Loudest Memories
Chapter Two - Who Am I?
A Story by NicktheWordBearer
Rita hated how silent their home had become, she missed the days were she couldn't even hear her own thoughts, now she could hear nothing but her own thoughts all the time...no matter how much she wished she couldn't hear them, why had this happened to them? to her family, she knew it was a terrible way to think like that but she couldn't help it! why couldn't it have been to someone else's family, anyone but hers, oh lori...her beautiful daughter...she wished it had happened to herself instead, her daughter had been violated then killed like a animal...by that fucking monster! the only solace she got from all this was that monster was now dead and rotting in hell, she owed ronnie a favor...oh God what was she thinking! ronnie was deeply traumatised and here she was thinking about paying her money for killing someone at the young age of eleven...but she couldn't help it, all her thinking made her remember back on that horrible day.
Flashback
Rita fell to her knees crying her eyes out, she had expected the worst when the police had called her husband and told them to drive all the way to the great lakes city hospital, something had happened to her babies...well it was far worse then she could ever have imagined, her gorgeous daughter raped and killed, taken away from this world in one of the worst way possible, but that wasn't enough for that fucking monster, no he had to rape her little boy too...marvin lakhan, that was the name of the monster, the police had found his body close to the crime area...he had bleed out from being stabbed and multiple gunshots, marvin lakhan is a name she was going to curse for the rest of her days.
"When can we see lincoln sir?" lynn sr asked the police officer who had just finished explaining everything to them, it was strange, normally it was her who kept calm and her husband crying hysterical, but in this situation it was the other way around, but she could tell he was staying strong for her, but it sounded like he was slowly losing it from the way his voice was shaking "You can see him right now if you want, he is asleep right now...the trauma was too much for the poor boy, also make sure he dosen't talk too much when he wakes up, his jaw needs to heal so he needs to be careful" the police officer told lynn, who thanked him after he was done, when the police officer walked away lynn sr slowly bent down and gave rita a strong hug from behide.
"Come on honey...lincoln needs us" he whispered into her ear, she nodded her head, trying to stop her crying just in case lincoln was awake, after a few seconds of trying, she somehow managed to stop her crying, lynn sr gentley lifted her up and they started to walk towards lincoln's room, for rita it felt like years but when they finally reached his door, rita couldn't hold herself back, she rushed the door and smashing it open and when she saw his little body laying completely still on the hospital bed her tears started to flow again, she slowly walked over to him and cuddled into him, holding him just like when he was a baby.
"O-oh my baby! my poor baby" rita couldn't hold it back anymore and started to wail loudly again in full force, she hid her face in his beautiful white hair sniffing it to make sure that he was really here, she felt lynn sr hug them both, trying to hide them from the world outside, he wanted to protect them from all pain in the world using his body as a shield, but he knew that this couldn't last forever...soon they would have to face the real world again, and both he and rita knew that things would never be the same again.
End of Flashback
Rita could feel tears flow down her cheeks and fall down on the morning table, and when she noticed that she had put one plate too many...she had put a plate where lori always sat, she fell down to her knees and cried silently...but then she felt a loving hand on her shoulder, she knew who that hand belonged to, it belonged to her batter half the love of her life...her lynn, she stood up and pulled him into a hug, she could feel his arms wrap around her holding her close, not letting go until she was ready to face the world again, it took her a few minutes until she got her waterworks under control again, when she slowly pulled away from him, he gave her a loving smile, oh mighty God she loved this man, she smashed her lips against his wanting him to feel all her love, and for a moment she felt like a teenage girl again, remembering the first time they kissed.
They kissed for a few minutes pouring love into each other in hopes that it could overwhelm the sadness in their hearts...but no matter how much love they gave each other it would never make the sadness truly go away, no...only time could do that, rita pulled away from lynn and just held him for a moment, "Sorry honey...it's been weeks and i still can't stop...putting her plate on the table, i miss her so much" she was just about to cry again but lynn pulled her back into a tight hug, "It's okay honey...let it be there, let's have a family breakfast with her here" he smiled at her, making her let out a little sob, but she held it back, she nodded at him with a forced smile, yes she could be here in spirit, and so the both of them started to put food on the table.
"Maw-nin" came the tired voice of luna who held little lily in her arms, she sat down with a gentle smile on her face looking down at the half awake baby, rita and lynn sr had told all the older girls what had happened to lori and lincoln...they deserved to know after all, and all of them had changed after they learned the horrible truth, it almost made rita regret telling them but as lynn sr said, better tell them sooner rather than later, luna had become more quiet, she started acting more like a mom to her other siblings, always making sure they were safe, always checking if they were eating and that they didn't stay out too late...especially lincoln, she was watching him like a hawk.
Luan kept making jokes...but one could see it was hard for her, somedays she just broke down in the middle of a joke, when asked why she was forcing herself to keep trying to be funny she said that the show had to go on, and they all needed humor in their lifes now more then ever.
Lynn's change had been her becoming more aggressive towards everyone but her family, she didn't trust anyone and got into more fights then ever before, and she had also become more overprotective of her siblings, if someone even looked at them in the wrong way she would snap at them.
leni was still her old self...in a way, the dark look in her eyes whenever someone she didn't know approached her siblings had frightened some people, it had even scared rita at one point, she had tried to talk to her about it, but leni just told her everytime that she had no idea what rita was talking about.
All the younger girls had just been told that lori had died in a accident and it happened right infront of lincoln..that is reason why they thought he was acting so different, rita didn't want them to know yet...not until they were older, she wanted them to keep their innocence as long as possible.
Speaking of her daughters all of them started to come into the kitchen area one by one, each of them saying good morning to rita and lynn sr and to each other, so they all started to have a morning chat...well they tried to, it was mostly them making awkward chat about the weather or asking each other what they were going to do today, seeing them all here it was time to get the last one of her babies, "i'm going to go and wake up lincoln" rita said out loud turning around and left the kitchen area and made her way to her and lynn sr's bedroom, never noticing the sad looks she got from her older daughters.
Now standing infront of her bedroom door, she slowly opened the door and walked through into the dark room, and there he was...sleeping under the blanket, even in his sleep he was trying to hide from the world, lincoln had been the one who had changed the most after the incident, he couldn't sleep alone anymore, it was rare to ever see him smile now...a thing she missed so much, he didn't talk unless spoken too, but what broke her heart the most was his eyes, there was no life in them anymore, he was almost like a corpse walking, but the lincoln they all loved was still in there somewhere, for when any of them needed help he was there like always, always coming up with his amazing plans, always there to help the people he loved, it made rita so happy...and sad at the same time.
She slowly layed down in the bed and cuddled his little broken form, he felt so much smaller then before...everything, rita started giving his neck gentle kisses until he started to wake up, "Morning lincoln~ sleep well" she whispered to him with all the motherly love she could muster, all he did was nod with those dead eyes of his, it nearly made her cry until he moved over and cuddled into her, she forced her tears back and instead kissed his little forehead, she slowly wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close to her, from a outside perspective it almost looked like she was breastfeeding him like when he was just a little baby.
"Lincoln we really need to get up, you need breakfast in your stomach mister" she said once again in her motherly voice, but lincoln shook his head, making her let out a sigh, it was a fight with him everytime...looks like she had to use that card again, "Please lincoln, will you not do it for me?" she asked him, and after a few seconds he let out a little "Okay" and slowly got out of her hold, she smiled at him and helped him get his clothes on, after he was ready both of them left the dark room and made their way into the kitchen together.
"Morning lincoln!" his sisters yelled out with big smiles on their faces, he sat down next to rita who had taken her own seat, "Morning..." he tried to smile back, but his smile looked...wrong like trying to draw a smile on a corpse, but all them ignored it and kept on smiling...making sure he didn't feel like a outsider and that they all loved him, lincoln looked away from his sisters and looked down at the food his dad had made for him and his sisters...homemade pancakes they looked good, but he didn't want to eat at all, just the thought of anything sliding down his throat almost gave him a panic attack...but he had to do it...mom asked him to and he would do anything for his family...but why did they have to put whipped cream on it.
Lynn sr noticed something was up when he saw how emotionless lincoln looked at the pancakes on his plate, had he made them wrong...no that couldn't be it lincoln loved pancakes with whipped cream on them...Lynn sr's eyes opened wide when he had realized his mistake...the cream made him think about...lynn sr had to shut his eyes closed to stop himself from crying, his poor boy how could he forget! what a idiot he was, how could he fix this...he opened his eyes again when he figured out what to do! his own plate of pancakes didn't have any cream on them yet, so he stood up with his plate and walked over to lincoln and switched their plates, when lincoln looked up at him, lynn sr gave him the most loving smile he could, "Sorry sport i accidentally gave you my plate of pancakes! here is yours" the smile lincoln gave him nearly made lynn sr fall over, it was not one of those dead smiles...was it like his old happy smile, no it was not but this one had some life to it, and so with that lincoln slowly began to eat little by little, and he never saw the smiles on his family's faces watching him eat.
Timeskip
Lincoln was happy he finally got away from his family and could be alone in his room, he had locked his door to make sure no one got in, looking into his bedroom mirror he slowly started to take off all his clothes until he was butt naked in his dark room, he bent down and got the makeup box and other stuff he had stolen from lori's...leni's room, now having everything he needed he opened the makeup box and started to put makeup on, trying and failling he ended up looking like a clown, not feeling like washing it out and trying again he pushed the box away and started getting dressed again, but he was getting dressed in lori's old clothes, starting with her light blue tank top, and then finishing with her brown cargo shorts and her old blue-gray slip-on shoes, since he didn't have holes in his ears he couldn't wear her pearl earrings, all of it was too big for him and made him look stupid...and the final part was the blonde wig that leni used to test out new clothing styles, looking in the mirror he started to talk.
"H-hey lori...everybody misses you...i miss you, they are all trying to help me get better, but i don't know if can get better lori...i wish it was me who died that day and not you, you would know what to do, how to get better...you wouldn't be a burden like me, i need your help lori...please talk to me...PLEASE TALK TO ME LORI!" he yelled at the mirror, falling down to the floor and bawl loudly in his dark empty room, lori's not here anymore...she was in a better place now...and he was gonna join her, he slowly stood up and turned around, he had stolen one of dad's ropes from the garage and turned it into a noose, it was hard to get it to hang from the ceiling, but he was smart, looking over to his bed he looked at the goodbye note he had wrote for his family, he hoped that they would understand, he loved them so much and he knew it would hurt them, but with him out of the way they could begin to heal, stepping ontop of the chair he put his head through it, he could feel his tears mix in with his makeup and flow down his cheeks, taking in three deep breaths he closed his eyes and kicked the chair out under him.
Luna's Perspective
Luna was walking to her room to play some music, she hadn't been in the mood to play in a long time, but today she felt like giving it a try, but walking past lincoln's door she heard a strange noise coming from his room, turning around she walked back and stood infront of his door, "Hey bro you okay in there?" she asked through the door, but all she got back was more awful sounds, she could feel panic begin to rise in her chest and she began to try and kick in the door, "LINCOLN BRO OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!" she yelled at the door hoping he would open it, something was wrong really wrong.
"What's going on luna!" looking to the side luna saw her sister luan standing right beside her, she must have heard her yelling and ran from their room, "SIS SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH LINCOLN HELP ME WITH THE DOOR!" she cried out, luan didn't understand what she meant until she too heard the awful sounds behide the door, without thinking she joined luna in trying to kick down his door, and after a few tries they manged to kick it open, and what they saw would haunt them for the rest of their lifes, it was lincoln in lori's clothes kicking in the air choking to death by a noose that he himself must have set up.
Luan had frozen completely, her mind couldn't understand what was happening right infront of her, but she was snapped out from it when she felt luna run past her and over to lincoln, she grabbed his legs and helt him up to stop him from choking, "LUAN GET THAT THING OFF HIM NOW!" luna yelled at her, she shook her head for a moment to come back to the real world and ran over to them, she pushed his head back out from the noose, making luna fall down with lincoln, laying on the floor now she kept her hold over lincoln making sure he couldn't run.
"LINCOLN WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!" luna yelled at the crying form of lincoln who tried to look away but she made sure he couldn't look away from her, "ANSWER ME" she yelled again and this time she would get a answer, "W-why d-didn't you let me die! it should have been me who died that day not lori! she was better then me in every way! i'm the only one who hasn't won a trophy...i'm the only one without a awesome skill like all of you...i'm nothing next you all, and now all i do is cause you all pain...i'm just a burden to you all" he cried all of it out holding his hands up to his face, trying to hide his shame from the world.
Luna didn't know what to say, his every word had been a dagger to her heart, and by looking at luan's crying face it had been painful to hear for her too, luna had to take a couple of deep breaths to keep herself from breaking down, she slowly wrapped him a hug with luan joining from behide so both of them were hugging him at the same time, "Linky you need to listen to me okay, you have never nor will you ever be a burden, your our little brother and i love you! we all love you! what do you think would have happened if you have died? i will tell you what..i would have killed myself" lincoln wailed loudly when he heard her say that, luna didn't like to make him feel worst but he had to hear the truth, "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if i failled to save you, and then the rest of the family would break down after...do you want that lincoln?...do you think lori would have wanted that, no she wouldn't she would want you to live a long and a happy life" lincoln moved his head so he could cry into her shoulder.
"Luna is right linky! if you were gone i wouldn't be able to be funny anymore, what would be the point if i couldn't make my little brother laugh anymore? you keep forgetting how important you really are to all of us, how important you are to me...i love you lincoln, so please don't ever try this again" she begged him, crying into his hair.
"Lincoln...lori is gone, she is in a better place now, but not all of her is gone...she is still alive through us" lincoln looked up at luna with big eyes, he couldn't understand what she meant, "S-she i-is s-still alive through u-us?" he tried to ask her but all his crying made it hard to talk, she nodded at him with a sad smile, "Yeah bro...all her dreams and wishes...her memory is still in our hearts, and as long as we keep it there she still lives" lincoln's mind had been completely overwhelmed...she was still alive...she was still alive in him...he could keep her alive, he could live her life for her...he could make her dreams come true through him.
Lincoln started to cry even harder, saying sorry over and over again and again to both of them, begging for their forgiveness, both luna and luan hugged him tight, trying to pour all their love into him, hoping it could fix his broken soul, but what luna didn't realize at the time, was how much her words were going to affect lincoln for years to come, who he really was.
End of Chapter Two
Hey everybody hoped you liked chapter two! let me know what you think, i hope you all have a great day!
