Nine Years Ago

"Fuck I'm tired."

"You didn't do anything today."

"I will have you know gathering criminal intel is exhausting." Greg countered, grinning while he grabbed a slice of pizza. Off his plate. "And I need to refuel."

He just gave his friend a look and took another slice for himself before following him into the living room to watch the hockey game. Mouse had had a hard time after their discharge finding a purpose, he was adamant the police force wasn't for him but nothing else had been either- he'd tried college but had only lasted one semester, tried private security for a stint but hadn't liked that either and somehow between legitimate job interviews he'd stumbled his way into a few illegitimate ones.

Except it hadn't been a stumble.

Jay didn't know what had prompted it, maybe a desire to be able to help Tess if anything like the Triad situation last year happened again, maybe because he'd just always been a bit of a troublemaker but he'd found his way into some seedy circles. And in the process had found his way into becoming his C.I, one of the most reliable, and definitely the most trustworthy but it was still weird. They worked for the same side but on opposite ones and he didn't know if he'd ever get used to that. And he didn't-

Thump, thump, thump.

"Did someone just kick our fucking door?"

"They better not be here for you." He said as he put his pizza down, shaking his head when Mouse said he didn't think it was but one glance through the peephole was all it took to have him flinging the door open. "What happened?"

"I'm fine."

"She has dengue." John said evenly, giving Tess a familiar exasperated look as he half-carried, half-dragged her into their apartment.

"What is that?"

"Jungle fever." Mouse and John answered together, his friend clearly worried but smirking and poking her when she made a face at him.

"How did she catch it?"

"Mosquito." John said tightly, putting her down on the couch with a gentleness that seemed out of place with his massive size. "We didn't know until we were on the plane out."

"Out of where?"

"To-Bay-go." Tess said with a loopy, but tired, smile, twiddling her fingers until he crouched beside her so he could take them, trying not to wince at the whisper she clearly thought was quieter than it was. "Everyone is overreacting. I just feel a little sick."

"Okay well even a little sick is still sick, so you stay here while I get you some water okay?"

"Mmmkay."

With an unneeded nod for Mouse to watch her he brought John into the kitchen, struggling to keep his voice even. "It's not just a little sick is it?"

The other man shook his head, the genuine worry in his eyes making Jay's a lot stronger. "The symptoms hit everyone differently-"

"Which are?"

"Nausea, headaches, body aches. Fever."

So that was what was making her loopy.

"How long does it usually last?"

"Anywhere from two to seven days. It's been about two as far as we can tell. And…"

"And what?" Jay asked when he trailed off, that sick feeling in his stomach growing at John's somber look.

"And it'll get worse before it gets better."

That didn't sound good.

How much worse it didn't seem like John knew and Jay knew better than to turn to Google to try and find out. His only job now was to take care of Tess.

"We've got her from here."

"And I've got you if you need tech support."

They both startled as Greg popped up behind him, grabbing the water he'd forgotten about and returning his and John's appreciative nods with one of his own, the bigger man looking them over shrewdly. They didn't know each other well, aside from the two ops they'd worked together and the stories they'd no doubt heard from Tess but Jay knew he was a good man, honourable and reliable.

But what did he think of them?

He took a minute to decide, he didn't really have a choice if their op was still active but Jay knew how hard it was to leave her so he offered the only thing that made it easier for him. "I'll keep you updated. I only have Viv and Coulson's numbers but-"

"It's about time we had each others."


This was awful.

When Tess heaved again his body recoiled with her, his arms wrapped as fully but as loosely around her as he could manage, his legs on either side while his head rested against the back of hers, his eyes squeezed tight at her frustrated, helpless little sob. There wasn't even anything in her stomach, she couldn't keep anything down but still she felt the urge. And there wasn't anything he could do. He couldn't even soothe himself. Her hair was so damp with sweat the vanilla was drowned out and instead of the sweet hint of tart blackberry her skin had that sickly scent, the one that reminded him of his mother.

Another woman he hadn't been able to help.

She kept going for another three minutes, that awful retching ringing so loud in his ears it wasn't until she finally collapsed against him that Jay realized she'd stopped and quickly grabbed the cloth to wipe her face. He couldn't tell if she was trembling because she was exhausted or cold so as soon as he was sure she was done he gently lifted her up and brought her back to his room, sitting her down on the bed, and then holding her upright as he started taking off the clothes that smelt like death.

"I'm sorry."

He immediately paused at Tess's quiet mumble, pulling her head off his shoulder so he could look her in her eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me? You are sick so it's my job to take care of you."

"It's not fair."

"Tess-"

"I keep coming home broken."

Jay froze, so shocked he didn't realize he was guiding her head back into the crook of his neck until she was nuzzling closer, her sad little sigh finally snapping him out of it. He didn't think she even realized she'd spoken never mind what she'd said but that didn't mean she hadn't meant it and that… That was unacceptable.

His only solace was that she was so out of it she didn't catch that it took him a minute to get himself together, so lost in his own thoughts it wasn't until he was grabbing a pair of his sweats, despite the temperature that had been slowly rising she swore she was freezing, that he heard a commotion coming from the hall. The second he started to pay attention he recognized Greg's voice and he swore he knew the other one too but what he definitely knew was that they were getting closer so he quickly rushed to get Tess covered but before he could his bedroom door swung open, the man who stormed in not his roommate but his friend.

Antonio Dawson.

He had just enough time to take in Tess laying limp, and naked, before Greg was shoving him out and kicking the door shut. His old training officer wasn't one to backdown, and he had silver gloves in boxing so it wasn't easy to make him but he didn't come back in, their slightly quieter voices moving back down the hall. But that did nothing to calm him.

"Do we have guests?"

But that did.

Somewhat, a forced breath out was all he allowed himself before he gently lifted Tess up again. "An unwanted guest, but he's leaving now."

"Okay." She said simply and that more than anything else told Jay how sick she was.

Tess was fiercely protective of everyone but especially the people she loved and with her instincts hearing someone was here unwanted should've woken her up, should've done something. But it didn't. She just nuzzled closer and as glad as he was that she feel safe with him it felt wrong right now; he wasn't used to seeing her so weak, so out of it. And that made him extra protective. He got her changed as quickly as he could and then tucked her in, pausing just long enough to make sure she was out before he slipped into the hall, one more ineffective breath before he headed towards the voices coming from the living room.

"…so I suggest no raised voices or sudden-"

Greg and Antonio both froze when they caught sight of him, Antonio looking embarrassed and Greg frustrated but also like he was holding back a smirk.

"I'm gonna go check on her."

"She's sleeping." He told him, though he didn't take his eyes off his coworker.

Friend.

Antonio was his friend, he'd met his wife and kids for Christ's sake and it wasn't like this was the first time he'd been over but it was different.

He had Tess here and she came first.

Tess, who Antonio had never heard of never mind met.

"You don't ever come here without an invitation again." Jay said firmly, watching the other man's eyes widen as he looked him over before he slowly nodded, though he also straightened.

Never one to back down.

"They said you were sick."

"I have sick days."

"Except I saw you two days ago and you were fine." Antonio shot back before he too took a breath, by the looks of it thinking about how he'd react if the situations were reversed. "But I'll knock the next time I want to check on you."

"Or text."

Jay swore he saw a flash of hurt and that made him feel like a dick, it was the exact opposite of what Tess would want if she was herself but that was the point. She wasn't which meant he couldn't be, which meant he was going to have to make it up to his friend another day.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah. She always is."


"How's she doing?"

"It got a bit worse but that just means she's closer to getting better." He said as evenly as he could, which wasn't much based on John's heavy sigh.

"What's hitting her the hardest?"

Fucking everything.

She was still retching and her temperature was steadily and no longer slowly rising and she couldn't handle any light because it hurt her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes she'd spent ten minutes crying to him about how badly they hurt. He hadn't even known that was possible. Neither had Tess.

I'd rather be tortured.

Jay still shivered every time he thought about what she'd said but as sick as it made him he understood.

He'd rather have a real enemy to fight too.

"Jay-"

"Fever and the aches." He finally answered, not wanting the other man to know just how much pain she was in but also knowing how badly he would want the truth. "It's been five days now so she'll take a turn for the better soon. I'm sure of it."

"If you need anything-"

"I need all of you to take care of yourselves. I've got her."

"I know. I trust you."


He had to pick up.

This was the first time he'd called him in months, the first time he'd needed him in years so he had to pick up.

Pick up, pick up, pick up the fucking phone-

"Jay? What're you- it's three in the morning-"

"I know what time it is, I need your help."

Just like that his brothers voice flipped from sleepy and irritated to wide awake and panicked. "What's going on? Are you hurt?"

"How do I fix dengue?"

"How do you- what?"

"Dengue." He said roughly, too frightened himself to bother with niceties. "Jungle fever. Tess has it and I need to know how to fix it."

"Jay I don't know anything about that."

"Are you saying you're not going to help her?"

"Jay I'm a plastic surgeon, I don't-"

He tried to hold it together, he really did but that tone he used, the same one he'd used when he'd talked about their moms illness pushed him over the edge.

"Some fucking doctor you turned out to be." He spat, his anger getting stronger the more he let it out. "You'd rather give some rich guy's trophy wife bigger tits instead of help a woman you actually know, a woman I love."

"Jay-"

"I should've known better than to come to you for help."

"Jay-"

He hung up before he could say anything else, tossing his phone on his dresser and ignoring the buzzing as he sat back beside Tess and took her hand.

Her fever had gotten worse.

A lot worse, to the point where she was getting delusional; she still recognized him, and Mouse and Lydia but she didn't know where she was, didn't know what was wrong, the only mercy he could find in all of this. That and that it was supposed to end. Two to seven days John had said, and of course she had to be the tough girl and get it as hard as could be. Two more days and she should be out of the woods but what if she wasn't? What if something was wrong, what if John had been wrong, what if it wasn't dengue? He wanted to get her checked out but the second he'd said the word doctor she'd panicked, bad enough that he'd been stupid enough to promise not to take her. That was a promise he'd be okay if he had to break but he would only do it if he really thought he needed to, but the problem was he didn't know. He didn't know how sick she was and he didn't know what to do, the internet just kept saying she had to get through it but that was bullshit, he had to be able to do something.

So he'd called his big brother.

Fat lot of good that had done.

A soft knock on the door had him hastily wiping his cheeks, not that Mouse wouldn't be able to tell, or cared, though his face did soften as he looked him and Tess over. "Call your brother."

"I tried but he-"

"Call him back." He said as he grabbed his cell and tossed it over. "He's blowing up my phone."

He was?

With another soft look Mouse nodded and left, his brother by a different kind of blood, Jay looking at the phone in his hand for a minute before he reluctantly hit the call button.

"What are her symptoms?" Will said by way of hello, firmly but carefully not sternly.

His Doctor voice.

"She's had them all but the worst right now are the body aches and her fever; the last I checked her temperature was 102.3 F. That was an hour ago."

There was quiet on the other end of the line and he could feel Will thinking, a feeling so old but so familiar Jay started slowly relaxing.

For a second.

"Alright, I think you should take her in-"

"Not an option."

"Jay you asked for my help." He said tightly, another tone he recognized. "And you can throw it in my face all you want-"

"Will I guarantee you going to the hospital in her state is not what's best for her. You know her past." He finished quietly, knowing whether it was the accident with her parents or her 'contract' work his brother cared enough for her that he wouldn't want to upset her more than was absolutely necessary.

"Fine. But if it gets any higher-"

"I'll take her." He promised, swallowing heavily as he readjusted his grip on her hand- her, the woman who squirmed like an octopus and slept as lightly a cat, who hadn't stirred once this whole conversation. "Is-... Is there anything I can do?"

"You need to get her to drink water. As much as possible. And… you can try giving her a bath but it needs to be lukewarm, you understand? Not hot, not cold. And don't get her hair wet. I'll check with some colleagues in the morning but if her fever gets worse you need to take her in. And keep me updated okay? Jay?"

The sharp worry in his brothers voice dragged him out of a distant, buried memory of his father carrying his mother out of the bathroom, near the end, and he had to swallow again before he could answer. "Okay. I will. Thank you."

"You're welcome… Anytime."

"Thanks."

"Call me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

One more breath full of everything they wanted but couldn't say to each other and then Will hung up and he was left with nothing but quiet. And Tess's own hitched breaths, intermingled with those horrible whimpers. Pushing her hair out of her face he opened his window to air out the room then went to start a bath, asking Mouse to keep an eye on it while he cajoled her into drinking a glass of water.

Half a glass but it was more than the two sips she'd had earlier so he was taking it.

He should have thought more about what she would take.

And what she wouldn't.

Mouse stood just outside the bathroom as he carried her in, just as desperate as him for something to work, and just as blind as to why this was such a bad idea. The second her feet slipped under the water Tess let out a bloodcurdling scream that startled him so badly he half-dropped her, quickly pulling her out when that made her panic more, falling back on his ass as she scrambled to throw herself out of the tub.

"I won't break, I won't break, I won't break."

She just kept mumbling it over and over, a death grip on his neck so tight he had trouble breathing but he didn't dare even think about asking her to let go.

He should have known better.

"Jay-"

Greg fell silent when he looked at him, following him into his room and sitting beside him on the floor as he kept Tess cradled in his arms, the same tortured look on his face as he listened to her repeat herself, over and over and over. Except neither of them had ever been tortured.

But she had.

And he should have remembered that.

He should have known better.

All night that was all Jay could think, even after she finally calmed down and passed back out, even after Greg told him a dozen times that he'd been trying to help, that they had baths together all the time and there was no way he could have known that was how she was going to react, Jay knew better. He knew her better and he should've anticipated that in her addled state she would have gone to the worst-case scenario. How many times had it happened to her after all?

How deep was her fear that it was going to keep happening?

The only thing that brought him out of his head was when he heard someone entering the apartment around seven-thirty, Greg was still sitting beside him but while he also straightened he looked relieved, squeezing his shoulder as he finally stood and quietly called the person in. The only one who had a chance of helping them. Lydia. Her warm brown eyes were heavy as she crept in and they got even heavier as she looked him and Tess over, right before they got firm in a look he'd come to know well.

"Theresa Evelyn Danvers."

Tess immediately startled, grabbing onto his arms as she blearily opened her eyes, squinting up at her aunt before she grunted and tried to bury her head in his shoulder, difficult when he'd turned her around in her sleep.

And when her aunt wasn't willing to back down.

"Don't you ignore me." A hard snap of her fingers had Tess's eyes opening again, a pout that would have made him laugh if he wasn't still so terrified. "You are sick and you need a bath so you are going to let Jay help you, you hear me?"

"I don't-"

"That was not a question young lady. You get your butt into that bath right now."

She grumbled but in the way that meant she knew she'd lose the fight, the relief that washed over all of them brief. "Yes mom."

Lydia froze and for a second Jay thought she was going to cry, thought he and Mouse were too, especially when she just crouched down and ran her hand down her nieces hair. "Thank you tiny tempest."

His heart broke when Tess leaned into it, he knew how often he still wished for his mothers touch, some of his own pain easing when Lydia ran a hand down his hair too. They worked together to make sure Tess knew what they were doing, and why, and this time he got in with her, his presence thankfully helping to calm her; it still took a while until she relaxed but slowly she did and once that happened she fell right back to sleep. Jay didn't actually know how much the bath was supposed to help, it was an urban myth that they broke fevers but she seemed more comfortable than she had in days so he'd stay in here with her as long as it took. Which was only about ten minutes before she started shivering so he put her back to bed, Mouse and Lydia hanging out in the living room in case they were needed, the older woman insisting she too had sick days. They offered to take turns watching her and he told them they were welcome to sit with them but that he wasn't going anywhere. Not a fucking chance. Jay wasn't leaving Tess's side until he knew she was going to be okay, but having also sat up with her the last six nights was starting to take its toll.

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he felt fingers tapping against his chest, Tess's quiet, croaky whisper instantly waking him. "What is it? What do you need?"

"I feel better."

"What?"

"I feel better." She repeated softly and for the first time in a week her eyes were clear. Tired as hell, but clear.

The relief that hit him was so strong he couldn't hold himself up against it but her hands came up to hold him, trembling but sure, with that strength he was just coming to realize how much he relied on.

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"Don't be." His intensity startled her but he wasn't going to miss this first opportunity to set her straight. "I don't care what state you come home in, I care that you come home. So you don't ever be sorry."

Tess just nodded, blinking a few times before she pulled him back into her, then rolled into him so he could get a better grip on her and then they just laid like that. She didn't fall back asleep, Jay knew she was still tired but she'd be sick of sleeping so she'd fight it and though in a little while he would aid in that battle, against her, right now he wanted to enjoy the brushes of her fingers through his hair and over his neck, her feet brushing up and down his legs and her head nestling closer. Wanted to feel the purpose in her touch instead of just the blind reaction he'd been getting all week.

"Hey Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Did Antonio see me naked?"


Thump, thump-

"Let us in!"

Tess started laughing as Vivienne's voice came through the door, Mouse rolling his eyes with a smirk as he got up to let them in while he helped her to sit up a little straighter. It had been three days since her fever had broken and though she was still a little weak she was feeling much better, and because of that so were the rest of them. He'd even gone back to work yesterday, at her insistence because she didn't want him using up all his sick days on her in case he needed them.

All the hell she'd just gone through and she was still more worried about everyone else.

"You knew we were coming so I don't know why that was even locked." Vivienne said as soon as Mouse opened the door, shooting him a perturbed look as she made a beeline for her friend, the rest of her team just shaking their heads as they filed in after her.

"What if she was naked?"

"I've seen her naked more than you have. Probably as much as he has." She said with a wave to him, making Tess laugh again as she climbed over the back of the couch and started looking her over.

"Well what if I was naked?"

"Who says I don't want to see that?"

That got his friend to pause, his mouth dropping open before his smirk came back even broader than before. "Anytime you want Nutcracker."

Vivienne just winked as she made space for Coulson to sit beside her and with one last scan he stood to give Michael and Nysa room to take their turn looking Tess over. This was a small apartment, the three of them filled it up so it felt extra tight to have so many people in here but he wouldn't have it any other way- not only did Jay understand the relief her team felt seeing her he understood the relief Tess felt seeing them. And while there was a pang of longing for that kind of reunion with his own men, impossible as it was, he too relaxed seeing them together.

Almost.

"She's okay now." He said quietly as he fell back to stand beside John, the big man also taking them all in.

"Thanks to you."

"She would've been alright- she's the strongest person I've ever known."

"Even the strongest people need a safe place to rest." John replied, his gaze soft but piercing as he looked him over. "Don't underestimate what that means."