Ezekiel and Pals in: Solving Racism!
Ezekiel took a deep breath, taking in the sweet Alberta air. It was his 7th week competing in Total Drama. He was so happy- He had made the final six alongside Izzy, Duncan, Katie, Sadie, DJ, and Bridgette. He walked out of the boy's cabin. Ezekiel had decided that every day he would wake up at 6:AM and take a morning walk. But to his chagrin, two other people were outside- Katie and Sadie. They were best friends. They had identical outfits- the same hair ties, the same shirt, the same shoes- the same singular braincell- the only noticeable difference between the two was their race. Usually they were completely in sync, but today, they were fighting.
"That's it Sadie! I'm so done with you! We are over!" shouted Katie.
"Katie, you stupid ******!" shouted Sadie at the top of her lungs.
Everyone else woke up and ran out of the cabins.
"Bro, Sadie, you can't say that!" bellowed DJ, the friendly and reasonable brickhouse with a heart of gold.
"I say that word all the time," said Duncan. Duncan was a classic delinquent, breaking rules and kneecaps alike.
Everyone else crowded around the ex-best friends. Both had their fists clenched, in a fighting stance. Katie swung at Sadie's jaw with the force of 18 Bulls on steroids. She sent sprawling to the grass.
"THAT'S what you get for calling me a slur!" shouted Katie. Sadie continued to writhe on the floor in pain.
"Ouch!" bellowed Sadie. Katie, using her animal whispering powers, summoned a pack of wolves from the forest. They surrounded Sadie, snarling and gnashing their teeth. They lunged at the girl in unison, sinking their fangs into her skin and ripping chunks of flesh out. They continued this rhythmic ritual, until Sadie was nothing more than a decimated husk. Dark red oozed from her opened wounds as she twitched and spasmed in the grass. Chris, the host of the reality show the teens were competing on, entered the scene.
"Well, I guess that's one less camper to deal with!"
Chris gathered all the campers to the docks, and shoved Sadie's dead body in the boat of losers- the transportation method when you get voted out.
The boat slowly trucked away. Sadie's body ended up toppling overboard. With a mighty splash Sadie's corpse landed in the water, which quickly turned crimson color. Ezekiel felt a deep burning inside of him. Racism is totally not okay!
"You know what? Screw this reality show, eh? Let's take down the CEO of Racism and CO!"
"Yeah!" Shouted the rest of the campers in unison. (Besides Duncan and Heather of course. They were avid Racism enjoyers.)
"What? You can't do that! I've got a show to run!" Shouted Chris.
"That's too bad!" screamed Izzy, the Loonie girl. Using her superior strength, she tossed Chris into the lake.
Chris began to flail his arms in the water. "I can't swim!" He gurgled, before eventually succumbing to the harsh waves and sinking completely.
Izzy jumped into the lake, swimming to Chris's location. She courageously swam down to the murky green depths of the Wawanawka lake, searching for Chris. She swam at speeds like no other, and after 20 seconds she returned with the middle-aged host in her arms. But instead of bringing him to safety, she stole the keys to the boat from his pocket.
"Okay- bye now!" She threw the now useless Chris back into the lake, letting him drown again. Izzy, again, swam to the boat that must've been chugging at a speed of 5 MPH. She almost instantly caught up to it. She used her herculean strength and lifted the boat out of the water and above her head. The 8 other campers watched in awe as Izzy swam back to shore carrying the boat on her back.
"Alright everyone! Get it in!"
Slowly and still in shock, the campers entered the boat. Izzy, again, took the wheel. Unfortunately, despite being the most fit for the job with her multifaceted jack-of-all-trades skill set, she still sucked at driving boats. She swerved like a drunk sailor in the middle of a thunderstorm, turning the campers seasick. Luckily the group made it eventually. Even if they had lost Bridgette, the calm surfer chick. Ironically, she died after she was flung overboard like a ragdoll, cracking her head against a loose rock. She sunk to the bottom without anyone noticing- forever a background character. The remaining eight hopped off the boat- a few blocks away lied a conspicuous and menacing dark tower.
"There it is. The lair of RACISM!" exclaimed Duncan, who was well versed in Racism and its history. However, getting to the Racism tower would be no easy feat- a hoard of people suddenly spewed out of the tower, all with various weapons.
"How did the CEO know?!" screamed Ezekiel. Duncan nonchalantly pulled out a duffel bag, plopping it on the ground.
"What's that?" Asked DJ.
"It's my personal arsenal of weapons. You never know when you'll need to invoke second!" Duncan pulled out a machine gun, placing it on the ground and firing (at the racist henchman and civilians alike.)
"Oh my god, Duncan, you just shot a bus full of school children!" Screamed DJ. Duncan continued to fire.
"What? I can't hear you over all this gunfire!" He chuckled and continued to mow down the (mainly innocent) people. Zeke gingerly searched through Duncan's bag for a useful weapon- he ended up with a grenade. He had seen them in films before but had obviously never held one in real life. He pulled the little pin out and threw it at the crowd. Unfortunately, a German small child ended up with the grenade.
"No, little German boy! Throw that Grenade away!" Screamed Ezekiel.
"What is this?" asked the little German boy before blowing up.
"Oh my god!" Screamed DJ. "That's it! I can't deal with this anymore!" DJ tried to run, but he ended up in Duncan's gunfire. It didn't take long for his back to become riddled with holes. Katie, who was frozen at first, decided to grab a knife and run into battle. Ezekiel decided to follow. The two stabbed as many racists as possible, until they ran into a problem- Cody, an ex-contestant on the show and now apparently the second in command racist.
"Oh my god, Cody?" screamed Zeke.
"Yeah. It's me. Cody! In the flesh. You stupid-" said Cody, who I had to cut off because I wouldn't feel comfortable writing down the words he said.
Unfortunately, even under the guidance of racism, Cody was still a weak little twig. Izzy easily round house kicked him, sending the scrawny lad flying into a deep dark hole where he would later die of malnutrition.
After this all the enemies (and civilians alike) were dead on the streets. Ahead of the four lied the lair of the man himself- the Racism CEO. The four teenagers entered the building- not before passing through security of course! Everyone put their metallic devices in the grey bins and walked through the detector, one after the other. All were safe, besides Duncan who had 17 different piercings in 19 different areas.
"I'm afraid we can't let you in," explained the Security man to Duncan.
"That's okay. I understand that my piercings should've been removed beforehand, and I should've known bringing my arsenal of weapons would be strictly prohibited. Next time, I'll make sure to be more aware and follow these rules to a T. Thank you, kind sir!" Said Duncan as he was apprehended by the Racism Security Staff for possession of weapons.
"Aw, man. I guess we'll have to go on without him!" Said Katie. Nobody was particularly saddened by this loss.
After passing security, the reached the office of Mr. Racism himself. The Trio barged in, and Ezekiel made sure to kick the door down like they do in western movies.
"Well, Well, Well, if it isn't the CEO of Racism in the flesh!" Shouted Katie. The man slowly turned around in his swivel chair. His face was conveniently obscured by shadows.
"I guess you found me," he said, with an easy tone.
"Yeah. It wasn't much of a challenge honestly," said Izzy.
"Well, you really think you can beat racism? Racism has been an issue for years, and there's nothing you can truly do to end it- it'll always come back and back." The CEO leaned in. "And you'll never get rid of me.
Ezekiel grabbed The CEO by his hair, slamming his head into the wooden racism themed desk.
"That's for inventing racism!" Shouted Zeke.
Katie ran up to the bruised CEO and slammed him down again. A tooth flew out and he groaned in pain.
"That's for making my friend racist!" screamed Katie.
Finally, Izzy lifted his head up for the final blow.
"And that's for-" but before she could finish, the CEO lifted his head up. The shadows disappeared reveling the true CEO of racism…
"Adam Sandler?!" Screamed all the teens in unison.
"That's right. Famous Comedian and Hollywood actor, Adam Sandler, was behind the idea of racism the whole time!" Adam Sandler Cackled wickedly.
"I can't believe it! You were my hero!" Bellowed Ezekiel, who fell to his knees in sorrow.
"Hah! You'll never stop me now!" Adam Sandler screamed.
"Can you explain how you did everything?" asked Ezekiel, who winked at Izzy. She was was crawling up behind Adam, holding a sandwich.
"Oh, well it all started in 1852, where I was born in Bangladesh. My Mother was a-"
"Excuse me, Adam?" Izzy asked.
"Yes?" Replied Adam.
"I made you a sandwich!" Izzy proclaimed.
"Ooh! Lettuce, Tomato, Cheese, and… your fist?"
"Yeah. It's a KNUCKLE SANDWICH, ADAM SANDLER!" Izzy's fists rocketed out of the sandwich and into Adam Sandler's jaw. He fell to the ground, dead.
"Hah! Take that, CEO of Racism!" Izzy screamed. And just like that, the world was freed of racism! All the racists of the earth were vanished in an instant, and the planet was returned to its glorious state of peace and harmony it knew a long, long, time ago. All because, of Ezekiel and Pals!
