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ALINA
"This is dumb." Alina grumbled, sweat dripping down her spine like a river. She had been running the same drill over and over again for two weeks straight now. She was starting to think that Aleksander wanted her to suffer. All he did was bark at her to try harder, and run faster. Lecturing her endlessly with ways to do this and do that. It was exhausting. "It's been 4 hours, and I'm tired!" She whined, not caring that he was glaring daggers at her, from across the room. He was even more distant now, than before. He wasn't cruel, but he wasn't flirty or saractitic anymore either. He never joked or was playful and it bugged her.
"One more time, Then we can go outside and sunbathe." Aleksander called out, sending another wave of fog in her direction. "You can relax then."
She groaned loudly in protest, as she struggled to send a beam of light cutting through it, making the annoyingly handsome man come back into view. His hair still slicked back perfectly. She glared at him. His vest, and button down still tucked into his waist, unwrinkled and crisp. His tight fitting pants looked clean. While, she was wearing one of his old, over-sided shirts, and leggings that were held to her hips by one of his brown leather belts.
After yesterday, she complained about ruining her dresses and not being able to move as easily as she would have liked. His solution was dressing her like a boy, and braiding her back strictly back. The white shirt she wore was clinging to her skin, tented by moisture that seeped from every pore. When she woke up, it was just sitting on her bed. He's been avoiding her since kissing her last time during the first training seacon. Now, keeps his distance for the most part, only subtle touches here and there. She didn't mind it at first, in fact she liked the space. But now the space was growing suffocating.
She was starting to feel lonely, when he wasn't around and she hated it.
"Are we done, NOW?" The girl heaved a few breaths, as Aleksander rolled his eyes, at her complaints, clearly becoming more accustomed to her mannerisms.
"Yes, but tomorrow. We need to start working on you splitting pure darkness. Then, after lunch, we should work on bending the light into new forms. You're still only manifesting lightning." Aleksander walked over her, and tilted her chin up. Moving it side to side, inspecting her overheated face.
She sucked in a sharp breath at his cool fingers. He hadn't touched her once in the last three days, not since that kiss. He had been keeping his distance. Aleksander's flat expression revealed nothing of what was going on behind his dark orbs.
"What?" She asked. Straighten her back, confused at his sudden closeness. He opened his mouth, but nothing exited his lips, before closing them again.
Shaking his head and pulling away as he took a step back. "I'll get you some water. You look dehydrated." He added simply turning around.
Weird…
She sat down on the cool marble floor, letting her sore muscles have a moment to relax. The worn out girl wiped her face down with the tails of her shirt, and looked up at the angels and demons overhead.
Every time I call on the light it responds now. Without having to think about anything. Who knew that just a little bit of training could make such a difference. I'm not getting stronger, but it's getting easier.
Alina breathed out a long sigh, not knowing what to make of her situation anymore. Aleksander was being borderline helpful and caring. It was making her head spin. Yesterday, he even ran her a hot bath and let her bathe alone, for the first time, since she'd gotten here. Looking down at her ankle and frowns.
Maybe, He's only being nice because he knows that someday I'll be powerful enough to breath his shadow chain?
She plays with the chain that leads nowhere, but shackles her to this fate. Binding her to a man, that she still hasn't wrapped her head around. Distant footsteps echoed toward her. Alina quickly looked forward, seeing Aleksander nearing her with a glass of water.
"Don't waste your time trying to break that. It's not made from my abilities alone." The dark man spoke flatly, holding out the glass for her to take it. Alina huffed before snatching the glass from his hands, and tilting it back. Gulping the whole thing down in one go, before gasping a breath.
"Took you long enough.." She grumbled wiping her mouth. "So, what is it then?" Tugging the chain slightly, seeing Aleksander's hand pull forward.
"It's a spell. Real Magik." He takes the glass from her fingers, sipping the small bit that was left in the bottom. "I'm the only one that can free you."
"Wait, are our abilities not Magik?" Alina eyed him, confusion swirling behind the strands of hair that fell from her braid.
Aleksander sat in front of her, placing his elbows on his propped knees, letting his hands dangle. Alina sat crisscrossed between them, as she waited on what was going to be another long lecture. She was growing used to them by now. The second day of training he gave her the longest lecture over, breathing.
Bloody breathing… An hour, about breathing through your nose and out your mouth. You have to extend your powers when you exhale for the best result.. Blah, blah, blah..
"Our abilities aren't Magik. It's more akin to Alchemy." He starts rubbing the back of his head, rolling his neck as he spoke. "Something in us, takes the energy of our emotions and mixes it with whatever element that is compatible with that emotion. Once the call is made, that mixture becomes complete."
"So, when we emerged, my powers. That was completing the mixture?"
"In a manner of speaking. I don't know the exact science, because it isn't science. You aren't creating things from thin air. You're just pulling from what's already there. But, this…" Aleksander cool finger tips, graze over the flesh of her ankle, sending goosebumps up her legs, and settling in her spine. "This isn't created from my shadow, but it is my own creation. It's created from my life source… I will still have a never long life, but it weakened me when I first created it about a century ago. But once created, I can use the spell at any time, without drawing on my life force."
Alina was still having trouble understanding. The finger still lingering on her skin was more distracting than she would have liked. Leaving feather light touches, that left tingles in their wake. Yet, despite that she gave him a slow nod. "I see. Will you teach me how to do that as well?"
"Not for a very long time. Even, I haven't mastered it yet. It can be very unpredictable. The first time I tried to create the spell, it failed. Killing the person that I was trying to capture." He shrugged in a dismissive way, as he finally pulled his touch from her skin, running it through his hair instead.
I know, he's killed people. But, for some reason hearing it from his lips is odd. This is the first time he's talked about someone dying at his hands. Alina swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding understandably.
"So, it's dangerous. Got it."
"And almost impossible to control. That's why other than that chain, and the fog that surrounds the forest, I have yet to use Makic, again."
"Wait.." Alina scans over Aleksander's mild expression tilting her head to the side, making her braid fall over her shoulder. "The fog isn't your own ability?"
Aleksander gives her a soft smile, before standing letting a hand fall for her to take. "It is, but not all of it. But, that's a story for another day. We need to get you some sun before midday is over."
Only giving me small bites at a time, so I don't starve … She scoffs, not pushing it. She knew Aleksander doesn't tell you anything, unless he wants to. Alina slipped her hand into his as she practically lifted her off of her feet, with just one strong arm. Letting her back down, easy.
"Can I have some of that sweet wine as we sit outside?" Alina asked, a bit more hopeful than she meant too.
"Alina.." He sighed. "I already told you. It dehydrates you. You-
"I promise not to drink more than a few glasses. But, I've been really good, and I won't complain for the rest of the week!" She begs half-jokingly, half-serious. The slave driver hasn't let her have any since they played that awful question game. She's still convinced that that's the real reason he refuses to let her drink again.
He most likely thinks I'm harder to deal with when I drink. Although, he may be right. I've been pretty good at obeying his commands this week. Then again, his commands are less outlandish now, too.
Aleksander sighed, but a slow smirk curled at his lips, despite his fanned annoyance. "Only if you don't complain for two weeks." He held up two fingers, dropping her hand.
"Deal." She quickly chirps, her energy coming back at the very thought of relaxing in the sun, with a bottle of wine.
"But, if you drink today. Then, we can't practice on form today, either. That means more work tomorrow." He adds giving her a shake of his head, humor playing on his sharp features.
"So, I can take today to relax?"
"Might as well, if we'll be drinking.." He mumbles with a roll of his eyes, starting to make his way back up the stairs, as she follows him closely behind. He slowed down just enough to allow her to walk beside him.
"Finally.." She grumbled, earning a soft chuckle from the tall man at her side.
They stayed in step as he opened the door to the second set of spiral stairs to the green house and the third floor balcony. He gestured with his hand, for her to go ahead of him. Walking through, she took the steps sluggishly. Cursing the creator of this home, for building so many stairs. She felt completely drained, using the promise of wine to push her forward.
Once at the top, she breathed in the sweet natural scent of dirt, and greenery, already feeling more relaxed. The first half covered by glass, that kept the plants that were out of season, safe from the weather. The first time he brought her here, she was amazed. It was still captivating to her even now, with all of the vibrant colored flowers and herbs that covered the 20 foot by 20 foot area. Ivy falling from the beams overhead, making it feel like his own little forest.
Alina walked through letting her nibble fingers, skim over nearby roses, and whitish pink lilies. Reaching the end of the greenhouse, she opened the glass door to the open deck. The midday sun bouncing off of the most light toned furniture, in a way that reminded her of heaven.
She closed her eyes the instant she breached the doorway, basking in the feeling. The breeze was crisp and calming against her sweaty skin, blowing back her braid. Quickly walking towards the railing, she looked over the forest below.
She looked behind her at Aleksander, who was busy pulling a wine bottle from a drink cart that he kept tucked under a small white awning. Mosquito nets hung from the cream toned covering that enclosed the small area that was closer to the building.
Alina loved this large deck more than another part of his home. It was marble tiled with gold between the groves, with medium sized pillars and golden guard rail that framed it perfectly. With ashy lounging couches that sloped down on the side. Obviously made to lay on your side, with only one arm rest, with small tables next to them. In the corner set a small table with two chairs and an oversize umbrella that offered shade. She never knew how Aleksander managed to keep such a large house so clean, but she figured he did have a lot of time on his hands before she arrived.
It was like something that she saw in one of Mr. Keramzin's books about ancient Greece. White thin fabric was wrapped around the railing, giving it an almost dreamy appearance with the vast treetops behind.
It framed the dark green mountains perfectly, with the midday sun reflecting off of the fog that seeped between the trees. Stepping over to one of the chaise lounges, plopping down. Leaning over to untie the oversized boots that Aleksander let her borrow.
She was working to loosen the knot in her laces, when she felt a biting coldness on the base of her neck. Snapping her back straight, and quickly turning around, as she kicked off the boots carelessly.
"What the heck!" She growled holding the back of her neck, before noticing Aleksander's smirking face, offering a glass of pink sparkling wine. Some of his mead in a smaller, crystal cup was perched in his other hand, closer to him.
"Oh.. thanks.." She mumbled taking the steamed glass from his hands, any frustration fading away at the sight of her wine.
"You should take off the shirt, so that you get more sun." Taking a sip of his mead, before clearing his throat. "You're wearing that tank top underneath, right?"
Alina took a long sip of her wine, noticing that it was different than last time. It was sweeter, with a hint of something tangy. It was refreshing like strawberry or maybe raspberry. Placing the glass on the side table next to her, she started undoing the buttons on her shirt. "Yeah, I didn't forget."
The Darkling had subjected that to get more sun, meant revealing more skin. At first she was nervous. But, He kept good on his word of not trying anything again with her, since that time in the cave. So, it had become routine to sit out here, in one of his old undershirts. She sunbathed on the lawn chairs, with him keeping an eye on her as he tended to his greenhouse. He usually tried his best to stay out of the sun.
So, she was surprised to see Aleksander lazily dragging one of the chairs next to her. Before, pulling one of the large umbrellas that stood on its own, over to the chair and sitting down. It made sense why he wanted to be in the shade, but it was amusing for the girl. He was tall and downright intimidating. Yet right now, he looked like one of those high class ladies trying to maintain their pale complexion.
He sat with his back straight, and a foot rested on one knee, hidden from the sun in his little shade, that only covered him. Even tucking a shoe covered foot back, when he noticed that sun was touching the tip of his shiny boot. He studied the scenery, sipping on his mead with glare fixed on his face. Like, the sun was insulting him personally by daring to touch his boot.
He's almost approachable like this… Not scary in the least. Alina's amusement must have been playing on her face, because Aleksander planted his glare onto her.
"What?" He asked as she shook her head, slipping the white shirt off of her arms completely and tossing it to the side, on top of the table next to her wine.
"Nothing." She chuckled to herself, at the thought of him looking grumbly on a beach somewhere, with sunscreen on his nose. Reclaiming her glass of wine, as she relaxed back into the plush breathable fabric of the couch.
Aleksander shifted his jaw to the side, squinting his eyes at her. "Are you making fun of me, Solntse?"
"I wouldn't dream of it, my lord." Alina scoffed sarcastically, only making Aleksander glare harder. "I'm just impressed with your dedication to keeping your skin pale."
"Lord? I kind of like that. You should call me that from now on..." He joked flatly, but shifted awkwardly to his seat. Rolling his jaw a few more times, looking away. Taking a long sip of his drink before giving her a disapproving click of his tongue. "And as for my skin, I don't care either way. But, the sun makes you stronger, and me weaker. I can't have that when we're training." He spoke like was trying to justify his actions, blinking quickly again, showing discomfort. He looked away, furrowing his brows.
I think he's flustered… That thought caused Alina to pause. She felt her lips being pulled into a smile, before the more she thought about it. He had never looked remotely embarrassed once. He didn't even have the nerve to look nervous when he was doing unspeakable things to her body. Even then, he didn't look as flustered as he did at this moment.
"I know, but it's still kind of comical to see you sitting pretty under your umbrella." She tried to force down the smile that was still growing into a grin on her face, but she just couldn't.
"Don't bite the hand that feeds." Aleksander grumbled. "I can still take your wine away." He pointed a finger at her threateningly with the same hand that held his mead. His usual self returned, much faster than she would have liked.
Alina bit her lips to keep a giggle from coming out, before taking a long sip and smacking her lips.
"Fair enough. So why are you sitting out here with me today?"
"I can leave, if you want to be alone. I just figured I'd drink with you, before I made something for lunch." He shrugged nonchalantly, but made no effort to move. "Despite you always calling me a slavedriver, I too like to relax occasionally."
"No. It's okay.." She blurted out, without even thinking.
Aleksander grunted in response, nodding slowly up and down. Glancing at her over his glass as he took another sip of his mead.
I really don't mind it, I wonder why... I still hate him, nothing has changed. So, why does this feel weirdly comfortable?
He's been almost kind the last two or so days, and for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what's changed. She wasn't fighting him on everything anymore, so it could be that. But, he's also been avoiding her more too. He hadn't been sleeping in the bed with her, or even really saying more than a few words, unless it had to do with her training. He's been giving her space... The only time that they spend together, other than training, is when he lets her sit in the kitchen as he cooks. Even then, he remains mostly silent as she draws. After that first time, he hasn't asked to look at her drawings, either.
She propped her elbows on the one armrest, flopping on her stomach looking up at him. Almost choking on his drink at her sudden action, her face only about three feet away from him.
"What, now?" He coughed slightly, growling at her.
She shrugged. "I'm just trying to figure you out, that's all."
"There's nothing to figure out." He grumbled, blinking rapidly not meeting her eyes. Choosing to focus on her lips, or her nose, but never into her golden orbs.
There's that flush again… He may not turn red, but I'm starting to catch on to his subtle tells… I kind of like him like this.
"Sure, there is." She said simply. "I hardly know anything about you."
Aleksander frowned, his eyebrows creasing as he gazed into his crystal cup, swirling the liquid. The ice clinked against the glass, as he sighed. "You already know more than most. What more would you possibly want to know?"
Alina let the question bounce around in her head, as she sipped her wine.
"Like, do you like music? Or what's your favorite book, or author? Do you have an interest outside of cooking and kidnapping girls?" Alina spoke as she watched the dark man's shoulder tense with her last question. "Normal things, I guess."
He paused, seeming to chew on the question for a long while, studying his drink like it was a puzzle, he just couldn't seem to piece together. She figured he was starting to fade back into silence, like he's been doing all week if she started asking anything. Frowning she sipped her wine, setting a glare on his hands as they flexed close then open again. Breathing in the fresh scent of pine, oak and rain, as the wind took hold of her braids.
"Faust."
The word was carried on the breeze, hitting her like a title wave.
"Huh?" Alina looked at him in shock, as he kept his eyes in his cup.
"My favorite book is Faust, Part One." He answered plainly again, overlooking the outstretching forest. "Well, it's a play that I've read, but you get the idea." He corrects with a tilt of his dark head.
Wow, he actually answered me without a fight…
"What's it about?" She asked, letting her heels move back and forth in the air, enjoying the sun that kissed her skin. Placing the cool wine glass against her neck, letting it cool her down. She didn't want him to stop talking about it. A part of her wanted to know whatever little crumbles of his likes and dislikes as he could give her. She hated that she wanted to know, but she hated not knowing just as much.
"It's a German tragedy, by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe." He starts, before taking another sip of mead. "Mephistopheles, who is the devil, makes a bet with God. That he can turn Faust, an old philosopher with great talent, away from the light."
Alina was surprised that it was a religious play. She would have thought that he hated religion, well… If it wasn't for the fact that he hand paintings on Angels and Demons painted on every inch of his ceiling. "What then?"
"Well, After becoming bored of the world and learning all that he could from the world. Feeling like he's already read everything and still didn't gain any higher knowledge. He tries commits suicide, but the church bells stop him."
"Interesting.. Is that how the devil tries to tempt him? Trying to make him sad?" She wonders aloud, fully engrossed in the story already. Settling deeper into the plush fabric beanither her, as she listens.
"In a way, yes, he uses Faust's boredom against him. The devil makes him a deal. Telling Faust that he will give him all the pleasures known to man, making him wish that he was immortal. If Faust ends up wishing to live forever, then he'd have to become a servant of evil. Faust accepts the deal, believing that there is nothing in this world that could make him want to be alive for eternity."
"So, wait if he agrees to the deal, doesn't that mean God loses the bet?"
"Not yet, only if Faust loses the deal with The Devil, does God also lose." Aleksander adds, holding up a patient index finger, relaxing into his seat as well. He leaned closer to her, hair falling in his gaze as he did, a slight curl to his lips. Settling into the conversation, like Alina had settled into the cushions. Eyes burning with passion over his dark retellings.
"Mephistopheles tries to tempt him with wine, but it turns to fire. Then with a witch, that makes him 30 years younger. But he's still dissuaded from living, Then again with women on his deep desire. Nothing worked." He took a sip of his mead, wetting his throat. As Alina hung on his every word, inthralld by his soften expression, and calm words. "Until, one day he sees a young woman, walking out of church, and instantly falls in love with her. Faust convinced the devil to help persuade her to love him. His lust became his biggest adversary, despite rejecting the images the devil conjorger only a day ago. Her innocent beauty captivated him, despite his guilt."
"Why would he feel guilt over loving someone?" Alina peered up not understanding.
"Faust was much older than her. The witch made him look younger, but in reality he was a jaded old man that knew much more about the way the world worked. He knew deep down that it was unfair to take advantage of her. She was sad about her brother going to war and her mother being ill. He used that to his advantage, but ran from her after the guilt became too overwhelming at one point. But, Mephistopheles, convinces him to return. Saying that she was longing for him, every day and night."
"What happens, then?" She asks, her feet wiggling faster back and forth in the air, as she takes a sip of her wine. "Do they fall in love?"
"You'll just have to read it." Aleksander breaks a small smirk, peering at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Booooo…" She complains of jutting out her bottom lip in a pout, dissatisfied by the answer. "Is that why you have angels and demons painted on the ceiling?"
"Maybe, Faust or Paradise Lost. The idea of angels and demons always interested me. We all have angels in demons warring in our heads." He whispered with a faraway look in his eyes once more, like when he spoke about his mother, the first time he let her watch him cook.
There he goes, saying more things that make me wonder what he's really thinking.
"What's your favorite book?"
Alina looks up at the clouds that moved past them slowly, and the birds that flew around the puffy whiteness. "I only had a few books to read at Keramzin. The headmaster had an office, with a small library, that I was allowed to use. But, he had this one book…" She paused wondering if she should tell him the truth, since it was a little embarrassing.
"What was it?"
"Amelia by Henry Fielding." She whispered, a light flush covering her cheeks at the admission.
A teasing smile grows over Aleksander's lips. "Oh, a romance book..." He cooes knowingly.
"Don't…" She warned, feeling like the next thing he'd say would be insulting.
Aleksander gave her a warm rumbling laugh, his head falling back slightly. The sound sending waves of contentment and bliss to wash over her. It was absent of cruelty and filled with sincerity. This was the first time he had laughed honestly with her. It made every hair stand on end, as she moved to sit up. With one foot under her butt, and one dangling off of the couch, hiding her own smile behind her wine glass. His laughter was contagious, despite feeling like it was at her expense.
"Don't worry, I'm not making fun of you. It's just fitting for a girl, your age." Aleksander breathed out. "But, that one is rather sad too, isn't it? I don't quite remember all of it."
Girl of my age? He's making me sound like a child again…
"So, you've read it?" She was mildly surprised that he even knew of the book, let alone read it. Considering it seemed like something he'd have no interest in, he was clearly more interested in depressing poems and dark plays.
"A while back. But, I would have pegged you for a Little Women fan or Pride and Prejudice. But, Amelia is not what I expected."
Alina shrugged, "I didn't read those, but I think I related to Amelia. She went against her parents wishes and married an officer, William. They ran away and got married in secret. They go through money issues, only to have him ripped away from her and sent to prison on false claims of theft. She waited for him like a caring wife would and when she got into an accident and broke her nose, they told her she'd never look the same. She was so worried that her husband would come out and never love her again. But, He did. It's a beautiful love story, it's not that sad… It was the first book I read after Mal was ripped from me."
Aleksander stiffened at the mention of Malyen, but kept his intense gaze fixed on her. "Yes, but didn't he forget about her and fall in love with someone else while he was in prison?"
Alina frowned and looked at the tree line, feeling like that hit a little closer to home than she would have liked, remembering the blonde woman next to Mal. She wondered what her name was. What she was like. If she was his first choice...
"Yes... He did find some interest in Miss. Mathews. But, he goes back to Amelia in the end, because he grows in love with her…" She counters, feeling the need to defend the fictional character.
"Only because Miss. Mathews couldn't get out of prison. He was infatuated by Miss. Mathews to begin with, not Amelia. Amelia taught him that women could be intelligent and resourceful, yet he still was unfaithful to her, while she remained completely devoted to William. He squandered her love, and Amelia still accepted him. Amelia deserved better." Aleksander sipped his mead, not knowing how hurtful his words were. Clearly, only referring to the book. But to Alina... It felt crushing, as she listened silently, eyes still fixed on the distant terrain.
I know he's not speaking about Mal… But, it certainly feels that way.
"If I was in his shoes, I would have escaped to get Amelia back. It annoyed me that he only saw her for who she was, after he got out of prison for the second time…" He ranted on, as Alina let his words sink into her very soul, burying deep into the crevices of her chest. Her whole body went rigid, setting her spine straight, suddenly wishing she had the oversized shirt on. She felt exposed to Aleksander's observations, feeling his gaze burning into the side of her face.
A wound slowly reopening, the longer she studied the mountains in the foreground, watching as clouds brush over the tips of the huge rocks. Alina sipped her wine, as a burning question sat on the tip of her tongue, like bitter salt.
"So does that make Miss. Mathews or Amelia?" She asked with eyes still trained on the towering rocks, not wanting him to see the truth that her eyes held.
He went dead silent. She noticed him shifting uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye, the implication of his words finally sinking in. He sighs as if he just realized how insensitive his words were, remembering the obvious.
"To me.." He whispered huskily, like he was having trouble getting the words to press past his unwilling lips. "You're both."
The words hung in the air, as she tried to work up the nerve to look at his face. Hesitantly, glancing up at him from under her lashes. She searched his gaze, trying to find the lie in his words, but he looked back at her with nothing but honesty in his orbs. She felt like she was sinking to his now dark gray pools, that kept her stapled to her seat. His lips pulled into a full line and his jaw clenched in seriousness.
What does that even mean? That I'm both infatuating and intelligent? That couldn't possibly be the case. This man only wants me around so he's not alone. Nothing more than something to keep the boredom at bay… I'm just a toy.
Aren't I? She was taken back to his words after they had found Mal.
'I would have done anything…' Had he truly meant those words?
"Alina…" He starts before trailing off finally, breaking eye contact. Clearing his throat, and blinking rapidly. Like, he was trying to clear his mind of something, instead.
"Yes?" She finally strangled out, feeling like she couldn't breathe. Nervousness gripping her words, not letting anymore air onto her lungs. Her body felt like it was on fire, every nerve ending tingling, as she waited with bated breath for his next words.
Aleksander ran a hand through his hair roughly drinking the rest of his mead in one big gulp. "Would you like more wine?" He finally asked quickly standing, dissolving any tension that was building between them.
Trying not to seem disappointed, she forced a fake smile to her lips. "Yes, please." Alina said, her words coming out stronger than she felt. She held out her glass to him, as he took it and walked back to the drink cart. She could hear the clanking of bottles behind her, but she kept her eyes on the forest.
What was I expecting? I'm going crazy.. Just because he gives you one reassuring compliment, all of sudden you get all nervous?! I'm seriously losing it. There's no way that I'm starting to feel something for the man that kidnapped and tortured me… I hate this man, don't I?
Don't I?
"So, anyways…" Aleksander continued from behind her, breaking her from thought. "What made you like drawing?" He asked as he strolled back, handing her a now full wine glass.
She takes it and takes a decent gulp, making him give her a raised brow, setting himself back into the shade. "I think Mal saw me drawing a deer in the sand and said it was good. I think I was just trying to impress him at first… But, I grew to enjoy it. I would like to try painting someday, but I have no idea how to make it..."
"I see." Aleksander's nonchalant mood darkens slightly at the mention of Mal again, but he remains composed. "Well, I have a book on how to make paints. My mother gave it to me, sometime back… We could take a crack at it for your birthday or something. When is your birthday?" He asks, not so subtly, changing the subject away from her childhood friend.
Alina looked at him suddenly realizing that she had no idea what day or month they were even in, she hadn't even thought about it. Everything in her life has kept her mind spinning too fast to even consider what day it was, let alone even thinking about her birthday. "Wait, what month are we in?"
"We're in April. It's April 2nd. I believe."
"I missed it!" She whines, suddenly frowning. "I don't know what my true birthday is, but I came to the orphanage on February 4th!" She cries out, feeling like she was robbed out of her yearly cookie that the cook would make for her on her birthday.
"You've turned seventeen, am I correct?" Aleksander asked, a little sympathy slipping into his dark eyes. But it was gone as soon as it had come.
"Yes…" She groaned, gulping down the rest of her wine, and pointing an accusatory finger at him, already starting to feel a little fuzzy. "You owe me a snickerdoodle cookie!" Alina growled, as he gave her an amused, yet confused smirk.
"A snickerdoodle cookie?" He repeated, giving her a look like she was a little odd.
"Yes! Every year, the cook makes me a snickerdoodle cookie. You kidnapped me, so I better get one, since you cheated me out of mine! I'm am owned my cookie." She growls crossing her arms, but he only seems to look more interested instead of threatened, like how she wished he would be.
"Okay, okay… I'll make it for you. But, I'm not a very good baker." Aleksander chuckled as he threw his hands up in mock surrender. "But, you do know that you won't get that cookie either way, because they were going to sell you off, right?.." Aleksander smirked at her childishness, but she didn't care. She wanted her stupid cookie.
"Yes, I'm fully aware. But, It's my birthday right? That's what I want."
"Technically, it has already passed."
"Don't care.." She grumbled, placing her empty wine glass on the small table next to her. "When is your birthday?"
"I don't remember." He said honestly, relaxing back into his chair, crossing his legs. "I don't think my mother ever told me what it was, actually."
"That's sad. Your mother never celebrated with you?" Alina asked, picking up her glass and refilling it, before laying back down on the chaise lounge, her elbows back on the arm rest near Aleksander.
His dark head fell to one side, a deadpan expression landing on his features. Giving her an obvious look that asked. 'What do you think?'
Apparently not…
"Well maybe we should celebrate together.. We can share my birthday.." She whispered, feeling a little awkward all of a sudden, not knowing why she was offering. Yet, she felt a little sad that he never had a birthday gift in his long life. "My birthday isn't my real one either, so it works out."
Aleksander expression eased, unwinding his knitted brows, with his full lips parting for a moment in consideration. He just looks at her, making her feel more uncomfortable as time passed, as she swallowed hard wanting to take it back.
"Neverm-
"Very well, What would you give me for my birthday?" He asked, sipping his mead, before rubbing a hand down his jaw. His fingers brushed over his lips, in a way that made Alina's heart thump in her chest.
I don't have anything that I can give this man.. Except..
"I'll do a portrait of you. Like, one of those big ones that sit over fireplaces." She said, snapping her finger, before Aleksander leaned over and clinked their glasses together. "Deal, Happy birthday to us." He said, taking a sip of his mead in agreement.
She smiled softly and took a sip of her wine as well, a sinking filling in her belly. As she just realized that she willingly signed herself up for many long hour seasons with the man that she was supposed to hate.
Damnit.. Alina thought, slipping her eyes closed trying to focus on the sweet alcohol on her lips. What in the world did I just agree to?
Once done sunbathing, and what seemed like a year of awkward silences, Aleksander finally stood to tend to his plants. The strange man grunted something about it being too hot today, not watering his lilies. He watered and cared for the little sprouts of life, more than he had even cared for most other humans. But it didn't stop the burning sensation of his eyes still on her. He may have been allowing her to now do some things alone, but his warry eyes were never too far away.
He still didn't trust me not to run away, as if I had anywhere else to go.. . She sat there as the sun washed over skin, making her once frail and pale body feel nurtured and sunkissed.
Aleksander had left her the wine, and she broke the promise of only having a few glasses. She was surprised how quickly she had built up a tolerance to the burning sweetness. She figured she was drunk the morgitaty of the time that she spent in the darkness. Something about remembering that time gave her pause. She let her eyes follow the happy drifting clouds that offered no unwelcomed shade to grace her skin and pondered. Pondered if that time in the dark has taught her more about herself, than about Aleksander. She didn't know if it was the alcohol or her his whip flash moods that had her lost in thought.
Alina flipped over on the overly stuffed cushions under her, and stared up at the vanilla skies, raising a hand to the sun. Fitting her thumb to the size of the yellow star that burned black spots into her vision.
I don't think him and I are all that different after all… Perhaps, I've misunderstood his anger for hatred. Misunderstood his silence as malice. Perhaps, He is just as confused as I am. He didn't ask to be born with the power of darkness, anymore than I asked to be born with the power of light.
Perhaps, we are both trapped here.
Alina didn't like that she was thawing to the man that she once believed to be pure evil. His once dark features are just a reflection of cruel intentions, now… Seemed more like shaded expressions to mask something that he was too untrusting to show. Not weakness, but uncernity. She thought back to the play that he spoke of, and the words he said after.
'We all have angels in demons, warring in our heads.'
The words echoing through her mind, like a bull in a china cabinet. Wreaking every other thought inside her mind. Yet coming to the same conclusion. That she too felt like she was battling with her own thoughts.
Could he really be such a monster if I related to him? If he felt what I felt? If he craved wanting to not be lonely.
She dropped her hand from the hole in the heavens floor, and carelessly laid it against her forehead. A groan from deep in her belly billowed, through the air. Her skin still tingled with a lingering glance from the quiet man. She wanted to shake off the feeling, but it only made her mind wonder more.
Her mind continued to spin out of control.
After her thoughts went back and forth for what felt like a long while, Alexsander was suddenly standing over her, peering down at her back. She didn't even have to turn around to know it was him. She could smell the earthy scent of soil, and the sweet smell of cloves and lilies, before he grunted to get her attention. She didn't turn around, resting her head on her crossed arms.
"Lunch time?" She asked, knowing that he was most likely wanting her to come with him.
What was I going to do? Jump off the roof? I can light a room, not fly..
He didn't say a word, as a cool finger tip glided down the nape of her neck to between her shoulder blades, causing goosebumps to blossom under the feather light touch. Ripples of a shiver following his almost barely there contact. She froze, her eyes snapping open wide not sure what he was going to do next.
"You use a bruise running down your spine…" He whispered, before letting his hand rest palm down, right between her shoulders. "I don't understand why you aren't healing as fast as me.."
She stiffened, not daring to make any sudden movements, this was the first time in weeks that he had made any physical contact that wasn't either absolutely necessary or brief as possible. He kept his cool hand still, as she could feel the grains of soft soil on her sweat dampened back. She knew it was going to leave a dirty hand print.
His touches linger enough without proof.
"Do you hate my touch that much?" His voice was almost pained, as she grasped holding her breath.
"I…" She started finally looking over her shoulder at him, but paused as he drugged his hand down, streaking the dark soil down her tank top.
"I feel like every time I touch you, it looks like this. Just a little more dirty, a little more unclean." Aleksanders face was flat, but his starless eyes were trained on her back. His hand was gentle and soft as she let a slow dragged breath go. "I feel like I'm ruining you." He finished the softest whisper, and if she was watching his lips, she wondered if she'd even be able to make out his words. The echo of sadness drained from his eyes.
Why would he feel like he's dirtying me? Does he truly believe that I'm that innocent? I don't think so, but to him, am I that inexperienced? He was much older, but for my age, I'm normal.. But he does view me as a child, so I'm surprised. But what's so bad about a simple touch like this? We've done much more intimate things, haven't we?
Then, like breaking from a spell that he was under, Aleksander pulled his hand away from her skin. As she felt like she could finally catch her breath, before he stole it once more, meeting her eyes. He was shined with the thinnest layer of sweat, his hair falling in his face with dirt smudge on his high cheekbones and the edge of his thick yet short, well groomed beard. A drop falling off of his nose, as her stomach dropped with it.
"You say I glow, so I can't hate it." Alina whispered feeling like she was being pulled into his blackhole, the truth unable to escape. "So why ask me that?"
"Just because your body feels something, doesn't mean that your heart agrees."
She froze, not having a clue how she was supposed to respond to such a statement. She truly wasn't sure how she felt about him, but to say she hated his touch… Sure, Aleksanders personality grated on every nerve, but there was something else about him. Something, she herself didn't have a clue as to why, but it couldn't have been described as hatred anymore.
She searched his eyes, but he remained completely still, expecting a response. But, the confused girl could only feel like a fish out of water opening and closing her mouth.
Was this mysterious man really opening up to me in some small way? And with no prying, no less. But, how the hell do I respond to that? He kidnaped me, torched me… I should be telling him that I hate him, that he's evil, that he's….
"I don't know yet…" Alina finally whispered, as he gave her a small nod, but he could hide a flash of something akin to disappointment that wrapped its way around the man's clenched jaw.
"I need to make lunch. Put your shirt on." Aleksander ordered as she quickly followed, thankful that she didn't have to endure this awkward conversation anymore. But, she didn't miss the edge to his tone, reminding her that this man was still unpredictable.
Just because a wolf looks calm, does not mean that it's domesticated. She reminded herself, as she buttoned Aleksander's shirt back up over her now stained tank top.
They made their way to the kitchen and Aleksander made sandwiches in silence as Alina stared at one of the apples on the counter. Trying to focus on anything other than the glances that the handsome man kept sneaking, obvious to the fact that she was glancing right back. The quiet was suffocating, stifling any thought. Each word died on Alina's lips, the second she opened her mouth. They fell lifelessly around her, making a thousand graves around her bare feet.
She wanted to ask why he felt dirty, why he felt like he was ruining her. She thought that that's what he wanted. He wanted her broken, so why did he sound so pained when he said those words to her. She decided to push all the thoughts away, focusing on her little sketch that was seeming to wander to his hands, or his eyes. Little fraction of his face in random parts of the page, making a frown form on her lips. He was starting to invade even more of her mind, spilling over to her numb heart.
It was scaring her.
a clink beside her, let her know that he had finished her meal as she gave him a quiet thank you. It was hardly more than a whisper, as she set her sketch down. She felt a pang in her chest, as a single large snickerdoodle cook set on the side of her plate. She didn't even notice that he was preparing it.
Alina's mouth watered at the scent of cinnamon and sugar, completely dismissing the smell of fresh ham and cheese that wafted from the sandwich. The cookie was misshapen and a little too brown around the edges, but she didn't care. It was one of the most wonderful things she had ever seen.
"It's not the best, but it's what you wanted." He grumbled taking a bite of his sandwich as he hailed himself onto the counter top, sitting on the wooden frame.
"Thank you." She whispered, taking a hesitant bite, before melting into her stool. The cookie didn't look flawless, but it tasted like heaven in a circle. "It's really good." She smiled around her bite, taking another much bigger this time. He gave her a soft smile.
"This isn't your birthday present, but I'm glad you like it."
? ゚ブ?
The sun was setting as Alina looked out the window, idly brushing her hair. After lunch Aleksander led her back to the room saying something about having to work on a few things in his study. She didn't even know he had a study but she didn't argue feeling grateful for the time to think.
She cleaned herself up and picked out a soft nightgown, that was tucked into the chest that sat beside his drawers, on his side of the room. It was white, lacy and beautiful, falling low in the back. The opening landing right above her mid waist, with thin straps that held the silk from scooping lower. Aleksander has visited her room after sunset, in two full weeks now, so felt safe to wear the things that she normally wouldn' figured he wasn't coming back until morning again, anyways.
He was avoiding her, she knew that. After his lecture in the cave he was rarely flirty with her, or crude. Aleksander hadn't even been in his own room with her at night since returning. Not once. Alina sighed, watching as the sherbert sky grew ever darker.
She leaned her thin frame against the desk, before sitting on top, her lands meeting the sheets of paper behind her. The desk was filled with her disgaured sketches. Eyes falling on the one of Aleksander tending to his garden. It was a charcoal drawing of him tending to his plants, a rose lovingly tucked between his fingers, with a soft smile carefully smudged onto her lips. A rose dangling from pale fingers, contrasting beautifully.
Like a million books landing on her chest, she bit her lip, unable to push away the memory that the drawing pulled forth. Remembering why she drew this only a few days ago. It was the first time she had really paid any mind to Aleksander as he cared for his plants. She remembered the kindness in his eyes, and the gentleness of his hands. How he never killed a bug that he found, simply moving the small cridders around to places he deemed safe. He had no idea she was even watching him, too engrossed in his careful ministrations, to notice her curious eyes. It was the first time she had noticed how sweet he could be. She wanted to capture it, to memorize the little flicker of humanity. The little cracks of hope, breaking through his darkness.
She had seen it before, a few times, sparingly. But, in that moment, surrounded by the plants that he nurtured and the bugs that he refused to hurt, Aleksander was anything but a monster. He was a man, a man that let a calming smile grace his lips, when he thought no one could see. A man that lovingly tended his garden, or carefully made her meals, who softly told her that he hated himself. Hated himself for hurting her. A man that showed a small glimpse of who he really was; A man that believed that he was a monster, but had never been one.
Or at least, that's what I hoped... She corrected herself, quickly pushing the tan paper away, further across the table, turning back to the window in front of her. You know nothing about him… She told herself.
She hated to admit it, but a small part of her missed his warmth beside her. The way his heartbeat lured her into dreams. Like a lullaby that was soft and sweet, even though his words rarely were. Alina ran a brush through her hair a few more times, tugging at a few knots that held at tips of her hair. She memorized the way the god rays pierced through the trees, and the fog whispered through the streams of light.
Aleksander said the fog that surrounded them was Magik, not his natural abilities. She wondered what the sacrifice was for that spell. She wondered about the years that spent alone in this forest, the years that he spent wondering before stopping here. She wondered about the years that no one was there to comfort him, the years his yearning went unanswered. The years that he was alone, all alone. She wondered how different he would have been. if Aleksander was her childhood, instead of Mal. Would he have turned out so cold? So distant and unemotional?
Did he cry? Or was he never allowed? I would have comforted him… Hugged him.. Loved-
Knock knock.
Alina flinched, as she yanked away, before she could finish her thought, Thankfully . She called out a short, 'come in.' Placing her hair brush on to the stone desk next to her. Aleksander said that she could use his desk for art, and she had. Yet, now that he was finally visiting, she felt embarrassed about the mess that she had made. The top was littered with 20 or so pages of sketches and half finished pieces of trees and random glimpses of people she would never meet. Just figments of her imagination. She quickly shifted all of the art, trying to keep them hidden from judgment, but the heavy foot falls let her know she wouldn't have time.
"I don't mean to interrupt, but.." Aleksander trailed off, eyeing her suspiciously. Watching her springing into action, trying to hide her drawings. He stalled for a moment, his hand still firmly wrapped around the door knob, as she nerviously licked her dry lips as dread sunk into her belly. Thinking back to the drawing of Aleksander that she was just looking at and inwardly groaning.
Please, please, don't notice it… She whispered the prayer to anyone that would listen.
"So, what is it that you need, I'm a little busy." She turned around, using her body as a barrier between him and her sketches.
"What do you have there?" He asked, raising a perfect brow.
"Nothing." She said a little too quickly.
"Sure…" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.
"Just trying to clean up a little." She lied horribly, even to her own ears, before going back to gathering up the pages, turning her back to him. Panic raising, sensing his disbelief. She sneaked a few glances over her shoulder, seeing a smirk going on his lips. She picked up the pace.
Aleksander stalked over to her, only taking three large steps. His hand landing on top of hers, stilling her movements. Her heart instantly doing backflips, as she froze, slipping her eyes closed in defeat. She wished that she had just acted natural and then he wouldn't have thought twice about the papers. Stupid, stupid, stupid… She chanted in her mind.
"Let me see." Was all he said, before leaning forward, his stubbled chin grazing the top of her shoulder, making her squirm at the prickles. She hoped he didn't realize that she leaned slightly into his welcoming warmth, breathing in his familiar scent of cloves and something else… Chemicals, maybe. He peered down, moving the pages around before landing on a drawing of himself that she did the other day.
"When did you do this one?" His smoothing deep voice asked, curiosity seeping through his words.
Alina wished with the will of her heart that she could just curl into her own skin and die. "Few days ago."
"You drew me, a few times.." He spoke the words down her neck, his toned arms on either side of her locking her in place, sifting through all the drawings. "Why?"
Alina wanted to hide, or disappear completely. "I don't know… You're just easy to draw." She mumbled under her breath.
"I'm glad, I can be your muse." He smirked knowingly, turning to lean beside her instead. The nervous girl finally pulled from her dred, realizing it wasn't just chemicals that she smelled, but oils."You're talented."
"You smell like paint." She responded, ignoring his compliments, feeling the slight bit of heat kissing her cheeks.
Aleksander leaned against the desk next to her, his neck bending beautifully to turn and look at her face, his lean yet muscular body brushing against her. But, she quickly faced the pages on the desk.
"I'm starting on your paintings. I want a painted portrait." His breath ghosted over her shoulder, warming her skin.
She shivered at the closeness. She wanted him to be closer, almost aching for it. Missing the contact of skin to skin, but she took a step back, denying herself the opportunity to lean into his strong frame. The words mading her heart race like a deer fleeing from a wolf. Wild and without caution, bumping into her wiry rips. Like, it was trying to escape its cage.
He's really making me paint… And, he wants me to do a painting of him, not just a drawing.
"I haven't used paint before…" Alina whispered, playing with her hair, worry lacing her words despite her trying her hardest to sound confident.
"I know." Aleksander nodded. "But how will you learn, if you never try?"
Alina glanced up at the large man before her. "Thank you…" She whispered, noticing his hands were stained with pigments of blues and red. Knowing that he must have been working hard on making sure all of the colors were right.
Aleksadner chuckled, a smirk curving his lips in a way that sent flocks of birds to flutter in her belly. Everything he did was affecting her now. Perhaps, she was starting to forgive him, and she had no idea when it happened. "I don't think I'll ever get used to you thanking me."
He was so beautiful that it hurt, like staring at the sky during an eclipse. It hurt your vision, but your couldn't tear your eye's away, no matter how hard you tried. To Alina his words only made her heart ache. He would get used to her, if he spent more time with her, instead of just locking her in darkness, or purposely trying to make her angry, or touching her thoughtlessly. Meaningless. Instead of just talking to her, like any normal person.
"You're a child."
"Pathetic."
"Don't you see that the only thing I fear, Is myself."
He's been avoiding me, because why would he want to be with me... Why does that hurt so bad.. He keeps calling me child, or little girl. Why doesn't he touch me anymore…
Alina looked at his dark eyes, and long thick lashes, words tumbling from her lips before she could even register her own voice. "Why did you stop sleeping here with me? Is it because you think I'm just a stupid child? Is that why you don't want to be near me as much?" She asked before she could stop herself.
Aleksander's smirk fell, as he took a long breath, taking in her words. "I should think of you as a child.."
Alina felt her heart plummet. Falling thousand miles down to her guts, ripping them out. Gutting her as she took a small step back, placing a hand to her belly. Trying to gather her organs, hoping to hold them in place, as she tucked her chin into her shoulders. Using her hair as a shield from his burning eyes. "I see.. That's why you can't stand me. I'm just an annoying little girl.." Pain twisting her words, crackling with a humorless little laugh, feeling pitiful and ashamed.
"Look at me.." His thick brows tugged together, and his lips pressed into a thin line, as he looked her over. But, she remained still. Alina's heart squeezed painfully in her chest, a familiar ache growing behind her rips. She bit her lip, tucking her face deeper into her hair, but his calloused hand held her chin, gently. Almost cautiously. Slowly, he lifted her face to his, forcing her to meet his eyes.
"Alina, you're so much younger than me. You're innocent in a way that I forgot was even possible. That isn't a bad thing, either. It's beautiful like a white rose, untouched by the blood of this world." He spoke the words like razorblades, cutting through his throat with every syllable, looking more uncomfortable than she felt. She could tell that the little bit of depth was a struggle.
"But, that's not why I don't sleep next to you anymore. I don't sleep here anymore, because I want to be the one to turn white into red, and I hate myself for it." The darkling signed as if those few words stole all of his energy.
She blinked.
She had never once considered that he could be feeling guilty for his lingering touches or his desires. Alina figured he only hated himself for hurting her, not giving her pleasure. She never once considered that he felt guilty about lusting after her. It made sense to not want to hurt her, but to simply touch her made him feel bad too?
He must think so low of himself to think he was a bad person for merely wanting to touch someone, to be close to someone.. He must think I'm selfish for not noticing.
"My sweet Solntse, I can't be any closer than this.." Aleksander's body relaxed a little, his voice softening. Blackholes brimming with such deep consideration, and worry that it caused lines to form on his smooth forehead.
Alina's hand clung to his dirty work shirt, not caring that leftover oil seeped into her fingers. She just needed to achor herself to him. A knife stabbed between her ribs, at the thought of only ever getting lingering glances and grazed finger tips from him. The very thought caused nausea, and a twist in her gut.
"So you'll never do more than hold me like this?" She shook her head. "Because, I make you feel that guilty?" Her hands held his shirt tighter, surprising herself with how scared she suddenly became at the thought that she in some way was losing him. Like at any moment, he'd disappear.
"Not unless you convince me that it's what you truly want. Not, to just feel something, or to forget heartache. I want you to only want me. For nothing else, but to ease my guilt. I selfishly want you all to myself. I want to make you mine, and only mine. I shouldn't want to touch you, but I crave you." Aleksander finally whispered, the pad of his thumb moving over her bottom lip. Sending electrical currents through her.
Her cheeks were set ablaze as she remembered his words about wanting her to only think of him, not only use him to forget Mal.
"I shouldn't.." He shook his head and clicked his tongue, like he was disappointed in himself. Curling his lip in a snarl, as he did. "But, yet I do.. I.."
It's all coming together, now…
Realization hit Alina like an anvil on her head. He really thinks that the only reason that she lets him touch her at all, is because she's still in love with Mal, and wants to pretend that Aleksander's hands are Malyen's hands. Not only that, he doesn't want to be her bandaid. Nor does he want to take her innocence away for a unfair reason. Even if she's inexperienced with romance, it didn't mean that she was as innocent as he made her out to be, but it was becoming clear that it worried him. It was so clear now, that he didn't want her to be ruined, but he also wanted to be the one to ruin her.
He's conflicted, just like me.. Alina's eyes grew wide, and her lips parted in surprise, looking back up at the man before her with new found understanding.
He truly cares about me.. This isn't him manipulating me, or using me. He feels horrible because he wants me so bad, that he can't control himself, so he's been staying away. He thinks that I'm disgusted with his touch. Of course he does, I've only ever told him that I hated him, and he hates himself for wanting me too.
But, I don't… I can't hate him anymore, I'm starting to understand him. And can you ever truly hate someone that you understand?
"Aleksander…" She whispered his name like prayer against his thumb, leaning forward. Her body moving on its own, her knees resting against his, as he sat on the desk fully. He was moving away from her, creating more space. She paused, letting him. Even if it felt like ice water on her skin.
"I don't hate you, I understand... I don't mind you ummm…" A blush creep from her cheeks down to her neck till her whole body felt like it was on fire, her eyes darting to anything, but the devilishly handsome man's eyes. "Just p-please, don't stop being near me, or t-touching me..." She finally choked out.
"Are you saying that, because of your little friend, or because you want me to touch you?" Aleksander's voice deepened, as she studied his lips, too embarrassed to meet his gaze.
"Y-you." She admitted, feeling another title wave of hot shame, burning its way through her body. She just knew that she had to be lighting up like a cherry neon sign.
Aleksander's dark eyes searched hers, his chin tilting and the lump on his throat bobbed. Swallowing down her words, like nourishment as he sucked in a deep breath. Days, months, maybe even years went by, as he looked down his nose at her, running a hand through his already slicked back locks.
Then he dropped his hands to her waist, pulling her closer. Nestling her between his legs, her thighs brushing the insides of his knees. Before quickly jerking her taut against his frame. She gasped loud, as their chests slammed flush, so loud that it echoed around the room. Only a 12 painful inches between their lips, as a slow wicked smirk formed on Aleksander's face.
Alina's whole body seemed to shake, and she wondered if he could feel the way her body trembled. She hoped he knew it wasn't out of fear, but excitement. She was yearning for this, and she didn't even realize it till now. She craved him too, she has for a while now, but she tried to blame on simple attraction, but it wasn't.
Like calls to like. He is like me... Now her body was practically screaming for more.. His strong fingers, cling to her waist, as his other hand brushed up and down her bare back, setting her skin on fire. He felt like water, after trudging through the desert, like fresh rain after the drought.
She didn't know why, but she knew somewhere deep down that he cared for her. In his own twisted way, and it thawed the ice around her heart. She was melting.
"Do you like when I kiss you?" His voice was quieter, huskier. A lopsided smile tugging on one side of his lips. Watching his mouth form the masterpiece, close up and personal.
"Y-yes." She whispered looking up, falling into the endless pools, that stared right back at her very soul.
He inched agonizingly towards her. From 12 inches to 11, to 10, to 9…
Till his mouth was hovering over her own, the hair on his chin tickling her skin. His flawless face an inch from her own, his full lips so close that she could feel his hot breaths against hers. She melted like a wet wash rag in his hands. Alina's heart thumped wildly, as cold fingers skimmed up and down her spine. Playing against the notches on her back like a piano. Fingers finding her swooping back line, playing with the lace in the middle of her back. "Kiss me, then." He breathed.
Alina hesitated, knowing that he wanted her to kiss him on her own terms. He wanted her to choose to kiss him, so that he'd know that she truly wanted it, without a shadow of a doubt.
If I kiss him, there is no going back. The thought ran through her like ice, Turning her melting heart to stone. Suddenly fear of him hurting her plowed through her like a tractor. Running her over, till she was violently shaking her head and shoving off him. Tugging from his wonderfully sinful hands.
I don't want to be hurt again, what if this isn't about him caring for me, but just lust? I can't have sex with someone that doesn't love me. I don't want that, and If I kiss him, I won't be able to stop.
Alina frowned, pulling away competely, instantly droping her hands to smooth away nonexistent wrinkles.
"No.." She shook her head. It took everything in her to pull away, everything in her not to kiss him. To claim his lips, and make him forget all of his guilt. But, her pride clung to her bones. "You hurt me, Aleksander. And I may not hate you, anymore. But…" She floundered for the right words, as his hands fell to his lap, his jaw clenched tightly.
"You can't forget your little friend." He quickly added, lifting his chin as he looked down his nose at her, a hint of pain creasing the corner of his eyes.
"No." She said seeing the rage flickering behind his eyes, as she shook her head. Her arms wrapping around herself protectfully. "But, I don't want to do this, unless I know you plan on being responsible with my heart..." The honesty in her words surprised her, as much as it did the devilishly handsome man.
Aleksander's features twisted in confusion. "So, you won't kiss me, because you want me to do what? Convince you that I love you, or something?" He scoffed in disbelief, raking a hand through his thick black locks. "I don't know if I'm even capable of that."
Not capable? Who isn't capable of love?
A dagger tore through her chest, making it hard to even breathe. She hated that, those words hurt so deeply that she didn't even know how to explain it. She stayed silent, not knowing how to respond to that. His aggravation or maybe disappointment evadent on his face, almost painfully so. Her fingers itched to rub away the worry between her brows, but instead she clung to the thin olive green dress that she wore.
"I see…" He stated all emotion gone again, as he stood. "Then, I should go. I just wanted you to know that you need to get some extra sleep, because we have a lot of training to do tomorrow."
Alina's head nodded, but her heart screamed at her to stop him, to grab his hand. She almost did but, she held herself and place and let him walk away. Taking her breath with him, as he opened the door.
"That dress looks lovely on you, by the way…" He said one more time, but she didn't dare look at him, scared she might ask him to stay. She kept her eyes fixed on her drawing of him with the rose, her chest raising and falling wildly. As the sound of a closing door allowed her to relax into the desk.
She had thought he was going to get mad at her, bark insults at her. But, he didn't and part of her had hoped that he would, because he would force her to kiss him. If he forced her to love him, she could keep giving herself the excuse that he was forcing it on her. Forcing her to kiss him back. She traced her fingers over the drawing, and frowned feeling more conflicted than before.
Did I want him to force me? What's wrong with me? I'm a coward. It's not like I love him, either... Right?
? ゚ブ?
The next day Alina had woken up alone, and got herself dressed in more of Aleksander's old clothes. A pair of loose fitting slacks and white button down, over a spaghetti strap camisole. She could already hear footsteps below her as she walked down the stairs. She was nervous about seeing him after yesterday. She wondered if he was going to go hard on her today, after she rejected him. Alina looked over his strong back, his muscles on full display with his shirt unbuttoned and hanging open, and leather pants that hung from his hips. His sleaves rolled up, reveiling his beautiful vined forarms. She almost regetted rejecting him last night.
She lingered on the last step, watching as he carried a few sandbags to the middle of the room, making a few targets for her. Bitting her lip as she watched his arms flex under the weight of the bags, sweat rolling over his abs. He dropped another one beside the other, with loud thud making her sqeak.
Aleksander quickly turned around, giving her a once over. "Good morning." He stated flatly, moving his hair from his face with a smirk. "Where you checking me out?" He asked as a slow grin spread across his face.
He's not angry at all, in fact he seems more flirty again… She felt releif wash over her. She was more worried than she thought, that he'd angry with her.
She flushed wildly knowing that she was caught. "No, why would I check out an old man." She scoffed crossing her arms over her chest, causing the handsome man to bark out a laugh.
"Didn't have an issue with this old man yesterday." Aleksander snarkily replied, prowling over to her. "I'm pretty sure you told this old man, that you liked when he touched you."
"I'm pretty sure you, misheard me." Alina smiled despite his words, as he neared her and held out his hand for her to take.
Sliding her fingers into his palm as he helped her the rest of the way down the stairs. He shook his head playfully. "No… I heard you just fine." He snickered leading her to the center of the room. "Are you ready for some training?"
Alina nodded, as he dropped her hand, backing away. He stood behind the sandbags and pointed to them.
"We have alot to cover today. We know that you light the dark and disapate fog. But, today I want you to hit something physical. It's apart of changing your form of power, that we talked about before. I want you to try and chanel the light from your hands, and change the form into a blade. I want you to cut the sandbags."
Alina glanced at the canvice bags, and frowned not sure how that was going to be possible. Aleksander rounded the bags, and came to stand behind her. "Don't worry, I'll walk you through it." He placed his hands on her shoulders, and slid them down to her hands, lifting them into to point at the bags.
"Imagine your power and tell me what you see."
Alina slipped her eyes closed and felt her power coursing through her, and tried to place an image to it.
"I see, fireworks and lava." She whispered, trying her best to ignore the heat that bleed into her back, as Aleksander pressed behind her.
"Good, now try and force that feeling to show you a sword or something sharp. Something that you've held before, or had meaning." He whispered into the shell of her ear, his breath causing shivered to run down her spine. She obeyed and tried her best to focus on the idea of the letter opener that she stabbed Aleksander with the first night he took her.
"Okay, I'm seeing it." She whispered back.
"Good girl." He praised, making something in Alina start to vibrate, her body reacting instantly to his words. "Now, I'm going to back up, and I want you to clap your hands togeather as hard as you can, and in your minds eyes, invision that slicing through the bags."
Aleksander took a step back, making Alina inwardly groan at the loss of contact. She pushed her thoughts aside and opened her eyes, clapping her hands together making the crack echo through the room. But, nothing. Alina dropped her hand's and frowned.
"Repeat." Aleksander worder. "All of it."
Alina tried again, going back to the letter opener, then cutting through air, then the clap. But once again, nothing happened.
"Try to focus on a memory of you using the sharp object, and use that instead of cutting through the air. Let that guide your power. Remember to breathe in, and when you clap, exhale, and let it go." He called out from behind her.
She nodded, closing her eyes, feeling her power build, forcing the light into the shape of the letter opener, remembering the feel of it in her hands. The way it felt stabbing through Aleksander's chest, the feeling of the blood on the sides of her palms, the force against his resistant body. She breathed in as much air she could, then clapped breathing out. The clap makes a small blade to fly from her hands for a moment, before fading into the air, like dwindling smoke.
"Well, that was something…" Alina grumbled.
"Something isn't enough. What are you thinking of?" Aleksander asked, walking next to her again. An inquisitive brow cocked and hand that scratched his beard. She signed not sure if she should tell him or not, worried he wouldn't like the idea of her thinking about stabbing him.
"A letter opener…" She managed under her breath, glancing up at him nervously.
He smirked and lifted both his brows slightly, crossing his arms over his broad chest, making his pecs flex under his thick arms. "My letter opener?" He looked amused and little worried all at the same time. As if she planning on stabbing him all over again.
She nodded, as he laughed again rubbing his hand over his mouth, trying to hide it chuckles. He shook his head in amazment."Well, that works. But, try thinking of something bigger. Sometimes, if you know the object is small, your power will react to that thought. Think of something like a sword or a scythe." He stated. "Just don't envision stabbing me with it this time." He joked, as she rolled her eyes. She loved his laughter though, it sounded warm and welcoming, so diffrent from how he is normally.
"Oh, I'm going to." Alina huffed reading herself to try again, as he backed away. This time she pretened to feel the weight of a sword in her hands, the feeling of swinging it back and forth, like they way she use to with sticks as a child. She focused on pulling in a deep breath, then clapped letting the breath go. She heard something flying across the room, and the sound of fabric tarring. She opened her eyes slowly, then widened them. The sandbad was laying on the ground as little grains of sand poured from a small cut on the corner.
"Good girl." Aleksander cooed from behind her, as pride filled her from her chest all the way down to her toes. "Again."
They worked for a few hours, until Alina had finally cut the bag completely in half, causing a small cut under it too. Leaving a scratch on the marble, which she apologized for, but Aleksander silenced her, saying that it was expected. Even telling her that he was impressed, which only caused more birds to flutter behind her chest, butterflies too small to be what she was feeling.
"What now?" She breathed heavily, noticing that she wasn't panting yet. She figured she was finally getting used to the hard work, even sweating less now.
Aleksander looked at her slightly surprised. "Wow, no complaining?"
She shrugged. "I did promise not to, since you gave me wine."
A beautiful smile graced his lips, as he leaned against one of the huge pillars that surrounded the room. "Well, I think we should work on some hand to hand combat. Powers are important, but you can't rely on that alone." He pushed off of the pillar and stood in front of her. "Show me your fighting stance."
Alina awkwardly raised her hands to her face, in a tight fist. He looked her over before moving her fists to under her chin, adjusting her elbows closer to her ribs. Then taping her feet farther apart, and placing his hands on her hips and forcing them lower. "Keep your elbows in, fists closer to your face and butt low. Your center of gravity needs to be stable." He instructed before matching her pose in front of her.
"Punch me." Aleksander instructed as Alina smiled happily to do what he asked this time.
She swung wide as he quickly ducked and flicked her chin with his forefinger and thumb, making her yelp more in shock than pain. "Hey!"
"You can't swing wide, but hit straight. Step into it with your front foot for more power and keep your chin tucked behind your other fist for protection. Always keep your hands in front of your face." Aleksander smiled. "Again." He made a come hither motion with his hand.
She tried her best to punch again, following his instructions, before he side swipped the punk and poked her rips, making her tuck to one side and giggle. The motion ticklish and uncomfortable.
"Keep your elbows down too, have to protect your ribs still." He smirked, as she growl annoyed and tried hitting him again more out of annoyance than obedience. But, he easily countered with a tickling hand to her other side. She laughed loudly, swatting at his hands.
"It's not fair! You're so much faster." She heaved a breath, as his hands retreated.
"That's why you have to work on timing." He grinned, moving his hands to signal for her to go again, this time she was able to graze his cheek, but he spun around and tucked his foot around her ankle causing her to tumble. "Keep your butt low, or you'll be off balance." She was stumbling forward, but his strong arm caught her, his body leaned over her suspended form.
Alina froze her heart in her throat, as he pressed her firmly against his frame, his exsposed flesh again her. His shirt handing loose at her sides, like they were sharing its warmth, his nose barely touching hers, as she wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from falling backward. He slowly brought her to her feet, but held her there. "I'm never going to be able to beat you, Alek.."
"We have forever, Alina." He whispered his smile falling only a little. His expression turned from amused to almost loving, his eyes softening and eyebrows relaxing, as he let her straighten up and lean back. "Someday, you'll catch up."
"You won't get bored of me?" She whispered.
"Never."
"We have forever." She repeated, her hand playing with the hair on the back of his neck as he chuckled. Leaning down, she placed his forehead to hers, and rocked his head back and forth. Like, a large cat nuzzling against his owner.
"Never. Not in a million years. Not in a billion. Not even when the world turns to ash." His soft words made her melt, as he pressed his lips to her hairline, making her wish she wasn't sweaty. Hoping that she didn't smell bad. His face was so serious and pure, as his blackholes sucked her in, taking all of her breath from her lungs.
He's being serious. Alina's heart thumped in her chest, as she felt her body tingle. Was that a love confession.. What else could that have been. What if this was his way of telling me that he loves me? Does he understand that his words are loving?
"After the world turns to ash?" Alina asked, letting her eyes slip closed. Simply enjoying the feel of his thumbs that rubbed little circles on her hips, and the rumbling thunder that came from his chest.
"Okay maybe then." He teased, as she faked a gasp and shoved at his broad chest. He chuckled deep and sexy as he took a step back, his arms swaying back to his sides.
"How could you!" She pretended to feel heartbroken, placing the back of her hand against her head, acting like was going to fait. "I thought you cared!"
"You should never be an actress." He smirked devilishly, crossing his arms. "You're terrible."
Alina glared back at him and huffed, dropping the act. "Well, you shouldn't be a teacher. You're terrible at it." She countered with a smile, as he narrowed his eyes playfully, his smile curling darkly.
"That's only because I have a bratty student." He informed her, as he stepped forward again, quickly tickling her sides, before she could get away. She screamed out in laughter, as he continued. "I'm a great teacher!" He said, as billows of giggles flooded the room around them. "Say your sorry."
"NEVER!" She yelled through laughter, slapping at his hands, but he ignored her. Ticking her stomach and rips, then her sides.
"I have forever, Alina!" He called out over her laughter, a huge grin plastered on his face. She weezed and struggled wildly against him.
"I'M SORRY!" Alina finally screamed. "I CAN'T BREATH!" She squealed, as tears streamed down her face from laughter, and her jaw ached from laughing so hard. He instantly stopped as she crumbled to the floor, her knees weak, and body twitching with aftershocks. "You don't fight fair." She panted, but the grin on her face showed her amusement.
"I don't believe in fighting fair, my sweet Solntse." He said picking her up under her arms and bringing her to her feet again. "It would do you well to remember that."
I want to kiss him, so bad it hurts. He loves me, in his own messed up way, I can feel it.
"Noted." She rolled her eyes, and dusted herself off, unable to take her eyes from his face. "But I don't either."
With that Alina slammed her lips into his, as he froze in shock, before instantly relaxing into the kiss, melding his lips into hers. Aleksadner slipped his hands under her thighs, and wrapped them around his waist, deepening the kiss. Feeding on her mouth, like he was starving. She gasped at the sudden movement, wrapping her arms around his neck holding him closer.
"I'll be responsible." He groaned, against her lips, moving to lick and suck at her neck, making her body quake, and her insides twist violently. "I can't love you, but I care. I care so deeply about you."
"I know." She panted, digging her fingers into his soft hair, pressing him closer. " I like you.. I don't understand why, but I surrender. I don't want to fight it anymore." She whimpered out and like a dam breaking inside of her, the tension that she held for so long melted away. She felt all the fight she had left in her to recite the beautiful man, melt away with her word.
"God, Alina.." He growled against her skin, his hand gripping her ass tightly, over her pants, before hissing and pulling back. "I want to show you something." He smirked, and pecked her lips once more as Alina nodded, her face completely flushed and dazed with lust.
"Now?" She whined, nipping his chin, forcing a throat moan from his lips.
Aleksander just chuckled, before swiftly carrying her up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. She kissed his neck, earning her the most sexy groans she had ever heard, all the way up. He picked up the pace, as he fumbled to open a door as the smell of paint and ink invaded her. He kissed her once more time, and dropped her. Alina's back facing the room, behind her. "Close your eyes."
She obeyed still panting, as she felt his large hands covering her eyes. She smiled rocking on her heels and tiptoes, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, in anticipation. He turned her around, and led her to what felt like a padded stool, the warmth from a fireplace licking at her skin.
"Open." Aleksander whispered behind her ear, before kissing her neck and shoulder, his hands falling to her hips.
Alina opened her eyes, gasping so loud it sounded like a yelp. Finally seeing what she had to assume was his study. The room was overflowing with books with jade couches on either side of a large fireplace, but that wasn't why she gasped. Because before her was a large canvas sitting on an easel. She glanced over to a wooden table with about 20 or so small mason jars of paint. All had little pastel purple ribbons tied around their necks. A cup filled to the brim with paintbrushes, sat in the middle of the jars, all neatly set up.
"Happy birthday." He finally said, as she turned around looking up at him in shock.
"You did all of this for me? You must have been working on this all night.." Alina asked, feeling like she was drifting from disbelief to unbridled excitement.
Without a shadow of a doubt, this man cared for me. Her eyes filled with tears, as she looked at all the hard work that Aleksander put into this amazing gift. It was so much more than she was expecting.
"Do you like it?" He asked with a soft smile on his lips.
"I love it!" She squealed, giving him a tight hug, without even thinking. She was just too excited to contain herself, as he rubbed the top of her head. "Thank you!"
Aleksadner chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "I was going to wait to show you after dinner, but when you finally kissed me, I couldn't help but reward you. Go ahead, check it out."
Alina squealed again as she ran over to the paints, and brushes. She picked one up and ran her fingers over the wooden handle, noticing the little carved sun's in the wood, looking lighter than the rest of the darkly stained bark. "These are beautiful…" She whispered, looking down at the paint and opening one, sniffing it, and noticed that he must have used his flowers to make the red, because it smells faintly like berries and roses, under the chemical scent.
"Can we start on your portaint?" She asked excitedly, spinning around as he looked at her like she was a little unhinged.
"I look like a mess, don't you want to wait till I'm in something a little nicer?"Aleksander looked down at himself buttoning up his shirt and slicking back his hair, seeming to just notice how unkept his apearance was, but Alina just smiled.
"I like you like this." She whispered.
? ゚ブ?
