetings with others of similar positions?" asked Naruto.
"Exactly."
Iruka mentioned, "When you graduate and become a Genin, you will have options for continuing your education and training in our shinobi high school, which is on the same campus.
Graduates can also be assigned directly to a Jonin Sensei and a squad full-time if they wish.
"How old do people usually graduate?" asked Lee.
"13 years old on average,"
"Shinobi high school sounds more than worthwhile," mused Naruto, "Some extra training can make all the difference, ya know?"
Later.
Exterior: Konoha, Academy playground, mid-day.
Landing after a giant leap into the air as he caught a ball kicked by Kiba, Naruto asked, "Shisui the Teleporter.
I know you're here, so why don't you step out of the shadows, and join in?" to the confusion of his new friends before Shisui appeared, startling the other kids.
"How did you know I was there?" asked Shisui.
"I've been learning how to sense chakra signatures, and identify who they belong to."
"That's pretty advanced for someone your age."
"Did big brother send you to spy on me?" asked Sasuke, half accusing.
"Actually, my assignment is related to Naruto, and Nagato sends his love," replied Shisui, surprising the kids.
"Is Naruto in trouble?" asked Hinata.
"Not right now, but we want to keep an eye on and keep our favourite security tester safe."
"Security tester? Sounds like a troublesome task," sighed Shikamaru, "wait, how long has he been doing this?"
"Let's just say those on monitor duty always have popcorn and a drink ready when he breaches the perimeter." replied Shisui, making everyone laugh.
"Have they agreed to let Anko make a TV show out of it yet?" asked Naruto, earning chuckles.
"No, but she's still backed up the recordings for home viewing anyway." answered Shisui who vanished.
Amused, Tenten turned to Naruto, "Are you a genius?"
"I'm not sure I'd go that far, but I can get pretty creative when I want to,"
"Cool."
"Your folks run the main weapons shop right?
I saw you when I was there with Aunt Anko, but I didn't get to say hi,"
"Yep, it's awesome.
I get to try out so many new toys,"
"Next time I'm there, I'll be sure to try out anything you recommend because I can already tell you're going to know all the best ones."
"Maybe I'll show you how to use some of them, sometime." suggested Tenten, with her cheeks lightly flushed.
"It's a date," Naruto cheerfully agreed, "Believe it!" as Tenten blushed, "huh? You're turning all red.
Are you okay?
Do you have a fever?"
"Just a little surprised by you calling it a date,"
"Oh, okay, although you look really cute when you're blushing," mentioned Naruto.
Tenten gave Uzumaki a gentle punch to the arm, "You're a cheeky one, and those whiskers are adorable,"
"So are your Panda hair buns,"
"Thanks."
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, Interrogation and torture division, detention block, late afternoon.
Watching through a one-way glass with a bowl of snacks, Naruto observed Anko interrogating a prisoner.
As he stopped and looked down at the kid, an Anbu Captain asked, "Naruto, what are you doing here?"
"Oh, hey, Itachi," greeted Uzumaki, "I didn't know you were in the Anbu,"
"You're not meant to know our identities, hence the masks," replied Itachi as he removed his mask, "And you didn't answer my question."
"I'm here with Aunt Anko, and we're going out for food when she's finished having her way with Mr traitor," explained Naruto, purely innocently, as he watched with interest whilst Anko tortured her victim.
"Mr traitor?" asked Itachi, amused.
"I don't have clearance to know the prisoner's name, so I'm calling him that,"
"Did you know your comment about Interrogator Anko having her way with the prisoner may be taken in very adult ways?"
"Sounds like a good plot point for one of the Pervy Sage's future books.
Especially when she's interrogating another woman."
"Those books are for mature audiences,"
"Then tell Silver Wolf, Inu, White Fang Jr, or whatever Kakashi's calling himself, that he shouldn't read his pervy book aloud."
"How old are you?"
"Six turning seven,"
"You don't sound like it.
How do you know Kakashi?"
"He's on my brother's squad like you and Shisui are."
"Fair enough."
"Your eyes are starting to look a bit bloodshot, and there's dark patches.
Do you need to see an eye doctor?
Or does this happen when you overuse your Sharingan?
Or have you been crying?
Are you having nightmares, and flashbacks to memories that haunt you in your sleep?"
"You ask a lot of questions."
Holding out a dango stick as Anko slit her victim's throat, Naruto offered it to Itachi who graciously accepted it before the interrogation room's door flew open.
Catching Itachi red-handed, Anko gave a murderous stare, and tackled him to the ground, pinning him beneath her, a kunai to his throat.
Reclaiming her treasure, Mitarashi hissed, "It's mine! My own… My love… My precious!"
"That was priceless," laughed Shisui as he appeared with an active video camera, "and Naruto, little brother, I owe you a bowl of ramen for helping me prank Itachi."
"Pranking him? I just offered him something to eat."
"How did you know it was him?" asked Nagato as he joined them.
"I identified him by his chakra presence, voice, stance, hair, eyes, and how he moved,"
"Those are sharp skills of observation."
"Speaking of observation, why does Danzo have his own personal Anbu division?
Shouldn't there be laws against it, in case he tries a coup d'état?"
"Are you suggesting he's a traitor?" asked Itachi.
"He wanted Orochimaru as the Hokage, knowing full well what he's done.
No-one loyal to Konoha would ever want a monster like that leading the village."
"Damn right about that, lil Naru." agreed Anko.
As his stomach grumbled, Naruto asked, "Hey, Itachi, will you join us for some Ichiraku ramen?"
With a small smile, Itachi gently poked Naruto's temple, "Sorry, Naruto.
Some other time,"
"Okay, I'll invite Izumi instead." replied Uzumaki before said woman entered the room.
"Invite me where?" inquired Izumi.
"To Ichiraku's for some ramen." answered Naruto, "Would you like to come with me?"
With a radiant smile, Izumi knelt down, and met Naruto at eye level, "I'd love to, sweetie."
"Yay! I get to go out with a super pretty girl.
Believe it!"
"Awww, you really think I'm pretty?"
"You're the Angel of the Uchiha."
Izumi smiled, then planted a kiss upon Naruto's forehead, "Thank you."
Smirking at Itachi, Anko teased, "The Gaki's stealing your girlfriend,"
"Very funny." deadpanned Itachi.
"Just wait, he'll be a total heartthrob when he's a teenager."
Naruto raised an eyebrow, "I'd prefer a swarm of fangirls than another mob of psycho villagers who think it's okay to torture and murder a child."
Several weeks later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, security surveillance room, evening.
Almost pissing herself laughing like a maniacal sadist addicted to laughing gas, Anko watched the security monitors with a bucket of Dangos and a bottle of BLOOD, which was her favourite brand of red wine's name, "Yay, it's my favourite show!
I love watching the antics of my adorable Gaki, Naruto Uzumaki."
Via the P.A, Anko teasingly sang, "One, two, Gaki's pranked Root ANBU.
Three, four, he's done this before.
Five, six, he's got new tricks.
Seven, eight, he'll be up till late.
Nine, ten, till we play again." before she received a salute as the prankster vanished out a window pursued by furious Root agents.
"Intruder's cornered, all units converge." ordered a Root ANBU agent as Naruto, on-screen, ran into a dead end.
"Don't give up, Gaki!" called out Anko, via the P.A.
Eating slowly in suspense, Anko grinned upon hearing Naruto shout, "Harem Jutsu!" causing a hundred sexy, busty, slim, voluptuous, naked women, who were actually shadow clones, to appear and start getting intimate with each other, causing a team of 50 Root ANBU to pass out from massive nosebleeds whilst the real Naruto escaped from them.
"Kami, yes! That was priceless, Gaki!" applauded Anko, "I love monitor duty when my hyperactive baby pulls pranks."
As he walked in with Kakashi, Nagato, Yahiko, Konan, Izumi, Yugao, Ibiki and Shisui, Itachi asked, "What are you doing?"
With a grin, Anko answered, "Watching the latest episode of Uzumaki: The Cheeky Gaki."
"And what prankster jutsu has our little Orange Flash of Konoha developed this time?" asked Shisui.
"Let's just say it'd make good material for Jiraiya's next naughty novel."
Itachi exhaled, "You take things too lightly,"
Anko smirked, "And you take everything too seriously, broody boy.
Now imagine my favourite Gaki in the real Anbu, or as the Hokage,"
"If he puts as much time, energy and effort into it as he does into his pranks, he'll be a great Hokage." mused Nagato before Itachi left the room.
On the monitor, several smoke grenades were released as the rest of the Root forces moved in, "Target down, proceeding to-" before Naruto rolled away from them each time they went for him, and started throwing kunai at them, "What the fuck?"
"He does some weird shit in his sleep." commented another Root agent who engaged the sleeping Naruto in hand-to-hand combat, and lost along with his fellow Roots, "I've heard of sleepwalking, but this is ridiculous!"
"What is happening right now?" asked yet another Root agent as his unit was taken down.
Nagato, Yahiko, Izumi, Yugao, Konan, Shisui and Anko were almost dying of laughter while Kakashi sweat dropped, and Ibiki's jaw dropped.
"Please, Naruto, for the love of Kami, wake up!" pleaded Tenzo as he arrived, on the monitor, "What in the name of the Five Kage and the Sage of Six Paths are you teaching your students, Iruka?" before his eyes widened in horror, "Oh, shit! Shit! Shit!"
As a bright blue sphere of chakra, that was intentionally weaker than usual, formed in his right palm, Naruto hit poor Tenzo in the chest, "Rasengan."
"Ahhhh!" screamed Tenzo as he was sent crashing into a tree trunk.
"Who teaches the Rasengan to a six year old?" asked Konan, grinning.
"He taught it to himself," elaborated Nagato, "He saw Jiraiya Sensei do it once, then he decided to try it."
Anko mused, "It took my baby Gaki a whole three minutes to master it.
We thought he had his own Sharingan,"
"Really? What's he going to learn next? The Hiraishin?" mused Yugao.
Anko's eyes gleamed, "Great idea!
Only problem is nobody else knows it, so he'll have to figure it out the hard way unless it's secretly a bloodline limit."
"What have they been feeding you?" asked Ibiki as he arrived on the scene, "We really need to bring Iruka in for questioning if this is what his students are capable of in their sleep."
Watching the monitor in shock, Kakashi asked, "What's he up to now?"
Slapping Shisui's arm in anticipation, Anko gleefully grinned at the screen, "Oooh, ooh, this is gonna hurt so badly!"
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Not so hard!" protested Shisui.
"That's what she said."
Surrounded by the rest of the Root's forces as he assumed an unmistakable fighting stance, Naruto, now fully awake and alert, quietly said, "Eight trigrams." whilst the bastards fell in droves.
Stunned upon seeing the kid's closing performance before his departure, Shisui asked, "So, did the entire Anbu really just get their asses kicked by a child?"
"Ibiki and Tenzo aside, the ones our treasure pranked and defeated were actually Danzo's root." replied Yugao, "If that bastard's planning anything treasonous, it's back to the drawing board.
His entire private army's gonna be spending the next few weeks in hospital."
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Hokage tower, office, evening.
Finishing a report, Naruto chuckled, "I wonder how many of them know I'm getting paid to do this."
"Indeed, and I am looking forward to seeing the reactions to your file listing so many completed S-rank, B-rank and A-rank missions,"
"Anyone who's not in the loop will think it's another prank."
As he entered, ragged and exhausted, Tenzo panted as he looked at the ground, "Lord Hokage, Naruto's at it again…" then looked up to see Uzumaki holding a thick pay packet, "Wait, this was all a drill?"
"Yes, and you can review the footage to assess your performances." confirmed Hiruzen.
"Sorry for the trouble, Uncle Tenzo." added Naruto.
Several days later.
Interior: Konoha, weapon's shop, morning.
Naruto entered the store to see Tenten at the counter, "Hello there."
"Hi, Naruto!" greeted Tenten as she hugged him tightly, "Need help with anything?
Or are you just browsing?"
"I've been thinking about learning to use a sword.
Can you show me some options?"
"Right this way." mused Tenten as she led him around the shop, "this is a katana, this is a shoto, this is a tanto, this is a chakra sabre…"
Having zoned out as he eyed a simple but elegant design in the catalogue, Naruto was brought out of his daze when Tenten kissed his cheek.
"What'd I do to earn that?" asked Naruto, surprised as he blushed.
"I just wanted to see the look on your cute, whiskered face," replied Tenten who grinned, "totally worth it,"
"And the Anbu, especially the creeps in the Root division, call me cheeky when I prank them,"
"I've got to see the footage of your pranks sometime," mused the weapon lover.
"I'm so quick they're calling me the Orange Flash."