Coloured leaves painted the trees, their five fingers stretching out against the wind. One of the tree's hands fell off its perch from the small branch to surf along the wind, making its way to Yuki's hair. Stuck. He reached up to the orange leaf, and let it drop to the floor. It was beautiful, but beautiful things don't stay the same in Yuki's life. Their beauty twists and darkens, he doesn't want to taint the leaf and rob it of its color.
He watched the trees rustle, and dance against the wind, breathing in the lovely autumn air. Trying to calm his rushing thoughts and anxieties, and push them to the back of his mind.
He had seen his friends at school just then.
They were walking home together in a small group, Yuki almost instinctively joined them before a sudden heaviness weighed his heart.
And he went the other way.
Not a hint of recognition sent his way.
They don't know me.
Yuki knew this. He knew when he saw them in class that day and they walked past him.
He knew when they looked at him, not a sliver of recognition on their faces.
He could barely hear what the teacher was saying as one of them passed him a pencil for an exam.
His heart stops when the pencil is in his hands, and the boy turns around without a word or glance.
He bit his lips, grip tightening on the pencil, writing down his answers on the test.
But his head feels like cotton and his face feels hot as his hand wobbles across the page.
He belatedly notices his breaths have become uneven, and the words look blurry as his eyes well up.
He hastily rubs his face with his sleeve so the teacher won't notice.
He is pretty certain he got a zero.
Standing in front of the autumn trees, away from his school, his friends, his mother, his home- Yuki feels more at ease than he has the whole week. He doesn't want to go home.
Akito is at home. It is dark, cold and lonely. He grips his backpack straps as he thinks this, biting his bottom lip once again. Everyone hates him. He doesn't want to go back.
The scene replays in his head, the boy passing Yuki the pencil for the test.
Yuki reached for it, catching his eyes, searching for recognition.
Desperately.
Don't you remember me? We played soccer last week! You invited me. You were on my team and passed the ball to me. We played in the garden a few days ago. We played tag. Please remember!
The days passed on.
Nobody remembered him.
He started to pick up his pace.
It's getting late…don't want Mom to…
…would she even worry?
No but she would probably yell at him and that was reason enough.
As he starts to make his way home, the wind picks up, blowing against his hair, along it a small red cap lands in front of him. Surprised, he curiously picks it up, and looks in the direction it came from for the owner. "Your hat-," his voice stops when he sees who it is.
A boy with pretty orange hair, the colour of autumn leaves, glaring at him with fury in his eyes.
"You can keep it," his expression seemed to say as he turned around without a word.
Hate coloring his eyes, as he ran into the arms of a man with a kind smile, who raised Kyo up to hug him.
Lowering the cap, a lump had formed in his throat, along with desperation. His legs felt like lead and wobbled slowly, mind whirling as he made it home.
Dark once again.
No one home.
The lump in his throat grew bigger, as it bursted its way in an anguished sound, as his fingers wrung into the cap. His knees folded unto the ground, as he released the build up of cotton and red that had built up in his face during the day.
It demanded to be released, and Yuki no longer had the strength to keep it in.
He felt numb when he heard the next day that Kyo's mother had died, and wished for her son to be born in the year of the rat. His eyes were empty, boring onto the walls as Akito told him how much everyone hated him. And that Kyo promised to kill him, then himself.
"Are you going to die, Yuki?" Akito smiled.
The darkness and emptiness grew wider in him.
"Well...are you?" Akito grinned wider before leaving, hand at the edge of the exit.
"You really are nothing without me, are you Yuki? My little rat," Akito finally stepped out and let him be, in the darkness of that room.
Being alone, without Akito and his mother or the maids was the only time Yuki felt safe.
Safe enough to walk across the room to pick up Kyo's hat, and look into the mirror putting it on.
It doesn't suit me.
Yuki was tentative as he placed it on his head, picking up a small mirror and adjusting it.
It still did not suit him.
I should be giving it back but…
The snowy day passed through his mind.
Hateful eyes yelled at him.
"You should just die!"
His fingers tightened against the mirror.
There was a tinge in his heart.
He raised on hand against the tip of the cap.
His fingers curled a bit.
I'm pretty sure…he wouldn't want it back.
His eyes bored into the mirror.
It really didn't suit him.
It looked silly. The color was wrong. He never wore caps.
Always formal clothing or the outfits picked by his maids or his mother.
It wasn't his. It was borrowed, stolen, given depending on who saw it yet somehow that bothered him even more.
Yet something about it felt freeing.
The world is dark. Everyone hates me.
I should just…
…disappear.
If I do that…then will I finally be helpful?
Something cleared in his mind then.
Something so simple that he wanted.
He didn't want that.
He didn't want to disappear .
He dropped the mirror.
It shattered against the floor, as he took the cap and ran out.
Sneaking out was easy, he ran away as far as he could.
He did not want to disappear, but he did not want to be there.
It would benefit them both.
He didn't want to be with the Sohmas, but he did not want to disappear either.
He would leave.
They didn't want him around anyway.
He didn't know how long he ran. Only until his lungs hurt, and legs burned did slow his pace when he saw a woman crying with some police officers to find her little girl.
So some mothers do care about their kids huh?
Yuki's heart reached out to the mother, she was in tears and pain as she cried for her daughter.
Yuki's thoughts went back to the scenery he had only been mildly paying attention to on his run.
I think I saw a girl by some stairs earlier.
He retraced his steps.
The girl was still there, a sobbing mess.
Poor girl, Yuki thought sympathetically, feeling sad for her.
Determined he made his way back.
I need to let that woman know!
He heard something behind him and under his cap his eyes went wide as he saw the crying girl running after him.
Oh no she is following me!
He cannot let her accidentally embrace him, like last time!
He heard something hit the floor and froze, scared that she hurt herself.
From the ground, she lifted her gaze, tears rushing down her face, as she looked to him desperately, with trust in her eyes.
Yuki felt something warm in his heart then, as he waited for her to stand up and follow him back.
She is relying on me…she needs me. I-I am helping her.
His face was flushed red from the run, but a warm feeling crept inside him too that he had never felt before. Something comfortable, it was beautiful.
It continued for a few more minutes, till they finally reached the apartment the woman had been standing outside of.
We are here.
A smile crept on his face as he caught his breath, lungs were on fire, but he still felt happy.
Without hesitation, his fingers reached for the cap and placed it on her head.
You are here.
Surprise etched on her features, as she caught a brief flash of his face, before the cap settled onto her head.
You made it.
Her mother's voice cried out from the top apartments.
"Tohru!"
The girl's eyes welled up in tears, and Yuki felt himself smile despite the pain in his lungs as he ran to the corner.
Poof!
The world whirled, and turned big, but he felt better than he had that whole year.
"Wait! Mama, I have to thank him!" Tohru said, wiping her tears.
"Thank-oh, where did he go?" she said anxiously, running a few steps in the direction he had been.
"Wait! I have to say thank you-," she stopped when she saw a tiny rat in a puddle of clothes the boy had been wearing.
Yuki felt his tiny eyes grow wide with panic.
Not again!
The girl stared at him.
Her brown eyes wide, as she kneeled down in front of the little rat in front of her.
Yuki couldn't even move paralyzed by fear and exhaustion, he watched her wide eyes as she looked at him curiously.
"A nezumi?" she said quietly. "The boy turned into a-."
"Tohru, don't run off anymore!" Her mother said in panic, running to her.
Tohru turned to her, and Yuki ran with the clothes panicky when he could as she did so.
"Mama, there was a boy who showed me to find you," Tohru said, hugging her mother back.
Her mother's eyes went wide.
"Where is he?"
"He is over there-oh he disappeared again," Tohru said, the puddle of clothes and rat gone.
"I didn't even get to say thank you," she said disappointedly.
"I'm sure he was happy you got home alright, maybe you will run into each other again, don't scare me like that anymore ok?" her mother said with an exhausted smile.
Tohru's smile went wide as she nodded. "I promise," she sweared, tears falling from the corner of her eyes. "Now why are you crying?" her mother laughed. "I was scared, I'm glad I'm home now," Tohru said, smiling and crying. "I missed you Mama."
I hope I see that boy again too, and say thank you.
[END OF PROLOGUE]
