Days in the sun

When my life has barely begun

Not until my whole life is done

Will I ever leave you


Chapter 1

Charlie carefully flicked on the light of the nursery, the single lamp in the corner cast a warm glow over the freshly painted walls and soft decor pieces that welcomed his new baby. He cradled the tiny girl his arms that slept soundlessly. Charlie glanced up at the roof that was currently being pelted with a fair amount of rain. She would get used to it, he thought. This would be her life now. He wasn't entirely sure what to do after all. He was currently having an internal battle, which his girl was fully unaware of as she snoozed.

He listened to the quiet chatter happening in the kitchen. Sarah, the woman with a heart of gold, took it upon drive to the store to find formula for the baby. She wouldn't have her mother's. The nurses tried to explain that she would not need her mother's breast milk and gave him a list of what brands of formula to buy. But it fell on deaf ears. He heard really nothing of what he was told. He couldn't think beyond the next few seconds. He just couldn't. He wouldn't.

He could hear his cabinets being closed as they were probably being filled with those containers of formula. He trusted Sarah just as much as he trusted Billy, his best friend and Sarah's husband. He wasn't sure what he would have done if they hadn't been at the hospital. What was supposed to be a joyous occasion, a time to celebrate a new life, turned into a day of goodbyes.

He walked slowly to the rocking chair on shaking knees. Now that he got a moment nearly to himself, he could feel the grip on his composure slipping from his fingers like a piece of thread. He sat down, careful not to jostle her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to the infant that did not listen or really care to listen. She was busy sleeping. He hoped it would stay that way for as long as possible. She had been asleep since they left the hospital by some miracle. Once she opened her eyes, he knew he would have zero idea what to do with her. He wanted to ask Sarah for help, but would it be weird? Would the baby get confused if Sarah held her? He wasn't sure what the right course of action would be. He wasn't sure about anything. "I'm gonna do my best, alright?" he said nearly inaudibly. He raised a shaking finger to brush against the silky cheek of new skin.

Her chubby face twitched slightly at the sensation but she was otherwise unbothered. She was beautiful in the eyes of her father.

Charlie's chin began to quiver as the impending tears finally came. He fell apart with his sleeping child in his arms.

/

He gently laid his new child down in her new crib. He kept her tiny body swaddled in the light pink blanket the nurse tucked her into. He was afraid to untie it, fearing that she would wake up and cry. He placed her carefully in the center of the small bed, making sure to push away any threatening blankets or toys, and let her go for the first time. He stared at her delicate face for a moment. She already had her mother's nose. He wasn't exactly sure whose eyes she would get as she's hardly opened them since she came out of the womb, but he was afraid to find out.

To keep his mind from wandering, he quietly tip-toed out of the room, flicked off the light, and made sure to leave the door open as he left her to rest.

He headed quietly down the stairs. He noticed how the hushed chatter that floated from the kitchen seemed to dwindle as he got closer. He rounded the corner and headed towards the only source of light in the house. Billy and Sarah sat at his small kitchen table and looked up at him as he walked into the room.

Wordlessly, Sarah rose from her seat and approached him with trepidation as you would a frightened animal. Her kind eyes of chocolate peered up at him with sparkling tears. She stopped in front of him, taking in his face. "Oh Charlie," she breathed, raising her soft hands to either side of his face.

Charlie couldn't help but close his eyes and let her warmth seep into his skin. Her hands were so soft and delicate like Renee's had been and it was almost too much to bear. But he didn't want to make her feel bad by moving them away. He reached up to pat one hand softly and tried to offer her a smile. He wasn't so sure it looked right.

She looked at him sadly. "We're here for as long as you need us," she whispered with a heaviness in her throat.

He shook his head at that statement. He just couldn't let them do that. Not with their two toddlers that occupied so much of their time. It was a miracle they were even able to stay with him as long as they have. "No," was all he managed to weakly mutter.

Sarah's hands slipped from his face and soon two heavy hands were placed on his shoulders. Charlie's eyes, that he didn't even realize were closed, opened to find Billy, his burly and unshakeable best friend, holding him together with a strength Charlie needed now more than ever.

"We got you, Charlie," Billy said lowly and with such conviction, it nearly brought Charlie to his knees. Not for the fact that Billy was such an incredible force, because he was. It was due to the fact that Charlie knew Billy could see straight through his armor that might as well have been made of cling wrap. Billy knew Charlie, better than Charlie even knew himself at times. And he knew, by looking at his friend of many years, that when Billy spoke, it was practically written in stone. He never went against Billy's word. And he did not have the strength to contend with the strong-willed man in front of him.

/

It was 12:27am when she finally started to cry. Charlie was slouched, sitting on the side of their bed, his face buried in his hands when he heard her. He couldn't seem to sleep despite his exhaustion because did not want to lay down alone. He immediately sat up in a panic at the sound. His heart began to pound and his forehead broke out into a sweat. He couldn't avoid it any longer. A deep rooted pang in his chest caused him to get up and move to his open door and towards his daughter. He wasn't fully aware that he was moving, but he knew she needed him.

He vaguely registered the sound of footsteps making their way up the stairs. His eyes zeroed in on the small bundle in the crib that was now squirming around in the loosened swaddle. He stepped over to the crib and peered down at the baby before him. Her small face was scrunched up as if she were being tortured. Big tears rolled out of her eyes and her small limbs pushed and wriggled in every direction, trying to pull the blanket from her body. She was upset, but Charlie didn't know from what. A bottle? A diaper change? Did she know her mother was gone?

He began to panic and a soft hand landed on his arm. He jumped slightly and looked over to find Sarah, her dark, long hair falling out of her braid in gentle wisps, wearing his old t shirt and sweats as pjs. "It's okay, Charlie," she murmured over the cries of his child. "She just needs her diaper changed," she said as if it were plain as day.

Charlie's eyebrows scrunched up and he looked back at his daughter. "How do you know?" he asked. His only instinct was to wrap her in the safety of his arms and hold her tight.

"Listen to her Charlie," Sarah said gently and let his child's cries fill the small room. She had a sharp edge to her cry as she pushed the sound roughly from her lungs. And boy did she have a pair of lungs on her, Charlie thought. He small body pushed the sound forcefully from her body as if she was desperate for relief.

"She's uncomfortable," Charlie murmured with uncertainty.

"That's right. Come on. Get her up," Sarah gently urged the father to move. "Don't make her wait," she scolded softly with a smile in her voice.

"Alright," Charlie grunted and leaned over to lift the tiny, wiggling baby out of her crib. And once he fluffed the blanket around her, he knew Sarah was right. Charlie's face scrunched up involuntarily making Sarah laugh. She was completely at ease, which was understandable considering she had done this many times but with double the amount of work.

He carried her over to the changing table that was already fully stocked with diapers and wipes, courtesy of Renee. Everything was neatly tucked into it's place for this exact occasion. He pushed aside the lump in his throat and gently settled her on the squishy surface. Sarah, being the ever patient angel she was, walked Charlie through one of his least favorite parts of being a father, much to Sarah's amusement.

/

Fatherhood, as it turns out, is very, very difficult. It was times like this in his life when he wished he had brothers and sisters. But it was just him. His parents had passed on already and if it weren't for Billy and Sarah, he would have felt alone in his small, rainy life in Forks. Billy was the closest thing he had to a brother, having grown up with him since their early childhood. But, even so he knew he did not belong in the community of which Billy and Sarah came. They were kind people, of that he was certain. But, he knew when it came down to it, they looked out for one another as they should. He couldn't help but feel a small pang of shame from relying on Billy, a highly respected and dependable member of the Quileute tribe. He knew his struggles as a single father were taking Billy away from his responsibilities and his wife along with it. By the time Sarah was nearing the six month mark of her pregnancy with their baby boy, he knew he couldn't rely on them any longer.

Renee had been long laid to rest and Bella was nearing her first birthday. Sarah started to become more exhausted as time went on but insisted that she was fine. She couldn't let her friend suffer on his own. She knew how hard caring for a child was, and she feared that Charlie would slip back into his depression. He was a shell of a man for the first six months of Bella's life. The only thing that really made him look alive was Bella. And she couldn't help but feel the need to help her dear friend and his sweet baby girl. She had grown quite attached to her and, despite Charlie's pain, Bella grew up as very happy and healthy baby. Charlie didn't have a lot of emotion to give, but it was blatantly obvious he had plenty of love to give his Bella.

Time marched on, as it always seemed to do even in the most difficult of times. Bella steadily grew and soon began to crawl, and not longer after began to toddle. Charlie made sure to take her to every doctor's appointment and, remarkably, never canceled or rescheduled a single one. His police force, a scruffy rambunctious bunch of young and old men were shellshocked. One of their toughest and most serious of men would drop anything and everything at a moment's notice for his Bella. Charlie hated when he had to go back to work after the first few months of Bella's life. He couldn't imagine his days without Bella right by his side. He sat with her during breakfast, played with her throughout the afternoon, and really never left her side. And while it was endearing, those from the outside looking in worried for their dear friend Charlie. Unless it involved Bella or work, he showed no interest. His work buddies tried to get him to go out and find a woman or two. His friends from La Push tried to get him to leave the baby with a babysitter so that he could enjoy a fishing trip or day to himself. But he insisted that he was just fine. Of course, Bella was happy to have her only parent by her side. She didn't know any different..


A/N: To be continued...

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