Published October 22, 2023
"Lament"
Failure.
Sylvie had experienced it before, but never with such dire consequences for herself.
Loki may have gotten her into this mess, but she could not blame him entirely. She should have urged him on faster during their journey on foot. They should have been running, not having a leisurely conversation.
They should have been smarter about fighting their way to the ark, too. Strangely, they managed to watch out for each other, helping each other when attacked. But they had not been quick enough to reach the vessel before it was destroyed.
Sylvie turned her back on it while Loki and the planet's inhabitants watched it in despair. It was over, and she had no interest in seeing the emotions that would soon hit them all.
The immediate instinct to survive and the long-term desire for revenge had always driven her forward. But now, there was nothing to do but wait to die.
She left the town, not wanting to see the chaos that would only worsen from that point on. She had seen it before—the last-second pillaging, ravaging, and general destruction as people either gave in to despair or grasped some last bit of pleasure. She wanted no part in it.
Despite spending her life in apocalypses, Sylvie had never actually witnessed the very end of any world. She had always taken care to leave before she could be numbered among the casualties. This would be the only time she experienced the end herself.
The only way out she could think of was creating a nexus event, but they were past the point when that would have been possible. She had learned to hide too well, and now no one—in or out of time—would know that she was gone.
She had come so close, even infiltrating the TVA itself. But all her plans and painstaking efforts over the years had not been enough to defeat them. Even something as simple as recharging a device could take her down.
Sylvie found a lake a short distance from the town, and sat down on a large boulder to wait. It was the most peaceful and picturesque spot that could be found in this terrible time and place. Lamentis-1 had beautiful colors at the best of times, and even the shadow of the approaching moon could not extinguish them completely. The meteors breaking off from the moon and crashing onto the planet even enhanced the colors with their fire. Strange that destruction could look beautiful in its own way.
But Sylvie was not alone for long. Loki found her. She did not look at him as he approached, or as he sat on the boulder next to hers.
But then he did something that she did not think any Loki did often: he apologized. She looked at him then, out of the corner of her eye.
Sylvie barely knew how to accept an apology; she did not think anyone had ever offered her one. Nor could she truthfully say "It's alright" or "No harm done," as though that could reassure him about her feelings or console him about the situation. But she nodded, accepting his apology as much as she could.
She had brushed off his attempts to learn about her earlier. She had never told anyone her story. But now that she was about to die, she wanted at least one person to know it, to understand how she had gotten to this point and what kind of life was about to end.
There was no longer any point in maintaining her tactical advantage of knowing more about Loki than he did about her. And if these were their final moments, she did not want to spend them feeling as lonely as she had ever been.
Truth to tell, at certain points during the last several hours, Loki's company had made her feel less alone. He did not truly know her, but he knew where she came from and what she was up against.
Sylvie did not often allow herself to dwell on memories of Asgard anymore. But now, for one moment, she allowed herself to reminisce, and even to feel nostalgic, about the home and people she had lost.
She felt, more than she saw, Loki's reaction to learning she was a child at the time of her arrest. He had just recently experienced the humiliation and disorientation of the TVA's booking process himself. Being abducted, stripped naked, and sent through one trapdoor after another had been much more terrifying for her as a little girl than for him as a grown man.
"I'm not supposed to exist." She had known all along that the TVA believed that, but it was the first time she said it as though it were true. It was a depressing, alienating idea, though it had sometimes made her all the more determined to live, just to spite those who believed it.
Larger and more numerous meteors were falling now. Soon, the impact from those craters was going to kill them, unless they held out until the moon itself fell into the planet.
"Do you think what makes a Loki a Loki is that we're destined to lose?" Sylvie asked. Although their earlier conversation about their identities had been mostly in jest, she asked it pensively now.
She had thought that she was different from all the other Loki variants, whose lives were marked by failure and ended with either death or pruning. But now she was going to fail and die, just like the rest of them.
For once, Loki spoke seriously, and his tone made Sylvie finally look at him directly. His words were still nonsense, though, at least at first: he spoke as though they could still get out of this, as though their death was not fast approaching. "No. We may lose, sometimes painfully; but we don't die. We survive. I mean, you did."
Then he was complimenting her, lauding her really. Sylvie had received compliments before, but they had usually been from people who wanted something from her. And even taking them to be genuine, they had never been more than skin-deep, because she never opened up to anyone. No one knew the full extent of her personality, her abilities, or her achievements. No one had ever commended her for what mattered most to her: her will to survive and her commitment to her mission.
Loki probably did not give compliments often, unless he was buttering up someone he intended to prank or betray in some way. But at this point, Sylvie had no reason to doubt his sincerity. He had nothing to gain from lying to her. His words and tone conveyed that he genuinely respected and even admired her. It gave her an unusual feeling inside, a kind of warm glow.
Was this what it was like to have a friend? Was this what friendship was—being nice to someone when you have nothing to gain from doing so?
Sylvie wanted him to know she appreciated his words, and that she forgave him, even though, in many ways, it was his fault that they had ended up there.
Not knowing what to say, she placed her hand on his arm, which had already been quite close as he leaned toward her during their conversation. He looked down at the contact, then at her face again; his eyes were full of surprise, but his expression was still earnest.
Their attention was pulled away by two enormous meteors crashing just a mile or two away on the other side of the lake. The impact sent shockwaves through the ground and swirling clouds of debris into the air. Soon they would ripple out and engulf everything, including Loki and Sylvie.
Perhaps by instinct, or out of a jolt of fear, Loki moved his hand to grasp Sylvie's. They looked at each other again, trembling, trying not to panic.
Then, the corners of Loki's lips turned up slightly, giving just the hint of a smile. It was not a look of encouragement, exactly, but of solidarity, as though to say, I'm here.
They could not stop what was happening, but they could face it together. They could spend their last moments looking at each other rather than at their approaching death. Somehow that made it easier to bear.
That was why Sylvie was able to smile back at him, sad and grateful and wishing they had more time.
Suddenly, there was a familiar sound behind them. They let go of each other and sprang to their feet as two Timedoors appeared, and several Minutemen came through.
Sylvie had never been so happy or relieved to see anyone from the TVA. Here was their escape, and a route back to the Time-Keepers.
But then the Minutemen put time collars on both her and Loki, and started to lead them to different rooms. She tried to look at him over her shoulder as she was forced into a time theater; their expressions were almost mirror images of dismay. She heard him grunting and struggling against his guards' grips as they continued with him down the hall.
They might be out of the fire now, but they were still in the proverbial frying pan. If they were not pruned immediately, Renslayer would not let their actions go unpunished.
Even so, Sylvie had a feeling—hope? confidence?—that if an opportunity came, she could count on Loki to help her.
Author's Note: There is a strange, ambiguous cut between the Timedoors appearing on Lamentis-1 and the TVA escorting Loki and Sylvie to different rooms. A deleted scene shows Loki trying (pretending?) to use Sylvie as a human shield. But the fact that Loki says "You betrayed me" to Mobius in the next scene made me think maybe he got Loki and Sylvie to come to the TVA willingly, as a means of escape, and only arrested them after they put their lives in his hands.
