Day Twenty: Just In Case This Doesn't Work
Characters/Pairings: Jake/Rose;
Rating: T
Content warnings: character death; discussions of suicide
Don't forget that you can find me on tumblr: we - are - all - of - legend - now and that my ao3 account is wearealloflegendnow (even though I haven't posted there yet)!
~TLL~
Dear Jake,
I hope you never see this letter. I can tell from the way you talk that you have zero doubts about this plan and our future and if everything goes the way it's supposed to, I never want you to know how much doubt and fear that I have right now. Your unwavering faith in us is just one of the many things I love about you.
Just in case you're wrong, just in case this doesn't work, I want you to have this letter from me, telling you that it's okay. I know what you're going to say "Rose, nothing will ever be okay again!" and it might feel like that now. My wish for you is that you have a beautiful life that you truly love. If something happens to me tomorrow, please don't think you failed and please don't think I blame you.
"But, Rose –"
No.
I can't go over every 'what if' but I know my heart and my soul and every word I am about to write will always be true.
I love you and I know you love me. I know you did everything to protect me and save me and even if you made a mistake, it wasn't because you gave up. I know you'd never give up on me which is why, if I am dead and you are not, I am asking you to give me up. I'm not asking you to forget me because I know you couldn't – the same way I could never forget you – but I'm asking you to let me go. Please, don't wallow. Please, laugh again because I love the sound of your laugh. Keep me in your heart and move on, knowing how much I want you to have all of those things that we never can.
I really believe I will see you in the next life and I expect you to have all sorts of wonderful stories from all the decades I had to miss.
I love you.
I will always love you.
Rose.
(-.-)
The letter was waiting for him when he arrived home from the funeral. Jake stood and stared at the familiar loops of her handwriting, struck dumb all over again by the fact that Roe was never going to write anything again. Rose was never going to do anything ever again.
Because Rose was dead.
Jake adjusted his hold on her urn to pick up the letter and then fled to his room before his friends and family could catch him crying and try to comfort him. Again. Jake didn't want to be comforted. Jake wanted to hurt. Jake needed to hurt.
The pain of Rose's last scream was still echoing in his ears and Jake needed to feel that kind of pain if he ever hoped to have another ounce of peace in this lifetime.
Jake sat on his bedroom floor and put Rose's ashes on the floor next to him. He opened her letter, hoping that the contents would be enough to kill him. Death would be a blessing to Jake now. As Jake read, he felt the grief and the love give way to something much stronger: rage.
"Why?" Jake shouted at Rose's urn, his hands shaking so badly he worried he was going to hear the letter in half. "why would you do this to me?"
Rose didn't answer, because Rose was dead.
"You can't make me live without you! I won't. I need you!"
But her very last wish was for him to live and how could he possibly let her down on her very last wish? He couldn't and she knew it and she had probably done this on purpose so he didn't run off with her body and jump off the nearest bridge.
"I love you," Jake said, "and I'll do it. I'll leave every godforsaken year this Earth wants to give me and I'll do it without you. But, just so you know: I hate you for it."
And Rose stayed silent, because she was dead.
