Now and Forever
Chapter 10
Christine slept soundly in the new bed. She heard Mike check on her a few times but he left her sleeping until almost nine am. Katie had gone to work and Hannah to school by the time she finally did come out into the common area. Mike was typing on his laptop.
"Coffee is fresh." Mike told her.
"Thanks. Girls at school and work?" Christine asked as she fixed her coffee.
"Yep. Katie has a double shift and Hannah is wanting to go to a basketball game with her friends. I gave permission." Mike answered.
"Okay." Christine answered. Mike took his reading glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I just turned my retirement in. I may have to take a trip back to negotiate terms but its done." Mike told her.
"Are you sure about that?" Christine asked.
"Yeah. I need to be near the girls and you, of course. I do need to talk to you about something and I don't mean to upset you." Mike started. Christine sat down next to him at the kitchen table and looked at him expectantly.
"Oh?" Christine asked.
"I…thought you were dead. It was several years after the Red Flu and I had a couple…less than five one-night stands. The women meant nothing to me. It was just because I was lonely. They didn't know who I was. So, I have no room to criticize you." Mike explained.
"That is kind of apples and oranges. I did what I did to spite you. It wasn't out of loneliness or because I thought you were dead." Christine told him. She had expected it. Mike was loyal but he was still an average male. He had needs that Christine hadn't met even before the Red Flu.
"Still doesn't make it right." Mike remarked.
"Mike, don't worry about it. I just wish you had found someone who you cared about and who loved you the way you deserve." Christine answered.
"I have found someone I care about…you." Mike remarked.
"I wonder if I will ever be capable of loving like you and the girls deserve." Christine said.
"I think you always have. Your dad did a number on you and you fought so hard to not be the same sort of parent he was. Our kids never knew the abuse you endured. You just forgot how to be a wife at times." Mike said.
"And that is not forgivable." Christine commented.
"Christine, I have forgiven it but I also need you to forgive it. You truly don't feel you deserve love or forgiveness, or even someone being tender. You mentioned that Paul was not nice. It is almost like you found someone who was cruel to you because that's all you felt you deserved, correct?" Mike asked.
"I suppose so. I never gave it that much thought." Christine admitted.
"I always took it that you felt the sex between us was not as good, but now I think its more that you were seeking out the cruelty. Not sure that makes any sense though." Mike continued.
"You don't have a cruel bone in your body. Mike, I promise; it was nothing you did or didn't do that made me do what I did. In the past six years, I have found I missed that with you. I am not there yet but I do want to build back up to that with you. If you want. What you saw that day may have tainted any chances of us ever being intimate." Christine said.
"Dr. Fitzpatrick said not to pressure you until you were ready." Mike remarked.
"She also said you were wanting to plan a romantic weekend away." Christine replied.
"Back then, it was camping. It was all we could afford and you hated camping. Now, I can afford something much nicer." Mike said.
"Mmm. Mike; I actually really loved and missed your romantic gestures. Bringing me those flowers. The picnics on the living room floor after the kids went to bed. The stay-cations, when we were supposed to be cleaning or fixing or painting something, but we spent the weekend in bed. My point is, while I always complained back then, I've missed it deeply. I never wanted elaborate apparently. I remember once, you took the kids out to do something and brought me home my favorite candy bar. I might have complained at the time, but I really do love that." Christine explained.
"I would really like to do something when you feel ready. I do need to go back and pack my apartment up soon. Maybe you could go with me and we go out to dinner or something." Mike suggested.
"I would love that. Are you sure about this retirement? You love the Navy." Christine asked.
"I need to be here with you and the girls. And frankly; I've done as much in the Navy as I can do. Gone further then I ever anticipated." Mike answered.
"I remember that all you ever wanted was the Captaincy." Christine remarked.
"Yeah, and I'm CNO now. There's talk of me receiving Admiral of the Fleet." Mike said.
"And you want to give that up?" Christine asked.
"For you and the girls, yes." Mike answered. Christine leaned over and gave Mike a kiss on the forehead and then on the lips. There was no passion but it was still sweet.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Christine said after the kiss ended. She was a bit surprised when Mike continued the kiss. This time, much more passionate.
"I love you." Mike said.
"I love you too." Christine said. She cuddled into Mike's chest and smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and just held on.
They spent the day visiting, planning, talking about the girls' interests and likes and cuddling. It was strangely cathartic to Christine. Something she would have hated before but now she relished the time with Mike.
