This chapter features sensitive subjects so please take this as a warning.

August 2018

"Stevie" Neil's voice registered in her head and she finally made eye contact with him. "Did you hear what I said?" he asked. Of course she had heard, she wasn't deaf. What was she supposed to say? How was she meant to react to hearing Declan being dead? "We found his body yesterday Stevie"

"What happened to him?" she asked

"Suicide, we had a phone call to a music disturbance from his neighbours"

"He always told me if I left him, he would kill himself, this is my fault"

"No Stevie" Smithy spoke "He was ill, he needed help"

"Then I should of been helping him, he is dead because of me"

"Stevie, he is dead because of his own actions" Neil attempted to reassure her "He chose to take his own life and we will never know what final piece pushed him over the edge but he has clearly been struggling for a long time"

"I should of supported him, he was crying out for help and I left him, I shouldn't of left him"

"I'll get you some water" Smithy spoke before leaving the room

"Smithy" she attempted to call but he carried on walking

"Stevie, this is not your fault. You had every right to put your happiness first and definitely your safety first. Take some personal time, let me know if I can do anything"

"Thank you" she smiled as he headed to the door "Neil" he turned to face her "How did he do?"

"Stevie"

"Please Neil, I need to know"

"He hung himself Stevie".


"Smithy" she entered the kitchen, he was leant against the kitchen side, he looked distressed. He glanced at her and offered a quick apology before making a glass of water and passing it to her. "I'm sorry, what I said. You know I would always put you above him, it was just a shock"

"I know" he responded pulling a chair out and gesturing for her to sit down before he rested down next to her. "Stevie, you know this isn't your fault, don't you?"

"If I hadn't reported him Smithy"

"God knows what you would be going through right now" he took her hand "Stevie I hate the man, but clearly he was in a lot of emotional pain, that you could not of helped him with, when he treated you the way he did"

"He must of felt so alone"

"Yes but there were people who he could turn too and I know for damn sure if he had turned up saying he was about to kill himself you would of got him the help he needed"

"He used to say if I left him, he would kill himself though"

"So what was the alternative?" he responded "You stay with him and live your life in fear of the next beating, the next rape. Stevie you did what you had to do"

"I'm sorry, I don't know how I am meant to feel"

"Stevie, he was a big part of your life, it's normal you feel sad, it's always sad when someone can't see any other way out, what ever he did"

"I just can't believe he is actually gone, I know how awful I must seem but part of me is relieved, it's all over"

"Stevie, that doesn't make you awful. He put you for absolute hell, if you are relieved he is gone, then that's fine, even if you are glad, that's fine but it's also okay to feel sad and to grieve, there is no right way for you to be feeling at the moment"

"I'm sorry Smithy"

"Don't be sorry Stevie. However you feel, it's justified" he kissed her forehead gently "And just remember, I'm always going to be here. If you need to talk, if you need to shout, if you need to scream, I'm always here. I love you Stevie".

"I love you too Smithy, so much" she moved into his arms and he held her tight "Thank you".


Stevie curled herself up on the sofa, she pulled a blanket round her as the tears began to run down her cheeks. She glanced at the clock, it was fast approaching 3am. Less than 48 hours ago, she was on top of the world, newly engaged to a man she adored with every part of her. She had just arrived home from an amazing weekend away, in the most romantic part of the world and she was wrapped up in the arms of the most loving and generous man she had ever met. Yet, here she was, crying alone, over a man she detested. Feeling the sofa move, her eyes opened and she wiped them. "Hey" she whispered, the light beaming in through the window alerted her to the time now being late morning, sleep had obviously found her at some point. "Sorry"

"Don't be sorry babe" he gently wiped her cheek as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks "It's hard to lose someone you have loved"

"But I don't love him Smithy and I don't know if I ever did but because of me, he is dead, I pushed him over the edge"

"No, you didn't. Stevie I can keep telling you the same thing, this isn't your fault, this is on him but I can't take the guilt you are feeling at the moment, I wish I could, but just know one thing, however you are feeling Stevie, it will never change the way I feel about you"

"Smithy, why are you being so nice to me? I'm responsible for a man's death"

"No, you are not responsible Stevie. When Louise died, I felt responsible, if I hadn't of been involved with her, she would still be alive but I came to realise, she chose to be with me too and her husband chose to have her murdered. Stevie, you chose to be involved with Declan but he chose to be with you too, just like he chose to end his life, this isn't your responsibility, he made that decision"

"Thank you Smithy"

"And Stevie" he kissed her lips "I'm nice to you, because I love you, more than I have ever felt it possible to love another person. I'm going to stick the kettle on". He kissed her forehead before he left the room.


The couple had been cuddled on the sofa for the day, they had watched crap on the TV. They had ordered a dominos and drank beer. She was still feeling down but she was feeling slightly more at ease. The door knocked and Smithy moved from behind her. She sat up on the sofa and smiled as he left the room. He returned a few moments later, followed by Mickey. "Hello Serge" he spoke as he placed a kiss to her cheek. Smithy mumbled about getting him a beer. "I hear congratulations are in order" he lifted her hand slightly and nodded to her ring "Smithy text Jo a photo of the proposal, looked amazing"

"It really was, he went all out Mickey"

"Pretty sure he always does when it comes to you". Smithy entered the room and passed a beer to Mickey "Just saying congrats Gov"

"Thanks Mickey"

"I have an update" he smiled as he rested down opposite the couple "On Declan"

"Mickey, I'm not sure now is the best time" Smithy spoke

"No" she took hold of his hand "I need to know Smithy"

"Okay" Mickey was looking to Smithy for the reassurance to continue, he nodded slightly. "We have searched Declan's home, he left a note Stevie. Did you know he was in debt?"

"No more than the average person" she replied

"Stevie, he owed over a hundred grand and not to the right people. He also admitted everything he put you through, he didn't blame you, not in the end, he apologised for what he did to you. He said he had witnessed a lot of abuse between his parents and had come to believe it was only way to keep the person he loved"

"I didn't know" she whispered

"I don't think anyone did, he says he wants you to be happy" he smiled between the couple "This is as close to closure you can get Serge, grab it and move forward"

"Can I see the note?"

"It's evidence at the moment but yeah, you will be able to" he smiled between the two "The forensic team have finished in his flat, if you want to go and get anything that was yours"

"I will think about it, but that's all who I was, not who I am" she kissed Smithy's lips

"I'll show myself out. I'll be waiting for my invite to the wedding of the year"

"Thanks Mickey" she smiled and they all said their goodbyes "It's really over Smithy".