The drive home after Beck and Tori's opposite date was a particularly uncomfortable one. The hum of soft rock coming from the car stereo was the only thing breaking up the strained silence between the two friends. Beck was pretending to focus on the road but there was barely any traffic so Tori knew the deep concentration wasn't necessary. The awkward silence between them was in complete contrast to the lighthearted banter they'd been having earlier that night and the short drive back to Tori's house felt like it lasted a lifetime.
The mood had completely changed the moment they left the vet's office. It was sad because they'd actually had a really good night, even with them doing everything they could to make it as unromantic as possible. But somehow, the way the night ended had been enough to completely unravel Beck's good mood.
Beck pulled up outside Tori's house and parked the car in silence.
"So," Tori, unbuckled her seatbelt and cleared her throat. "That was-" she trailed off, struggling to find the right words to describe the evening.
"Awkward?" Beck offered with a raised eyebrow.
"I was going to say eventful." Tori smiled nervously.
"Tonight didn't exactly go the way I imagined," Beck explained with a shrug. Now it was Tori's turn to raise an eyebrow. It was obvious he was barely dusting the surface of what was going on in his head right now.
"What did you have in mind?" Tori sat back in her seat and crossed her legs, facing him. Beck was staring vacantly out the window, his left hand still gripping the steering wheel tightly.
"Just a chill night I guess. No drama. I didn't expect my ex-girlfriend to show up and-" he trailed off, shaking his head.
"And what?" Tori probed him.
"Nothing. Just forget about it." Beck backtracked.
"No, you're not getting away with that. No closing off, not dealing with your emotions." Tori scolded him. This was typical Beck behaviour, pretending everything was fine and keeping his true feelings to himself. He hadn't opened up to any of them about the breakup - not even Andre - it wasn't healthy and in Tori's opinion, long overdue.
"That's not what I'm doing," Beck insisted.
"Okay, so why has your mood changed then?" Tori pointed out to him. "Ever since we left the vets you've gone all tense and weird."
"I really don't want to talk about this." Beck sighed.
"Yeah, I can tell. But you clearly feel some type of way." Tori probed him a little further. He might be saying all the right things to get her to drop this but his face told a different story.
"Come on, Beck. It's been what? Three months?"
"Four actually," he corrected her.
"Now we're getting somewhere." Tori smiled.
"I really, really don't want to talk about Jade," Beck said sternly, still not meeting Tori in the eye.
"Why not?"
Beck couldn't answer that. Tori watched his poor attempt at keeping his emotions in check.
"What you said back there, about you loving Jade as a friend. That's not true is it?" Tori probed gently.
"It is." Beck insisted.
"You only love Jade as a friend?" Tori confirmed sceptically. Once again, Beck couldn't answer that. He looked pensively out the window.
"I'm just trying to understand because I'm getting very mixed signals from you here." Tori kept the conversation going.
"I'm sorry," Beck finally turned to face Tori with a genuine apology. "I never meant to lead you on."
"You haven't led me on," Tori reassured him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "This was an opposite date for a reason. You and I are just friends."
"I think I got that," Beck raised an eyebrow. "You've told me at least three times now."
Tori laughed and to her relief Beck chuckled along too. Any feelings she thought she ever had for Beck were long gone. But as a friend, she cared deeply about him.
"I don't actually think you even like me like that," Tori told him, her lips curving into a slight smile.
"Why would you think that?" Beck frowned.
"Because I've seen the way you look at Jade," Tori explained with a sensitive tone. "And you've never once looked at me like that."
"I don't-" Beck seemed confused, "I don't understand."
"You and Jade have this thing. You just have to look at each other and there's like - energy. You can't help it and you can't switch it off just because you broke up. We all see it. I saw it tonight in the vets."
Beck closed off again, Tori's words proving too much for him to hear and he exhaled, looking despondently out the window again.
"Come on, dude. Talk to me." Tori made one final push and a few seconds later he cracked.
"Alright! I still love her. I love Jade more than just a friend okay? Are you happy now?" He confessed angrily.
"Aww!" Tori couldn't help herself.
"No, not aww. Jade walked out on me, remember?" Beck replied bitterly.
"That's the second time tonight you've said that but I don't remember it happening that way." Tori found herself unable to not defend Jade here. "From where I was standing, it seemed like a two-way street."
Beck sighed in irritation "Why? Why are you making me talk about this?
"Because I care about you. I want you to be happy." Tori said concernedly.
"And you think loving Jade makes me happy?" Beck scoffed. "She is exhausting! I can't do anything right and we argue all the fucking time."
"Have you tried talking to her about this?" Tori suggested with a shrug. "Have you two even talked at all since you broke up?"
The expression on Beck's face suddenly faltered. He tried to cover it up but it was too late.
"What was that look?" Tori picked up on it immediately. Beck ran a hand through his hair and looked down guiltily.
"I can't- I can't tell you this," he shook his head.
"I think you're going to have to now," Tori folded her arms and looked at him. Several minutes passed as Beck fought his inner turmoil, clearly trying to decide whether or not to trust Tori with this information. Eventually, he met her eyes in defeat.
"Alright, but this can't go anywhere," Beck said seriously.
"I won't say anything," Tori assured him. Beck took a deep breath before he confessed.
"After the Platinum Music Awards, Jade and I-" Beck paused midway through his sentence. "Jade and I slept together."
"Wait what?!" Tori gasped. She didn't know what she was expecting him to say but it was definitely not that. "How the hell did that happen?"
"You don't need to say it. I know how fucked up it is, especially when only a few hours earlier I tried to kiss you."
Tori could see the pain in his eyes. He was regretful, that was obvious. But which one of his actions he felt so guilty about, Tori wasn't sure.
"Can I tell you what I honestly think?" Tori interrupted the silence.
"Please do," Beck replied.
"I think you only tried to kiss me because you're lonely," she replied softly. "I think, you're trying too hard to feel something for someone else. But you're never going to when you're still in love with your ex."
"But what if I don't want to be?" Beck asked sadly.
"You can't just switch off your feelings because you don't want to feel them anymore - not when it comes to this." Tori shook her head. "But Jesus Christ, Beck. If I'm getting mixed signals I can only begin to imagine how Jade is feeling."
"I know, I know. I didn't mean for this to happen." Beck grimaced.
"How did it happen?" Tori asked curiously. Beck sighed, he knew he'd already said too much so he might as well continue.
"After your performance, while you guys were away talking to Mason, we kissed. I don't even know how to explain how we got into that position or who initiated it but we did. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in one of the dressing rooms backstage, taking each other's clothes off."
"And at no point you thought, hmm maybe we should stop before this goes too far?" Tori raised an eyebrow at him.
"No not really," Beck admitted.
"You two are something else you know that right?" Tori shook her head. "And then what happened?"
"We just rejoined the party," Beck explained with a shrug. "It hasn't come up since."
"I don't understand how you didn't immediately talk about this," Tori shook her head. "You can't just have sex and then go back to ignoring each other."
"Jade had to take Cat home after she threw up all that bibble." Beck pointed out to her.
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Tori grimaced, reliving that gross memory.
Beck sat quietly, contemplating his actions and unsure how to feel. Tori sighed. It was clear to her now that he was not over Jade in the slightest, no matter what he might try to portray in front of the rest of the group
"Beck, please try and talk to her. She might be your ex but she's also your friend. And this situation, whatever it is, it can't last. Something is going to break and I don't want it to be either of your hearts. I don't want to see either of you get hurt."
"I don't ever want to hurt Jade. I just don't know what I want anymore." Beck exhaled, seeming sad.
"For what it's worth, I think she still loves you too." Tori squeezed his arm in comfort. A glimmer of pain crossed his features. He couldn't allow himself to think like that.
"Why are we still talking about this?" Beck turned away from her.
"Because you obviously needed to." Tori sighed as he took a deep breath. "Can I give you a hug?"
Beck nodded and Tori practically leapt into his arms and squeezed him tightly. It took a lot to get Beck to open up like this and she appreciated how vulnerable he had been with his feelings tonight.
"Jade would murder me if she knew I told you about this," Beck admitted when they eventually broke apart.
"Told me what?" Tori replied with a shrug. Beck smiled appreciating her discretion.
"Thank you," Beck replied.
"No, thank you - for taking me on my very first opposite date. Same time next week?" Tori teased.
"Yeah, I might need to take a rain check on that," Beck laughed.
