XX

Yale

Brandon was waiting at that New Heaven bar. Nicole Drummond had given him a day off and he had called Andrea for a coffee.

One, two hours, three hours in the car didn't matter, after days of solitude it was nice to have a friendly face to talk to.

Actually they hadn't been days of real loneliness, he had started dating his scholarship colleague Susan, they spent a lot of time together, they shared slavery at work. One evening they kissed, the same evening they ended up in bed together and so they ended up every night since that day. At work they ignored each other, they were competitors, but at night they were lovers.

Susan didn't force him to look his emotional side in the face, Susan didn't need him, Susan was like him, and that scared Brandon a little but it was also a relief. Susan's sex was fine, without complications.

Brandon still thought about Kelly every now and then but tried not to open the door to that thought. When he turned in bed it was Susan the woman next to him, it was with her making love, Kelly was gone, she didn't want to be there anymore.

Andrea arrived with a wonderful smile.

They greeted themselves with affection.

"I'm glad to see you," she said, "I knew you were in Boston but I was afraid you wouldn't make a call."

"me? without my chief? Never!" Brandon laughed "how's Yale doing?"

"She's as great as I thought, I was wrong not to come here before, Hannah attends college kindergarten, Jessie studies, I study, we have a nice apartment."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes I'm happy"

"I'm glad," Brandon replied, "I missed you a lot"

"You too," she replied.

Andrea watched Brandon stir the drink he had chosen for lunch and raised her eyebrow.

"How are things going?"

"Well..." Brandon smiled "Boston is wonderful and the job is great and I met a girl"

'Really?' Andrea replied with a disappointed air.

"You seem sorry," he replied.

"No.. no" Andrea shook her head "I'm surprised, and Kelly?"

Brandon knew that name would pop up sooner or later.

"Kelly what? Kelly and I broke up, you know that"

"Yes, it's just that..." said Andrea "I didn't think you had already gone any further"

"Kelly went further well before me and behind my back"

"This is not true"

"I don't want to talk about her," Brandon said stiffening.

It was still a painful subject, the fact that she was far away softened the contours and he wanted it to stay that way.

"Susan is pretty, she works with me, she's a tough girl"

"It's like you," Andrea said emotionlessly.

"What's wrong with me?" He laughed.

"Nothing" even Andrea laughed to break the moment "since when haven't you seen Kelly?"

"Andrea..."

"Okay..." she said giving up, she wanted to tell him that she had seen Kelly a few weeks earlier in New York, that she wasn't well, that there was something wrong with her. Maybe she was taking something, that she had her eyes off and that she had asked about him and cried but then she would have to tell Brandon about Colin, that the man in the photograph was now the man who was with Kelly and that would break Brandon's heart. There would no longer be any Susan, no Boston, just a heart that cracked.

"Let's talk about the job .." Andrea said, retrieving a smile.

Brandon relaxed "The Boston Globe offers a post-college job to those who manage to do a report worthy of importance, and I'm trying, I'm working in big secret."

'On what?'

"Abenteeism in the municipal offices, I found the hook, I already have some photos, I took some data"

"And why does it have to be secret?"

"The other competitor is Susan, we decided so, let the best win, she is still nervous because she didn't find anything and I didn't tell her about my work already started"

'And why?'

"For the best to win"

Andrea laughed and watched Brandon.

He was trying, he was trying hard, but this Susan seemed more like someone he could compete with and not someone capable of pulling out the real Brandon.

XX

Antonia had was by the lake. She was supposed to have woken up very early.

"Didn't you get to sleep?" Dylan asked her coming behind her.

"Not much"

He sat next to her.

"Can I ask you a question?" Dylan asked, wrapping himself in a blanket.

Antonia smiled.

"Why are you staying here with me?"

Antonia lowered her eyes "because you're special to me it doesn't take a genius to understand it, because I didn't feel like leaving you alone, because this story, this story you're telling, reliving every day with Jamie.."

'What?'

"I wish you would see me in your past life too"

"Antonia..." Dylan seemed nervous "I..."

She shook her head "yes I know, you're not in love with me, I know Dylan, I see it every single day here with you, your heart and probably your life belongs to someone else from long before I came"

Antonia looked him in the eye "maybe it's time for me to go home"

Dylan got up and squeezed Antonia in a long hug

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Me too," she said.

Antonia came out of his life, a life in which she had always remained at the door, without the courage to enter but with love. Something had stopped her. A mysterious force. A fear that had no face. Dylan watched her walk away, walking slowly and fiercely while the sun was already getting high.

Jamie wasn't surprised when he didn't see Antonia coming too, he fixed the bone necklaces.

"That girl loves you," he said.

Dylan didn't even wonder how Jamie knew Antonia's feelings.

"I'm not in love with her"

"You don't know but that's good, not falling in love with her you saved her life"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't tell you that too, it would be a parallel reality that you erased by coming here to me. So it is a reality that never existed. Antonia will have a long life now, a long life, and she will also have love one day, not here, not today, she will heal and open her eyes to see it"

And that was all Jamie said about Antonia.

"Are you ready?"

"I'm ready"

Jamie began his long indian song

Dylan closed his eyes.

'What do you see?'

"I see some letters on a table"

"Read them for me," Jamie replied.

XX--XX

12.03.1941

Dear Brenda,

War is not as I imagined it, it's dirtier, it's wetter, it's colder and it's uglier. I just got back from a mission, taking off is always easy but landing becomes more and more difficult. In flight I always check my brother's plane, I try to hear him over the radio. It's horrible when you don't know if you'll see him again when you're back. The truth is, I'm not afraid for myself, but I'm afraid for him. Brandon is sleeping, By now, he's exhausted, but I 'm just thinking of you, when for the first time I heard you sing and believe me you are one of the most out of things I've ever known, but I loved you very much at that moment. That song resurfaces memories related to the happiest moments I have ever lived; memories of our walks on Coney Island, of our game of writing on the palm of our hand, of the shows organized by the regiment – the tents made with barrage balloons, the spotlights made from cocoa jars, the rehearsals that lasted until late in the evening. That orchestra that played only for us and for a few other spectators, exciting days that now seem so far away under this sky of lead and gypsum. You keep me alive. The idea of coming back to you, that this war will end sooner or later, keeps me alive. I hate to admit it but my father was right, the first thing that dies during a war is the truth immediately after the man dies. I want to go back to you but I can't leave my brother, we've never spent a day apart. Sometimes the British organize shows here too – moscatello, scotch, vino – and someone who has to be dragged by the truck and put to bed in his room. It rains every day but not all day, I was told that Britain is like that. I dream of taking you around Europe but not this Europe with no more margins, in Italy or Greece where there is always the sun, and the sun is already a very big thing. I miss you, I don't know how else to tell you, that morning when I left it was as if a part of me was left in your hands. I have already spoken to the colonel, when our mission with the RAF is over I will be sent to Pearl Harbour by you. Isn't that great news? For Brandon it's the same, he says he can survive anywhere. A soldier is playing now, he is a munked pianist, a race between miserable days and lonely nights.

Keep my father's address, if you don't hear from me anymore, that's where you'll have to come back, that's where I'll be waiting for you. I keep the photo we took at the Luna Park with me, I take it in flight, I look at it often.

What keeps me alive is the happiness of our night together and the injustice of being separated.

I'm sending you a picture of me and Brandon in front of our planes. Keep it for me. As a reminder of what must no longer happen.

I hope this letter finds you and you feel good, I look forward to hearing from you.

Good night, sleep well, my love.

I love you.

Dylan

XX--XX

16.04.1941

Dear Dylan,

Every time there is a letter from you my heart explodes with joy, I keep them all and reread them every night.

Your happy memories are also mine and I go back to those places and moments. I walk with you, I laugh with you, I hold your hand, I kiss you, I take you. Those fifteen days are the most precious and truest part of my entire existence.

My grandmother always said that you don't have to rush love, that love comes when you least expect it and I didn't know I was waiting for you but I recognized you right away as soon as I saw you.

Here there is everyone, David, Steve, at the military hospital there is always work to do, everyone is worried, they fear that even the US may enter the war at any moment, from the aircraft carriers moored in the bay they observe all the movements, and every time I see a plane I think of you, to tell the truth I think of you every second.

The new head nurse's name is Andrea, she's pretty strict and doesn't want to see the other girls flirting with the soldiers, but in the end that's not what we are? We are just young in the prime of their lives, who did this to us? Who is taking away our best years?

But if it weren't for the war, my love, I wouldn't have known you, so I think somehow that sounds weird, I have to thank it.

The idea that after your job over there you can come here to me has made me the happiest woman in the world.

I hope that this mission of yours will end soon, I hope that the next letter can be brought to me personally by you.

Don't be afraid my love, God can't have given us a love like ours to take it away from us mercilessly, try to stay calm, to breathe slowly, keep control, keep me in a pocket near your heart where I can feel your beat every minute.

Be careful.

Say hello to Brandon and come home soon, and your house is me as you are mine.

Good night, sleep well, my love.

I love you

Yours, Brenda.

XX--XX

10.05.1941

Dear Brenda,

This morning we took off in five, we came back in three. Only three.

Me, Brandon and Richard.

The clash in the air was very hard. We were intercepted over Lille by a Luftwaffe squadron. I was scared. Fear of not seeing your face again, fear of dying. We couldn't get them out of the tail of the plane. They looked like wolves that had intercepted the prey.

I was saved by Brandon who shot down two of their planes.

He's a better pilot than me, because Brandon isn't afraid, but I'm afraid I won't see you again. What did you do to my world? Is this love? Fear of losing, courage to face. This doesn't make me a good soldier but it makes me a man. Your man.

Throughout the return trip I only thought about this, the war over.

We are back. We're back together, I'm safe, I'm alive. One day less from going back.

I tried to talk about it with my brother but the war turns him on, he says it makes him feel alive, he also knows that I would never leave him here without me.

My heart breaks in half.

The smoke that was rising from the French villages made me feel even worse, there are millions of people down there who are struggling every day, and I don't want to be less than them. I want to fight too. Action, reaction.

Everyone's morale is low after today's losses.

They were just Young boys.

Ben, Philip and Ismael. They were called that.

I realized that I had to react immediately to I came to write to you. Just writing to you makes me feel better.

I imagine how it is where you are, what you see every day, the fatigue of the evening after being so busy for others, is the same fatigue as me. It's my own courage.

I miss your skin Brenda, all I do is think and remember your perfume, your hair, your eyes that can speak even when your mouth doesn't speak.

I think of you and I cling to you in every way I can, and I don't feel cold and I don't feel the rain.

Knowing you are safe for me is a relief.

I'll be back soon I'm sure.

Good night, sleep well, my love.

I love you

Dylan.

XX--XX

16.06.1941

Dear Dylan,

I saw the war today too and I saw it through your eyes, through your heart and I saw it here too.

They brought wounded volunteer soldiers into battle.

They had something in their eyes, a horror I had never seen before.

The wounds of the body will heal but those of the soul I don't think. It will take a long time.

It's a horrible contrast between the beauty of this place, the peace of the evening when the breeze blows, and their eyes.

I'm waiting for you, it doesn't matter if it takes a day, ten years, a hundred years, I'm waiting for you, I can't accept anything from life unless it's you, that it's not this love and your heart. In return, you have mine.

Today one of the girls had a panic attack. Her husband passed away, he was a volunteer in the English navy. The news has arrived. Every time someone in uniform enters the hospital with a yellow envelope, we all tremble, and then stabbing screams go up.

But this sky, the one I have in front of me now as I write to you is so beautiful that it takes your breath away, I would like you to see it but in reality you see it, you see it together with me, it is the same sky where there is no more cold, there is no more war, the same sky that blessed this love.

I resist because you resist, I live because you live.

Don't agree with fear, take the courage and only that, don't accept anything less, write to me, tell me about yourself, stay with me, don't advance that look I see here every day, advance only the hope that one day we will be together again.

Good night, my love, sleep well.

I love you

Brenda

XX--XX

14.08.1941

Brandon didn't come back. Brandon is dead.

They send me home

Dylan