A/N:

Howdy all, I have CM and Spencer Reid Brainrot. Enjoy. As always, I am slow to update lol.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. As the author, I do not always agree with the actions the characters take. The MC has PTSD and OCD. The depictions of such in the story may not be entirely accurate and I do not claim it to be so. The depictions of anxiety and OCD are based on my own personal experience and do not apply to the illnesses as a whole. As always there is a violence and gore warning. There will be mentions of various sensitive topics which are updated in the tags, read at your own risk.

Summary:

Kate finds herself overwhelmed with her new employment and her new neighbor isn't helping matters.


I Followed You in and I Was with You There

Ptolomea: The ninth circle of Hell where Satan himself resides with the worst of sinners – those who betray their friends or guests. Their acts are so heinous that upon committing them, their souls are thrust from their bodies and into Hell, where they are frozen for all eternity according to their sin. On Earth, their physical bodies are filled with demonic entities who continue to do unspeakable things while their human souls suffer in Hell.


Smooth piano music floated through the dining room from the exquisitely crafted grand piano. Dinner-goers' chatter filtered through the sound of the music with a low hum and the clink of fine China, crystal, and tableware accompanying it.

It was fairly easy for Richmond's sitting DA to get a table at such a highly particular restaurant as this, but it didn't come without a price. Arthur Karroway watched with trepidation as BAU Section Chief Erin Strauss made her way across the opulent dining room, her blonde hair freshly styled in a way that made him think of disgruntled soccer moms. From his wife, Gwyneth's, amused expression she thought so too.

Arthur and Gwyneth did not care for Erin Strauss, but her ex-husband David was all right enough in their book. While David and Erin were still married, Erin had implored the Karroways for a campaign donation, and since they had liked David's platform at the time, they had given the Strauss campaign a very sizable donation.

Since then, David had gone on to run for governor and win several terms with even a good chance at winning a seat in Congress once. All thanks to the Karroway's support. When Erin and David split, she never stopped asking for those "little" donations to his campaign fund whenever voting season rolled around.

Now, it was time for repayment.

"Well," Erin said brightly as she sat down across from the Karroways. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Arthur sat back in his seat, swirling his merlot in his glass with a knowing smile. "Our daughter, Kate."

Erin's breezy demeanor froze, her pleasant mask hardening into one of ice. Her hands folded on the table in front of her as though she were back at her office in Quantico, preparing to lay into an agent for some minor infraction.

"I should have known," Erin said cooly.

"You should have," Gwyneth interjected, sipping at her gin and tonic. "All the support we've shown your family over the years. I think it's only fair that we negotiate a little favor for our daughter."

"Kathleen has been traumatized enough by her experience in law enforcement, don't you agree?" Erin pressed, looking carefully between her dinner partners.

Gwyneth smiled and flagged the waiter who came to take the table's orders before she or Arthur answered Erin's question. It was quite simple really. Erin asked them a favor, multiple times. Now it was time to repay the favor. A simple job at Quantico's FBI base was surely a small repayment for their continued support of her ex-husband. Nothing huge, perhaps pushing files around. Or making coffee.

"Kate is doing much better and has expressed looking back into a job at her old precinct," Arthur explained with an air of smugness only a man who knew he was about to get what he wanted could have.

Kate had been looking into some secretarial positions at and around her old precinct, but nothing was concrete. She wasn't even sure they would hire her again for anything after what happened. But she wanted to try. Therapy and medication had helped her get to the point where she could be out in public all day without so much as a panic attack. Of course, those were still more frequent than she would like, and she could hardly look anyone in the eye. But she needed to get back out there and help people. Even if helping people entailed pushing papers in a Podunk precinct somewhere.

"And what am I supposed to do about it?" Erin snapped as the waiter brought their entrees. She looked startled at his intrusion into her rudeness.

He didn't seem to mind, most likely compartmentalizing the abuse he suffered at the hands of some of the more demanding clientele that evening, and taking no note of Erin's toward the Karroways.

"I can't just pull a job out of thin air," she explained once the waiter walked away.

"We aren't asking you to do that," Gwyneth said, cutting into her guinea fowl and pumpkin with stiff, jerky movements.

"Is there anything that needs doing anywhere? Does anyone need help?" Arthur asked, picking at his venison with red wine and juniper reduction sauce.

Erin stared down at her own dish – salt cod with crab and foamed butter parsley sauce – thinking earnestly. She did owe the Karroways for their generous support over the years, she supposed. Kate had endured a terrible tragedy, so she may not respond well to fieldwork yet… But Erin did need someone to keep an eye on a certain BAU unit chief. Perhaps there was something she could offer Kate after all.

"I have something in mind," she said finally with a secretive smile.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at his wife who met his gaze over her second gin and tonic. They both turned in unison, expressions closed and untrusting. Erin may owe them a favor, but she was the kind of woman who would use it for her own advantage. They knew that when they contacted her, but that didn't mean they weren't concerned about what was in store for their little girl.


SES Erin Strauss' office was nearly more imposing than the woman herself. It was dark and every surface was lined with books, awards, and files. Any empty space was lined with photographs of her children, though the middle child was most notably in a place of importance. An old condensation ring stained the wood of her desk where no cold water would have sat, indicating a carelessness that usually only came about when alcohol was involved. That and the not-so-subtle way a glass bottle was shoved into the bottom right-hand drawer of Erin's desk when she permitted Kate to enter her office made her secretive alcoholism not-so-secret.

Kate was a trained detective after all. That doesn't just go away when tragedy strikes and one is forced to leave their job. No, like those memories, it sticks with them as long as their brain continues to function.

"Run now, girl. You can't hide from me forever."

The words hit her like a punch to the stomach. Again. They floated back to her daily. Over, and over, and over again. Sometimes until she was sure that he was still there with her. Forcing her eyes open, whispering foul, disgusting things. Unhinged things as he, as he, as he— Forcing her to watch as Pippa – her best friend and partner… Pippa, oh Pippa.

Breathe. Kate whispered internally.

Agent Strauss was staring at her. She had asked a question and Kate didn't know how to answer, standing in the dark, imposing room in her pastel pink cardigan and pearl grey woolen slacks. Her therapists had said her attraction to light colors was a way to banish her mind's darkness. Maybe it was.

All Kate knew was that she felt like a child in the principal's office right now.

"I will repeat myself once more," Agent Strauss said cooly, looking at her impatiently. "Are you up for this job?"

"I-I-I…" Kate began.

God this was so embarrassing. Her parents asked this awful woman to give her a job and she wasn't even ready for it. She was pathetic.

But she couldn't let them down. "What do you mean? I thought I would just be assisting the BAU."

"Yes, that is correct," Agent Strauss confirmed, steepling her fingers. "But it will entail some rather gruesome work, and I need to know if you can handle that. You've finished with top marks in the academy, an impressive task."

Kate nodded, clasping her trembling hands in front of herself to keep them from drawing attention.

"I also want you to keep an eye on SSA Hotchner for me," Agent Strauss continued slowly, attempting to force Kate's eyes to meet hers.

What? Like spying? On the Agent Hotchner? Kate was flabbergasted. Surely Agent Strauss knew what he was to her, why that was an absolutely impossible request to make. He and the BAU had rescued her for Christ's sake. They hadn't made it in time to save Pippa, but they had saved her and one other girl – Jenny, her name was Jenny. Kate could not spy on Agent Hotchner and his team, not for this job, and not for anyone. Who knows what Agent Strauss wanted with the information she could potentially glean from Kate's potential reports?

Nothing good would come from it. Nothing at all.

"Sorry, I don't know who you think I am…" Kate began softly, steeling her spine and pushing her gold-colored cat-eye framed glasses back up her nose. "But I won't spy for you. If that is a requirement to do this job, then I don't want it. You can tell my parents why I had to refuse."

Agent Strauss's lip curled slightly at Kate's response, but the impending embarrassing – potentially career-ruining – conversation she would have to have with Kate's parents was enough to send her back peddling. "No, no, that won't be necessary. The job is yours if you want it, of course. I would be remiss to refuse such a stellar police record and your scoring at the academy."

Agent Strauss hadn't expected Kate to stand up to her. She would have to rectify that mistake if she didn't want the parents to hear about it. She would have to tread lightly around the girl from now on. Scandal was not something she could afford.

"Report to SSA Hotchner's office effective immediately. He will fill you in on your duties," she snapped with a wave of her hand.

"Yes ma'am," Kate said, and rushed from the oppressive room. Already her breath was beginning to come easier the further away she was from Agent Strauss' office.

It wasn't a long trek to Agent Hotchner's office, but each step felt lighter with the possibility of seeing him again. It had been two years and she was better now than when he had last spoken to her parents to check up on her, but she was excited. To work with him, even if it was just to file his papers, tidy his office, or get him coffee was exciting.

Perhaps Agent Gideon was still there too. He had requested a picture of her after the incident and – tearfully – she had parted with her favorite one. The one of her and Pippa at a work function, dressed to the nines and smiling brightly at the camera as if nothing bad could ever happen to them. She wanted Agent Gideon to remember Pippa too, as she was – not how they found her.

Kate hoped for the chance to speak with him again too.

Her pale knuckles reached up to rap against Agent Hotchner's office door and she stepped back, waiting for permission to enter. She didn't have to wait long. His gruff authorization sounded through the thick door and she eagerly let herself in. If Agent Strauss' office was imposing, Agent Hotchner's was clean and practical with nearly spartan decoration. Not even the few photographs of his family were out of place. It was a much better feeling than the oppressive sensation she felt just a short walk away.

Soon, her gaze landed on Agent Hotchner himself, eyes searching his face for the moment he would recognize her. That was another short second when his face lit up with a rare smile and he stood, hurrying around his desk to her.

"Kate," Agent Hotchner said warmly, taking one of her hands in his. "It's been a while, how are you?"

"Good," Kate breathed, allowing herself to meet his gaze before looking slightly to the right so she wasn't staring him in the eye. She couldn't do that with anyone for more than a few seconds anymore. "I'm doing a lot better. I… I actually moved out of my parent's place again and I've got an apartment in DC. Actually… that's why I'm here."

"I know why you're here," Agent Hotchner said wryly, releasing her hand and grabbing a file off his desk. "SES Strauss informed me under no uncertain terms was I to refuse you the position she offered you."

"Did she also tell you she wanted me to spy on you?" Kate blurted, slapping a hand over her mouth when she realized what she said.

Agent Hotchner smiled again – two in one day, what a record.

"I assumed she would have," he answered, gesturing for her to follow him.

They made their way out of his office and toward the bullpen, Agent Hotchner explaining that only one familiar face from the old team rescued her was still in the BAU. She was pleased to see that Agent Gideon's name was on the office door next to Agent Hotchner's office, but that meant everyone else was new.

New people were a difficult experience. Kate never knew who to trust, or who she could trust. But this job… Even if it was just fetching coffee and keeping people organized or on task… She could be helping people again. Pippa would want that. Pippa deserved that.

So, Kate could meet a few new people. She just had to remember to breathe.

A familiar balding head turned down in the bullpen at the sound of Kate and Agent Hotchner's footsteps. Twinkling dark brown eyes met hers before she focused on the wide, dimpling smile she remembered when she handed him the photograph of her and Pippa.

"Kate," Agent Gideon said gently, hurrying to meet her in the middle of the bullpen. "It's been too long."

"It has," she agreed softly, offering her hand to him to shake.

He took it, looking her over with the practiced eye of a seasoned FBI agent. "You grew out your hair."

Kate's free hand flew to her strawberry blonde curls, attempting to flatten any flyaways. Agent Gideon was observant. Her hair was significantly longer than it was two years ago. An attempt to retake her femininity, her therapist suggested. Along with trading in her old business casual attire for flounces and frills, allowing herself less than practical shapes of glasses frames, and doing the soft and feminine style of makeup she always envied on other women. Kate had completely transformed herself from the frizzy-haired junior detective Agents Hotchner and Gideon once knew.

"I… I… I needed something different," she explained lamely, looking down at the round closed-toes of her pink flats. As though her attempts to recover were somehow shameful.

"We all need something to keep us sane," Agent Gideon murmured reassuringly. "You look good. Healthy."

"Thank you," she whispered, her throat closing around a lump that found itself lodged there.

Wow. This was harder than she thought it would be. She was mere days away from graduating from the academy. SES Strauss had previously mentioned that any issues that should arise with Kate's early acceptance would prove immaterial should she demonstrate her worth in this position. She wondered if that still stood after she refused to spy on Agent Hotchner. She would have to speak with him about that later.

But as she willed the tears in her eyes to dry up and the lump in her throat to disappear, new faces began to crowd around with curiosity gleaming at varying levels in each. The first person who caught Kate's eye was a curvy blonde woman with zany attire and big hair. Then a handsome, dark-skinned man with a charming demeanor. Next, another slimmer blonde who exuded calm and geniality. The person Kate's eyes landed on last was a tall young man, probably around the same age as her. His hair was long and curly – completely nonregulation – and his eyes were the prettiest brown-dominant hazel she had ever seen. Nearly everyone in this unit could be a model, but he, with his cheekbones and thin frame, almost blew them out of the water.

Anything she could have said to introduce herself died in her throat as she stared up at him, unable to tear her gaze away from his – the first time she was unable to do so since…

"Kate," Agent Hotchner said in the same gentle tone as before. "Let me introduce you to everyone. Everybody, this is Doctor Kate Karroway. Kate, this is Penelope Garcia, Agent Derek Morgan, Agent Jennifer Jareau, and Doctor Spencer Reid. You already know Gideon and me, of course."

"He-hello," Kate blurted out, breaking eye contact with Dr. Reid to acknowledge the other team members. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you.

"Kate is a former homicide detective from Richmond and she will be joining the BAU as a trial agent. She has an exemplary record with her old police precinct and top marks at the academy, but we need to make sure she gels well with everyone," Agent Hotchner explained.

Kate sent an appreciative glance in his direction. He was giving her grace, which she desperately needed.

"Former homicide detective?" The man Agent Hotchner indicated was Agent Derek Morgan questioned. "You can't be more than twenty-five."

"I, um… I," Kate started, looking to Agent Hotchner to save her.

He smiled softly at her, prompting her to continue. She suspected irrationally that he had been colluding with her therapist.

"My, uh, my senior partner was… was killed," she explained, pulling at her fingers. "I needed to take some time off after her case was over. I have a Ph.D. in criminal psychology a Masters of Arts in English literature, and Bas in Sociology and Religious studies. They hired me right out of university. I was only twenty-one so… that-that was probably a mistake."

"Looks like we got another genius on our team, Hotch," Derek said, looking her over and offering his hand for her to shake.

"I don't know, about that," she replied, ducking her head as she shook his hand.

Another genius? Kate had never taken an IQ test – her dad thought they were ludicrous – so she didn't know what her score was. Despite her degrees, she doubted it was anything higher than just above average.

Agent Morgan must have been talking about Dr. Reid. He had to be around her age. That was interesting. She wondered how many degrees he had.

"It's very nice to meet you," Agent Jareau said, moving to shake Kate's hand as well. "I'm the BAU's Media Liaison Officer. I'm sure we'll be working pretty closely together since I do less fieldwork than the others."

"And I'm the tech analyst," Garcia interjected enthusiastically. "And may I just say, I think your glasses are the bee's knees."

Kate blushed a little at the compliment. "Thank you, I like yours too."

Garcia's compliments continued for another minute before Agent Hotchner noticed Kate's discomfort and embarrassment and intervened.

"Kate, we have a lot to discuss. Why don't we head back to my office for a bit?" he suggested, and Garcia's mouth shut with an audible click. The knowing smile she flashed Kate before flouncing off back to the tech analyst office told her that the team was used to Agent Hotchner fathering them around.

"Yes," she agreed, fidgeting with the locket at her throat. "It was very nice meeting you all."

It wasn't until she was settled in an uncomfortable chair in Agent Hotchner's office, going over her embarrassingly few duties as a temporary agent, that she realized Dr. Reid was the only one who hadn't greeted her. That was fine with her, she didn't necessarily want to be greeted. But it was stinging that the only other holder of a Ph.D. in the BAU didn't acknowledge her presence except to stare back at her for a few moments.

Maybe he was shy. She was shy – shyer than shy even. Or he could be socially awkward. Or mute. The rest of the team hadn't prompted him to speak to her, so it was probably normal behavior for him. And maybe he didn't like touching people. She hated touching people she didn't know. It sent shivers crawling up and down her spine. He could be a germaphobe, or maybe he just didn't like her. All of these questions swirled around in her mind over and over to the point that she didn't even notice a pair of pretty hazel eyes following her until Agent Hotchner sent her home.


It was a warm spring evening and the drive from Quantico to DC wasn't too bad, especially if one had odd hours and didn't get stuck in rush hour traffic. That, coupled with the fact that Kate's apartment complex – Capital Plaza Apartments – wasn't too far from the grocery store, meant she was home before dark. Maybe she would have been home a little later, but she thought a man was following her in the store and panicked, leaving before she was able to grab everything she wanted.

The upside was that in the event she was followed, she didn't have to wait to turn on the lights in her apartments as it wasn't dark enough yet for someone to identify which one was hers. Her therapist said her hypervigilance kept her from living her life, but how did one live their life when they seen what she had?

Besides, she had a job now. Most people had jobs. That was "living" as her therapist had put it. Doing normal people things, not obsessively watching or reading the news, and checking the constantly updating crime statistics in her general area. Not arming her new apartment to the teeth with easily accessible weapons. Or putting up security cameras that would probably cause her to lose her security deposit with the damage she did to the plaster.

Agent Hotchner didn't bat an eye as she relayed her struggles when they were back in his office. He wasn't hiding the fact that he thought she would one day be a part of his impressive team of analysts, that he believed she wouldn't be there temporarily. Something she would have died to do two years ago… But Kate did die two years ago, or something in her had.

Lugging the straps of her reusable bags over her shoulders, she entered the building from the parking garage. The doorman buzzed her in, seeing that her hands and arms were full. She had only moved in a few days ago, her parents and brother Lance having helped her move in and decorate once Agent Strauss had given her parents the green light on her interview.

Lance insisted on painting the walls an antique rose pink because it was her happy color, and he would pay for "damages" should she get in trouble over it. Her parents ransacked any and every antique store within a one-hundred-mile radius and bought everything from settees and doilies to a 1920s art deco bedroom set fit for a socialite. Everything was "just so" as her mother had put it.

Annoyingly, her parents had applied for the apartment in their name months ago and paid the security deposit and first year's worth of rent "just in case". Kate really couldn't complain – she loved her apartment already – so she didn't. But it still upset her that her parents were continuing to baby her after Pippa's death.

The trek to the second floor with several pairs of groceries wasn't a pleasant experience, but she wasn't about to have them delivered as her brother suggested. She didn't want strangers to know where she lived, even going so far as to ask her parents to have the name on the apartment registered as unlisted and have all her mail delivered to a PO box at the nearest post office.

Her progress was so slow that by the time she made it to her door, she heard quick footsteps behind her. In the time it took her to lug her groceries from her car to her apartment, one of her new neighbors had caught up with her.

Now in a rush not to make contact with another new person today, Kate fumbled with her purse, then her keys with her hands and arms still laden with groceries. Her fingers trembled from the strain and the feeling of her heart beginning to pick up its pace in her chest.

"Here, let me help you with that," a soft, measured male voice said, lifting a few bags from her hands and freeing her so she could unlock her door.

"Uh, thanks," Kate whispered risking a glance up at the person who was now standing over her.

Hazel eyes framed by a mess of brown curls met hers and she flinched backward. Dr. Spencer Reid. Here. In her apartment complex. There was no way Agent Hotchner had sent him after her when he could just call her on her cellphone. And it was unlikely that he would follow her here himself. Most unsubs weren't even so bold and would stalk their victims for days – months even – before making contact.

That meant…

"Do you live here too?" Kate asked, her voice a harsh rasp in the quiet hallway.

"Oh, Dr. Karroway!" Dr. Reid said, his voice squeaking a little in surprise. "I didn't realize it was you moving in here. I knew there was a new resident but I don't really know anyone here so I didn't know who to ask, and there's no nameplate either…"

He continued to ramble on for a few more moments before he realized Kate was staring up at him openmouthed, shaking slightly.

"Are-are you okay?" he asked, concern bleeding into his tone and expression.

Swallowing repeatedly, Kate blinked away any fear in her eyes and jammed her key into the lock, twisting it until it opened and turning away from him into her apartment. Dr. Reid was not a murderer. He wasn't someone who would attack her. Agent Hotchner wouldn't have let him near her if he was.

Why was he being so friendly now? Was she rude back at headquarters? Weird even?

Trying to ignore the fact that he had followed her inside and closed the door behind him, Kate began setting her bags down on the island in her kitchen. Cold stuff should be put away first, then the produce. There was nothing to clean out of the fridge as she had only eaten takeout the past few nights. Her shaking hands froze in the middle of her task when she realized Dr. Reid was holding one of the bags carrying her produce.

"I read your file," he said from his spot in the doorway.

Gingerly, she turned to face him. "I didn't realize I had a, um, file."

"I didn't think you would, but I had Garcia check," he admitted almost sheepishly, but she could the pity hiding behind that sheepishness.

Nausea punched her in the abdomen almost doubling her over and sending her to her knees. God, did everyone in the BAU know what happened? Were they all whispering words of pity behind her back? Would they all send probing glances her way when she was quiet for too long the way her parents and brother did?

How dare he invade her privacy like that?

Gaining some modicum of confidence from her ire, Kate stormed over to Dr. Reid and snatched her bags from him before slamming them down on the island. Without a word to him, she began unpacking all her groceries, putting them away in methodical order. Soon her pristinely empty fridge was full, and her unwanted guest still had not left.

Not turning, she asked, "And what did my file say?"

"Everything you told us this afternoon, that your mother is an Arthurian literature professor, your father is the DA in Richmond, and your brother is in medical school at Harvard. And that you and one other woman were the only survivors of a prolific serial sexual sadist rapist – James Blake Cassidy. That you didn't fit his initial victimology, so he only tortured you and got bored quickly, before realizing that torturing your partner in front of you brought more satisfaction than what his original MO had gleaned. That your partner didn't make it."

Dr. Reid went on to list every little detail of her life from then on, except the most personal things. Those were reserved only for herself and her therapist. With each syllable, her trembling grew more violent.

A sharp crash stopped him mid-sentence – a carton of eggs shattered all over the kitchen floor, splattering up the island and onto the legs of Kate's slacks. They had fallen from her hands because he just wouldn't. Shut. Up!

"I'm-I'm sorry," he said rushing to help her as she knelt in the mess of white and yolk, scooping the shells into her hands.

Her shaking had not subsided and the cold, sticky feeling of the yolk on her skin was beginning to feel like—

To feel like—

To feel like…

Jerking away violently, Kate's knees scraped against the broken shells still on the floor.

"No, no, no, no, no!" she cried over and over, scrubbing the eggs from her hands.

But they weren't eggs anymore, they were red and slippery and smelled of metal and salt. Of burning flesh and stinking bowel. She tried to remind herself that she was safe, in her apartment, and that no one was going to hurt her. Bile rose in the back of her throat, bitter and sour, threatening to spew from her mouth and nose.

Oh, God. Pippa. Pippa.

She could feel the sweat pouring down her body, mixing with the blo—eggs, they were eggs. There was no blood. There was no danger. Kate knew she was safe, she could hear Dr. Reid murmuring to her in a soothing voice that everything was fine, that he was not a threat. But this was his fault!

"Get out," she moaned, the trembling taking over her need to escape and her need to claw his eyes out.

"Dr. Karroway," Dr. Reid soothed, kneeling closer to her. "I'm going to need you to open your eyes and take some deep breaths with me. Can you do that?"

"No! Get away!" she cried, curling in on herself. "Just leave me alone!"

"Dr. Karroway, you are safe. C'mon, just take a few deep breaths and you'll feel better."

"Leave!"

"Not until you take a breath."

And just to make him leave faster, she did. Shallow and shaky the air passed through her trachea and into her lungs over and over until it became a steady, even rhythm. Dr. Reid's eyes never left her now-flushed face, even as she stood on unsteady feet to clean the mess she had been kneeling in. Slowly, but surely, her body stopped trembling as she scrubbed the raw egg from her hands.

Carefully, she removed her now ruined cardigan, leaving her arms bare in her short-sleeved blouse, and set about rinsing it in the sink. Then cleansing the shells and tacky feeling off her legs. Kate would rinse her pants off later as she wasn't about to take them off in front of Dr. Reid, who was now standing awkwardly by the island with fidgeting hands.

Next, she pulled out the cleaning supplies her brother Lance had purchased for her and began wiping up the mess then scrubbing the hardwood floor and island with disinfectant. Once she had completed her task, she resumed her task of putting away her groceries. Soon, everything was in its place, but Dr. Reid was still standing there – watching silently.

"I thought I asked you to leave," Kate snapped, slamming the dark walnut cupboard shut for emphasis.

"I guess you did," Dr. Reid replied, still making no move to exit the apartment.

"Then why are you still here?"

He shrugged awkwardly and said nothing more, eyes wandering over her carefully, as though he were afraid, she would fall to pieces again.

Oh, oh no.

No, no, no.

Kate's hand once again turned bone white as she gripped the cold marble countertop to prevent herself from falling. Dr. Reid's eyes flew to her wrist, following the movement, and widened slightly as his gaze darted toward her paling face.

Surely Hotch wouldn't ask this boy to spy on her. Surely not.

But how could he not report the thin white scars adorning her wrists?

"You can't tell Agent Hotchner about this," she hissed through clenched teeth. "You can't tell him about any of this."

"Why?" was all Dr. Reid asked, though his tone was gentler than she expected.

"This is the first time this has happened in months, and it won't happen again," Kate explained, her voice trembling. "If he thinks I can't handle working with you – even if it is just organizing things for the unit or getting your coffee – then my parents will probably institutionalize me."

Something in Dr. Reid's posture changed when those particular words fell from her quivering lips. It straightened somewhat and a hard light flashed in his eyes, making him at once appear older than his age and somehow childlike and frightened.

"I have a therapist," Kate continued, unable to stop herself. "I see her regularly and she has given me the okay to do this. I passed Agent Hotchner's psych assessment and I will be talking to my therapist tomorrow morning to let her know about this incident. I can assure you, Dr. Reid, that this will not be happening again."

"Dr. Karroway," Dr. Reid interrupted before she could continue. "I had no intention of reporting anything to Hotch. I'm only here because I'm concerned for your safety."

Heat flushed the back of Kate's neck like a crimson wave, coloring her to her hairline. The freckles on her shoulders, nose, and cheeks stood out against the red stain. Her safety? Of course, she was safe. The only thing threatening her safety was him—

Oh.

Her eyes flashed down towards her wrist once again, then back up to the thin man before her.

Oh.

"I know what it's like to be afraid of the things inside your mind." He reached a hand out as if to touch her shoulder, but dropped it. The hard light still shone in his eyes and his posture was still tense.

Kate wondered if he too had been hurt by someone who thought they had power over life and death. She wondered if he too lived in fear of his own mind and what it might conjure up. She thought that maybe someone who wasn't a therapist might understand her.

But—

No.

"Goodnight, Dr. Reid," she said, meaning to sound strong – authoritative – but she just sounded defeated and tired.

"Goodnight, Dr. Karroway," he said, voice tight and controlled.

Kate watched as he turned stiffly and walked out of her apartment, the door closing softly behind him. Three seconds passed after she heard that soft click before she was running to lock the knob, deadbolt, latch, and chain. Kate could still hear Dr. Reid's soft footfalls walking away from her apartment as she leaned against the door, fighting against the heaving sobs that threatened to overtake her body. It was all too much, too much.

The feeling of dried egg on her legs and trousers couldn't move her from her spot at the door. Not for anything. This was her last chance to show her parents she was better. That she was strong again. That Pippa's killer wasn't haunting her every waking moment. Even if it wasn't true.

Kate flicked open the heart-shaped locket she wore around her neck and smoothed her thumb over the glass. One side contained a picture of her and Pippa smiling, the other held a small woven patch of brunette and strawberry blonde hair. Staring at the only physical thing she had left of her friend, Kate finally allowed the tears to flow.


A/N:

Hi, I hope you have fun here lmao

Thank you for the comments, encouragement, favorites, and follows. They mean the world to me. Please don't forget to comment your thoughts!

Chapter title is taken from Mother Cain's song "Ptolemaea" released on her studio album "Preacher's Daughter" released in 2022. The story title is of a similar name, but inspired by "Dante's Inferno".

Here is the playlist for this fic (yes it is the same as my Bullet Train playlist lmao):
playlist/0KV6BeS5qKgP07mdg1mRHD?si=8395446d3f9846ba

Please don't forget to check out my book ( /d/5cifBW6)!