Shikadai had no idea when or why his relationship with Sarada had gone bad. At first he thought she'd learned about his missteps, but it wasn't that. Work piled up, the Hokage leaned on her even more each day, and with the general mess they had to deal with, there was no hope for a break. She'd been busy of course, and irritable. And now she was clearly avoiding him. At some point he'd just taken his clue and left her alone : she probably had no time to spare for telling him to fuck off. Shikadai thought he could live with it, that working with her and being her friend would be enough, but after a few months of that cold shoulder treatment it was harder than ever to see her stroll around in the Hokage's office.
The Elders had finally given in and agreed with the Hokage that she was the most capable for the job. Of course it had helped that Kakashi rooted for her as well. Out of some fancy of hers, she'd discarded her cute clothing for an austere kimono in the Uchiha colors which added ten years to her twenties. Sometimes it was like she was a whole different person. He'd learned she was now living on her own, and Shikadai couldn't help but wonder if she was seeing someone else.
They experienced a hellish summer, half cooped up in the Hokage's office, half running around the borderlands, fighting desperately for every bit of intel, hoping to turn the tides before open war ended on their doorstep. Sarada had become a hard woman, haughty and pale, hollowed cheeks and a burning energy that kept her working around the clock. Shikadai could only worry for her. Even Cho-cho had complained they rarely had time to meet. Sarada seemed to live in war times already so that everyone else in Konoha could enjoy some peace.
So when autumn came and people started to whisper that the Elders had finally settled for a Hachidaime, everyone held their breath, watching her from afar. The official announcement didn't even seem to please her. Puzzled, Shikadai saw her bow slightly, stiff, and remembered the lively girl that cheered loudly only a few years ago when she'd been made the Hokage's help. Discussing it with Sakura only made it worse.
- She tells me she's happy, but I never see her smile anymore. Hell, she looks like her father, and it frightens me.
Rain was threatening that day, but finally the clouds went away and everyone gathered to see Sarada become Konohagakure's new Hokage. The dark robes she'd put on top of her red and blue yukata made her look like an actual shadow of herself, and she didn't even manage a smile while people cheered her. Two steps behind her, Shikadai could see how tense she was, and he knew Sakura could feel it too. But everyone else was happy, and as the delegation started to file down the roof, Sarada followed. Shikadai had been watching her back for months, and was the first to notice the red imprints her minute steps left on the paving.
- Sarada ?
His panicked voice caught her attention even in the middle of the loud congratulations and she looked at his pale face before following his sight. She cringed in a painful expression and put her hand to her waist. With no idea what instinct had pushed him to act, Shikadai ran the few steps that separated him from her wavering form and caught her before she fainted. Sakura was already at his side.
- Careful, get her out of this stupid robe. she instructed.
Blood was pooling around her innate form and a chill silence had spread. Someone took upon himself to clear the place of gawkers and quickly there was only Shikadai and Sakura tending to Sarada, and Naruto anxiously watching them. Sakura angrily tore the robe away and caught Sarada's obi, but suddenly she froze.
- What… ? Shikadai started.
Bewildered, he watched as Sakura slipped her hand between her daughter's thighs, only to get it back dripping with blood. Quickly monitoring her, she called for Naruto with an imperative wave of her hand.
- She's having a miscarriage. Help me get her to the hospital.
Both men looked at her as if she'd gone mad, turned to stone.
- We can discuss later how blind we've been for not noticing it sooner, but right now I need you to get your shit together or she'll die.
Sarada only regained consciousness as they placed her carefully on a hospital bed, and she was clearly in pain, clutching her belly. Sakura was trying to have her speak but she would tell nothing. Getting nowhere, she just slapped her daughter.
- I'm sorry, but you'll have to push, it's too late now. she snapped.
In all that mess, everyone had forgotten about Shikadai. The Hokage had fled at the first opportunity but the young Nara couldn't get himself to move. They've been trained to fight and accept death all their lives, but now that he was seeing her emptying her veins on the white sheets while shouting as if tortured, he understood living was way more difficult than dying. It seemed to go on forever and even the mighty Sakura couldn't do much to help her own daughter. Sarada's voice was raw from too much shouting and she would let no one touch her. And when finally she stopped, panting, a deep silence spread in the room. Sakura quickly gathered the little form in a blanket and started working frantically, but she was crying and an earth shaking terror grasped Shikadai. Finally catching her breath, Sarada started shouting again.
- Give her to me !
There was no telling if it was seconds or hours that passed but finally Sakura's shoulders sagged, defeated, and she wrapped the baby in its blanket and walked to her daughter.
- I'm so sorry, Sarada. There was nothing to be done, she was too weak.
- Satsuki…
Caught up in his own sorrow, Shikadai didn't notice it immediately, but soon the pressure that was building in the room threatened to take his breath away. Looking up, he saw red tears running down Sarada's cheeks, staining the white sheets even more. And when Sarada opened her eyes it was nothing that he'd ever seen. No one had ever documented such a Sharingan.
Quick thinking, Sakura took a needle and injected some sedative in Sarada's arm. Soon the pressure decreased and Shikadai was able to move again. Getting closer, he took Sakura's elbow.
- What was that ?
- No idea. she retorted, carefully taking the dead baby from her daughter's arms. But now I need to save my daughter's life, so please let me work.
Numbed, Shikadai could only take the little corpse away from Sakura. Getting out in the corridor, he sat down on a chair and looked at the tiny thing in his arms. For the first time he understood what being alone really meant. The cold and empty corridor was a fine match for the hollowness he felt inside. Frail and limp, her skin a weird shade of blue and a shock of dark spider web hair. Somehow he imagined her growing up to become a cute child, a lively girl, a wonderful woman, knowing all those possible futures turned to ashes.
It might have been hours later, but he was slowly made aware of his surroundings by a gentle rocking. Looking up, he met the Hokage's concerned look. Deep sorrow was painted on Naruto's honest face. He seemed about to talk, but then the emergency room's door opened to let Sakura out. She was covered in blood, exhausted and anxious, but somehow managed to keep it together, which amazed Shikadai. Sarada's strength of character suddenly made more sense. Sakura gave the young man a hard look and he knew he couldn't bail now.
- You're the father, aren't you ?
- I'm not sure…
- I am. I can't see Sarada dating someone else.
Maybe her conviction came from the fact that she'd only loved one man her whole life, but to Shikadai it was no proof her daughter would be the same.
- It's been months she's avoiding me. Still, how could we not notice ?
- From what I gathered, she'd been using her Sharingan way too much.
- Genjutsu, eh ? Naruto threw in.
- Sarada barely made it. I had to sedate her, and I plan on letting her rest for a couple days at least.
Sakura and Naruto exchanged a look that said a thousand things in a second. Shikadai's attention was drawn again to the babe in his arms.
- You should rest now, Shikadai. Sakura managed in a sigh.
- No. I've got a funeral to take care of.
Sakura seemed struck by lightning all of a sudden. He'd noticed how she avoided looking at the bundle. Of course she needed to be sharp to care for her daughter, now was not the time to crumble down. Meeting her eyes, Shikadai found a grim resolve.
- Uchiha… Satsuki ? That's how she called her ?
A single tear ran down Sakura's cheek and she nodded before turning her back on him.
- I'm counting on you, Shikadai.
From time to time, in those weird depressive moods that sometimes took his fancy, Shikadai had wondered how he'd react if his father would die as Shikaku had when Shikamaru was young. He'd never imagined there was a crueler fate than losing someone you'd known all your life. Dressed in black, breathing the incense, he now understood losing someone you'd never get the chance to know was way worse.
He'd wanted it to be a private thing, and since it was so short notice, only Sakura and his father were at his side. Shikadai was glad for this, for he felt no one would have really understood what this was all about. Afterward, he trailed back to the hospital, to Sarada's bedside, only to find out she was finally awake. Sat in her bed, her back rigid, she was looking out the window and didn't turn when he walked in then sat down. Since it appeared she would not talk, he leaned with his elbows on his knees and put his hands to his lips.
- I buried Satsuki today.
- I know.
He'd wanted to say more, but the door opened to let Sakura in. She startled upon noticing that Shikadai had beaten her to her daughter's side, but still closed the door and went to them.
- How do you feel ? she asked in a clinical tone.
- My sight defocuses sometimes. But I don't think it's bad. I can see… other things.
- Any pains ? Sakura cut short.
- Everywhere. she smirked acidly.
- Ok, I need to talk to you.
Sakura pointedly looked at Shikadai, waiting for him to leave, but Sarada had another opinion.
- Let him stay.
- As you wish. she sighed. You nearly died from this, Sarada. And the overload of your dôjutsu put a tremendous stress on your body. There is no easy way to say this, but you will not be able to bear another child.
It was as if the ground suddenly disappeared under Shikadai's feet, swallowing him entirely. Looking at Sarada's profile, he could notice no change in her expression. Did she somehow knew already ? Hiding his face in his hands, he couldn't believe this was happening. Was this how the Uchiha line would end ? By his fault ?
- Rest now. I will come back later to explain in more detail.
Since she got no answer, Sakura just left, her eyes filled with sorrow and compassion. Spilling from his mouth before he could have the wit to think twice, Shikadai blurted out.
- Sarada, please marry me.
That made her turn around alright, eyes wide. She was so pale and gaunt ! A semblance of life seemed to come back to her in the form of anger.
- You heard her ! she shouted.
- I don't care. I love you. This is all my fault… If I just had the courage to beg you to stay with me…
- It's too late.
- I won't promise I'll make it up to you… I know I can't. But there's no one else I want to be with and I know I can't live on without you.
Tears filled her eyes and after the longest silence ever, she finally nodded. Grabbing her sheets, she started to rise from her bed.
- What are you doing ?
- If you want to do this, we're doing it now.
- A hospital shirt for a wedding dress, it's indeed original. he managed to smile.
- Right. she frowned, thinking hard. Go to my mother's office, there's a locker where she keeps spare clothes.
Later, sharing a cup of sake with his wife in front of a terrified priest, Shikadai thought he'd picked just the right clothes. Hanging in the locker, an old battered shirt with the Uchiha crest was gathering dust : wrapping Sarada's aching body in the oversized garment, Shikadai thought it was a fitting dress for the first and last Uchiha Hokage.
Looking straight in her husband's eyes, Sarada was still trying to get used to that strange new sight that imposed itself to her. Dipping her lips in the sake, she suddenly got a glimpse of something other than moving shadows : Shikadai was not looking at her anymore, but was smiling at a happy healthy child sitting in his lap. The vision faded as soon as she blinked, but the emotion that went with it stayed with her. She could feel it : this was the beginning of something new entirely, and she intended on chasing it.
