Chapter 70
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"Well, looks like somebody's been busy."
Looking down from the concrete walkway, Little John smiled as he saw the figure below. "Hey guys, you know that friend I talked about?"
Looking across at him, covered in dapples of white paint, a wolf leant over. "You here to help too?" Conway shouted down.
Looking up, Robin nodded, and was waved over towards a lift. Pressing the button to summon it down, he waited patiently, tapping his foot on the floor, nose slowly turning up as an odd smell filled the air. All as his phone pinged, his eyes going down to see a message from Marian. 'Big police thing by the Rainforest docks, someone just made a play.'
Robin frowned, scratching his head. Last time he'd been in that neck of the woods, he and a certain Foxy who called himself Loxy had been disguised up, trying to outplay each other at first and then direct the cops too and from where the proxy forces and their night howlers were (or not). Naturally the cops had chosen his opponents version of events though, to be fair, a blind beggar fox was maybe not his best choice of disguises for the occasion. He knew he should have pulled out Sir Didimus again! A loud ping cut through his train of thought as the lift door opened, the vulpine stepping back at the smell and sight coming out.
Before he could say anything though, a squeaky voice cut in. "If you want, I could carry you up."
"S-sure," the fox said, nodding. "My masculinity is certainly not fragile enough to reject a fine lady like you offering to carry me, rather than the other way around."
The hyena, clothes peg around her nose, blew some air. "Sure is big enough to think you can carry me, scrawny."
The fox was taken aback, pausing as he let the buff Shenzi hold out an unstained paw and pick him up. He pushed the lift button. Slowly, rattling upwards, the fox let his gaze lower down to the rest of the lift car… Slowly being washed and mopped with tomato chunks by two glum looking skunks, their shorts belted on firmly via cable ties. "So… Slave skunks hu…"
"Until they pay their debt off to us they are," Shenzi snarled, giving a glare at the pair. "These guys thought they could stink up our elevator and just walk off, well they have another thing coming."
"Right," Robin nodded. "And these are the ones who did… That, right?" He smiled. "All for the punishment fitting the crime, but don't want to catch the wrong mammals, right?"
"Y-yeah," one of the skunks said, turning up with pleading eyes. "She just accused us out of nowhere, just because we're skunks. Just because we have this organ under our tail for self defence! Just… Just cause we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do you want to know why my entire species got peer pressured into removing these glands for a generation or so, huh? Just look at her, look at her…"
Robin did, as she pulled out her phone and pressed play. "Hey," a voice very familiar to the fox spoke out, albeit in a far more… lusty tone than he'd ever heard it before. "I saw what you did in the lift car earlier and…" A dark little shudder of pleasure rippled out the back of his throat. "I don't say it much, but I'm a dirty bear."
And then the recorded voice of the skunk spoke back in return, giggling for a second before speaking out doubly lusty. "If ya want, we can find a telephone booth and…"
And to that, Shenzi flicked the phone off and jabbed a paw forward. "Case rested, pervs!"
Grumbling, the skunks got back to work as the lift reached its level, Shenzi dropping the fox back down. "Well, I suppose I can't argue with that," he said, smiling. "Good luck, uh… Reforming them."
"Well, after this is done they can be productive members of society, or not. Their choice," she said, the lift closing behind her.
And with that, Robin turned to face Little John, a wolf standing behind him. "You here to volunteer?" the latter asked. "I don't think I've seen you around much…"
"Well," Robin said, "just hearing a lot from my friend here, I was curious to see what was going on."
Little John nodded. "Well, you've already seen what we've done with two of the three skunks behaving badly."
"Two of the three?" the fox asked.
Conway growled a little. "There was a third one in there. We took him off the second we realised he was enjoying it."
"He's now going around the decks, sweeping, cleaning things up," Little John added in.
"Hates it," the wolf said with a smile.
"And… if they try and run away?" the fox asked.
"They're not gonna," a new voice said, the fox looking over his shoulder to see a sea otter walking up, a bag of small tools and stuff over his shoulder. "We're keeping an eye on them. Same as these guys." He gestured over to see a set of sullen looking teenage prey mammals. Two goats, one boar.
"Yeah, I was just thinking…" Robin trailed off. "If the police come calling about the forced labour."
"Oh that's the best part," Conway said, smiling as he walked up, tail wagging as he looked down at the trio. "Them working here is payment for us not telling the cops what they did. Isn't that right?"
They slowly nodded, mumbles of yesses coming out.
"Their parents were very co-operative when we said that we wouldn't press any charges for what they did if they helped repair the damage and fix bits and pieces here and there."
They remained silent, kicking and fussing their feet.
"-Anyway," Little John said, "if they've learnt their lesson and paid their debts, I think they deserve a little reward for taking their punishment on the chin. Isn't that right?"
With that their heads perked up, the bear waving them all on their way, minding the areas of paint as they passed. "Doing up the place?" the fox asked.
"Someone's got to do it," the otter said.
"Yeah, just thought it was the housing authority who…"
That earned a laugh from both the otter and Conway, the wolf shaking his head. "None of us actually live here, but we all know that they'd never get off their tails to do it. But we're predators here, mammals who take action, mammals who push forward and lead by example. We needed a quick way to show everyone that we were a group who'd be taking action, and hey… Somebody suggested making this grey blot on the landscape actually look nice. So why not!"
The otter nodded. "It gave us time to look around and plan the actual big improvements, that take some expertise to do, but will make a big difference." He rustled the bag on his shoulder and Robin, picking up the hint, gave it a look.
"I'm guessing that's what that is for," he said. "So, repairing broken appliances."
"Here and there," the otter agreed. "It's mainly to help fix a bunch of damp problems in a bunch of flats. -We found that was the biggest problem across this place." He gestured around to the large estate.
"So, improving the insulation," Robin began, only to be met with a shake of a head.
"No, lots of places that could help, or utterly ruin it all if you botch it. And heating isn't really an issue, the towers plug into the heat network from the climate wall. In some places it's a leaking pipe or gutter, or the seal on the other side has worn through."
"Right, and how do you get to them? Must be dangerous or…"
"No, no," the otter said. "We've all got faith in Jesus."
Robin nodded along, smiling. "Well, nice to know you've found faith, though not quite what I expected." He gave a glance up at Little John. "But maybe just have a safety line or…" He paused, turning up to give the bear a long hard stare, paws on his hips. "Okay," he said, seeing the tightness with which the ursid was forcing his mouth shut. "What's the joke?" He turned, looking around at some of the other mammals, all suppressing sniggers, even the press ganged teenagers.
"Is someone going to tell me what's…" He turned to see a cacomistle walking up the stairs, a small part of the procyonid dying as he saw the others turn to him and speak out in unison.
"HE HAS RISEN!"
The cacomistle just facepawed, groaning. "Tleka okchiua nimitsihto notoka…"
The fox just smiled, putting a paw forward. "Robin."
Which was received. "Jesús…" He waited for the inevitable joke, only for it not to come.
"Hey, I've heard there are plenty of nice Mohammeds out there," the fox just said, "nice to meet you."
The smaller mammal smiled, nodding. "Nice to meet you too."
"-Anyway," the sea otter said, walking over and smiling. "Aztec jesus guy here has been our lord and…" He choked back a giggle. "-Saviour in the whole filling in cracks department. Just climbs up these ten storey buildings, fills in the stuff on the outside, while I work on stuff on the inside. Much as I can."
"Well, much as you want to go into it, we've got a place to be," Conway said, leading them along, silent for a few seconds.
…
"Stop trying to think of a joke," said Jesús.
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"Okay boys, it's not the best that I've done, -I'm not the best with prey food, buuut…" The three mammals looked down at the plates put down in front of them by the wheelchair bound badger, their ears perking up… Slightly. Sure, for prey mammals there was nothing wrong with fermented silage, mushrooms fried until they were brown and flavoured with garlic, along with a dry slaw made of grated carrot and red cabbage. It was just… Less inspiring than a great big veggie burger loaded up with onion rings, pickles and barbeque sauce.
Still, the teens, seeing three out of the five other prey mammals there, two very shaggy yaks and a tired looking moose with two withered little antlers, digging in, followed on.
The badger looked at them for a second or so.
"It's… nice," one of them said.
The badger nodded, starting to turn his wheelchair around.
"-Are you into making old-timey food or something?" The mustelid wheeled his chair back around again, the goat silent for a second before racing on. "-I mean, this is real like… What people in the olden times would eat. I mean, we got all sorts of new, better food now, and…"
"-Is it better?" the badger asked.
"Yeah, obvs better, it…"
"-Tastes better, maybe," the badger cut in. "And yeah, first time, had to go out and buy stuff I'd never buy myself. All sorts of stuff from the wrong continent and…" Some of the teens looked at each other at that, but he kept going. "-But the point is, we as species evolved in specific places to eat specific diets. And it's only in these modern times we've started splitting apart from that. And guess when we started facing obesity, and all these other problems. -This may not be the nicest food for you, but I bet you it's the healthiest. And yeah, in time, we'll get it tasting better."
"-Uh, excuse me…"
The badger turned, looking up to the two other large homeless prey mammals in the room. A pair of mule deer, hunched over (but not so much as the bear and yaks, and certainly not as much as the moose) were looking on, waiting.
"Yes?" the badger said.
"You… You said there'd be food for our work. They have food…"
"-And you will have food too," the badger said, wheeling himself over to a pot on the stovetop. Lifting the lid, he wafted the steam into his face and took a sniff. Not the only one as other noses perked up.
And with that he turned, bringing it over. "Squash and bean soup. Nutritious and highly native," he said, starting to scoop some out. He gave a glance at the predators in the room. "I'll have some sockeye salmon for all our protein coming up. -Oh, and the offer is still open to source some tilapia for you Shenzi."
"Stuff's got no taste," the hyena muttered. "Give me the salmon, hell I'll have a taste of that soup!"
The badger froze, thinking. "Okay, but only a very small amount."
And so things were served, Shenzi disregarding any portion advice and the badger noting that it was lucky that he hadn't been caught out by any Australian mammals yet, though the time would certainly come. He'd already been compiling lists of suitable food sources and where to acquire them…
Little John though mentioned to Robin that there was no issue with mammals not choosing to stick to a geographically accurate diet plan. -After all, he said, giving a look over at the badger, something about the Australian diet certainly seemed productive to high vulpine populations.
"Your loss," the Badger said, his sanguine response followed on by a muttering about how Australian foxes didn't tend to go for bush tucker, wattle flour, murnong, balga, wayalinah and macadamia.
"Well no crap," a new but familiar voice cut in. A few mammals turned to see a certain weasel arriving, Duke looking up and smiling at the fox and bear. "Never eat anythin' that sounds made up. Rules to live by, right there."
Little John shook his head. "You seriously never heard of macadamia before?"
The weasel scoffed. "Probably poisonous to me or something. I know I can eat peanuts and that's about it."
"In lieu of small mammals you should be sticking to bugs, fish and fowl," the badger huffed.
"Yeah, yeah… And now for some reason I really wanna share some macadamia nuts with Conway over there."
Almost in unison, the wolf and badger spoke out. "Nope."
"-Trust me," the latter began, before the canine cut in.
"-I thought trying to get high on nutmeg was a stupid mistake of mine, then I ate one of those things on a dare." Ears pinned back and fur slightly on end, he turned down to Robin. "I don't know if that stuff affects you vulpines too but if it does it's a literal pain train, don't even…"
"-Don't worry," the fox said, nodding. "I know my limits. Big onion a week, a small chocolate bar won't make you weep. But one grape is as deadly as a snake, and macadamia will give ya the pain-ia."
"And that's why the prison service would be happy if they could get away with just serving grass, hay, leaves and kibble," Shenzi said, shivering and gagging out at the last word. With that, she turned and gave an eye at the three young prey mammals. "So that's why you don't try and kick our pred homes and pred brothers and sisters, ya hear! Because if you think that leafy crap is bad, it can get a whole lot worse. You get me!?"
One of the goats and the boar nodded, but the other goat… He leant back, eyes going wide. "Y-y-you were PD'd…" A second or two passed, his friends staring at him blankly, before he filled them in. "Punishment detail. In the zoo it's what they throw only the real crazy chompers in…"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?" the hyena snarled, marching over. Eyes going wide, the three prey kids jolted back out of their chairs, scrambling for the back wall. Only for a red figure to step in between.
"We're not going to prove them right, are we?" Robin asked, Shenzi halting but still glaring, teeth bared. The fox looked back to the trio, in particular the one who'd poked the hornets nest. "Now, using that vile word was not the best of choices, was it?"
"I… -I-I… You know…" He said, pointing up at the still mad hyena.
"Know what?" she growled.
"I…"
"Come on," Robin said, taking on a kindly tone as he sat back down in his seat, gesturing to the one the goat had vacated. "Sit down, talk it out like civilised mammals, what did you mean by that?"
He wilted. "I… I didn't mean nuthin' 'kay? Sorry, I guess…"
"You guess?" the fox asked again, softly.
"I… -I mean she said it herself, she's a hardened ex-con!"
"Yes, unlike you she's a criminal who got caught in the act and was punished for it by the law. Now… -Which part there makes you unlike her?"
"I… I ain't got no murder weapons on me, I…"
The fox pointed at his horns.
"-That's different! Self defence, stopping…"
"And if you charge a smaller mammal out of the blue, those down…"
"-Like you were doing to all the bits and pieces in that shop?" Little John added.
"Yup, would that be self defence?"
…
"I said I'm sorry, OKAY!"
…
"But do you mean it?" the badger cut in, driving his chair over. Robin began to move in, only for the mustelid to wave a paw off at him. "It's okay, I know you don't and I know why you don't."
For a moment the goat let his ears pull back, Robin noticing his eyes roll up and back, his spine hunching a little as he prepared for the lecture.
"-And it's not your fault."
The goat sprung back up in surprise, the onlooking vulpine readying to catch him when he fainted, before mentally chastising himself for coming to that conclusion.
"Uh…" the caprid began.
"Hey kid," Duke piped in. "Don't punch a gift giver in the face if you know's what's good for you."
"Let me explain," the badger said, leaning forward. "It's not your fault, in the same way it wasn't our fault that when we all started organising, we thought that prey like you were the problem."
Robin gave a glance over at Little John, a slight smug look on his face.
"-And why wouldn't we?" the wheelchair bound mustelid continued. "That's their plan."
"Uh… Who's plan?"
"The idiots and hustlers out there who want it to be a problem," he continued. "Who've been erasing the differences between us all this time, trying to homogenise us, streamline us, destroy our independence and make us subservient."
"Yeah," Shenzi agreed. "Trying to make us like sheep."
"Not that sheep being like sheep is bad," Little John cut in.
"-Of course, of course," the badger agreed. "Just like bunnies, if they're happy being content with what they are, in these little spaces they've carved out for themselves, that's all good. But…"
"-Hey, example of a bunny stepping out of their spot for me," Duke cut in. "Do you know how many times… legitimate as they are, that flopsy the copsy arrested me?" He grimaced, giving a shiver.
"Wait, you were arrested by that bunny cop?" the boar asked.
"Yeah, what is her name?" the cacomistle began, clicking his fingers as he tried to remember…
"Judy Hopps," Robin spelled out. "I mean, she had her dream, she went and got it. Hey, good for her, right?"
"-You do realise that that dumb bunny made things a hundred times worse for us with the howler crisis," Shenzi cut in. "Oooo, woooo, big scary predators are murder machines, wah, wah, I left the carrot farm and I'm now a cop! Hateful pellet-bag."
"Didn't she then arrest Bellwether with a fox though?" Conway asked.
The hyena blinked. "You honestly think that's legit?"
"Yeah," Duke said. "As much as I hate her…"
"You're stumping up for her?"
"No, I'm saying out loud she kitnapped me and threatened my life to get a clue that led her to those sheep."
Shenzi stared at him for a second or two before bursting into a set of cackles, paws slapping on her knees. A few other chuckles rang out from other mammals, the weasel huffing and giving a shrug with his shoulders. Mouth open, he prepared to continue the argument, only for…
"-Not to get sidetracked or anything," the badger cut in, glancing up and down at the mammals in question before turning back to their young guest. "What we're getting at is that there's a type of mammal, out there…" He waved his paws out into the open. "And they talk about 'diversity', celebrating our differences… But they don't actually want that. No, all the differences they talk about are surface level, shallow, performative bullcuss. Because what they actually want is conformity. Conformity of thought to what they believe in, in everyone going forward with their ideology. That all the actual deep differences between us, in our history, in our biology, in the roles we played and can play… are fiction. Lies. 'Social constructs'. Built in order to oppress us, and requiring annihilation in order to 'liberate' us."
He gave a snort. "Even when 'defending predators' they deny predator and prey itself, saying it's 'relative'. As if a predator can 'become' a prey or vice versa. And so they want people to aggressively attack all these true differences, roles, everything our different species built. Taking everything we took as a solid value, to build ourselves around, and burning it to the ground, all to scream back the tide of reality to make us 'the same'. At those who try to stop them or defend it because, according to their beliefs, those mammals are just the unevolved true savages who only exist to sabotage their forward march of mammalian progress! You follow?"
"I… Kinda, but I don't really see where this …"
The badger smirked. "Look at us, all here. Previously we were just lying about, doing nothing. Just 'mammals', 'workers', predators, oppressed. Do you know there are some mammals going around who think that it's their duty to 'save us', by stealing from mammals who've actually done something with their lives? Who, however much they say they like the poor, actually despise us. Think we're dirty, idiots, morons who can't see what's good for them? That after wrecking all we value and smashing our own ability to provide for ourselves, we should thank them… Support them… Be grateful for them supplying us with a measly charity they haven't even made themselves? Just stolen from people they hate, envy, even more?"
"-I know," Duke smiled, leaning next to Robin. "Hard to believe, but they exist. They reeeeaaaallllllyyyyyy think that."
"Right," the badger agreed. "But, we chose to buck that. We, together, knew something was wrong. We were hearing reports of terrible crimes being committed. All while things were bad for us. We began to group up and start to piece the bits together. And sure, there were mammals who sneered. Who laughed. Who yelled, insulted, belittled us. Of course there were. Maybe we did make mistakes. At first thinking that this was just all the prey, all the sheep." He snorted. "The reactions of certain predators showed it wasn't just them. But, we slowly honed in on what we needed to do. I must thank our two friends here for that." He gestured at Duke and Little John.
"-In the olden times, predators went out and did stuff. We didn't wait like helpless mammals for help to come. We didn't sit in filth expecting others to come and lift us up. We, predators, pushed forward, and in return the prey mammals had our backs. They supported us. They gave us the food and support and comfort when we came back, bruised from the battle. -Or in some cases fought alongside us. The point is that there was once a contract between pred and prey, between all the species that knew they were different, but understood that united…" He looked around, leaning over to grab a bunch of straws held in a cup on his wheelchair and held them above him, gripped tight. "We could advance together." And with that he placed them back down. "Sure, you can argue forever about who is at fault for breaking the contract, but the point is that sometime, not long ago, it was. But, rather than running around and complaining and expecting someone else to go and fix it… We chose to fix it."
"YEAH!" A round of cheers came out.
"We took the first step, but we need you, if you are willing, to take the next ones with us."
"Yeah," Conway agreed, turning to the homeless mammals, eating at the back. "You scratch our back, we scratch yours. We all pull our weight. You try and skive out of it, you can go back to the street."
"-Wait…" the moose began, looking over. "This… This isn't a commune or anything…"
A round of sniggers rose up from the predators. "Of course not," the badger waved off.
"Better dead than red," the antlered mammal muttered, to a round of agreements.
"So, for you," the badger said, looking at them. "And you," he looked at the youths. "We push forward, we don't wait for mammals to come and lift us up. We climb up ourselves. And hey, if goats are needed at the front, we'll make use of you. Same for a boar, or any of you. Because at the end of the day, we reject the idea that our differences are meaningless. We reject what these radical deconstructionists want. We reject their road to serfdom and servitude. We're beating our own path, and it's your choice if you want to join us or not. So, what do you say?"
The goat stood there, frozen for a second. "I… Good, I guess…?"
"You guess?" the sea otter asked.
"I'm just confused…"
"About what?"
"... What any of this has to do about me using the C-slur on the yeen."
A silence filled the room for a second, before it was broken by a loud, piercing, slap.
"Really?" Duke groaned, sliding his paw down his face and glaring at the mammal. "Gift, its face, you, KA-POW!"
"Hey, I'm just…" the goat began, gesturing around with his hooves.
"-Predators used to show their value to prey," the badger explained. "You lot knew you couldn't survive without us. Us lot knew the same. There was respect, mutual respect earned by the deeds we did and saw, and fists, claws and horns if some mammals earned it. And then a whole load of mammals came in who wanted us all to be 'the same', tame, who hated the idea of the individual. Who wanted to break down our species identities and turn us into this amorphous blob. Sure, each mammal with a different outside paint job, with garish colour schemes and all, but the actual difference underneath? Gone. -But of course, without mammals seeing our differences and our interdependence, and us having the guts to assert it, what happens? We forget it. And with how rich and safe the world has got, and how we now have to settle things peacefully?"
He laughed a little. "We end up like little toddlers squabbling in a preschool, no respect for each other, free in the cages of our playpen, crying out when things go wrong or things aren't fair. Trained to think 'mommy' or 'teacher' will come in and sort everything out. Or thinking we can just take, take, take or demand, and we'll get it. So no wonder we bicker, squabble, use words like Chomper without even thinking. It's just like a little kid saying poop over and over… In the proper world, you'd be taught respect, not to be a wimp, a pussy, a name caller… Instead they just finger wag and tell you and you gloss it over…"
"So… Wait, you're gonna beat me up!?" the goat began, this time wobbling on his hooves.
Thankfully the badger shrugged. "If you keep it up we will. But in the world as it is? Well, first time you get a warning and some help. Make the most of it."
"Right," the goat said. "Okay…"
Despite how unsure he sounded, most mammals nodded, the badger waved them back to their food and, in order to show them what kind of progress they were setting out to do and making, for the others to give a progress update.
"It's no use just waiting for some dumb bureaucrats to come in and fix all our problems," Conway said. "They don't give a cuss about us and why would they, we just yap, yap, complain and complain. Instead we're going out there and making them look bad, showing them we don't need them. And hey, if they don't like that, they better step up their game."
"You say that to their face or anything?" the boar asked.
"When they get here we will," the wolf smiled.
"Making the place less ugly was a good statement to begin with, getting their attention," the badger said. "But we needed to show the mammals of this estate that we were actually going to go out and do good for them. Show them that we were deserving of their trust, that we were the predators they should put their faith in."
The otter agreed, ruffling around in his bags. "Now, insulating up the place didn't make much sense as we get cheap heat from the climate network… But fixing the damp issues in some of the flats, that was something that would send the signal out. For sealing any leaks coming from the outside, we put our faith in Jesus."
A groan rang out from the small, thin, ring tailed mammal. "It's pronounced Heh-sous…"
"-And my work on boats and pipes in the past meant I could fix some of the inside leaks, blocked sinks, etcetera, etcetera…" The otter carried on. "Honestly, I get why some of those mammals out there think we're all dumb idiots. As there really are some dumb idiots here who can't do anything."
"We show them how to do something," the badger replied. "If they can't handle it after that, that's their responsibility, not ours."
"Yeah, okay," the otter said, nodding. "But seriously, complaining about having to get a plumber in every week to unblock the drain full of fat… That's on them…"
"And you showed them a way to do it themselves, right? Something they could rely on."
"Well, a big pot of boiling water followed by another with added washing up liquid seems to be idiot proof…"
"-In which case we find out the idiots," the badger agreed. "And at that point, just leave them. If they can't swim, let them sink by themselves, not drag us all down."
"Right, right, I gave them a swimming lesson, their fault if they didn't listen," the mustelid agreed, taking a breath in. "Now the tricky part was all those where the problem was too much steam and moisture inside and not a lot of ventilation. Some just had broken down fans, which we fixed, and we told them to keep their windows open all over summer to dry the place out. Others were trickier, like a big extended family living in a place too small for them. Doing their washing and hanging it up inside, or all having showers that the fan couldn't cope with."
"In which case," Robin segued in. "Seems like that's a real case of the housing authority not doing their job properly. Not finding the right sized places for these mammals. Or not getting enough funding for it."
"Yeah, well that's just life," the otter shrugged. "Point is, what we gonna do about it? So, for the shower I rigged up a far more powerful fan to help clear out the steam, and made sure it was wired to the light switch so they couldn't do a day's worth of power showering with it off."
"Uh-hu," Duke agreed. "It'll be like one of 'em motels. Go for a midnight leak, and everyone's kept awake for an hour by the running jet engine next door."
The otter turned, a scowl on his face only for him to pause. "Yeah… That might be a problem…"
"How about fitting them with a moisture sensor or something," Conway suggested. "So it only comes on when there's steam to pull out?"
The otter paused, rubbing his chin. "There's an idea… Not sure how to make it work though, or…"
"The important thing," the badger said, "is that we're doing stuff. We're showing we're not these passive clients the other forces want us to be. We're actively going out and doing stuff. And if we're ambitious, if we fail sometimes… Of course they'll sneer, nit-pick, criticise us and paint us as idiots. After all, we should be smart enough to know we should rely fully on them, our moral and intellectual 'superiors' to give us what we need. Be it housing, medicines that do more harm than good, or their poisonous junk food… But the point is, we don't need them."
"Dude…" They turned back to see one of the yaks smiling. Holding his hoof to his head, he waved it out and off. "Emancipate ourselves from mental slavery…"
"Exactly," the badger agreed, turning to the otter. "We…"
"-None but ourselves can free our minds…"
"Right, right…"
"-Have no fear of atomic energy…"
"-Of course, the entire opposition to that in the green movement is…"
"-Cause none of them can stop the time…"
The wheelchair bound mustelid was left scratching his head, as Robin came in. "I think he's just sharing his love of Bob Margay there…"
"-One love! -One heart! Let's get together and feeeeeeeellll alright."
"We'll, uh, sort out a community entertainment program moving on," the badger surmised. "Down the list, but you might get a place there." With that he turned back to the sea otter. "Anyway…"
"-Wuh-wuh-wuwwu…"
All eyes lingered on the yak, eyes closed as he grooved left and right, humming to himself.
"Anyway, all ideas, ideas. Anything else?"
"Yeah," the otter continued. "We're putting together large sheltered canopies to hang and dry clothing under, even in the winter months. And for those without balconies, fixing the windows so they can actually be opened up enough for the residents to reach their stuff."
"Which means the housing mammals will go screaming out about how a little kid might jump out and get 'emselves killed," Duke shrugged.
"If the parents are stupid enough to let that happen, that ain't our fault," the otter said, stomping his foot. "This whole idiot proofing is what got us into this mess."
"Yeah, but again… If they have a problem with that," the badger said. "Give us time and help to make something that makes us all happy, or just deal with it. What they going to do to us, huh?"
"Uh," one of the younger pigs said. "Throw you all out?"
There was a long pause.
"-I mean, with all you've done already without them giving the get go, I'm pretty sure they're gonna do it anyway…"
A slow chuckle came across the room, all eyes turning to Shenzi. "I'd like to see 'em try."
"Yeah," Conway agreed. "If they don't want us helping ourselves, fine. We don't need them. We'll declare independence."
"They don't like my inventions of peace, they'll get my inventions of war," the sea otter threatened.
"And, once we have most of the mammals here on their side, I'd like to see them try something. Which is why we need to get them all on our side first," the badger agreed. "Then we can hold our own. And, if they want helpless mammals… They'll get them. We're not here to support parasites, scroungers and dead weights after all. If they can't contribute, those mammals can get them and deal with them just as they want."
Rounds of agreement went up, Duke among them as he paused, looking up at Robin and Little John. Finally, the fox spoke. "If you want that to be the case, make sure you have some press mammals there too."
A few of them looked over, not seeming so convinced.
"-A long time ago, I knew another mammal trying to make a stand against corrupt locals. Trying to empower his congregation. They occupied this old abandoned school site, turned it into fields and allotments. Now they made sure the press knew that if it was coming back as a school again or being used for something, they'd give up the land. They just wanted the chance to harvest it first. But, the big rich greedy mayor in charge didn't want them independent. He wanted them paying their wages into his cronies and friends who owned the local big box stores. So he sent the cops of all mammals in to clear them out. A few cameras and sympathetic press on the side though and…" The fox smiled. "Lost the battle, but won the war."
"Good thinking, good thinking," Conway agreed, a few mammals nodding in agreement. "But we need to speak plainly and clearly. They want their elites thinking of us as dumb hicks, idiots."
"Yeah," Shenzi muttered. "All while crowing on about how the real revolution will be the same thing, just their little rainbow party full of sensitive little cultured clever clogs instead."
A round of utterances and agreements went up around the room, the badger turning back to the sea otter. "Have you thought about air exchange units?"
"Huh?"
"Basically just a set of pipes, you draw in fresh air one way through half, expel stale wet air through the other… All the heat gets transferred across."
"I…" he began. "Not sure I could make that."
"We could look on the internet for them, they're what let bunnies build their burrows so deep in the first place," he explained. "I actually looked into them when I was thinking of making my own sett, off the grid once. Then again, we evolved to be underground, to sleep with air with higher CO2 concentrations along with earth next to and around us, so I'm not sure fresh air at night is all that it's cracked up to be. For my and your species, of course." He gestured at himself and Robin, the fox putting his paws up.
"Hey, apart from living in a hole, what can you do?"
"I sleep with a mask on, filter air through a homemade box of soil and fresh crushed gravel from the mountains," he explained. "-Also sleep under a duvet filled with high quality soil. -Not the stuff plucked from a farmers field or anything, high quality taken from a national park. Rich in magnesium, iron and other mafic minerals, to help reflect a high amount of magnetism back into my body. -I could set you up with a supplier if you like."
"I'm good, I'm good," Robin smiled, looking on as they all began to discuss other matters. Some mammals went off to do some jobs while, finding the time, Robin, Little John and Duke walked out onto a back balcony to discuss things in private.
"Three," the weasel muttered under his breath. "Two…"
"Well," Robin surmised. "That badger was…"
"One."
"Interesting."
"Way to mince the faint praise there, big hero."
The fox looked down at the weasel, paws out. "I mean, he is showing himself as somewhat of a leader. But you have to admit… Geographically deterministic species diets? Soil filtered nighttime air? High magnesium soil bed sheeting?"
"An' if he was into crystals and dreamcatchers and non-gluten organic diets and all, it would be cutey… And inspiring… Right?"
"Fine," Robin said, rolling his eyes. "Fine, okay… But still…"
"But still what?" Duke asked. "He's doing something, he's organising these mammals, heck they're going out, solving their problems, trying to not only improve their lives, but the lives of others and…"
"With conditions," Robin pointed out. "You have to work too, to prove your work. If not, you're thrown on the scrap heap. And how long until he might, say, start getting other people to do this diet thing, or making others sleep under heavy soil blankets?"
"Well ones like the sea otter and Jesus wouldn't be," Duke began, before the weasel paused, beginning to giggle.
"What?" the fox asked, as Little John began laughing too. "What?"
"He's an arboreal mammal, right?" the bear began. "And so, in keeping with his species, he'd be sleeping up a tree, right?"
"Right," the fox agreed, nodding as a small smile grew on his face. "And I mean, I like that they are doing something, they are going out there, doing stuff…" He paused looking down at his feet. "I think I asked, lamented more like, about how we seemed to help and help mammals, but they didn't seem able to help themselves. And this guy has worked out how…"
"They're giving them a fish, teaching them to fish, then telling them it's up to them to fish," the bear agreed. "And they are getting together, working together, to do stuff…"
"Yeah," Duke agreed. "It's 'the collective! Tee-Em!' You're all over that, you lot, aren't you? The collective and collective thinking will save us, so say all the books I was so bored in jail I actually read. Well, there you go. Be happy! You got exactly what you wished for."
"Not quite exactly…" The fox said, waving his paw.
"You're just never happy, are you?" the weasel muttered, paws on his hips. "No wonder you lot never win or get anywhere. You want this big 'collective' messiah to come and save you, no need to explain why, just that the bad people have stopped everyone from joining together with their evil individualism, and you're the hero they'll join up under and follow! And yer standing there, lightning pounding all around, cackling like Dr Frankenschwein as you bring your new and improved 'super collective' back to life. With all these little bits of other collective sewn and stapled together. And you're like… -IT'S ALIVE, IT'S… AH GOD, WHAT MONSTER HAVE I CREATED, EW, EW -BANG, BANG, BANG!"
Duke blew a finger gun and put it away. "'Ooopsie, that wasn't quite right. But remember folks, the collective is always better, the collective will save us, let's try again! Try two-hundred and thirty three, the one that will actually work, I promise. Number two-hundred and thirty three, electric zippadee!"
"I mean, okay, being constructive here," the fox said. "There are big and clear flaws. For a start, they're these big 'WE ARE PREDS' mammals, trying to organise and build up this part of town. But what happens if they come into conflict with another group from another part. Maybe some 'WE ARE PREY' mammals. I'm sure we'd all see the issue with a bunch of 'WE ARE SHEEP' mammals, nobody would support them, am I right? And what if lots of the mammals in this place here don't like what they're doing. Get annoyed. They said it themselves, 'don't like it, leave it.' You don't have to be a cynic to see that these guys, however good their intentions, might start harming people. Excluding people. Scaring people. I mean, this could turn into something good. Just as well, we might be seeing a new mob organisation breathing in its first breaths. You know how the Big family started, right?"
"No, but I guess it was something like this or so you'll say," Duke huffed. "So, Mr Perfect ain't good enough. How exactly would you collectivise these fine mammals in your ideal world or something, without making them, or another, bunch of mammals the baddies?"
"Well I mean there are baddies," Little John said.
"And they are?"
You know…" Robin began, rolling his paw, Little John filling in what his partner left unspoken.
"The good poor guys versus the corrupt rich dirtbags."
"And who are the corrupt rich dirtbags here?" the weasel followed on.
"It's obvious," the fox said, gesturing over to the big city towers in the background. "Loxy for a start. Then the jerks not paying their taxes, the mammals who earn more in a day than any of these guys earn in a year, corrupt politicians and…"
"-An' history shows your mammals always keep focussed on those mammals and don't attack the guy who owns a shop or something down there," Duke smiled, crossing his paws. "Heck, the thugs who break into these shop and trash up the place are the good poor guys too, not their fault they're picking on a store, just self expression! Next time I go in front of a judge I can totally use that one."
"-I guessed you were going to object, and yes, people can lose sight of the target. So, fair point there. But the point of lots of little mammals joining together is that they're strong enough to take on the few big ones with lots of power. Without that, the few big ones can divide and conquer, running roughshod over the little guys. And I fear this pred, prey, thing… Might just end up doing that. At the end of the day we're just ordinary mammals."
"Not so innocent mammals," Little John added.
"Yes, but the point still stands."
"Okay," the weasel said. "But we should all be proud of who we are, we should all be able to say that. That's their point, they felt like they couldn't be proud of being preds."
"And if they accept that prey can be just as proud of being prey…" Little John suggested. "That they can step out, they can lead too, they have a right to prove themselves…"
The three mammals looked at each other for a second or two. "Seems fair," Duke said.
"Yup," Robin agreed, smiling. "See, we can agree and compromise!"
"You lot just need to humble yourselves a bit."
"Maybe we all do," the bear said, looking between them. The fox and weasel nodded, Robin speaking up again. "Now, I did guess you were going to raise an objection, but not that one. I guessed you were also going to say that these mammals don't want handouts, they want to earn it, they literally said that. Right?"
"Right."
"Fair enough," Robin continued. "And while I accept that doing it all themselves for now is empowering and does have its benefits, hopefully going on they'll realise there are more corrupt barriers set up to keep them down, and that they could reach much further if they made things fairer. So they'll start to understand this perspective and come to these conclusions and in doing so, they'll be removing and clearing barriers for others too. If they understand the need to share their progress, clearing the path…"
"Icebreaking through," Little John suggested, Robin nodding along.
"Yup, Icebreaking through, all the better! And good news, what they're doing now is a step forward…"
"So maybe have faith they'll keep stepping forward and reach where you want?" Duke asked. "Ah, the miracle of patience. Might have made your life easier earlier, mightn't it?"
"Maybe," Robin agreed.
"-You know," Little John cut in. "One of them, a while back, talked about what he called luxury beliefs. That it's social elites they hate for doing feel good happy policies, as they do these things with positives that outweigh the negatives for them, but it's the opposite for these guys. Maybe we've been putting the cart before the horse all this time…"
"-Nice stereotyping there," the weasel sniggered.
"My bad," the bear muttered. "But still, maybe you have to make people richer and self-reliant first and that gets us the egalitarian politics, not you get the egalitarian politics and that makes them richer and self-reliant…"
"-Oooh, I know this one," Duke said, clicking his fingers, eyes closed. "It was some sloth or somethin'... -Masloths hierarchy of needs, right?"
"-Maxslows," Robin corrected.
"Right, important thing is I got the species. But yeah, that one."
"Eh. Kind of…" Little John agreed. "Now I see the problems and risks with all this stuff going on just like Robin here. Favouritism, unaccountability, potential for abuse. Yeah, there are tons of issues. But right now those are all way out over there and these things can make their lives better, or feel better, right here and now."
"So you're saying all those years before we were being too ambitious?" Robin asked.
"Eh, maybe too impatient, or lacking in faith, I'm not sure."
"I'm sure that as I despaired at how long it was taking, that bit of knowledge would be a real relief," the fox snarked.
"And don't forget that I think we agreed we didn't get all this quite right the first time," Little John pointed out. "Need to tell mammals how to fish and get 'em doing it and all."
"Right, right," the fox nodded. "Forgot about that. And, while we're there, let's not forget the main reason we got involved with these mammals in the first place. I haven't."
"Nope," the bear sighed. "Neither have I."
All as Robin glanced over at Duke. "And while we've certainly distracted and empowered them, they still seem somewhat interested in these drop-things Loxy and co are doing. If anything, I worry that we're just making his weapons stronger. But… I'll have faith. We're making progress, gaining trust, and the more they see, feel, understand, think… Fingers crossed they will start peeling away."
"Slowly but surely," the bear said, nodding.
"And I suppose, if we do that, we encourage them to go out, do stuff, build themselves out… That's a good legacy isn't it?" Robin said. "We did something good, not perfect yes, but something we can proudly put our names under."
"Yup," Duke smiled, walking up and patting Robin on the shin. "Robin in'da Hood. Down in the history books, inventor of cuddly fascism."
The vulpine rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna play your game…"
"No, I'm serious," the weasel smiled. "You saw that back there, wheelchair guy grabbing those straws. Strong, together…"
"Same for any collective group."
"Yeah, but those straws… Look kinda like sticks. Add a fancy little axe to this side, I think it looks pretty neat, huh."
"I'm not playing your game," the fox said in a sing-song voice. "La la la, don't play chess with pigeons, they toss the pieces everywhere and poop on the board…."
"And yeah, we all know what the F word actually looks like, right," the bear said.
"Oh yeah, define it?" the weasel said.
"Well, you know. Big majority, enforcing their will, violence as a means to an end. Power. Embracing a cult of tradition and disdaining the arts and stuff."
"I mean, Preds seem like the majority in this area," the weasel mused. "Enforcing their will, violence, power… Kinda saw bits of that there. Oooh, and what's more a cult of tradition than celebrating our animal brains and primeval diet."
"Well okay, yeah, but… You know what fascism is when you see it."
"Yeah, but this is cuddly fascism," the weasel smirked. "Or fascial democracy. You pick the name, your honour."
"Yeah, but these are underdogs, and fascism is a very clear thing," Robin said, "that this thing isn't."
"And socialism ain't just when the government do stuff. Okay, consider this," the small mustelid carried on. "Let's say you have a big fascist organisation. Blackshirts, attack the press, big displays of power and smashing up the protestors and stuff. But, what if you keep all the means and stuff the same, but just change the end. So you get all the same stuff going on, but in defense of the femboy foxes and all the guys coming in who don't speak the language. Still the same, am I right?"
"I mean," Robin began, before shaking his head. "You know that wouldn't work, right?"
"Entertain me," the weasel smiled. "Presume it did."
"Well okay, maybe, hypothetically, yes, but it wouldn't come about. Fascism doesn't work like that. Fascism is… Well at its heart you could describe it as legitimised mob rule…"
"Funny," the weasel smirked. "Didn't you say these guys had a lot of risk becoming the mob or something?"
"Okay, yes, but it's a clear, if highly contradicting, self-serving political system. Power for powers sake above all else."
"And a bunch of mammals like you wanting all the little guys going out to get their fair share of power and being in control of their lives, yet all the time yipping at your ideological heel ain't?" Duke smirked.
Robin shook his head slightly, leaning back and glancing up at Little John. The bear looked back. "You know he's trolling you, right."
"Yeah, but I still want to try and win this."
"In any case," the bear said. "I thought you liked these guys. What's the deal, trying to say it's the big bad F thing."
"Hey, whenever mammals say they don't like the big bad S word, you all go 'hey, but there's tons of big good S word as well, that's what we want.' Who's to say there's not a big good F word as well, and we all are the proud founders of it?"
"Ah, well the S word at its heart is about getting a fair share of power," Robin began. "Not all of it or too much."
"He's trolling you," Little John sung.
"I know," Robin began.
"Ah, the little street hustler who spent ages reading books in the prison library out of sheer boredom don't have a point to make?"
"Which is?"
"We might have just rehabilitated fascism into a nice cuddly form."
The two larger mammals chuckled.
"-First they laugh at you," the weasel began, listing off one finger on a paw.
"Well, maybe it's not our form of socialism, social democracy or whatever," Robin began. "But it's not also this corrupted, crony, save everything for yourself reactionary capitalism that, ultimately, was at the heart of all fascist regimes."
"Okay," Duke smiled, nodding. "Got me there. It's almost this… Hmmm, not the first or the second, but this… This third way of doing things. Funny that, I swear I've heard that before."
The fox and bear pair groaned, Little John stepping forward. "Okay then genius, how do you define fascism. Or is it just 'everything Rob and I don't like."
The weasel smiled. "It's an evolution of the old feudal system, only updated for the modern industrial age! Back in ye olden days, the peasants and mammals lower in the hierarchy pledged loyalty to a lord of sorts in return for the right to work land, protection and support in times of danger and need, the lords and knights having the same thing going on with the barons, and them with the king! And today, it's the workers and tradespeople, pledging support both materially and ideologically to a higher up mammal with whom they share an identity or heritage, who in return grants out the rights to areas of the economy, industry, etcetera, to those loyal or supportive of them, or takes from them in case of disloyalty… -Ta-da!"
The fox and bear pair looked at each other, turning back to the weasel. "Okay," Robin said, rubbing a finger under his muzzle. "Certainly a good one…"
"Thank some random book I read when I was real bored, and remembered as finishin' that quote meant I missed the last frickin' taco on Taco Tuesday! Thank you!"
"-First off, I find it amusing that I can't tell if you were reading that book in school, or they had Taco Tuesday in jail. And I suppose it does allow your weird thought experiment of progressive fascism…"
"And with our badger guy, by popular call, our lord, with his various knights and lords gathering their prey followers… -Oh, and you two putting the true and righteous king back in place," Duke said, waggling his eyebrows.
"I…" Robin began.
"I mean," Little John followed.
They looked at each other, the fox eventually sighing. "Fine, you win," he shrugged. "They're fascist, we're fascist, we invented 'nice' fascism. Wooooo…"
"-Nah," Duke said, smirking. "They're actually most akin to the anarchist syndicalist collectives of revolutionary Gatolonia, bunch of armed factory workers running their factory or farm together or something. Who, incidentally, are the fellas most guys on your side claim is the time everything was done right and it can work! -Before the F guys destroyed it, of course."
Robin and Little John looked on, the larger of the pair turning to the former. "I told you he was trolling us."
"That you did," the fox smirked. "Well done, Duke." He clapped his paw a few times. "Well done."
"-Nah," Duke said. "What I have actually done is prove that the best of the F guys and best of the S guys are literally the same, or their differences are so small it doesn't matter at all… -Also making how both hate each other even funnier. -Anyway, as a result of this, you guys are standing in the presence of Duke Weaselton, greatest political thinker in Zootopian history! Ta-Da!"
Paws out wide, he turned and started boogying on the spot, eyes closed and happily humming 'we are the champions'.
Robin could only look on and shake his head. "Okay, well done… He really is a master jerk, isn't he John. John?"
"No no," the bear said, looking down. "He's got a point."
Robin broke into a chuckle, glancing away and shaking his head. Only to pause as he looked up, ears going back at the thoughtful look on the bear, and the increasing laughter of the weasel.
"-Dr Weaselton, Dr Wealeston," he sang to himself. "Move over dodgy car dealerships, I don't need a medical degree from a totally legit university either! The world's kidneys are safe from my surgical chainsaw! I! AM! DR! WEASELTON! MASTER! PHILOSEPHEEEEEEERRRRRRR!"
He sunk to his knees, paws up, smirking, and then jumped out of the way to dodge an apple core thrown from a neighbouring balcony. Which then bounced off the wall behind him and clocked him on his head. "Hey!"
Robin and Little John turned, the latter bringing up a paw and waving. "Hi Ellen."
The she-wolf on the neighbouring balcony frowned. "Tell the loser he isn't a philosopher, he's an idiot. -And still a loser. But mostly an idiot like all the other ones you get on TV or Ewetube or anywhere. Who he makes look good in comparison."
"Ah, with idiots like me," the weasel only smiled, punting the apple core back. "Who needs 'experts' anyhow."
She caught it. "What did that even achieve?" she huffed, turning and walking back in. "Still a loser…"
Duke just shrugged as she left. "Eh, just projection. She's the real idiot and loser."
"Who knows," Robin said. "Anyway, you keep doing you. Marian and I will keep working against our enemies… -Who are moving against the ZPD as we speak, I'll need to fill you in. There'll be other mammals we need to reach out too. But we made a start here, we keep at it, we might…"
The door to the balcony slammed open, Conway rushing out. "Guys, get inside. Big news just hit!"
The trio glanced at each other before racing back in.
