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Wonderment- Chapter 16

A Time for Apologies

I woke up Saturday morning, looked out the window, and sighed. The gray, cloudy day seemed to match my mood. Knowing I wouldn't see my cloaked customer for a full week made everything seem dull and colorless. I also missed Ariel's bubbly presence – the room was so quiet without her. I assumed she was still with Eric. I knew she would be staying with him the whole weekend, since classes wouldn't start up again till Monday, but I had hoped that she might stop by every now and then.

I got dressed and left my hair down and untied. I felt that it suited me, and it made me look and feel more grown up. Noticing the slight chill in the air when I opened the window, I opted for a long- sleeved blouse, a long skirt, and boots. I was starving for breakfast, and had heard that on weekend mornings they would hold elaborate brunches set up in the university canteen, so I began walking on the stone brick path in that direction.

I was halfway to my destination when I noticed a familiar, large man diagonally across the quad, chatting with a substantially shorter man. I groaned inwardly. The large man was Gaston. He caught my gaze and started toward me.

Immediately I began to walk faster toward the canteen. He was the last person I wanted to see!

"Belle! Wait!" Gaston called out.

Just the sight of him brought back the memory of the pain, fear, and humiliation I had felt a couple nights ago at the tavern. I felt a surge of anger. Gaston had broken our agreement by forcing me to go out and serve those horrible men, ignoring my protests, and then he had vanished from the scene – not even staying nearby to make sure I was safe! He'd thrown me to the wolves, in a very real sense of the word. Thank goodness the cloaked man had shown up when he did, or things would have gone much worse for me – no thanks to Gaston.

Gaston's pacing went from walking to running as he got closer and closer to me. As the distance between us grew smaller, I finally gave in and halted in my steps. There was no point trying to avoid a confrontation - I would eventually have to see him at work anyway. I noted thankfully that his shorter friend stayed back at the quad, far enough away that I knew he wouldn't be able to listen in on whatever it was we were about to talk about.

As Gaston approached me, I could see the remorseful look in his eyes. "Hi….uh, Belle," he said hesitantly, looking as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Hi," I said, looking down.

"Um…how are you?" he asked awkwardly.

"Fine."

"Right," he started as he rubbed his neck. "I just wanted to check on you."

I gave him a perplexed look. Why on earth would he care about checking up on me? He was the only person other than Ariel that I had trusted with the truth of my background, yet he had betrayed me. Granted, I had never had a reason not to trust him up until two nights ago. Since the first day of school, he had kept my background a secret. I knew that as much as he came off arrogant and conceited at times, there was some good in him, since he had offered me a position in his business. But he had known that I wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of working in a tavern – I had taken the offer only because he owned the tavern and he was the boss. I had been gullible enough to believe that that meant he would protect me from the wanton wildness that could occur in a tavern.

He noticed my accusing expression and gave a long low sigh. "Look, Belle. That night was a rough one for me. I didn't anticipate that one of those guys would touch you, let alone spank you! I was just short on help. I needed you."

"You didn't anticipate?" I snapped. "You know full well what your customers are like! You knew what you would be throwing me into! And you also knew we had a deal that I wasn't supposed to serve any man except for my secret customer!" I glared at him.

Gaston came in closer. "Keep your voice down! Do you want the whole campus to know you work in a tavern?"

"Why would you care so much about my reputation?" I challenged. "You didn't care that night! What's more, you caught me so off guard." I choked on the last word. I was still angry, but conflicted – it was hard to hate him when he was being apologetic. I couldn't believe the confusion I was feeling. One minute he throws me into chaos and predatory men; the next he's being chivalrous and wants to defend my dignity. It was causing quite the whirlwind in my mind.

"Look, I didn't mean it to happen!" he blurted out defensively.

"I trusted you! I thought you would never do that to me!" I said, all my hurt and betrayal pouring out. "And then…then…you just changed!"

Gaston winced. "Look," he said, grasping my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I really am. It was a mistake. I threw you in the crowd, and I wasn't there to protect you like I should have been. And yes, you're right - there is always a possibility for customers to get out of line and mistreat the barmaids. But I didn't expect itto happen in the short time you served them!" He hesitated, loosening his collar uncomfortably. "I mean...one never knows how someone is going to react. The barmaids who take the job know that unfortunately, vile men sometimes come with the job description. They've learned how to handle it."

"Gaston! I never agreed to be a barmaid - just a personal server to one man," I pointed out sharply. "And the only reason I even agreed to that was because the 'mystery man' promised not to touch me in vile ways!"

Gaston looked down, ashamed. I could tell that I had made my point clear, and there was no need to proclaim the reasoning behind my anger and mistrust to him anymore. My scolding and rebuttals were clearly enough punishment already, as I could see the beads of sweat appearing on his forehead out of defensiveness. He had loosened his collar so much it began to lose shape altogether.

"I know that now, Belle. I really do. I wasn't thinking. I was just reacting to the situation,"
he tried to explain. "I was short-staffed. Two women quit on me because they were stuck tending to vile men, and resented that you didn't have to. I get it - no girl likes to serve drunk horny men. But unfortunately, that's what comes with the job of a barmaid. Most women who work at taverns understand that and accept it. But the two who quit didn't like it, and they complained that I was giving you special treatment and it wasn't fair. So they quit and left me short-handed on a busy night and caused me a lot of stress, and, well, I guess I partly blamed you for it and took my anger out on you." He looked embarrassed as he admitted that. "But it wasn't your fault, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I took a deep breath and tried to think about the situation at hand at see it from his point of view. I was trying my hardest to empathize with Gaston. He was managing a tavern on his own full time, and also going to college part time. There was probably a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, not to mention a lot of pressure.

"I'm sorry if my coming there to work caused problems for you," I said. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea."

"No, Belle," he said firmly, shaking his head. "It's not you. You did nothing wrong. You made it very clear from the beginning what your boundaries were. In this whole disaster, you're the victim - you're the innocent one. I know I've probably lost your trust, but I hope I can gain it again."

I looked at him for a moment. The hint of kindness that I had seen earlier appeared again, but I still wasn't completely convinced. "How can I trust that in the heat of the moment, that in another scenario of frustration, you wouldn't do that to me again?" I demanded.

Gaston rubbed the cleft on his chin with his index finger. "I won't," he responded softly. "I guess I can't blame you for feeling you can't trust me. But I can only promise you that it won't happen again."

I nodded, understanding his genuineness.

"Belle - there's one more thing I need to…I need to admit to you," Gaston said. "If I am to gain your trust back entirely, then I must be completely honest with you." I looked up at him, puzzled. He was looking at the ground, not meeting my eyes. "When…I asked you at the Welcome Dance if you'd like a drink and dance and you said rejection was palpable. To be honest, I've never been told 'no' by any lady till I met you," he grunted.

I smiled inside at his humble confession, but did not dare show my flattery.

"I guess you hurt my pride a bit by that, and unconsciously, I was a little resentful," he admitted. "And maybe deep down, that was part of the reason I threw you in the fire. Part of me felt like, 'She's not giving me any special treatment; why should I give her any?' I'm not trying to justify it!" he added quickly. "I'm just trying to be honest. Hell! Telling you this now must make you mistrust me even more!" He sighed and turned away from me in embarrassment, looking dejected.

"No, Gaston," I said, touching his shoulder. "That must have been really hard for you to admit. I'm flattered that you found me…appealing."

Gaston jerked his gaze to me. "You're not mad?"

.

"No, I appreciate your honestly," I assured him. "Just...please. Keep your word. Don't do that to me again, Gaston. I couldn't bear it."

"You have my word, Belle," he promised. "No matter what! Whatever craziness is going on at work, I promise not to do that again to you. Besides, your mystery customer pays a hefty sum – enough to keep me in my place," he added with a sheepish grin. "Which reminds me: come by this evening so I can give you your first payment."

I remembered that my mystery customer had told me not to come till the following week. I shook my head. "Gaston, the cloaked man said that I'm not to return till Thursday. He's taking off till then. May I collect my payment then?" The last thing I wanted to do was stick around in the kitchen and be in the atmosphere of drunk, crude men harassing barmaids! Without the protection of my cloaked customer, there was no way I would feel completely comfortable or safe at the tavern, even if Gaston had just promised me so.

I could afford to wait to get paid, since my cloaked customer had paid me in advance – although I didn't tell Gaston that, remembering that my customer had advised me to take any payment from Gaston and not tell him I was already being paid on the side by him.

"Of course. That's fine," Gaston agreed. "Well I better get to my friend LeFou over there before he wonders what's going on."

"Sure. Thank you, Gaston."

"Don't mention it," he said. He walked away, looking cheerful and relieved to have the conversation over and the tension between us resolved.

Was it wrong that I could so easily forgive Gaston? I wondered. I felt that he had revealed a lot to me that he didn't seem he would dare admit to many. That was something. The image of Gaston I had first met – a shallow man who was arrogant and conceited - was quickly dissipating in my mind. There was more to him than he let on. I proceeded on my way to the canteen, noticing Gaston and his friend going the opposite direction.

Perhaps one day, as our friendship progressed I could broach the conversation of his father desiring my cottage and land for the LeGume Tavern business. The thought made me hopeful, that perhaps there were more ways than one in which I could help my father.

"Maybe, just maybe… one day," I heard myself say out loud.

I applauded myself for becoming more open around people at university. Back home, feeling alone and rejected had made me spend more time with myself and my books. Here I was finding myself opening up and becoming more social. Ariel knew almost everything about me, I had confided in Adam about my bullying past, and Gaston knew about my background and had even revealed a lot to me as well. And of course, my cloaked customer knew a great deal about me as well. This must be what it's like to have….friends. The realization made me smile.

As I entered the double doors of the canteen, the aroma of bacon, sweet pancakes, and omelets engulfed me. My stomach rumbled. Breakfast that day smelled delicious, as I continued on, eager to plate a meal.