Chapter 13 - Struggling To Live With Newfound Freedom


Somehow, Haibara would find herself regretting her decision.

"I'm back," she muttered, the contrasting emotions of the day weighing her down, as she stepped in through the front door of her new home. The sanctuary of Professor Agasa's house greeted her with its familiar, reassuring warmth. Her new guardian, who had been engrossed in his work, looked up and offered a welcoming smile.

"Welcome home, Ai-kun," he greeted her back. "How was your first day at school?"

She sighs before mustering a rather short response, "please don't ask."

The professor chuckled as he set aside his work. "Hahaha! Got entangled in another case because of Shinichi-kun, huh? Don't worry, you'll soon get used to it."

She had returned home rather late, so he knew that the children must have gotten involved in yet another mystery.

Haibara couldn't help but feel that growing accustomed to kidnappings and murders wasn't something to be desired. But she knew the professor was only trying to ease her transition. And it's not like she hadn't witnessed far worse in her previous line of work; she could endure this.

...Provided enough coffee.

After their brief exchange, she made her way to the kitchen, preparing a cup as she needed a moment to collect her thoughts; while the professor retired for the night. He must have been waiting for her to arrive back safe, even if he didn't explicitly show it, she thought. It's not like she was a real child, but she still felt appreciative towards his concern.

The rich, aromatic scent of the brew soon filled the air, offering her a degree of comfort.

With the warm mug in her hands, she took a seat at the kitchen table. Sipping the coffee, her thoughts meandered through the events of her first day at school and her interactions with her new companions.

The kids—no doubt, influenced by the shrunken detective - had shown an audacious spirit—more daring than normal for kids their age. As the wiser adult among the two, she knew she'd need to keep them grounded.

Speaking of the shrunken detective, he remained as obnoxious as ever. Yet, he had sort of a mystifying allure about him that defied explanation. It was like trying to resist an eldritch horror that inexplicably drew her in and made her follow all of his commands.

The sudden realization struck her like a bolt of lightning. It wasn't his charm; it was a supernatural aura that surrounded him! That was the only logical explanation for why she accepted his 'request'!

She shook her head, as she let out a self-deprecating chuckle. Perhaps the caffeine was getting to her in this childlike body. "That's why they don't let children drink this stuff."

...And proceeded to take another sip from her mug.

Despite her discomfort and the strange turn her life had taken, she knew she had given this a chance again for a reason. Her ultimate goal remained unchanged after all. To ensure Gin's demise. And, despite her newfound reservations, Kudo Shinichi was still her best bet in achieving that goal.

As long as she had some time to devise some plans, and to recall as much of the Aptx-4869 details as she could, she was fine with this arrangement she had made with him.

Her coffee cup now empty, she began jotting down the preliminary structure of the drug. If she was going to prepare the antidote, she had to start somewhere.


Regrettably, being allied with that young detective didn't exactly grant her the luxury of free time.

If he wasn't compelling her to go outside and get some fresh air, he was plunging headlong into a new case every other day.

And getting the Professor or the kids involved as well.

Really, couldn't the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department hire any talented detectives? Instead of solely relying on the one that had now turned into a child?

Alas, he didn't make it any easy for her.

The past few days had been intense as he whisked her all around the city, further cementing her involvement in his detective work.

She couldn't help but recall a moment when one of the children kindly offered her an extra ticket to a football match.

"Haibara-san, would you like to join us to see the finals, Tokyo Spirits vs Big Osaka? We've got a spare ticket!"

But before she could even voice her rejection, that boy in the glasses had taken it upon himself to accept on her behalf.

How rude, she thought~

And instead of allowing her to maintain a low profile behind her sunglasses and immerse herself in a magazine, he had insisted that she watch the game.

Revealing their faces to anyone who cared to look. Being discreet was not in his dictionary, apparently. He remained blissfully unaware of just how involved he now was with the Black Organization's top-secret project.


Shiho had always been cautious, especially when it came to divulging information about the Organization. While she didn't possess exhaustive knowledge about every agent, she certainly knew who the boss was. After all, she had worked directly under his orders. However, the notion of entrusting such perilous secrets to the boy beside her, who was currently cheering for his favorite soccer team without a care in the world, was out of the question. Not after she had come to realize just how recklessly he pursued truth and justice.

No doubt, he would risk his life in finding evidence linking the man to his crimes, inevitably placing all of them firmly on the organization's radar again.

In stark contrast to her trepidation about sharing information with him, the support she had received from his mother during her brief stay had proven quite strange. It was rather heartwarming, in fact. She still didn't understand why someone who should wholeheartedly hate her, would be so kind to her instead.

Yukiko Kudo had visited their place multiple times, providing both her and Professor Agasa with homemade meals, especially when Haibara was too preoccupied with Conan's investigations to prepare food herself. Part of it was to take care of her inept son, and part of it was a subtle way to get to know the young girl a little better.

She had also extended a compassionate ear, encouraging Haibara to confide in either her or Yusaku Kudo—Shinichi's father—whenever she felt comfortable. This warmth was a novel experience for Shiho, who had lost everyone she loved, only to find herself embraced by a new circle of people who genuinely cared for her. The Detective Boys had welcomed the child version of her into their group, while Professor Agasa and the Kudo household had accepted her adult persona.

As Haibara observed Conan passionately berating the Tokyo Spirits' players for missing what seemed like an easy goal, she wondered about the intriguing dynamics within his family.

She had asked him, once, why his mother didn't harbor any resentment towards her like he did.

Initially, he wanted to deny that he ever hated her, but hehadacted rather harshly towards the runaway girl. So, instead, he explained that it was merely his mother's nature. She possessed an easygoing and forgiving disposition, always seeking the best in people. And while he didn't share her benevolent nature, he did admire his mother's strength in willing to forgive.

However, he remained much more reticent when it came to discussing his father. This reluctance piqued her curiosity. Haibara couldn't help but speculate that Kudo Shinichi's hesitance and occasional grumbling about his father might be linked to the man's even greater observational skills. It was evident that Conan had inherited his remarkable deductive abilities from someone. And although she had yet to meet him, she sensed that an encounter with Yusaku Kudo would be nothing short of intriguing.

Yet, this prospect filled her with a sense of trepidation.

They seemed like truly wonderful people, and she couldn't shake the guilt that her involvement in their lives had exposed them to greater danger than ever before.

Suddenly, the sharp thud of a ball against the railing jolted her out of her contemplation. It had hurtled dangerously close, displacing the air around it and sending his cap on top of her tumbling to the ground.

The ball, deprived of its buoyancy mid-air, plummeted lifelessly to the ground, deflating with a hiss. Realizing the odd way the ball had shuffled, and noticing that it had been shot—as he discovered the casing on the ground—Conan quickly left to investigate the strange occurrence.

She sighed, "didn't he have any idea how dangerous his actions were?" Sure, solving cases was one thing, but doing it in such a public setting, with thousands of potential witnesses?

Apparently not, because as usual, he got himself involved in that case.

In front of a live broadcast.

As she watched him dash away to call Inspector Megure and try to solve the case, she sighed, thinking about the ridiculousness of his actions. "He must have the devil's luck not to raise any suspicions inside the stadium," she mused.

Left alone with the kids, she found herself dealing with their curiosity about where the other kid had run off to at such speed.


Not even a week later, the group went for a camping trip with the Professor. And again, Kudo-kun's curse led them to be stranded in the middle of the road, forcing them to seek respite inside of a castle.

It was bequeathed to an old woman called Masuyo Mamiya, who was in a wheelchair, along with her family who had been searching for the treasure their father had left them.

While in the middle of solving the puzzle, Conan had seemingly disappeared. The children thought he was just hiding to scare them and they didn't think much of it at first.

But as day turned to night, there was still no sign of him. So they began searching for him. But it soon started raining and they had to halt their investigation.

Ayumi was crying, worried for Conan and Haibara tried to ease her tension by saying that Conan was strong and he'd find a way out.

That's when Ayumi surprised her by asking whether she liked the boy since she understood him so well.

"Like" was such a peculiar term. It encompassed a vast array of emotions, from simple admiration to deeper feelings like attraction, adoration, and affection. For children, mere admiration could be enough to claim they "liked" someone.

But for Haibara, love was an intricate mixture of chemical reactions, a synthesis of complex compounds within a person's brain. It involved the orchestrated release of neurotransmitters like oxytocin and dopamine, responsible for fostering feelings of attachment and pleasure...She had certainly felt more annoyed by his presence than any feeling of pleasure, though, so she concluded that what she felt towards him was a sense of fascination, as an experiment, rather than of love…

And she would never admit that the butterflies she felt in her chest when he was close were anything but an illusion; her mind simply playing tricks on her…

So she denied it, "he doesn't interest me in that sense." And the kids went back inside the castle to rest for the night.

"Kids these days, really."

"But if it's Shinichi we're talking about, he should be fine. He's—" The professor agreed with her previous statement about Conan before Haibara cut him off.

"What are you talking about? He's not the sort of person to just disappear for hours without any notice." She knew something must have happened to him. She told the professor to call the cops in advance. But he ended up disappearing as well.

So she went to investigate alone, to the room where Conan had disappeared from directly. But the children followed her as well. Realizing that Prof. Agasa had gone missing as well.

Having a secret hideout between two rooms was a rather common occurrence in old castles. And she managed to open the hidden door, the same way Conan had done earlier. But while they found new blood, and realized that the missing individuals might be injured or worse, she knew they needed to be careful.

Soon, Genta went missing, and so did Mitsuhiko.

She told Ayumi to run and get help if she doesn't return back, as she left to investigate the place she expected them to be in. But the girl followed her inside. That damn Kudo and his recklessness had rubbed off on them!

"Getting help wasn't the same as simply running away," she should have explained to the kids. There were times when you needed to seek help. People can't do everything on their own, no matter how brave or confident they were.

And just because Conan could handle most situations without anyone's help didn't mean the other children could do the same. Fortunately, Mitsuhiko had used Conan's glasses in the room and rescued the three. And before the girls ended up being attacked by the culprit as well, they all managed to resolve the case, having called Inspector Megure.

The person who had done all this was the supposed owner. Rather their servant, Nishikawa, who had killed the previous mistress and disguised himself as the deceased woman. He had searched for the treasure inside for many years in that form.


And so, she helped him with a few more cases along the way. She didn't understand why he would sometimes act so fondly towards her, considering that he hated her. But it's not like she could ask him that directly. She just assumed that he would occasionally forget that she was a member from the same detested organization, and would think of her as just another regular child.

She met another obnoxious detective: Hattori Heiji, during her stay with the Professor. Observing his interactions with Conan, she felt just as sorry for his 'childhood friend' Kazuha as she did for anyone who knew the shrunken detective. They were rather similar, both forgetting everything else while solving a mystery. At least he wasn't as reckless as Shinichi. Though Kudo did consider himself the better detective. Not that she'd agree with him…even if he was right.

And then there was the rather pretentious thief calling himself Kaito Kid. The less said about him, the better. His ego surpassed even that of the shrunken detective himself, and there was little doubt he would relish any conversation, even if it involved disparaging remarks about him. Like an artist admiring their own masterpiece, he reveled in the spotlight of notoriety. How that…playboy…had racked up any admirers, she'd never understand. He tried to hit on any girl, regardless of age, making him an enemy of all womankind, she concluded on her findings.

Kudo Shinichi certainly knew some rather interesting fellows. And he had inadvertently revealed his real identity to them as well, no thanks to his crime solving tendencies. So they found out about her secret too. She'd have beaten some sense into him, for exposing them to a notorious thief, of all things, but the fact that Kudo Shinichi's real identity remained concealed from the public indicated that they were probably trustworthy individuals, despite her reservations.

Indeed, working as Kudo Shinichi's assistant wasn't fun. He knew exactly how to make use of the people around him.

"That slave driver," she thought wryly.

But while she had been introduced to some of his friends, what she had no knowledge of was the fact that he had allied himself with the same agent her sister had been dating, along with the rest of the FBI team currently situated in Japan. Nor did she have any inkling about the multitude of secrets he had been keeping from her. Whenever she inquired about the extent of his findings on the organization, he consistently made excuses. It was evident he still didn't entirely trust her.

To be fair, she was guilty of the same secrecy when it came to sharing her knowledge about the Organization with him. Revenge against Gin was one thing, but dismantling the entire Organization was an incomprehensible task for a single individual.

This situation could have been resolved much sooner, but they both felt the other wasn't fully on their side, regardless of how they seemingly understood each other. And they were both prideful enough to not give up first. So they were stuck in this standstill.

He'd hopefully end up revealing some of the secrets one day, she thought, and maybe she would too…If he stopped considering her a criminal, same as them.

In a more optimistic world, perhaps she could have laid out all her cards from the start. Perhaps then, they could stand on equal footing. Perhaps then, they could be genuine friends, instead of this ambiguous relationship they shared. But she understood all too well that the world wasn't an ideal place. And she had to keep her secrets, if she wanted to survive.

…if she wanted to survive.

So, her doubts persisted. Conan, while friendly at times, held justice in the highest regard. If the organization were ever taken down, she recognized she would need to atone for her crimes. He had an unwavering respect for justice, which meant she couldn't expect him to set her free, regardless of whether she was coerced into serving the organization.

She always had a choice. One she had contemplated endlessly while trapped in that room. She realized she could have halted her work on the drug much earlier, sparing her sister from the harrowing ordeal of trying to rescue her from the clutches of the Organization. Haibara understood that Akemi might have escaped the sinister world on her own, free from the burden of her sister's fate if she had sacrificed herself first. She could have even made it seem like an accident! That way, Akemi wouldn't even have to suffer long!

But now, her primary focus was completing the antidote quickly. She had to ensure she didn't burden anyone else, didn't let anyone else suffer or die because of her.

She knew she was on a timer.

She knew the Organization was coming for her. And anyone connected to her.

Soon enough, her fears would be substantiated.


A/N:

And this almost wraps up Haibara's arc as well! Sadly, I barely added any romantic interactions between them, like the original did, though it was sparse in it too. But hopefully, they can begin to explore what their feelings are soon enough.

I forgot some rather important details in the previous few chapters! Notably the professor's dialogues in the last chapter and few details about the BO's investigations into Sherry. Along with many issues I've seen in the chapters I am copying almost entirely from the original. I'll only start doing any major edits once I finish the whole thing, though!

But enough of my mistakes, the next chapter will be about the Réunion with BO!