.

On Kadien

Quickly Red fired off sequence after sequence, determined to stabilize the Massive in its tumble. The were being barraged from behind by the Kadien fleet. The Irken Armada was tangled up with them trying to draw fire, but the Kadien fleet continued playing kamikaze, determined not to let the Massive recover. A secondary Kadien fleet soared passed the Massive heading upwards, and began to fire on the Irken Armada. Red gawked in shock, watching as they passed.

"Who is this king?!" Purple demanded. "I've never seen a commander this good!" Red scowled and struck him up the back of the head. Purple yelped and looked defeatedly up at his brother, rubbing the spot.

Red began rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "The armada will overtake Kadien's, there's no competition there, but it's going to take a minute before they can make it to us on the ground. Until then, we're gonna be on our own."

"We're hitting the ground?!" Purple demanded.

"Not at this speed we're not," Red replied. "I can manually engage the backup thrusters, but they're damaged too! At best, they slow our fall and make sure the Massive isn't destroyed on impact with the planet. Of course, at this speed, we'd probably wipe them half out, but that would be suicide."

"We're gonna die!" Purple wailed.

They breached the planet's atmosphere and fire began to form around them. "Dammit. It's not working!" Red said. "Brace for impact! Prepare for battle! Get the armada down here!" The ship tumbled to the side. "Oomph!" he exclaimed when Purple crashed into him, sending them both to the ground. Red scowled, shoving him off, then went back to work at the panel.

"Red!" Purple cried.

"Not now!" Red sharply replied.

"I can engage the thrusters if I go down there!" Purple said.

"We're not risking that," Red said.

"It's the only chance we have!" Purple argued.

"You almost failed mechanics, Pur!" Red shouted.

"But I didn't," Purple replied.

"I'll go! You keep trying to activate them," Red said. "Just keep pressing this button and typing in the correct sequences."

"What sequences?!" Purple demanded.

"Purple!" Red angrily said.

"I can handle the thrusters!" Purple insisted. "Red, trust me!"

"Fine! Go! Just don't make me regret this. Get out of there alive if you can't figure it out," Red said.

"You, you, you, and you, with me!" Purple ordered, pointing out four Irkens. They saluted and immediately fell in line with him. Quickly he floated off to find his way to the thrusters. Red looked anxiously out the window at the fast-approaching ground. "Hurry, Pur," he said.

IZ

The ship tumbled and turned. Purple struggled to stay upright, but not half as much as the four Irkens with him. He made his way quickly through the ship to the engine room and entered it. His jaw dropped at the size of the place and all the moving parts. "We're doomed," he said bluntly.

"Down there, sir! The backup thrusters!" one of the four said, pointing out two large thrusters near the very bottom that were trying to get out but were unable to.

"I'm doomed," Purple said.

"There should be a manual release," the Irken who had pointed the thrusters out said. "It might be jammed!"

"Right. I've got this," Purple said, quickly floating down toward the backup thrusters. The Irkens followed him closely as engineers crowded the room to try and manually repair everything that had gone wrong. Purple reached the backup thrusters soon enough. "Wow it's hot," he said.

"Sir, if we open it we might all be cooked alive!" one of the other four Irkens wailed.

"We're all gonna be crispy fried anyway if we can't get the operational!" a third argued.

"I'm doing it!" Purple said, extending his robotic limbs towards the manual release that would open the pockets the thrusters would drop from. He hesitated briefly, thought better of his plan, and backed further away. He blasted it with the most powerful laser his PAK had to offer and the doors broke open and went flying, heat filling the area. The thrusters flew out and engaged. The Irkens almost went flying out of the ship with screams, but managed to grab onto Purple's PAK legs, which were already lodged tightly to ensure Purple didn't soar out. All four Irkens screamed in terror as the ship tumbled a few more times before suddenly righting itself and stabilizing. The moment they realized they were out of danger, they cheered. Purple didn't bother, just immediately took off flying, dragging them behind. They dropped from his PAK legs once they were on stable ground, and the group ran quickly back to the bridge.

IZ

"Hah! I told you I could do it!" Purple said, bursting into the bridge where Red was.

"Uh huh, yeah, great," Red said, focusing.

"Well thanks for the recognition!" Purple replied.

"Trying to save our lives here, Pur!" Red snapped. "Brace for impact! It's enough to slow us down, but not enough to stop us from crashing. Immediately everyone did so. Purple flew quickly next to Red. Their seats popped up from the ground and they sat in them, fastening in. The Massive struck Kadien soil at high speed. The sound of the impact probably echoed for miles. Everyone screamed as the Massive formed a crater to match its name. It stayed together though. Red and Purple, eyes screwed tightly shut, opened them once they realized they were still alive, and gasped.

"We did it!" Purple exclaimed.

"Great, now get ready for war!" Red said, casting off his seatbelt and flying quickly away. "Ready all weapons! Prepare to defend the Massive!"

"Can't we just fire the laser thing at the army? I mean, it didn't go offline," Purple said. Red paused, blinking, then looked blankly back at his brother. Purple blinked back at him. Red frowned in annoyance.

"That'll work for like two seconds," he said.

"Or more! You never know unless you try," Purple said.

"Fine! We'll start with the laser," Red said. "It's only good for what's in front of us, though. Not everything surrounding us."

"So I'll man it while you handle the rest," Purple said.

"Or how about I man the laser and you play commander?" Red demanded.

"I'm not as good at that as you are," Purple said. "But I'm great at blowing things up!"

"Fine! Fine. We'll do it your way," Red said. "Get moving, all of you!" Immediately the Irkens scrambled to join him say for those who would be needed to keep the Massive operational. "Comms Officer, summon the Armada!" The comms officer saluted and did so. "Pur, if I call you for backup, get out there. Immediately."

"Right," Purple said, nodding. He looked through the window and frowned on seeing the army advancing. "Ready the laser!" he ordered. The comms officer did so. "Fire!" Purple ordered. The officer did, and immediately a large group of enemy soldiers was vaporized.

"Move now while their army regroups! Finish them!" Red ordered. Immediately he surged out of the Massive with the soldiers at his back. Purple focused on his task of firing the Massive's weaponry while trusting his brother to handle things outside. Luckily the frontal laser canon wasn't the only weapon the Massive had at its disposal.

"All weapons online!" Purple ordered. The bridge crew hurried to do so. "Fire at everything that isn't Irken, and especially make sure you don't hit Almighty Tallest Red."

"We could never, my Tallest!" the Irkens all said in a chorus.

"Well good. Then don't," Purple replied.

IZ

Red lashed out at every enemy that got near. The Irken soldiers stuck close to him. Scowling, he focused all his attention on beating away the enemy. They were starting to surround the Massive, but the ship's weaponry was doing a good job with cover fire. Red lashed out at a group determinedly, cutting them down, then rounded on a few more with five or six Irken soldiers following up. They swept through the army determinedly, but the army wasn't going down without a fight. Red didn't like how many Irken soldiers were starting to fall back or fall altogether. "Rally!" Red ordered. "There's no way the Irken armada is falling victim to Kadien soldiers!" Although the odds of them getting out of this were looking dicey. The Kadien king hadn't been wrong, after all. Kadien had had a lot more time to prepare for Irk's return than Irk had had to prepare for war on Kadien. They hadn't even come here planning on a battle for goodness' sake! He hadn't lied to the king when he'd said Irk was always prepared for war, though. They just weren't necessarily crazily prepared.

My Tallest, Kadien reinforcements are on the horizon!" one of the soldiers fearfully called over to him.

"Double down! Show no mercy!" Red said. "We're going full destruction this round." The Massive's laser soared overhead, striking the approaching army. The Irkens cheered. A shower of laser blasts spewed out towards the Kadiens as well. "Remember, the Massive is on our side! We have this!" Red added, smirking a bit. Encouraged by the words, the Irkens pressed onward.

IZ

Purple focused on tapping out weapons commands as best he could recall them. The Comms Officer usually knew how to do it if he didn't. Man, he really had to review some of his invader training. At this point, it was just sad. Just then the screen flashed to life and Purple blinked up at it. That wasn't a familiar face. A female Kadien who looked a whole lot younger than the king had been, but a lot like him. A daughter maybe?

"Can I help you?" he incredulously asked.

The female tilted her head at him. "My father is impetuous to go up against the Irken Collective, but from where we're viewing, it seems we have a good clamp on you."

"Well from where I'm sitting it looks like you don't," Purple defiantly replied.

She sent through a picture of the battlefield and Purple's eyes widened a bit. Oh that was a lot of Kadiens. "You're doomed, you know. You came totally unprepared. My father will capture you all. As for you and your brother, he might send one or both of you back to Perth. They really know how to treat slaves there. They like separating family members or friends and always dangling them over each others' heads. There's no possibility of ever seeing each other again if that happens. You'll just always be dangled above one another, and if you disobey or revolt, it could cost you each other's lives or good health. Perth is dark like that."

"Why are you calling again? Because if it's to gloat, you won't be gloating long," Purple said. He pressed a button to contact his brother. "Red, we have a problem. We're surrounded more than we thought! The Kadien princess just showed me a picture of the battlefield. We're outnumbered like a hundred to one!"

Red cursed violently in response. "Tell that stuck-up little princess to shove it up hers!"

"I want to help you," she said. "You seem so very young to die or be tortured here."

"Listen here you pompous little Guttersplorch…!" Red furiously began.

"Thank you for your input Tallest Red. I'll take it from here," Purple quickly said, immediately cutting his brother off before Red could make this worse.

"Pur!" he heard Red furiously shout before he lost contact.

"Your brother is of an ill temper," she said.

"Why would you want to help us?" Purple warily asked.

"I've already said. Because you seem very young to be tortured or die here," she answered. "Also, Irkens have always fascinated me, and how can I learn anything about them at all if they're all dead?"

"You realize we're organic sweeping your entire planet, right?" Purple said.

"I'd heard tale that Tallest Purple was the more diplomatic of the two," she said.

"Diplomacy kinda went out the window when you, y'know, shot us from the sky," Purple replied, pointing up.

"I think there's still a way we can play nice," she said.

"If my brother dies, there really isn't," Purple replied.

"What would you give to save your brother?"

"Am I gonna like where this is going?" Purple warily asked.

"Are you and your brother eligible males?" she asked.

"I don't think I'm gonna like where this is going," Purple dryly said.

"It's a potential marriage alliance or death," she said, shrugging.

"I mean, I could kiss you. I'm not ready to mate though, and you're still getting organic swept," Purple said.

"Then what good is a kiss going to do?" she dryly asked.

"You won't die un-kissed?" he lamely replied. She face-palmed, shaking her head.

"Look lady, Kadien sealed its fate!" Purple said.

"We'll see where your head's at when you and your brother are at our mercy then," she replied.

"I think you mean if," Purple replied.

"No. When," she said before signing off.

Purple shifted uncomfortably and looked nervously out the window towards the advancing army. "Are we gonna die?" he asked, turning to the comms officer.

"I don't know, My Tallest," the comms officer truthfully replied.

"Well that sucks," Purple replied. He immediately contacted Red again. "Hey Red, want to make a marriage alliance with Kadien?"

"What?! No!" Red replied.

"I mean, we're pretty surrounded," Purple said.

"Then you marry whoever the heck you're being offered!" Red replied.

"I'm not ready to mate."

"And you think I am?" Red demanded.

"I can kiss her and offer peace talks," Purple said. "It could buy us time."

"Just keep firing the weapons!" Red snapped.

"I really don't wanna be separated from you," Purple nervously said.

"She's getting into your head!"

"I really don't think she is. You didn't see the picture. Saying there was a hundred to one was probably understating it."

There was a beat. "The armada is joining us in only moments. We'll be fine."

"If you say so," Purple uneasily replied.

"Neither of us is marrying some non-Irken!" Red said.

"I said kiss, not mate. I think Irkens intrigue her."

"Well Kadiens don't intrigue us! Son of a… Where is the armada?!"

"Closing in it looks like," Purple replied, checking the radar.

"About time!" Red said.

Explosions immediately followed Red's words as lasers showered down on the enemy from above. Purple blinked at the destruction and relaxed a bit. Maybe they'd get out of this after all. Then he saw the Kadien Fleet descending on the Irken armada and suddenly all fire was diverted as the two fleets opened on one another. His relief went out the window and became anxiety again. Even more ships were arriving, and they were neither Irken nor Kadien, so there was a chance Kadien had allied reinforcements coming in, which really, really wasn't an ideal situation right now.

"Sirs, we can't keep this up! The crushing force of our armada may win the day, but not without heavy casualties. Kadien isn't worth losing half our armada for!" the comms officer said.

"Well what am I supposed to do?!" Purple asked in growing alarm.

"I don't have an answer, Sir!" the comms officer desperately said. "Just do something!"

Purple bit his lower lip and began anxiously tapping his fingers together. "Miyuki, what do I do? What do I do?" Purple asked, starting to pace nervously. What the heck would she have done?! He was pretty sure they'd already made the sort of mistake she wouldn't have, so now what? "Mom, please," Purple pled, racking his memory for any words of wisdom at all that he could recall. Slowly a memory crept to the forefront…

IZ

"Purple? Purple, where are you dearest?!" he heard Miyuki call. He was sitting in his room by the window overlooking the garden. When he and Red had moved into the Citadel at Tallest Miyuki's invitation, they'd been given the option to pick rooms of their own. He'd chosen this one. Red didn't like the garden very much and had wanted the room overlooking the training yard instead, which had been just fine with Purple.

"In here!" Purple called.

In only a moment the door was pushed open. "My darling, why are you in your room instead of out in the training yard with Spork and Red? Your fa… Spork was worried about where you'd gone."

"I left because Red teases me," Purple whined. "Just because I'm not as good as him doesn't mean he gets to make fun when I mess something up. And I hate it when Spork gives me that disappointed look if I can't follow a lesson or keep up to Red!"

"Spork only wants you to be able to properly defend yourself."

"I'm already better than most of the others! Just not Red," Purple replied, crossing his arms poutily. "Everyone's measured up to Red."

"To you as well," Miyuki said.

"Well then just I'm measured up to Red!" Purple said.

"If you would like, I'll speak to Spork about the matter, but I hope you know he's only concerned for you. That's all." Purple was quiet, arms crossed as he looked back out the window. "Very well, sweet one. If you won't go back to combat training, how about you and I do a lesson together instead?"

"In fighting?" Purple asked.

"In something a little more productive," Miyuki said.

"What's more productive than fighting?" Purple asked.

"Why, diplomacy of course. A good diplomatic discussion can negate the need for a battle at all. Then there's no need for warriors like Spork and Red except as reinforcement when things get particularly difficult. Now, where did our last lesson leave off?"

"Negotiating when a planet is being stubborn," Purple said.

"Ah yes. Of course. Now, when…" Miyuki began.

"What if they already started to fight you? What do you do then?"

Miyuki blinked. "Where did that question come from?" she asked. Purple shrank in on himself a bit and shifted uncomfortably. Miyuki frowned. "Was it your brother or Spork?" she dryly asked.

"I asked Spork why bother fighting if we could just talk our way out of things. Spork said that sometimes talking wouldn't work. Sometimes there wouldn't be a chance for it at all before you got attacked. Sometimes people wouldn't even bother to listen. So, what happens if you're already in a bad situation and can't get out of it?"

Miyuki smirked a wicked little smirk. "Then play the wounded Flitterflat. Sometimes to progress in such discussions, you must take a temporary loss. Give in. Play their game for a while. Put them at ease. Make them think they've won. Then, when their guards are down, strike them with all the force you can muster."

"Betray them?" he uneasily asked. "That sounds like a really bad idea."

"It is. So do your very best to always be as genuine as you can. That's why I prefer forging alliances, to carrying out complete takeovers. Avoid betrayal at all costs, but if you absolutely must resort to that, do so very, very carefully and gradually. One misstep could put you in a worse situation than you were in before."

"Then what do you do?" Purple asked.

"That's an answer I can't give you, dearest. It would depend on the situation. What I can tell you is to always remember to use your good judgment and keep a cool head. I know it's easy to panic, and sometimes you can't help but do so, especially if someone you love is separated from you or might be getting hurt, but if you act rashly, that loved one could be hurt even worse, so it's best to stay quiet when in doubt and wait until you're in a calmer place."

"What would you do if you and Spork were separated?"

She smiled sadly at him. "It happened before. Be better than I was, darling, and if there's even the slightest chance your loved one is still alive, don't shut down and don't let grief consume you. Don't stop seeking until you know the truth. Promise me."

"I promise."

"Oh Purple," she gently said, drawing him into a hug. "I'm sorry that training is so hard on you. I know that Spork can be harsh and Red can be mean, but don't give up. Even if you never master it like Red, your strengths lie elsewhere in something that can be more powerful still. Never forget it."

"Okay mo... Miyuki," Purple said, hugging her back. Miyuki smiled and gently brushed back his lekku.

IZ

"Get through to the Kadiens!" Purple ordered, pointing at the comms officer.

"Sir?" the comms officer asked.

"Just do it!" Purple said.

Though confused, the comms officer attempted to do so. "You're through, My Tallest."

The screen came to life revealing the princess. "Can you convince your father to call off the army?!" Purple demanded immediately.

She blinked in surprise. "Yes?" she replied.

"Is that a question?" Purple asked.

"I can convince him with the proper motivation," she said.

"Tell him the Irkens are scared and desperate and wanna discuss terms," Purple said. "I mean, we aren't scared and desperate, but if that's gonna convince him to hear us out, great! We are interested in terms, after all."

"Is a marriage alliance on the table?"

"We'll discuss it," he replied, frowning at her in some bitterness.

She smirked. "Either my father or I will make contact once we've decided what we'll do," she said.

"Hurry up," Purple said, signing off.

"Sir, your brother will be furious if you do this!" the comms officer exclaimed.

"Red's just gonna have to trust I know what I'm doing. Combat isn't gonna save us this time. We need something a little more... productive or insidious," Purple replied.

"If you're sure about this, My Tallest," the comms officer said.

"I'm more than sure," Purple replied. He continued firing the Massive's weapons at the approaching army, trying to give Red as much breathing room as he could.

IZ

It felt like too long before the comms officer called out to him.

"Sir, Kadien is hailing us!"

"Put them through!" Purple ordered. The comms officer did so, and Purple glared up at them with a dangerous look in his eyes. The King and his daughter were both there, the king looking incredibly wary and doubtful.

"Irkens don't feel fear," he said outright.

"Yes they do. They don't feel desperation. Usually. But then most Irkens don't usually have a sibling on the front lines either," Purple said.

"Have you discussed this decision of yours with your brother?" the Kadien King said.

"No, but I'll talk him into it," Purple replied.

"When your armies put up a white flag of surrender, then I'll call mine down," the king said.

"Fine," Purple coldly replied. Immediately he patched through a call to Red. "We're surrendering for now. We have a meeting to go to with the King," he said.

"What?!" Red freaked. "What the Irk did you do?!"

"How about you just trust I know what I'm doing and call down our army? Throw up a white flag too."

"Irk never surrenders!"

"Trust that I know what I'm doing," Purple repeated.

"Purple, I'm not putting up a white flag for my life!"

"What about for mine?" Purple asked.

There was a beat. "What?" Red finally and icily asked.

"We're doomed if we keep fighting, Red! Both of us are!" Purple said. "Who knows what'll happen to us if we get captured? We could end up tortured or executed or sent to Perth! Assuming we both survive at all. We need to do this. You need to trust me."

"I'm not putting up a white flag!"

"Then your brother dies aboard the Massive with the rest of those who stayed on it, when we deploy our airstrike. A dangerous, powerful, deadly airstrike," the Kadien King said.

"See? Doomed," Purple said.

"Irk doesn't surrender," Red said again.

"Trust me," Purple said.

"No airstrike will penetrate the massive."

"Are teleportation systems online?" Purple asked, looking towards the comms officer.

"Pur!" Red shouted.

"I'm doing this, Red! With or without you there! You just have to decide where you're gonna be while I meet with the King. At my side or fighting a losing battle," Purple said. Silence. "Fine. Then I'll go alone," Purple said.

"I'll put up the white flag," Red bitterly replied. "But you'd better actually know what you're doing if I do."

"I know what I'm doing," Purple promised yet again. Red scoffed and hung up. Purple winced a bit and shrank in on himself defeatedly.

"Good boy," the king praised. Purple gave him a dirty look. The king snorted in derision and signed off.

IZ

Red came onto the ship in a very, very foul temper, eyes ablaze with anger and disgust. Purple almost wanted to disappear, but that wasn't an option, so his best bet was to just take whatever punishment Red doled out to him. It was less painful if he just gave in and got it over with. "Damn you to Irkalla," Red said flat out.

"We just want them to think we're defeated," Purple said. "We're not actually gonna roll over for them, but I mean, the more we know about the castle and the closer we can get to the king, the better. It's just playing wounded flitterflat. Once they let us go, we can send in an invader. Maybe Tak, like we said. Or maybe we can even offer them a gift secretly filled with soldiers or something."

"Where'd that idea come from?" Red dryly asked.

"Earthen literature," Purple replied. "Zim sent some for samples. Some of it was actually pretty good. Also depressing. Earthlings are messed up. Like, seriously messed up."

"I don't even wanna know," Red said, rolling his eyes. "Whatever you're planning had better work, Pur, or so help me."

"It'll work," Purple said, frowning.

"Whatever. Let's just go," Red said. "Here's hoping we don't all get captured on the way. I'm leaving the armies in position. Just in case this goes wrong. We'll bring along half the Massive's crew." He looked at the comms officer. "You. You're among them. You're coming with us."

"Yes, My Tallest," the comms officer replied.

IZ

Purple and Red floated up to the palace warily looking on both sides of them at the darkly glaring Kadien soldiers watching their every move. Their own soldiers were visibly unnerved by the glaring Kadiens. "PAK legs out," Red ordered. The Irkens did so, rising high on them. It gave them a bit of a confidence boost and they started looking less nervous.

Purple and Red entered the throne room to face the Kadien King and Princess. "Tallest Red, Tallest Purple," the king coldly greeted. "Come. Join us for a meal."

"Is it poisoned?" Red flatly asked.

"I would have liked it to be," the Kadien King replied.

"We'll starve instead," Red said.

"Suit yourselves," the King answered, rising and leading the way. His daughter followed. Purple and Red trailed behind, both glaring at his back warily and letting their eyes scan their surroundings constantly. "It was almost touching, Tallest Red, how determined your brother was to save you from your inevitable fate." Red glanced at Purple, raising an eyebrow.

"I told him Irkens felt fear, but most didn't feel desperation except for me because you were out there," Purple said before the King could say as much in a more disrespectful manner that would probably provoke Red.

"Figures," Red said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Purple demanded, frowning.

"You couldn't exist without me. No wonder you were desperate," Red said.

"I'm gonna let that one slide," Purple said in a tone that edged on his dangerous one, eyes narrowed. Red scoffed but didn't try his luck.

They entered the dining hall and were offered two seats along one length of the table, adjacent to where the princess was seated. Their soldiers were seated down the length of the table as well so that one half was filled with Irkens and the other with Kadiens. "Now, give me one good reason not to imprison you both right here and right now," the Kadien king said.

"Irk's more valuable to you with us ruling than it is without us ruling," Purple said. "Besides, alliance over war would be better for everyone. I mean, Irk might not win this battle—though you can bet we'll take a large part of your army with us—but they will ultimately win a war."

"Not with Kadien as fortified and supported as it is," the Kadien King said.

"Irk is even more fortified and supported," Red said.

"And by supported we mean protected by forced laborers who don't really have a choice except to die for us," Purple said.

"There are masses of them. The army you showed up with today? Nothing compared to what we have on reserve," Red added.

"There is a key difference between Kadien and Irk. Kadien is supported out of love, not fear," the King said.

"Kadien is delusional if they actually believe that. Everyone is in everything for themselves," Red said.

"I had gotten the impression you and your brother were closer than that," the Kadien King said.

"This isn't about me and my brother!" Red immediately and testily replied. "This is about a way bigger picture on a way bigger scale."

"It is sad how Irkens are taught to think from even their infancy. That no one is of any value and all that matters is the collective. It would explain why family units were weaned out of your culture. Because then something would have value to you besides the collective, and that would never do. It would take away from the collective. It would give it a weakness. It would sew dissension if an Irken was killed who had a family or was dearly loved. It would entice rebellion. It would mean the Tallest being constantly at risk that a single big mistake could cost them even their lives and power. Your people have an excellent philosophy for domination, but a poor one for a lasting empire. Inevitably it will crumble in on itself. Likely sooner than you realize. Given your culture's overall philosophy, I frankly marvel that the both of you were allowed to live when you were discovered. I would have assumed the weaker smeet would have been destroyed."

"Listen here, you…!" Red began.

"Shall we show you what it is like to be alone, Tallests? To be like you were supposed to be? To be part of the collective as the Control Brains purposed?" the Kadien King asked them.

"Touch my brother and I'll end you!" Red shouted.

"Why? According to your own philosophies, we would be doing your collective a favor."

"We rule together," Red said. "We're strong together!"

"Not according to your principles."

"Screw the principles!" Red snapped.

"Red!" Purple exclaimed.

"Not like the control brains are here to hear us," Red said, looking at him. He turned back to the King. "We're strong together," he said again.

The King observed them a long moment. "Then perhaps your empire will be the one that actually lasts," he finally conceded. "Until it doesn't, of course. I wonder what will happen when a new Tallest takes over. What will befall the two of you? Perceived flaws in an otherwise perfect machine."

"We're not here to talk philosophy, principle, or the future," Purple said. "We're here to talk war, treaty, and the present."

"Perhaps the weak link is not your brother after all, Tallest Red," the Kadien King said, eyes locked on Red now.

Red glared darkly at him. "You know what? We're done here. War it is." He stood up.

"Or how about we all sit and calm down and actually talk?" Purple said, slightly alarmed now. Miyuki hadn't prepared him for this. Had she? Now that he thought about it, a memory was tugging at the back of his mind again.

IZ

"What happens if you're trying to make a treaty and someone makes it difficult for you?"

"Impossible. Every Irken in your presence will be of the same mind as the Tallest."

"Well, yeah, but what about if there were two Tallests and they don't agree? I mean, I can't imagine Spork always makes things easy."

Miyuki laughed a little at the remark and gave him a warm smile. "He can be quite bullusheaded, can't he? I suppose then it would come down to stubbornness. Know when to be stubborn and when to not be. In such a case, it would pay to out-stubborn the stubborn. One or the other of you will inevitably give in. Make sure it isn't you who does, if you are certain your course of action is best. Though if there's any doubt at all, I'd suggest further discussion before playing stubborn against your co-Tallest."

"Can anyone out stubborn Spork?" Purple asked.

"Spork is stubborn to a point, but he bends easier than you would imagine where it matters. I was always the more rigid of us in that sense. It was difficult for me to determine when it was best to be stubborn and when not to be, but it is a key thing every leader must learn. Spork may actually do it better than I do. When all is said and done, don't let your stubbornness overwhelm your common sense. Don't let it cost you it either."

"Okay," Purple said.

She smiled. "Now, I'm leaving for Vort within the next few days. You and Red behave yourselves for Spork."

"Why isn't Spork going with you?"

"It's too close to the Great Assigning now. His attention must be on training up the soldiers and elite," Miyuki said.

"But what if something goes wrong?" Purple asked, anxious.

"Everything will be just fine, my dearest, I promise. Take care of the garden for me," Miyuki said. She kissed his forehead softly and left. Purple watched after her, the anxiety only growing. Why didn't he believe her this time…?

IZ

"We're leaving, Pur!" Red said, snapping Purple from the memory.

"Fine. You can go but I'm staying here. Humph," Purple said.

"Where they'll capture you and lock you away?"

"There won't start capturing if you don't start warring. We have this under control, but I need you to back me up, Red!"

"They had their chance!" Red snapped.

"I'm staying," Purple stubbornly said, crossing his arms.

"Tell me you're kidding."

"I wanna talk," Purple said.

"You're gonna get us both captured!"

"No, that's what you're gonna do if you go out there to war," Purple said.

"I am this close to leaving you to them!" Red said, making a small gap with his fingers.

"What happened to strong together?" Purple challenged.

"Purple!" Red furiously said.

"No," Purple defiantly replied.

Red screamed in agitation, holding his head. "Fine! Fine. When this backfires, I told you so."

"I told you," Purple replied.

"I'm going to strangle you!" Red shouted, looking about ready to do it.

"No you won't," Purple said.

"Yes I will," Red said.

"No you won't," Purple replied.

"Yes I… What am I doing?! We're not playing this game right now!"

"I told you, you wouldn't," Purple said.

"My Tallest, behave yourselves! Please!" the comms officer cut off, startling them.

They stared at him blankly and blinked, trying to process that. It wasn't often anyone told them to do anything. Purple crossed his arms and pouted. Red narrowed his eyes in annoyance and turned defiantly away from him. "Kids, am I right?" the Kadien King flatly said.

"Oh no one asked you!" Red retorted.

"They're a handful," the comms officer agreed, nodding.

"Or you!" Red snapped.

"Throw him out the airlock! When we're on the ship I mean," Purple said, pointing at the comms officer.

"He's not going out the airlock! Too useful," Red replied.

"No he's not."

"Yes he… ugh, no! We're not doing this now!" Red said.

"I shall go check if the meal is ready for distribution," the King said.

"We're not eating!" Red said.

"I could eat," Purple said.

"No you won't."

"Yes I will."

"No you…" Red stopped himself, drawing a deep and calming breath through his nose. "I can't believe this is happening right now," he said.

"Fine. I won't," Purple sulked.

"Thank you!" Red said.

"At least not right away," Purple added.

"Pur!" Red shouted.

"My Tallest!" the comms officer said sharper than probably intended. They glared at him then lapsed into silence once more.

"Kill them if they attempt anything against you or the princess," the King said, rising to go check on whatever banquet he had planned.

IZ

For a moment there was silence all around. "Now how about that little marriage alliance discussion you owe me for talking my father into this," the princess asked after a moment.

"No one's marrying anyone! Besides, you're not even Irken," Red said.

"A deal is a deal, Tallest Purple," she said.

"I promised you a kiss," Purple said.

"Which isn't happening," Red said.

"I mean, I'm fine with it," Purple said, shrugging. "It's not like it's a marriage or anything."

"She's. Not. Irken," Red said.

"I'm. Not. Marrying her," Purple replied.

"It would be advisable that you both reconsider that stance," she said.

"Oh look at me with all my fancy talk," Red sarcastically mocked. She started and frowned a bit.

"Your dad probably wouldn't like it if I kissed you," Purple said. "Clearly he doesn't like us. Or probably Irkens as a whole."

"A deal is a deal," she said.

"Fine. But if he comes in here and sees me kissing you and arrests me, it's your fault," Purple said.

"Are you serious right now?!" Red demanded.

"I mean, how bad could it be?" Purple asked, shrugging. She was sitting kind of next to him anyway. He leaned towards her. She leaned in as well and kissed him. He tried to draw back almost instantly, surprised by the sensation, but she pulled him in, holding the kiss for a longer period. Red made a gagging motion towards the soldiers. They all snickered, covering their mouths. She let Purple go, looking immensely pleased with herself, and Purple blinked, a bit taken aback. "Huh," he said. "That felt strange. I don't know if I like it." She started and frowned, narrowing her eyes at him.

"You'd probably like it more if it were Tenn," Red bit.

"It wasn't a crush!" Purple insisted. "Besides, Tenn's a small anyway."

"How is it you have more of a love life than me?" Red dryly asked. "You're immature, spoiled, and a brat all wrapped in one."

"Oh, and you're not?" Purple replied.

"No. I'm not," Red said.

"Tallests," the comms officer warned. They gave him dirty looks, then sulked and went silent.

"It's not like you couldn't have a love life y'know. You've just never had crushes—or not crushes—before. Or agreed to kiss anyone," Purple suddenly said. "You could have kissed the princess instead of me doing it."

"You can have the love life. I'll wait until I'm good and ready," Red replied. Purple stuck out his tongue.