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Alina
Aleksander's demeaner eased after a moment. Like, he was debating with himself, before curling his lips in a snarl. Deciding that he was still deeply frustrated, flickering his eyes over her crumpling naked form.
Alina just rocked back and forth on the bed impatiently, her knees still clutched tightly to her breast. Trying to cover as much as possible, despite knowing it was useless. Mentally, begging him to ask the question, so she could finally get dressed.
A few angry, stray tears falling down, patchy red cheeks. Puffiness, curving around large doe-like, amber. While her fists began absently scrubbing then away, waiting for his questioning to begin.
But her pesky tears still poured down, mixing with greasy strains, of messy curls. Her baby hairs, clinging to her damp skin. Raining down, in contrast to her now annoyed expression. Bouncing thoughts, back and forth in her mind, along with her rocking. Wanting it all to go away, just for a moment of peace.
Predatory dark eyes, almost capturing her own. Before, Aleksander swiftly snapped his head, to the side. Trying to hide his stares.
She glared, studying his expression, finding it was completely barren, of any remorse or even anger. Just cold and apathy. Flat and almost dead eyed. His velvety pale skin, like stone. As if, his features had never held an emotion at all, in the years he had lived.
Devoid, of anything.
Aleksander finally observed her out of the corner of his eye. Drinking her in like a wolf, that was planning his next meal. He turned slowly to face her, fully captured her gaze. Causing her to hold her breath, and casting her eyes down, instantly. Realizing he was fully aware of her eyes, as well.
"What do you really think of me?" His gruff voice rumbled, vibrating from stiff, perfect lips. Traveling hums, all the way down to her belly. Causing, something deep inside her, to twist and turn.
He tilted his chin upward, and turned his head to look down on her small form. She curled her arms tighter around herself, pulling her body into a sitting, fetal position. She wanted to hide from him..
"Didn't I already answer this question, before?" She whispered.
"I want the truth, this time." He looked like an angry god, looking down at her with pitiful eyes. A mere ant, in the grand scheme of things. At least, that's how she felt, with his hollow eyes.
An ant. That's all I am to this man..
Biding his time, like a kid with a magnifying glass on a sunny day. Watching, waiting, drinking his mead, until his little ant, comes out to play. Most likely, plotting her demise. Nothing on his face, but pure, hard apathy.
Scratching his jaw, he leaning against, the large armrest. Dragging dark eyes, up and down, her figure. Vapid voids, lingered against her exposed flesh.
"Well?" The room growing colder, by the second. Despite the temperature, remaining the same. It felt icy now that she knew, just how naked she really was. Unable to ignore, every breeze that flowed by, tormenting her sore flesh.
"That's a difficult question, now..." She whispered. His orbs burning into her, observing her chattering teeth. Lingering, on her lips, waiting for his answer. Eyes that held too much of a threat for her, now. But still, she refused to give in, looking at anything other than at his face. Not willing to make any kind of contact with them.
"Even more difficult to answer.." She finished, scanning the bed around her.
Of course, the blanket was gone. He must have removed it, while she was still in the dark. He wanted me to feel vulnerable.
Her sights being drawn to the wine, still spilling over the comer of the mattress, where she had dropped it, during her panic attack. Deep red, staining the blankets. Overflowing to the ground, below. Her body craving the wine more than ever, as she watched it pour across the obsidian floors.
"Thats not an answer, brat." He growled making her flinch, not daring to look up at him.
"I'm thinking.." She reasoned, but was honestly just trying to mental collect herself.
Finally, settling her sights on his hand, instead of the sad, wine display. Choosing to focusing on prominent, blue veins. That, crawled under alabaster skin. Smooth as marble, scaring around his knuckles, but practically blemish free. Perfect fingers. Every little movement the small limbs made was graceful. It made her wince that the thought, that those same hands ripped her clothing, and left her bare, alone and afraid. Those same hands that ripped away her pride.
Following down, to trimmed, rounded nails. That pointed lazily, down to the green-tinted, mead bottle. Dangling it in slow circles mindlessly. Between, his index and thumb. She focused on the slow movements, distracting herself from the horrible situation. A situation that, she had no way to escape. She tried her best, at least.
I wish this was all a bad dream..
"It didn't have to be such a difficult question. If someone didn't put their nose, where it didn't belong." Aleksander sated, pulling the bottle to his lips. He shrugged one of his capped shoulders, his loose button down shifting slightly in his movements. Speaking the harsh words, casually. He spoke the words more to himself, than even her. Not a hint of malice, just matter of fact.
"That has nothing to do with why I'm have trouble answering..." The deep pit in Alina's soul, called to her again. Tugging, at the string of her heart. She was naked and crying, in front of the one person, that she both hated and understood.
I don't want to be strong, anymore. I'm just tired.. I have no idea, if the person I've been talking to in the dark was even Aleksander or just my imagination. One is cruel, and the other is down right despicable. I don't know which to believe.
"Sure it doesn't." Aleksander cooed sarcastically. "Now, you better hurry up and answer, and stop the fake tears, before I change my mind." He added, with a swallow. A waterfall of tears streamed, from puffy amber eyes. As if, him acknowledging them, made the tears fall that much harder.
"I can send you back into the dark, if you perfer." He raised his hand, like he was about to snap his fingers.
"Wait!" She sniffled, rubbing snot from her nose. Trying to collect her words. As weeps, started to break from her caged, lungs.
"It's complicated.." She began, "I don't know, if it..-hic- ..Was really you that I've has been talking with the whole time, or..-hic-..if just it was all in my head! I'm naked..-hic-.. and I'm tired!..-hic-.." She choked out, between wretched, sobs.
"... I just don't know, okay! I don't know anything! YOU'RE SO DAMN CONFUSING AND I'M DONE. I'M JUST DONE, ALEKSANDER!"
She screamed at the top of her lungs. Till, her throat felt, dry and scratchy. Words ripping, from her vocal chords like razor blades, squeezing her eyes shut, tugging at her matted hair.
She had been reduced to nothing more, than a puddle of wheezing, weeping, blubbering mess. Melting into a pool of pillows. Falling fully into her nest if goose-down, not even bothering to shield herself. Messy hair, falling over her damp face. She didn't even care that she wasn't covered, anymore. None of it mattered, anymore.
She had been broken.
Unable to control the sobs that wrecked her. Unable to hold the confusion and bitter shame from flooding out of her. She covered her face, choose not to see, instead of dealing with her own shame. Agony filling her very bones, hating that all she could do was return back to the darkness.
Swooosh~
Then, like an answered prayer. Soft silk, embraced her.
She flinched, feeling light fabric being draping around her. She looked up, wide-eyed at a shirtless Aleksander. Wrapping his silk black shirt around her slim shoulders. She quickly pulled in on, slipping her dainty arms through the sleeves. Falling mid-thigh, over-sided and comforting. He buttoned it up for her, clearly noticing her hands trembling violently.
She took a deep breath, once it fully covered her. The silk, feeling rough after a months of being bare. Over exposed and raked over, feeling raw and abused. She was finally able to catch her thoughts. The simple black shirt liberating her from the most present anxiety.
Is it sad, that I'm not even embarrassed to cry, anymore? Or is it sadder, that I use to care at all?
She thought trying to dry her tears with the cuff of his shirt. It smelled like him. The soft scent of cloves, oak and whiskey. The sent suprisingly comforted her. She had missed his scent without realizing it.
Aleksander gracefully took his seat again. As if, nothing had happened at all. She righted herself, clearing her throat. The tears fading, only slightly. She held the collar to her chin, smelling the faint scent of smoke as well. Wiping her eyes, while Aleksander just sipped his mead, giving her time to collect her thoughts.
She eyed him, suspiciously. Holding the shirt's wingtip collar, with balled fists. Pulling it close, against her neck. Covering herself, as much as she possibility could. Without showing too much leg, either. Which was proving to be quite the challenge.
She didn't understand, why he was being so kind to her...
Didn't he hate me? Didn't he not care what happened to me?
He left her in a room for a month, to rot in the dark. Why give her the shirt off his back, out of the blue. What was he gaining from this, it didn't make sense to the worn girl.
Is he trying to manipulate me, again? Isolate. Kindness. Then, right back to isolation. Repeat following steps as necessary? What's his goal?
"Thank you.." She mumbled, not knowing what else to say. How else to react.
"Didn't do it for you." Aleksander grumbled, under an annoyed sigh. Racking irrigated fingers, though his silky, ruffled locks. Smoothing them against his skull, rosy upper lip twitching. Like, he was mad at himself for even giving his shirt away in the first place. He crossed his arms over his strong, chest with a grunt, is abs stiff, still clearly on edge.
"I did it so you'd shut up and just answer the damn question."
"Can't really do both…"
"Just answer the question, Alina. Remember if you lie, There will be a punishment." He grunted, taking another sip of his mead, as he sunk further in his seat. "My patience is running thin."
"I don't know.." She exhaled long and slow, glancing around the room. She wanted to be honest with him, but didn't know how. She had so many conflicting emotions. Especially, at a time like this.
"Thats not good enough." He hissed.
What does he want from me? He does random acts of kindness, in the midst of his own cruelty. When it came to the darkling, everything was contradictory. She thought she hated him.
But can you ever really hate someone that you, yourself understand?
She wasn't sure, if her feels about him, were as simple, as she once thought. She knew she had to say something though. Before he really did start to get angry…
She sat crisscross directly across from him. Hugging the shirt tightly to her frame. Trying to work up the nerve to speak. Before narrowing her eyes, in a fixed glare. Aleksander flicked his fingers at her. Rotating, them in circles. His special way of alerting her, that she need to hurry up.
"I hate you, but…" She sputtered-out hesitantly, feeling his beady gaze lingering, once again on her lips.
The word, tumbled through the room, clumsily. Hitting Aleksander right in the face. Tipped his head back, reflexively. He grimaced at her words. One eye squinting. He furrowed his brows, and pinched his lips in a tight line.
"I also kind of don't. I want to understand you." She added quickly, in fear of retaliation. "It's mixed..."
Turning his face away, looking almost wounded, continuing to nod. Staring off into the distance. Before, quickly blinking away the expression.
She groaned. Not knowing how to put thought, into word. Drooping her head, fiddling with a loose button on the hem of his black, dress shirt.
"I thought you were cruel and heartless." She contenued weakly. "The darkling was my reason for not runaway with Mel. For staying at that damn orphanage for so long. I blamed everything on my own fear of you.." She clicked her tongue struggling to find her words. Aleksander just listened, watching her from the corner of his eyes.
"…Imaginary foggy, evil man. Old, terrifying and all-knowing. The stories that I grew up with all told of this… Monster." He flinched again at the word, making her clear her throat nerviously, before starting again.
"Monster that, lived in the woods and tricked little girls. Everything that I hated and feared growing up. Was the Darkling and this forest. Then, all of this happened and…" She signed, rolling her eyes over the room, gazing at the now, almost empty room.
"And, what? Your nightmares came true?" He scoffed almost humorously, a sad smile tugging on his lips, as he studied the label on his green glass bottle. Scrapping at the corner of the paper.
"Then, I met you." She corrected, as his eyes shot up. Keeping them planted on her moving lips, blackholes softening subtlety. Brows pinched tight in confusion, hanging on to her every word. Looking away, to worried he wouldn't like her next words.
"Suddenly, I wasn't scared of you, because of silly bed-time stories, or perceived rumors. I was scared of you, because of how you acted."
She took a hesitant peek at his face. Wondering if he'd look angry, but he just seemed zoned-out, no longer watching her face. In his own little world, seemingly distant from her somehow.. Glaring behind long dark lashes. Fixed on the wine that was leaking across the floor, towards his desk.
"You, made me scared of you, Aleksander. You'd break things, man-handle me, kidnap me.. You scare me." She concluded.
"But It's also hard to be scared of something so.. beautiful. You proved to me, that just because something was beautiful, didn't mean it was safe..I can't trust my own feelings recently." She breathed out, trying to find the right words.
"Then at some moments, you're kind. Kinder than anyone in my life has ever been to me. Giving me food, and dresses, wrapped with pretty words. I forget that you, horrible things to me. So I have to assume your lying to me half of the time. Especially, if you're the same person I've been talking to in the dark. Because, he wasn't nice at all.. not ever. So, I don't trust myself to answer this honestly.."
She watched him as he remained silent, sipping his mead, now. The air felt dense with heavy the longer the quiet dragged on.
"I wasn't lying." She breathed out finally through a deflated slouch. "When I said, I don't know Aleksander.."
"So, tell me the truth." He scoffed harsh, snapping his head to glare at her forehead. The first obvious expression he's made since the lights had come back on, was one of pure rage."And quit talking in circles. Just say what you mean."
Nothing about him said he was surprised by her words, though. Which left a small pang in her chest of pity for the man.
"I don't want to, but if you don't answer.." He trailed off, sipping his mead with a cocked eyebrow. Abs flexing as, he leaned back. Keeping, hollow-black eyes focused as he sneered down on her.
He didn't have to finish. She knew exactly, what he'd do. Aleksander was the kid with the spyglass and god-complex, remember? And she was the lone ant, sitting atop, her throne of dirt. Waiting, no…-Begging to be zapped, out of existence. He only need one reason… He'd send her right back into the dark.
Again.
If she didn't give him a clear defiant answer, that is. She fell back against her pillows, paying with the loose button again, staring up at the ceiling.
Is there a defiant, answer, that won't offend him? What if he goes off the rails and just straight up, beats the living-daylights out of me?
Before she knew it, angry thoughts were escaping from her mouth. Forgetting for a moment, that Aleksander was still in front of her. Showing Proof that the darkness affected her more than she ever knew.
"Why do you even care?! You've lived 400 years! And you're telling me, that you are willing to torture a girl in order to get her to admit, what she really thinks of you? Are you soft in the head? It doesn't make any sense,-"
"Because, you invaded my space. You read my journals." He roared, lurching forward from his throne, throwing his fist against the marble reticular armrest. Crashing them down, so hard that it sent a 'BOOM!' echoing through the room. Forcing, everything to fall deafeningly silence.
Making Alina cowering behind a pillow, as if he had hit her instead of the stone. Widening her eyes, with a gasp. Instantly shifting to ice when they finally locked gazes. Remembering to late, that he indeed, could hear her. That she wasn't talking to the shadows anymore. She clapped her hands over her mouth. His eyes lingering on her own. His black melting into her gold.
He finally saw her. Really, saw her.
This whole time, he had been looking everywhere, but her eyes. Simply glancing at her. Looking at anything but her eyes, everywhere else. Bouncing them from one thing, to the next aimlessly. Focusing on her lips, or forehead, but never her eyes.
But right now, as blackhole were once again threatening to suck her in, drowned her.
He saw her.
He clamped his jaw tight, making a vein pop by his ear. Gritting his teeth, fists clinched around the edge of his stone throne. The longer he stared, the softer his features became. Harsh lines giving away to subtle curves, with the exception of pitiful brows. That pulled tight, creasing the smooth skin of his forehead.
Anchoring his gaze, so heavy to her, that she felt him weighting her down. Making her sink further into his murky water. Just like the chain around her ankle, his eyes kept her from excape. Drowning her in his over-whelming, presence. Dragging her to the bottom of raging, black seas. He tethered her there. Linking her to him. Unable to move, to breath, unable to think.
Sadly, HOWEVER, able to speak..
"I thought you said. You find no use in yelling.." She dumbly blurted. Shell-shocked but still sarcastic, her default in the face of pure fear. Which had to be the worse defense mechanism for her current situation.
Shit.. I just poked the bear. She winced at her own words, as if the syllable's soured her taste, and crinkled her nose.
He jutted his chin up, widening his eyes only momentarily. Before, arching a twitching eyebrow high, taking a deep breath. Shaking his head in confused rage, then heaved a long drawn-out sigh. Like he was dealing with a belligerent, clueless child.
Rather than, the small scared woman; That was sitting crisscross apple-sauce on the mattress, not much unlike a child. She just remained like a deer caught in head-lights, shocked senseless from her own words.
Slumping back into his seat, He scratched his chin in thought, with a low growl. Rumbling around her, like warm vibrations. Slipping his eyes closed, grinding his teeth. Obviously, fighting back the urge to beat her silly.
"My personal thoughts, Alina." He pressed out, low and punctuated. "Those books were not meant to be read. They were for me to look back on. To learn from."
"Not for your judgmental enjoyment! My feelings were not to be used for your entertainment!" He barked. Before messaging, the bridge of his nose, trying to keep himself from getting worked up again.
"I wanted to know what you thought of me, because that's personal to you. Just like how my writing was personal to me. I want to read your dairy. Fair is fair. Do I have to spell it out for you?" He grumbled out the last part, before droping his hand back to his lap. Snapping his glare back to the girl in front of him. Anger, flooding back into his dark eyes.
"You read things that I have never shared with anyone.." His voice quieted. "Now, I want to know your darkest secrets. So I too can be entertained by them." Turning, solemn and timid, towards the end of his speech. Then, something changed in his eyes, something Alina didn't recognize. His blinking speeding up, with thick eyebrows scrunching upward. He leaned forward, making Alina's heart skip a beat.
"I may have overreacted in your opinion.." His voice trembled. "but to me.."
He ran a hand through his hair again. Revealing bloodshot and tired eyes, that seemed sad and shameful, yet angry and vicious. Gracefully, crossing his legs. Balancing his ankle on his knee, as he slouched against the stone back rest.
Then, just like that. The expression was gone again.
The ever unemotional Aleksander had returned. His eyes dead, but glazed with unshed tears. Full bottom lip was still quivering, ever so slightly. So mildly that if she wasn't still staring at him, she wouldn't have noticed it at all.
"…But, to me. You poured salt, in a very deep wound. You stole my chance to explain myself."
He seemed..Hurt.
Why the hell is he hurt? I'm the one, that he locked up in the dark for a month, alone and scared... Plus, what's so damn, important about a journal, anyways? I should be the one that feels, hurt. And, betrayed. Not, him.
I should be the one angry. If I go back into the dark fine, but I'm not going to let him off the hook. I'm going to treat him, the way I treated my imaginary version of him. Badly. It could have been really him all along, anyways. So, screw it. I give up. I give up, trying to treat him, delicately. Just because, I'm scared of his wrath.
"Are you really that upset about a damn journal?" She spoke the phrase, like a plea. Begging for a break from the incessant chatter. Both from her mind, and his melodramatic, ramblings.
"And you want me to be honest with you, Aleksander? FINE! Have it your way!" She laughed in his face. From either nerves getting to her head, or insanity. She just couldn't seem to muster, a single care in the world.
"You are a 400 year old man-child that throws tantrums like a toddler, when you don't get your way! You don't want people to be scared of you and your powers. Yet, you use that same power against them, every chance you get!... Ironic isn't it?" She spoke calmly as first, but her voice raising as she carried on. Gaining confidence, the longer he let her speak without interjection.
"You had a chance to change the way I perceived you, but you choose to kidnap me, instead of earning my respect!" She jabbed a finger against her chest, blaring her words.
"To man handle me! and threaten to kill me! Instead of proving my fear's unfounded through your kindness... You stole that chance from yourself!" Her voice cracked, as tears started to sting her eyes, again. Remembering, forceful hand's on her. Ripping away the fabric of her dress. The lingering burse on her hip...
"…You chose to hurt me, Aleksander. In ways that I'll never forget. You took apart of my innocence, my first kiss, my…You made me feel dirty.." Swallowing down a sob that threated to choke her, choosing not to share details. Whipping away a stray angry, tear.
"So.. I'm soooo sorry, that I read your journals but you…." Blinking her eyes dry, sending tears streaming down her face, with as much biting sarcasm that she could muster. "You left me in ice-cold, confined isolation! For days, upon days!"
"So, yeah…..I learned how hard it is being alone. Started to lose my mind, a little. While in said, isolation. You came to torment me, every day. Hurling insults, and critiquing me endlessly." Her laughs turning to bitter sobs as she bit out her thoughts.
"Or sometimes! You'd just stay with me and talk. Keeping me company….I know people have hurt you, but you…" She gathered herself, with a long inhale.
"You need to man up, and admit that you had a hand in it, too. That's what I think of you, Aleksander. I think you're selfish, cruel and pitiful. I think you hurt me, more than one else has ever hurt me!" She finished strong, and firm. Huffing angrily, whipped away her tears with an over-sized cuff.
"I still hate you. I hate you so much fucking much, but the worse part.." Her voice crack horribly with her anguish. "Is that I'm so happy to see you, just so I won't have to be alone." She weeped angerly, raginging tears streaming down her red face.
Aleksander's stoic face twisted, as if he was sickened by her raw display of emotion. Scrunching his nose, and curling his upper-lip. Before clicking his tongue, jutting his chin out and eyeing her warily.
"Okay, fine." He relented, finally turning his head away, glaring at the painting on the wall to the right of the room. "I have some...minor issues."
"Minor?!" She croaked out the worse, wiping her tear, annoyed.
"I warned you not to test me. I told you to obey me, when we first met. That wasn't a threat, it was for your benefit." He took a deep breath, nodding in agreement. Calm and collected. He didn't seem shocked or defensive, at all. Completely, relaxed. Resting his big, selfish head against his throne in thought.
"What?" She mumbled slack-jawed. She'd figured, he's get angry about her opinions. Or at the very least, try and deny them. Maybe, that's what she wanted all along. For him, to prove her wrong… To tell her that he wasn't cruel or immature. Just misunderstood and lonely. She didn't expect cold, unsurprised acceptance.
A glint of self-hatred and shame, could even be seen in eyes. Buried just below the surface. But, not denial or even regret.
This man, may actually have the ability to self-analyze. Who would have thought?
Not, me.
"I never said that you had to like me. In fact, I prefer it this way." He shrugged, a lopsided frown tugging at his bottom lip.
"I won't get mad at anything you say. I just had one rule." He held up a slim index finger up, between them. "It was to be honest, and don't disobey me." He growled, his muscular body tensing firmly, as he spoke with his diaphragm. Commanding and clear. Abs and chest flexing as he leaned in with a smirk.
"I expected to hear things that I don't like, from your pretty lips. You've made it clear that you have a sharp tongue, from the day we met. Then, you started to act differently. Did you think I wouldn't notice."
She gwaked at him, truly in shock. "I don't understand.."
"I'm saying, I've gotten used to you. So, you don't have to fear me getting upset, anymore. Unless you lie to me or hide things from me, again. Figured, I'd nip that in the bud by giving you some alone time. But, It's your turn." His face remained, unchanged and unphased. "Fair is fair. So, don't get angry with my honest answers, either."
She looked at him, like he had just grown three heads, right before her very eyes. "So, you're not hurting… You're just an asshole. Well, good to know your use to me, because I'm done being nice."
"Thats not what I said.." He started, but interrupted him.
"But, its perfectly fine that you tortured me. I'M USE TO IT!" She laughed loudly, and sarcastically, in mocking positivity. "It's all fine and dandy! Because, you warned me that you're an asshole, right?"
"Yes, I warned you." He qurked a brow, as he sat up right, as if he was a little shocked, but she ignored him. "What about it?"
"Like, that in some way that justifies how much of an asshole you are?" She hissed out the word. "Oh! But you Fucking warned me! So, obviously I got what was coming to me." She waved her hands around her head, dramatically, adding air quotes to her words.
"Language…" He fumbled looking somewhat shocked and annoyed. Like, he wasn't sure what to make of her behavior. Perhaps, she didn't respond the way he had hoped or expected.
"Answer! That's the deal. It's is a two way street, Right?! Or are you not a man of your word?" She smiled wildly, sitting tall on the bed. "You said it was my turn! Well, that's my question!"
A slow smirk tugged at his the corner of his lips. Licking them as he took another sip of his mead. finishing it off. Tugging himself up as he swayed over to his desk and pulling out another bottle. Along with one tiny glass, like a steamed shot glass. His large hand, dwarfing the already small glass, further. Making it look like a miniature wine glass, cradled between his fingers.
He stumbled gracefully. Stepping, like he was floating for a split second. Completely weightless, before landing heavy on the other foot. He was obviously drunk, yet still beautiful to her.
No matter how much she hated him.
Pants sitting tight on his sharply defined hipbones. Riding dangerously low, reveling the strong 'v' pointing to the budge between his legs.
Creating a beautiful arrow, emphasizing a subtle happy trail, that led up to defined 6-pack abs and hard chest. That was eye level with Alina now, as he stood in front of her. Before, falling back into his throne. She glared at him, as he popped the cork with his sharp teeth, never breaking eye contact. Spitting it randomly aside and taking another sip. He swallowed, shaking it. As he drew her attention to the bottle. Almost making a show of trying it, before pouring it into the tiny glass.
"It's not poisoned.." Filling the tiny wine glass, with the dark red liquid and held it out to her. "Let's drink, to you finally joining the game."
Her hand trembled as she reached out. Adrenalin still making its way through her bloodstream. The tips of her fingers stumbling across his, causing the glass to quake. He quickly steadied her hand, with his other hand. Gently, placing the glass between her fingers. Keeping the liquid from splashing. She had forgotten, what it felt like to be touched by someone. It felt.. warm, and electric.
"I've been playing.."
"But now you're being completely honest with me, aren't you?" He smirked coldly.
"I'm not looking for your sympathy, Solntse." Puffing out a short, airily laugh, shaking his head slow. As if the notion alone, was outlandish and silly.
"Weather, I like it or not. People don't usually like to be honest. So, I've made it a point of mine to find ways to get people to talk. And you're starting to finally show me how you really think.."
"Sure, I'll play along..." Her words, dripping with firm doubt. Quoting his words, from what he said in the dark. Referring to her 'dilutions' and playing into them.
She quickly took the glass, taking a small sip. It tasted like honey, but burned like fire. "Not wine.." She choked out, in a disappointment groan.
"Think I'm crazy, if you like..." He eyeing her as she cringed from the syrupy, liquid. Yet, chose to ignore it. "And It's mead. Little stronger, than wine. So, go slow-
She drank the whole glass, like a shot, holding the now empty glass back out to him. "You ARE crazy, just as crazy as me. And you're doing it, again!" She cleared her throat. The burning lingering in her chest, prickling behind her eyes. Her hand quickly covering her mouth as she coughed. "Quit changing the subject."
"Excuse me?" He cocked an eyebrow, his smirk growing. Seeming much too pleased with her discomfort. More pleased than she thought he really should be looking, considering the conversation. He refilled her glass chuckling slightly.
"I was just going to advice you to sip. Not drink, the mead." A glimmer of amusement shining behind his starless, eyes. Watching her, choke on her shot. "I wasn't doing it, purposely."
"You're avoiding, the question. You're always trying to distract me, so you don't have to answer. Do you honestly think that warning me about your mood-swings, makes you any less of an asshole?"
"Oh.." His face fell. No longer as arrogant, as he was only moments ago.
"Well?" She tapped her fingers, impatiently against her sherry glass. Her long nails, clanking against the thin crystal. Creating pitter-patter, in the otherwise silent room.
"Wait, that wasn't rhetorical?..." He asked cluelessly with more laughter, watching her closely. "You weren't being serious, were you?"
This man's moods are giving me whipflash...
"…." She glared at him, her hair falling over slim shoulders. Leaning forward, expectedly. Her face never faltering. Remaining serious as she took a closer look at his face. Her plump lips puckered, and thin brows furrowed down-ward. Silently, daring him to challenge her stubbornness.
"How am I supposed to answer that?" He pulled his brows together, and tilling his head, with a bewildered smirk. Reaching out to refill her glass, and handing it back to her. Shaking his head, at how ridiculous she was being. Licking his lips in denial, curling them inward, as he thought. "The question makes no sense.. I'm not an asshole, so I can't answer that honestly." He cringed, as the curse word fell from his lips.
"I said the same thing, but you made me answer. I'm holding you to it. I want to know. Why did you warn me, instead of just controlling yourself, like a grown man would." She clearified, gulping down her drink. Trying to rebuild her courage, in the face of fear.
Alcohol, usually helped with that. Her mind chimed.
"Quit making excuses for yourself, Aleksander."
He pinched his lips into a thin, straight line. Suddenly, much less amused. Not even a faint smile, his eyes settling like concrete. Hard and fixed with her gaze.
"I wasn't warning you, because I'm an asshole, that can't control myself..." Dejectedly, he trailed off. He couldn't keep the offence from his lingering words. Never showing it on his face, as he mumbled behind his drink. His eyes distant and lost, while he slowly sipped the dark liquor. As if he wasn't sure of his own words, and was too prideful, to admit it.
"Then why warn me, at all?" She sighed exasperated, her hair cascading into her face, as she dropped her head low. Tickling her nose, roughly raking a hand over her scalp. Aggravatedly, ridding herself of the nuisance.
"I warned you, because.." His voice fell deep, and raspy. Crackling out towards the end.
There it is again: Honest to god, real emotion. That wasn't anger. Raw, uncut and unfiltered, sadness.
"It's my powers that I have issues controling."
Tension seemed to dissolve around them. Like, the room was flooded in liquid surrender. White flags waving, all around them. They looked at each other. Just basking, in the rare moment of peace.
Alina spotted it 6 feet under black, unforgiving eyes. Like, a deep grave that hadn't been touched in years. There it was, laying small and shriveled. Was sincerity. She had finally found it.
"Sometimes I get distracted.." He began, closing his mouth, before opening it again, carefully. Searching her eyes, as she nodded slowly, urging him along.
"It's hard to control my body, or my words. When, all of my focus is on.." He looked down at his open palms. "…What really matters. Like, making sure my powers, don't hurt those around me. That I may even care about. Strong emotion, makes it harder to control the darkness... I am controlling myself more than you know, Alina." His voice broke, taking another sip, before continuing. "I'm always working to get better. I don't want to be... a monster." He stumbled over the words, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"You're right, I can't control myself. But, It's not as simple as you think." He added quickly, droping his hand with a curt nod.
Alina blinked, a frown forming on her, pouty lips. Not understanding, how Aleksander could get distracted enough to lock a person way for a month.
"Sounds pretty simple to me. Control your emotions, not your powers...Like, come on.. You locked me up for a month, that's pretty extreme, don't you think?"
"It wasn't just to punish you. It was also to protect you, from me.. I just left you in the darkness, out of blind anger. Which, I admit was harsh. But It's like my body is moving on its own. A passenger, to my own mistakes. My own short comings. I see myself hurting those around me, but I can't do a thing to stop it. So often, I'm just so focused on not trying to lose control of my powers, that I tend to hurt them in other ways, without realizing it." He mumbled. "So, yes. In a way, I do think it makes me less of an asshole, but it's not an excuse. Are you satisfied with that? Or is that also too convenient for you?"
She couldn't help, but to give him a small smile, as he referred back to her calling his story, 'too convenient,' earlier. When, he told her about Luda.
"It is convenient, but I'm satisfied for now. See? That wasn't so bad…" She mumbled, not quite sure how to respond to his honestly.
"Bad enough." He scoffed, never looking away from the drink in his hands. "My turn." A small smirk curling his lips, as he glance back to her. "Do I bring you pleasure?"
"Are you seriously asking me this? Is this payback for asking if you're an asshole?"
"Yes," He admitted shamelessly, a dazzling smile curling his lips. "Now answer, smart-aleck."
She jutted her chin in defiance, crossing her arms.
"Alina…" He pushed, leaning forward with a shit-eating grin. "Just admit it.."
"You already know the answer..."
"Yes?" He leaned even closer. His soft grin sending warmth, spiraling in her belly.
"YES." She snapped. "What more do you want! I'm not a coward like you. I answered!"
"I want details, Alina." He smiled devilishly, his grin turning to an impish smirk. Seeming so beautiful that it physically hurt for the young woman to even, look at him.
"Excruciating details…" He rolled his tongue over the word making it feel needy and demanding. Running, the tips of his pink tongue, over bright white fangs. She rubbed her collarbone. Tracing it to her sternum, trying to relieve the tugging, pain. Like, a yarn being yanked, unraveling the her woven heart. He was so out of reach, yet so beautiful. It hurt, because he was untouchable in every way. Except, physical touch.
"That's not what you asked. Technical you just asked, if you pleasured me, and I say yes. So, can we move on…" She huffed, feeling feverish and sweaty. The room suddenly, stuffy and overheated. She fanned herself with her hand.
"Oh. So, we're being technical, now?" He nodded in mock-understanding, tapping his fingers on his stone, armrests.
"Well, technically.. I asked 'If I bring you pleasure,' present tense. Not, If I pleasured you." He chuckled at her slight flush, as he lingered on the word. Making it sound dirtier, somehow. "I already know that I've pleasured you. You forget, I have proof. You turn on like a light switch, my Solntse." He teased with a wink. "I was simply asking if you still, find me pleasuring."
"I already answered. I said yes. It's my turn." She grumbled, tucking her head between her shoulders, like a turtle. "We're moving on.."
"Yes as in, 'Yes, I am turned-on by you even now.' Or yes, as in, 'Yes, I have been pleasured by you, but not anymore?'." He smiled, watching the brunette girl, fidgeting with a button on his shirt. Hiding herself behind long, curly hair. Like a shield of messy locks. He dipped his head low, a few times. Trying to catch a glimpse of the face, she might have been making.
She felt the deep scarlet, crawling up her neck for a while now. Her blush must have reached her cheeks. Because to Aleksander's amusement, he caught a glimpse of her bright red face and ears.
"Hmmm?" He tried to fight the growing grin on his face, but failed horribly. "Which is it, Solntse?" She reflexively, held her shirt tighter to her chest. He chuckled, as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Flashes of forceful hands. Ripping and tearing at a golden dress. The aching yanks of violent fabric, torn from her sore skin. Shredding her of her dignity, and her will. The mere memories flashing in her mind as his fingers grazed her cheek. She flinched, smacking his hand away with a growl. Like a wild animal, feral and protective of her wounds. Her plump lips pulled into a snarl, her button nose wrinkled, baring her teeth.
"You lost the right to joke about something like that, when you violated me. I'm done with this conversation…" She shook her head, before sighing. Rolling her eyes, to the back of her skull, with an aggraded puff.
"You forgot about that part, didn't you? How you tried to force yourself on me? Because, I haven't forgotten." She glared at him. All she wanted, was to wipe that dumb smirk off his perfect lips. "Not for a moment…"
She defiantly succeed, in her venture, because he frowned deeply. All amusment falling away, chasing it with a hard look of regret and a long swig of mead. He regarded his fingers, his eyes tracing over them. Opening his palm, before closing it. Clinching them, tight into a stiff fist. Head hung with shame.
"No.. I didn't forget…" He admitted.
"And yet, you still have the nerve to ask me things like this?"
He grunted like a displeased, old man. He cleared his throat, and sat up in his seat.
"So you do hate me so much that I don't even affect you at all anymore.." He whispered darkly, a lopsided smile growing nervously on his lips, looking more disheartened than anything else.
Was that why he was asking me this? He was worried that I didn't find him attractive after what he did...?
She felt practically sun-burnt. Scorching, from self-loathing, as she realized, she still found him attractive. Even now..
He darted his eyes, around her face. She could practically feel his eyes on different parts of her face, at a time. Her lips, her checks, her ears, then back to her eyes, again. His smile grew, as she huff and puffed.
Her blush almost a violet shade, feeling embarrassed and shameful now too. She wanted to say no.. She wanted to lie, but she couldn't, because he already knows the truth. She couldn't hide it..
"I said affect me still. I find you alluring and attractive, but you have a hole where your heart should be. Which is rather unfortunate, considering that your handsome face was wasted on such an ugly personality." She whipped her hair away from her face, feeling warm and irritated. She glared at him, raising her chin. Curling her knees to her chest, reluctantly.
"Satisfied?" She asked, sarcastically.
His smile grew, unable to stop himself. A small chuckle escaping his pinched lips. Pressing his hand to his chin. Running, the length of his index finger, across his grinning lips. He just waited for a good while, trying to rub away his smile. Covering his mouth as muffled snorts and cackles, seeped through his fingers.
His other hand flying up between them, halting the discussion with a finger raised.
She glared before, noticing a silver ring on his pinky. She focused on it, distracting herself from wanting to maim the man for his care-free laughter. Or doing something drastic, like bite off his pinky or claw his eyes out. Something, he would remember. But instead she just sighed, memorizing the silver ring, that had a sharp talon attached to it. Knowing she'd never win against him. Not physically, anyways..
Not that he doesn't deserve it, though. He definitely needed a good beating, a metaphorical ruler to palm. He was laughing at her, chuckling behind his hand. Like, he didn't have a care in the world. He doesn't think of anyone other than himself. He seemed almost, sheepish. Like, even he knew that he shouldn't be laughing. But, he just couldn't help himself.
"It's my turn." She snapped. "Asshole.."
"Okay Brat." He retored back. "But my questions are only going to get harder to answer." He calmed himself. Taking deep breaths, holding his chest as it heaved.
But what's strange, was that his laughter, didn't feel cruel to her... It was like he had no idea, when to be serious and when he shouldn't be. It's like he replaces tears with laughter. Like, he's socially awkward. Not cruel, just deeply uncomfortable with the situation.
"Well, mine will continue to be difficult, too." She mumbled glaring hard at him, while he gathered himself. "Anything to do with emotions turns you to stone, anyways."
Aleksander looked at her after he calmed from his laughing fit, wiping tears from his eyes. A goofy smile still tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Go ahead. Ask away, you maybe surprised." He cocked his head to the side, as she just remained silent with a daggers for eyes.
"Doubt it."
He had the nerve, to look confused. CONFUSED? At what? That I would dare glare at him?! And Something about his unwavering confidence, that just made him all the more alluring. I hate myself all over again.. It isn't fair. He's so handsome..
It complicates, everything.
Lust, turns black and white into grey. She didn't trust herself, when it came to Aleksander. Because, she wanted him to kiss her. Touch her… and she hated herself for it.
It had to have been from the month of Isolation, right?
"Okay, lay it on me." He urged, pulling her from her thoughts. Still looking amused. Smirking proudly, bouncing his foot as he waited. As if, he could see right through her.
She looked at him and frowned, trucking her hair being her ears. Not wanting to really ask the question, but she knew she had to. She just prayed, that he'd believe her.
Am I crazy, if this isn't real? What if this is, all a dream? Am I crazy, then? Is any of this real, or am I still in the dark..
"Have you been talking to me this whole time, even in the dark? Or was I just imagining that…" She stuttered out the words. "B-because, I don't know if you were just playing along that one time, or if you've been making me think, I've been going crazy.. Am I going crazy?"
"Come on, Solntse. I thought we were past this. Stop pretending, The dedication is impress-
"Just humor me." She interrupted, almost frantically.
"Alina." He warned, as the suddenly felt electric, and stuffy. The air crackling between them, as Alina shrunk back slightly. Feeling small, under his harsh scrutinizing. Her breath caught in her throat, as he balled his fists tight.
"Please believe me, I'm begging you. I'm being dead-serious, right now." Clasping her hands together against her chest. Not even having enough tears to cry. Her well of tears was completely dried up, from her earlier weeping fit. Leaving behind dry, red and puffy eyes, but deeply sincere.
A low groan crawled from Aleksander's chest, leaning forward. Closer to her, never breaking his hollow, black eyes from hers. Never wavering for a second, as he inched his way to the edge of his seat. Tilting his head from side to side. Cracking his neck, and uncrossing his legs, placing his elbows on his knees.
"This act of yours, really needs to stop. Because, it starting to piss me off. We were finally getting somewhere. Now, we're back to lying?"
"Am I crazy, Aleksander?" She whispered pleadingly. "Please, just tell me the truth.."
He snatched her jaw, before she could finish.
She whimpered in fear. Instantly grabbing hold of his thick forearms, out of reflex. His strong fingers, easily grinding her teeth into her cheeks. Pulling her face, closer to his. He dragged her, till she was half, in his lap and half on the bed. She hissed painfully, as she tasted copper. Her canines, slicing open her inner cheek. Forcing her mouth slightly open, as he tugged her forward.
She tumbled along, her hands scrabbling to the armrests, on either side of him. The collar of her over-sized button-down, falling low as she caught herself.
"Tell you, the truth?" He got comfortable in his seat, still holding her jaw, relaxing against the backrest. Calmer now that he caught his prey.
He inhaled deeply, tilting her head to the side, running his lips from the corner of her jaw, down to her exposed collarbone. His breath, hitting her chest. Causing her nipples to harden from the warm, breeze. She hadn't been touched in so long, that her body was sensitive to the sensations. He rested his head against her shoulder, before letting her face go, but holding her hands to the armrests. Fisting her wrists painfully.
"Quit, lying.. Alina. Or I'll have to re-think my methods of discipline." He growled brushing his lips against the sensitive skin of her neck, right where it meets her shoulder.
"You said, my words couldn't upset you anymore.." She froze not knowing, how to react. Still terrified, she remained where she was. Not sure, if she was even allowed to move. She started to shift backward, experientially pulling her hand back-
Yank-
A large hand, latched onto the roots of her hair. Running his fingers from the base of her skull, gathering as many curls as possible. Grabbing, a fist full of curly locks tight to her scalp.
"I'LL STAY!" She squeaked, letting him know she wasn't trying to fight. As she held his strong shoulder, feeling his pulse as her fingers rested against a vein in his neck. That, frantically skimmed his smooth skin, trying to balance herself against him.
"Insults won't upset me, but lying is annoying." He growled, craning her chin upward. Making her neck more accessible for himself. Forcing, her further into his lap. He ghosted soft kisses up and down her neck, lingering right below, her earlobe. His smooth lips and rough beard, tickling her skin in the most wonderful way.
Her mind spinning, after a month of being touch starved. Everywhere his lips brushes, felt like it was on fire. Meanwhile, the ache of her head started to burn. Sparks of pain shooting down from the yanking fist, that was matted in thick, brown hair.
She began panting for air, as he forced her neck to bend, dramatically. Making it harder to breath. She latch onto his stone fist. It was unmoving and still. Like a statue's fingers, frozen in time. She clawed at his fingers with her over grown nails, but he wasn't the least bit bothered. Even as warm liquid dripped from the back of his hand.
The throbbing of her skull, only making his soft kisses more intense, in comparison. Gentle pleasure and ruthless pain. It made her whine, not know if she wanted more, or wanted it all to end. His hands were rough and unforgiving, but the way he kissed her neck and jaw felt tender. Almost loving, in nature. Making her shiver both out of lust, and fear.
Using his tongue, he drew her earlobe between his teeth, before giving it a slight tug. Sucking it into his mouth. She closed her eyes, tight. A moan, bleeding from her lips, feeling the sheering-hot wetness. Rolling her eyes to the back of her skull, feeling her mind melting.
She became like dough, in his capable hands. Sinking further into him, as his other hand tightened around her waist, steading her.
Before releasing, her earlobe, with a 'pop.' Smooth wet lips, smirked against the base of her jaw. She blinked her eyes open. Curious why he had stopped, being met with liquid gold. As a soft glow drifted over her skin. Subtle sparks, like little golden sparkles, exploding. A tiny fireworks display. Only appearing right above her skin, bouncing off of it.
"See? You're not as innocent, as you claim. We both know it. Stop with the theatrics. You can't fool me with sympathy, so quit trying..." He chuckled, warm breaths into her neck. "Be serious, woman. You think, you can fool me?"
This wasn't fair.. She couldn't help the way her body reacted to him after so long of being alone. He knew that. He just wanted to hurt her. Make her feel small, and silly. Make her feel stupid, for even trying at all.
And it worked…
She felt tiny, and pathetic. Weak and embarrassed. Burning tears pooled around inflamed, waterlines. Glossing over deep amber gold. Flakes of desperation, and overwhelming shame, floated around in her orbs.
She couldn't control her own body or control what Aleksander believed, or didn't believe. But, she needed him to tell her what happened, or she'd never have a hold on reality again.
"I can't control my glow, just like you can't control your powers. It's not fair." She spat-out breathlessly, struggling against his grip, and his skillful tongue. She panted, feeling warm and needy. Finally, withdrawaling his wet muscle from her neck, and smirked against her pulse point.
"I guess you'll just have to learn, discipline. I thought you said it was easy to control your emotions, Alina." He smirked, rubbing her own words in her face. "Or were you just lecturing me again, on something you know nothing about? Aren't you a little hypocrite, my Solntse." as he chuckled darkly against her jaw. Then, gave her a soft love-bite right on the tip of her chin. Looking down his nose at her, with a smile.
"Discipline? You sound like my head mistress.. Going to smack my palms with a ruler? Or just put me in time-out. Again." She spoke airily. "Do it. If you really think I'd risk lying to you, when you know how much I don't want to go back into the dark!" She finally cried out, thrashing against him. Her anger over riding all other emotion. Even, lust. "Then go ahead! Torture me, but I'm not lying, old man!"
He might be single-handedly giving me anger issues. Anger issues powerful enough, to break through a lust trance. What doesn't kill you, I guess..
"Old man?" He yanked her even closer, the tip of his nose pressed against her cheek. Forcing her to slap her palms flat against his bare chest. In a desperate, attempt to balance herself. His words, bouncing off her.
A full on grin pulling at his lips, minty breath dancing across her skin. She had to anchor one knee between his legs on the seat. The other leg, still dangling off the bed. Just to keep from face planting, into his lap. He nibbled on her chin before hovering, his lips over hers. Sharing his breaths.
"I have a half-mind to spank you. No ruler required, I'd use my hand." He whispered into her lips. A breath apart, from kissing her completely. Before pulling away. Brushing his lips over her cheeks, up to her forehead, then down to the tip of her nose. Goosebumps, following his velvet lips, as they ghosted across her face.
His short beard scraping with them, like pin-pricks traveling over the surface of her skin. It was such an odd sensation, that sent a tingling throb directly between her legs. A reminder, of just how wonderful, his mouth felt on other areas. Her legs trembling, as self-hatred crashed into her like waves.
"You wouldn't..." She whispered, not sounding the least bit convinced.
But something about that thought, sparked something in her she didn't like. The idea of him spanking her, made her body shiver with pleasure. Light blooming under her skin, brighter. More concentrated.
Her body betrayed her, leaning into his lips, even if she'd hate to admit it. But his smirk only grew wider, as he dodged her advances. Shifting a few inches back, before getting closer. Again and again. Teasingly, keeping an inch between their lips at all times.
"If that's what it takes to get bratty girls to stop lying to me..."
"Aleksander..." Alina shakey breathed, her hands trembling as they held his cheeks, making him freeze in place, his proud smirk faltering, unsure of what she was planning.
"Please.." Her voice cracked, fear laced in her pleading words. "Just tell me, even if you don't believe me.."
"Why?" He gritted his teeth. "I don't get it, Alina. Can't you see, you're just making it harder on yourself, when you keep pushing this act." Aleksander hissed, but his eyes looked uncertain.
"Because I'm not LYING!" She gasped out, with a tearless sob, finally falling completely limp against the hand that held her hair. Her hands droping from his face to his shoulders, in defeat.
Please, just answer. Please, set me free from this guilt. Tell me it wasn't you. That, you didn't say all those horrible things to me in the dark.. She prayed, all the words she couldn't say. Trying to speak through her eyes.
Tell me, it wasn't you..
She begged the universe. She needed to know if he was the same man, that tormented her in the dark. She could forgive him for the dark. For the rough hands, or teasing. But those words that cut through the dark, wounded her. Like, no blade ever could. Cutting deeper, than merely flesh and bone.
Tell me, you didn't say those words. So, I can forgive myself for enjoying this…
Aleksander heard her silent prayer. He must have because he set his jaw tight. Completely still, with his fist in her hair, and his lips inches from her own. Eye's searching hers. His jaw twitching, the muscle there jumping wildly.
"You know what it's like, don't you?" She whispered trying to choke back the tears, but unable to hold in all her pain anymore. "Not knowing, what's real and what's not. That little voice in the back of your head, that tells you this isn't real... That you're still trapped in the dark, that this is all a dream."
"I'm scared I'm losing it, Aleksander…" Tears finally falling down her cheeks, breaking down completely. Just the thought of going back into the dark, arose panic from her very core.
"So, please don't fuck with me, and answer the damn question! Whether you believe me, or not!" She finished with an angry dry cry, breaking through her swollen lips. Pulling her other knee beside his hip, so that she was straddling his left thigh. Settling fully in his lap, no longer having the strength to keep herself balanced between him and the bed.
She pounded limp fists into his hard, chest. Sobs ripping from her lips in bitter moans, as tears finally started to fall once more.
She couldn't stop them, resourceful bastards. Sobs like title waves, dunking her under wave, after wave. She couldn't make it up for air. Gasping, as she sank in his hands, like a wet wash cloth. Letting his unfaltering fingers, hold her head up with his hold on her hair. His other hand now cradling her mid-back.
Then a dark, water fall of curls, poured from his fingers. Hair shielding her once more, as her head fell to his chest. Dropped his hold on her, but placing his hand gently on her back of her head. She instantly felt warmer and safer, now that her hair was around her face. Looking up through parted hair, at Aleksander.
He stared blankly at her, as tears continued to stream down her face, giving up even trying to hold them back. If one tear falls, and they all must fall.
And, so they did. All at once.
All of the pain, all of the stress, the fear, leaked out of her eyes like faucets.
Suddenly, warm arms wrapped around her, pulling her completely into his lap. Forcing her legs to part around his hips, instead on his one thigh, as he kissed her hair line.
Before, turning her slightly, so that her shoulder was tucked under the crook, of his arm. Her butt, between his spread thighs.
She cuddled her nose into the juncture of his neck. Breathing in the smell of mead, cloves, and sweet oak, straight from the source. It was comforting in a way. The shirt didn't smell nearly as good as his skin. Almost enveloping her, with the scent.
Toned arms tugged around her shoulders, nestling her closer to him, pulling her tucked legs, over his legs. A warm hand holding her exposed hip, the other on her cheek. To keep her from falling, he let her rest against his muscular arm. Practically having to hold onto her bare ass, to keep her steady.
"Okay, I believe you." He grunted, placing his chin on the crown of her head. Effortlessly holding her bridal style in his lap. "Please just stop crying..."
"Then answer.." She croaked out, lips blubbering against his soft skin. Slamming a small fist against his hard-flat stomach.
His stomach hurt my hand.. It's like a cruel joke. A joke, where I'm the punchline. My whole life is a joke..
"Alina.." His words softened, almost sounding concerned. Rubbing his fingers up and down her arm. "I haven't talked to you in a month.. Today is the first time, I shouldn't have played into it, and that was cruel… But, this is really happening right now, okay. I am real. You are not crazy." He wiped away a few her tears with his thumb, kissing her cheeks, looking almost lost to what he was supposed to be doing. Comforting so far out of his wheel house, that he looked awkward and distraught.
Why the hell is he comforting me, he's the reason I'm hurting, but after a month alone. This hug was everything I need and more. She thought weeping harder, as he faintingly rubbed her back, unsure what else to do.
"Shh…" He whispered rocking her back and forth, like a crying child.
"I'm not a baby, you idiot.." Despite her words, she clung to him. Wrapping her arms around his neck. Nuzzling her face, under his chin.
"I'm trying to calm you down.." he grumbled.
But, she didn't truly care that he was shushing her, she only needed the feel of his skin against hers. Reminding her that this was real. That she wasn't still, alone in the dark.
He cradled her, till her body started to ache from sobs. Running, his hands up and down her back, as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck. His body remaining stiff and hard, against her limp form. Never letting his guard down, as she cried into his skin.
She finally steadied her breathing. In and out, focusing on his body heat. Her breasts flush against his warm chest. His strong grip, still holding her bare hip, finger grazing across her ass.
She rolled her hips closer into him, moving so that she was straddling his hips. She wanted to be closer. Grinding, against his stomach. Hard abs, flexing under her wet heat, making his stomach slick. She nuzzled her face into his neck, right under his jaw. Rubbing her lips and chin, against his neck. Breathing him in, just enjoying the feel of him. Wanted him to touch her, until she forgot everything.
"I didn't know, it would affect you this much." He cleared his throat awkwardly, rubbing his hands up and down her spine. And, just like that the weight is back. His voice reminding her, of who exactly, she was touching. Her body stiffened again, her mind coming back to reality.
If only he didn't speak..
"Perhaps, I've built up an immunity to the dark… I figured you'd just be a little, pissed off after a month. Maybe, a little light sensitive. But, not talking to an imaginary person... It was easier than I thought.. Breaking you. Perhaps, because your power is light based… You broke faster.." He whispered.
He's still thinking of breaking me? Even, now?
During her time in the dark, she grew sympathetic toward the devil. She had begun to enjoy his company, if only a little.
I finally see. This is why people warn us about having sympathy for the devil. Because, it's misguided.
You will come up with your own theories. On how people can be so cruel. We come up with justifications, because we can't understand them. While in reality, there is no answer, no explanation. The truth is that some people, just don't care about who they hurt. As long as, they get what they want.
But, I've always thought it was beautiful. To have grace, even towards the worst of us. Who am I to judge, right?
An old book once said, 'God forgive them, they know not what they do.' And all my life, I thought it meant cruel people don't understand that they are hurting people. That's why, they're cruel.
Hard to be kind, when all you know is cruelty. He's lived 4 lifetimes, worth of heartbreak and letdowns. So, she could see herself, being drawn to him..
He was broken. Just like she was broken. No family, no friends. Alone and broken. Broken people can only break people. Alina was broken, too. But, she would never do to anyone. What Aleksander, did to her. She wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy.
Completely unaware, that the ones they're hurting the most, are themselves. Because, all they do. Is make everyone else, disappear. That loneliness serving as they're retribution.
I'm sure it gets lonely, forcing everyone away. Thousands of soul's pleading, ignorance is innocence. Ignorant, instead of evil. Because, no one would do what Aleksander did. Knowing, how much he was going to hurt me, right?
Wrong. He knew.
Even worse.. He wanted to hurt me.
That's why, having sympathy for the devil, is not just negative or even naive.
It's dangerous.
Dangerous, in a way. That, you don't even realize it's happening, at all.. until you start to feel hell's flames, licking at your bleeding heart. Alina felt those same flames. Like embers in her lungs, with each breath. She didn't have to forgive, Aleksander. Because, he knows. Exactly, what he does.
"I hate you." A ghosted whisper, shattered through the silence.
And I understand you…
Everything is shattered, except for reality. That was crystal clear. She wasn't crazy, she was just naive. He wasn't misunderstood, he was just broken.
Shaking, she pulled away from his chest, enough to see his confused exspression.
As if, she had forgotten she was on his lap, like he appeared about of nowhere. She stood on her knees, peeling herself away from his body. Her skin sticky, against his bare chest, feeling his heart under her finger tips. Then she pushed of his chest harshly, enough to grab the mead beside her, taking a long swig. He tried to steady her.
"Don't touch me!" She snapped, after she swallowed, stumbling backward.
"I'm only trying to keep you from falling." He grunted, raising a brow.
"I don't need your help. You've helped enough!" She shoved off of him once more, kneeing and elbowing. Batting his arms away, as he attempted to help her crawl back into bed the glass bottle, to swat at his hands, all the while slinging the liquid around them.
Till, he lifted his hands in surrender, holding them at eye-level, mockingly. A cheeky grin, pulling on his lips, his hair a mess. Not even, trying to stop her from taking the mead with her.
He was playing with his full bottom lip. Running, his index and thumb over the pink flesh. A smirk growing, behind his fingers, as his eyes followed her.
"I hate you!" She growled louder this time, propelling herself, fully onto the bed.
"You can't make up your mind about me, can you? Dry humping my leg one moment, then yelling that you hate me the next."
She settled into her pillow pile, taking another look sip of the nasty, thick substance. It was almost, too sweet and burned like lava, ignoring his comments. She slowly side-eyed the man, still sitting beside her.
His thick hair tossed and perfect, with his sharp jaw set in a cruel smile, that only served him, as he scrubbed at his beard, like the comforting was all an act. Looking at Aleksander, caused her physical pain, deep in her chest. He was heart-breaking-ly handsome. Because, it felt like he was making fun of her pain, finding it amusing in a sick twisted game. But, moments ago it felt real. He was the one that was confusing her, not the other way around.
It hurt.
Because, against all odds. She still found him attractive, witty and charming. He had sharp features, strong and elegant. Dark medium locks, tussled around his head. Inky eyes, and thick eyelashes. His five-o'clock shadow, striking against his pale, perfect complexion. Sitting shirtless, capped shoulders, and flat chest, with hard abs, that dipped to the 'v' of his hips. His black pant, riding low on his waist.
She took another sip, eyes falling lower. A flush treated to crawl up her neck, as she noticed a long, pipe under his pants. That ran against his inner thigh. She wondered, how she didn't notice it, earlier. Heat, pooled low in her belly, making her drip. Remembering, something hardening between his legs, when he put his mouth…
That, must mean that whenever that 'thing' gets hard, he's feeling what I do, when I glow.. She grumbled a slur, under her breath. It pissed her off, that just looking him over. Sent tingling, right to her core. But, why was he turned on? She just told him, that she hated him… Why would that, turn him on.
"You're turned on, right now?" She growled, glaring at the ceiling. Taking a few long gulps of the alcohol, if for no other reason, but to keep her sanity.
"You grinded on me." He shrugged casually, with a confident. "I can't control that, either."
"That didn't happen. So, forget it." she coughed out after swallowing. "Nothing has changed, I still hate you."
"Which part?" Amusement playing on his smug features. Wild locks, teased into a mess, a lazy smile, behind his dark stubble. More than happy to ignore his own, moment of kindness. "You grinning on my lap, while you sobbed? Or the fact that it made me want to fuck you?"
"All of it." She cringed, the burning-honey forcing its way down. "You're horrible and I never want you to TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN. OR GOD SO HELP ME, I WILL FIND A WAY TO KILL YOU!... How dare my pain, turn you on.. You sick bastard.." Her voice grew louder, before calming herself, to a harsh low whisper. "What's wrong with you?"
"See! There's the brutish woman, I know." He joked, harshly. "And It's not your pain that turned me on, It was the fact that you were writhing on me like a dog in heat. But, it's not your turn, it's mine." He continued with a devilish grin, bouncing his leg. Not letting her even respond, before answering FOR her.
"Why pretend to like me? If you hated me so much, huh?" Crossing his arms over his built chest, biceps flexing as he did so. Sliding, lower in his seat, leaning back relaxed as ever. Not ashamed by his hardened length in the slightest. "That is what you were trying to do. Am I, wrong?"
"Right now I didn't 'try,' anything. I just broke down for a moment." She explained, as He snatched the bottle from her lips. Quickly tilting it back taking a swing, as she glared. "But, I will ever make that mistake again.."
"What about when you were acting all flirty?" He smirked behind, the green bottle. "Asking me about the kiss, then blushing."
"Before," She clarified. "I just thought you were crazy or something…That, I didn't have powers. Or you were just manipulating me for fun. So, I did the same to you. Figured if you trusted me, then you'd set me free. But, I wasn't lying about feeling crazy..." She whispered, twiddling her thumbs. Tipping into the pillows beside her fully facing, Aleksander to her left. "Sadly, that was all too, true.."
"The whole innocent thing, was a good touch." He swallowed hard, his adams-apple bobbing. Pointing the bottle at her. "I'll give you that, at least."
Then, clearing his throat, he shook the booze in his hand. Nonverbally, telling her to take it. Vaguely surprised, that he would even hand it back at all, she snatched it back. Taking a smaller sip this time, scrunching her nose in disgust.
"Wait, Innocent thing?" She repeated confused.
"Oh, come on." Giving her, a humorless laugh, his lip curling in disgust. "You know what, I'm talking about! The, 'No man has ever touched me,' act." He curled his fingers in air quotes, before pointing at her. "My first kiss is important." He mocked her with a roll of his eyes, and huff. "You let me touch you, then turn ice-cold towards me. Like, you are now! You let me taste you, thinking that I was crazy? No way. No virgin, would do that." He smirked, shaking his head. "I don't buy it."
"Okay first off, I may be a virgin, but I'm still a woman, and you're still attractive. Crazy or not. Second, I don't want to act innocent, in fact I was trying to be the opposite! I was trying to seduce you!" She counted her fingers, pulling them down, aggressively.
"Third, I haven't been touched like that by anyone, other than you! And, I hate myself for it. Fourth, you're attractive, as we established. But, also witty and charming!"
"So, as you can imagine, it's easy to forget that you're the devil! So, the reason I'm so 'cold' is because I'm coming back to reality. Reminding myself, that you're a monster with a pretty face!" She shouted, grabbing a random pillow and chunking it his fat head. Hitting him square in the jaw.
"You just keep, sucking me in. YOU'RE A BLACK HOLE!"
He grunted snatching up the pillow, from his lap. Tossing it back at her, flinging it twice as hard, with half the effort. She blocked it with her forearms, with a gasp. Protecting her head, sending the pillow flopping to the floor. Spilling some of the mead over her hand and down her arm.
She hissed instantly cringing at the tackiness on her fingers and palm. She narrowed her eyes, tapping her fingers together. Slowly shifting her gaze to Aleksander. Her face settling to a full glare, mentally blaming him for the new discomfort.
"Let me get this straight..." He grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose ignoring her completely. "You forget that you hate me, because you're also attracted to me.. Correct?"
"Not quite, that simple…" She mumbled around her fingers, licking some of the sticky mead from her wrist and hand. "But yeah, basically."
"Sounds convenient." He tugged his mouth down, running a hand through his hair, pushing it back. As he adjusted, in his throne. Leaning forward, resting elbows against his knees. "It's your turn."
"Okay, fine." She bit-out. "How is that convenient for me?"
"You figured out, that I had a soft spot for innocent, stubborn women. So, you played it up. Then, when that didn't work, you flirted with me. Asking me, if you kissed good and what being turned on felt like. You blushed the whole time.. You knew, exactly what you were doing..."
Did this idiot, really think she was faking her real personality?
"I know, your kind. You pretend to be so pure and sweet. Burrows their calws deep, looking for secrets. Using them against anyone, they can. To get whatever, they want. In fact, this country's princess, wasn't much unlike, you. You must have copied her ill-temper and crudeness." He spoke humorously, as if it was all, a big joke.
"That Isn't-"How did you know that by the way?" He cut her off, taking his turn.
She blinked confused and taken back. "Know, what?"
"How did you know, that I had a soft spot for Zoya. You acted just like her. She'd act 'hot and cold', just like you. Never, letting me touch her.. more out of stubbornness, than purity. Just like you... But, I never wrote anything about that..." He mumbled, stretching his chin in thought. His eyebrows, tugged in concern, worry lacing his words. "So, how did you know that?"
"So.. You have been in love, before? And I wouldn't know. I hadn't gotten that far, yet. I skipped around, a lot. And, I don't act hot and cold.." She raised her eyebrows, pointing out, yet another lie. She didn't understand why, but her heart sank. He lied to her, again.. He said, that he had never loved someone before.
Why does my chest ache? The mere thought, of him touching someone other than me, hurts..
"No. I didn't say I loved her. I'm not capable. And you do act, hot and cold. Stop with the pure act."
I'm not pure.. I'm just not as syndical when it comes to certain people and the idea of waiting.." Taking a sip of the mead, starting to feel more relaxed, the more she drank. The burning taste soothing her chest. "Waiting on sex, till you find the right one isn't innocent, it's just common sense..."
Aleksander gawked at her, his lips parting, dumbfounded. Throwing his head back, taking a deep breath, then huffing it out. Removing, any tension from his body, as he did so. Alina curled her lip at him, feeling aggravated by his reactions.
"Wait, How much have you actually read, then? You act way to much like Zoya, not to know something about her.. Did you learn about her, in a history book or something? "
"Zoya? No, is that the princess's first name?" She looked at him, like he was really losing it, this time. "I don't know anything about her.. I only read the first two passages from the first book, then a few pages of a random one in the middle. I have no idea, what the symbols on the sides are, either." She took another sip, placing the mead on the nightstand with a shrug.
"I only read enough to piece together, that you were the Black Heretic, and that you clearly are not innocent. When it comes to women, especially. But, I am a virgin, I don't care if you believe me, or not. But, I've never been 'Innocent'. You Imagined that up, all on your own." She finished, snuggling into her pillows, suddenly feeling tired. The adrenalin wearing off, leaving her exhausted.
"So, you don't know anything…You just bluffed?" He drew his eyebrows together a sudden realization, washing over his face. "When you called me Black Heretic, because you read about my plans to over take the throne. But, not what actually happened." He asked looking truly baffled, curling both of his lips inward, and pinching his brows high, messaging his temples. Causing wrinkles to form, right below his hairline. "Am I correct?"
"Yes, but I was right. Wasn't I? Wait!" She shot up, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "I thought you were angry, because I read about Luda..." She looked at him equally confused.
"No, I feel bad about Luda, and that's none of your business. But, no. It was something else…" He placed his hands on his head, taking a deep breath in stunted amazement. Tilting his head towards the ceiling, tucking his tongue in his cheek, as he shook his head from side to side.
"So, you know the 'Black Heretic' from the history books. Not from my journals? You figured out that I was 'The Darkling', and the 'Black Heretic,' all on your own." He mused pulling the mead, from the nightstand. "That, I am the same person. Without, ever reading it.." A rough smile forming, through huffs of relations. Blinking away any sighs of relief from black eyes, swiftly.
"True... What are you getting at?"
"I'm just now realizing, that you called me, 'Black Heretic,' without knowing my side of the story. Which means a lot more, than you would think." He bitterly scrubbing at his face, bending over his thighs.
"Didn't know that was a necessary detail. I was just calling you a name, because you pissed me off. Figured, you were only upset, because of Luda, and I just wanted to add fuel to the fire...I was being petty, I guess.." She mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck, feeling lost in the conversation. No longer knowing, where she stood with the crazy man.
Is he saying, he was only mad because I called him a name? Really..
Alina eyed him carefully. His tense shoulders, began to droop, as he sighed with a laugh. Readjusting herself against her pillow pile, as he ground his hands into his eye sockets. His relief, turning to frustration. A growl growing behind, his airy laughter.
"I was angry.." She whispered, confused. "I'm sorry?" She added sarcastically.
"You don't have a clue, why I was so upset. God, of course you don't.." He clicked his head up, looking directly at her. Concern, building behind the starless-night, skies. They lingered on golden-brown, amber. Dark onyx, brimming with aching regret.
She shook her head thoughtlessly, her mouth falling slack. His face, twisted with such guilt. So much, that it seemed to physical painful for him to look at her. She shifted her head to the side, frowning at him.
"Aleksander?" Alina asked gripping the silky button-down, closer to her frame. Feeling unsure, what his new discovery meant for her, and why he looked so remorseful.. almost worried.
She kept her sights glued to the dark man, in front of her. Watching, his gaze flicker from her clinched hands. That clung, protectively around her middle. Instantly, reembracing with amber, parting his lips before closing them again. Slowly working up the ability to speak, his eyes, searching through golden pools.
"Alina.. when you called me, 'Black Heretic,' I figured, that you read that part from my journals. But, I was wrong. You wouldn't have called me that, if you knew why I am called that in the first place." He started, pulling back. Giving her, a little space. "Which also means, I think I've misunderstood your intentions.. Your still completely ignorant."
"I wasn't so much mad about you reading my journals. As much, as you reading them, and then using that knowledge, against me. I can't fault you for saying what you did, because you didn't know how much it would…Affect me." He almost laughed, at his own stupidity. The chuckle, trapped in his throat. "Which makes me dislike you, quite a bit less."
"So you're telling me.." Alina tucking her hair behind her ears, with confused eyes. "That you locked me up for a month, because you were mad that I called you a name, that I didn't even know, was going to hurt you?" The words becoming angrier, as she spoke. "After, you gave me a long speech about, privacy? Are you messing with me?" She glared harshly at him, disgust twisting her words, with sneered lips.
Aleksander's back straightened, instantly. Shaking his head. "No, It's more complicated than, just that. I have things that you simply can't know..."
"That's basically it. Isn't it?! It wasn't just the journals. It was the fact that you assumed that I knew your trauma and then, made fun of it? You connected those, random dots in under a seconds. Are you kidding me?" She growled in annoyed shock. "I read your journals, because I was bored. You locked me in a room, what else was I going to do?! But, then when you got upset about Luda, I panicked. So, yeah. I was trying to upset you, but It's complicated, too… I didn't copy the princess. You just assumed that my real personality, was all an act. That's on you!"
"Well yes, I see that now. But why else, would you read my journals, Alina?" He sighed, equally annoyed, and confused, smacking his hands against his legs, defeated. "It was a fair assumption.."
"Calling me by that name, is still trying to use my trauma against me, isn't it? It's just not as sever, because you only know what's written in history. Not what I've written about it... But How, exactly was I supposed to know that, Alina… Read your mind?" He trailed, doing his best to explain with feverous hands. Probably, noticing her growing frustration as well. He was clearly trying to deescalate the situation, now knowing he tortured her under false assumptions.
"Well, I don't know, Shadow man." She threw up her arms in frustration, and surrender. "You could have talked to me!" She couldn't believe her ears.
"You know, what! Do you know how most people deal with conflicts like this? They talk to each other. Can you believe it?!" She bit-out sarcastically, with a mocking grin. "I can't kill you. You're immortal. So you have the time. It wouldn't hurt to talk it out. It won't kill you, I promise. You're just as much of a coward, as those humans, that you hate so much." She bit out. "You're just scared of emotional conflict. As they are over some shadows."
Aleksander's clenched his defined jaw, his muscles tensing . Nostrils flaring, as he steadied his pulse. Crossing his arms over his broad, bare chest. He glanced away, placing a tongue in his cheek. Distracting himself, eyes focused on the alcohol in his palms. Merely, suffering through his verbal lashing.
Even, he knows that he deserved it.. Gaining steam as she continued, uninterrupted.
"And, you're too prideful to even admit it! You would rather lock a helpless woman away, in a lonely room for a MONTH. Then, to actually talk about why you don't like being called something. That's a coward, for you. Plain as day." She added, crossing her legs, Indianan style on the bed. Adjusting herself, so that she was directly across, from him. Refusing, to let him tune her out, scooting to the edge of the mattress. Her legs, tapping against the top of the bottle that he held, between his kneecaps.
Finally, regaining his attentions by snapping her fingers, aggressively. Inches from his face. Taunting him, out right. He reflexively snatched her palm, dropping the corked bottle to the floor- And for a brief moment, she swore- He was about snuff her out. Smother her diming, flame. Life flashing before her very eyes, short and uneventful.
She braced for impact, protecting her face with her forearms, flinching down. But, no impact came. He just remained still. Completely frozen. Dark eyebrows pulled tight, with intense black eyes. Voids locked tight with her fingers, gripped in his large fist. Slowly, he relaxed lacing his fingers between hers.
Her breath hitched, as calloused fingers, softly rotated her wrist.
He looks like he might eat me alive, but his touch is gentle. His fingers, almost trembling.
"There's something wrong with me.. Something I can never share with you. But, believe me, I know that I'm messed up." He croaked out, tilting his head, simply studying her finger. His thumb tracing her knuckles down to her finger tips, grazing callused fingers, over her soft skin.
"But why coward?" He scudded closer, leaning a hand against the edge of the mattress, absently kicking the bottle to his side. His thumb brushing against her exploded thigh. His weight causing the mattress to dip, forcing her closer to his hand like gravity. She hitched her breath, feeling warm fingers, against her bare hip.
"I could understand calling me heartless, or cruel. Hell, even monster. But, why choose coward?" He sounded fascinated, dropping her hand, putting his hand on the other side of her. Trapping her hips between his arms, their knees touching. His wrath, dwindling to curiosity. His eyes drawing her in like blackholes, pulling away the world around her.
She remained still, unsure of her situation. He has proven, very methodical, whenever he's angry. Like, he's plotting something, behind his eyes. She did blow up at him, still expecting him to retaliate at some point.
He crawled his gaze up her arm meeting her eyes, fixating on them. His face inching closer, by the second. Leaning forward, drinking in her gold.
I get that revenge is best served cold, and all.. but damn. He was taking his sweet time. I may not be scared, but I would at least like to know, when he was going to fly off the handle. She hatted feeling unprepared.
"That wasn't rhetorical, Alina." He whispered, lips staling a foot away from her face, the smell of sweet mead and mint, on his breath. "It's my turn, anyways. So, answer the question."
"Oh! We're still playing this, damn stupid game?" Aleksander opened his mouth, wanting to remark about the cursing. But, she shut him up with a glare. Before clamping his mouth closed, changing his mind quickly.
"You, see. I didn't know we were still playing..." She hissed breathlessly, and high pitched. Laughing without humor, completely befuddled to the point of rage.
He's not a monster. He's just socially clueless. No regard's for social ques, what so ever. He's socially, slow.
"I thought we were actually communicating. But, since you asked so nicely…" She leaned in, her nose brushing his. An ironic, smile gracing her lips.
"…You are more than just a coward, I assure you. You're selfish, demanding, controlling and pitiful. Hiding just behind your never-ending pride. Like a spoiled god, who refuses to admit, when they're at fault. Hell, you have to play a game, just to have a normal conversation, because you always need to be in control!"
She tucked her arms, under her bust. Her pale cleavage, practically bursting from under, buttoned fabric. Black eyes, flickering down. Mesmerized by the newly revealed skin. Her firm hold, tugging on the spaces between the small buttons, making them open wider. He obviously ogled her, before swiftly returning a pointed glare, to her face.
As if I had somehow, tricked him into looking at my breasts.. She rolled her eyes, over-dramatically, before glaring right back.
"Yes, you hate me. I know. I'm hot-tempered, arrogant and self-centered. I've also been called vain, lustful and even petty. I get it. But, why did you choose, the word 'coward', specifically. It's my first time being called that." He groaned, messaging his forehead.
Beautiful hollow eyes, squinting in amusement. A slow smirk growing on his lips. He gave her a half-shrug, lifting and dropping one shoulder.
"People don't usually call the subject of their fear, a 'coward'. It's interesting, is all."
"Think you can handle, the truth this time? Or are you going to throw another fit?" She shoved against his unmovable shoulders as he loomed over her, snatching her hand away from him.
Muscles only tensing under his warm, velvety skin. She dropped her legs over the edge of the mattress, attempting to stand. She felt trapped, and too close to him. Like flames, that threated to burn her up the longer he stared at her. She stood in front of him, keeping her back straight and tall, still hold standing a single foot above his sitting height.
"I'm on the edge of my seat, here." He smirked, sarcastically. Moving closer, so that his knees pinned her in place. Anger heating her ears and laying heavy on her chest. Fists, shaking violently at her side, as she pulled them away from his strong frame. Standing tall, despite being trapped between his knees, looking down at him, tapping her foot.
She slapped both of her hands over her eyes, taking a deep breath. "You're insufferable.." She mumbled under her breath.
"Fine." She snapped. "I call you a coward, because you're scared of people. You're terrified that if you open up, they will always hurt you. So, you give up before trying. Jumping to conclusions, anytime the fear arises. You run away from it, like a coward!" She spoked firm, pocking a finger into his marble chest. Panting, the adrenalin making her feel shaky and hyper. Heart pounding in her chest.
"You're close." He stated calmly placed his hand, carefully hovering over her middle. Flinching away, ever so often, whenever she'd twitched or quaked with rage. Laying his palm and fingers, flat against her lower stomach. The heat warming her through the thin silk. She heaved through flared nostrils. Gritting her teeth, glaring daggers at him.
"I really hate you, Aleksander.."
"I know.. shhhhhhh..." He remained still, his hand still on her flat belly, just keeping his eyes on her.
"Don't 'shh,' me.." She mumbled, starting to melt under his fingers, and hating herself for it.
He waited until her breathing settled into a normal speed. Her features fully relaxing into a blank stare. He begin mitotically applying presser to his palm, more and more. Leading her to a seated position, on the bed. Treating her like an injured animal, making extremely subtle movements.
Once he had her fully sitting on the edge of the bed. He shifted back, allowing his hand to skim from her hip, down to her calf. Lifting it, before sliding down holding her chain, in his fist.
"I'm am not scared, because I can't talk about my emotions." He chuckled. "Your the first one to figure out it that I am scared of them, though. Humans I mean. Just not for the reason, you'd think."
"What's the reason, then?" She mumbled, still in shock at his response. Watching as he played with the shadow's chain links. Wrapping and unwrapping, the links around his large hand.
"Is that your turn?"
"Sure," She shrugged, feeling emotionally numb, "Now tell me."
"I am afraid that they will always lie to me. It's not entirely their fault, either. I know that.. They are petrified of me, so much so that they are willing to say anything, for a positive reaction. Until they feel safe…" He glared at the chain, a hard line for a mouth. Propping her heel on his thigh, fingers dancing over her cuff.
"That's when the truth slowly seeps out. So, you're right. I am a coward. You saw right, through me... That's why I try to scare them, just like the way I've scared you…I try and pry the truth from them. Grace never produced the same level of honesty. So, I'm known to using any tactic possible, to force that honesty instead." He frowned, deeply, kissing her chain. "Needless, In your case.. I should apologize for that."
"You should.." Was all she had in her, not knowing what else to say. It made too much sense. "But, I still won't forgive you…"
Why does he always, have the best explanation for everything.. It was almost unbelievable. Yet, his face was so sincere and honest. There was no mistaking it, he was telling her the truth.
"I'm not naive enough to expect you to forgive me. That's why I won't ask. You don't even have to like me. But, I just request that you don't assume, either. Ask me, if you're curious. I'll be honest with you.. Only you." He finished, placing one of the links against his lips in thought.
"Don't lie to me, or fake it. I'd rather you just hate me openly."
"Well. Consider your wish granted. I hate you so much, that I'm lusting over that one time that I stabbed you. Using it to fuel new fantasies." She nodded, distracted. Eyes lingering on her foot, that twitched in his lap, practically feeling his kiss against her chain.
"Is that why you wanted to read my journals?" He asked, a soft smile behind the chain links, looking her up and down. "To lust over my memories?"
"You wish.." She pulled her foot from his lap feeling exposed, as he let the links slide through his fingers. "No, I just was curious."
"About?"
"Things."
"Details, Solntse. Details." He jabbed sarcastically, gripping the links tight as her foot hit the bed. "I'm using that as my turn, so humor me."
She huffed pulling her hair back behind her ears, trying to recover from his mood swings. He was starting to giving her whiplash from all the surprises. "I don't know… I wanted to know more about you. You always dodged certain questions, distracting me, so you don't have to answer or just straight out lying to me. So, I wanted to know what you were hiding." She signed out realizing her own hypocrisy, rubbing the bridge of her nose.
"A half-truth, is not a lie.. But, you could have talked to me. It wouldn't kill you to try.." He mocked. Smirking, behind his mead bottle, before taking a sip. "But, what do I know. I'm too much of a coward to communicate." He mumbled, before swallowing.
"Okay, hold on." She held her finger up wagging it, between them. "You and I are nothing, alike. Sure, I was scared to talk to you about it, but with the added benefit of being scared for my life. I don't even have any idea how to use my powers. Not to mention, you are supposed to be more mature than me, considering you're old as sin!" She growled in her defense.
"Sin was around way before I came into being.." He cocked an eyebrow. "You're bruising my ego.." He fanned heart ache, slamming a hand to his heart with a thud.
"…I'm wounded."
"Sarcastic ass."
"We all learn lessons, at different times." He waved away her seriousness. "Brat."
"Some lessons take longer to learn, than others. Some lessons, humans may never learn in their short lifespans. But, some of those lessons, will still linger, even after death. Haunting, their bones like ghosts. I just live long enough, to know which lessons those would have been for me." He breathed seeming more relaxed, playing with her chain. Weaving, the small links through slim pale fingers, over and over again.
"I'm just saying, that we might have a similar lesson to be learned from each other, that's all. You don't trust me. And I don't trust you. We've both, have only trusted, maybe one or two people in our lives.. and they all let us down." He toyed with the links, watching his thumb run over the black metal smoke. His eyes seemed mournful, his smirk fading. Leaving hopelessness, in its wake. His mind, wondering. "Perhaps, we can chose to trust each other. Out of pure, curiosity. For no other reason, except the fact we will live forever. So, why not take a risk?"
"You're not right in the head." She laughed, genuinely. "You kidnapped me. End of story. I'm not taking advice from a crazy person." She shook her head giggling softly at his ridiculousness. He frowned, gripping the chain links tighter in his grasp. "I don't have trust issues, I have issues trusting you."
"You might be the one that can't talk about her issues.." He thought aloud grumbling. "I've only been alive for centuries. What would I know?"
She ignored him, promptly.
"Moving on, It's my turn. Mr. Honestly-is-my-new-policy, tell me about why we call you the 'Black Heretic and the Darkling.' If you don't answer, you lose. Then, you have to set me free, anyway." A toothy grin played on her lips, testing his theory.
"Oh, you think I won't answer?" He scoffed, pointing at the bed. "Fine, get comfortable." He stood crawling on to the bed, as Alina tried to move to the other side, but his hold on the chain, prevented her from moving too far.
"Don't touch me. You're not going to distract me again with your stupid, beautiful eyes and touches!" She snapped, curling into a protective ball. Feeling the bed dip beside her, shutting her eyes tight covering her head with laced fingers.
"No, more distractions!" She continued to yell. Eyes shut, unable to see what he was doing. Feeling the springs creak as he got comfortable.
But, once again. Nothing happened. Aleksander cleared his throat. As she peaked a single eye open. Before, frowning and opening both of them. Dropping her hands, to her lap. She turned her head to her left confused. She fully rested on her feet, kneeling beside his reclined frame.
Lacing his fingers, behind his head. He stretched in all the right places, with a yawn, settling into the fluffy, cotton around him. With a comfortable sigh, falling from his relaxed, parted lips.
"Are you going to listen or not?" His words, became muffled. Burring his face under an expertly crafted pile of pillows, as he rolled to his side. "Thank you for the compliments, though. Much appreciated. I've never really liked my eyes." He rested his temple against a prompted fist. His abs hard against her knees.
She sighed defeated. Will I ever win against this man? Has anyone ever won against this man?
"Do you have to lay beside me, in order to tell this story?" She asked back to just feeling perplexed and surprised again. To tired to be truly bothered, leaning down slowly beside him on the pillows.
I'm starting to think, that his true ability is, unpredictability. The man's been surprising her, all day.
He sat beside her, smirking at her smugly. His strong, veined arm holding up his head, his hair falling into his long, lashes. A tinge of blush, touching the tops of his ears. He's fascinating.. Maybe, it was just the month of isolation, accompanied with his overall attractiveness, but… I'm starting to see something, that wasn't there before.. He seemed awkward, not scary...
"You really think I'm beautiful? That's a new one to add to the list as well.." He smirked, shifting closer. Just enough to entangle their feet together.
"Get a hold of yourself… You're embarrassing me.." She mumbled.
"Shut up, and yes. I'm tired, you brat. I haven't been sleeping much. I haven't been in my own bed in a month."
"And whose fault is that?"
"You want me to tell you this story or not? Because, I'm sure you want to win, but you're not going to get away that easy. So, listen up." He growled, slipping his eyes closed. "I'm not going to repeat myself.."
Alina looked down at the little slack, that she was allowed with her chain. He still had it firmly wrapped around his wrist and fist. The same hand that his head leaned against. She sighed, reluctantly laying down beside him facing up at the mural on the domed ceiling, between the white arches. She flinched, his nose brushing her ear, as she shifted to the edge of the mattress. He backed up slightly, as well.
"Excuse me." He whispered awkwardly shifting to his back, staring up at the paintings on the domed roof. "This is not something, I've talked about in a very long time. I don't really know where to start.." He admitted.
Alina kept her eyes, glued to the beautiful goddesses, that floated overhead outlining, a smaller circle window. Filled with twilight stars and constellations, the moon full and bright. Casing moonbeams on them, like a spot light. She was surprised that it was nighttime, it's been so long since she even knew what time of day it was.. She figured it was morning, since she was wide awake now. Aleksander must have been tired, because it was the middle of the night.
She just was fighting everything in her power, not to cuddle into the heat beside her. Listen to his heartbeat, raging. She wish she didn't want too, but she so touch starved that her skin ached to be touched. But, something in her wanted him. No matter, how wrong that was.. He was beautiful.. And twisted. But, she wanted more of him, she wanted to know what made him tick.
"I swear, If you don't answer soon. I will choke myself out with this chain." She snapped.
"Fine!" He growled, as she felt his eyes burning the side of her face. He sighed, glancing back upward.
"Well, I'm was originally only known, as 'The Darkling'. I think, the rumors started around the time, I tried to run away with Luda. Luda saved me after her father's men attacked me. They saw me practicing my abilities in the forest not too far from here, actually. I was about fifteen, when the dukes men threw me into his dungeon." His voice was scratchy and rough, as he blankly memorized the mural above him.
Alina heart pounding against her rips, making her feel faint, expectantly waiting on his answer.
"After a few days without food or water, still bleeding from the beating they had given me. I was chained to wall, my ankles and wrist had started to bleed from constantly trying to put my hands together, so I could use my powers, maybe escape…" He breathed out the words, as if he was reliving it all over, again. "At the time I had to touch my hands togeather to use my power.. I was young and still getting use to my powers. I had to use both hands."
"Then, Luda showed up. I didn't heal as fast back then, so she cleaned my wounds and brought me food. She would often say, that she was lonely. She wasn't allowed to leave her palace, either. I think she figured, I was lonely too, because she kept showing up. Day in and day out, she came to talk with me. Then.." His voice cracked, as he cleared throat.
Alina flickered her eyes to his profile. His eyes looked glazed over with tears, far from actually crying. But, his waterline was red and irritated, as his adam's apple bobbed painfully, in this neck.
"What happened?" She finally whispered after letting him gather his thoughts.
"I don't know how long I remained in that cell but, I knew it had to have been months, when Luda finally came busting through my cell door to tell me that her father was planning on selling me to the king, and marry her off with the money he received. So, we ran. She set me free and we made a break for it. Figured, we could make it pretty far, before his men even realized we were gone. But, we figured wrong." He mumbled, rolling to his side again, inches from Alina's face almost looking through her.
"The men had horses... We didn't stand a chance, out running them on foot. Luda was short. So, I was carrying her on my back, running as fast, as I could. Then, the arrows began flying. All around us.. I tried.. I.." He trailed of his words barley squeezing through gritted teeth, his nose flared and eyes blinking rapidly, under heavy brows.
"It was my fault, I never should have put her on my back. She was shot… A single arrow to the back was all it took. She was so small... I left her somewhere in this, damned forest.. She bleed out, long before I even noticed that she had been shot. She just remained silent, for an hour or two, until her blood soaked through, to my back… Sometimes, I think she remained silent, because she knew I would have turned around to save her…" He concluded playing with one of Alina's long, matted curls, his eyes clouded with regret.
"So who started the rumor? Her father, or his men?" She breathed out frozen under his unrelenting, gaze.
"I'm not sure. But, the newspaper that covered her death, said she was killed by a man's dark powers.. The papers when on and on, offering rewards for my head. Then one day, another story broke, taking about 'A dark being living in the woods.' I assume, they started calling me 'The Darkling' not too long after.." He theorized. "But I was already headed to Rivka's capital, so it I didn't get to see it fully unfold."
Alina nodded slowly, letting the information sink in. "Okay, so you didn't kill Luda.. What about the princess?"
"Zoya was a little different…"
"Yeah, you actually planned on manipulating her…"
He grunted, turning his eyes back to the ceiling. "At first.." He mumbled.
"Well?" She urged him, forward. Fixed on the hands that, held her chain. Watching as he rubbed his thumb over the same link, over and over again, pressing his lips to it once again.
Aleksander sighed. "I promised her father that I could win a war for him, in exchange for his daughters hands in marriage, knowing that he had no sons to take over the throne… You know, we won that war because the king sent me, to kill the king of the neighboring counties."
"Yeah, you were the kings assassin for many years..." She confirmed his history.
"Once the war was won. The king grew suspicious of me, constantly asking how I was able to kill so many people, so easily… So, he instructed his daughter to marry me, and find out my secret. She was fiery and hard-headed. She challenged my way of thinking, at every turn…" He balled his fists tight, anger burning from curled lips.
"I thought I loved her once apon a time, and I thought she felt the same. But, I was wrong about that too. She was a spy for her father. So, while I slept she did what you did. She read my journals, believing that I had some kind of power. But, instead she found my weakiness. Used it to restrain me, and throw me in prison. I woke up in a cell." He cringed at a memory that he didn't need to share. Alina knew that he was tortured, just by the look on his face.
"She had powers too, like us."
"What did she do?" Alina asked, but he only shook his head, the pain in his eyes was enough to tell her, she didn't want to know.
" She was a witch, and she did something. Thats all you need to know, but after she told the pope, that she needed a divorce. because her husband was not human, but a monster. That I could make shadow without having to use Magik… Three days later in royal court, she…." Groaning, he sanded his face with his hands, up and down. "She didn't even look at me.. I was charged with many counts of murder's that I did for the king, and Zoya accounted for my powers, and my attempt to steal the crown. I was burned for treason and buried in this forest, the next day…"
"The princess hung herself, not long after watching you burn. The king never remarried, or had any more children. Leaving Ravka, with out a king. We didn't have peace again, until, his horrible nephew claimed the thrown. Even then our economy was in ruins, until his great grand-son, came into power…" She filled in the rest of his story, knowing the history.
"Yes… She felt used by her father, and by me. She must have thought burning me at the sake was a small revenge, for what we put her through. But, the part that hurts, isn't all of that. The reason I hate the name, 'Black Heretic' so much, isnt because I was burned."
Alina tracing his profile, his expression looking pained and lost. Eyes frantically following the dancing angels above him. The moonlight revealing the tiniest sparks, of the deepest midnight blue. Rimming, the outer line of his pupils. His jaw muscles jumping under her observations. He flicked his mystic pools, to the corner of his eye. Holding her in place, pivoting his jaw at a crawling pace. Resting his high cheekbone, fully against her pillow, facing her. A mere inch between them.
Wanting to ask why, but instantly shut her mouth, seeing a single hot tear, falling from the corner of his eye. Before dissolving, into a grey droplet on the pillow, as soon as it fell.
She peeked down at his parted, red lips. The bottom one, trembling as he breathed leisurely. Her breath hitched in her chest, as he trailed lazy fingers down her shoulder to her palm, then hung his thumb against her curled pinky finger. She glanced up into his eyes again.
This is different… I don't want to pressure him. It doesn't feel right. I hate him, but I don't hate him enough, to chastise a man almost in tears… Just, doesn't seem right.
He took a deep breath then, exhaled. Blowing back her hair from her face, as she curled her fingers, around his. Lacing her tiny fingers, between his larger ones. The chain wedged snug, against their palms.
"Zoya use to joke, that I was her 'Black Heretic.' Because I was dark, short-tempered and prideful. I was like an inside joke, between us. It use to be something, affectionate…" His voice cracked, filled with pain. The words physically causing his throat to strain, causing a few veins to pop on his forehead, and neck.
"So, in court when she called me that, it felt harsh and cruel. That's when I realized, she never cared about me, not once. She turned something that was endearing, into a painful scar. Every time, someone calls me that, it's a reminder, that I will always be alone… I wrote in my journals that, it was worse than being burned alive. In my nightmares I don't burn, until she calls me by that name. The dream always starts with us lying in bed the way we are now. Then, she teases me with that name, before suddenly I am being roasted alive, with that same disgusted look on her face."
He searched Alina's eyes, retching up and brushing the back of his knuckle against her cheek. "Now I dream of you calling me by the same name, that's why I haven't been sleeping much.."
She held her breath, for what felt like years. Studying, his sharp features in the moonlight. Melting over his skin, like a thin layer of white wax, pouring in from the skylight.
We as humans, often show our ugly side, when we're scared. And I bet, that's the only side, Aleksander has ever known... Of course, he hates us.. She gazed in his eyes, her mouth opening and closing. Only able to press out, a grunt. She couldn't even press a single thought, through her lips.
The wordless woman, wasn't sure what to say, or how to feel. His story was nothing, what she anticipated. He judged those around him so harshly, but... only because he's jaded and wounded. Some would even dare to say, he was wounded beyond repair.
But, something in his eyes told the girl different.
She saw a broken man. Not evil, or crazy. Merely fragmented. Thin brows pinched together, on her forehead. Wondering if she could somehow find his pieces, would she be able to solve him like a puzzle?
The outlines of pieces, like cracks in his armor. Crippling his once silky voice, turning it hoarse. Cracking across his eyes, like lighting. Rain clouds forming in those, secretive navy blue globes. Brimming with wave after wave of tears, that never broke past their dams.
"Alina, can I ask my question now?"
She gave him a slow nod, not knowing, what else to do.
Aleksander pulled her closer, till wrapping her thigh over his hip. The thin leg, twisting around his waist, his long fingers, sinking into the soft skin of her upper thigh, face still remaining the same distantness apart.
"Do you still think, I'm a horrible monster?" He whispered so softly, that his words nearly broke her apart, his voids searching her expression for a hint of malice, letting his own fears seep into his words. "Am I a monster?"
She slowly reached a shaky hand up to his face and held his cheek in her palm as he creased his brow so tight, that it caused his eyelids to squint.
"No.." She shook her head. "I don't think you're a monster." She spoke honestly, as he remained silent, searching her face for lies, but he couldn't find a single one, as he played tried to run a hand through her hair, but was caught by tangles.
"Can I ask you one, too?" She asked softly, trying to think of things that could lighten the mood. "Do I stink? Be honest, because I haven't bathed in a month." She joked.
He gave her an easy smile, looked away pretended to seem like he didn't want to answer, grimacing and wrinkling his nose up, like he smelled something awful. "I can't lie…. You may need a bath."
Alina swatted his chest playfully, with a mockingly offended face. "Can we continue this in the bath?"
He chuckled in that low way he always did, and nodded. Pulling her into his chest completely, before picking her up with ease and carrying her into the bathroom. He set her on the counter by the sink, as he started to light the gas candles around the room. "Is it my turn?" He asked starting the water for the tub.
"I think so.." She mumbled glancing at the mirror behind her with a frown, finally getting to see just how awful she looked. Pale and ghostly, much thinner than she had been, even before she came to this castle. Her hair so matted that it was clinging to the side of her head, with dark circles under her eyes. She quickly felt ashamed of herself, pulling her knees to her chest, placing her feet on the edge of the counter. Turning completely away from the mirror, not wanting to even look at herself anymore.
Aleksander clearly noticing her interaction with herself, before gracefully walking over to her and laying a small kiss on her forehead. "You still look stunning.. I'm sorry I did this to you.." He whispered against her hairline, as he slowly brought her legs down. Dangling them off the edge of the stone, that she sat on. His hands slowly reaching up to undo the buttons of the silk shirt, that barely clung to her boney frame.
She didn't fight him, instead just chose to focus on his lips as he spoke. She didn't feel like fighting, he'd already seen her naked anyways. What was the use now?
"What was the orphanage really like?" He asked in way that didn't feel like he was making fun of her, but genuinely curious. Which made her a little more comfortable, concerning the question was something little sensitive. She felt heat rising to her cheeks, as he fully unbuttoned her shirt, and let it fall to the stone behind her as he lifted her into a princess hold, before setting her into the tub. That was now filled with warm water, that devolved her in its comfort.
She sank deeper into the water, watching as Aleksander grabbed random supplies. Placing the shampoo and body wash back down, before pausing, starting to unlace the front of his leather, black pants. Alina instinctively casted her eyes anywhere, but at the man that stood beside the tub.
After a few minutes, Alina felt Aleksander's strong build sink into the water in front of her, feeling defined calves stretch out on either side of her naked hips. She covered her face not knowing what else to do, before feeling large hands turning her around.
She flowed into their movements, before they leaned her back. Settling into a his warm chest. She tensed, feeling him press his chest, firmly against her back. The amount of skin to skin contact making her feel dizzy.
"You can open your eyes now, Alina." Aleksander's hot breath, ghosted over her neck and ear making her squirm as he swiped all of her hair to one side of her neck.
Then without warning, he placing the most gentle kiss, right at the nob at the back of her neck. Sending electricity coursing through her body, all the way down to her toes.
"So, are you ever going to answer my question?" He asked clearing trying to distract her from the movements that he made behind her, leaning to pick up what she assumed was shampoo.
Alina finally opened her eyes, facing the red pattered wall across from her before fully leaning back and looking up at the man behind her.
"Well, I'm having a little trouble concentrating at the moment.." She grumbled as she tried her best not focus on the thing that was also pressing into her lower back, that seemed to only grow harder the long it rested against her skin.
"Ignore that, it will go away in a moment. It reacts on it's own. May it no mind.."
He said to ignore it, but it was a pretty big thing, to just ignore. She thought frantically trying to focus of the floral wallpaper across from her. Yet, she tried her best.
"It was an old building with rough wood floors, and it was always cold during the winter and always way too hot during the summers. It was ran by a man and his wife. They were cruel, but the other staff wasn't too bad, always helping us when they could. We use to have an old cook that would always bake us cookies on our birthday, but for the rest of the year we ate flavorless oatmeal. He'd let me sit and sketch as he'd cook, sometimes." She mumbled as she felt skilled hands starting to scrub at her head, the smell of sweet lemon filling the room around them.
"We had small mattresses on the floor and one blanket each. But, at least I wasn't on the streets."
Aleksander merely humming in response, his curiosity not yet satisfied. He messaged her temples and raked kind fingers through her hair, scratching along the base of her skull as Alina groaned in comfort, leaving a subtle content smile on her lips.
"The orphanage was my home, but it never quiet felt that way. At least not after Mal left.. I wasn't lonely, but I felt unwanted a lot of the time. I was getting older and it was already difficult to keep all the girls feed. We'd get hit every morning with a ruler to the palm to remind us to behave. I was always hit the hardest." She shrugged hoping that was enough information. She didn't like talking about the orphanage much. She also noticed that Aleksander tensed when she mentioned being hit, so she assumed he didn't much like the idea either. "Is it my turn?"
"Yes, ask anything you like…" He grunted clear not caring to hear any more of the abused she suffered.
She thought for a moment about what she would like to ask, but was distracted with the wonderful feeling of his finger rubbing her head in the best of ways.
"Where did all the dresses you let me wear come from?" She asked settling on something simple.
He chuckled deep and low, the sound like music to her ears because it didn't sound cruel or sarcastic. "Are you worried it was my lover's dresses?" he asked play fully working his way down to the tips of her hair, before scooping water over her hair resining the soap out.
Alina pouted, "I'm the one asking the questions here.." She grumbled, dunking her head forward, making the resining easier, before popping her head back up again. She felt him shift again, noticing that his hard length remained the same, even harder now.
"Okay, okay. They came from the store and a few are my mothers. I bought them in the days that you spent passed out. The yellow one you wore was my mothers, she use to only dress in black, but she had one yellow dress. I keep it.. Reminded me of her, because she only wore it when she was in a good mood." He start messaging body wash into her sink, kneading his thumbs into her shoulders.
Alina nodded slowly thankful that it didn't belong to any past lovers, but would ever admit it to him openly. They remained silent for a moment, as the dark haired man messaged her back, before retching around her and starting to scrub at her stomach before moving up to her chest. She flinched dramatically, swatting at his hands.
"Hey!" She snapped, only earning her a chuckle from the man.
"I was only trying to clean you properly." He smirked playfully looking away, scratching at the corner of his cheek. She rolled her eyes, fully turning around and backing up into the other corner of the tub, facing him. She drank in his wet hair that was slicked back and cocky white smile, feeling her stomach flip and flop, trying her best not to look down, despite her being curious what 'it' looked like.
Her eyes flicked down for a slip second, not even fully seeing anything, other than an outline, but Aleksander noticed.
"You've never seen one.." He said more like a statement, rather than a question.
"No.." She whispered awkwardly, turning her head from him.
"You can look if you like. I'm not as prudish as you are. I have nothing to be a shamed of."
She could practically heard the smile he was making through his words, he handed her the sponge so she could finish cleaning herself.
"Arrogant much?" She huffed. "I'm good, thanks. I can't believe you waisted your turn on that question."
"It wasn't a question, I already knew the answer, by how red you are." He laughed grabbing the shampoo for himself, starting to scrub his hair with liquid that smelled like pine wood and menthol. She couldn't help smiling, now knowing where the smell came from. Also, a little from his teasing. "Are you scared to look?"
"I'm not scared, I'm just being respectful.." She scoffed. "unlike someone I know."
"Don't be, I never asked for your respect." He smirked, practically challenging her to look at him.
She narrowed her eyes at him, before finally looking down, fully staring before dropping her jaw.
It was a lot bigger than she thought... it didn't feel that big leaning against her back, but looking at it now still pressed hard against his lower stomach, it reached all the way to his belly button. Veiny and thick, the mushroom tip pink and smooth.
Not only that, but it was starting to twitch, making her quickly glance back up at Aleksander's face. She felt heat rush to her cheeks and neck when she did, because his eyes were half-lidded and filled with lust as he dragged is eyes over her. His muscular arm leaning against the tub, with his hand running across his lips as he looked her over.
"Don't look at me that way."
"What way?" He smirked, knowingly.
"Like you're going to eat me or something.."
"You liked it, when I ate you last time." He gave her a relaxed half-smile, pulling it to only one side of his face.
Alina huffed feeling even more heat on her cheeks, remembering the feeling of his mouth on her. His sinful tongue drawing circles around her most sensitive area. She shook her head at his behavior not wanting to think about how it made her all twitchy and tingly.
"Shut up.." She mumbled. "It's by turn anyways."
He nodded in agreement. "Go on."
There was one question that she was always very curious about, but no one would even tell her. She even asked Mal but he just blushed and refused to answer, and she didn't dare ask anyone else. Plus, this seemed like the perfect time to ask.
"How do people lose their virginity?" She whispered so quietly that he had to ask her to repeat it again, which she did only a little louder, though.
"You mean sex? You don't even know what sex is?.. You're joking. No one has told you?" He seemed almost concerned, as he clinched his eyebrows together and even closed his legs slightly, sitting completely up. He acted almost nervous and cleared his throat. "You cannot be that innocent."
"I asked Mal, but he refused to tell me. I don't even know, if he knew himself..." She frowned and pulled her thighs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees.
"Well um…" He started to blink rapidly, which was something that Alina noticed he did only when he was uncomfortable. She was surprised that this kind of question made him that way, considering he obviously has had sex before. "I wish you had told me before that you didn't even know how too, then… I don't know I wouldn't have.." He growled in frustration, tucking down and washing the soap from his hair. "It's something you should be shown, I guess. Being told isn't the best way.." He stammered slightly.
"You have to tell me. That's the rules, right?"
"Yes, but.. Alina.." Aleksander frowned with a deep sign, slicking back his hair once more.
"How will I ever know if no one tells me, huh?" She snapped and crossed her arms over her chest, causing him to glance down at her bare breast before instantly looking away again.
She waited as he swallowed hard, blinking madly at this point, refusing to make any form of eye contact. He just scowled at the wall on at his side, as he huffed and puffed looking like he was trying to find his words, during the war in his mind.
He rubbed his face and finally looked at her. "It's when a man and woman, become one. Connected, in a way." He all but grunted pointing downward.
She raised a single eyebrow and tried her best to understand what he meant, but only managed to look more confused.
He growled and rolled his eye. "Alina, when a man…" He trailed off, not even really wanting to say it out loud, not out of embarrassment, but something else entirely.
"Why is this so hard to explain, if you've already had sex?"
"Because, saying It in this way takes all the beauty out of it and you're only going to find it unappealing." He muttered. "Which is the opposite of how I want you to feel about it... I don't know how to say it in a way, that you'll know how amazing and wonderful it can be. It's just better to show, not tell."
"What do you mean.. Why do you think I'll find it unappealing?"
He growled and finally moving closer, making Alina freeze like a statue. He quickly grabbed her hand and pulling it under the water, pressing it against his length.
She gasped finding his appendage strange. How it was both hard and smooth, yet soft and warm.
"This..." He groaned the secound her hand made contact. Let her feel him, twitching in her palm, before pulling her and away, and prying her legs open, before laying his member between her legs.
"Goes here." He added before freezing in place, her shins flat against his chest, closed around his length, merely a few inches away from her aching nerve. "Except it goes inside of you."
They remained like that for a moment, as Alina pieced it together, feeling like a complete idiot that she couldn't figure it out on her own. Considering how obvious it was, before blushing wildly. She shoved him away as hard as she could, sending him crashing into the edge of the tub.
"Get off!" She hissed feeling humiliation and rage building.
"What! You're the one that wanted to know!" He growled, arms holding the edge of the tub.
"You didn't need to do that, to tell me!" She snapped. "And there is no way in hell, 'that'," She pointed down at his member. "Would ever fit inside of me."
He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Well that's why we do something call Foreplay… It helps relax you and makes you feel good. I'd use my fingers first to stretch you. It will still hurt at first, but after a while I promise it will feel good. Wonderful even, if the man knows what he's doing… And I didn't know how to say it without you finding me crude. Like it said, It's hard to say without sucking all of the spark out of it." He took a peek back at her and frowned deeply, noticing a hint of horror and shock on her face.
"Listen Alina…" He started, looking almost defeated. "It's not as weird as you think. It's only natural, meaningful even."
"How could it be meaningful, if you've already been intimate with so many women.. What would make it be so different for me?" She mumbled.
"God... No more questions, It's my turn." He pleaded, not wanting her question to be directed at him for a moment. "Are you still planning on saving yourself for this Mal, fellow?"
"I don't know.. I want to find him first, I never really thought. About sex with him yet. I was saving my first kiss for him, but now it just feels silly now that it's gone. But, If I live forever I don't mind waiting, until I at least see him again. If doesn't like me anymore than no, I won't wait.." Alina finished with a shrug.
"What were you doing while I was locked away?" She asked with pleading eyes.
Aleksander sighed. "About that.. there was something I want to show you… I was planning on using this to hurt you.. But now that I know I was slightly mislead, it feels a little cruel…"
What was possibly so cruel that, even the darkling himself felt it was cruel.. Was he going to let her go?
? ゚ブ?
