22 December 1977
Remus,
I've never really been a pen pal type of person. Or—it would be "pen friend" in the UK, right? But if anyone could get me into it, it would be you. I mean that you're very inspiring, in many ways. I've never found it difficult to write an essay, but clearly I'm struggling with beginning a friendly letter!
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that you were right. About Hogwarts. I don't think I've ever felt more at home anywhere—not at Ilvermorny, not in the U.S., not in my own home. Which is not to say that I had a bad time in any of those places. It's just that I think I'm starting to understand what home really feels like; and I feel it best when I'm with you. With all of you, of course. What would my first term at Hogwarts have been like without the three of you? Boring, I'm sure. And pretty lonely; because even though there are plenty of nice students, there's no one quite like you.
You three, I mean. I miss you so much, it feels like too much for having only been apart for just over a week. And, as I've been keeping track of the moon phases ever since I found out—I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I wish I could Apparate to your side and watch over you during the full moon, so you wouldn't have to endure a difficult Christmas night by yourself. I'd fly to you, if I could. I actually considered delivering this letter to you myself, but it's a bit heavy for me, so I should probably leave it to my owl.
I want to be there for you, always, Remus. In whatever ways you'll have me; because I care about you with my whole heart. My favorite things are doing homework with you, catching your eye when James and Sirius do something ridiculous, exploring the castle together, and making sure you've eaten enough on the mornings after you've fallen ill.
You are my favorite person—don't tell the others I said that. Sirius would complain for weeks. Also, I've made you a little something, as a gift. I'll have it waiting for you when we return from break. Please don't feel embarrassed or obligated to get me something—giving gifts is my love language, and it makes me happy. It makes me happy to see you happy.
I hope I haven't been too forward. I just want you to know that you're important to me.
Merry (Happy) Christmas,
Melody
27 December 1977
My dear Melody,
Thank you for your letter. I am so glad to have heard from you. Thinking about you always makes my heart feel a little lighter.
Happy (Merry) Christmas to you as well. I received your letter on Christmas Eve, and it was the best gift of the year. I apologize for not having responded sooner. As you know, the full moon fell on Christmas day this year. I hope that your holidays are filled with all the joy and love you deserve. Believe me when I say you deserve only goodness.
Hogwarts is my home, too; in many ways. But even moreso... You have become someone I feel I always want to return to. I can only hope that I have not pulled you down into the depths of the battle that is mine to fight. There will always be a tether between me and the darkness, and you belong in the sunshine, spreading your scarlet wings as you soar through clear blue skies.
You say I inspire you. That I am your favorite person, that I am important in your heart. But, Melody, I've been keeping something from you this whole time—a bigger secret than my illness. And that makes me a worse, weaker man than you deserve. You should have someone whole, someone who does not have a "furry little problem," as James might say; and someone who will be truthful to you from the moment you meet.
I've been lying to myself, too. Telling myself that it doesn't hurt every time Sirius puts his arm around your shoulder, or when James hugs you excitedly after a match, or when some other student keeps his eyes fixed on you as you glide effortlessly through the halls. And yet I've resisted almost every moment that brings me close enough to touch you; because I haven't been strong enough to say what I feel. To say what I wanted to say the night of the Christmas party.
If I were to allow myself to touch you for too long, I would never be able to let you go.
Now who's been too forward? Please don't let yourself be troubled by my ramblings. Now that I've released what I was holding back, I fear I've probably only made you more confused. I won't resent you if you just forget everything I've written. It would be easier that way.
I wish you were here, too. I've come to realize that, even though I retain no memories when I transform, I can recall a certain scent. Sweet, light, fresh. Delicate but not weak—just like you. Maybe it calms me when I'm in pain. I am always calmer when you're near.
I hope the new year brings you everything you desire.
Yours,
Remus
31 December 1977
Remus...
The only thing I desire for the new year is your happiness.
Melody
