AN: Sorry for the long wait everybody, this one was REALLY difficult to write because on top of life being just plain not fun these last few months, I had to come up with some way to make the fight with Arlong's crew not a completely one sided massacre, deserved as that might be. I know this chapter's a bit shorter than the last few, but I think I've kept y'all waiting long enough.
Anyway, on another note, it's begun to really irritate me that I can't properly reply to comments posted on my works, and I can't really do anything about the really nasty ones that people should really just keep to themselves. Also recently the PM system has been on the fritz too not sending me notifications. All that being the case, I've deleted all but this story and one other from my account and will be moving to AO3 where I can actually communicate with all of you, and post pictures! I've actually HAD a cover image for this story for a while, but all you get here is a tiny little thumbnail that you can barely even see properly.
As is tradition, Reviewer Replies:
Sultan Asil Arslan-Hiatus: I'm very glad you're still enjoying, and no, Bones isn't going to hit below the belt like that. When he decks the World Government it's going to be a proper decking: bloody nose, black eyes, teeth missing and jaw fractures so that they will never quite look the same.
Darkcrest27: Ah, yes, you're right. Well I suppose that's 2 things Bones has been wrong about now.
Mr. BrownOptometrist: Very glad you're enjoying, excellent profile picture. Always a welcome sight.
the watcher Earth C-137: I'm very glad it got the intended reaction (^_^) And yes, that is now the second thing Bones has been wrong about.
vegaulloa17: Aw, you're gonna make me blush!
Lazy Servant: Thank you for the comment! (^_^)
Draegoon: Well think about it like this: Someone you have no control over has just proven they know at least two things you didn't want anyone to know about and is very much in a position to screw you over with that knowledge, having hinted that they know siginifcantly more of your deep dark secrets that could ruin you, your organization, your family, etc. Would you, knowing this person exists and having the means to deal with them, just let them run free? Or would you have them dealt with before they can ruin you?
Guest who tries to guess my curveballs before I throw them: I'm very glad you're enjoying. I can't really say much about where the story will go without spoiling things, but I will answer the ones I can: Bones did not get Blackbeard's pain tolerance. Bones will not be eating a Mythical Zoan fruit. Luffy understands that the notes are a treasure to Reiju and so he would never damage them. Garp strength wasn't an option, giant strength was, and the durability was a loophole he exploited. Regardless of how true it may or may not have been, would you say Oden couldn't have done it with YAMATO standing within clubbing distance of you? Neither would anyone else with any survival instincts.
Lifelessman: Glad you enjoyed
Bob of the A: Thank you, I'm very glad you're enjoying it. And yes, those two are a very solid item.
Greer123: Yep.
Guest suggesting devil fruits who thinks Ace and Whitebeard should still snuff it before the timeskip: All wrong, but good guesses nevertheless. I'm glad you're enjoying. (^_^)
Harem Fan: Weeell, perhaps not as soon as any of us would've liked but here ya go! In deliberately scrambled order: No, no, yes, no, no, no, no, no, not likely but not impossible, no, maybe, maybe, yes, unlikely, yes, maybe, maybe, yes, no, yes, no, no, yes, and yes. As for the rest, read on and find out! (^_^)
Guest suggesting Erymanthian Boar: Suggestion noted, but no, Bones will not be eating a Mythical Zoan fruit. As for someone bumping off Ace, who knows?
Guest who feels he/she does not have to be replied to but didn't directly ask to not be replied to: Well, not as soon as any of us had hoped, but here ya go! Well, some of those may happen, but I will say no Logia or double fruiting. Too obvious.
piquelmyuzk: Well think about it like this: Someone you have no control over has just proven they know at least two things you didn't want anyone to know about and is very much in a position to screw you over with that knowledge, having hinted that they know siginifcantly more of your deep dark secrets that could ruin you, your organization, your family, etc. Would you, knowing this person exists and having the means to deal with them, just let them run free? Or would you have them dealt with before they can ruin you?
Temsen: At that point in the story no, he didn't. He learned that in the next chapter.
Dende's Special Sauce: I'm very glad you think so! This Bites was actually one of the stories that helped motivate me to write this story.
Rake1810: I'm very glad you're enjoying. (^_^)
TheWolves1331: I'm very glad you're enjoying. (^_^)
Greatazuredragon: I'm very glad you're enjoying. (^_^)
Guest: Glad you're enjoying! (^_^)
And now, with that out of the way...
CHAPTER 10 - AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
…~…
I paused pushing Kuina's wheelchair back towards Shimotsuki Village as I heard my Transponder Snail ringing. I pulled it out and opened the little case I'd gotten for him, turning the little microphone around to answer, "Go for Bo-…Ain are you alright?!"
If the snail was reflecting her expression properly, then no, she very much wasn't. Her eyes were red and puffy, her face was all twisted up like she was in horrible pain and dammit if someone was hurting her this much they were going to pay. In. BLOOD. I take to a lady being hurt about as poorly as Sanji does.
"You. Fucking. JERK!" Ain snapped, "This will cost me my entire career if they don't catch Shiki!"
My blood ran colder than Aokiji, "They would black ball you for a piece of information not panning out?"
"YES YOU IDIOT!" Ain bit out angrily, "If this doesn't pan out then it'll be a multi-billion beri fuck up! That's the kind of shit that gets people dishonorably discharged immediately! It's like losing an entire battleship! Except this'll be worse because it'll be seen as letting Shiki get away when we have the element of surprise and good intel!"
I was quiet for a moment and then, "If they black ball you Ain, use your Devil Fruit power and come to me and Yamato. You're always welcome with us."
Ain's tears stopped and her jaw dropped in surprise, "Wh-what? You…"
"Have you got a pen and paper?" I asked quietly, "I have some ideas about your Devil Fruit that if you can pull them off, will make you so indispensable an asset that they'd have to be insane to black ball you."
"Wha…you want to help me?" Ain asked in shock.
"The offer stands Ain," I declared, "You're our friend and if you get black balled over the mishandling of my information then it's as much my fault as your clown superiors'. And yes, they'd have to be clowns to even consider giving up an asset as versatile and formidable as you, so don't even try to argue with me about that. If I had realized you were going to be put in the line of fire for being the one to set up that meeting, I'd have gotten a hold of Sengoku or Garp myself."
I ground my teeth in frustration, "Does the incompetence of the Navy know any bounds? Geez, this is ridiculous." I exhaled angrily, "No matter. If you're comfortable with it, I'd like to ask some questions about the limits of your Devil Fruit. I think I have a fairly good understanding of it as is, but I don't know for sure if any of these ideas I'm about to give you will work. It'll be up to you to determine what of them do and don't work, but if I can help you in any way Ain, please, do not hesitate to ask."
…
…Half an Hour of Brainstorming Later…
…
After Ain hung up from our call, considerably more confident and optimistic about her future, Kuina looked over her shoulder at me, "Do you really think that was wise? What if you wind up fighting her some day, or if she faked all that to infiltrate your crew and milk you for information?"
"Then I'll know all her best moves because I came up with them," I replied with a grin, "And if she's a mole, then I'll at least know from the get-go that the possibility is there. I'd much rather know if there's a potential ticking time bomb on my ship than have the Marines send someone I might not recognize who could actually get the drop on me."
Kuina's jaw dropped in surprise and then she snorted as a grin spread across her face, "That's actually clever. Hey, why are we heading back to the village? Those two aren't anywhere near done hammering yet."
"Well we have to let Yama-chan know about the change in plans," I explained, "But also, I've got some sketching to do and wouldn't feel right not offering you a roll back."
"I'm perfectly capable of getting myself back," Kuina frowned up at me, "Don't you dare start treating me like some kind of invalid. My arms and hands still work perfectly I'll have you know."
I gently tapped her on the head with one finger, "Hey, you're my friend right?"
"Yes?" she pouted at me.
I leaned down to look her in the eye, "I do nice things for my friends. Just because you don't need help doesn't mean I won't still offer it. If you keep complaining, I will pick you up and carry you the entire way princess style in retaliation."
"Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"
"Try me," I grinned.
She did not.
…
…Twenty Minutes Later…
…
It didn't take us long to locate Koshiro, who blanched ever so slightly when he saw me pushing Kuina's wheelchair. He left some of his older students to supervise the younger ones and beckoned us to a different room in the dojo. It wasn't a large room, traditional Japanese (or I suppose Wanoan here, that's going to take so much getting used to) décor. Hard wood floors with a little tatami mat that Koshiro moved over to and a little barrel of bamboo swords in the corner, all lit by a single lantern hanging from the ceiling.
Koshiro sat down with his legs tucked under him and adopted a solemn expression, "So, I presume you have something you wish to discuss with me?"
"Father, Bones says there are doctors who can fix my back!" Kuina exclaimed excitedly.
Whatever Koshiro had been expecting, that wasn't it. He looked to me in surprise, "Are you sure?"
I nodded, "The doctors of Drum Kingdom are skilled enough to stick a man's head back on after it's been lopped off and save his life if they get to him in time. While a severe and old injury, I fully believe this should be reparable for them. Yamato and I are heading in the direction of Drum Kingdom, and I do not believe Yamato would object to stopping there."
Koshiro considered that for a moment, "I have not heard of this 'Drum Kingdom'. Where is it? Somewhere in the East Blue?"
I shook my head, "No, it's in the first half of the Grand Line. It is the third island in its Log Route."
Koshiro sat forward, his brow now furrowed in concern, "How will she get back?"
Kuina swapped a glance with me and then turned back to Koshiro, her expression firm, "Father, when I have my legs back, I WILL resume my pursuit of my dream." She closed her eyes and bowed her head, "I know you believe my body cannot surpass a man's. I will not argue this with you. We've argued about that enough, but my technique? My skill?"
She opened her eyes and I swear a little bit of Conqueror's Haki started to eek out of her, "I have long since surpassed every man on this island. I will surpass every man in this ocean, and then every man in this WORLD. I will go to the ends of the earth and beyond if I must. I will overcome this injury, I will overcome my limits, and I will overcome everyone and everything between me and the top. I've sat idle for too long Father. I refuse to let the world pass me by and leave my dream in the dirt any longer."
Koshiro exhaled and then stood up. He wordlessly walked over to the barrel of bamboo practice swords in the corner and drew two, "Bones-san, I understand you may think this cruel of me, but understand that I cannot stand the idea of sending my daughter into the perils of the Grand Line with only the assurance of a man I have just met that she will be safe. Also understand that my daughter is the single most stubborn person I have ever met, so I do not believe any amount or quality of words will sway her now that she has set her mind on a path."
He turned with the two bamboo practice swords in his hands. I realized what he was planning right then and thought to myself, You can NOT be serious… "So Kuina, if you are truly set on this course…" he threw her one of the bamboo practice swords, "Then I will have you defend your claim that you have surpassed me here and now!"
I was opening my mouth to protest and call him crazy when Koshiro moved. Right behind and then passing the bamboo sword he'd thrown to Kuina, with his own clenched in both hands pulled back to in no uncertain terms bash the shit out of her. I cannot stress enough how quick and unexpected the movement was, and damned efficient at that. This was beyond a merely textbook perfect rush. All he'd moved to propel himself forward like that was a single foot, and he was on top of me and Kuina in an instant, his bamboo practice sword already coming around.
My thoughts on the matter?
HOLY JESUS FUCK HE'S QUICK! To be clear, I'd gotten used to processing things at the speed of Soru, and he still crossed that room almost too fast to see.
A meaty smack rang out and caught me so off guard that I blinked.
As my eyes reopened from the blink, there was a blur of movement. The bamboo sword Koshiro had tossed Kuina landed in her hand in the brief instant my eyes closed and as I reopened them was immediately flicked to meet his throat. Koshiro's own blade had been stopped as Kuina caught both of his hands in her left, that's what the meaty smack had been.
The entire world seemed to be holding its breath, Koshiro leaned back with his whole body curved up to avoid the bamboo pressed to his throat and his own still half chambered from where Kuina had stopped it mid swing. Kuina was giving him a steady look, but it was as strong and steady a look as I'd ever seen. If they were real blades, Kuina could've skewered his head like a shishkebab or had it clean off with the slightest movement.
In that simple exchange, it had been made incredibly clear that Kuina was indeed vastly more skilled than her father to have been able to anticipate, catch and counter his strike like that with what appeared to be complete effortlessness.
Is this how Zoro felt when Mihawk blocked his Oni Giri with a pocket knife? I wondered to myself in no small awe of the skill I'd just seen displayed. I might've been in the body of a small titan, and I had always liked to consider myself no slouch in terms of combat skill, but compared to what I had just seen? I felt like a complete amateur. It had been a long time since I'd been humbled like that. I realized then and there, no matter how bad I was, I still had a LONG way to go…
Finally, Koshiro dropped his bamboo sword, and it clattered to the ground, clearly conceding his defeat. He stepped back and then took another step back before getting down on his knees, "I see." He bowed his head to the floor, "I am sorry my daughter. I have allowed myself to be so blinded by my worry for your safety that I couldn't see that you've surpassed me. Please…" his voice wavered, "Forgive this foolish old man for wanting to protect his baby girl!"
Kuina tutted and reached over him to poke him with the tip of her bamboo sword, "Get up Father, there's nothing to forgive. Quit making a scene."
Koshiro let out a tiny little laugh and then sat up, "Very well." He looked at me, "Bones-san, I will be entrusting my daughter to you and Yamato-san. Is there anything you will require for your voyage?"
I took a second longer to snap out of my stupefied awe at the combat prowess I had just seen and shook my head like a dog shaking dry before replying, "Ah, yeah. Nails. A shit load of them. Our ship is barely big enough for me and Yama-chan, I'll need to add onto it."
"Will you not also need lumber?" Koshiro asked in mild confusion.
"If you can point me to some trees that nobody minds me turning into boards, I know a technique to create a razor wind like what you can produce from a sword, and another which can split stone, let alone trees," I explained, "And frankly, I need to practice."
Koshiro nodded, "Very well, I believe Shiro-san has many nails, and there is a forest on the mountain to the east which I do not believe anyone will mind a few trees being cut from. Will this delay your departure?"
I thought for a moment, "I'll let you know tomorrow when I've had a bit more time to gauge my speed. This'll be finnicky difficult construction, I'm not sure how long it'll take. Kuina, would you mind letting Yama-chan know what I'm up to whenever she and Shiro-san finish for the evening?"
"Yeah, no problem," Kuina agreed with a smile, "I'll be packing."
…
…That Night, Shore of Shimotsuki Village…
…
"Hey," Yama-chan said quietly.
Well, I say quietly. She said it loudly enough that I could hear her over my thumping in the bowels of our now considerably larger ship. Being able to drive nails and split boards in a single swing and move at bullet like speeds had made construction go ridiculously much faster. Already I had nearly doubled the length of the ship and was busily adding a new cabin. It still wasn't much of a ship, still more of a long sailboat. We'd have to upgrade soon most likely, especially if we picked up more crewmates. Also, the thought of making love to Yama-chan in a spacious and luxurious Captain's Quarters had entered my head during the design phase and a very large part of me wanted to make that happen.
I hauled myself up out of the bowels of the ship and hopped down to the sand to meet her with a smile, "Hey Beautiful, how's the forging going?"
"You changed our course." Yamato stated simply, with her arms crossed and the moon behind her making it difficult to read her expression beyond her faintly glowing amber eyes staring at me.
The…simplicity of that statement warned me that it was a very dangerous patch of water I'd just sailed my butt into. I nodded, "Yes."
"Because you found me a sword master to teach me how to use two-sword style, who happens to be a distant descendant of one of the most legendary samurai to ever live, who needs to have surgery on an island you know of but don't know anything about the route to aside from what's on the map," she continued.
I nodded, so she knows WHY I was so sure she'd be okay with it, that's a good sign… "That's right."
"And you thought I'd be okay with it because it means we get an adventure where even you won't know what's coming," she continued, still giving me that cold, flat stare.
I risked another nod, "Right."
"And you're modifying the ship right now so that we can fit my new kenjutsu teacher and have our ship hopefully hold up to the insane waters of the Grand Line," she assessed.
I gave her a thumbs up, "Right!"
"And you have it up here on the sand so you can work on it without risk of it sinking?"
"Yes."
"And you're going to drag the mattress out here so that I don't drive your hips through the floor thanking you for being the best boyfriend I could've ever asked for right?" she finished as a broad smile finally broke through her carefully maintained poker face.
It took me all of half a second to register what she'd just said and then I grinned broadly, "I love you so much." Then I turned and dove back into the bowels of the ship to drag our mattress out.
…
…Meanwhile…
…
Reiju snapped awake as the sudden dead certainty settled over her that something was very wrong. She sat up and hurried outside, yanking on a shirt to look out over the moonlit waves. A few moments of looking confirmed her fears, "Where are my sharks?"
"You noticed him too huh?" Koala asked as she walked around from the bow.
"Noticed who?" Reiju asked warily.
"The Sea Beast," Koala declared nervously, her eyes following something beneath the waves, "He must've smelled the chum, seen the sharks and thought it was a buffet. He's not Grand Line or Calm Belt big, but he's probably one of the biggest predators in the East Blue right now."
Reiju's blood ran cold as she remembered what I'd written her a warning about in what I now realize must've been a rather small and seemingly throw away line for her to have forgotten about it so thoroughly:
On your way to the Conomi Islands, be careful with making too much 'food' smell. The Arlong Pirates have a Sea Bull the size of several houses stuck together. He's amphibious, carnivorous, EASILY large enough to sink you, and has a VERY good sense of smell. Luffy, Zoro, Sanji and unless I'm mistaken you yourself should be easily strong enough to dismantle it. Do keep your eyes peeled though, there won't be a lot you can do if he doesn't pop his head up to say hello before trying to eat you.
Reiju's eyes went wide and she turned to Koala, "Hey Koala…I think I may have fucked up."
Koala made a face nervously, "Maybe he's full OH SHIT!"
That was the point where Mohmoo surged up and ate half of the boat, specifically the middle half where everyone else was sleeping, leaving only Reiju and Koala not swallowed whole as they scrambled to cling to the back end of the boat which was now nothing but flotsam.
…
…Meanwhile, Elsewhere…
…
"You're sure about this?" the immense man asked the young beauty with dark blue hair. The office they were in was dark and smokey, lit only by the moonlight filtering in through the window.
"Positive sir, if this is something only I'm in a position to do, and there's even a chance it'll work, then isn't that a risk we have to take?"
Her superior nodded, "Very well. We'll commence the operation in the morning."
…
…Later That Night, A Different Elsewhere…
…
The young woman in the Marine Cadet's uniform yawned widely and sat down in the corner, "Oh fuck this, I'm going to sleep."
"B-but you can't! We're on watch duty!" her partner exclaimed, his panic at the idea clearly showing.
"Yeah, and you can watch me sleep," she replied crabbily, "God Coby, I know this is important to you, but I got shanghaied into it." She pulled her knees up and set her chin on it, glaring lightly at her tiny, pink haired (only) friend, "Come on, we're in the safest harbor in the entire East Blue, on the ship of quite possibly the most widely feared Marine in the world, and definitely the most feared in the East Blue. There's not a pirate in the East Blue crazy enough to attack Loguetown, especially not with this ship sitting in the bay. Besides, haven't you heard the rumors? We're heading into the Grand Line in the morning! This may be the last chance to get a good rest we ever get!"
Coby exhaled, "I know Mary, and… for what it's worth, I'm sorry you got forced into this. You shouldn't have been a pirate bu-"
"Shouldn't have been a pirate?!" Mary exclaimed, surging (quite literally) to her feet to snatch Coby up by the lapels as her legs resolidified, "My whole FAMILY was pirates! We didn't call ourselves the Trump SIBLINGS for laughs you know! Bear King was my dad, Pin Joker and Skunk One were my uncles and Boo Jack was my little brother! You really think I could've done anything else with my life?! THEY WERE ALL I HAD!" she ranted, not caring that anyone who cared to listen would be able to hear her.
It was right about then that Coby realized Mary had tears gathering in her eyes as she sank to her knees, still clutching his lapels, "They were all I had…"
Coby for his part, was thoroughly freaked out. Not only was a pretty girl talking to him, she was crying on him and…needed comfort? Well, it is the job of a Marine to help those who need it, he thought to himself, and, even if we just met a few days ago and she's not very helpful and kind of rude…I'd like to think she's my friend. On that thought, Coby lifted his arms to comfort her, and as he took a deep breath to try and say something comforting, he nearly choked on a waft of thick cigar smoke.
Mary looked up as Coby began coughing and then looked around as she realized there was indeed smoke in the air, only to freeze as she saw the figure sitting on the railing, surrounded by a cloud of chokingly thick white smoke. With a cigar jutting from either corner of his mouth like tusks, Captain Smoker of Loguetown regarded the two cadets coolly.
"I thought you looked familiar," Captain Smoker declared calmly. Mary actually held onto Coby a little bit tighter in fear, Captain Smoker was the most feared Marine in the East Blue when Vice Admiral Garp wasn't around. Loguetown and the surrounding waters had an extremely low rate of violent crime, with a pirate presence of exactly zero, and it was entirely because of Captain Smoker. Even the East Blue Mafia, a near omnipresent force in the criminal underworld if you sailed anywhere in the western half of the East Blue, wouldn't go near Loguetown because of him.
Captain Smoker let his arrival and words hang in the air for a moment as he took a drag of his cigars and then exhaled, "Vice Admiral Garp is vouching for you by having you in his forces, so I'll trust his judgment. You're a logia right?"
"Y-yessir," Mary answered shakily, "The Syrup-syrup fruit, I turn into syrup."
Captain Smoker was quiet for a moment, "Is the syrup you produce edible?"
Mary blinked and then blushed, "Um, I…I'm not sure. I've, never tried feeding it to anyone. Wouldn't that be kind of weird sir?"
"Devil Fruits that can provide food are extremely valuable, no matter how they do it," Captain Smoker declared, "When I was a rookie I got deployed to the New World, and our ship wound up in pursuit of a ship belonging to one of the four most powerful pirate crews in the world. There were several powerful devil fruit users aboard that ship, do you know which one was the highest priority for the Marines?"
"The cook?" Coby guessed.
"Right," Captain Smoker nodded, giving a small upturning of the corner of his mouth that might have passed for a smile of approval, "Specifically Gourmet Knight Streusen of the Big Mom Pirates. He has the power of the Cook-cook fruit, he can turn anything into edible food. Incredibly disgusting food by all accounts, but edible. His ability is part of what's allowed the Big Mom Pirates to maintain their empire in the New World because he can turn anything into food stuffs that maintain the unperishable qualities of whatever it was prior. Who cares what food tastes like if you're starving at sea?"
"So if my syrup is edible…" Mary mused cautiously.
"You could be an incredible asset to the Marines," Captain Smoker finished, "Especially if that syrup can be used as a preservative or for fermentation. Unlimited grog?" he shrugged, "I don't know, but you should look into it. Suggest it to Garp, he'll probably love the idea of his steaks never going bad. Just don't bring up jelly donuts or you'll wind up his personal cook until he retires." He was definitely grinning now, Coby decided.
"Anyway," Smoker continued, "Seeing as how you're a Logia, or more likely what I've heard called a 'Special Paramecia' since syrup probably doesn't count as an element. I think that's a pretty pointless differentiation, a shark's a shark doesn't matter if it's black or blue or white or orange with striped. At any rate, since the only other Logia types you're likely to meet are either pirates or the three Admirals, unless you meet Prince Grus who's been stationed in the New World for ages, I thought I'd stop in and give you some pointers if you're up for it."
"Y-you want to help train me?" Mary asked in surprise.
"My mentors hammered it into me that it was imperative to pass on any knowledge we could to younger Marines. Besides, I just had to discharge my star pupil for being a danger to herself and those around her, and I need something to get my mind off that," Smoker declared before wafting off the rail into a standing position, specifically a fighting stance, "So, you want to learn how to stay alive?"
…
…The Next Morning, Just Before Dawn…
…
I was woken up by the Transponder Snail ringing, my hand snapped out to where I'd set the little guy and scooped up the transceiver, "Bones here, talk to me."
"Bones, I got your number from Reiju," Nami told me shakily, "She said you know everything, so I need you to tell me where Buggy the Clown is. Arlong is going to hunt him down and kill him and his entire crew. Every fishman in Arlong Park is ready to go, they just need a heading. I asked them to hold up because I thought you might be able to save them some time."
I sat bolt upright as what she'd just said registered with me, "WHAT?!" I shook my head and thought for a second, "Tell them to head for Loguetown. Buggy's heading there because he thinks Luffy will go there to restock supplies before heading for the Grand Line. Tell them to lie low and stay in the water. If they don't want Marine interference in the form of an incredibly pissed off Logia who's only not a Vice Admiral because he doesn't like following orders, they'll keep it out of Loguetown and do their business with Buggy while he's still at sea. I imagine they'll want to do that anyway since they hold the advantage in the water. They'll need to make a beeline straight there and not stop for anything if they want to catch him in time."
"SHAHAHAHAHA!" Arlong laughed from what I had to guess was right behind Nami, "I like your style human! That's a good plan! You have my thanks, would you like to join my crew?"
"My bounty is ten times yours for a reason," I replied bluntly, "And I'm pretty sure Fisher Tiger wouldn't approve of your shenanigans over there in Conomi." I let that hang in the air for a second as I saw Arlong's eyes bug out and added with a grin, "You don't like my words because you know they're true. You want to fight about it? Meet me on the Eastern shore of Longbuck Island, I'll make shark fin soup out of your ass. You want some? Come and get it."
Arlong was quiet for a moment but I could tell from his expression he was livid. After a moment he spoke, "You're dead human. I will see you very soon."
Everything was quiet on the other end of the connection for a few minutes and after I heard a distant sounding splash, Nami told me shakily, "Reiju…Reiju said you were crazy, I didn't realize how crazy. You're, you're really going to fight his entire crew?"
"I'm going to slaughter his entire crew," I corrected calmly, "Except for Hatchan, unless he just doesn't know when to stay down. Now then, are you hurt?"
Nami was quiet for a moment and then, "Emotionally or physically?"
"Physically Nami, I know you're an emotional wreck right now," I told her gently, "I'm going to deal with Arlong, and I'll find out what happened to the others. Are you and your village okay? Will you be okay if I bring you Arlong's head?"
Nami let out a very frightened, nigh hysterical laugh, "Y-yeah! That would be really something!"
"Then I'll do that," I quietly assured her, "I'm going to hang up now and call Reiju to see if they're okay, you go see Nojiko okay? You're not in the best headspace right now, go hang out with your sister for a bit and I'll call you back when I know what's up with Reiju and the others okay?"
"Y-yeah, sure…okay…I, I can do that…" Nami agreed shakily, still very clearly trying to hold it together.
"Alright, you be safe Nami," I told her gently, "I'll call you back soon." I gently hung up and immediately started dialing Sabo and Koala's number since I knew Reiju was supposed to still be with them. I swapped a very worried glance with Yama-chan who had woken up in time to hear most of the conversation and was now sitting up looking about as worried as I was.
The wait was seemingly interminable and I may or may not have been supremely fidgety as the pessimistic part of my brain started my mind racing a million miles an hour about all the things I was going to have to do if Luffy and the others had been taken out of the equation.
Finally, the snail grew frazzled pink hair and its eyes turned blue. I breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh thank god you're still alive…"
"Yes, and I would appreciate a bit more weight being given to anymore sea monsters we're going to encounter," Reiju told me rather grumpily, "That stupid sea-bull ate all my sharks, bit our boat in half while everybody was sleeping on that half, and it took me and Koala ten minutes of fighting it underwater to make it cough everyone up. We're taking turns rowing now because we haven't got a sail anymore and we're honestly lucky to have been able to salvage the lifeboat. I think we'll make it to the Conomi Islands around midday. Are there any other potential unwelcome surprises we're going to be running into?"
"Well the biggest one is that Arlong and his crew took off about fifteen minutes ago headed for Longbuck Island," I explained calmly, "Nami called me for Buggy the Clown's location because apparently Arlong has taken severe issue with Buggy. I pissed him off myself enough to make him come after me first."
"Can you and Yamato handle him and his crew by yourselves?" Reiju asked wearily.
I thought about snarking her, but instead simply nodded, she was tired and frustrated. Snark wouldn't help. "It shouldn't be too difficult. Who knows? We might even break a sweat."
Reiju sighed, "Well give him a few good kicks for me. We're going to go pick up Nami, and…Luffy? Do you want to hang out at Nami's house until Bones calls to tell us Arlong definitely won't be coming back?"
Reiju was quiet for a moment and then, "Luffy says yes. After that we'll come meet you in Loguetown."
I nodded, "Probably for the best, if any of them get away from us, then you may wind up needing to deal with some stragglers."
"We'll keep our eye out," Reiju replied tiredly, "Good luck you two." She seemed like she was about to hang up and then she paused, "Oh, can you tell me Nami's number? I want to let her know we're still coming."
I nodded and rattled off the number to her, "Give her a hug for me when you get there, I think she really needs one right now."
"Will do," Reiju agreed before hanging up.
I looked over at Yama-chan and gave her a small smile, "Sorry for waking you."
Yama-chan blinked at me in surprise and then blushed before gently swatting me, "Dummy, I don't mind being woken up for important things… but…" she looked me in the eye, "Where's Longbuck Island? Can we get there in time?"
"Easy, it's about two hours that way," I pointed in the direction of Loguetown, "We'll probably beat them there even if we take our time."
Then I reached over and grabbed the third sack of stuff I'd picked up on Park Island. There was one particular item I was looking for, and a moment later I found it and pulled it out, "Do you think I should use this?"
Yamato looked at it warily, "Do you really think they're strong enough to merit that?"
I shrugged, "Well, no, but I mean it can't hurt right?"
Yama-chan thought about it, "I mean it's up to you, but I don't think you need it." Then her stomach rumbled and she added, "What I need though, is breakfast."
She got to her feet and started heading back towards Shimotsuki Village before turning to glance back at me, "Are you coming?"
"Maybe I just wanted to look at your gorgeous naked butt for a minute before reminding you about your clothes," I replied with a smile, "It's very stare worthy." Yama-chan blushed brightly as she realized she had indeed been about to wander off butt naked. She looked so cute I couldn't help but ask, "How did I ever wind up with such a cute, beautiful, amazing girlfriend?"
Yama-chan smiled, "I guess miracles can happen, but…" she walked back over and knelt down to kiss me, "I'd say it's probably more to do with you helping me get everything I've ever wanted and…" she kissed me again, "…showing me that there was even more to want than I'd ever dared hope for and..." Another kiss and this was going to turn into a full on make out session wasn't it?
Then she added softly, "…and for making me happy, for the first time in my life, to be me."
That… made my heart skip a beat and maybe I teared up a little and yes I wrapped her in a hug and yes maybe I lost track of how many times I told her I love her and how amazing she is. Yeah, we might've wound up completely forgetting we had somewhere to be, but surely nobody would be TOO upset about it right?
…
…The Next Morning, Longbuck Island…
…
"GRAAAH!" Arlong roared as he paced and ranted along the beach of the uninhabited little spit of land called Longbuck Island, "STUPID FUCKING HUMAN! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TRICKED US LIKE THIS! HOW DARE HE?! THAT COWARDLY VERMIN! I HAVE NOT BEEN BLUEBALLED THIS HARD SINCE THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE MERMAID CAFÉ!"
The gathered fishmen watched silently as Arlong continued to pace, rant and rave. They were all in agreement with him, but they were also all privately trying really hard not to laugh as their leader completely and utterly lost his shit.
Then Hatchan spoke up, "But Arlong, aren't your balls always blue?"
Arlong's jaw dropped as he froze midstride. The entire crew was completely still, slackjawed and stunned for almost a full minute. Then Arlong flipped out as everyone in earshot collapsed to the ground howling with laughter. Hatchan did not have a good rest of the day, and was still laid out on the beach with a lump on his head when Arlong and company set off back for the Conomi Islands, having completely forgotten what they left for.
