Treehouse of Horror XVII
It's Halloween again! Homer eats some meteorite goo and becomes an all consuming blob monster in Married to the Blob. In You Gotta Know when to Golem. Bart finds a Golem of Jewish myths and legends back stage at Krustylu Studios and awakens it to do his bidding! Then finally in The Day the Earth Stood Stupid Orson Welles pranks Springfield in 1933 so they get mad at him and won't head his warnings when he warns them there's a real alien invasion.
Plot
Opening
In a parody of Tales from the Crypt, in which the opening is shamelessly ripped off as a first person tour of Mr Burns's estate and down into a catacombs/basement. The first person who's eyes we're seeing through falls down the basement stairs along the way. He then comes to creepy chamber with a coffin. The coffin opens and bats fly out. The rats crawl out. Then snakes slither out. Then spiders scuttle from it. And then cute fluffy bunnies scamper out of it.
"Awwwwww! Bunnies!" Vampire Oscar cooes in adoration.
"Confound it Smithers! Who ruined the mood putting stupid lagomorphs in here!?" Mr Burns as the Crypt Keeper muttered as he shooed away the rabbits. "I asked for creepy not cute!"
"Uh some people are scared of rabbits sir." said Zombie Smithers.
"Poppycock! Like who?!" Mr Burns rolled his eyes.
The camera pans round to Homer drawing bunny faces on Mr Burns's power sockets. He turns around to spook the audience. "Beware the bunnies! Wooooooo!"
"Simpson stop drawing on my wall sockets!" Mr Burns yells. "Now where was I? Ah yes. Good evening boils and Ghouls! I am the Crypt Keeper! Or should I say, Master of Scare-monies? Mwuhahahaha!"
"Very clever sir. You made the word Ceremonies frightening." Zombie Smithers praised his boss.
"I know what I did!" Mr Burns snapped.
"Hey can we get this going? This is is torture enough having to listen to you guys..." Moe who was standing in an Iron Maiden replied. No Oscar it's not the band Iron Maiden... I meant the medieval execution device...
Mr Burns nodded at Zombie Smithers and he shut the iron maiden on Moe.
"Oh for the love of god I'm in agony!" Moe screamed. "Except the spike poking my right nipple is dull."
Smithers smashes the spike in.
"Aghhhh! Now that's painful!" Moe groaned. His blood oozed out of the iron maiden and spelt out "Treehouse of Horror XVII." "Wow! My blood is a genius! Fancy Roman numerals and everything!"
And now the three frightening tales may begin! Mwuhahahaha!
Plot 2
Married to the Blob
One night in their backyard Homer and Marge were making out on Homer's hammock. Eeeeew! Gee I hope that's not your magic clone making hammock.
"What clone making Hammock?" Homer asked. Suddenly he and Marge were spun about and thrown off the hammock along with loads of clones!
The Homer and Marge Clones ran about yelling before running off into the neighbourhood.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned. "Let's make out on the bench." They continue making out. And snogging etc...
But Marge sees something in the sky.
"Oh look! A shooting star! How romantic!" said Marge.
"Yeah yeah, we'll look at it later... keep kissing me babe..." said Homer snogging his wife.
They snog.
However the shooting star flew towards them and crashed into the garden, taking some of Marge's tall blue hair with it.
"Oh my! That could have took my head off!" Marge gasped at the crashed meteor.
"Here we go again... yet another excuse to get out of making love..." Homer sighed.
They resume snogging.
Suddenly the kids ran out into the yard in their pyjamas inquisitive of the explosion caused by the meteor.
"Aw crap! Now the kids are out of bed..." Homer sighed. "Okay, shows over, nothing to see here... go to bed..." he said wearily to Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Hugo and Oscar.
"Homer they just want to see the meteor." Marge explained.
"Yeah Dad." said Bart in his green pyjamas.
"Look! It's hatching!" said Lisa.
"It's a space egg?!" Homer gasped.
Hugo jabbered in beastly sounds and growls and backed away from the meteor.
Out of the meteor hatched a green blob.
"Eeeew! It's some kind of gross blob!" said Lisa.
"It's a space booger!" Oscar gasped.
Bart laughed. "Space booger! Hehehehe! That's a good one!"
"Shut up, boy..." said Homer.
Hugo winced in disgust at Oscar.
Then Homer did something stupid.
"Oh! Space marshmallow!" He cooed getting the blob on a stick. He tried to eat the blob but it oozed away from him. "Hey get in my mouth!"
"Dad no! This could be evidence of extra terrestrial life!" Lisa warned him.
"Or it could be yummy space pudding!" said Homer.
"You're not seriously considering eating that?!" Oscar gagged.
"Homer no! You don't know what galaxy that thing may have come from!" Marge warned him.
"I'm gonna eat it." said Homer.
"No Dad!" The kids yelled.
"I'm gonna eat it..." said Homer.
"No Dad!"
Homer ate the green blob. However it tried to escape from him. First by oozing out of his nose and down his shirt.
"Eeeeeeeeeew!" Everyone groaned in disgust.
"I think I'm gonna throw up..." Oscar groaned while turning a shade of green.
Homer sucked it up but the blob tried to escape by his ears. He sucked it back up again.
"I've kept entire armies down. What chance do you have?!" said Homer swallowing the blob.
His stomach groaned.
...
Later that night once Homer got his pyjamas on and went to bed was awoken by his stomach gurgling with hunger.
In a trance he spoke in eerie monotone. "Must eat... then poop... then eat some more... then eat while pooping..."
In the kitchen someone had taken out food from the fridge and ate all of it. That someone was Homer.
He sucked up the entire contents of a bottle of mayonnaise.
"Dad...?" Bart said sleepily with a yawn.
"Son... come here and let me lick you!" Bart yelped as Homer grabbed him and attempted to swallow him whole!
Bart cried and wriggled about as Homer tried to swallow him head first.
"Homer J Simpson! You'll eat our son, but you won't eat my stuffed peppers!" Marge told Homer off. Homer had Bart's feet sticking out of his mouth.
"Mmmmmmmm... stuffed peppers..." said Hugo. "I especially like them very mouldy and mixed with garbage..."
"Eeeeeew! Hugo..." Lisa groaned.
"Right now everyone on the internet is saying this is Vore and are getting aroused..." said Bart.
Marge groaned.
"Eeeeeeew!" said everyone except Oscar.
"Coooool! Vore!" said Oscar.
Homer took Bart out of his mouth. He was dripping with saliva. Eeeeew!
"Eeeeeeugh!" Bart groaned trying to wipe off some of the saliva.
Suddenly the cat was in Homer's stomach stretching his skin and meowing.
"Oh no! Homer did you eat the cat?!" Marge gasped.
"No it's just gas..." said Homer. He grabbed a frying pan and hit the cat with it to silence her.
"No dad! You're hurting Snowball!" Bart cried.
Homer continued hitting Snowball II.
"Dad nooooo!" Lisa cried tearfully.
"Oh here come the waterworks..." Homer sighed. "It's just a Halloween episode... Kitty will be fine next episode...
Lisa cried.
The next day the space booger meteorite brought something else.
Bart was reading a Radioactive Man comic when a psychic force picked up a lamp. Basically the lamp was floating.
"Oz..." He winced.
Oscar mumbled and looked round at the floating lamp. "Ay caramba! I swear that's not me using my telekinesis this time! Honestly!"
"Then who?" Bart asked.
Ness fired a beam of psychic energy at the lamp destroying it.
"Okay..." said Bart.
Oscar picked up a baseball bat and went outside.
There was a New Age Retro Hippy.
"Make love, not war man..." He said while high. He then got out a ruler. Now he can measure the length of things!
"Oz stop referencing Earthbound..." Bart groaned.
"Never!" Oscar yelled.
Bart sighed.
"Also Nintendo is suing you because The Kindness of Strangers from A Streetcar Named Marge sounds like Being Friends from Earthbound Zero/Beginnings." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
...
Homer then went to the beach. There were teenagers partying around a fire.
"Mmmmmm! Teenagers... (gargles and drools)" Homer moaned aroused. Homer that's disgusting stop that!
"Homer I swear if you don't stop! I have FBI on speed dial!" Oscar snapped.
"No. I'm not eating anymore tonight..." said Homer.
"Barbecue sauce fight!" said a girl as the teenagers sprayed barbecue sauce at each other. This made the very fat Homer hungry.
Then Squeaky Voiced Teen fell into he fire!
"Aghhhhh! It burns! The fire is sealing in my juices!" said Squeaky Voiced Teen on fire.
"Don't worry! I'll savour you!" said Homer. He picked up Squeaky Voiced Teen and took a bite out of him!
Everyone screamed at Homer's cannibalism and ran in terror. Jason Vorhees appeared, wondered why everyone was panicking and shrugged with a grunt and went off somewhere.
"Mmmmm! Extra virgin..." said Homer. Right that's it! One more pedophilia gag and you're joining Jared Fogle Wiggum from last year's Halloween in jail!
"Guys please! This is just a witch's curse!" Jared Wiggum cried from his cell.
Springfield town had a zombie plague for some reason.
"PK blast!" Oscar yelled unleashing a psychic blast upon the zombies.
Ness grimaced.
...
The next day Homer was gigantic and even fatter! He came upon an Oktoberfest festival. "Mmmmmm! Beer battered Germans..." said Homer before eating the Germans. He even ate Uter. Because of course Uter would be there.
Uter cried as he was eaten.
"What did we Germans do to deserve this?!" The Germans ask. "Oh..." They get dissolved by Homer's stomach acid.
"Must eat fat people! Thank god I'm in America!" said Homer.
The song I like big butts and I can not lie played as Blob Homer ate fat people and became more slimy and blob like.
He ate fat cops, fat people at a gym and fat people in a Hawaiian shirt store along with Quiffy who was in there for some reason. Oh yeah buying cringeworthy Hawaiian shirts...
"I used to think these were just for fat slobs or gay men!" said Homer putting one on.
"Enough of your Hawaiian shirt stereotypes! Party animals can wear them too!" Quiffy yelled before dissolving in Homer's stomach acid.
...
That evening the rest of the Simpsons watched the news.
A giant green blob Homer was terrorising the town and being shot at by the police.
"Tonight a ravenous blob attacks Springfield while we are also being ravaged by 90 foot Lenny!" said Kent. A giant Lenny was leaning on a building.
"Eh... I'm not in the mood for stomping about like Godzilla..." said Lenny.
"I still like you Lenny!" said Carl.
"Thanks tiny Carl!" said Giant Lenny.
Homer grabbed a bus and ripped the roof off. He picked the people out like candies and ate them.
"Why hi diddly ho bloberino!" Ned greeted him. Homer bit Ned's head off and threw away the rest of him.
"Homer..." said Dr Phil cross with him.
"Dr Phil!" Homer gasped.
"Homer, you have an eating problem. You're eating your neighbours and friends right now!" said Dr Phil. "And I'm here to help you."
"Okay I'll stop eating bread between meals..." said Homer.
"Homer don't sell me an outhouse and tell me its the Taj Mahal! I'm serious! Stop eating people while I'm talking to you!" said Dr Phil.
"Sorry." said Homer eating Comicbook Guy.
"Homer your family is here to speak to you." said Dr Phil.
"Hey sweetie. All this eating is turning me on..." said Blob Homer to Marge.
"Hmmmmm! I don't think I can love a giant disgusting slime blob..." said Marge.
"I can!" said Oscar. "Mmmmmmm! Oh yeah that's some good slime..." he moaned aroused.
"Oscar stop getting aroused by blob monsters! That's my dad!" Bart yelled.
"Homer I'm serious! You're thinking about eating me right now aren't you?" said Dr Phil.
Homer imagined him has a box of chocolate malt balls.
"Aren't you...?" De a Phil as a talking box of chocolate malt balls asked.
"Yes giant talking box of chocolate malt balls..." Homer sighed.
"Engulf Bart in your slime! That would be really hot... Mmmmmm!" Oscar interjected.
"Dad eat Oscar so he'll shut up and stop being perverted about slime blobs..." Bart asked.
"No. I won't eat anymore people!" said Homer.
"Dad you're eating Dr Phil right now!" said Bart.
"Nnnnngh! People are not food!" Dr Phil grunted stuck in Homer's blob goo before dissolving from stomach acid.
"There must be something I can do that's useful!" Homer begged.
...
Mayor West and Vice Mayor Quimby opened a shelter for the homeless and invited them inside.
"Plenty of warm beds, hot food and er homeless women!" said Quimby.
A hobo with a dog was wary of the shelter and asked his dog to check it out. The dog sniffed the door and yelped before running away.
"Get in there!" Quimby and Wiggum grabbed the hobo and threw him in the shelter. He screamed horribly as Blob Homer was inside and was eating him.
"Well at least we're inside now..." said a hobo.
The end!
Plot 3
You Gotta Know When to Golem!
The title is written in Jewish letters with Jewish music playing!
There is a live Krusty the clown show just finishing.
"And now an important announcement kids! Krusty will now be in HD! I will now show you what I look like in this HD camera!"
The kids saw he was hideous with bloodshot eyes and wrinkles. They screamed.
"Yeah that's what I really look like! Get a good look! Raaaaaawr!"
Oscar's face melted like Toht's in Raiders.
Soon the audience had to start going home as the show had finished.
"Are you coming Bart?" Milhouse asked.
"Nah... I've got to go backstage and complain about this Krusty alarm clock that sprays acid..." said Bart.
He sprayed acid in Milhouse's face.
"Ow! You already showed me this morning!" Milhouse screamed as the acid burnt his face.
"Enough of the face melting..." Wendell groaned. Wendell is the pale sick kid.
Bart went back stage.
"Hmmmm... storage room..." said Bart. He went in the storage room and looked at all the props.
"Wow! The clown car all those clowns drowned in!" said Bart looking at a waterlogged car. Then he bumped into something and turned route find... giant clay man. Bart screamed.
"Hey! This isn't a museum!" said Krusty annoyed at him for trespassing. "That is a museum." He pointed to a door labelled Krusty's Museum. "Forty dollars a ticket."
"K-k-Krusty, W-w-what is t-that m-m-monster?!" Bart shivered with fear asking about the giant clay man.
"Oh that is the legendary Golem of Prague!" Krusty explained. "Protector of the Jewish people!" Krusty paused. "Except between the years 1935 and 1950 where for some reason he went missing..."
Bart rolled his eyes and listened to Krusty's story.
"Back in sixteenth century Poland a rabbi created a man out of clay. The bought him to life by feeding him a piece of paper to do his bidding." said Krusty as a story was set. A group of angry villagers with pitchforks and torches were outside a synagogue. Inside a rabbi made a golem. He then brought the golem to life as Krusty said. By giving him instructions.
The golem came to life. Then the golem shot the rioting villagers with a shotgun.
"And now he belongs to me..." said Krusty. He set the scene of him telling jokes on stage.
The audience jeered and heckled him.
Krusty called on the golem and it shot the audience dead with a shotgun.
Bart pondered an idea. "Come to my room at midnight..." said Bart as he wrote a note and fed it to the golem.
"Now I have to prepare for my Desperate Houseflies sketch!" said Krusty wearing a fly head mask. "Oooooh! What an attractive garbage man!" Then he chuckled sadly, embarrassed at how bad his sketch was. "I'm gonna need a whole shoe box of coke to get through this..." he sighed.
...
Very late at night. Bart was in bed checking his clock. It approached midnight. Bart waited for the golem. Suddenly heard stumbling and groaning. However to his disappointment Homer drunkenly stumbled into his room.
"I just. I just wanna (Stumbles) I just wanna say Bart. This might be upsetting but I had too much to drink tonight and fell on and squashed your turtle... Hope you're not mad... Urrrrghhh..."
"Leonardo?! Noooooo!" Bart cried. He started crying.
"Oh for Pete's sake! It's Halloween! All the fuzzy, smelly pets will be alive again once Halloween is over..." said Homer. "Anyway I'm off to bed. Oh hi Milhouse..." Homer mistook the golem for Milhouse.
The golem stomped into Bart's room and silently awaited further instructions standing completely still.
Bart gasped. Krusty was right, the golem was real!
Bart examined the golem. The rabbi that made him had a weird taste in hair styles as Bart smirked at the golem's haircut.
"Oh yeah. I suppose you can't do anything until I give you instructions." said Bart. He wrote a note and fed it to the golem.
The golem smashed a hole through Bart's bedroom wall and went off to break more walls.
"What the?!" Homer gasped.
Bart got out of bed and ran off after the golem.
"What are you doing?!" Bart asked the golem.
The golem coughed up his note and showed it to him,
"Can't you read my writing?! I said kick Homer's balls not walls!" said Bart. He wrote the note out clearly in bold letters and fed the note to the golem. It kicked Homer in the crotch. He fell down clutching his groin in agony.
Bart laughed hysterically.
...
At school the bullies were picking on Bart.
"Give us your lunch money dork!" said Dolph.
"Uh no. In fact you are gonna give me your lunch money." Bart said to Jimbo, Dolph and Kerne.
"Oh who's gonna make us?! Your golem?" Jimbo taunted.
"No! Er... yes! My golem!" Bart replied. He wrote a note and fed it to the golem. The golem pulled off the bullies' heads and juggled them before putting them back on the wrong bodies and upside down. The bullies dropped down dead.
"Cooool! Finally a friend who will obey me and follow my orders without question!" said Bart.
A bald Milhouse appeared.
"I shaved my head for you Bart, just like you asked." said Milhouse.
"Get bent..." Bart ordered him to leave him alone.
"Yes master..." said bald Milhouse.
...
Bart was at home reading a newspaper about his antics with the golem killing the bullies. For some reason the golem was giving him a wet shave...
"Because why not?!" Bart smirked.
Because you have no facial hair yet...
"Bart... did your Jewish monster hospitalise those bullies?" Lisa asked. Um they were decapitated Lisa. They can't come back from that...
"Here we go again... It's always the Jews fault..." said Bart.
"Bart, being a democracy loving liberal doesn't suit you so stop." said Lisa. "Anyway, I think your monster doesn't like hurting people! And I can prove it!"
Lisa took Bart's notepad and write Speak clearly in big letters. She then fed the note to the golem.
The golem roared. The coughed and spluttered before talking.
"Finally I can talk! Wait this is my voice? Sounds like I should be selling egg creams on Brighton beach!" said the golem.
Bart and Lisa didn't get his humour.
"It's Jewish humour. It's funny because the words are funny! Like Meshuggah! Eh?" said the golem, Bart and Lisa were speechless. "Oh vay... tough crowd..."
"Do you feel bad about hurting people?" Lisa asked.
"All the time! In fact my stomach right now sounds like it's holding the Cabah Bar, and Norm Crosby is going long!" said the golem. He threw up the other notes. "Kill the tsar? Now that's an old one!"
...
Bart was watching cartoons in the lounge.
"Hey boy, where's your mud buddy? I have a little task for him! Mwuhahahaha!" Homer had a note that read "Kill Ned Flanders."
"Dad Mudboy isn't mine, he's Peter's. And he's over by the magazine rack giving Peter an atomic wedgie." said Bart.
Mudboy was laughing his crazy laugh and giving Peter Shepherd an atomic wedgie.
Homer rolled his eyes. "No... I meant your golem..."
"Oooooh... He was driving me nuts so I sent him on an errand..." said Bart,
The golem had turned Skinner into a human yo-yo and was yanking him up and down like a yo-yo.
"Skinner! Let him kill you already!" said Chalmers.
"This is the man I've been telling you about." Skinner said to the golem. The golem spun him around until the rope around his waist tore him in half.
"Awww... I never got to do that for Bart with my giant robot ants..." Hugo sighed.
"Skinner! I wish we got to know each other! Willie bury him." said Chalmers.
"You'll make better mulch than ye did a man..." said Willie.
"I may be bifurcated but I still have feelings!" said Skinner.
...
At dinner the golem was whining about how guilty he felt.
"I killed and maimed thirty seven people! I told telemarketer I would be somewhere but didn't turn up! I'm a terrible person!" The golem cried.
"For a monster he's rather neurotic..." said Lisa.
"He's like Frankenstein's monster except he feels guilty about what he did instead of constantly blaming his dad/creator for abandoning him!" said Oscar.
"Oscar that's the point of the story. Frankenstein is the real monster for creating an undead monster then whining when it stomped on a few buildings and accidentally drowned a little boy. Instead of being an actual father to the monster..." said Lisa.
"Well you don't hear Quiffy complaining about me..." said Oscar.
"You drew me eleventy billion times in a diaper, being sniffed by Teddy, being slimed by slime monsters, pooping my diaper..." Quiffy ranted.
Oscar sighed.
"I say the good way to heal a man's heart is a good relationship." said Marge.
"Yeah sure Marge... A woman will make him real.. happy..." Homer snarked.
Marge grumbled and wrote a note and fed it to the golem.
The golem grabbed Homer by his ear.
"Ow! Ow! Make it stop!" Homer cried.
"Dad you have to write a note asking him to stop." said Lisa.
"Writing is for nerds and squares! Ow! Ow! Agh!" Homer replied. Then he cried in pain from having his ear pulled.
...
Bart and Lisa were outside leading the golem to the backyard.
"A surprise for me? How wonderful! I hope it's a theatre! We eat some Schnessuggah, watch Fiddler on the roof... it's all good..." said the golem.
"Will you shut up?!" Bart yelled.
The Golem was shocked but delighted to see Homer and Marge building a lady golem out of play doh.
"Oh my! She's beautiful! Is she for me?" asked the golem. "Wow Hanukkah came early for me! Which it sometimes does..."
Marge smiles and nodded as she finished making a medallion out of play doh with a star on it as a Star of David medallion and put it on the golem lady.
"This tool is awesome! You can make spaghetti out of it or hair! Hehehehe!" Homer laughed as he was having way too much fun with the play doh and a shape carver to make different shapes and types of play doh pasta...
Everyone sighed at his silliness.
"Mom would you like to do the honours?" Lisa asked giving her the note pad and pen.
"I'd love to dear!" said Marge. She wrote the word "Live" on a piece of paper and fed it to the lady golem.
The lady golem eventually came to life in a beautiful subtle manner but then butchered any subtlety and poetry of the scene when she spoke in a horrible voice...
"Hello! Ha (snort) Ha (snort) Ha!" The golem had the awful voice of the she demon Fran Drescher! Agggggghhhhh!
The Simpsons screamed in horror.
"Agggggghhhhhh! Fran Drescher!"
"Kill it! Kill it!" Oscar screamed while swinging a razor sharp axe about.
"No! I love this women!" the golem grabbed him by the scruff of his sweater to stop him.
"Don't worry! I have your back little buddy!" said Peter Griffin arriving with a flaming torch and a pitch fork.
"No! What is your problem with Fran Drescher?!" Bart asked. The lady golem was laughing. "Okay her voice is rather obnoxious..."
"Wow! Look at this outfit! It's like a lion ate a pallet and then threw up over it! Naha-ah Ha ha!" The Fran Drescher continued to laugh her painfully ear splitting laugh.
"Right back to the drawing board..." said Homer grabbing Oscar's axe to kill the lady golem.
"No! I love this woman!" said the golem.
"Okay it's your funeral pal..." Homer sighed.
...
The golems had a Jewish wedding at the synagogue.
"I now pronounce you golem and golem! Oh vey! You may kiss the bride and step on the glass as is tradition.
The golem stepped on the wine glass to complete the ceremony.
Suddenly Wiggum bursted in pointing his gun at the happy couple.
"Freeze! You're wanted for the murder of Seymour Skinner!" said Wiggum.
"Oh Wiggum, put that gun away and join us. We have a table of latkes..." said the annoying lady golem while laughing.
"What's latkes?" Wiggum asked.
"Oh they're wonderful! They're deep fried-" said the lady golem.
"Say no more! I've dropped the charges!" said Wiggum heading for the buffet table.
The cartoon ended with a Star of David shaped iris out.
The end!
Plot 4
The Day The Earth Stood Stupid
The story begins with someone singing the title like the Simpsons theme tune choir. "The Day The Earth Stood Stupid..."
Then there was a 1930's depression era title sequence.
The chalkboard gag is "The Japanese are not invading..." Depression era Bart leaves when he hears the school bell ring and skateboards home.
The rest of the Simpsons do their usual thing but adapted for the 1930s. For example Homer now works at a coal mine because nuclear power hasn't been invented yet. Lisa is playing her saxophone in a segregated class of only white children. She is dismissed and runs out carrying a sign reading "End Segregation!"
Marge is taking Maggie shopping. But back then they didn't have infra Red price scanners so the shopkeeper does everything manually.
"And one baby... that'll be $120 dollars altogether." said the shopkeeper adding Maggie to Marge's groceries. Marge sighed.
Bart skateboards home as Homer annoyed at something in his shirt throws out a lump of coal. It lands and breaks into pieces.
Bart skateboards past depression era townsfolk of Springfield.
Then Maggie appears to be driving Marge's car but actually she's just playing with a toy steering wheel. Marge is driving. They both toot their horns.
Lisa takes he bike home and everyone arrives at a depression era Simpsons house and goes inside. Homer nearly gets ran over and screams and runs inside.
There is a 1930s couch gag.
...
The story opens good and proper with a Motown singer singing.
We pan down to Lenny and Carl in line at the dole office.
"I don't like this era! It's so miserable and depressing!" said Carl.
"I like the sepia over tone. It makes me feel nostalgic." said Lenny.
"Well this is because of what I fought for in World War One you ungrateful kids!" said Abe.
"Why do you call it World War One?" Lenny asked.
"You'll see..." said Abe.
Meanwhile Marge and Homer were dancing to old timey music in their living room as the wireless played waltz music.
"Ah... this is so romantic... the kids are at school..., Maggie's asleep in her crib... Hugo's locked up in the attic..." said Homer as they danced. Lol Hugo gag!
Hugo was chained up in the attic glaring at the fourth wall.
Suddenly there was an announcement on the wireless.
"We interrupt this romantic song for an important announcement!" said a voice on the radio.
"Hey! I was dancing with my wife! This better be important!" said Homer.
Suddenly the voice of Orson Welles was explaining that giant metal cylinders had landed in Springfield.
"Cylinders?!" Marge gasped.
"From one of the cylinders emerges a tentacle." said Orson.
"Agh! Aliens!" Homer screamed.
"Visitors from Earth's neighbour." said Orson.
"Ned Flanders?!" Homer asked.
"Mars." said Orson.
"So it's a war of the worlds..." Homer went to the window. "Well we have the sun on our side..." said Homer. The sun went behind the clouds. "You hide you coward!" Homer yelled.
The announcement continued to frighten people.
"Oh god! The Martians have some sort of heat ray!" said Orson.
"It's the Irish! I told you they're after the Irish!" Moe ranted.
"Hey! I'm half Irish!" Barney yelled. Moe clobbered him with a wooden bat. "Or was I polish..."
At school Orson announces that people are being vaporised by the heat rays and made a sound effect.
The kids screamed.
"Calm down children. Everyone take a cigarette..." um there were no anti-smoking laws to stop children smoking back then...
At a radio studio. A strangely gorgeous Orson Welles was reading from a script into a microphone.
"The devastation is horrible! They're grinding up the bodies!" said Orson. A man is whisking something. "Now they're riding horses in the rain!" The sound effects guy pours water from a watering can and clops coconut halves as a horse galloping.
"Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport!" Orson suggested a stupid scenario the sound effects guy couldn't hope to replicate.
He held up a sign reading "Screw you!" And stormed out.
"And now back to your music listeners." said Orson.
A band started playing.
"Good show Mr Welles!" said a nerd.
"Yeah you really showed with your phone Martian invasion eh Brain? Narf!" said Pinky the mouse resting on Orson's shoulder.
"Yes Pinky. I think once the town finds out about our saucy little prank they'll see the funny side and laugh heartedly." said Orson.
We cut to everyone panicking and rioting.
"It's the end! Repent! Repent!" Abe yells.
Back at the radio station.
"But now Pinky it's time I got back to what I usually do every night. Try to take over the world!"
"They're Pinky, the Pinky And the Brain! Brain! Brain! Brain! Brain! Brain!" sung the theme tune.
"Oz..." Bart sighed.
In Orson's office.
"Yes Pinky, with my gorgeous good looks and my baritone voice, nothing can stop me from taking over the world! And harvesting it of all its Rosebud frozen peas and Mrs Petal's fish sticks!"
"Except a stint as Unicron from Transformers! Narf!" Pinky said with a giggle.
"Quiet you blundering fool!" Orson told him off.
"Mr Welles get ready, you have a fishstick commercial to narrate." said the director.
Orson Welles sighed.
...
The people were still rioting.
"Everyone panic!" Homer yelled.
"Wait Homer! We haven't even seen the aliens attack yet!" said Lenny.
"That's alien talk!" Homer shoots Lenny.
"Zoot suit Stu has to vamoose!" said Disco Stu in a Mask style zoot suit twirling a pocket watch. Homer shot him.
"Dad! Why did you shoot Stu?" Bart asked cross with him.
"Because he was acting like that stupid perverted wolf from those Droopy dog cartoons!" said Homer.
Screwy squirrel gulped and tugged his neck fur like a shirt collar.
"Also his outfit looked gay..." said Homer.
Everyone continued rioting.
"Wait! Wait!" Marge got everyone to stop for a second. "The Martians are only zapping humans. Maybe if we pretend to be animals they'll leave us alone!"
"The tall haired woman is right! Remove your robes and let's roll about in the filth like swine!" said Sideshow Mel.
Everyone got naked, Drunk Apu's dream, and rolled about in the mud naked while making animal noises.
"Get naked! Hic! Everyone get naked..." said Apu stumbling about drunk.
Elsewhere there were lawyers and subpoenas and goblins!
"Mr Welles..." A director groaned.
Fine no goblins...
...
Sometime later Lisa who was still fully dressed and not making a fool of herself arrived and found the townsfolk rolling about in the mud naked.
"What are you all doing?" Lisa asked.
"Pretending to be animals so the Martians don't vaporise us." said Bart naked and heavily coated in mud. He looks adorable muddy and naked...
"Oz that sounds so wrong..." said Bart.
Oscar moaned aroused. Oz seriously!
"You guys do realise that was just an Orson Welles narration of the war of the worlds... a fictional story..." said Lisa. "You all fell for Orson's prank..."
Everyone looked around embarrassed and got dressed.
"Well I'm glad of what I achieved during our brief moment of madness!" said Homer holding Sea Captain's head. "It was kill him or kill no one!"
Lisa winced at him.
"Well I can get back to protesting for civil rights for black people!" Lisa protested with a placard sign.
Homer scoffed. "Here we go again..."
On a bus. "Ms Parks get up!" Wiggum scolded Rosa Parks.
"Never! I'll sit where I want!" said Rosa Parks.
...
Meanwhile...
"Mwuhahahaha! Now is the right time to invade! The stupid humans will think it's another prank! Mwuhahahaha!" said Kang.
Kodos pulled a lever that made the sign on the old fashioned UFO read from Peaceful observation to Invasion! The UFO flew to Earth and started zapping things.
"Dad! That flying saucer zapped that statue!" said Lisa.
"Lisa, that was just a radio show..." said Homer.
The UFO continued zapping things.
Moe got zapped and caught on fire. "Oh very funny Orson! I'm apparently burning! Ow this imaginary fire hurts!" He um melts...
"He's meltiiiiiiiing!" Oscar screamed.
Orson Welles tried to alert the cops.
"You've got to listen to me! This time this is not a prank! You've got to believe me! We're being attacked!" said Orson Welles.
"Yeah how about I just punch you on the nose, bud?" Wiggum warns him.
"Nose bud... No that doesn't sound right..." said Orson Welles.
"Yeah didn't you learn anything from the story of Timmy O'toole?" Lou asked.
"That little Bart Simpson pranked you all by saying he was a boy named Timmy trapped down the town well and then he fell down the well himself and no one believed him?" Orson asked. "Well yes, I can see the point you're making. But I'm sorry for my cruel prank! You've got to call the armed forces and ask for help!"
"Oh sure." said Wiggum. He rang up the armed forces.
"Yes?" A general asked.
"We're being invaded by a big shot, story telling radio host who won't leave us alone!" Wiggum put down the phone. "There. Check and mate."
"I see... But now you've doomed us all! You fools!" said Orson Welles.
Then Kang in a small UFO used his tentacles to suck out Wiggum's bones, organs and innards leaving a lifeless bag of skin and clothes to fall to the ground.
"Eeeeeeew!" said Lou.
...
The Earth was soon devastated by the aliens.
"Commander Kang report in!" said a Rigel VII alien.
"The humans continue to oppose us! It seems they don't like being vaporised or enslaved!" said Kang.
Something exploded.
"There goes Kodos..." Kang sighed as his sister was killed.
Amongst the devastation and chaos on Earth Klaatu the alien and his robot with the eye lasers arrived. Klaatu was horrified by the devastation caused by evil aliens. "Oh crap..." he said horrified.
He's making a cameo because of the film The Day the Earth Stood Still.
"Klaatu Barada Nikto!" Oscar chanted in a yell. Suddenly zombies raised from the dead!
"Oh great... aliens and zombies?!" Homer groaned.
"Why does my name raise the dead?!" Klaatu asked.
"Why is your name the password to Alien X's ship?!" Monkey Hero asked.
Oscar laughed.
"I'm pretty sure our Earthly microbes defeated the Martians..." said Hugo.
Osaka Flu clouds floated about.
"Quiet freak!" said Homer.
"Well um..." said Matt.
...
Kang and a fellow Rigel VII alien were in a ruined church.
"I don't get it! I have all the humans hearts and minds!" said Kang holding a heart and a brain.
"Did you get their courage! We need that to give to the cowardly lion!" said the Rigel VII alien.
"That was just stupid Vorlax! Go back to the ship and think about your stupid behaviour!" Kang told him off.
"Yes master..." said Vorlax. He slithered back to the ship.
The story ends with a pan over ruined Springfield and more Motown singing!
The end!
Epilogue
"I didn't like that ending..." said Bart upset. "In fact this year's Halloween was pretty miserable. Loads of people died... I lost my pet turtle..."
"And Snowball II..." Lisa sighed.
"Mom... Dad's trying to absorb me..." Hugo grunted as he was stuck up to his waist in blob Homer's slime and slowly sinking. Marge sighed and tried to pull him out of the goo.
Oscar got very aroused and had his hands down his pants again...
"Oscar stop touching yourself and do something useful like bring back our dead pets!" said Bart holding the squashed remains of his turtle.
"You mean like in Pet Semetery? Coooool! Let me just get the book of evil spells!" said Oscar running off.
"Bart I don't think we have time for another story..." said Lisa.
"Sure we do Lisa!" said Bart smirking Oscar in the background was casting magic from the spell book.
Suddenly all their dead pets sprung back to life and dug their way out of wherever they were disposed at as Zombies!
Ie Snowball the 1st dug her way out of her grave. Followed by numerous pet hamsters as zombies.
Then fish zombies and skeletons hopped out of the toilet.
Then the Simpsons gulped as Snowball II bursted out of Blob Homer as slime before reassembling herself from basic cells. Then Bart's turtle gruesomely reassembled itself as a zombie from its crushed remains.
The Simpsons gulped as the episode ended on a To be Continued...
The End!
