Author's Notes
For context, this was posted on the AO3 version of FA on 7/3/2023, Chapter 52. If some details don't make sense, that's why.
Before we begin, I'd like to give a personal thank you to everyone who left comments on the last chapter. It's been a difficult two years since I last posted, but your words of kindness mean the world to me. Even if this is just a fanfic, I feel blessed to receive your kindness.
Now comes the good/bad part. I'll start with the bad, because I feel I owe an explanation. I won't get into heavy topics, as they're still very fresh, but I need to get some things off my chest.
When I first started this project, I wasn't in college. I was a high schooler. I was bullied and people already made fun of me for being a nerd. Some of my bullies followed my other social media accounts, which I promptly deleted once they made fun of me for the posts I made. On top of a dysfunctional home life, I felt like there was no where for me be myself. So, one day, I decided to create this AO3 account, under the guise of being an adult. That way, I could enjoy my hobbies and interests without people finding out who I really was.
I was also a very angry teenager. My relationship with my father - we'll call him T - was turbulent. Again, I'm not here to dump my trauma, and I feel it's what contributed most to my attitude. Just to keep him from making me feel worse, I would parrot things he said. I'm ashamed to admit that for a while, I believed in things that make me physically ill today. I was every kind of horrible person: homophobic, transphobic, racist, ethnocentrist, climate change denier, and I could go on. I still hate myself for not standing up to T, instead I let my cowardice win over doing the right thing. My biggest fear is that when I grow old or I end up with a degenerative brain disease, I'll be one of those people who spouts hate without regard for others. I tried to excuse my hate because I was queer myself, but it was a shitty reason.
You can see a lot of these views in chapters of this fic. Specifically, I got called out by keoShines on Chp 39 for a transphobic joke, and rightfully so. I was trying to be edgy and instead, I came off as a jackass.
The only person who I could rely on, despite many flaws, was my mom. But she got sick again and I dropped out of college after one year to take care of her, because T wouldn't do it and my siblings were still in school. I tried to take classes on the side, but my grades took a huge blow. I went from slightly above average to failing, and with that, I lost motivation to do much of anything. I feel like I could have done better as a caregiver. I could have supported my family more. I could have been honest to at least one person.
Then my mom passed away. All of my siblings left home and, because of my autism diagnosis, I had trouble moving out. T and I were one of two extremes: happy or angry. We could never have a peaceful father-daughter dynamic. When I wasn't working, I was in my room sleeping. I ignored all of my other relatives. I ignored my siblings. I was emotionally drained.
But one day, my aunt asked if I could house/pet sit for her and since I liked her dogs, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get out of the house. In a twist of fate, one of the dogs knocked me over and broke my foot. Rather than letting me go home, my aunt took me to the ER and after going home for one day (and struggling to preform any ADLs), she offered me a room at her house indefinitely.
I got my life back while living with her. I met so many family members I barely knew. They accepted and helped me grow as a person, making me realize how backwards my thought process was. They let me talk about my special interests. They invited me to family outings. They helped me find an apartment with disability accommodations. They helped me go back to school. They loved me when I thought no one could. Without exaggeration, they saved my life.
Now, I'm living with my pet gecko in a safe space. I get be a caregiver everyday while pursuing both a career and passion in medical science. I've come out to my family as Aro/Ace. It's like I'm an entirely different person.
Which brings me to the good part. Coming back after two years of lurking and contemplating, I have finally decided what to do with this pic. While I know this isn't a great fanfic, and I made mistakes, it was the first project I did that I felt somewhat proud of. Which is why, while I write Chapter 52-54, I'm going to overhaul the entire fic.
This version of the pic will be marked completed and a new one will be created.
It may sound like a lot, but I hope to refine the story to better represent who I am as I writer, and my values as a human being. I also know that, after posting this, many of you may find me reprehensible and drop the fic altogether. I can't blame you.
I won't delete this version. I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to erase it.
This project will take place over the course of the next two weeks. I may finish sooner, depending on how fast I can edit, but rest assured that when everything is caught up, you can expect chapters 52 and 53 to follow.
I can't thank everyone enough for your support. No matter what, I'm just happy to finally move forward. And with "Persona 3 REload" coming down the pipe, I hope I can contribute something positive to this community.
I can't wait to write for all of you again. You are just another blessing I don't deserve.
With love, GraePearl
By the time you all read this announcement, the new version of FA will already be posted. If you want to get the fastest updates, AO3 is where everything will be posted first.
