"Salt air, and the rust on your door
I never needed anything more
Whispers of "Are you sure?"
"Never have I ever before""
So much for taking things slow. Was the first thought that crossed Samantha's mind as she opened her eyes. Luckily, he wasn't in bed and she could listen he and her friends preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
She was mortified. So much so, that she didn't mind to leave him alone to them. Nothing they could tell Abe, would be more embarrassing than what she did last night.
What was I thinking?
The problem was: she wasn't. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe this damned erotic dreams she was having lately. Maybe having his hands massaging all over her body. Maybe the damned lingerie his friends made her buy.
Whatever the reason, she was doomed. And it was just the first night.
After taking a shower to wash off the cream of her body. Sam put on another bikini and tons of sunscreen. When she was putting on the dress over it, Abe opened the door.
- Breakfast is ready.
- Thanks. - but she hesitated.
- Do you need anything? - he asked, closing the door.
Yes, I need you to throw me in that bed and make love to me.
- No. I was going to ask you for help with the sunscreen on my back, but considering last night I decided against it.
Abe chuckled.
- That's a pity. - he walked to her and put his arms around her waist. - I'm sorry. I've got carried away.
She pushed him back.
- You got carried away? I asked you to go slow and then I was... and then the wine. I'm sorry.
- It's okay dear, I don't mind at all. - she slapped him in his shoulder playfully. - Seriously though, do you need help with the sunscreen? I promise I'll behave.
- We better not. I'll go ask Emma.
"But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine"
- Why are you taking things slow again? - Emma asked.
They were sitting back with drinks and magazines. Abe had stayed back at the house saying that he had work to do. What gave her a bigger confidence to stay just in her bikini.
- I just don't want to go down so fast and later have to get over him all over again. - Sam responded.
- Do you really think you will break up again?
- I don't know. - she shrugged.
- You're being absurd! If he didn't want to be with you, he would never had gone through all this trouble.
- I... I know... it's just... too good to be truth.
- I think you're just scared.
- Yeah, I'm fucking scared! Every time I've opened up to love in my whole life, it didn't end up well. For me.
- Wait a minute. Love?
- Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.
- I thought it was just... you know... sex.
- I wish it was that easy. - Sam sighed, leaning back.
- So, do you love him? Or, did he say he loved you?
Sam looked at Emma.
- "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"
Emma laughed.
- Seriously, though.
- I don't know.
- What are you afraid of, exactly?
- Heartbreak?
- Oh, come on. We all had our hearts broken. You've been through it hundreds of times. Why does it matter, now?
- Because... I can't... I can't take it. If he chooses her.
- Why would he?
- Because she is beautiful, refined, wise. They look so good together. Because he will always feel bad about how he looks, how he is denying me a real relationship. And with her, this is not an issue. Because he truly loved her, I know it, I felt it. And me, well, we just had an affair. Passion can make things blurry.
- Right. So why didn't he just take her? It's been four years, Sam. If he really wanted to, he would have.
- He doesn't know what he wants.
- The guy worships the ground you walk on. You said yourself he's older and wiser...
- Yes, but... we had just months together. We never went passed the passion phase.
- You're saying?
- He fell deeply on love with her. Without even kissing her. He only... he thinks he loves me, but we just had good sex together. That's not love.
- Man, you're complicating things. Why didn't they have sex then? If he thought you were dead.
- Didn't they? I don't know.
- He told you they didn't. Don't you believe him?
- Well, I do. But you've never seen the way they act around each other. It's natural as if they're part of each other.
- Sam, they've been friends and companions for four years. It is probably the same as you behave around Blake.
- With the exception that Blake is gay, and we've never had any romantic attachment.
- You're exaggerating all of this in you head. Like usual.
- I don't th...
- Well, hello there.
Sam stood up so fast, she tripped on her own feet. The princess stood in front of her flawlessly. A light pink elegant summer dress, her hair half pulled back with braids and the rest of the golden locks falling perfectly down her back, lightly flying in the wind.
- Samantha, how good to see you again.
She smiled and a halo of sunlight shined above her. Made Sam aware that she was just using a very not elegant two piece bikini, while the princess looked like a sea goddess.
Were they holding hands? It was funny how she took a long time to notice Abe when the princess was around. She was under impression they had come down the path to the beach holding hands, as a happy couple. Damn. Am I seeing things?
While Sam stood there paralyzed, Emma took the front.
- Hello. I'm Emma. Sam's friend.
- Ow, it's so nice to meet you, Emma. What a lovely hat.
Emma blushed at the compliment. Yeah, the princess had this effect on people. She was enchanting.
- Right. You can take my chair. I was just about to go swimming. - Sam said. And walked away as fast as she could.
She didn't really wanted to go into the water, but she wasn't ready to stay next to Nuala without start weeping. She looked around for Blake and Justin that had left for a walk on the beach. No sight of them. They were probably making out somewhere hidden. So she was scared to go looking for them.
- Sam?
Halfway to the ocean, he called her name and caught up with her.
- Are you okay? - Abe asked facing her.
- Of course, I am! Why wouldn't I be?
She dodged him and continue down the beach.
- You said you didn't like swimming in open water.
- Well. Yes, but... it's too hot. I need to freshen up. - she said, but her voice sounded rash.
He looked up at the cloudy sky where a shy ray of sun light would shine for a second or two before disappearing.
- Are you mad at me? - He said trying to keep up with her fast paces.
- No. Why would I be? - she always answer with questions when she's angry, he noticed.
- Because of last night.
I'm mad at me because of last night.
- I've already told you I'm not angry. I've got carried away. It won't happen again.
- It won't? - he sounded disappointed.
- No, it won't. Taking things slowly, remember?
- Why do you sound so angry then?
She was trying to sound angry so he would let her be. The second option being: start wiping in front of him.
- I just want to be alone.
- Samantha. - he took her by the arm, turning her to face him. Small waves rolling at their feet. - Tell me what is wrong.
- I told you before. Nothing is wrong. Why you keep asking that?
- Because you're lying.
- I'm not lying. Why would I lie?
- I don't know. I just know that when you are mad and want to avoid answering, you respond with another question.
She looked confused. Damn, telepaths.
- And I don't need to read your mind to know that...- he said.
- I don't want to talk. Just leave me be.
- ...but I'm not above reading your mind to find out what is wrong. Not anymore.
She stopped and turned. The water already reaching her hips. A chill went through her.
- You wouldn't dare. - she responded.
- Then tell me.
- Ok. Now, I'm angry. Just go before I make you. And it's not above me to make it so. It never was.
They stared at each other for a moment.
- Is this about Nuala?
He noticed her eyes become glassy before she walked away into the water.
"And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine."
- Let's take a walk down the beach! - Nuala said happily taking his hand, as he returned to the chairs.
- I'll be here. - Emma says friendly.
- I'll be along. You go ahead. - He said.
Abe didn't really want to go for a walk. He wanted to go back into the water and kiss her until she lose her senses. And tell him what was wrong. Emma waited for him to say something, but he just sat there lost in thought. She noticed his strange features and wondered how man are always trouble doesn't matter what they look like.
Emma sighed. She wanted to see her friend be happy. She watched year after year as Sam would close her heart and be lonely. Even in parties or daily activities she had that empty face, like a long distant longing.
These past months though, she watched her friend light up with every blip of the phone. And smile at nothing when lost in thought. And she knew it was because of him.
She didn't know him. But, she knew Samantha enough to know that was something. They were something. An unexplainable connection interwind them.
- She's just madly jealous, you know. - Emma told him. - she thinks she is not good, or wise, or smart enough for you. Not like her, anyway. - she pointed the princess with her head.
- Samantha is not very wise when her emotions are strongest. - Emma continued. - She usually just get scared and close up. Or runs away. Either way, she's just putting protection barriers up.
Abe sighed and looked in the direction of the ocean.
- But I tell you what. I've never seen her so happy like in this couple of months. She's just too used to being alone.
Abe thought about that all through their walk along the shore. He didn't share his thoughts with the princess, like usually, but he couldn't keep up a conversation while his mind was elsewhere.
The sun was already setting when they returned, and she had already left to the house. After they went in the the sun set, a gentle but persistent rain started to fall. Abe wished they were alone, so they could talk privately. He wished they were alone, so he would take her to the couch, put a movie on and wrap a blanket around her together with his arms. And kiss her deeply as the movie got boring, making her soft in his embrace.
But they weren't. And she spent the whole evening making her best efforts in ignoring him.
Back when we were still changin' for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say, "Meet me behind the mall"
So much for summer love and saying "us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
