Okay, so feelings are complicated. So is Allura's consent in this chapter. It's not entirely non-consensual but it's not entirely consensual either because her feelings are so conflicted but either way, it's not full consent. I totally make sense here. This is for Day 20 "People don't change people, time does" as well as "You will regret touching them".
2. The Hard Truth
Everything felt dizzy and she wasn't sure what to do even as she opened her eyes. Had this really all happened? One moment of weakness had destroyed everything. Allura knew she could not allow herself to fall prey to such emotions then why had she? Honerva's offer had been tempting and visions had clouded her mind of a time that she had her family back. But then everything turned white as soon as she accepted it, as soon as she took the other woman's hand.
Where was she now? She had woken up, but she couldn't sense Blue and all she could see was white space.
"You shouldn't concern yourself so much on where you are," A familiar voice said causing Allura to freeze. How? He was dead, after all. Did that mean she was too? No, Honerva wouldn't have just killed her. Then again, she had promised to reunite her with her family and her family outside of Coran was…was this what she had meant?
"Am I dead?" Allura asked, eyes locking onto Lotor who walked towards her and chuckled.
"I wish I had the answer to that, but I never really died, Princess, I was just trapped," Lotor said softly. "In the quintessence field you left me in. I know it wasn't really you. I know they forced you to turn against me. That Keith…"
"No," Allura said, shaking her head. "It's not Keith's fault, Lotor. But the type of person you are, I could never love the real you. The you that would hurt people for your own personal gain. I've seen so much death, so much war, how could I love someone that would just cause more of it? And after manipulating them that you had saved their lives so whatever happened next, they should be grateful for it. But we save people every day, Lotor. Their lives do not belong to us though – we do it so they can have a future and be free. Without expecting them to give us their lives to own in return."
Lotor shook his head and stepped closer to her. "Maybe our personalities were different, but I can tell you're still attracted to me, Princess. I can tell that your heart still skips a beat when it sees me. Can you not ignore your mind for once and just follow your heart?"
Allura shook her head, fists clenching. "You are not in my heart, Lotor." Okay, so he was not completely wrong about her feelings, he was handsome, and she had fallen for his striking features that even now lured her closer. But his beauty only went so far as outer appearance went. The closer she got; the monster instead had begun to reveal itself. Appearances could be deceiving and both Lotor and his father had taught her that lesson in many ways.
Besides, he was not important right now. The team could not form Voltron without her – she needed to find a way out of here. But if Honerva had trapped her here, it would not be easy to find a way out even if she had no idea where here was.
"You're here with your own will, aren't you?" Allura asked softly, deciding to end the previous conversation then and there. It was a pointless, one she knew neither of them would reach an agreement on, so it was better to focus on what she needed in order to get back with your friends.
Lotor shrugged. "That depends on your perspective. The witch appears to be trying to win me over due to motherly love, she called it. I don't buy it though. People don't change people, time does. It's why I could never change you to fit my ideals, to let go of these silly morals and think how much we could gain together." He reached out to stroke her cheek and Allura turned her face away, stepping back causing him to chuckle. "Somehow, I knew changing you would have been a difficult task but seeing your attraction to me I felt would make it easier to reach your heart as well." He allowed his hands to drop momentarily to grasp her by the wrists and pull her closer.
"Lotor, stop," Allura began but his lips pressed against hers and she froze against it for a moment. His kiss was so warm, so inviting, just like it had been back then, but nothing was like back then. Back when she had not known the truth about him, and she wanted to kiss him. No, this was not what she wanted – he was not a good person, this wasn't right – she didn't want to be attracted to a murderer. As his hand caressed down her cheek to her neck, she used both hands to push him off, stumbling back a little as her fists clenched tighter, a harsh glare coming onto her face.
"I said no," Allura said softly and Lotor rolled her eyes.
"Your actions speak against your words, princess," Lotor said softly. "No one has to know what happens here. Haven't you had enough of this war? Of having to put your feelings aside for everyone else? No one will love you the way I do."
Allura shook her head, her gaze not wavering although her heart cracked on the inside at those words. There was a time she longed for a love that was only hers. Someone who would defend her against the world, someone who would be her protector for a change. She could fight – she didn't need someone to protect her but just for a moment, it would be nice to have a shelter of her own too.
But she knew the reality. In war, sacrifices had to be made. This was hers. Not being able to find someone who truly loved her because of her and not for any kind of power or greed. And as much as it stung deeply, she had come to terms with that and was more than okay with it.
"If you're not going to help me, then at least don't get in my way," Allura finally said. Her heart was racing a little because as much as she denied it, a part of her had responded to that kiss. And if she was going to sacrifice her feelings – it could not be half-hearted.
Lotor shrugged. "I won't then. But you will not be able to find a way out of here. And your team is far too undertrained to handle the witch's magic. She'll slaughter them before they have a chance to find you. And who knows? Maybe I'll help. They did steal you away from me."
Allura scowled, her fists clenching. "You will regret touching them."
Lotor leaned closer to her, breath trickling past her ear. "I look forward to that regret then."
